Another Side
by ilikedan
Summary: Sometimes the greatest stories are the ones which are never told. The 14th Noah, Neah Walker, is not what he is made out to be. This is how he, along with his friends, formed another side to the endless war and shaped the events that soon followed. Rated for language. AU. Now complete!
1. Teenage Wasteland

_Disclaimer: I do not own any part of D Gray-man_ _nor any of its characters. I can only close my eyes and quietly play dress up with said characters in my head and hope I'm not desecrating Hoshino Katsura's work too much._

_For those of you who care, Author's Notes will be at the end of every chapter and any and all questions will be gleefully answer if asked._

* * *

_I don't need to fight, to prove I'm right_

_I don't need to be forgiven._

_Don't cry, don't raise your eye_

_It's only teenage wasteland._

* * *

_The image was distorted and out of focus._

_Colors shifted and static filled the screen before the image slowly became clear. A man stood alone in a lonely room; he had wild untamable black hair and weary, beaten grey eyes. He slouched slightly, as if the prospect of standing was too much for him to bear. He looked to be in his late teens to early twenties; though it was hard to tell past his haggard countenance._

_He wore ripped and frayed clothes with suspicious maroon stains that bespoke of the violence he had seen during his time. Yet despite his alarming appearance, he wore a small, sad smile that strived to convey more love than his broken body could possibly hope to muster._

_He sighed as his eyes gazed intensely into the recording._

_"Hello there little one." He took a moment to run a hand through his unruly hair. "I probably should have planned this out better," he muttered incoherently before continuing, looking up into the recording with a sad, guilt-ridden expression._

_"God, I have so much to say to you, but I don't know where to start. I guess, I'm sorry is as good a place as any. I'm so sorry that all of this had to happen to you; that you're going to inherit my burdens and live a life not entirely your own and be condemned to a family and an existence you can't even imagine." He paused and looked deeply into the recording._

_"But even though I've now ruined your entire life, I trust you. It'll be hard and you'll struggle, but… but I believe in you. I-I don't know how to explain it, but we'll always be connected by some strange bond and somehow I know you'll make things right again. Maybe, maybe you'll see what I saw in the exorcists and-and-" he sighed and smiled lightly, letting his arms fall to his side._

_"And I don't know. This is your life kid; I want you to remember that above all else. Just remember that no one, not the Earl or the Order, can tell you what to do with your life. Every decision you make, every step forward… It's all yours, and I want you take it and run with it. I just want you keep walking forward, follow your heart and trust in yourself and your friends." The man suddenly turned away from the recording and, gripping his arms lightly, spoke sadly._

_"I wish I could see you and tell you these things to your face, to tell you our story and how we failed. I guess I'll just have to hope and pray that you'll have more sense than the previous 14th."_

_The dark mood was gone as the man chuckled nervously and began to rub his neck awkwardly. He turned his head back to the recording, but his eyes scanned the room, looking everywhere but the camera. "Fuck me," he muttered to himself as his eyes miserably scanned the bare room._

_A moment passed silently as the man seemed to contemplate his next words._

_"Er… well I have to go now; you know dying can be so inconvenient at times. Timcanpy should get this to you when you're old enough so maybe then you'll be able to understand what we were trying to do and why we felt the need to die for it." He looked down and played with his hands._

_"I'm sorry this has to happen, I don't know who you are, but I believe you can end this war and finish what we started. I just hope you'll be prepared. One thing I do want you to keep in mind is that through all the crap you have to endure, you have to keep walking and never stop until the day you die."_

_"I have to go now, but remember that you're not alone, not ever. You shouldn't be afraid of making friends; they are greatest strength and your greatest comfort. They alone will make all the sacrifices bearable." He gazed up past the recording, seeing some unknown companions and smiled._

_"No matter how strong you are, you're nothing without your friends by your side." He stepped forward and hovered just over the recording. "Alright, I have to go, but one last thing. The road ahead is going to be long and hard, but please, along the way, it wouldn't hurt to smile, so live your life and endure and please-" he gave one last sweet grin before the camera shut off, but his silky voice, a voice forever young, whispered through the air like a ghost from the past._

_"-Don't forget to smile."_

**YEAR ONE: THE CIRCLE OPENS**

The life of an exorcist was harsh and demanding, weeding out the weak and at times demanding much of its loyal servants. Or so thought Lizzy Logan and Marian Cross as they sat across from each other on a train headed for the middle of nowhere England.

Cross turned his head vaguely in her direction and she turned away in huff. He frowned and slid as close as he could to the window to get as far away as he could from his most annoying rival and, now, his reluctant and completely unwanted partner.

At that moment, they were both cursing their normally accommodating Master who'd decided that it would be a good idea to send his two favorite students on a mission together. Sadly, said students were too prideful and competitive for their own good and a fearsome rivalry had formed between them.

Any sane person would've kept the two firearm Accommodators far, far apart after their first disastrous encounter, but their Master, General Devdas, was nothing if not patient. He claimed, with a smiling face, that they were good together and after a while, they would settle their differences and become friends. Right, thought the other exorcists as they ducked for cover, avoiding yet another fight between the two kids with way too much combined firepower for their own good.

Elizabeth "Lizzy" Logan, just recently turned fifteen, came from the nice side of town. She had pale skin and lovely chestnut brown hair that fell past her shoulders. Clever hazel eyes skeptically viewed the world she had come to despise. The youngest of four sisters, she grew up wealthy and received the best education possible, the best of everything in fact.

Hailing from the prestigious Logan family, Elizabeth was denied nothing as a child and was given everything she had ever wanted. She was strong, independent, intelligent, hardworking and everything her aristocratic parents wanted her not to be, but everything the Order needed.

Having spent the last six months at European Headquarters, Lizzy was one of those aggravating overachievers who was determined to be better than everyone else. She wanted to prove to herself that, despite what her parents had told her, she was not worthless.

Despite her haughty and distant behavior, Lizzy was caring and, though she wouldn't show it, she believed very much in the Order's ideal to protect humanity. She was always willing to go above and beyond the limit and to push herself to get the job done. Many people may not have liked her, but everyone admired her skills and perseverance. She often worked alone, partially out of choice and partially because few could handle her domineering personality.

She, like her reluctant companion, was lonely and too damn proud to do anything about it.

Sitting across from privileged, rich girl sat her opposite in both manners and upbringing. Marian Cross, also who also just turned fifteen, knew what it was like to grow up feeling hungry. Even at such a young age, he drew attention for his luxurious red hair cut just below his chin and dark brown eyes that almost appeared burgundy when contrasted with his vibrant hair.

Cross had been raised by his drunkard father who miraculously managed to hold a job as a low level scientist for the Black Order. Needing a way to pay his ever growing debts, the elder Cross interned his ten year old son at his place of employ. Innately intelligent and creative, Cross probably could have made a comfortable living working for the science division had it not been discovered that he was an Accommodator for Innocence three years later.

Before the word 'compatible' had left their mouths, Cross had officially moved out of his cramped house and into the Order, finally escaping his father's wrath. Two years of loving care under General Devdas had done much to smooth out Cross's rough and rancorous edges, but Cross still wasn't all that comfortable around people and many steered clear of his chilled personality.

Cross was, as his surname implied, crass, vulgar and rude, but also very dedicated to the Order. He, like Lizzy, was a naturally talented exorcist and would really go places if he set himself to it. His biggest fault was his reluctance to achieve his full potential as both a human and an exorcist. He had thus far been content to meander through life, never quite willing to see how far he could go with his skills. Too many years under an abusive father had taught him caution and wariness when dealing with people.

It's surprising that, being so similar, the two children didn't get along better, or perhaps it was that specific reason that had thus kept them apart. General Devdas himself had reservations on pairing the two for such a mission. He specifically recalled the last exorcist's ball in which the two, working together on the decoration committee, got into a shooting match resulting in multiple injuries.

But the children had to grow up eventually. They needed not only to get more experienced in battle, but they needed to learn to work with others one does not necessarily like personally.

As he pushed them off at some god awful hour in the morning, before either was alert enough to understand what was transpiring, he explained how important compromise and teamwork was on any mission. But the General wasn't too concerned. Both were too dedicated to their work to let something as silly as a petty disagreement get between them and the mission's completion.

And who knew? Perhaps the two would put aside their differences and become friends.

… Then again, perhaps not.

But as long as they recovered the Innocence and made it back in one piece, he would be satisfied. The General sighed, this damned war had taken too many people, good, innocent people, and it almost hurt to send his students out into that harsh world. But he would tackle that particular problem the next time he had enough liquor to drown out such unpleasant thoughts.

For now he would enjoy his peace and wonder how his students were getting along.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Wise travelers stepped to the side as the angry young boy in the black coat stalked off to the back of the train, back to the tiny bathroom and slammed the door so hard; it nearly broke under his practiced hands. He leaned over the sink and glared into the mirror cursing his Master, the Order and of course, Lizzy Logan.

Damn rich bitch, he huffed angrily. He couldn't sit there any longer or he was sure they would've started fighting again and that wasn't going to get them anywhere except thrown off the train.

Master was convinced that they were 'perfect for each other', but Cross couldn't stand her company. Just thinking of the sneering way she looked at him was enough to get his blood boiling. Did that little bitch really think she was better than him or something? Releasing his grip from the sink, he looked out the window and tried to quell his anger.

While he certainly couldn't spend the next couple of hours in here, he could at least get a few minutes reprieve from the brunette's angry gaze. As he sat brooding over his bad luck and his Master, his well-trained eyes caught something trailing outside the window.

He cautiously leaned over to look outside. His eyes widened with grim realization to see four or five level one Akuma scattered along the length of the train. Stepping back, Cross's sharp mind quickly shifted gears.

Had the Earl found out that they were on the train? No probably not, the comings and goings of exorcists were tightly guarded and, besides, why would the Earl go to so much trouble for two kids, not even full exorcists? No, there had to be another reason, but that was for later.

Previous grievances were pushed aside as he rushed back to his partner to inform her of the latest development. He returned to find her exactly where he had left her, with her arms folded across her perfectly pressed uniform; a look of utter distain on her face. Cross had noted upon seeing her for the first time that she would be a very pretty girl if she just got that pinched look of irritation off of her face.

"What, do you need me to hold your hand for you?" She asked testily, not even bothering to look at him. He glared down at her, reminding himself that he needed to work with her, not kill her.

"We have a situation, follow me." He said straightly, there was no humor or anger in his voice, only the strict seriousness reserved for battle. Lizzy lowered her lids as she recognized the severity of his tone.

Straightening her coat, she got up without a word and followed him. Her eyes spoke of the horrors that would befall him should his warning turn out to be false and he knew better than anyone how skilled she was with her twin pistols.

Just because he despised her company didn't mean he could not acknowledge her skills, which were on par with his own.

... Well not quite.

Cross was so busy wondering just how they would get at the Akuma, that he missed the boy around their age, discreetly following them with his curious silver eyes behind his newspaper.

It wasn't all that strange that they would pass him; Neah Walker, age sixteen, was very good at blending in from years of traveling with his brother in the crazy world of circuses. His appearance was wholly unremarkable with his small, lanky frame and wavy black hair.

Once the exorcists had passed, the boy smirked quietly to himself.

He was good at that too.

"So those are exorcists? They shouldn't prove too difficult to stop." Neah shifted in his seat as he resumed reading his paper. While reading, he wondered to himself what exactly this Innocence looked like and if he would even be able to find it.

This was his first real assignment from the Earl and he wanted to do well. He wanted to prove to the Earl, and himself, that he really belonged with this strange and awkward family he had found himself trapped in. He was just trying to make the best of a bad situation as his brother would say. While he thought about this, he pointedly did not think about what he might be expected to do as a Noah.

Neah had been a good Christian growing up and thus felt uncomfortable with the prospect of hurting anyone. He was hoping he could just collect the Innocence and leave without any incident.

The Earl certainly wouldn't mind that, right?

Surely, he thought, they wouldn't ask him to kill without reason. That would draw too much attention to the Noah's activities if anything. So he rationalized his fears by not thinking about the gleam in his newfound siblings' eyes as they told him about their first missions.

Needless to say, Neah didn't fully trust the Noah.

He could never trust someone who smiled the way they did, it was unnatural. He was confused and conflicted on what to do, about whether what he was doing was right. It seemed that everything the Earl taught him was in direct violation of all the things he'd learned from Mana. He gripped the sides of the paper as he tried to push these treasonous thoughts from him head before they grew into something dangerous.

He sighed and set down the paper and looked out the window. He could have easily taken the Ark to this Dairy place or whatever, but it wasn't very often he got out of Edo and he wanted to get a full perspective on the situation.

He just wished the damned Akuma didn't have to accompany him, but favorite Noah or not, Neah could only win so many battles.

A part of him, what the others called his 'Inner Noah', would whisper to him occasionally and tell him to do things; awful, horrible things that he would never even consider doing. It told him that it was alright to kill humans, that it would help him integrate with the Noah, that he would like it.

Most of the time Neah could ignore it and it was more of an annoyance if anything. Of course the half that that still thought of himself as human was horrified at what the Earl and what the Noah did.

He silently promised himself that he wouldn't be hurting anyone, not even the exorcists the Earl hated so much. Whatever the case, this would be a good opportunity to find out what was really going on in this so called holy war.

**DGMDGMDGM**

"You want to shoot a weapon on top of a speeding train and hope to hit a dangerous, moving target, all without attracting attention?" Lizzy asked, incredulous that he expected such a ridiculous plan to succeed. "Are you insane?" She obligingly contributed after a minute. She'd decided that Cross wasn't very bright after a few minutes talking to him, but she hadn't known it was this bad.

"Well, when you think of a better idea, I will be happy to listen, until then, there are some Akuma dying for our attention. Besides, I think we're both good enough to end this thing quickly." Cross explained, fiddling with the lock on the outside door. Lizzy dimly nodded to himself, slowly understanding that Cross had inadvertently complimented her.

Well he was still a bastard.

The lock undone, Cross slowly and quietly opened the outside door. The roar of the wind was mostly muffled by the train and they were too far away from the other passenger cars to be immediately detected. Lizzy was a bit surprised when Cross extended his hand out to her.

"It's pretty windy out here; I'll get you over to the ladder. You take the first shots while I get up there." Lizzy eyed him suspiciously, a bit unnerved by his gallantry. The oafish pig she'd come to abhor certainly couldn't have such manners. Cross noted her hesitancy as he rolled his eyes.

"Jesus, I'm not asking you to marry me. There's nothing wrong with accepting a little help." She watched him for a second longer before taking his hand. Tightening his grip, they pushed their way outside into the blustering wind; Cross threw a teasing smirk over his shoulder to her.

"I can't think of a better first date than killing a few Akuma, our kids will love it!" Cross shouted, though even so, she had to strain to hear him. It was probably something insulting anyway, so she decided to ignore it. Cross put his arm around her shoulder as he helped her get over to the ladder.

"Now careful going up. There are two trailing behind the train at your 3 o' clock. I think there are a few more up ahead. They'll probably come down after they hear the others explode, if not, then we'll make our way up there later." Cross shouted, she nodded though she hadn't caught a word he'd said.

It didn't matter; her Innocence would tell her what to do.

She silently climbed the vertical ladder, gripping with all her strength just to keep hold. As she neared the top, she slowed down and stopped.

She dared to release one hand from the ladder to grab her weapon from her holster. Peering her head delicately over the top, she managed to spot the two Akuma through her wild, billowing hair. Taking a deep breath and utilizing every moment of her rigorous training, she pushed herself up onto the top of train and pulled out her second weapon.

When Lizzy first arrived at the Order, it was decided that her Innocence would best be utilized as a firearm. Lizzy had been aghast at first, exorcist or not, she had been brought up a lady. She'd never in her life held, much less fired, a gun. She fought her superiors for a while on it, begging for something not so masculine, something that she wouldn't feel dirty using.

Something that wouldn't make her parents even more ashamed of her.

After much deliberation, her Innocence was split into two smaller caliber pistols, elegant and refined. Even so, at first she'd initially despised the sleek, silver guns that had robbed her of her home and family. However, a nasty run in with an Akuma early on had forced her to at least respect their godly power.

She would be the best, because her skills were all she had left.

While lacking the sheer force of say, Cross's abhorrent revolver, "Crime" and "Punishment" fired shots that were smaller and more intense. Both of the pistols attacking at the same time could easily destroy a level one with but a few shots.

The jump from the ladder and the retrieval of her second weapon had taken barely a few seconds, by the time she started firing, the Akuma had just gotten around to noticing her. By the time Cross managed to make his way to the top, both Akuma had disappeared in a brilliant explosion. She smirked and blew away the smoke from her weapons.

Offering but a small nod to her in acknowledgment, Cross scanned for the other Akuma. Sure enough, a few more Akuma began to slowly make their way over.

"Get down!" Cross said in a hushed whisper as they jumped down in-between the cars. They panted silently from their hiding spot as two more Akuma circled overhead. Both were silent as they readied their weapons, Cross finally able to unleash his own Innocence.

There was "Crime" and "Punishment", but "Judgment" was clearly the most bad-ass of them all.

The unsuspecting Akuma floated right into their hands as they hovered just above the waiting exorcists. Aiming their separate weapons above their heads, not a word was spoken as they fired. Unfortunately, one of the Akuma chose that particular moment to move and was only grazed. While his partner detonated, the other turned its guns onto the exorcists below just it.

"Shit," Cross cursed as the Akuma began firing. Being nothing less than physically perfect, they were able to avoid the first onslaught by diving across to the end of the car in front of them. However, their victory was short lived. While the bullets missed them, they went on to massacre the caboose which they had previously been standing on.

Cross winced as he heard the panic and discord erupt from inside the passenger cars and felt the lurch as the train began to slow.

Shit, now they were in for it.

The Akuma repositioned itself and began firing again. Making their way up to the top of the car, the two took a moment to catch their breath.

"We should not be having this much trouble with a damned level one." Lizzy panted, lowering her weapons to lean on her knees. She heard Cross's revolver click and looked up only to be face-to-face with the barrel of Judgment. Suddenly frightened by Cross's apparent loss of sanity, Lizzy barely registered what exactly he was saying.

"Duck," that said, she quickly lowered herself into a crouch and heard the revolver fire soon followed by the sound of the Akuma exploding. She felt the hot shell brush past her cheek. Heart racing and shaking slightly, she could only glower up at Cross when he offered his hand to her this time.

"You bastard! What the hell were you doing aiming that at me!" She shouted, smacking away his hand and steading herself on her own. She didn't need him or his damn, stupid revolver.

"You were in the way, besides, what the hell were you doing lowering your weapons like that? That's certainly a good way to get yourself killed!" He shouted back, the train had nearly stopped by now, soon the authorities would arrive and ask a lot of questions he didn't want to answer.

He sighed in frustration, ignoring her infuriated face; this was shaping up to be one of those days. "Alright, let's bail now before we have to answer any questions." He said, walking over to the middle of the car to calculate the best angle for them to jump. Ok, they were about three meters from the ground, if they hit the ground in a crouch at the right angle they should be able to-

"Leave? You mean jump off of the train? We just need to explain what happened and-" she stammered furiously, first he aims a gun at her and now he demands that she jump from the train. Who does he think he is ordering her around like that?

"And what?' Sorry we blew up your train, I was trying to kill some demons, please send the bill to the Black Order?' If we're caught, we're gonna be arrested. So get your head out of your happy, little fantasy world and enter reality. This is real life princess, deal with it." Cross shouted, there was a nice patch of grass ahead, perfect for an impromptu landing.

Lizzy pursed her lips, but made no further arguments. He was right of course, it just pissed her off to no end to realize how absolutely unappreciated all of their hard work was. Securing their weapons, the two already sore exorcists leaped from the train and rolled into the soft grass. Taking but an instant to reorient themselves, they broke into a sprint aiming to get as far away from the damaged train as possible.

They carried no luggage with them since the trip was supposed to be short, so they left nothing behind them, except perhaps, some broken pieces of their dignity.

Lizzy frowned; these things always seemed to happen when Cross was around.

"This sucks," Lizzy moaned, glancing over her shoulder one last time at the slowing train. "Now how are we going to get to Derry?" Cross grinned cheekily at her.

"Was anyone hurt?" He asked simply. She blinked in confusion, not understanding his query. "Was anyone on the train hurt?" he asked again.

"No, all that was blown up were extra storage cars, the passengers will probably be inconvenienced-" she replied slowly, wondering where he was going with this.

"As long as no one was hurt then we did our job. We'll find a way to Derry somehow, but until then, our job is to protect the public from Akuma." He said, turning his head to face the horizon.

She smiled slightly to herself, feeling a little better about the disastrous train trip. Maybe Cross wasn't as big a jerk as she'd thought. "Besides, that train was getting stuffy, I'm not sure I could've lasted another couple hours with you." The frown returned.

She was certain she would kill this man before this mission was done.

After about fifteen minutes of running they came to a country road and a very convenient buggy heading for Castle Rock, a scant five kilometers from Derry, or so claimed the red faced farmer. They sat in silence for most of the ride, speaking only to satisfy the man's understandable curiosity. Reaching Castle Rock, the kids thanked the farmer and headed in what he claimed was the general direction of Derry.

They reached the town long after sunset and after walking close to seventeen kilometers, even the physically fit kids of the Black Order were about ready to collapse.

Though unspoken, it had been agreed upon that they would find a place to crash for the night before searching for the Innocence the next day. Both were worried that their dirty, ragged, and overall disheveled appearance would dissuade any right-minded inn-keeper from renting them a room.

They were proven wrong to their delight as an old lady pitied them and accepted their filthy, wrinkled money. It was a small room with two lumpy beds, but neither noticed as the prospect of sleep made any bed seem heavenly.

Peeling off their grimy coats and wet boots, both flopped onto their beds as if it held all of life's answers.

"So what do we do now?" Lizzy asked softly, wincing at how loud her voice sounded after countless hours of silence. Cross reluctantly expended the energy to turn his head toward her.

"What do you mean? We collect the Innocence and go home and sleep for about a week." He said gruffly, rolling his eyes. He had thought it was pretty obvious after all.

She glared at him, though she was too tired to put much heat into it. "I know that, but I mean the specifics. Are we going to investigate the town, talk to people? Can we at least discuss the mission parameters and decide our plan of action?" Lizzy was very organized and by the book. She had a plan for everything she did.

She would not leave anything to chance and risk any more heartache in her life.

"A 'plan of action'? You've got to be kidding me. This town's, like, half the size of Headquarters. Just kick up some dirt and you'll find the Innocence no problem." Cross snorted, wishing she would stop talking so he could sleep.

Cross, unlike Lizzy, grew up in a house where you had to be on your toes unless you wanted to wake up black and blue. Plans only got in the way and made it harder to avoid his drunken father. Cross made it a personal habit to never have any kind of serious strategy in life.

This did not suit Lizzy.

"Well we can't just go in charging blind. There is a lot at stake here and we can't risk treating this like some sort of game. You know what will happen if that Innocence falls into the Earl's hands." She said, rolling over to face him. He rolled his eyes in annoyance; he so did not need a lecture on Order policy now.

"And it won't. You can't predict everything. Being overly prepared will get you killed. You get so caught up in your perfect, little plan that you can't adapt to changing events and you ignore your gut." Cross retorted, trying hard to keep the irritation out of his voice. He was far too exhausted to get into a fight with the prattling girl right now.

Not another word was spoken as they turned away from each other and fell asleep. Far too alike for their own good, it seemed like only a great tragedy could occur to unite the two exorcists.

But that would be telling.

The next morning arrived far too soon for the beaten and bruised kids. Even Lizzy, who always rose with the sun, covered her head with a pillow as if to block out the very existence of morning. Cross, who was at no point a morning person, remained blissfully asleep.

Eventually though, duty called and the kids were forced from their peaceful slumber, if a bit later than anticipated. Neither spoke as they drearily went about their morning routines, dreading the upcoming day with each other. Gratefully accepting a meager breakfast of apples and a biscuit from the kindly inn-keeper, they sat opposite of each other, lost in their own thoughts.

"We're searching for some weird phenomena. Finders were sent out here about a week ago, but couldn't locate the Innocence." Lizzy stopped brooding over her apple to look up in surprise at Cross.

Was he- was he actually trying to compromise?

"According to them, the animals around here will occasionally go crazy and do weird shit. The animals were doing strange things like doing complicated humanistic actions and attacking people, stuff that's clearly not normal. Finders report that the animals don't look right, that they've got a weird vibe to them, like they're possessed or something." Cross stated in between bites of biscuit.

Even through mouthful of food, Lizzy could practically hear him forcing the words out. She smiled slightly at his attempts to be cooperative, so she decided to meet him halfway.

"Yeah, I read that all animals affected have some weird glow surrounding them just before they act strangely. After breakfast, let's wander around, ask some questions and see where it leads us." The lack of a concrete plan would surely drive her crazy, but she'd be damned if she let Cross make her into the bad guy.

He eyed her doubtfully, as if wondering why she was being so accommodating. They stared at each other for a minute, like the two tough dogs on the block staring down each other. Sensing no immediate danger and deciding to accept each other's generosity, the two set out to find the Innocence.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Whatever shred of optimism was there at the beginning of the day had all but shriveled up and died by the time the sun started setting. A whole day of walking and questioning had revealed absolutely nothing and frustration threatened to destroy the temporary peace between the children.

The townsfolk of Derry were paranoid and superstitious. Not only were they unwilling to answer questions, but they wouldn't even acknowledge that anything was wrong.

The closest they got to a confession was from an old man who claimed this was the work of an angry deity and it would work out on its own, without help from the big city folk. Walking away, Cross kept his hands clenched to avoid strangling the delusory man.

Lizzy moaned in irritation, clearly this failure was a result of not having a plan. What was she thinking degrading herself to compromising with an ape?

"You know this is your fault don't you?" Lizzy turned to face the red head angrily, how dare he beat her to the accusation! Cross looked at her out of the corner of his eye, the gruffness of his voice the only indicator of his own frustrations.

"You're way too harsh on these people. These are simple farmers, of course they're gonna freak if some crazy girl in an authoritative uniform starts interrogating them." Cross sighed internally, he'd hoped to have been done by now, but it looked like another night of sleeping with the enemy.

Lizzy felt her face flush with anger, that arrogant, selfish bastard!

"You're blaming me!" She screeched causing the crows lining the fence beside them to quickly take flight. "I cannot believe this! This is clearly your fault! Mr. We-don't-need-a-plan. This is what I was afraid of! Without a set strategy we were just asking blindly, now they've all shut up and won't tell us anything!" She shouted louder, she felt she had been pretty damn patient until this point and she couldn't take it anymore. Cross turned his apathetic calm into a snarl.

"My fault? Oh sure, when something goes wrong blame it on the guy. You just can't stand to see your own mistakes, so you push them on the poor motherfucker you're with." Cross shouted, matching her in volume. The air became electric almost as if in fear of an imminent explosion.

"You're just pissed that I'm right! You're such a man, you can't have a plan or ask for help or admit when you're fucking wrong!" She yelled, stomping her foot and kicking up dirt.

Unbeknownst to the bickering exorcists, a group of young boys were chasing what appeared to be a gasping young girl somewhere behind them. While Lizzy and Cross screamed at one another, the boys caught up to the frightened girl and started teasing, pushing and pulling her hair. Had the exorcists been paying attention, they probably would have intervened in the vicious bullying.

However, if they had intervened then the girl would not have screamed and if she hadn't screamed then perhaps Cross and Lizzy would still be arguing in that field in Derry. The fact of the matter is that the girl did get scared, scream and then suddenly the sky turned dark as if a giant tarp had covered them.

Cross and Lizzy ceased in their arguing and looked up to see who had turned off the sun, only to see it was being blocked by an innumerable amount of birds.

All and any kind, it looked like a mass exodus of anything avian.

Though perhaps platoon would be better as the birds suddenly dived, heading straight for the boys.

Wide eyed, the boys let go of the girl and ran as fast as they could away from the killer birds. Reacting quickly, Cross and Lizzy whipped out their guns and started firing, fearing that the manic birds would hurt the children. However they were surprised to see their hits were completely ineffective. As a shot neared a bird, the bird glowed green and absorbed the bullet.

They were even more surprised to see the green birds turn around and volley the shots back at the exorcists. Seeking shelter behind a large haystack, they wondered how to combat the rogue birds.

"Stop!" Silence prevailed after the girl shouted. Peeking cautiously over the stack, they were surprised to see the birds halt in their tirade and form a gigantic multicolored circle around the crying girl.

"Please, just please stop" she begged, though whether she was referring to the birds, the boys, or the exorcists remained unclear. That said, the birds scattered jerkily as if confused why they had ended up there anyhow. They all flew away at the same time, creating a thick wall between the exorcists and girl and by the time it had cleared, she was already halfway down the road.

"Wait please! We don't want to hurt you!" Lizzy shouted, running after her, avoiding the last of the straggling birds. Confused and exasperated, Cross followed her, hoping this girl would have the Innocence they sought.

"Please listen to me, we understand what you're going through and we want to help you! We came here to find you and tell you what's going on!" Lizzy shouted, hoping the girl would hear her. She did hear her and, to Lizzy's surprise, turned around and ran full speed back towards her.

Unprepared for such an occurrence, Lizzy staggered and braced herself as the girl threw herself around her waist. Both girls probably would have tumbled onto the hard dirt had Cross not caught up and steadied Lizzy by the shoulders. As the girl held onto Lizzy for dear life, she looked up with hope tearing in her light blue eyes.

"Can you really help me?"

Once they calmed the shaking girl down-well Lizzy did, that wasn't really Cross's sort of thing-they managed to get a name and a story. Her name was Rachel Orwell and she had been born sickly. She pulled down her sweater to show where the area coloring her neck and shoulders was red and scaly. She explained how she had been born with a weak constitution and fragile organs.

Never really receiving any love from home, she spent most of her days wandering around and befriending the many animals in town. She had an immediate connection with all the creatures, feeling a kinship with them that she never felt with any of her two-legged companions. Sadly, she wasn't as well liked by her fellow humans. Many kids, in the league of the boys earlier, teased her both because of her poor health and her unnatural attachment to the animals.

There were times when she was frightened or stressed that her head would pound and suddenly, wildlife of all sorts would come to her aid or even weirder, she would have an out of body experience and feel herself in the animal's body.

She cried some more out of fright. Cross and Lizzy both exchanged understanding looks, both knew the confused fear that follows the activation of Innocence for the first time. It was scary to feel so out of control, so alone. So they quietly explained to her what was happening.

Her Parasitic Innocence, Exorcists, the Black Order, Akuma and the Earl.

They explained to the young child her destiny as one of God's chosen warriors and how she would be a force for good in the world. But despite their sugary smiles, the exorcists felt guilt and disgust worm into their hearts.

The Order, despite the cheerful tale they spun, was not a jolly place.

Death hung over everything they did and very few exorcists were retired by old age. Who were they to drag this small child from her home and throw her into their holy war? Lizzy and Cross joined the Black Order knowing full well the hell that awaited them, this girl knew nothing outside her tiny town. How could they justify stealing her childhood and quite possibly her life?

"I wanna go with you." They looked down as Rachel spoke, drying her tears. "I hate being so sick and weak and-and I can get strong if I go to this place. I'll get to work with the animals and I can use them to help make people happy. That's all I wanted, I just want to make sure everybody's happy, no matter how many legs they walk on" she smiled with determination and love shining in her young eyes. Recognizing a bit of their own desires in her blue eyes they smiled and each grabbed one of her small hands.

It would hard, but she would make a fine exorcist one day.

"Alright kiddo, but remember, the Black Order isn't a playground. It'll be a lot of hard work, but at the end of the day, you'll sleep good knowing all your work pays off." Cross smiled down at her, he wasn't a bad guy, just a little bitter. But how could anyone act harshly to such a damn cute kid?

"Will I get strong?" She asked, her eyes sparkling with joy and excitement.

"Almost as strong as me." He said, throwing her a charming grin. The girl giggled as she gripped both their hands tightly as they walked back towards town.

Lizzy raised an eyebrow at Cross, since when did you become such a gentleman? He shrugged and gave her a pointed look, get as cute as her and I'll treat you like that, it seemed to say. The heartwarming mood lasted a few moments longer before Cross felt his heart sink in anticipated danger.

He stopped suddenly causing the two girls to stumble.

Lizzy looked back to ask Cross what his problem was when she noticed his serious expression scanning the countryside. Still holding onto Rachel's hand so not to upset the girl, Lizzy slowly drew one of her weapons, now on the lookout for whatever it was that was upsetting Cross. Rachel looked back and forth between her new friends, worry coloring her pale face.

"What's going on, is something wrong?" she asked, more fear leaking into her voice than she would've liked. She was supposed to be an exorcist after all.

"Nothing's wrong Darling. I would just like your Innocence and we'll be on our merry way." Cross jumped and turned around at the voice coming behind him. About ten meters behind them were two level two Akuma and some freaky guy.

He had an even grey skin tone with some crosses lining his forehead. To top it off he had glittering gold eyes and a devious smile. "My name is Neah Walker, and I am from the clan of Noah dear exorcists."

Cross already had his weapon drawn by the time he turned around and Lizzy dropped Rachel's hand in order to grab her second gun. They glared that the strange man, though 'man' was probably stretching it as he looked to be around their age.

They weren't really sure what to make of him, but he was amongst Akuma and that alone made him an enemy. While it wasn't unheard of for a human to side with the Earl, this union felt…wrong.

With their guns still raised, Cross questioned the stranger.

"Hey buddy it's pretty dangerous in that general direction. I don't know what you've been told, but it isn't good for one's health to associate with Akuma." Rachel hid behind Cross, so those were the Akuma she had been told about? They were scarier than she had imagined.

"That's very kind of you, but Timothy and Mandy won't lay a finger on me. And I'll make sure they won't harm any of you if you just quietly hand over the Innocence." Neah said, smiling gently as if greeting an old friend. The Akuma looked down at Neah, frustration evident on their cruel faces.

"But Lord Neah, The Earl told us to kill as many humans as possible, especially exorcists," one hissed. Animals in the surrounding area screeched and howled as Rachel cowered behind Cross, tightly gripping his hand. He squeezed back, promising her in unspoken words that everything would be alright.

"Yes, and please don't refer to us using such demeaning names. He is Thundor and I am-" the other began before Neah glared and cut them off mid-sentence. He knew what the Akuma were for and he knew where they came from, but dammit, Neah would not be killing anyone. This was a simple mission, get the Innocence and get out.

No one would die today, not if he could help it.

"The Earl gave you to me to use as I please. I don't care what he said, I say that we're not killing anyone, is that understood?" The Akuma straightened up quickly, noticing the look their Master was giving them. Their Lord may have been small and soft, but it was suicide to argue with a fully awakened Noah, especially one who had the Earl behind him.

"Y-yes, yes of course Lord Neah!

"Our deepest apologies and I, for one, think Mandy is an adorable name!"

Neah rolled his eyes and turned his attention back towards the exorcists, the easy going smile returning a moment later.

"Sorry about that, good Akuma are so hard to come by these days. I can promise you all that no one will be harmed in the slightest if you will just give me the Innocence." Neah thought it would be easy, since becoming a Noah every order he'd given had been obeyed. He just expected the exorcists to follow suit. Why wouldn't they after all? It was an easy choice, their lives verses a glowing rock. Sadly, Neah had yet to acquire the knowledge that exorcists were stubborn to the point of suicide.

Cross felt his finger trigger twitch, not liking the situation one bit. He wasn't sure what he should believe, but the hairs on his arms and neck told him that they should leave as soon as possible.

"Yeah, so why don't you let us fix those unruly Akuma for you. The three of us will be going back to Headquarters and you can then go wherever the hell you want, maybe to wash off that sissy ass make-up." Cross said, wanting one last time to negotiate. Something told him that this fight would not end well if they faced this guy head on.

He couldn't figure out why exactly this guy set him off so much, he was only human right? How much of a fight could he put up?

Gripping his Innocence tightly, he still resolved to open fire if his final offer was not accepted. Neah sighed and rubbed the back of his neck in disappointment. He had been hoping to leave here without any bloodshed, but he couldn't exactly leave without the Innocence either.

Maybe if he just scared them, they would give up like normal people.

"Are all exorcists this stubborn? All right then Tim, Mandy; please rough up the exorcists a bit. But don't touch the little girl, I'll kill you myself if she's harmed in any way." But the Akuma were too excited by the prospect of killing exorcists to fully comprehend their master's words and charged towards the waiting children.

Pushing Rachel to the side and out of immediate danger, both Lizzy and Cross began firing. The Akuma were quick and managed to dodge most of the bullets, but still suffered damages.

"You goddamned little brats, I'll kill you all!" one shouted, getting close enough to throw Lizzy off balance. Before she knew it, she was on her back with the Akuma grinning above her "My, my aren't you pretty." Lizzy smiled and put both her guns right in its face.

"Yeah, I'm a knock-out," she replied, volleying a few rounds right into the Akuma's face. It stumbled backwards, cursing only to run into the barrel of Judgment.

"Yeah, that face of yours is enough to kill any Akuma," with that said, the Akuma exploded with a well-placed shot. Silently helping Lizzy up, they scanned for the second Akuma. They looked over to the Neah guy who was also looking around, a frown gracing his features. He turned back to the exorcists.

"Uh, hey, where'd that little girl go?" Cross and Lizzy froze, shit, Rachel! They'd pushed her out of the line of fire and now she disappeared, along with the other Akuma.

And then suddenly she appeared.

The Akuma landed in between the Noah and the exorcists holding the wheezing young Accommodator in its giant clawed hand. She was terribly frightened and mutely pleaded for help as she struggled against the crushing grip.

"Lord Neah! I have acquired the Innocence! This girl's a parasite type; I can feel the cursed thing humming under her soft skin." It traced her neck line with its other claw drawing minute amounts of blood. With her failing lungs, she could only whimper in pain and fear.

Cross's heart contracted painfully. He swore to God that he'd save this girl's life. He would not let another innocent victim be added to this endless war.

Apparently, his sentiments were reciprocated in an unlikely source. Neah, this Noah guy, was shaking with anger. He snarled at the Akuma in fury.

"What the hell did I tell you? Do no not harm the girl; she has nothing to do with this! I told you just to get the Innocence, now put her down, now!" While the Akuma was distracted by his Master, Cross and Lizzy took the opportunity to close the distance between them and rescue the young girl.

A few seconds later and they might have actually saved her.

Three human hearts sank at the sound of the Akuma burying its sharp claw completely through her chest. Due to the immense size difference, her head was nearly severed from her body and her midsection was mangled. Her eyes rolled back as a fountain of blood poured from her wound and mouth. Blood even trailed from her eyes in mock tears, taunting the exorcists with her brief pain and mercifully quick death. Cross and Lizzy stopped dead in their tracks, unable to move and unable to tear their eyes away from the gruesome scene.

A loud thump was heard, Cross vaguely acknowledged that Lizzy had just fallen to her knees, letting go her weapons and gripping the ground as if looking for support. The sound of the Akuma's retracting claws from her pale flesh threatened to drive Cross mad.

It was sickening and it went on so agonizingly long. Upon removing his massive claw, the Akuma revealed a tiny, green glow; it was the Innocence they all sought. The three humans, pale with horror, gazed at the holy crystal.

So this is what had been causing so much death?

Neah gaped at the Akuma and the blood that dripped down its claws. This couldn't be real, she wasn't doing anything. She was just a little girl. This was just a simple mission to collect Innocence and maybe terrorize a few pestering exorcists. He tore his gaze away from the pitter-patter of life saturating the ground to the exorcists.

His elder siblings and the Earl had tried to instill in Neah a hate for exorcists and the God they stood for. Neah had once asked the Earl why they hated the exorcists so much, the only answer he had gotten in return was that they opposed him.

He'd never seen one before, as he spent most of his time on the Ark or in Edo, but he'd always imagined them to be subhuman. Looking at them now, he wondered how he could have ever thought that. The girl was on her knees, gripping the ground with such intensity, it surely had to be painful. Tears making their way down her pretty face as she took in the scene.

The red headed boy just stood there, pale and wide-eyed. He looked like a stiff breeze could knock him over and keep him down. The look of anguish on his face was of one who had absolutely no idea what to do.

And where did that leave him? He was doing the right thing, right? The exorcists were the ones destroying the Earl's perfect vision for the world.

But still, why were all these people being killed?

Neah spent most of his pre-Noah time travelling with his brother, Mana. Since their parents were rarely home, Mana took Neah with him when he ran away. It was hard life with few comforts, but they had been happy. And in his travels, Neah had met some wonderful people, people he learned a lot about life from, people who he had come to admire and respect.

The Earl disliked of it, of course, but Neah had found a love for his fellow humans.

Yes, despite what the Earl and the others said, Neah still considered himself human; he was no better than anyone else despite what the Noah claimed. Maybe that's why this hurt so much. That girl was so young; she never got to experience any of the things that made life great.

And here she was dead, gone for all eternity.

This was wrong, Neah decided watching the Akuma's delighted face. All his previous thoughts had led to this conclusion and it had happened in the span of a few seconds. Returning back to reality, he noticed the exorcists still standing there doing nothing in the face of their shock. It seemed that Neah wasn't the only one out for the first time.

The Akuma meanwhile had dropped the little girl's cooling body. It hit the ground with a nauseating squelch; the exorcist girl let out a shrill, rasping gasp and buried her face into the boy's coat. The boy put his free hand on her shoulder to offer her comfort.

The boy looked up and their eyes met. Fierce, burgundy eyes burned into his desperate, silver ones. That boy hated him, hated him for his relation to The Earl, for the death of the poor kid, for making his girlfriend cry. Neah suddenly felt like the most wicked person who had ever soiled this Earth with his presence.

What the hell was he doing?

His muddled mind had no further time to contemplate this rather vague question when it registered that the Akuma was speaking. He reluctantly pulled his gaze from the livid exorcist to glare at the monster he was suddenly afraid of. It even had the audacity to look proud.

Was this what it meant to work for the Earl? To be a hateful killer? And to enjoy it?

He then found himself with the glowing orb of Innocence in his face. He could feel heat and electricity radiating from it; it burned his skin for a moment before decreasing significantly in intensity. He looked down and was not startled in the least to see that his ashy Noah color had faded to his normal skin tone.

So this was the power of Innocence.

"Here, for you Lord Neah. The accursed Innocence from the young girl, just like you asked. Would you please take it and destroy it? It burns me terribly." The Akuma said in voice that managed to combine his pride and pain. Indeed, Neah could see the demon's claws smoking. Neah numbly took the crystal; it hummed warmly in his hands.

It was-it was beautiful.

It began to burn into him as well, as if it was it was disappointed in him, as if it expected better of him. He deserved this. Neah watched calmly for a few moments as his hands smoldered.

That was sure to leave quite an interesting mark.

"Lord Neah… are you alright?" the Akuma questioned, hoping he had done nothing to upset his Master. Upsetting any of the Earl's apostles was a very good way to end up dead.

"You obviously are not that good of a listener. I told you not to harm the girl." Neah said in a harsh whisper, his hands shook as he endured, no, reveled in the pain the burning Innocence was causing him. Her blood was on his hands, no amount of time or punishment could ever change the fact. This pain could do nothing to atone for his atrocious crime, but it was at least something.

"But Lord Neah, the Innocence…" worry filled the Akuma's voice both for his own welfare and his Master's sanity. A Noah was bloodthirsty at best; he could only imagine an unstable one.

"I don't give a damn about the Innocence! You killed that girl! You killed her, you killed her…" Goddammit, Neah thought, now I'm crying. He ignored the stubborn tears as he glared at the demon with all the hate and disgust he could muster. "Now stand still and don't move while the exorcists finish you off. That is an order." The Akuma straightened with fright.

Neah could easily explain the loss of the Akuma. He also happened to know that the Earl was busy with Rhode all day. Neah had come on this day specifically so that he knew the Earl wouldn't be watching him.

Good thing too.

"W-what! Lord Neah you can't! We're on the same side! We both work for the Earl, why would you side with the exorcists!" Despite his acute fear and wild struggles, an Akuma was bound by a Noah's word, he couldn't move a muscle.

"I don't give a damn about you, the Earl or the exorcists. All I care about is the little girl you saw fit to rob of her life." He turned to look at the exorcists who looked at him with suspicion and surprise. "Well, what the hell are you waiting for? Do your job." He shared a moment with the redhead as they stared, trying to decipher the other.

Looking back years later, Neah would recollect how he had discovered everything there was to know about Marian Cross in that brief exchange. Somehow he believed the feeling was mutual. Back in the present, the exorcist boy nodded and raised his weapon.

"Lord Neah! Lord Neah! Please, I don't want to die!" The Akuma pleaded, struggling against his body with all his might, but a Noah's order could not be ignored.

"Neither did she, but at least she had the decency to die with dignity." The effect of Neah's words was amplified by the sound of the Akuma exploding. Silence reigned as the air stole away the last bits of debris and they contemplated their next move.

Cross let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. Holy shit, this… this… He couldn't even describe what he was feeling. This emptiness, this absolute despondency filling his entire body.

Was this what failure was like?

That wasn't important right now, turning back to Lizzy, he gazed down at her. There was blood on the ground where her grip had cracked and ripped her fingernails. He knelt down to beside her as she sobbed pathetically.

She looked so sad, so heartbroken. He'd always thought she was cold and unfeeling, so why was he just finding out that she actually cared?

"W-what did we do wrong? How could we let her die? Y-you, you said an exorcist's job is to protect people, so why couldn't we save her!" She shouted to the sky, bruising the ground with her battered fists. They would need to be bandaged soon before she got an infection.

"I'm sorry Lizzy. I don't know what else we could have done. But- but you can't save everybody." She looked up at him; tears seemed to permanently stain her pallid cheeks.

"This is a miserable, cruel world and only through grit and force can you hope to break even. People like you, you're too nice and it's bad for your health. You can't let this get to you." He gently held her hands, preventing her from further injury.

They were soft, they were hands meant to save, not take, lives.

"There are some things, no matter how hard you try or how fervently you pray, there are just some things that can never be undone." He spoke softly; he'd never lost anyone close to him before. Well, his father died earlier that year but they hadn't been close by any stretch of the imagination.

Maybe it was just that he'd never been close enough to anyone to feel this kind of loss.

Dammit, he couldn't even look at her. They'd never gotten along before, so where was all this crap coming from? He didn't know what else to say, so he just continued to stroke her hands.

"W-why do you have to act like such an asshole all the time Cross-" she asked softly, gasping as she leaned completely on him. The unexpected contact made him pause, but he didn't push her away. "When you're actually a nice guy?" He smiled slightly.

"Well, you know I do have a reputation to uphold." He rested his cheek against her hair and hesitantly wrapped his arms around her. He couldn't remember being this intimate with anyone before, it felt nice in a strange way. He wasn't a nice guy; he knew that… But perhaps, right now, maybe he could bring some small measure of comfort to this girl he'd misjudged.

How had he not seen it before? She wasn't uncaring; she was lonely, just like he was.

They sat like that for what seemed like hours as she quietly wept for the life lost and he sat there stroking her trying to save the only life he could. Both, deep in their own misery, had completely forgotten about the Earl's lackey.

Noah something-or-other.

"I think this is yours." Cross cursed his failing instincts which hadn't caught the kid's presence until he was right in front of them. Still holding Lizzy tightly, he aimed Judgment right at his head. Goddamned bast- his grip on his weapon relaxed almost against his will as he observed the kid's face.

The guy was crying, his posture was bent and angular while his face just looked old. The strange coloring he'd had earlier had disappeared along with his mischievous smile leaving only an expression of such genuine regret that had Cross thinking twice about shooting him. So busy had he been staring into the other boy's eyes that Cross had missed the Innocence lying in his hand. He held it out to Cross as if offering it to him. The Innocence smoked softly in his hands, slowly eating away at his flesh, yet the guy didn't seem bothered by it at all.

"I think you should have it, I know what the Earl wants with it and I don't think I destroy something so beautiful. Not after-after…" His breath hitched as he looked away in shame.

"I won't stand here and say I'm sorry because I know that it won't do any good. I didn't want anyone to get hurt and-and the only thing I can possibly think of doing to make this better is to give you this. You can at least do something good with Innocence; all I can do is destroy it." Cross mutely held out his hand and felt the glowing object drop into his hand.

It was covered not only in Rachel's blood, but the crazy kid's as well.

Hadn't there been enough bloodshed today?

"Hey, look, uh… kid. Your hand looks pretty bad. Why don't you come into town with us so we can get that cleaned up for you?" The kid, and he was a kid now that Cross could see him close up, looked up with confusion and Cross knew how he felt. Every part of him told him to shoot this guy until he was dead; there was this evil, dark aura radiating from him that had Cross's instincts screaming.

But Cross could ignore it all by just looking at the guy's face.

He'd never doubted his instincts before, but despite what every rational thought in his mind said, he knew he had nothing to fear from him.

He couldn't say how, he just knew.

"I killed that girl" The kid said flatly, as if it were the most obvious thing. Cross winced, the guy was right, what was he doing? This-this Noah was dangerous, but still Cross couldn't bring himself to shoot him. Cross would later spend many hours wondering what exactly had compelled him to help Neah that day. The closest answer he could ever find was that anyone who looked that miserable and guilty couldn't possibly be evil. Crossed smiled, though it must have been quite an atrocious thing.

"No, the Akuma killed her. I don't know what's going on between you and the Earl but, if you're half as sorry as you look, then I know you're not one of them." The boy stared wide-eyed at Cross, who, not knowing the impact his words were having, continued.

"This has been an awful day for all of us. Rachel, Rachel was a good kid. I'm sorry I didn't get to know her better and that-and that we couldn't help her. But she's gone and there is nothing you, me or God can do anything about it. The best thing you can do is move on and live for her." Cross was surprised when Lizzy, who had thus far been quiet, spoke.

"Rachel was going to be an exorcist. She wanted to save lives and stop the Earl from killing anymore people. If you really want to atone for her death, live your life as she would have, save those around you. Wallowing here won't bring her back, but maybe if you work hard and believe, you can save other people from the same fate." Lizzy smiled, still clinging tightly to his shoulder and Cross thought for a moment she was the most beautiful woman on Earth.

The moment passed and Cross shook his head to dispel the unfamiliar feeling. He helped Lizzy off of the ground, and seeing that she was alright, he stripped off his coat and put it around the kid's shoulders. With the sun setting, it was getting colder out and, with his hand bleeding like that, what's-his-name needed it more than he did. The kid stared up at them, going back and forth between them, trying to understand their kindness.

He tried to wipe away the tears, but got blood smeared all over his cheeks instead.

"Come on, we'll get you cleaned up. I don't know what we're going to do with Rachel, I suppose we'll take her into town." Cross said, shifting his gaze to her small, maimed body which he gracefully picked up. He tried not to think of her smile as walked back towards town. God how would they explain this to the Order or to her parents for that matter? He sighed, he was so tired, he just wanted to sleep and forget all of this. Unlikely, but a guy could dream right?

"You would really help me?" Neah asked in a small voice, unconsciously gripping the warm black coat the boy had given him without a second thought. The pretty exorcist girl smiled and extended her hand. He stared at it as if doubting its reality.

How could, how could these people, these exorcists be so nice after what he did to that girl?

"A stupid, silly man once told me that it's an exorcist's job to help out all people, no matter the cost. Now let me have a look at your hand." He stared at the offered hand for another moment, before giving in and letting her look over the burn the Innocence had left on his hand.

She hesitated, but after a minute she walked over to her friend and ripped the bottom hem of the girl's dress off. Neah shook his head as she held it out the torn cloth to bandage his hands.

"Oh no, no, no, I couldn't I mean I-I, she-" she shushed him and gently began wrapping the wound. She did it with intense care, but Neah had already begun to feel the pain fading.

The more he stared into the pretty girl's face, the less the Innocence seemed to bother him.

"It's okay, she would want this. We can't just let you get an infection because of sentimentality. We've already lost one person today; I couldn't stand to lose another." Neah stared silently as she tied off the cloth neatly. He flexed his hand, never taking his eyes off her, noting the precision of the wrapping.

"So, um, what's your name?" He asked softly, it felt so strange asking such a casual question to an exorcist. Something in the back of mind writhed in agony at the thought, but he ignored it. She smiled wearily and held out her hand in a friendly gesture.

Out here in this bloody field, he wondered how she could still smile so beautifully.

"My name is Lizzy Logan; the sourpuss over there is Marian Cross. We are junior exorcists for a place called the Black Order it's-" Neah gripped her hand and smiled, really smiled. It felt nice.

"Yeah I've heard of it. I'm uh Neah by the way, Neah Walker." He didn't let go of her hand which, despite being so calloused, was still soft and inviting.

He suddenly jerked back his hand and rubbed the back of his neck, what was he doing? He didn't belong here. These were-these were exorcists. He'd already given them the Innocence, what more did they want? He should say goodbye right now, turn around, hop on the Ark and make some shit excuse to the Earl while he tried to forget all this ever happened.

That's what he should do, if he wanted to live to see the New Year that is.

But he couldn't stop thinking about the little girl, the one he had inadvertently killed, about how he'd be doing this kind of thing all the time as a Noah or about the pretty exorcist girl- Lizzy, her name is Lizzy- with her sweet smile and soft hands.

And Neah really, really, really did not want to go back to Edo right now.

His soul may have been saved, but who the hell was going to save his skin if the Earl found out his favorite child was working with the exorcists? He just wasn't that brave; he wouldn't risk his life for something like that.

He should walk away right now while he still had the chance.

"I think I'll follow you back into town and maybe tell you a little bit about what's been going on." Thus spoken, the dreary clouds which had hovered all day suddenly cracked and with a fury let loose a torrential rain unlike any other Neah had seen.

It plastered his black hair against his face and he closed his eyes, feeling the rain wash away the blood on his face and hands. There was something else, something baptismal about this rain. He'd read that you had to wade through a sea of blood before you could come out clean on the other side.

Feeling the stinging in his palm decrease with each drop of rain, Neah did indeed feel clean for the first time in a long while.

* * *

The exodus is here

The happy ones are near

Let's get together

Before we get much older. ~ The Who

* * *

Okay (deep breath) after so long, I'm finally unveiling this. I feel like a paranoid mother letting their child see daylight for the first time. Anyways, I've been working on this story since May of 2011, so just under a year. Please keep that in mind with the new DGM chapters coming out that I've had this idea running long before Neah's past became known. It started with the random thought that Neah might actually be a good guy who was secretly working for the exorcists and it evolved into... this. One thing I'd like to get straight is, however much I appreciate all of your opinions, this story is completely written and will not be rewritten. I probably won't be making changes according to new DGM chapters and thus this story will just have to be AU. It's a hefty read, I'll admit, but one I hope you all will enjoy.

Once again, all characters belong to Hoshino Katsura except for my characters.

I would like to thank my lovely Beta, Going Sideways, for reading, editing and letting me make this story the best it could be. Suz, I couldn't have done this without you, thank you for all the countless hours spent on Skype in which we beat out the particulars of the plot.

Baba O' Riley (c) the Who


	2. Dear Prudence

_Disclaimer: I do not own any part of D. Gray-man nor any of its characters. I can only close my eyes and quietly play dress up with said characters in my head and hope I'm not desecrating Hoshino Katsura's work too much._

For those of you who care, Author's Notes will be at the end of every chapter and any and all questions will be gleefully answer if asked.

* * *

_Dear Prudence, open up your eyes_

_Dear Prudence, see the sunny skies_

_The wind is low the birds will sing_

_That you are part of everything_

_Dear Prudence, won't you open up your eyes?_

* * *

Stumbling back in the dark had taken more time than Cross had expected and getting through the pounding rain was only half the battle. They listened intently to Neah as he wove a horrifying tale of the Earl and his soulless minions known as the Noah clan.

Cross listened to Neah's smooth voice as he told about the true nature of the war: of the Earl's plans, of his siblings, the Noah, and their powers and weaknesses, of Noah's Ark which could transcend space in seconds. He at last spoke a little of himself, of his family and how he came to be mixed up in all of this crazy nonsense.

Neah had only paused in his story once when they'd given Rachel's body over to the priest at the local church. They didn't know where she lived but from what she told them, her home didn't seem like the best place for her anyway.

So now they sat inside the church, listening to the rain beat heavily against the stone walls trying to reach the children inside.

They sat close together in a pew, each bent over in their thoughts, mulling over the day's events.

There were enough seats for them to spread out, but Cross thinks the tragic experience had left them all a little desperate for some human company. He bit back the spiteful laugh that threatened to come out.

None of them had woken up this morning imagining they'd be here.

Lizzy was sitting to his left, her head bent deep in prayer as she gripped her rosary tightly with her bandaged hands. Neah sat on his right staring off into space, watching the way the rain made patterns on the stained glass. Cross ran a hand through his hair, goddammit, why did things have to get so complicated?

He didn't want anyone to die, he didn't want to get to know Lizzy or find a Noah, he just wanted to come and go and maybe get some sleep in between. He rubbed his eyes, he didn't ask for this. He wasn't anybody's goddamn hero; all he wanted was his peace and his books.

After so many long, hard years, he didn't think that was too much to ask.

"You know," Neah drolled slowly, staring at the stained glass window with lidded eyes; it showed the scene of Jesus being christened in the Jordan River. "I don't think I've been in a church since I became a Noah, I guess I was sort of afraid I would explode or something." Cross snorted, but said nothing. He wasn't sure what to make of this kid, though Cross supposed he couldn't call him that seeing as Neah was a year older than him.

_Still…_ he thought observing the Noah's thin, lanky form which was lazily spread in the pew; he didn't act like an adult; he was more like a confused and rebellious teenager. Neah shifted in his seat and continued to stare out the window.

The rain continued to pound outside, they really should go, who knew what the hell time it was and what this guy was up to.

But the seconds just kept ticking by and he couldn't find the incentive to move.

"So what do we do now?" Asked Neah quietly as slowly the church began to darken as the sun went down. It was a good question, one Cross himself had been mulling over for a while. Lizzy had stopped her praying a few minutes before and was now leaning warmly against his shoulder.

There was no immediate danger and it wasn't very cold in here, so why the hell was she sitting so close?

In his mind he thought of million different ways to tell her to get off, but in the end he never said a word and she stayed right where she was.

"Why do you think the Earl does such terrible things?" Lizzy asked quietly, Cross shivered slightly as the sound of her voice reverberated through his chest. Neah rolled his head in her direction and looked her directly in the eye. There was electricity in the air as his eyes burned intensely.

It was a stark contrast from the empty look he'd had early and it worried Cross to a certain extent. _What the hell,_ he thought with foreboding, _are we getting into?_

"Because he's a miserable sadist, a lower form of life has never existed on this earth. He feeds on the misery of those around him and thrives on chaos. He kicks puppies too, I know, I've seen it." His words hung in the air before they broke up laughing.

There was nothing particularly funny in that statement, but there was something so cathartic about laughing after such an awful day. They settled down after a minute and listened to the last bits of their gaiety echo eerily in the stone church. Cross was pretty sure the priest had left hours before, so they had the place to themselves.

"I don't know, I just- it never bothered me before. I guess, I don't know, I really didn't care. I think I knew something bad was going on, but I didn't do anything about it. Willfully ignorant I suppose you could say." He leaned over and looked at his hands, one pale and thin and the other tightly bandaged around his palm. Cross had only been mildly surprised to see that the wound had been almost healed by the time they had gotten it re-bandaged.

Though if half of what Neah said was true, that was the least of their worries.

"Well why don't you run away or something?" Lizzy asked quietly, removing her weight from him to lean closer to Neah. The space on Cross's shoulder where she had been not a moment before grew cold. Neah looked up at her and smiled gently, the way one smiles when correcting a small child.

"Lizzy, I don't think you quite understand the Noah bond, whether I like it or not, I am stuck with these people for life and after. Even if I slip out in the middle of the night or something, they would find me. I can't-I can't leave. And if by some miracle, I did elude them, they'd go after everyone who's close to me: my mom, my dad, my brother… I can't risk that, I can't risk them." Neah glared down into his hands.

"So don't run away, stand up and fight him." Both turned to him wide-eyed, it took Cross a moment to realize it had been him that had spoken.

H-he didn't want this; to be involved with…them.

He wasn't looking for fortune or glory; he just wanted to make it to see thirty and to avoid any more unnecessary entanglements in his life as he did his duty and nothing more. This terrifying idea they'd been skirting around for the last few hours, this idiotic thought that they could do something in this war, it would do nothing but waste their time and get them all killed.

Really it was just a stupid idea all around.

"If you hate the Earl that much, then you should work with the exorcists to stop him. This will just continue, you know, this cycle of death. He won't stop unless we stop him." His last words resonated dully as the rain provided a steady background to cover up their stunned silence. Cross frowned determinedly, he didn't want this. He'd had it hard and now his life had finally begun to stable out, so why was he getting involved in this? He turned his eyes downward, away from them.

Maybe because he couldn't keep making excuses forever, maybe because he was finally able to escape his father's shadow and make something of himself, or maybe he was finally starting to believe in the Order he'd been chained to since he was born.

"But-" Neah started, they all turned to him and he shut his mouth turning to stare at the floor. After a moment of quiet contemplation he spoke again. "But w-we can't do something like that. I mean, we're just a bunch a kids, it's just that … you don't know what the Earl can do. We would-we would die if we tried to fight the Earl." Neah said heavily, letting his words hover in the moist air.

"So what are you going to do instead? Go back there and quietly rebel against the Earl only in your mind? I'm not denying that this is a hard decision, but sometimes it's the hard decisions that really count." Cross leaned back against the pew and looked at the ceiling. The more he thought about this crazy and damning plan, the more he began to believe in it. Despite the chill, he felt his body warming as he let his mouth run away with his thoughts.

"I've been sitting here thinking about Rachel and how she died, she died willing to give everything to help those around her… and I honestly can't say the same. I've done nothing with my time at the Order; I've been too damn concerned with my own problems to see that there was a bigger world out there. It would be nearly impossible and we'd probably die, but wouldn't it be better to die young doing something incredible than to die old and worthless?" No sooner had Cross finished speaking did Neah stand up abruptly; he looked down at them with fear and confusion.

"I-I can't, I just, I can't do that. It's not-It's not just me. They're hanging Mana over my head and if something were to happen to him… I mean I'd like to help, really, but I just-I just-" Neah stuttered incoherently, trying to come up with a decent excuse other than his own fears. He couldn't betray the Earl, he just couldn't. He shut his eyes as his mind replayed the little girl, Rachel's, demise. Dammit, but he couldn't just sit around and do nothing either.

Lizzy grabbed his hand; it wasn't a desperate pleading gesture. She just slipped her hand into his as if it belonged there. She looked up at him with an easy expression on her face, so patient and understanding.

"We're not trying to force you to do anything you don't want to, I mean, you barely know us and all. But I just want to ask you one thing before you leave. If you leave now and go back to the Earl with your tail between your legs, how well will you sleep tonight or in the nights to follow?" Neah could've laughed; he could've fallen onto the floor in hysterics.

The answer was obvious, he wouldn't.

Not a wink.

For the rest for his life.

Mana had always told him that Neah cared too much for his own good and now it was coming back to haunt him. If he tried to go back to Edo and pretend that everything was alright, he would spend the rest of his life staring at the ceiling and hating himself every minute of every day for it. Was living really worth that?

He looked back and forth between their earnest faces, they really believed this. They believed that with his help they could defeat the Earl. It was insane and absurd and no way in hell possible. But the seed was planted and the damage done. There is no disease more potent or contagious than hope; he felt his heart lift as the idea began to take root.

Maybe they _could_ do this.

A smile graced his face without him realizing. He- he could be friends with these people, he could fight alongside them, learn their dreams and help them achieve them. Sure, they'd probably get themselves killed and yeah the Earl would maim them something awful when he found out.

But hell, they'd have fun and besides, who wanted to die of old age anyway?

"Well I-I suppose I could stop by every now and then and toss around a few ideas..." Lizzy grinned up at him with a beautiful smile and held his hand tightly. He flushed and thought that getting to know her better certainly couldn't hurt either. Cross put his hand on top of theirs and gave them a tawdry smirk.

"Alright, let's save the world." _Yeah,_ Neah thought to himself, _this could be nice_. They never did make it back to the hotel that night. They spent the rest of the evening in that church exchanging stories about their life, their families and their a word was mentioned about the enormity of their chosen goal, but somehow words weren't necessary. Neah could see it in their eyes, a combination of fear, excitement and just a little bit of hope. _Real nice, _he purred softly as he relaxed in the comforting embrace of his new friends.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Cross couldn't recall when it was they eventually did fell asleep, all he knew was that he woke up with the multi-colored light streaming onto his face; he was flanked at both sides. Lizzy purred contently, nuzzling into his shoulder while Neah battled some dream, his back up against Cross's other arm and his long legs spewed awkwardly over the end of the pew.

He thought to himself that this was not the strangest thing he'd woken up to and promptly fell back asleep.

When Lizzy awoke a few hours later, stretching away the last bits of sleep, she finally remembered her job as an exorcist. Shaking Cross awake, they hurriedly began to gather their things so they could catch the next train back to the Order. They didn't need their Master sending a search party, something which neither of them doubted he would do. Neah stretched and rubbing his eyes with his palm and calmly informed them that he'd drop them off with the Ark he'd told them about and that there was no need to rush.

The panic gone, they leisurely got ready and twenty minutes later, just as they were about to leave, Neah suddenly ran to the back of the church and grabbed a candle. He lit it with a snap of his fingers, a feat that impressed both Cross and Lizzy to no end and set it on the alter.

"Mana told me that you should light a candle when someone um dies. It not only pays tribute to the life lost, but also helps guide their souls into heaven." He blushed and rubbed his neck, a trait Cross would come to associate with Neah's nervousness or embarrassment. "At least that's what Mana told me."

They stood there for a moment in reverence, staring at the ceiling and wishing Rachel the best and promising her that her death would not be moment passed and Cross gave Neah a friendly shove, calling him a girl. Neah defended his manhood as he summoned the gate leaving the town of Derry behind and the small candle flickering in the shadow of the rising sun.

Cross immediately began tearing into the mechanics of the Ark and only the promise of a more extensive tour later on got him out of the thing. Neah hovered a little awkwardly behind them, answering questions hesitantly and occasionally looking over his shoulder to see if anyone was watching them.

Cross didn't have to think too hard as to whom Neah was fearing.

He just sighed and put his hands behind his head and hoped that they had made the right decision. Last night had been fun, but Cross wondered if this could actually work, if the three of them even stood half a chance of pulling this impossible task off. Lizzy surprised them all by embracing Neah in a tight hug as they arrived at Headquarters. Neah just stood there stiffly, accepting the hug with a bright blush.

"I'm glad I met you." She whispered softly before making her way back over to Cross. A smile and a wave and Neah was gone. They stood outside the gate all alone wondering if everything that had happened had been just a dream. The blood soaked Innocence in his pocket informed that it had been all too real and that there was one last task to complete before they could really put all of this behind them.

Taking a deep breath, they entered their base. They must have been quite a sight staggering into Headquarters with their dirty, blood smeared faces and ripped and ruined clothes. Or maybe it was the fact that two hated enemies were holding hands.

Lizzy gripped Cross's hand tightly, ignoring the stares and thinking of the terrible news they had for their Master. Cross wanted to pull his hand away, wanted to take the long way to his Master's room to avoid the stares, but he couldn't seem to find the will to let go of her. The problem with loneliness is that you don't often realize you were lonely until after you've really connected with someone.

Too many people had hurt him in his life and he had been content to go through the rest of it all by himself. _He wasn't doing this because he liked it,_ he reminded himself stiffly, _he was doing this for the world_. He let go of her hand and, with only a moment of hesitation, wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. She stiffed at the contact before leaning into him as he led her down the hallway to their Master's room.

He could only imagine what people were going to say in the cafeteria today and in the weeks to come.

General Devdas opened the door and nearly spit out his tea upon seeing who had arrived and just what they were doing. They softly explained how they had found a girl with parasitic Innocence who had been slain by an Akuma before they could help her.

Lizzy had sworn she wouldn't cry in front of her Master and instead buried herself in Cross's chest, hoping he wouldn't see her shameful tears. General Devdas nodded with understanding. With an affectionate pat he sent them off to their rooms, they deserved their rest. After they left, the General sighed and poured a little amber colored pick-me-up into his cold tea.

_What a day, what a day,_ the General sighed sipping the pleasantly burning tea. He twirled the bloody Innocence in his hand, maybe one day they would understand that life was not kind and that it was hard enough just to get by.

_They were good kids,_ he thought, _they would go places; only now they wouldn't be alone_.

If only the General could've known sitting in his office on that rare sunny English day with his half a cup of tea where exactly his young pupils were heading to and how a simple mission had started a chain reaction that would send ripples through the war for years to come.

**DGMDGMDGM**

For those of you wondering, Neah got off fairly easily as well.

Yes, he was teased and ridiculed by his fellow Noah, but the Earl just nodded in understanding. After all, how could he expect his youngest Noah to combat seven exorcist and two Generals on his first mission? He apologized to Neah that he couldn't be there to help him, but a disease nicknamed Captain Tripps had sprung up and he had a lot of grieving souls to steal.

Neah just smiled, he was very good at that, remember?

"Did you like it my boy?" Neah shrugged casually to hide the shudder that racked his body. He had a feeling the Earl wasn't just referring to his pleasant train ride.

"I guess if you like that sort of thing." He said, shoving his hands into his pockets. This would be tricky, not only convincing the Earl of his loyalty, but in staying off more missions like that. He would never again allow his hands to be stained with the blood of innocents, this he swore on his life.

"Aw was sweet little Neah upset about getting his pretty little hands dirty." Amora Montana, the Noah of Desire, said patronizingly as she roughly pinched his cheek. "I bet you didn't hurt a fly did you?" she purred, disappointment coloring her sultry voice.

The other Noah really didn't like him, it seemed that even before they sensed he was different from them. Only now he was in on the joke too.

"Now Amora, my dear, leave your brother alone. Neah, I know you're still getting used to life here. Don't worry, it'll come to you eventually, but for now we'll take it nice and slow. Alright?" Neah nodded thankfully and ignored chicken sounds his siblings made, they were just jealous of his favored position.

As he sauntered back to his room, Neah let a rather devious grin grace his normally sweet face. The Earl had just given him exactly what he wanted. Neah would help with missions alright; the Noah would show up only to find their prize already in the hands of the enemy.

And who would suspect little Neah?

Neah, who never left the Ark and was far too meek to ever think of defying the Earl? He rubbed his left palm absentmindedly where the Innocence left a discolored scar on his palm. One day, it could be tomorrow or years from now, the Earl would find out that his cherished Neah had turned against him and only God himself could save them then. Shaking the worries from his head, he continued his leisurely stroll down the hall and wondered what his new friends were up to.

As he neared his room he even began to whistle.

**DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM**

There was something so… wrong about all of this.

Lizzy wasn't used to this type of human contact and it certainly felt strange sitting next to Cross of all people. But here he was now, sitting next to her at the lunch table, looking just as uncomfortable as she felt. She almost felt like starting an argument just so things would start making sense again. She never sat down and talked to many other people here at the Order so she wasn't sure how small talk was supposed to go.

What were they supposed to talk about? The weather?

It was easier when Neah was here, she smiled at the thought. It had only been a few weeks and already she had found Neah's sweet and caring personality growing on her. When the three of them were together, it seemed there was no end of things to discuss. It just felt so natural to laugh and joke with the two boys. But so far, she had yet to find that easy camaraderie when it was only her and Cross.

She sighed a little and twirled her hair. She was trying, she really was, but it was just so hard to talk to him sometimes. Just a glance in her direction would enrage her for no good reason. It was insane and ridiculous and Lizzy wondered not for the first time if the three of them were just kidding themselves. So they were going to stop the Earl? She snorted. They were kids, junior exorcists none the less. And they thought they could end a war that had been going on for a hundred years?

What had seemed like a good idea in the pouring rain now seemed akin to suicide.

_And it wasn't just that,_ she thought grimly, turning her eyes to look at the silent boy beside her.

Maybe this whole friendship thing wasn't meant to last, maybe some people just weren't meant to get along. Maybe she and Cross were just too different to be friends. It seemed Neah was the only thing keeping the two firearm Accommodators from tearing into one another. On days when Neah wasn't here, days like today, they seemed to merely tolerate the other's presence, acting more like statues than friends.

Maybe something's just weren't meant to be.

"So," Cross said coughing into his fist awkwardly. "How was your last mission to France? You were in Le Havre right?" She rolled her eyes as a few people in nearby tables leaned over expectantly.

The Order could be a dull place when there were no missions to go on and thus the betting pool was often the remedy for such boredom. The progress of her, not sure what else to call it,_ relationship _with Cross had become the new hot topic and people were betting on everything from how long until they got married to who would be the first to die violently and painfully.

She'd actually been approached by people asking about the odds, not that _she_ would ever stoop to such despicable lengths.

"Yeah, that's right. It was nice, I suppose." She looked up at him and noticed he was actually giving her his full attention. Now she wasn't sure what to do. She had planned on ending the conversation with that, but now it seemed that he was expecting more. She sighed in her head and wondered why the hell people demanded so much of her.

"The only thing that bothered me I guess is the landscape, I mean it's um it's a shame really. It's such beautiful country; right on the water with a picturesque view wherever you look and now it's become an industrial haven. I could barely find a speck of living grass in the whole city." She looked down and the table and drew nervous circles with her fingers. She raised her eyes after a moment, watching him watch her. His eyes drifted up to the ceiling.

"It seems to be happening everywhere, the last few places I've been seem to be the same." His eyes wandered back to her and she found herself unable to look away as he continued talking.

"It's easy sometimes to forget what the outside world is like. I mean in here, we have our own little sanctuary, our own rules and our own little culture. Going out there, seeing how much things have changed, it can be a little weird you know." He smiled awkwardly and she found herself smiling back without thinking. She just kept looking into his eyes.

This was the Cross she had met in Derry, the guy who wasn't a complete ass, who had consoled her following Rachel's death and had proposed that they save the world together. She brought her index finger to her lip as she studied him. If he just stayed like this and ceased with his usual boorish behavior, they just might be able to make this work after all. She nodded.

"Yeah, it seems like it's been awhile since I've been able to go outside and really be a part of society. I mean it's strange how much I miss now that I'm locked up here." She said with a light chuckle. "I used to know everyone important in London, all the best shops and such and now I don't think I could find my house anymore, funny isn't it?" Not that she had a home to return to, but he didn't need to know that.

"Yeah, real funny." He replied, raising a dry eyebrow. Lizzy kept the smile frozen on her face, but internally she was getting a little annoyed. There he went again with his goddamn condescending attitude, like he was so much better than her or something. _Calm down_, she said to herself, _every friendship has its bumps, you just have to…_ have to what? Just live with it?

If there was one thing Elizabeth Aliena Logan did not do well, it was to 'just live with' something. So, of course, being the proud, independent woman her parents never wanted her to be, she dropped her smile and frowned at her companion, determined to speak her mind.

"Now tell me what you find so amusing about that? Do you have a problem with the way I lived?" She demanded, not trying very hard to keep the spite out of her voice. She clenched her fists as he just continued to look at her with that aggravating look of his that said that he really didn't give a damn.

"No, it's just you." He said, propping his elbow on the table and leaning his head on his hand as he stared at her.

"I don't get you sometimes, one minute you're acting like a normal person and then suddenly your back to acting like some privileged bitch who deserves better. I know you didn't want to be 'locked up' in here with us but I'll have you know a lot of people _volunteered_ to come here, to serve God and actually do some good. Maybe you should think about that next time you say things like that." She nervously wrung her hands under the table. Oh dear he was right. She hadn't meant it like that but hearing him throw it back at her she sounded like such a-

Wait, what did he call her?

"Excuse me," she growled, leaning forward to address him more closely, a sneer dancing on her face. "While I value you opinions above all else." She said mimicking his dry behavior and accenting it with an eye roll. "I would appreciate you not referring to me or my lifestyle in such a way. We are supposed to be _friends_ remember? And _friends_ do not call _friends_ by such profane names." She lowered her lids, observing him as he stared at her, the corners of his mouth twitching in annoyance.

"I'm sorry; I was under the impression that _friends _were supposed to tell _friends_ when they were being selfish and conceited. I'm terribly sorry, did I hit a nerve?"

God her weapons were so close…

"Hello children!" they both pulled back as their Master was suddenly between them, patting them heartily on the back. Lizzy looked at him in surprise, her anger temporarily forgotten, as she wondered where the hell he had come from and how he always managed to be there when things got heated between her and Cross. "Have I mentioned how wonderful it is that the two of you have resolved your differences and become friends?" he pulled a tissue from his pocket and lightly began to dab his eyes.

"It brings tears to see my eyes to see my young pupils doing so well." Cross snorted quietly and leaned back on his hand, his aggravation replaced by his usual bored expression. The annoyance which had temporarily abated now returned with full force. What the hell was his problem? Did he think he was that goddamned righteous that he could lecture her on her duties as an exorcist? Master patted her head.

"And since you two are doing so well together, I'm going to ask a little favor of you both. The latest batch of Inductees decimated my training room this morning. General Fleming is out with pneumonia and I'm afraid I must cover his group as well." He shrugged his shoulders and sighed wearily in a dramatic fashion that had Lizzy wondering how many times he had practiced it in front of a mirror.

"So now I simply don't have the time to clean my room and my next batch of students begin their training at five so, if it wouldn't be too much trouble, could you two clean up the training room so I can at least hold session in there?" He put his hand on his hip and wagged his other finger at them cheekily.

"I only ask you because I trust you two more than any of these other kids. They're all sweet mind you, but they haven't much practical experience if you know what I mean." Cross smirked insolently.

"I suppose we're also expected to complete this alone right?" Lizzy threw him a light glare, what the hell was he smiling about? She herself could find nothing amusing about wasting what little free time she had cleaning up the messes of some spastic kids. Master only grinned wider.

"Of course my boy, the room isn't very big and with everybody being so busy, you needn't bother anyone else. I'm sure you'll be done far before five and besides-" he leaned down and wrapped an arm around their shoulders, pulling close them so they were leaning against his shoulders. "It's always more fun to do these sorts of things with a friend am I right?" He straightened up and clapped his hands.

"Right then! Thank you again, I owe you both one." He said, grabbing their hands and pulling them to their feet, gave them a light push towards the door. She knew her Master was spirited, borderline psychotic at times, but this seemed a little much even for him. He brought his hand up and gave them a cheerful wave as they stood by the door.

"Bye, bye children, this means a lot to me and remember to have fun with it!" he said cheerily. She gave a half-hearted wave, slightly depressed that she would have to spend so much alone time with Cross. Damn, she wished she could see Neah and ask him to help make this bearable, but he was literally on the other side of the world and out of reach. She sighed and resigned herself to an afternoon of awkward, mono-syllabic conversations and barely restrained arguments.

**DGMDGMDGM**

General Devdas continued to beam until the two kids exited the cafeteria to which he, and probably the rest of the cafeteria, sighed in relief. He swore he had to follow these kids constantly to make sure they didn't blow up at each other. It was maddening really. They were so close to crossing the bridge and reaching the potential they could only achieve together, but their collective stubbornness kept getting in the way. Hopefully a little forced labor will help them work out their differences.

Froi Tiedoll, a skilled young exorcist under aforementioned General Fleming, was walking past with his tray and passed just in front of him, a light smile playing on his face. "Curious, I just saw General Fleming in his office looking perfectly healthy. It's also strange that you would request two exorcists to do a job normally required of the Generals." Devdas grinned.

"My dear boy you appear to be overestimating my generosity. Not only have I diffused a fight that surely would've have taken down half the quadrant, but I now have free laborers to do the job I'm supposed to be doing." He patted the boy on his head.

"That is why you want to be a General, Froi; you would not believe the amount of work you can get out of by coercing young students. Now while those two clean my room, I believe I'm going to go back to my room and nap, would you like to take care of my paperwork for me?" Froi smiled and continued on.

Devdas just shook his head and hoped that finally those two would be able to get over themselves and actually become friends.

And it didn't hurt that his training room would get cleaned either.

_It's good to be a Genera__l,_ he thought before going off to an important appointment with his couch.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Cross stepped back and observed the room. Master really hadn't been exaggerating when he had said that the kids had devastated it, it looked like a goddamned warzone in here. He sighed wearily and rubbed the back of his neck, thinking of how they would approach this. First they had to remove the excess rubble. How would they move and where would they put it? Maybe he could borrow something from the science department…

"Any ideas?" Lizzy huffed next to him, looking as defeated as he felt. There was no way they would finish this before five. He understood that his Master wanted them to bond and shit, but couldn't he have suggested a walk outside instead?

"Well we can't do anything until we get rid of all this debris, after that I guess we should try and scrub the scorch marks off of the walls. We could probably find new targets in the supply closet, so we'll probably have to set those up as well." Lizzy leaned her head back and moaned.

"Christ, this is going to take forever." He chuckled a little, despite how high and mighty she acted at times, she was just as human as the rest of them. Who knew?

"Yeah, well standing here isn't going to get this cleaned any faster. Might as well get this over with as soon as possible." He put his hands in the air and stretched, still feeling the last fading twitches from their fight in Derry. He watched Lizzy bend down and pick up a piece of wood which bore the faded traces of a painted Akuma face. It was smiling; really sometimes Master was too much. As she turned over the plank in her hands, he noticed the dark red scabs all along her hands which were slowly, but surely, healing over.

"How are they doing?" She looked up and he clarified with a light blush on his face. "You're um hands I mean." She shrugged uneasily and threw the piece over her shoulder into a little pile. They slowly got into the routine of grabbing material and setting it in the corner. After a few minutes, he had given up any hope of her answering when finally she spoke.

"They don't really hurt all that much anymore. I was more concerned about Neah anyway. I mean, you saw what Rachel's Innocence did to his hand." Cross nodded, it was strange the whole Noah thing and he was still having trouble wrapping his mind around it. To think that Innocence, God's power, would do that to someone. That there was a group of people loyal only to the Millennium Earl who were secretly pulling the strings of history while they hid in the shadows. That someone, someone as sweet as Neah Walker could be caught up in all this.

Cross had spent many nights awake replaying everything Neah had said to him, thinking about what it meant and wondering what he should do with such precious information. The most logical course of action would, of course, to be to report it immediately. To have someone that close to the Earl on their side could very well be the thing that ended this war. But here he was, almost two weeks later still keeping quiet about Neah's existence.

It was strange; he was doing so many illogical things lately. His eyes wandered to Lizzy.

"Yeah, but he took it in good grace, you saw how he was proudly showing it off the other day, like it was some glorious wound received in battle." Lizzy smiled at him and it felt nice. He was good-looking and he knew it; he had gotten used to the fact that pretty girls were always smiling at him.

But they didn't smile like she did and none of them made him feel like this.

"He's an idiot you know." He looked up surprised to hear her talking; she straightened up and brushed her hair out of her face looking over at him. "Neah is, you know, with what he's doing with us." She sighed and looked up to the ceiling. "I mean why would he do something like that?" she sighed.

"I've been thinking a lot about this promise we made and Neah is the one who suffers the most if this fails. I mean if we're caught, we'll be reprimanded I'm sure. Worst case scenario we'll be ex-communicated or something. But Neah-" she closed her eyes. "Neah stands to lose everything, his family, even his life if he's caught conspiring with us. It makes me wonder what kind of person you have to be to work toward something that can only hurt you the end." She looked over at him with wide eyes. "It makes me wonder if I can ever be that brave, to be willing to give so much for someone I barely know." Cross stared down at the piece of wood he was holding and smiled a little.

For all they argued, even before all this, he had thought she was brave. He may not have liked her, but he had always respected her.

Really, he was surrounded by idiots.

"You are brave. You just need to stop living in your fabulous past and do something with it. Quit acting so superior and start using your skills to actually help people." He felt the tension spike and he couldn't help but sigh. Great, now what did he say? Was he being insensitive to her delicate female emotions or some crap? Seriously, what was it with women and their damned feelings?

"And who are you to lecture me? You aren't exactly Mr. Personality yourself in case you haven't noticed so you have no right to talk to me like that!" She snapped and it echoed across the room. He sighed angrily; there was no talking to this girl sometimes. He was trying to be nice here, trying to tell her that she didn't need to act so self-important to get people to like her but would she listen? No. Instead she gets angry and decides to start another fight. Jesus, can't she handle a little constructive criticism?

"I might not be perfect, but at least I don't go around pretending that I am! You really think you're all that great? That you're something special? Well I hate to break it to you princess, but you're an exorcist same as everyone else. I don't care who the fuck you were out there, in here, the only thing that makes you better than the others is your synchronization. You're just as human as the rest of us, so start acting like it!"

He could practically see the steam rising from her ears as she glared at him. This was getting them nowhere fast. Not only were they slacking off on their work, but their chance of ever becoming friends was slipping away faster than sand through an hourglass. He should calm down, try and reason with her and explain to her what he really meant. But dammit, the woman was being so unreasonable!

"Don't you think I know that you asshole?" He furrowed his eyebrows, not expecting such an answer. "Don't you think I realize that I'm not good enough? I couldn't-I couldn't even save a little girl from a damned Akuma, so don't you stand there and tell me that I'm brave or I'm conceited because I'm not! Because I couldn't-I couldn't even save a little girl." She shouted, breathing deeply looking at him with saddened eyes. The heat of his anger was cooled by the mention of Rachel.

Christ, he could still feel her small hand in his and feel her blood splattering onto his face. He looked away and closed his eyes, trying to block out the memory, but Lizzy just kept talking.

"You really are a jerk sometimes, you know that Cross? You can stand there and have the audacity to yell at me when we're both just such failures? I mean, what the fuck is wrong with us that we can't-we can't save someone? We're supposed to be fucking exorcists and how come we can't even do that?" She shouted and Cross remained silent. What could he say? He knew how she felt, Rachel's death had haunted him as well and he was sure he would see her broken body and hear her awful rasping screams in his head for years to come. Lizzy slouched over as the fight went out of her.

"How-how is it that we can stand here and fight while little girls are dying because of us? Why do we have to be so fucking weak that can't even save one life?" He looked down.

"I-I don't know," he said softly kicking his feet against the floor. "That's something you're going to have to take up with God. But-but I don't think you're weak. You can curse all you want, but there's nothing wrong with being human." She looked up at him, but he ignored her gaze and went on collecting debris. "You can be so weird sometimes. I see you walk around the base acting like you're something special, like you're so much better than everybody else and it always makes me mad to see you belittle people like it was nothing." Another piece of wood was thrown in the pile as he continued.

"And then I saw you in Derry, I saw you fight first for the people on the train and later for Rachel, I saw you fall to your knees in grief as you lost someone you wanted to protect and, most of all, I saw you smile at Neah, offer him help. Despite knowing who he was and what he had done, you were willing to put everything else aside and see him for who he really was." He finally looked up at her.

"I don't know all the details of your story, but I know you didn't come here willingly and I know things got tense at home because of it. But watching you these past few weeks, I keep trying to reconcile these two people, the girl who sneers at other people's work and the girl who cried over a little girl's death." He sighed and shook his head.

"I just don't know why you have to act like a bitch when you could make a difference here. You're an amazing shot, but you spend all your time trying to live your old life when you're so much better than that." Lizzy didn't say anything, but just stood in the center of the room with her head hung low and her long tresses covering her face. He bit his lip, wondering if maybe he had overstepped his boundaries.

He had thought maybe something open and honest, something that Neah would've said, would help bring her down from whatever was causing her to act so out of character. It hadn't taken him long to realize that bitchiness wasn't her normal behavior, the real question was why she tried so hard to act that way? Still, it was a little imposing, even for him, and if they wanted this to work he should at least try and be a little considerate of her feelings.

They had to be able to work together if they wanted to defeat the Earl and so unraveling her trauma seemed the best way to achieve this.

"Hey um Lizzy, I uh hope I didn't upset you or anything it's just-" damn he was so bad at this kind of talk. He'd never had to console people before, much less girls; he had no idea what to say. His worry rose to panic as he saw her gasp hoarsely and raise her fists to wipe her eyes. Shit!

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I-I-I didn't mean it really, I can be such an idiot sometimes, really, I was just um rambling you know, I wasn't even saying anything meaningful, so just ignore me!"

"It was so hard coming here," she said wiping away her tears. "I-I, my family they-" she bit her lip and turned away. "I was devastated, I didn't know what to do. I never really fit in there anyway. I was too independent for them, I wanted more than a rich husband and a big house, but-but they couldn't see that. They were-they were disappointed in me, they didn't say it, but they didn't have to. Coming here, I thought-I thought I was doing something wrong that-that God was punishing me for my presumptuousness or something." She wiped her face with her sleeve and looked at him tearfully.

"I want to help people, I really do. I believe in the Order and I believe in Neah because… because I have to! I have to have something to believe in or I think I'm going to die, I have nothing out there. I thought if I pretended I did, if I acted braver than I felt then I could get through this, but-but it's only made it harder." She laughed a little and looked at him sadly.

"Look at how pathetic I am, what do I have to complain about? I'm alive here while girls like Rachel are dead in their graves. I guess-I guess I really am pretty pitiful. What an exorcist I am."

Cross fiddled with his hands and rocked on his feet, trying to alleviate the discomfort in his body. He wasn't good with this sort of thing, was he supposed to go over and hug or did she want her space? He wasn't much for physical contact anyway so what then? He wanted her to stop crying. He didn't like how it made him feel and-and he didn't like to see her unhappy. He liked seeing her mad better than seeing her sad.

"I don't think you're pathetic." He said anxiously, taking a hesitant step forward and then another. "We all have family problems and it's something we have to deal with on our own. But-but there's nothing wrong with feeling…upset over that, I mean I understand. Me and my old man, w-we had a hard time too." She sniffed and looked up at him with those big, chocolate eyes of hers.

"You have problems with your father?" He rubbed his neck.

"Well um we did, he uh he-he kind of died a few months ago." She gasped and her hand flew to her face in surprise and sympathy.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I didn't-I didn't mean to I mean I didn't know-" He breathed in through his teeth and looked at the ground still rubbing his neck. He never talked about his dad to anyone. How could he tell her that he had laughed when he heard of his father's passing, that he spent every moment living in that man's house in constant fear, that beneath all the fear and loneliness, he had nursed a secret hatred for the man that he was ashamed of?

"Trust me; it was no loss to anyone. The only people who probably mourned him were the bars who lost their most loyal customer." He sighed and rocked on his feet.

"My dad was a perpetual drunk, a walking hell once he had a little alcohol in him. I-If we're being completely honest here, he was a bastard who hit me whenever he saw me and never spoke to me unless it was to tell me how stupid I was. I spent all my time in the science department hoping he wouldn't find me, hoping I could escape the beatings and abuse for a day."

Well there, he had said it. This would be the first time he had ever directly told someone what his father did to him. This was the first time he didn't lie when he spoke his father's name. What had changed? hy was she so different?

"It must have been lonely." Lizzy said softly, he blinked. Lonely? He hadn't really thought about it. He'd had his books, his work and, later, his training as an exorcist. He had always been too busy to dwell on his situation and had merely accepted it as an unavoidable part of life. He'd never had any friends, but that didn't mean he was lonely right?

"I guess we were both lonely. You were hiding from your father, while I was hiding from my status." She laughed a little. "I guess Neah isn't the only one with a messed up family." He smiled.

"Are you kidding me? On my dad's worst day he never looked like the Earl. You've seen pictures of him; can you believe the ears on that guy? He could probably poke somebody's eye out with them." Lizzy snorted and brought her hand up to face in embarrassment. "Don't," he said gently, letting a tentative smile rise to his face. "Stop pretending to be something you're not." He put his hand behind his head.

"Besides, if you're going to look like a pig, you might as well sound like one."

"Takes one to know one." She retorted back, but there was no venom in her statement and she had a broad smile on her face as she wiped away the rest of her tears. He smirked.

"Now come on, now you've hurt my feelings." He said holding his hands over his heart. She laughed and waved him off as she began collecting wood again. He smiled again and noted how genuine it felt. When was the last time he had smiled like that, smiled at someone and really meant it?

It felt nice.

He cast one last glance over at her, before continuing with his pile. This just might work out after all. So they chatted lightly as they went about their work. Drifting from subject to another, not really caring what they were discussing, but just enjoying each other's company for once. Cross was glad he could get past Lizzy's icy exterior and actually talk to her. Lizzy was just happy to see him stop yelling. Pretty soon, as their Master had predicted, the chores were done before five and the training room was as clean as it would ever be.

"If the exorcism thing doesn't work we can have exciting careers as janitors." Cross said casually, giving her a teasing grin. She folded his arms and flipped her hair.

"Maybe be for you, but I've got a world to save." Same old Lizzy.

"Alright well," he said, slowly pulling back on his coat which had been thrown off when the walls were being scrubbed. "I'm not hanging around here any longer, who knows what other chores Master will give us if we stay here." Lizzy nodded in agreement and tugged her hair out of its tail.

"I was-" he paused, was it too early? No, dammit go for it. "I was going to try and get a few hours practice outside; I mean you don't have to, but if you want you can-you can join me." He said awkwardly, looking at the floor. He jerked a little in surprise as she walked up and linked her arm in his.

"I would love to," she said sincerely. "We both promised we get better after all, for Neah and for all the Rachel's of the world. So let's go and get as strong as we can be." She said with a smile, tugging on his arm tighter.

Cross wasn't sure what to make of this; he looked down at their connected arms and then back up to her. He wasn't really sure how to handle this type of situation, he'd never let anyone this close before.

Well, he might as well make the best of it, see where this road leads. It should prove interesting at the very least and who knows? He might have some fun along the way. He had told himself he was doing this because he was an exorcist, because it was his job, but maybe there were other motivations, maybe he could do this for her. He smiled back.

"Really now, what will the betting pool say?" He asked as they strolled out of the training area arm in arm. She raised an amused eyebrow.

"Are you kidding me? I bet five pounds last week that we would become the best of friends, with the way things are going, I'm gonna be rich." He looked at her incredulously.

"You didn't."

"I did, I thought I might lose that five pounds for a while  
but the tides are turning and things are looking up. Next time Neah comes, lunch is on me." She said with a wink.

Jesus Christ, what a girl. He began to laugh, laugh at the utter ridiculousness of the situation.

"You really are a bitch you know that." He said with a smile, giving her a light push.

"And you are a bastard, but between the two of us, I think we can be one real pain in the ass to the Millennium Earl." She swayed her hips and grinned cheekily.

Oh yeah, he could definitely get used to this.

"Come on children, this is a church! I'll have none of this disgraceful behavior in my Order! If you were my students you'd be scrubbing pans for a week!" A voice boomed behind them. Lizzy turned around and looked up with owlish confusion. It was so funny, Cross almost laughed.

General Fleming put his hands on his hips. "Well? Haven't you anything to say for yourselves?"

"What are you doing out of bed General?" Cross couldn't restrain the laugh this time and covered it with a bow. The look on the General's face was priceless.

"We're sorry for our conduct General, we'll be better next time." He said, pulling Lizzy away and down the next hallway. He couldn't keep the grin off of his face as they ran away from the perplexed man.

"But-" Lizzy started "But how? Master-Master said that he- pneumonia, there's no way-" He chuckled as he threw her a sideways grin, putting his hands behind his head.

"You're still fairly new to the Order Liz, let me tell you a little bit about how it works here and how sneaky Generals can be when it comes to their students' welfare."

* * *

_Dear Prudence, won't you come out to play?_

_Dear Prudence, greet the brand new day_

_The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you_

_Dear Prudence, won't you come out to play. ~ The Beatles_

* * *

Well, another chapter down. If anyone is still reading this, I hope you enjoyed part 2 of the 4 introductory chapters. Before I continue any further I'd like to make one comment, while Lizzy is indeed an OC, one who has absolutely no root in DGM, I'd like you to at least give her a chance. My opinion on OC's is that, if done well, they can just as real as any 'actual' character. She was originally supposed to be a background character, someone to serve as a balance between the other people, but she refused to be so mundane and evolved in her own right. One of the greatest compliments my beta paid me was by mentioning that, had she not read DGM, she would've believed Lizzy was actually a part of the series. So please (holds up hands) don't hate just because I made her up.

On a random side note, most of my people, from exorcists to random people, are based on classic novels/authors, comic books and movies so Lizzy is named after and based on Elizabeth Bennet from _Pride and Prejudice_. You can have fun guessing name origins if you're nerdy enough!

Thank you to April Marciano for being my first actual reviewer, I'm keeping my lips sealed as to plot points, you're just going to have to read! Until we meet again

_Dear Prudence_ (c) is the property of the Beatles


	3. The Watchtower

_Disclaimer: I do not own any part of D. Gray-man nor any of its characters. I can only close my eyes and quietly play dress up with said characters in my head and hope I'm not desecrating Hoshino Katsura's work too much._

For those of you who care, Author's Notes will be at the end of every chapter and any and all questions will be gleefully answer if asked.

* * *

_"There must be some kind of way out of here,"_

_Said the joker to the thief,_

_"There's too much confusion, I can't get no relief."_

* * *

"Alright Oliver, you're up. Now slowly aim at the target, there's no hurry my boy." General Devdas said, gently pushing the child forward. The General dearly loved all his young charges and they really were getting better… but Cross hadn't been far off when he'd once commented that most of them couldn't destroy an Akuma if it were a meter in front of them.

It took serious effort to keep his grin from turning into a grimace when Oliver's arrow missed the target by a good twelve centimeters and imbedded itself into the wall. As he gently patted the boy on the back and told him to practice more, he wondered if these kids failed on purpose just to test his patience. He looked to see who was next in line and he smiled in relief.

"Ok class, now pay close attention. Cross, would you please demonstrate to the class how to properly exterminate an Akuma." Genuine affection crept into his voice.

It had been two months since Cross and Lizzy had returned from their first Innocence mission and the results had been astounding to say the least. After that brief period of awkwardness, they had not only become virtually inseparable, but their Innocence synchronicity had skyrocketed, so much so that they were now regularly sent out together on missions.

The General would be extremely sad when they became full exorcists and would no longer require these basic training sessions. Their talent was the only thing keeping him from insanity during these exercises. Cross reluctantly pulled himself away from Lizzy as the two of them laughed over some private joke.

The younger girls, and even a few of the older ones, cast harsh glares in Lizzy's direction. Cross was admired by many young ladies and thus none were too pleased to see how close he had suddenly become with the teacher's pet.

Still chuckling at whatever Lizzy had said, Cross strolled up to his Master and cracked his knuckles. Before anyone could blink, he had whipped out Judgment, aimed, fired and destroyed the mock Akuma in less the time it had taken Oliver to pull back the string of his bow.

The girls cheered and clapped, hoping that Cross would grace them with a smile in their direction. And he did smile; he threw Lizzy a satisfied smirk as he made his way to the back of the line, giving her a high-five as he passed her.

The girls resumed their pouting and glaring, wondering what the hell Little Miss Perfect had done to make the aloof and stoic Cross like her so damn much. They were so preoccupied by these thoughts that they missed the target by a wide margin, or at least that's what they told themselves as went to the back of the line.

Many failures and one near impalement later, the General rubbed his temples and decided to call it a day. He should start telling them to aim at the wall, maybe then they'd hit the target. Cross and Lizzy immediately sought each other out, intending to head out to lunch together, much to the chagrin of his many female admirers.

Yes, he would miss his two favorite students, but he was so proud of them. He couldn't keep his little chickadees under his wing forever.

"Cross, Lizzy, a moment before you leave?" He called and smiled as their heads turned simultaneously, they really had no idea how adorable they were. They shrugged and made their way through the sea of clambering youngsters on their way to lunch. He smiled down at them, they had grown so much these last few months, they were wholly deserving of this honor.

"First of all, you two were excellent as always today. If the rest of the class had half your skills, we could take down the Earl for sure." Lizzy beamed, always a sucker for praise. Cross imitated her starry eyed look only to get an elbow in the gut.

"Anyway, I have some amazing news children. As you know, the exorcist graduation ceremony is in a few weeks in which skillful trainees are given their rose cross and made complete exorcists." They nodded slowly. "Well, having reviewed your talent and your impressive mission record, the powers that be have decided that the two of you will graduate early with this class and gain all the rights of an exorcist."

A moment of silence and then an explosion.

Lizzy clutched Cross's arm in excitement while Cross's normally passive face radiated happiness. The General laughed with delight as Cross suddenly grabbed Lizzy and spun her around as if dancing.

"Alright now, settle down you crazy kids. I am so proud of both of you, I'll be incredibly sad to lose you, but it is a great honor indeed." They stopped their little dance, but the bright smiles remained. He remembered a time when Cross wouldn't let someone within a meter of him and Lizzy wouldn't speak to anyone.

To see them struggle through their personal demons, to see them looking so damn happy, it made him feel that he was doing something right.

"Stop by the main office on your way to the cafeteria, the secretaries will give you all the information you need. Also I want you to train just a little extra, after you graduate, you'll be sent on a few solo missions. I want to make sure you're prepared to handle things by yourself." The General said, still smiling at their beaming faces.

They nodded, too caught up in their joy to even bother listening to him. But that was alright, it was indeed a time of celebration. Characteristic of the overly-affectionate General, he scooped them each in his arms and gave them a hug. He loved the feel of them in his arms, alive and well, you never knew in this profession when one of your trainees would up and die on you.

He held them tighter and then he let them go.

"Alright, alright now. You're late enough to lunch as it is, now run along before Miss Teresa runs out of food." General Devdas said, giving them one final squeeze. As soon as he released them, Cross took off running. He was halfway to the door when he shouted.

"Race you! Last one there has to clean the science department!" half a beat went by before Lizzy, never one to turn down a challenge, sped after him.

"Hey you-! Wait up, bye Master, we'll see you later!" and they were gone. The General let loose a loud laugh which echoed through the large room. He had forgotten the wonderful feeling of having a pretty girl chase after you, perhaps one day Marian would see that as well.

But they were still young; they still had time to come to grips with whatever they were feeling. Now that they were going to be exorcists, he could no longer shield them from the devastation the war had wrought. They would need each other more than ever to combat the evil that existed outside and even within these walls.

But they were special, they had each other and he had a feeling that would be more than enough.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Lizzy caught up to Cross pretty fast and they were neck and neck until Cross swerved to avoid a hapless finder and ended up crashing into a wall. Shaking the stars from his head, Lizzy declared victory by default. They laughed as Cross shook away his daze and continued walking down the hallways toward Cross's room and away from the cafeteria.

They were going out for lunch today.

It was Lizzy's turn to pick and she couldn't decide if she wanted Italian or Mexican, although it was nice this time of year down in Mexico. Opening the door, they found Neah sitting on Cross's bed, flipping through one of Cross's old technical manuals. He looked up and rolled his eyes.

"You guys get lost or something?"

**DGMDGMDGM**

Cross officially loved Noah's Ark. While he was an exorcist, he could never completely expunge his science section origins from his blood. He was always pelting Neah with technical questions that Neah could never understand, much less answer. God what he would give to have full access to Order equipment to fully study the mechanics of the Ark. But alas, a price of the secrecy of their friendship ensured that neither the Order nor its equipment would ever see or know of the Ark.

Revealing the news of their early graduation, they went down to Mexico for a little fiesta to celebrate.

Neah tried to persuade his friends to have a drink to celebrate their victory. Cross snorted and rolled his eyes, he wouldn't let anything ruin his perfect aim. Lizzy, voicing similar reasons in a more polite fashion, also declined. All in all, it had been a gorgeous day and each of the boys bought Lizzy a rose. She tucked Cross's red rose behind her ear and put Neah's white rose in her chest pocket.

"You're gonna have another rose there soon enough" Cross said, giving her an affectionate nudge. She smiled and nudged him back, just enjoying the pleasure of their company. They sat like that for a while until a band started up and Lizzy never was one to sit out on a dance.

Stumbling out the cantina a little while later, an arm linked around each of the boys, they headed to the outskirts of town where Neah would open a gate and that would take them home. Lizzy sighed with pleasure at the presence of the two young men who had come to mean everything to her. She'd never realized how lonely she had been before until she started spending all her time with Cross and Neah.

They had all become so close and life without them by her side seemed near impossible. What she loved and hated most about them was how they each separately represented something she needed.

Neah was sweet and loving. He was her clown and was always telling her silly stories and whispering sweet words in her ear. He was the one who played with her hair and never failed to tell how beautiful she was. She went to Neah when she needed comfort, affection and a moral compass.

Cross on the other hand was her rock. He motivated her to do better and kept her standing when things got tough. Instead of sweet rhymes, he whispered encouragements and dirty jokes in her ear. He would be the one to pat her on the back and tell her what a damn good exorcist she was.

She wondered what she would do if she ever had to choose between them.

She pushed her thoughts to the back of her head and instead breathed in the musky Mexican air, enjoying the late afternoon sun radiating off her skin. It never got this sunny back home in England. She slowly gazed over the sprawling landscape and her two men discussing something about the Ark.

Life, she decided, was good.

She heard the Ark magically appear in front of them, a feat which never failed to amaze even after all this time. Neah bowed and motioned for her to enter first; Cross raised an eyebrow at Neah's behavior and gave Lizzy a little push to signal her to go.

She smiled to herself; both of her boys were so different and lovable in their own way.

As she slowly made her way through the gateway onto Noah's Ark, she thought to herself that she didn't need to choose between them; not yet at least. Things were fine as they were right now and she wasn't going to destroy her perfect landscape just yet.

Neah stretched as he entered the Ark, glad to be out of the blistering sun. As they walked down the passageway, he watched Lizzy's hips sway lightly as she ran her long fingers along the Ark's white walls.

The Lord was feeling generous the day he gave pitiful, undeserving men Elizabeth Logan. He wasn't sure where that train of thought was headed, so he was almost relived when Cross derailed this line of thinking… almost.

"So, what do you think we're going to do?" Cross asked in a soft, somber voice. Neah looked at him curiously silently asking for clarification.

"I mean, all this hanging out is great, but I mean what about the Earl? I mean, are we really going to go through with this?" they trailed a good four meters behind Lizzy, who was busy admiring the scenery, but Neah felt the need to whisper anyway.

"I don't really know, I mean, aren't we doing something now by collecting the Innocence?" he asked, shifting a little bit as he adjusted his shirt.

Their plan to destroy The Earl had become something like the elephant in the room. It was generally acknowledged by all, but they hadn't spoken of it out loud since their time in Derry. Neah had kind of hoped they would just be satisfied with playing keep away with the Innocence; they'd already recused five pieces from the Earl.

Wasn't that making a difference? Neah sighed. He still hated the Earl, but he was also terrified of him. Any real moves against him would mean immediate death. Not only that, but he was reluctant not only to bring about his own demise, but the demise of the only friends he'd ever known. His eye once again wandering to Lizzy's regal, yet unpretentious, gait. Cross caught his gaze and immediately understood.

"I won't let her die Neah, I can promise you that. No matter what happens, I will not let her become another victim of this war." The protectiveness in Cross's voice alerted Neah for the first time that Cross might also be harboring feelings for their lovely companion.

He didn't get any time to decide how he felt about this, when the object of their attentions froze. The boys also stopped and silently queried her sudden stop when in a small shaky voice she asked.

"Neah, I hear footsteps ahead, is there anyone else who can get in here?" His heart sank into his stomach. Oh not, not now, not while his friends were here.

Reacting quickly he opened the nearest door and pushed Cross in. Lizzy joined him a moment later. He didn't have time to see where the door led, but anywhere, even an active volcano, was safer than here.

"Alright stay here and stay quiet, leave the tiniest crack open so the connection isn't lost. Get as far away from the door as possible. Don't move, don't breathe, if possible stop your heart because you will be dead if you are found, got it?" without waiting for an answer he shut the door while leaving a small sliver open.

Unless a specific gate was called, many unused doors continually changed locations. If the door was closed, he could lose Lizzy and Cross somewhere in the world and never be able to find them again. But again, that was much more preferable to dismemberment.

Taking a deep breath he ran a hand through his hair and proceeded to amble along casually, pretending to be deep in thought. For added measure he mumbled nonsense under his breath, appearing to all the world an absentminded musician. As the footsteps got heart-stoppingly close he looked up as if snapping out of a daydream and smiled in a hopefully convincing way.

"My Lord-" he said, ignoring the burning sensation in his left palm that always seemed to arise when in the presence of anything related to the Earl. "I didn't see you there."

He hoped to God he could pull this off.

The Earl looked at him with his perpetual grin as he lazily swung Lero. His sibling, Rhode, ran out from behind him and threw herself at his waist.

"Neah! So there you are! We've been looking for you." She looked up with her childish golden eyes. The Earl liked seeing his apostles in their Noah form, describing their human faces only as masks to maneuver through the human world.

Neah got away with it most of the time saying that his Noah form wore him out easily, which was actually true. He was never really sure what happened, but Rachel's Innocence did something to his Inner Noah. He smiled down at the one Noah he actually liked.

"Sorry, didn't mean to worry anyone. Just got a little cramped and decided to take a little stroll. Hope you didn't send out a big search party." The last thing he needed was more Noah wandering around opening doors. The young teen smiled brightly in what he was sure was once a beautiful smile.

"Nah, just me and the Earl. The others are all busy, so I came looking for you. I ran into him on the way and he volunteered to help me find you." Neah turned his jovial gaze from Rhode to reluctantly look up at his Lord. Neah considered himself pretty good at reading people, but he hated how he could never read the Earl past his enormous grin.

"Yes, we were all very worried about you Neah pet, we wouldn't want anything to happen to you. Isn't that right Rhode?" Neah kept smiling as he felt a cold sweat bead on his forehead at the look the Earl was giving him. Rhode sat oblivious between them, nodding cheerily.

The Earl had become a bit suspicious of Neah after that first mission. There was nothing to implicate Neah, but the number of uncollected Innocence was rising and the correlation surely had not escaped the Earl's notice. He hadn't even gone on a proper mission since that first disastrous one.

Neah absolutely did not like to hurt people, it wasn't like it was a secret or anything and that alone made him an object of scorn, but it also made him very suspicious. Had Neah been anyone else, the Earl would have ignored his weakness and thrown him back into the field to toughen him up. But the Earl was especially fond of Neah and decided to let his Inner Noah emerge at a more gradual pace.

Neah loved the breathing room this gave him, but also gave him cause to worry. The appraising glances the Earl would sometimes give him made him wonder what the man really had in mind for him, especially now that Neah had switched sides.

"Tell me Neah; were you with someone just now? I thought I heard voices." Stay calm, stay natural, don't smile too widely, don't-

"Oh no, I was just muttering some lyrics to myself. I'm writing a new song and I guess I just lost track of where I was." He let out a short laugh, ignoring the tension hovering heavily in the air. Rhode's eyes sparkled with unconcerned glee.

"Oh! Another song? Is it done? I want to hear it! What is it? A ballad, a love song?" Neah smiled with real fondness at Rhode. Of all the Noah, she was the sweetest and the one he held out the most hope for. He hoped one day he could strip her of the Earl's brainwashing and bring her over to the side of virtue. It really broke his heart to see how sadistic she became with each passing day.

"Actually, it's a lullaby." He smirked when he saw the starry eyed look in her eyes as she cooed at the thought. One of these days, he would get her out of here.

He promised, one way or another, he would save her soul.

"A lullaby eh? Anyone special in mind Neah pet?" The same sharp twisting sensation returned as the Earl's light, yet menacing, tone pierced his skin. He could only imagine how scared Cross and Lizzy were sitting in some strange land, hoping the Earl didn't notice them.

Better end this delightful conversation quickly.

"Nah, just playing around. Just something I thought of one day out of the blue. Hey, I'm still mulling over this damn song. Do you mind if I rest in my room for a bit before dinner." The easy smile was back in full force as he turned on all his charms.

The Earl stared at him for a few tense seconds before he put a light hand on his shoulder; a comforting one, not an 'oh shit are you in trouble'. Neah sighed internally, feeling that the time of scrutiny had passed, for now at least.

He wasn't sure how much longer his poor heart could handle this charade.

"Yes, please do son. You look a bit pale, dinner is at six as always, so try not to be late." He said, Neah smiled back trying to look adorable and indifferent at the same time. It was nice to be the favorite child; his life would be a heluva lot harder if the Earl didn't trust and indulgence him so much. For the first time since the Earl showed up, Neah felt his shoulders relax a bit.

He had somehow managed to bullshit the Millennium Earl; he felt he deserved a medal or something.

"Can I come to Neah? You know I love to watch you work." Neah froze.

"Now, now Rhode, let your brother have his peace. Let us know when you're finished it Neah, you know how much we all love to hear you play." The Earl said, stepping in to save Neah from some desperate excuse. Rhode pouted, but nodded obediently.

"Alright son, well take it easy and remember, six o' clock and not a moment later. We're having the whole family there so don't skip please. Come on Rhode, your other siblings should be arriving soon." With that said he and Rhode turned and slowly made their way to the Edo entrance of the Ark.

Couldn't they move any faster? When they finally disappeared through the door, his cheery smile melted and he leaned heavily against the wall. Neah took several deep breaths to calm his racing heart.

Too close, way too close. Note to self, make sure to coordinate the trips to the Ark better.

"Alright guys, it's ok, you can come out now. They're gone. Sorry about that, they usually don't come in here." He said, expecting Cross and Lizzy to pop out of the door and join him in his panicked relief. After a few seconds, he looked up. They should have heard him, so why weren't they coming out?

Hell, he'd even put up with Cross yelling at him for his poor planning if just so he could hear and see him. Stepping away from the wall, Neah made his way over to the door where he had stashed his friends. Here he opened wide the door, darkness there and nothing more. "Guys?"

Neah's mouth went dry as he stared into emptiness. Alright, now was a good time to panic. Shit, he was so worried about the Earl that it was entirely possible that he could have sent them into some dangerous place. He surveyed the blackness, shit, he couldn't see a thing.

They could be anywhere.

Well there was only way to find out where it was that he sent them. Squaring his shoulders, Neah stepped through the door and into the darkness. He looked around, it was dark and damp in here. From what he could tell, the floor and walls were made of concrete. He ran a hand on the wall, moisture was present. What the hell was this place? A goddamned prison? Neah frowned, not ruling out the option.

"Cross, Lizzy. Can you hear me? Are you here?" he whispered. Who knew where the hell he was, he wasn't going to barge in shouting and screaming and risk being killed. He took enough risks just going back to Edo, he didn't need to add anymore unnecessary danger to his life. Neah stumbled into something, banging his head. Cursing under his breath, he wondered bitterly who the hell would keep stuff in a dark dank place like this.

Then it hit him, he was in somebody's basement.

Now he was really worried. Lizzy and Cross probably wouldn't have left this place of their own will, they were probably taken. He pursed his lips; nobody takes his friends. He might not be the world's most physical guy, but goddammit he was still a Noah.

Rounding a corner suddenly, there was light. Neah shielded his eyes from the unexpected, a door, he had come across an open door.

Where it leads, he could only imagine.

This could be a trap; no actually this was very likely a trap. But these were the first real friends he'd had, so he wasn't going to give them up just yet. He slowly turned the corner, not sure what awaited him. Poking his head cautiously out the door, his jaw dropped and he had to pull himself back into the darkness so not to draw attention with his laughing.

Exorcists, here he was worried he'd dropped his best friends into headhunter country when he'd really put them in a fucking exorcist's haven.

It wasn't European Headquarters, but it was some Black Order base somewhere in the world. Never in his life had he been so happy to see the black coat and rose cross before. Lizzy and Cross were probably wandering around somewhere, waiting for him to take them back to their own base.

Stifling the last of his maniacal laughter, he stepped into the light and began walking around like he owned the place. He probably stuck out like a sore thumb, being one of the few people in civilian clothes. He made sure not to make eye contact and just kept walking.

It was only a matter of time before some bold person decided to ask who he was and what he was doing here. Neah repressed the growing smile on my face; he had to be the first Noah in history to walk straight into the heart of an exorcist's base.

Boy would the Earl love to hear all about this, this was goldmine of information.

… Not that he would ever tell or anything.

Now if he were two lost exorcists in an exorcist base, where would he go? Of course there were no signs around; Cross had one time mentioned off hand that this was in case there was an attack on Headquarters outsiders wouldn't know where to go. So that led to the question of how the exorcists got around, to which Cross replied that you either memorized the floor plan or got lost.

Sometimes the Order could be just as cruel as the Earl.

Neah sighed miserably to himself. He always got hopelessly lost; his sense of direction was beyond skewed. He'd never find them.

Neah perked up as he heard a commotion coming from one of the long, bleak hallways. He chose that path partially because he was getting worried he'd get questioned soon and partially because it was as good a choice as any. As he neared the end, he noticed the lights getting dimmer and dimmer.

Neah did not feel good about this.

He was about to turn around when in the faint light, he saw a room at the end. In it, he could just barely make out red, bright red. He grinned, that was the nice thing about Cross, you never lost him in a crowd. He ran forward toward the shadows of his friends when a large shape descended over him.

It had to be twice his height and three times his weight. Neah whimpered, a bear, it had to be a bear. Holy shit he was going to be mauled by a bear, of all the ways to go. The bear then did a most curious thing, instead of spilling his guts with its massive claws; it grabbed him in a chokehold.

Since when did bears have opposable thumbs, or wear silver bracelets for that matter?

"You are not authorized to be in this area, sweetie." He was then half-dragged into the room and set in a not very comfortable chair. He rubbed his neck, noting how even without the use of his Noah abilities, there hadn't been much damage. He was pretty much unscathed except for his pounding heart. He looked around and noticed Lizzy and Cross sitting next to him. He smiled, oh thank God. Lizzy's sweet, brown eyes lit up as he looked over at her.

"Neah, are you alright?" She asked, gently cupping his face with her small, gentle hands. It took him a few moments to find his voice, the proximity of her touch momentarily overwhelming him.

"Where are we?" He asked, taking note of the rather grim and dank décor, it was pretty scary, even for the Black Order. In the dim light, another figure stepped forward.

"The North American Branch, but that's not the real question here. What I want to know is how you snuck into this base and how you were able to get past the Branch Guardian, me." The bear, which had so terrified Neah not a few moments before, turned out to just be a woman, a very large woman. She was a tall and well-built and who could not hide her rather ample assets under her exorcist uniform. Neah tried and failed not to stare, what the hell did they feed them here in America?

"Um I'm uh sorry, I don't know-" he began; Lizzy dropped her hands from his face and instead settled them in her lap as the frightening lady turned on an overheard light, temporarily blinding them.

She had coal black hair cropped short, shorter than his hair, with dark emerald eyes peeking behind fluttering bangs. She appeared a few years older than him, perhaps in her early twenties. Now Neah himself wasn't exactly a small boy, but this woman still managed to tower over him.

He felt very intimidated at the moment.

"I was questioning how these two kids from European Headquarters managed to get into our storehouse when you stumbled in here." She said jabbing a well-manicured finger into his chest, a jab Neah swore to God would bruise.

"My name is Maria de Monaco and I act as the Guardian here at the North American Branch. And I, for one, am quite curious to know how two European exorcists and one bum tainted my perfect record by sneaking in." She crossed her arms in frustration.

Neah let his gaze wander around the room; he could make out several sharp and dangerous objects hanging from the walls that he had no desire to become acquainted with. She read his nervous countenance and looked down at him with a touch less severity.

"Don't you worry; you aren't going to be harmed. Those rose crosses on your friends saw to that. They vouched for you, now all I want to know is how you got in and then you kids can be on your way." The three children shared a look with one another, they weren't anxious to alert Headquarters of their curious movements. Cross and Lizzy would get into serious trouble if their Master or anyone else learned they ended up in America, not to mention how they would explain it.

"I won't tell anyone if that's what concerning you." They looked up and the woman sighed.

"Look, you kids may not understand, but I take great pride in my work as this Branch's Guardian. If a couple of drifting teenagers can get past me, then what else could get in? I would be devastated if something happened to anyone here. I'm not trying to be mean or scare you, but I just really want to know how you got in so I can better protect these people." Cross and Lizzy exchanged glances, they understood. They knew well the pain of losing someone you've sworn to protect.

But they couldn't tell her, couldn't reassure her because one day an Akuma, or worse a Noah, could come through the same way they did. Also, say they did tell her, she would be a fool not to report the two conspiring exorcists working with one of the Earl's men.

No matter what they said, all three of them would be hanged as traitors. No, they couldn't tell her. It may get them ex-communicated, but they would escape with their lives, and that was good enough. Cross looked at her straight in the eye.-

"I'm very sorry lady, but we can't tell you. I understand what you're saying and we feel the same way too. It's unlikely that anyone will come in the way we did. I can't say any more than that and you'll just have to take my word for it." Maria looked at the three children, a look of sadness in her eyes.

"You look like good kids, so why would you get involved in something illegal?" she smiled slightly at their stiffened shoulders. "Please, it's written all over your face. But it must be bad enough that you fear not only for your lives, but for your friends' lives." She sighed heavily and ran a hand through her short hair.

"Are you sure no one else can come the way you did?" she asked, sternly glaring at them. Cross and Lizzy turned to Neah who returned Maria's serious stare.

"There is a very small chance. But if you're correct in your information that no one has gotten past your security, then you will have no trouble dispatching any enemies that do manage to get in." Neah replied quietly, the woman stared him down for a moment before turning to look at the wall, an expression of reluctant defeat on her face.

"All right, if you really think so then I won't push. Just answer me one question. Is it worth it? All this secrecy, deceit and the possibility of death? Are whatever rules you're breaking worth the risk?" Neah stood up and slowly took Lizzy's hand which she accepted gratefully.

He hadn't really gotten a chance to look at them after the whole thing with the Earl. Jesus he was just so thankful they were okay. What they were doing was stupid and suicidal; the incident today could have gone wrong in a million different ways, so why did they do it?

"Yes, we're doing it for the same reason you are, to try and save as many lives as possible. We're not doing this for thrills or anything stupid like that. We know this is dangerous and it might get us killed, but if we could help just one person, then it would all be worth it." The girl, Maria, smiled sweetly and Neah realized that without her glare, she was quite pretty.

"Well I suppose that's as good an answer as I'm going to get. Alright, I'll escort you upstairs and you can be on your way. I'll push you outside and not ask how you're going to get back to European Headquarters; you can find your own way back." She said, stomping authoritatively out of the room like a small child pretending to be all grown up. The kids shrugged their shoulders and cautiously followed the eccentric exorcist.

Lizzy and Cross, meanwhile, were both puzzled by this girl. They discreetly eyed her up and down, but they still could not find any trace of a weapon on her. Even through her jacket, the well-trained eyes of an exorcist should be able to spot a holster or something.

"Searching for my Innocence are we?" The kids jumped, she slowly turned and grinned manically at them. "Would you like to see it?" The gleam in her eye was too frightening to be ignored and the kids decided eccentric was too lenient a description, crazy fit this girl better. Before another word was spoken, a loud crash resounded through the concrete building and an alarm sounded somewhere.

"_Attention all exorcists. There has been a large pack of Akuma spotted just off the North pillar, they are armed and attacking. All non-combatants please seek shelter in the lower levels. All active exorcists make their way to the roof, I repeat-"_ But Maria had already taken off. They didn't hesitate in following her, though even they were pressed to keep up with the older woman.

"Follow the non-combatants into the lower levels and wait until the coast is clear. You can leave for Headquarters after this is over." They reached the end of the hallway and instead of branching off, they stayed right on her trail.

"It asked for all active exorcists, just show us the way and we'll help in any way we can." Cross said, drawing Judgment from his holster as Lizzy did the same with her pistols. Maria said nothing and led them up a long winding staircase up to the small roof.

There were already a few exorcists up there, but not nearly enough to combat the amount of Akuma coming. Neah swallowed, he knew the Earl was fond of randomly attacking exorcists, but seriously, right before dinner? Without hesitating, Cross and Lizzy leaped up the wall and began firing, taking down one after another.

Neah felt a spark of needless jealousy go through him. He was Lizzy's friend just as Cross was, but why was she always so clingy to _him_. It was always like this, whenever something happened, she was right by Cross's side. Neah wanted to be supportive too; he wanted her to rely on him a little as well.

Unless she liked Cross as more than a friend… The building jolted as more attacks came.

He shook his head of such frivolous thoughts and joined his friends at the wall. He noticed the Akuma stop and aim their guns at one of the pillars next to the base, if they brought it down, all the exorcists on the roof and in the levels below would be crushed. Neah could stop the Akuma; use his influence to keep them in place before they could fire.

Before he could give the order however, a song hit his ears. It was beautiful, a hymnal, something straight out of an Italian opera. He turned to see the beautiful song originating from Maria. His eyes widened as a glossy shield encompassed the whole of the roof and the exorcists and he was once again awestruck by the power of Innocence.

"Get away from the edges, Magdala Curtain gets weaker the more area it covers" A random exorcist shouted to the kids. Obeying, they edged in towards the middle as the shield tightened and became opaque. "The enemy can't see us; we're completely gone from their view." But Neah stopped listening, his heart pounded loudly in his head.

He'd thought it was strange that the Earl would order an attack just before his precious Friday night dinner, but his siblings had no qualms about such actions. Through the shield, Neah's incredible eyesight could discern a figure amid the Akuma. Sitting discreetly on top of one of the larger Akuma in the back where no exorcist could see was Denis Allender, the Noah of Pleasure.

Even from the roof, Neah could see the elegant smirk Denis wore. His wispy sand colored hair danced lightly from all the explosions and the light brought out the depths of his golden eyes.

While Denis wasn't as openly violent as some of the other Noah, he was completely unsympathetic to any form of life. He was haughty and arrogant bastard who spent all his free time in France drinking wine and wooing young ladies. Transporting him there and back, Neah was often subject to Denis's unconcerned abuse.

Neah unconsciously stepped back. If Denis were to see him here, with the exorcists, he would be dead before Neah could lick the Earl's shoes. Denis would see fit to destroy the traitor and his friends on the spot so not to sully the Earl's gloves.

"Neah, are you ok?" He looked over to see Lizzy and Cross hovering over him. He now felt his back against the slick wall of the base and next to Maria, who continued to sing away the random Akuma attacks. He took a deep breath and thought of how to explain the amount of the shit they were in.

"A Noah is here, my elder sibling, Denis. He's sitting on one of the Akuma in the back. He's-he's real bad news, he seems passive right now, but things will get bad fast if he decides to fight." The look of dawning horror on their faces probably matched his own.

"A Noah, here, now? Is he alone or is…?" Cross trailed off, his bright hair stood out more so than usual against his pale face. An Akuma exploded in the background drowning out anything else Cross had to say. Neah held up an arm to block out the dust.

"No it's just him, the Earl lets the Noah have free reign over any and all Akuma. Sometimes they like to take big caravans like this and go wreak some havoc, you know, just for the hell of it." He looked over at the Akuma again. "I don't think he'll be here for long though. Friday night dinner will be soon and there will be hell to pay if he's late. Besides, the Noah are supposed to be secret, Denis wouldn't risk exposure over something so trivial."

He neglected to mention that Denis was fond of revealing himself openly to exorcists just before he killed them. However that little piece of information would not improve their situation in the slightest.

"So what should we do?" Lizzy asked, her hand finding Cross's.

"I was going to order the Akuma to stop, but with Denis there, it would immediately alert him to another Noah's presence. I'd say the best option is to wait out this attack then kill as many Akuma as possible. He'll have to leave eventually to make it to Edo in time. I hate to say it, but I need to sit this one out. If I'm seen, not only will I be killed, but everyone else in this base will be as well." As Neah spoke, he realized something important.

The Noah had the ability to communicate with one another via the Ark. If they were in the United States now, there would be no way for Denis to make it back to Japan by conventional means. He probably rode from Edo to here sacking as many towns as he could in between.

When he was ready to leave, Denis would call him and get a ride on the Ark.

And to do that he needed Neah.

So not only did Neah have to sit this one out, he needed to head back to Edo right now so that when Denis did call for a ride, Neah would be there to pick him up.

He leaned over to tell this to Cross and Lizzy when a shattering sound deafened them. The shield which had protected them up to this point was barely standing and had many holes in it. He looked over at Maria in concern. She looked exhausted beyond belief. She leaned on her knees and he was frightened to see blood spill freely from her mouth. She looked up and stared at him in the eye.

"I'm too tired to protect the whole base anymore. I can, however, give all of you cover to escape down the staircase. I'll tighten the radius of the shield to protect you, once you get down there, evacuate this quadrant of the base." She said in a raspy worn out voice. He was appalled.

She was going to leave herself exposed so the rest of the exorcists would have a strong enough shield to escape, he clenched his fists. Too many people have died at the hands of his family; he would not let this amazing, selfless girl be another.

To hell with it, he was going to protect her.

"I'll stay here and guard you. You keep up the shield as long as possible. Don't ask why, but I know for a fact that the Akuma aren't going to stay long, until then, I'll protect you." She glared at him, about to protest when the shield splintered further, allowing Akuma bullets to rain in.

The other exorcists took cover behind the wall as a cloud of dust hovered in the air from the bullets impacting the old building and Maria was right in the middle of it.

Neah wrapped his arms around her and took the full force of the bullets into his back. He hissed in pain, being a Noah, the virus didn't affect him in the least, but that didn't mean he was immune to the pain. It was alright though; he could already feel his skin beginning healing over. Maria cried out in fear.

"What are doing? You're going to get yourself killed! I need to protect you, I'm a-" She panicked and squirmed in his grasp, but he only held her tighter.

"It's ok; I'm a lot tougher than my good looks let on. Just sit there and wait for it to be over." He said in a surprisingly calm voice.

The background noise of hailing bullets and screaming exorcists faded as he focused diligently. If he could pull this off, he could stop the fighting without bloodshed. The thick dust concealed his presence for now, but once it settled, Denis would see him protecting an exorcist clear as day.

Pushing that undesirable thought aside, he concentrated on his Inner Noah. He summoned the Ark, but not in front of him. In his mind's eye, he opened a gate in the back row of Akuma, next to Denis.

'_Denis, it's almost time for dinner. The Earl will be upset if you're late.' _He said, projecting his voice through the white gate. He heard Denis reply in some strange part of his head

'_Ah, Neah. How kind of you to be concerned, but everything is alright. Please tell Maître (1) Earl that I will be there shortly after I have killed a few more exorcists.' _Neah's physical body frowned, that heartless bastard. But now Neah was in a tight spot. The Earl would call his bluff if he outright ordered Denis to stop, but people would die if this continued any longer. He was saved from a decision when the Akuma quivered and the Earl's voice echoed through their heads_. _

'_Alright my darling Noah, please come down to dinner now. Denis, since you're going to be passing through the Ark, grab Neah pet from his room. If you're not here in five minutes there will trouble.' _

Shit, out of the frying pan and into the fire.

The Akuma stopped their attacks and Denis stood up to enter the Ark's open gate. Neah quickly severed his connection with Denis. He could only imagine Denis's reaction to such insubordination, but he'd worry about that later, he just needed to leave and leave now.

Returning to his physical body he pulled back from Maria. The other exorcists, save for Cross and Lizzy, had abandoned the roof once the shields fell.

They were all alone up here.

He pushed Maria out of the way and stepped back. He had to hurry, he had no time to come up with excuses or explain. He'd apologize to them later, but for now, he was late for dinner.

"So sorry, got to go, explain to her please. I'll catch up later bye." With that said, he summoned a gate on the ground below him and only had time to see Maria's eyes widen as he sank below and reappeared in his room on the Ark. Quickly reorienting himself, he changed from his dirty Akuma damaged shirt to a nice dinner shirt. He ran a hand through his impossibly messy hair and opened Denis's gate again. The older Noah stepped through looking very displeased.

"What the hell? Why did you cut me off after the Earl called?" Neah winced in pain as he was hit upside the head, hadn't he been beaten up enough today?

"Calm down Denis, I was doing something and I lost the connection for a second." He said, rubbing his actually aching head. "In case you haven't noticed America is a long way from Japan, it takes a lot of work to keep it up for so long. By the way, that was a nice job you did on that building, though you cut it a little close to dinner don't you think?" The first thing he learned here in Edo was the best way to appeal to any of the Noah was through their ego. Denis huffed blowing a stray strand of golden hair.

What an absolute asshole.

"It's nice to see you notice, I'd invite you along, but I know your weak stomach couldn't handle it." That said, he shoving Neah harshly. "Now shoo, we are expected. I will not let your idiocy make me late."

Neah trailed behind Denis so he would not notice his sigh of relief. His friends were safe and no one seemed to suspect him of treachery. The only problem now was Maria, there was no escaping that. He groaned silently, just another problem to deal with in the morning…

"-hey idiot, I am talking to you." Neah turned to look up at his sibling who as they neared the doors that would lead them into the dining room. Neah blinked, had they really made it all the way back here?

"Huh?" He questioned articulately, had Denis been talking this whole time?

"You are hopeless I swear. I was asking how you knew I was attacking those exorcists in America. How did you find me?"

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. Neah smiled like a good, little brownnoser.

"I heard you were out and I wanted to see what you were up to. It gets boring here on the Ark sometimes you know?" He said, putting his arms behind his head casually. If he could stroke Denis's pride, maybe the son of a bitch would keep quiet. Denis smiled a dirty, little smile and slung an arm around Neah as they arrived at dark cheery wood doors where the Earl and his monsters were waiting inside for them.

"Ah Neah pet, you've excellent taste. You know, I have always liked you. The other Noah, they don't really care for you, but I say to them, 'Neah is such a sweet boy, please don't be too harsh on him.'" Neah resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

Yeah, could he get _that_ in writing?

"I'll tell you what _petit frère_ (2), I will help you out. I will take you under my wing and teach you the sophisticated and glorious art of death. Do not fret, we shall make a Noah out of you yet and make the Earl proud." Neah felt uncomfortable from the malicious aura emanating from his so called brother. Neah fought down a grimace, this would surely not end well. They entered the dining room where the others were also beginning to assemble around the table. The Earl smiled at them.

"Well, well, it's good to see the two of you getting along so well. Come sit down my Noah, we have much to discuss." Neah forced a nervous smile onto his face as he his skin darkened. He could usually get away with his normal skin walking around the Ark, but dinner was sacred to the Earl and there was no need to draw any unnecessary suspicion onto him.

He was traitorous, not suicidal.

Denis ruffled his hair on his way to his seat. The Earl looked at Neah and patted the seat next to himself. Why did feel like he had just entered the lion's den? Against his better judgment, Neah sat down.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Neah stumbled back to his room hours later, so tired that he that he had to lean against the wall just to keep himself upright. Since he picked up Lizzy and Cross at Headquarters, he'd been moving, dancing, fighting and bullshitting non-stop. He just wanted to go to bed and sleep for the next year or so.

Oh, but Lizzy and Cross were still in- he yawned. Ah fuck it, they had beds in the United States too, they'd survive there until morning. Staggering into his room, Neah rubbed his eyes and just hoped he had enough energy to make it into his bed.

"I know you have not been faithful," Neah snapped awake. Sitting on his bed with her dark golden eyes was Analyse Himmler, the Noah of Lust.

From the first moment he met her, Neah had made a promise to stay far, far away from the scary German girl with the wavy black hair. "I can sense the Innocence on you, you are… unclean," she said wrinkling her nose in disgust. She stood up and slowly made her way over to his tense, unmoving form.

"Do not worry; the Earl doesn't know that you've been associating with exorcists… not yet anyway." She stood right in front of him, putting her thin, pale finger up to his face.

"Because you are one of us, I will give you the benefit of the doubt and believe that you are spying on them for the benefit of our family. However, if when the time comes I am still uncertain of your loyalties, the Earl will be the least of your worries." Her cold finger slowly traced his jawline in a possessive manner and she leaned in close to whisper sweetly in his ear.

He closed his eyes and took a shuddering breath. When he opened his eyes a second later, she was gone. He turned around to see her standing in his doorway.

"Oh and Neah, you look tired, you should really rest more. The Earl has big plans for you, you will not disappoint him." With that she turned and faded into the dark as if she'd been nothing more than a fading dream. Or a nightmare seems more appropriate. He flopped onto the bed and lay there for a very, very long time.

He suddenly didn't feel like closing his eyes anymore.

* * *

_All along the watchtower_

_Princes kept the view_

_While all the women came and went_

_Barefoot servants, too. ~Bob Dylan (Jimi Hendrix)_

* * *

Okay, here's the introduction of my third exorcist, Maria! I finish up the rest of Maria's intro and personality in the next chapter. Is it terrible that I really love the Maria I created? The idea of Maria being vibrant, caring and full of life really appealed to me since she's well, dead in the manga. Also the first glimpses of the previous Noah clan. My Noah are mirrors and, in a way, the catalysts for the modern Noah. As with Lizzy, they all evolved into themselves and I'm overall pleased with how their personalities took shape. Not much else to say here except Denis occasionally speaks French, I'll be providing translations here.

Also, for those who care, I have pictures of the characters up on my profile. I always like pictures for fanfics to help me visualize characters so, I decided to do it myself.

(1) Maitre- Lord/Master (I really liked how it sounded so he uses it occasionally)

(2) Petite Frere- Little Brother

_All Along the Watchtower_ (c) is owned by Bob Dylan, covered famously by Jimi Hendrix


	4. With a Little Help

_Disclaimer: I do not own any part of D. Gray-man_ _nor any of its characters. I can only close my eyes and quietly play dress up with said characters in my head and hope I'm not desecrating Hoshino Katsura's work too much._

For those of you who care, Author's Notes will be at the end of every chapter and any and all questions will be gleefully answer if asked.

* * *

_What would you think if I sang out of tune,_

_Would you stand up and walk out on me._

_Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song,_

_And I'll try not to sing out of key._

* * *

"Noah? Like the man from the Old Testament?" Maria queried, tilting her head, trying to see if these kids were pulling her leg. Although she did see the one take direct Akuma hits and disappear into the floor, so she really should try and be a little more open minded. After the kid, Neah she believes it was, left yesterday, the other two exorcists did their best to explain what the hell had happened.

Although they really did a crappy job because their story was filled with lots of 'I don't knows' or 'Neah can explain better'. She eyed this boy, this Neah, and frowned; as if life wasn't weird enough already. So between hearty yawns, he fully explained the odd, strange and downright bizarre story of his life.

She shouldn't believe it, it was crazy and anyone who believed it was crazy.

She sighed as she rubbed her head; she must be going crazy then. Neah even had the nerve to smirk at her as he told her about something he called Noah's Ark and explained exactly how they had been able to bypass her security. He was cheeky brat, she decided, but an honest one.

Finally, the three of them explained their plans to overthrow the Earl. As she listened to them, she had no idea what to think.

Well that's not quite right, she knew exactly what to think.

What these kids were doing, what they were attempting to do, was stupid and dangerous.

She should tell Central, she should turn them in, if only for the sake of saving their lives. And this Noah kid, working for the Earl, she should-should- but dammit how could she arrest such a sweet kid? These crazy, stupid kids, barely more than little babies, wanted to take down the Millennium Earl. She rubbed her temples at their shy, innocent smiles; they had absolutely no idea what they were getting into.

There was a reason this war had gone on as long as it had.

But as she listened more, the idea began to sound less crazy. Maybe with all the inside information they got from Neah, they just might be able to make an impact. She wasn't naïve enough to believe that two exorcists and a runaway Noah could accomplish what a hundred years of war could not. But with this kid, this adorable, optimistic kid, the Order might be able to land some critical hits against the Earl.

Maybe they really _could_ put an end to this godforsaken war.

"So uh, what do you think?" Neah asked sheepishly, oh how she wanted to pinch his cheeks. Maria tilted her head and stared at them in her intense way, they squirmed under her gaze.

God she loved it so.

She wasn't going to tell, that's what these kids were really worried about. Their only fault was inexperience and she could only imagine what would happen should the Order get its slimy hands on Neah. She thought about what he did yesterday, with power like that, you could level a place. He was sweet kid and, channeled properly, he could really do some good, but not for the Order.

No, the Order couldn't be trusted with that kind of power.

So Maria being typical Maria, after thinking these deep thoughts, she responded in her usual fashion. She gave them a giant, disarming smile. She knew she was strange and a little too playful and was often reprimanded for it, but she was the goddamned Branch Guardian so they couldn't do shit about it.

"I think … that I can't process this on an empty stomach." She jumped and grabbed Neah by his skinny shoulders. She hovered awkwardly above him, enjoying how he shrank back, still little babies.

"Take me to San Francisco, California. There's nothing good to eat out here in the desert; I want to go to a charming seafood restaurant with a view of the golden San Francisco Bay. You can do that right?" She got right into his face; he had the prettiest silver eyes. She got even closer to really observe them.

He gulped and nodded taking a step back; she stepped right with him and grinned widely. "What are you waiting for?" He jumped back and hid behind the girl, Lizzy. A moment later and the glorious white gate that had opened under Neah yesterday appeared before her.

She gasped taking in the sight, it didn't look much like a boat, but who was she to complain?

_This stuff was serious and scary, _shethought suddenly, _what I am getting into?_

These kids-these babies- didn't know anything about what it meant to be at war, to be different.

They'd opened a whole new can of worms and she had to admit that she was kind of frightened to see where this new road led. She would let them have their peace for now; it was only a matter of time before it would be stripped from their soft backs.

She hid her thoughts well as she skipped through the gate, that, and it was pretty fun to mess with people.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Cross scratched his head wondering what the hell was wrong with this lady. Yesterday she had been all serious and solemn, and now she bouncing around and giggling like the maniac he was slowly suspecting her to be. Poor Neah, guy looked like he's just been molested.

He looked over at his friend, more specifically, he looked at his wan face and the dark circles under his eyes. Neah's been doing this stupid Noah dinner every other Friday since he'd known him, but something else had happened yesterday. When they questioned him about it, Neah hid the distress from his eyes, smiled and told them that they worried too much.

Damn selfless Neah, always willing to suffer alone to protect the ones he cared for.

Cross knew it bothered Lizzy a lot. Lizzy, sweet Lizzy who was determined to save the whole damn world, couldn't stand it to see her friends hurting. It was for reasons like this that Lizzy wouldn't to confide in Neah for fear of bothering his hectic life. Neah obviously hadn't gotten the memo if the jealous glances he shot Lizzy and himself were any indication. Cross made a mental note to talk to him about it later when this lunch was over with and things started making sense again.

It was kind of scary actually, the thing with the Akuma attack yesterday, it had made everything seem real. They hadn't really done anything up until now, collect some Innocence and have some fancy lunches around the world. Seeing Neah cover and protect this girl, this exorcist, literally shielding her with his body from the attacks; it just served to remind him what exactly they were involved in.

He hadn't been able to sleep at all last night. He had stayed up all night in the musty, spare bunks in the North American Branch, Lizzy just as awake as he was in the next bed over. He just kept running the whole thing through his head, wondering if there was anything he could have done differently.

Maybe they really were kidding themselves.

They were a bunch of punk kids, not even real exorcists and they expected to take down the Millennium Earl? Cross sighed and helped Neah through the gate; he couldn't blame the guy for being reluctant to follow the crazy pedophile.

He decided to worry about all that later, right now he had his hands full dealing with these morons. Weren't these people supposed to be the adults here? Pinching the bridge of his nose, he prepared himself for a long and trying afternoon.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Lizzy felt like joining Cross as he sighed in irritation. They had been pretty worried yesterday that the older woman would tell her superiors everything she had seen. Now Lizzy was more concerned if the three of them would escape with their lives. She was fairly convinced this woman was insane.

_Though we are really ones to talk, _she thought rolling her eyes.

She hadn't been able to do anything yesterday afternoon. All of her training, all of her skills which she was proud of were nothing against an actual Noah and it stung. She was resolute in her desire to become the best exorcist she could be and, modesty aside, she had to admit that she was damn good.

She wasn't graduating early because of her good looks after all.

And yet all she could was watch as her best friend risked his life to save another exorcist, something that should be her job. If they couldn't handle one lousy Noah taking some Akuma for a spin before dinner, how the hell did they expect to take down the Millennium Earl?

It was fucking scary.

Laying there on some spare beds in the North American Branch, she and Cross had both stared at the ceiling and silently considered what they were doing. It had seemed so simple before, so easy; it had been like some secret club you formed in a tent in your backyard.

She smiled lightly as Neah fended off Maria's probing hands. She wasn't strong enough yet, but she'd get stronger, she had to in order to protect these amazing people she loved so much. She had seen how tired he had looked this morning, she was going to get strong so that she could protect him and she wouldn't bother him with her problems until then.

She heard a loud commotion behind her, Lizzy rolled her eyes, looks like Maria had abandoned Neah in exchange for Cross and his rather striking red hair.

**DGMDGMDGM**

This had to be the strangest lunch Neah had ever attended, God and he had thought the Noah were psychotic, this girl was bat-shit crazy.

Between his parents and the Earl, Neah had had manners beaten into him, but hell, this was a special occasion. He put his elbows on the table and rested his weary head in their comforting embrace. They went to San Francisco, had found a goddamned seafood restaurant for Maria, and well, ended up where they were now. He'd feel worse for Cross if he weren't so relieved to see the older woman focus her uninvited attentions elsewhere.

Neah was beginning to wonder where she got all that energy from, that is, until she ordered lunch. She literally pointed at the menu and then handed it back, she apparently had wanted one of everything and this was after she's eaten all the bread and butter at their, and their neighbor's, table.

God his head hurt just thinking about it.

Neah thought at first she was playing mind games on him, testing him to see how much he would tolerate. He hadn't actually expected her to, well, eat everything she ordered and what they ordered too. Watching her consume unholy amounts of food had caused the three of them to lose their appetites, to which she gladly obliged them and finished their meals for them.

Has his eye always twitched like that?

Cross got up and moved seats for the third time only to have Maria follow him and continue to stroke his hair.

One of them was going to be dead by the end of the day, he was mortally sure.

Lizzy tried to start a conversation several times, but Maria had her mouth full every time and he and Cross were too frustrated, so eventually she gave up and decided to memorize the history of the restaurant written conveniently on their placemats.

Shit, how the hell did the North American Branch afford to feed her every day?

Finally finishing her exorbitant meal, even going so far as to lick the plates, she delicately patted her face with a napkin as several waiters tried to haul away the innumerable amount of empty plates.

"That was delicious thank you," she said cheerily. Despite the headache, despite the eye twitching, Neah managed to smile and tell her how the pleasure was all his.

Maniac or not, she was a lady and he had not been raised to be rude to women.

Cross had no such upbringing apparently, as he slammed his palms on the table and stood up heatedly.

"What the hell is your deal bitch? First you're all noble with your 'I wanna save the exorcists' crap and then once we tell you what's going on, you act like a complete psychopath and eat enough to feed your entire fucking base. I have had enough with your shit, are you going tell on us or not because I cannot take this anymore!" Lizzy tried to calm Cross down while Neah awkwardly tried to explain to the stunned restaurateurs that his friend was just tired and that there was no need to alert the authorities. Maria sat there calmly while Cross huffed over his cathartic use of energy.

"Is there any particular order you wish for me to answer those questions?" she asked good naturedly, showing no signs of being upset by Cross's outburst. It really wouldn't surprise Neah in the least to hear that these sorts of outburst were common around her.

"I suppose I should start with what my 'my deal' is, but that might take a little while so please be patient." She smiled brightly, Cross blinked and sat down slowly, not sure what else to do. They had never come across anyone like this before. She turned and addressed Neah.

"I was trying to tell you yesterday, but you jumped in front of me before I could explain. While it's certainly not good to be hit with Akuma bullets, I wouldn't die from the virus. You see, I'm a parasite type exorcist. Anytime the Akuma virus is in my system, my Innocence immediately purifies and expunges it." She smiled and pointed to her throat.

"When I was fourteen, I bit into an apple containing Innocence, where it then imbedded itself into my throat. It hurt like hell and I spent about two weeks in the hospital. They were going to operate when one of the doctors, who had a brother who worked for the Order, recognized what happened and instead sent me to the North American base. Because I'm a parasite type, my Innocence uses a lot of energy which is why I need to eat so much. So, sorry I didn't tell you before, you just seemed so eager to play the hero. " She shrugged as if it was no big deal, but the whole experience sounded pretty traumatic to Neah.

"I didn't really like it at first, I mean, I was kind of taken from my home without my permission and, as you've probably noticed, I'm a little odd so I didn't really fit in." she looked down at her hands. "I was fifteen when I battled an Akuma for the first time. I didn't really understand my Innocence or what it was for. I never really bothered to; I just kept trying to figure out a way to avoid it, to escape from the Order. But when the Akuma attacked, they cornered some finders." She rolled her eyes up to the ceiling as she became lost in the memory.

"I can't remember what happened but I just started singing. I've always sung, I wanted to be an opera star when I was little and I must admit I have some talent. But this time, a barrier surrounded us and the Akuma exploded. I had saved them. I can still remember all of them standing around me, thanking me, hugging me and I realized that this was what I was meant to do. I saw that I could actually save people with my Innocence. I stopped trying to leave the Order that year and worked to hone my Innocence." She smiled and lightly fiddled with the ends of her short hair as she continued.

"I was a field agent for a while; I would travel with other exorcists and protect them from Akuma attacks. I don't really have any offensive powers and my Innocence is mostly defensive. Last year, the previous Branch Guardian and my Master, Zelda Karnofsky, was killed by a stray Akuma bullet. She had been training me to succeed her and she had really been the only one I felt close to at the Order." Neah nodded slowly, he knew that feeling of loneliness, of not fitting in with your peers.

"After Master died, I was hastily named the new Branch Guardian. It was kind of thrown upon me because I hadn't really completed my training or anything. I'm still learning, still trying to do my best to protect all the people I can. I was so scared yesterday because, I was afraid that I wouldn't be strong enough to keep everybody safe. I probably would have died yesterday if it weren't for you."

She smiled softly, and reached across the table to grasp Neah's hands. His first instinct was to pull away, but he kept his hand where it was seeing her expression. Her eyes were light with unshed tears and she bowed her head respectfully.

"I would like to thank you, Neah Walker, for saving my life yesterday. Now I can continue to better myself and go on to defend all the exorcists I have come to love, even if that same feeling is not shared." Neah was speechless; he felt a blush rise to his face. He was the Noah of Pride so a part of him simply adored the praise, but still, it felt so undeserved.

"It- it was nothing, I was just glad to be of some use. I feel terrible that my family has been the cause of these attacks. I'm just trying to right their wrongs." He smiled nervously, after such a beautiful speech, how could he expect her to still like him after being reminded of his relations?

She tilted her head and smiled once more, her emerald eyes shining.

"You are a very special person, Neah; it is a great pleasure to make your acquaintance, all of you. You all are silly, hopeful fools, but that's the best kind of fool you can be." She turned to smile at Cross and Lizzy, who of course were holding hands.

Neah frowned and pulled his hands back.

Maria looked at him curiously, confused by his sudden withdrawal. He didn't really care at the moment, all he could think of was the way Lizzy held Cross's hand in her own. The constant touching was starting to eat at him. Why didn't they get a room if they wanted to hold each other that fucking badly?

Feeling frustrated, abandoned and more than a little jealous, he stood up and nodded curtly.

"Excuse me, I need to use the restroom," he said as he stalked away, refusing to acknowledge the burning in his chest. So he was the third wheel now? '_Oh it was fun while it lasted Neah, but Cross and I want to be alone together. You've only spent your whole life by yourself, you don't mind do you?_' He leaned over the sink in bathroom and rubbed his head roughly.

After a minute or two, his anger ebbed away and he felt guilt surge in its place. Lizzy and Cross were good for each other, who was he to be an asshole and act like that? And with a guest here too, he covered his eyes with his hands, trying to block out the image of Cross stroking Lizzy's hand.

Guilt or not, it still hurt like hell. He'd only had these friends for such a short time and now it seemed like he was losing them already. He put his forehead on the rim and sighed.

He really didn't know how to deal with people.

"You got that straight buddy." Neah, not realizing he had said the last part out loud, almost fell backwards as Cross appeared behind him. He gripped his chest trying to calm his racing heart.

"Jesus Cross, you scared the hell out of me." Cross smirked, Neah had come to know all of his smirks and the meaning each held. For example, the one he wore now was of wry amusement with an undertone of concern. It was quiet for a minute before Neah huffed and banged the back of his head against the small bathroom wall. He didn't look at Cross and merely stared forlornly at the wall.

"So is Lizzy ready to kill me yet?" He questioned, of course she was pissed, why wouldn't she be? Neah had no right to act that way, there was no way a girl like Lizzy would be okay with him making a complete ass of himself. Maybe there was a reason why Lizzy was always clinging to Cross.

Cross sighed and leaned next to Neah staring off into space as he spoke.

"We're not going to leave you, you know that right? Lizzy loves you to death; she'd do anything for you, that's just the way she is. Hell, even that crazy bitch Maria is worried about you." He put a hand on Neah's shoulder, Neah said nothing as he mulled over his friend's words.

"I-I just don't want to get caught between you and Lizzy, b-but I'm not sure I can stand being left alone anymore." Neah said softly, crossing his arms and slowly sliding down the wall as he continued.

"You two are so close, I always see you holding hands and she always go to you for comfort. I -just, it-it hurts, you know and I -" Neah looked with surprise and indignation.

Here he was baring his heart to his supposed friend and Cross has the audacity to laugh.

He laughed so hard, he slipped down onto the floor with Neah, still cackling. Neah felt his cheeks burn, goddamned fucking asshole. Cross slapped his knee and wiped the tears from his eyes.

"That's what's been bugging you? Man you have absolutely no idea." He lazily slung an arm around Neah shoulder in a friendly manner that made Neah feel both uncomfortable and loved.

"First of all, Lizzy and I are not a couple. Never have and probably never will be. The problem is that we're too damn alike to ever attempt a romantic relationship. Second of all, Lizzy is a tough bitch. She's got a lot of guts and she is one of the strongest people I know. But she needs a little relief every now and then; someone to hold her hand and remind her that she's not alone, someone to tell her that things are going to be alright when the nightmares get too bad." Cross shrugged.

"She never went to you because, well, she didn't want to burden you. Lizzy's always upset because of how hard it is for you to go back and forth between us and the Noah. She doesn't want to load you with all of her problems while you were dealing with your own." Neah blinked back, what was he talking about? Lizzy knew he used her and Cross to escape from all the Noah crap at home, didn't she? Cross took his silence as a sign to continue.

"And finally, and I already said it once and I'll say it again, we're not going to leave you. Lizzy loves you far too much and well, I don't have much else to do. Even without our whole thing with the Earl, you're our friend Neah. Why the hell would you think we'd leave you? Dammit, you really don't know anything. We exorcists have a dangerous life, death looms over everything we do; friends are all we have. We will never, ever leave you, man. No matter how much of a dick you become, we'll be there to kick your ass and drag you back." Neah smiled as he stared down at the floor.

It had been a long time since he had been held like this. The Earl hugged him every now and again, but that just made him want to bathe. But this…this was the real thing. Leaning on Cross's shoulder in some dirty bathroom in San Francisco, Neah realized what was important to him, what was worth fighting for.

"No wonder Lizzy likes cuddling with you, you're pretty comfortable." Neah smirked, enjoying Cross's surly look. Cross was not very good with sentimental talk and on the rare occasion he did try and comfort someone, he felt the need to act extra grumpy afterwards to make up for his momentary lapse in masculinity.

It was ridiculous, but Neah wouldn't change one damn thing about him.

"Yeah, well get off me you fucking Noah. You aren't nearly pretty enough to be my homosexual lover." Neah chuckled and released his hold as Cross stood up. Neah shook his head, wondering how he had ever doubted his friends. They were all he had; he would protect them no matter what the cost. A light tap on the door took them out of their own world.

"Um guys, are you ok in there? You've been in there for a while, and uh is Neah alright?" It was Lizzy, being concerned for everyone else as always. That's why she was always grabbing Cross; she needed a little help staying strong for her friends. And maybe one day, it would be his hand that she reached for.

"You guys having a party in here or something? If you got some alcohol then you better be prepared to share with the rest of the class." Neah and Cross watched as Maria casually sauntered into the men's room, she looked around. "Damn, this place is small; the girl's bathroom is a lot bigger."

They didn't last much longer. The restaurant finally got fed up with their crazy behavior and kicked them out. Though they did go out with style by following Maria's lead and jumping out of the window and proceeded to run down the street laughing, after all, when would they be in California again?

Still laughing as they leaned against a building several kilometers away, Maria spoke in a somber voice.

"I don't think you should ever tell the Order about what you're doing." The kids looked up from their panting. They had always felt they could make the biggest impact with the Church on their side. Why shouldn't they ally themselves with the Order? Maria sighed and looked away.

"The Order, well, let's just say that while the idea is admirable, the actual institution is less than wholesome. It's a scary place to be if you actually know what goes on behind the curtain. If they were to find about your plans to attack the Earl or, God forbid, Neah and his abilities… Well let's just say in the wrong hands, that information could be used very, very badly. This is something you have to do on your own. You can't tell anyone else, especially not the people in power, no one at the Order can know." her dark expression melted back into a small smile.

"I believe in you. You, you guy have something special going on here. I can't explain it, but you kids just seem to, I don't know, shine. I know it's kind of scary to think that you're on your own, but you have such a strong connection with each other that you don't need anybody else. I want you all to take things slowly and carefully, but I think you should run with this. You guys are going somewhere and I'm going to be there at the end proud to say that you bought me lunch." The mood was tense and everyone's unspoken fears hung limply in the air.

"What do you mean, you're coming with us," Neah smiled and the tension dropped suddenly. "You are inside our circle now Maria, I'm afraid you're stuck with us. The four of us are in this together; we can take down the Earl without anybody's help, not the Order or the Noah. We could really use you, that is, if you're interested." Neah felt his eyes sparkle.

She was right; they did have something special going on. They were doing something that had never been done before and he was anxious to see where this road led. As long as the three, pardon, four of them were together, he'd follow it down to the depths of hell. Maria grinned widely, tears brimming in her eyes as she pulled them into a tight hug.

"You'd really have me? I've never been a part of a club before. This is so exciting! We should have weekly meetings to discuss our plans and start making diagrams and-" she rambled.

"Just um, please bring some money with you next time. You're going to eat us out of house and home." Neah choked out as he tried to remove her arm from his throat.

"And get your damn hands off of me you freaking pervert!" Cross struggled valiantly only to be further crushed. Despite the terribly uncomfortable position, Neah couldn't be happier. He was surrounded by the best of friends who would never leave him. He sighed with contentment listening to Cross and Maria bicker and poor Lizzy gasp for air.

What a wonderful, crazy family he had found.

**DGMDGMDGM **

Three weeks later, Lizzy and Cross stood on the stage and accepted their rose crosses and all the problems and privileges that go with it.

Cross, being the ham that he is, strolled casually across the stage as if it were no big deal, though even he couldn't keep the grin off his face as his tearful Master pinned the cross on his coat. He gave a deep bow to audience before returning to his seat causing the females to erupt. Neah had to hold Maria down to prevent her from doing anything too inappropriate.

Lizzy walked across the stage with stars in her eyes, as if her whole life had led to this one moment. Under the lights of the stage, she looked beautiful in her rather form-fitting ceremonial coat and victorious smile. Maria flailed her arms wildly from where they sat in the back. Lizzy blushed and gave a small nod in return. Lining up with the other graduates, most of them at least a year or two older than them, Lizzy and Cross held hands and looked like they could conquer the world.

As per tradition, the night of graduation was the exorcist's ball, a special night celebrating not only graduating students, but all hard-working active exorcists. It was here that Neah finally became acquainted with General Devdas, the Master that both Lizzy and Cross admired deeply.

Though Neah was in a bit of a conundrum, here he only had one handkerchief, but there were two sobbing exorcists. Their Master hugged them tightly, tears running down his face as he told them how proud he was. And dear Maria who lamented how her sweet, little babies were growing up so fast.

Readjusting his collar, he smiled as the photographer snapped a picture of the four of them. It was probably the most ridiculous pose ever.

Maria was in the middle of smiling while wiping away stray tears. Cross squirmed uncomfortably as Maria held him very tightly to her body in a dress that left little to the imagination. Lizzy was giggling at Cross's predicament as she cuddled next to Neah. And he sat there looking confused as to why the photographer was waving a little puppet of the Earl at them.

All in all, it was a disjointed and awkward picture, but a surprisingly accurate one.

Grinning at his friends, he wondered whether or not this meant God had forgiven him for his sins, for surely he only gave such wonderful people to those who were the most deserving. A slow waltz began to filter through the air, across the room he noticed Lizzy talking amiably with her Master.

Giving his neck a quick crack, Neah made his way over to her. He was going to dance with the lovely girl in red tonight, as friends of course.

**DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM**

"Alrighty, the first official meeting of the Earl Destruction Squad will now commence" Cross started awake at the booming voice before resting his head on the table.

Stupid Maria, stupid meeting, stupid fucking time change… who's idea was it to have a damned meeting in America when the other three were on completely different times zones? Did she have any idea what time it was in England? Of course not, that would require using the piece of meat generally referred to as a brain. Lizzy breathed softly beside him, having already escaped from the waking world.

How jealous he felt.

And Neah sat there nodding his head sleepily, though the time change didn't affect him that badly, he was still tired as shit. And Maria sat at the head of the room having the gall to look chipper; he swore to God he would get her for this.

Cross felt his finger's twitch. He hated sitting around and talking what they were going to do. He knew they couldn't just storm Edo, but he'd lived his whole life without any sort of plan, all this waiting drove him insane. If they were going to kill the Earl, he wanted to do it now.

He closed his eyes and tried to fall back asleep. He'd let the crazy people play with their little plans, he'd be there when he was needed; with his gun in the Earl's fat, smiling face.

"Come on you fussy britches, it's nine in the morning! It's a bright and beautiful day in sunny Arizona and we have a lot of planning to do." Was she seriously sparkling? Cross sighed and decided he didn't care if she grew wings and flew away; he just wanted to sleep goddammit.

As he drifted off he wondered what he'd do after the war was over.

A large palm slammed on the table, startling Lizzy out of her half sleep. She moaned as she sat up, she and Cross had just returned from a mission and now they were pulled out of bed by Neah at some god awful hour at night so Maria could have a stupid meeting. She was glad and all that Maria was getting into this, but seriously, this couldn't have waited until they were all awake? She rubbed her head trying to retain a semblance of patience.

She knew from experience that screaming at Maria made no difference.

"Maria, must we do this now? It's almost midnight in Europe, we're all exhausted" she said through a yawn. Cross had fallen asleep next to her. Poor guy, he'd gotten pretty beat up the other day and though he would never complain, she knew he was still hurting. Not to mention that Neah always seemed to be tired these days. He had mentioned that the Noah had gotten a lot pushier and that Edo was becoming more of a nightmare with every passing day.

She hated it.

She hated how fucking weak she was after all this time that she couldn't do anything for her friends. It was her goddamned fault Cross was hurt, she was too slow and he took the full brunt of the falling tree trying to help her. And Neah never felt like he could confide his problems to her.

She gripped her hair, fatigue always managed to bring out all her guilty feelings.

She just wanted to sleep and forget that her friends were slowly slipping away from her. Seeking comfort she, as always, she went to Neah. She laid her forehead down on the table next to him and sighed contently as Neah absently ran her fingers through her hair.

What would she do without these wonderful people? She would just have to get strong enough so she'd never have to find out.

"Seriously." Neah added miserably, as he gently played with Lizzy's hair.

Denis apparently hadn't been joking when he had mentioned that he would 'take Neah under his wing'. It seemed like anytime Neah was in Edo; Denis was waiting for him trying to bring out Neah's Inner Noah. It was maddening and Neah thought he'd die listening to all of Denis's stories of his own kills, but he hoped it would convince Analyse of his loyalties.

Bitch still gave him the creeps, every time he saw her; she just stared at him, as if looking for some fatal flaw just beneath the surface. Neah sighed and began playing piano chords on the table with his other hand, a nervous habit he could never quite break.

It was getting harder to balance his two lives, hell; it was hard enough just to find the will to return back to Edo, land of a million horrors. He hated having to sit with those monsters every other Friday and pretend he was as wicked as there were. He wasn't sure how many more times he could hear Saoirse's (1) 'how many Akuma does it take to kill an exorcist?' joke before he went insane.

And the worst part was? He wasn't sure what upset him more: how evil they truly were or the fact that he was different from them. He would never scare his friends with such news, but just because he didn't have any previous Noah memories didn't mean he still wasn't affected by his Inner Noah.

Late at night, when he let his guard down, he felt these disturbing impulses dance lightly across his brain. It told him to succumb to his desires, act commit atrocity after atrocity, to kill his friends and help the Earl slaughter humanity. He could ignore it well enough, but never completely block it out. The silky voice whispered to him in his drowsy state, he shut his eyes tightly, hoping it would go away.

He wouldn't be like them, he wouldn't kill, he wouldn't.

"Neah… are you alright?" Lizzy asked sweetly, her eyes barely open as her lay next to him on the table. He smiled and continued to play with her hair. No need to worry everyone over his problems.

"Nah I'm alright, just a little headache is all." He sure hoped it was an assuring smile; he would hate to sully Lizzy's pretty face with worry. She smiled back gingerly.

"No flirting during the meeting." Cross twitched a little bit, but other than that remained unaffected by Maria's shouting. Lizzy and Noah groaned simultaneously. "Now, I would like to start the meeting with our pledge." Maria paced confidently her arms behind her back.

Neah put his head in his hands, he did not sign up for this when he agreed to kill the Earl. He needed to review his contract. Maria ignored them and continued.

"I pledge allegiance to the group and to exorcists around the world, and to the Order for which it stands, one world, under God, indivisible with liberty and justice for all except the Earl. Let us hope he burns in hell." Somewhere deep inside him, part of his sanity fragmented and died.

What the hell was wrong with the world?

"Lovely, a true inspiration" Neah said in a voice so dry, it made sandpaper run for cover. Maria ignored this again and continued by looking down at her clipboard.

"Ok, now time for roll-call! Club president Maria de Monaco… Present!" she checked something off on her clipboard. Neah sighed, yet for all his complaints and his increasingly difficult and dangerous life, he wouldn't give this up for the world.

He didn't want to be a killer and he really felt he was doing something important just by being here.

And the friends he made were irreplaceable; he'd even crawl out of his comfy bed to attend a dumb-ass meeting in the middle of the night for them.

"Club Vice President Elizabeth Logan… Present!" He loved these people. He would die for them and more importantly, he would live for them and try and do the impossible alongside them.

"Club Treasurer Neah Walker… Present!" As long as he had his friends, he could accomplish anything. Here in this abandoned home outside of Tucson, he found he was truly happy.

He didn't need the Earl or his false love, all he needed was the support of his friends.

"Club Secretary Marian Cross… Mari, Mari? Dammit Cross, are you present or not?" Maria stomped over to where Cross was napping. She hovered over him and shouted, which did absolutely no good. Frustrated, she kicked Cross's chair from out under him, causing him to fall backwards.

Lizzy and Neah immediately ducked, seeing Cross quickly reach for his weapon and begin to fire at random. This only lasted for the few seconds it took for him to hit the floor, but he still managed to do quite a number on the ceiling.

Glimpsing cautiously over the edge of their tables, they caught Cross disoriented on the floor and Maria standing there stunned amongst the damage inflicted upon the room.

A lamp overhead fell and smashed to the floor. Neah wasn't sure what brought it on, perhaps the look on Cross's was too funny or maybe he was just tired and afraid of what lay ahead, but whatever the reason, Neah began to laugh hysterically.

He gripped his gut as he continued laughing. They were going to die viciously at the hands of the Earl, but for now, Cross shooting as he fell to the floor was the funniest thing on Earth. Lizzy joined him soon after, mixing in her musical giggles with his loud chortles. Maria leaned over on her knees and laughed noisily having escaped death by virtue of chance.

Cross looked between the three of them confused and somewhat pissed off.

"What the hell did I miss?"

**DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM**

The three of them stared warily up at the large tent, despite Neah's reassurances, none felt too safe in the dirty field in Northern England. Neah grinned he flagged down a man covered in snakes.

"Hey Junior! Is Mana in?" the thin man nodded before he and his snakes slunk away. Cross shivered as Lizzy and Maria hugged him tightly.

Snakes, why did it have to be snakes?

"Does your brother always affiliate with such interesting people?" Cross asked warily, circuses always gave him the creeps. There were enough strange things in this world without some lunatic putting it on display. Neah ignored Cross's question and gestured towards a particular tent.

"I wrote Mana and told him we were coming so he should be expecting us. You'll love him; he practically raised me as a kid." Cross wasn't sure he liked what that implied, if Neah was this crazy, then what did that say about his brother? Neah pulled open the flap of one of the smaller tents.

"Mana! It's your favorite little brother fresh from Fantasy Island. I picked up some hitchhikers on the way here, hope you don't mind." He held open the flap so they could walk in.

The girls were still clinging to Cross as they looked guardedly around the darkened tent, he had a bad feeling about this. The tent was sparsely furnished, in the faint light he could just make out a mattress on the floor, a small table with a few chairs and a few old and battered suitcases. Neah sighed nostalgically as he gave one a light kick.

"I don't see anyone Neah, maybe he's not home." Lizzy said steadily despite the fact that she was still holding securely onto Cross's arm.

"I remember these cases; we used them when Mana and I ran away together. I wonder how he's kept them together for so long; they were old back when we used them." Neah said softly as he ignored Lizzy, sentimentalism dripping from his words.

"I can't see anything in here; can't we light a candle or something?" Cross grumbled. He hated the dark; it always put him on edge and years of experience had taught him all the things that could be waiting hungrily in a darkened place.

First thing he saw move he was prepared to shoot.

"But that would ruin the atmosphere," said a mellifluous voice from behind them. Lizzy and Maria gasped fearfully as a tall shadow appeared behind them.

Neah had to quickly step between them to prevent Cross from blowing his brother away. In spite of the near disastrous situation, Neah still laughed.

"Goodness Mana, you sure have a death wish to be pulling that trick on exorcists. Cross was just about to shoot you to high heaven." Cross slowly lowered Judgment, but kept the weapon out, he wasn't quite positive this guy was all there.

Either of them.

This must be where Neah got his odd sense of humor and that alone made Cross very nervous. They were all relived as a candle was lit allowing them to see better, the girls relaxed their grips ever so slightly and the feeling began to return in his arms.

The light revealed a man who couldn't be much older than twenty.

He removed a gaudy red bowler revealing long, luscious black hair. The remnants of white paint on his face couldn't hide his smile or his uncanny resemblance to Neah. With his sharp cheekbones and dark charcoal hair he really did look a lot like Neah, which shouldn't have been as surprising as it was, considering they were brothers and all.

Sometimes it was hard to remember that Neah was human and had a family outside the Earl. Cross had just kind of come to accept the fact that Neah was 'The Noah', the guy who could instantly recover from fatal injuries. Seeing him smiling and slapping his brother's back reminded him that his friend, and by consequence all the other Noah, were human too.

He wasn't sure if that fact was reassuring or frightening.

"Sorry, I know Mana can be quite tiresome, but he means well." The older man roughly pinched Neah's cheek. He quickly fluffed his long black hair which he then tied up with a ribbon.

"I've been looking forward to meeting all of you; Neah has told me all about you kids in his letters. I must say I've been getting frustrated with his constant babbling, hopefully now that I've met all of you, he'll use his paper for better purposes." He stepped forward and reached for Lizzy's hand, dropping to one knee to give it a light kiss.

"You, my dear, are far prettier than Neah's letters have described, though mere words could hardly expect to do such beauty justice. It's Elizabeth, is it not?" She blushed and nodded, releasing her grip on Cross completely. Cross slowly stuck out his hand, Mana was about to shake it when he stopped and removed a tack from his hand.

"I don't think that would be a good idea now would it? That is a fine firearm you have there, but I'd rather not observe it up close again. Your name is Marian correct?" Cross nodded, finally feeling comfortable enough to holster Judgment. They shook hands; Cross noted he had a tight firm handshake, so at least he wasn't a spineless wimp like his brother.

"And it's Cross by the way, Marian is just for the paperwork." Mana grinned; he had the same goofy grin as Neah too. Maria, in typical Maria fashion, would not be forgotten. She also let go off Cross and threw herself at Mana, the poor man nearly buckled under her weight. His smile never wavered.

"Ah yes, and you must be Maria. And here I thought my little brother was just exaggerating when he mentioned the word 'crazy'. I'd shake your hand, but we seem to be in a bit of an awkward position." He groaned beneath her weight, but managed to maintain his civility and balance. Cross was impressed; Mana was a better man than him to put up with that kind of abuse. She giggled before releasing him. Mana took a deep breath and rubbed his aching neck.

"Boy she sure is a handful ain't she brother, have you got a leash for her?" Neah smirked. It was nice to see; with all the things going on, it had been awhile.

"Yeah, but since it's a special occasion, we thought it would be nice to let her run around for a bit." With the introductions done and the reassurance that Neah's brother wasn't completely psychotic, Mana showed them into the rest of the tent.

The light hadn't improved it much and only served to illuminate the dirt and clutter around. He pulled out a few extra chairs from the back so that the five of them could sit down; it was cramped, but mostly comfortable. He set down a pitcher of water and a few glasses.

"I'm sorry it's not much, this is a circus after all. It's not luxury, but its home." They thanked him as he sat down with them. They made light chatter for a few minutes before lapsing into silence.

Mana gazed at them deeply as he sipped his water causing Cross to shift. His amber eyes, warm and intense like his father's bourbon, studied them.

The color may have been different, but the stare was all Neah.

"So Neah tells me you're going to destroy this Earl," he said heavily, the humor gone from his voice. Someone coughed at the table as the kids traded tense looks.

Mana took another long sip from his water as he silently gaged their reactions.

"You-you know about that, about everything Neah's involved in I mean." Lizzy spoke after a few moments. Neah tilted his head and gave her a small sad smile.

"Well he's family you know. I had to explain to Mana where I had suddenly disappeared to. Well that, and I thought I'd go crazy without someone to talk to, someone to get me through all the madness in Edo. If Mana hadn't been there patiently listening, I probably would've lost my mind a long time ago."

Mana smiled affectionately and reached over to lightly clasp his brother's shoulder, it was a simple action, but it spoke volumes of their relationship. Mana sighed and lazily swirled his water, leaning back into his chair. He stared into the glass as if it held all of life's answers.

"You see, Neah and I have been on our own since we were kids. Our parents were too busy socializing to properly raise us. I-I remember when all this Noah stuff started. He was in the hospital almost a week before he, I don't know, 'changed'. God what an awful time that was, I-I honestly thought he was going to die. I-I um left him for a little bit to get some air and when I came back, he was-he was gone."

Guilt colored Mana's features as he turned away from Neah, who in turn started staring fitfully down at his lap. As it had been with Lizzy, Cross had a feeling there was more to the story than either would ever admit, but he wouldn't pry into such an obviously touchy subject. After a moment, Mana continued.

"He came back a few days later, healthier than I've seen him and fucking scared out of his mind. He told me about the Earl and the Noah and how he didn't know how to get out of it. I told him leave, but he said it was too dangerous, not only for himself, but for me as well." He pursed his lips and stood up and turned away from them facing the wall of the tent.

"I was-I was very glad when he told he had broken allegiances with the Earl. I had been afraid that the allure of power would turn him into something ugly, something that wouldn't be my baby brother anymore. I was, for once, very glad to be proven wrong." He grinned genially, turning back to them.

"I suppose I have you three to thank for that. Whether he tells you or not, he cares a great deal for all of you. He's been writing me telling how dangerous his treachery is and how it could very likely be the death of him. I don't really know about this war and I'm not involved in it. But you kids are good for Neah, so this old clown is prepared to do anything in his power to make this journey of yours easier, even if it's just a place to get away from it all. I'm willing to welcome you all into our small, broken family that is if you'd like." He said, smiling down at them with a warm gleam in his eyes.

Neah smiled affectionately and gave his brother a friendly punch on the arm. The look he gave Mana was one of love and appreciation, the way a son usually looks at his beloved father.

"You're such a sap Mana and don't call yourself old. You're only two years older than me, so by default, you're calling me old." The goofy grin returned as he heckled his little brother. Neah laughed as Mana began poking him, leaning so far over avoiding blows that he fell out of his chair.

The kids smiled to themselves watching the brotherly exchange. Neah really needed this. Mana knew Neah better than they did and he understood how heavily the pressures of the Noah and the threat of discovery weighed on his shoulders.

But sweet, selfless Neah would never bother his friends with his problems and would instead deal with his demons alone on the Ark. The only way to keep him sane was to keep him happy, and as a clown, Mana was quite experienced in the art of merrymaking.

So maybe next time he was feeling low, Maria would act that much more wild and Cross would crack a few more dirty jokes; after all, what are friends for?

**DGMDGMDGM**

The evening proceeded normally after that, or as normal as it could be considering the company. The conversation drifted back to the more pleasant and mundane. Mana eagerly questioned the kids about their lives as exorcists and the duties they performed. He paid rapt attention as they described in detail the inner workings of the Order and its members. They responded back with questions on life in the circus and if he ever feared being stabbed the eclectic display of people.

Mana couldn't help but chuckle at that, the kids fought literal monsters on a daily basis and they were afraid of the circus folk? He guessed they were more normal than he'd thought. They decided to continue their conversation over dinner and hopping onto Neah's magical and completely illogical boat Ark thing, they went off to dine in Ireland for some of Mana's favorite fish and chips.

Mana delighted as he got his brother to choke on food during a well-timed joke, though his victory was short lived as Neah surreptitiously stole Mana's wallet when it came time to pay. Mana thinks perhaps he taught his brother the art of pickpocketing a little too well.

All in all it was a wonderful evening and by the time they dropped Mana back at the circus, it was almost midnight.

Cross and Miss Elizabeth were anxious to return home. Apparently even demon hunters had curfews and Miss Maria didn't feel comfortable leaving her base unprotected for so long.

Neah yawned and replied that he was taking one of the younger Noah, Rhode, to the zoo in the morning which meant he had to be up early. Mana shook all of their hands again and gave his brother a gentle kiss on the head, much to said younger brother's dismay.

He waved as the kids disappeared into the magical door again. He still didn't really understand all this Noah crap and the war, but he didn't like what it was doing to these kids.

When Neah first told him about the exorcists and the Black Order, back when he first became a Noah, Mana thought of large aggressive priests who killed heretics who would not join their faith. Mana was therefore very shocked to see three kids, the eldest of them barely older than himself, being introduced as these mysterious exorcists he had heard so much about.

While they smiled, joked and laughed all evening, they never quite looked at peace, as if they were waiting for a monster to appear around the corner any moment. Mana couldn't imagine what that was like, always living on edge, going from battle to battle, going to bed each night knowing that this may be the last time you see the moon.

The bitter wind blew and he retreated back into his lonely tent.

They were good kids, and more importantly, they really cared for his brother. He wanted to get on his knees and thank whatever God they worked for that his brother was blessed with such loving companions. They'd keep him in line and keep him from going insane or worse.

He just wished there was something more he could do. He was a lover, not a fighter; he healed the world through laughter, not weapons.

But perhaps he could help them in an equally important way. He could wait here with open arms for the kids to return from their physical and emotional conflicts and let them lick their wounds and relax a little. He'd joke and jibe with them and give them, if only for a moment, the childhood all of them were denied because of this damned secret war.

Absentmindedly straightening up his messy tent, he realized that he was now a part of this war by giving these kids sanctuary.

He shrugged, oh well, there's a funny side to every situation, he'd just figure out what it was eventually.

He blew out the candle, illuminating the dark.

* * *

_Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends,_

_Mmm, gonna try with a little help from my friends_

_Ooh, I get high with a little help from my friends_

_Yes I get by with a little help from my friends,_

_with a little help from my friends ~ The Beatles_

* * *

With the main character introductions out of the way, the story can go from here. Alot of these early chapters are just character development. Some are just fun and, if I'm going to be honest with myself, fillers. But trust me, everything is important in its own little way so skipping chapters is not advised. So now we finally meet Mana, one of the things I was frusterated with throughout this story is how little Mana is actually seen. He is mentioned quite frequently by Neah off-screen, but he doesn't appear in person very often until the end. My justification was that this story focuses on Neah and the exorcists and it was hard to incorporate Mana into this. Still, his presence frequently is noted by Neah and at times it seems his love of Mana is a person in and of itself. Whatever, rambling again.

(1) For future reference, Saoirse is pronounced (Seer-Sha) and Denis can be either how I like it (De-Knee) or (De-Niece)

_With a Little Help from my Friends_ (c) is the property of the Beatles and Apple Records


	5. Teach Your Children

_Disclaimer: I do not own any part of D. Gray-man nor any of its characters. I can only close my eyes and quietly play dress up with said characters in my head and hope I'm not desecrating Hoshino Katsura's work too much._

For those of you who care, Author's Notes will be at the end of every chapter and any and all questions will be gleefully answered if asked.

* * *

_Teach your children well,_

_Their father's hell did slowly go by,_

_And feed them on your dreams_

_The one they picked, the one you'll know by._

* * *

Cross sighed as he stared out the window. He had forgotten how much he hated trains. Without moving his head, he turned his gaze to the young girl sitting across from him. He had also forgotten how much these trainees annoyed him.

They should have seen this coming; they couldn't have expected to paired up all the time. Once they became full exorcists, the Order decided that Lizzy and Cross were good enough to be separated. It was annoying, but they made due with solo missions. On occasion, they just went together and completed both missions using the Ark before returning back to HQ.

But now the powers that be have decided that both he and Lizzy go on an Innocence collection mission with a junior exorcist to give their young and hopelessly naive charges 'adequate field experience'.

Cross frowned at the girl across from him; she was only about twelve, though he would've thought she was younger. Her name was Lena or something; he hadn't really bothered to learn it because he'd honestly thought his Master was joking. This kid had barely talked the entire time he'd known her; she was decent with her Innocence, he'd give her that, but what the hell was he going to do with some brat?

Though Lizzy had it far worse, she'd gotten paired up with the preppy girl from hell, at least his kid would keep quiet and stay out of his way.

Though none of them had it as bad as Neah, he got the short end of the stick in this scheme. It was getting worse in Edo and he had been looking forward to getting out of there for a bit. But with boat anchors being dragged along, Neah couldn't join them on the mission.

He huffed; there were times that the Order really sucked.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Lizzy resisted the urge to beat her head against the metal railing of the ship. They were working on a mission to kill Akuma and collect Innocence, and what was that little bitch doing?

Sunbathing.

She was actually in a sundress, which she shouldn't even have seeing as this is a collection mission, lying on a chair like she was on fucking vacation.

Lizzy gripped the rails until her knuckles turned white. She took a deep breath and relaxed her hold. Alright calm down, so the girl was relaxing before a potentially dangerous mission, no big deal right? She was probably mentally preparing for the encounter right now… as she flirted with wait staff. Never had Lizzy wanted the boys so badly, of all the people she could have been paired with, she got the obnoxious bratty Marilee Jones. As soon as she got back she was going to hug and kiss all of her friends and go somewhere nice where she could scream and break shit.

She slowly turned her head at the sound of Marilee's nasally giggle. Little bitch was proudly showing off her Innocence whip to a trio of young men. Lizzy massaged her forehead and prayed that this would end quickly.

Cross had better be as miserable as she was.

**DGMDGMDGM**

"I got it thank you." Cross was surprised, it had thus far been the only words the girl had spoken during the ferry and two days' worth of train rides they had been together. They had been in the process of debarking the train when he had grabbed her small bag from the top rack.

He wordlessly handed it back to her and she held it tightly to her chest. Shrugging, he continued off the train, one less thing for him to carry after all. She trailed after him like a lost puppy and he had to consciously slow down so her short legs could keep up with him. Did the Order really expect him to make this brat to be a mighty slayer of Akuma?

He was an exorcist, not a miracle worker.

Whatever, he just wanted to get the mission done, get the kid home in one piece and let the Order worry about it. She stared down at the ground, acting as if she wanted to fade away and she just might if she got any quieter.

"I don't mean to pry, but, are you alright?" He didn't really care, but maybe if he pretended he did, it would make this mission go easier. She looked up at him with large hazel eyes that matched her tanned skin. She nodded quickly before resuming her vigilant study of the ground. He raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

Fine with him, he didn't really want to talk anyway.

Arriving at the hotel, they sat down on their separate beds. It was a small room, not much furnishing with a wonderful view of the next building's wall. It reminded Cross of that small Inn in Derry with Lizzy and Neah. He shook those thoughts away.

Thinking of Rachel would only make this mission harder.

The girl stared at her feet as she clutched her bag; he wondered what was in the bag that was so damned important. Other than the brief moment he picked it up, he hadn't seen her let go of the bloody thing. He smiled slightly, might as well make some effort to get along. After all, the last time he had been in charge of a little girl, she'd ended up dead.

"Alright, so your name is Lena?" he asked, she looked up with surprise and just a little fear. What could a little brat like her possibly be afraid of?

"It's um Lani, Lani Kamalei." She said softly, "I'm from Kaua'i, it's a small island in Hawaii." Cross nodded. He'd been there once with the guys trying to escape the bleary English weather.

"That's a very pretty place, how is it there? Anything new?" Keep her talking; her vocal chords could use the workout. She shook her head and her long braids shook with her.

"We- we're still a territory. The United States might take us in, but I'm not sure if I'd like that." Cross grinned, though she seemed mildly frightened by it, so he stopped.

"I have a friend from there, in a state called Arizona. It's a nice place, the people there are a little crazy, but they're all very kind and helpful." She nodded so gently, her head barely moved. This kid wasn't going to make this easy was she? He decided to try a different tactic.

"So this is your first mission. I remember mine, I originally hated the girl I was partnered with, but now we're best friends. Right now she is on another mission with a kid like you." The girl did not respond and Cross felt exceedingly awkward.

Alright, so she was going to play hardball? He could throw it right back at her.

"Alright Lani, apparently things are spontaneously lighting on fire for no reason. It's weird because sometime only part of an object will burn or it will go out and burn again sometime later. Strange objects too, anything from a bathtub to the tail of a dog." She stared at him intently, it was slightly unnerving.

"So how about we rest for a bit and then check it out?" she nodded silently and lay down on the bed without making a sound. If he hadn't been watching her, he wouldn't have believed she'd moved at all, the bed didn't creak or anything.

It was like she wasn't even there.

Laying down himself, Cross sat there pondering about various things: Neah alone on Noah's Ark surrounded by monsters, Lizzy and the bitchy brat she was probably killing right about now and the quiet Hawaiian girl who was like a walking shadow. He sighed and closed his eyes.

There were far too many strange people in this world and it was starting to give him a headache.

**DGMDGMDGM**

"Aw come on Lizzy, that guy was cute… Why do you have to be so mean?" Lizzy grit her teeth as she dragged the girl down the hall, telling herself that she was just a kid and that it would be inappropriate to dismember her. This little bitch had been obnoxious and uncooperative since they got on the boat to Canada. Between sunbathing and flirting with the staff she had been every parent's worst nightmare.

The last straw came when she started 'catching' any cute, young man she could find with her long whip. Lizzy apologized to the boys with deep cuts and serious rope burns and proceeded to drag the troublemaker to their room.

Maybe the Order wouldn't object if she just beat the crap out of her, you know, to teach her a lesson.

"It's so not fair Lizzy! You get to flirt all day with that hunky Cross guy, so why can't I play with these guys." Would this headache ever abate?

"First of all Marilee, we are on a serious mission from the Order, not a vacation. You can chase boys and sunbathe all you want on your own time. Second, the Order is a secret organization if you can recall, you cannot go around flaunting your Innocence like that. Do you realize you could have killed someone with that whip of yours? Finally, Cross is my best friend. He is a sweet guy and I would very much appreciate if you did not talk about him that way." Lizzy huffed, hoping the girl would resist her and give Lizzy an excuse to smack her. The girl blew hair from her eyes in irritation.

"You can't fool me; everybody at the Order knows you and Cross are in love. We're all just waiting for you to admit so you can stop teasing all us other girls." Lizzy stopped and let go of the girl's ear to turn and glare at her. Marilee gave her a smug proud gaze without any trace of shame.

Cross had told her she had been a stuck-up bitch, but she hadn't been this bad, had she?

"Listen here, I want to get this over with as soon as possible. We are going to go in, get the Innocence, leave and never, ever speak to each other again. You had better be on your best behavior and not screw up this mission. This is just as much for your benefit as mine, if someone dies because you're fucking around, it will haunt you for the rest of your life." Lizzy felt her cheeks flush with anger as Marilee lazily folded her arms and rolled her eyes.

Of all the selfish, little- ok Plan B.

Lizzy whipped out one of her pistols and held it under the girl's chin while her other hand gripped her hair to prevent her from moving. Lizzy would be lying if she denied the enjoyment the superior expression in the girl's eyes being replaced by fear and surprise brought her.

"You listening now bitch? No more boys, no more sunning and you will use your Innocence on Akuma and nothing more. I just want to remember one thing, I have the authority here. I can do whatever the hell I want to you and blame it on the Akuma and no one will say a word. You see, it's my job to mold you young, swaggering exorcists and if you happen to lose a few fingers along the way, well so be it."

The girl's legs shook as she stared at the weapon digging harshly into her jaw. Lizzy let the smallest smile grace her face as she holstered her pistol before the weapon could be noticed by other passengers. "I'm so glad we could reach an understanding Marilee. I'm going to go back to the room to rest, would you care to join me?" the girl nodded jerkily and stumbled after her.

"Smart girl," Lizzy let a wide smirk cover her face as the frightened girl trailed after her. She'd be back to her snarky self within the hour, but she'd restrain herself a little bit more to avoid any further association with 'Crime' and 'Punishment'.

My oh my, she was indeed spending too much time with Cross. He had corrupted her so and at the same time saved her from Marilee's fate.

**DGMDGMDGM**

By the time Cross opened his eyes, the sun was setting and it was nearly dark out. Lani sat on the bed staring at him. She blushed and apologized for letting it get so late. They walked around for a little bit and questioned the shifty-eyed natives. One after another would blame the fires on something else, any excuse they could find from the dry weather this year to a rival town trying to ruin their festival. Cross hated towns like this, where superstition and lore took precedence over facts.

He sighed as they made their way back into town, it was late, they would sleep now and continue in the morning. The kid had been surprisingly clingy the entire time, most of the time she just gripped his coat, but now they were actually holding hands as the temperature began to drop. How the hell did he expect to get a girlfriend if he kept playing big brother to all these girls? Lani slowly began talking.

"These people are scared. They're confronted by something they don't understand so they do their best to explain it, even if it's just making up stuff." Smart kid, she'd go places if she just grew a spine.

"Yeah, you see this a lot as an exorcist, especially in small towns like this. People don't know how to handle the unknown so they become afraid. On my first mission, in fact, my partner and I had similar problems. We walked around most of the day and couldn't get anything from the nervous folks." He chuckled upon remembering the fight he and Lizzy had in that field, they still squabbled occasionally, but they cared too much to actually fight anymore.

"Was that with Lizzy?" Cross looked down at the curious girl, he remembered mentioning Lizzy, but he didn't recall actually naming her, so how did this kid know Lizzy's name?

"How did you know about Lizzy?" she blushed and lowered her head meekly, as if fearing punishment for her innocent question.

"I-I'm sorry, I uh, I've seen you walk around Headquarters with her. She's-uh she's very pretty. I'm sorry, I uh you also mentioned her wh-when you sleeping, I uh couldn't help but overhear. I'm so sorry, it was wrong of me." She released him and bowed so deeply, the tips of her long braids dusted the ground.

Cross laughed awkwardly, uncomfortable with the crazy antics and patted her head.

"Calm down kid, I was just wondering is all." He coughed into his fist. "But uh yeah, that was with Lizzy. We used to fight a lot, but we became really close on that trip. Do I really talk in my sleep?" They continued walking and after a few tense minutes, she tentatively reached for his hand again.

She assaulted him with a thousand questions over dinner. It really surprised him how spirited she became once she was comfortable. She asked him questions about his past missions, about his life and about Lizzy; they somehow always got back to Lizzy. But no matter how much he queried, she wouldn't say anything about herself. Every time he brought up her family or childhood, she kind of folded into herself and shrugged off questions.

Eventually he just stopped asking, he knew what it was like to run away from a sucky family life, it sadly seemed to be a trend in the Order. After a nice dinner, they walked back to the hotel with Lani dragging her feet insisting between yawns that she wasn't tired.

By the time they reached their room, he was practically carrying her.

Not really sure what to do, he slipped her coat and shoes off of her limp form and undid her braids. She whispered something he couldn't make out before falling asleep on her bed, her bag still in her arms. Was supposed to tuck her in or some other shit? Cross shifted on his feet uncomfortably. Lizzy would most certainly know what to do. As he lay down in his bed, he ignored the warm feeling in his chest.

There was no way in hell he was going soft.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Getting off the ship was difficult, but doable. Marilee was annoying, whiny and rude; but she sure as shit kept her Innocence to herself, in every context of the word. Getting off the ship in Quebec, they hopped a train and rode across the country in silence. This didn't bother Lizzy one bit as she was actually enjoying catching up on her reading and this new story of the showy consulting detective was quite fascinating.

After a long couple of days of traveling, they arrived on the shores of the James Bay in the town of Waskaganish. She ignored Marilee's disgusted look as she looked around the train station. It wasn't London, but it was a nice peaceful town or at least it had been. A team of finders collected data and found numerous peculiarities not to mention the odd town testimonies.

Apparently for the last week, a giant grey wolf, about twice the size of a man, had been kidnapping members of the town. Most of them were loners, so the disappearances hadn't really been noticed until one citizen saw an old man being taken. Walking through the town, Lizzy took note of the wolfsbane flower and various silver objects on the homes.

Obviously the reports of a man sized wolf prompted people to believe the cause was the loup-garou or as it was known back home, the werewolf. She and her sisters had been fond of these folk stories as children, but she had never once considered them to be real, even while Jane and the others had cowered in their beds at night.

These people had associated their troubles with a legend and were hoping a few flowers would protect them.

Damn, superstitious towns were the worst to deal with.

"God, do they really think it's a werewolf? Are these people stupid or something?" Marilee spat as if disgusted by the word's bitter taste on her tongue. Lizzy frowned, that was no way to get answers from people. Girl needed a serious attitude adjustment if they were going to get anywhere.

"Yeah, and you might too if you lived in the middle of nowhere Canada. These people have lived and died here for generations, most don't know anything outside this town. They don't know any better, so they blame it on legend." Marilee snorted, but said nothing more as they walked through town.

After asking around, they found a home that would take them in for the night. Before they walked into the house, Lizzy tightly gripped Marilee's upper arm.

With a bright smile on her face, she reminded the girl of her lowly, expendable place in this world.

"Alright sweetheart, now these nice people have kindly allowed us to stay in their home. Be on your best behavior or I swear to God I will make you sleep outside with the werewolf, alright?" Marilee swallowed, but otherwise showed no fear as they entered.

They broke bread with the simple family and Marilee, like a good girl should, sat there quietly and smiled when appropriate. After helping clean up and, with many more thanks, Lizzy announced that they would go for a quick walk.

The room fell silent.

"Oh no dearie, you can't. Loup-garou is out there. My-my husband and a few other men will go out later tonight and fight this demon, b-but you girls can't." Said the their hostess who held her wrinkled hands to her chest, her eyes wide with fear.

"He preys on the weak and ignorant. You and your sister may walk when the light has returned, but for now crawl in bed and say your prayers. Pray to our generous God for absolution for your sins and salvation from this wicked puppet of the devil." The woman hastily made the sign of the cross.

The young girls exchanged looks. Marilee looked like she was going to argue about their relationship, but the woman wouldn't hear it and quickly led them to their room down the hall.

She delicately opened a creaky drawer and pulled out two night gowns just about their size. "I-I wasn't sure if you had sleeping clothes, I-I-" Her eyes watered as she held the worn fabric to her face.

"I'm sorry, m-my daughter, Bethany, she-she was the first victim taken. She's such an obstinate girl, always wanting to get out of this small town and head for the big city. She…she went out for a walk after we had another fight, and-and-" She buried her head in the pajamas and wept silently for a minute. She then wordlessly handed the pajamas to them, Marilee jerked back with surprise as the woman gingerly began stroking her short hair.

"I'm sorry my dear, it's just, just that you look so much like my Bethany; a proud strong girl with your whole life ahead of you." She cupped her face gently and Marilee sat there quietly, no longer struggling.

"Please darlings, please, stay inside this moon. I cannot, I cannot lose any more children to this beast from hell." Without another word, she turned and left them alone, but through the thin wall they could hear her weeping. They bit their lips and shifted their feet, not sure how to take that.

"God, I can't wear this now knowing a dead girl wore it." Marilee said, sneering softly. Lizzy was about to strangle her for her impudence, but noticed Marilee delicately folded the nightgown and placed it by the window. Lizzy felt herself calm, perhaps she was doing it out of respect instead of her usual bitchiness.

Could there actually be a soul in this arrogant, selfish girl?

Well despite the heartbreaking story, there was only one thing for them to do now. Lizzy slowly opened the window so not to alert the residents to their intentions. It was a one story house so they could easily climb out.

"Wait, you actually want to go out there? After what she just said? Oh hell no. There is no fucking way am I leaving this room." Lizzy raised an eyebrow in irritation, whatever respect she had gained for the girl burst into flames and died a quick and painless death.

"Yes, we are actually. We are here for a purpose, or do you just wear that rose cross for because it matches your eyes? Besides, weren't you the one who didn't believe all this werewolf superstition? You and I both know its Innocence and it's our job to find it." Lizzy said, gracefully sliding out the window without a sound.

Sneaking in and out of bizarre places with the guys had become something of a specialty.

Marilee pursed her lips and followed Lizzy. It didn't escape her notice the way Marilee's eyes lingered on the folded pajamas before hopping out the window. Seeing as they had disturbed no one, they jogged into the simpering moonlight in search of the mysterious lycanthrope.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Cross coughed a couple times as he was grudgingly pulled out of sleep. He wearily blinked his eyes open; someone was smoking a big ass cigar somewhere. Next to him, he heard Lani cough coarsely as well. He coughed again, fuck, how many cigar smokers were there here?

He realized what had woken him up. He sat up quickly and looked around; something was wrong here. Sure enough, there a small, steady stream of smoke coming from under their door. He threw open the door and a wave of smoke assaulted him. His eyes watered as he covered his face with his arm.

There was a fire in here and a big one by the looks of it.

In some of the other rooms, he could hear people starting to panic, so the fire hadn't started too long ago. But then how the hell did it get so big so quickly? That was for him to worry about later; he rushed over to Lani's bed and shook her roughly.

She was instantly awake and proceeded to cough some more. Cross shoved her abandoned coat in her hands. She accepted it with weary confusion as her body shook with the force of her coughing.

"There's a fire in here, you breathe through that to prevent smoke inhalation. I'm going to get you out and then I'm going to come back in and help the others. Do you understand?" She nodded as she coughed harshly, dammit; the smoke was already affecting her pretty badly, best to get her out as soon as possible.

She reached for his hand and looked at him with pleading red eyes.

"I want to help too. I'm also an exorcist remember? I can help." He frowned, her valor was impressive, but she was coughing up a lung here, she'd only slow him down anyways. She seemed to read his mind and frowned determinedly, damned exorcists and their damned sense of duty.

"I can keep up with you. If you leave me outside I'll just come back in on my own and most certainly die alone, it's your choice." Shit, well he didn't have any time to argue further. He curtly nodded to her and they ran into the smoke filled hallway.

The smoke had gotten a lot denser since he'd last been out here, he estimated they only had about 5-10 minutes before they had to get out or risk lung damage. He coughed into his sleeve and ran down the hallway. He took one side of the hall and she took another, banging on each door to try and help as many people as they possibly could.

"Is anyone in there? The building is on fire, we need to get out now." Some rooms had already been abandoned, but many people opened the doors. Most weren't sure what was going on and thought it was best to wait it out in their rooms. If they hadn't come here, these people would have been dead before the fires even reached their rooms.

He ushered a crowd of people through the halls, Lani had her own group of people she was dealing with. Together they had about nine people struggling down the hallway coughing and wheezing. Lani's face was sallow and ashen, but to her credit she didn't say one word of complaint. And she wasn't the only one; everybody was looking bad; he himself could feel the edges of his vision growing dark.

They needed to get out now.

All they had to do was reach the staircase and they could get outside with little difficulty. Reaching the staircase he suddenly stepped back, fucking hell; the staircase was completely engulfed in flames.

He heard the people behind him start to panic; great, things would only get worse if everyone got frightened. It would only further decrease the already low oxygen levels.

"Okay, everyone calm down. We can find another way out of here, if we can find a window, maybe we can climb down." Suddenly, the hallway they had just come down blazed as if commanded by Satan himself. Anyone left in their room was as toasty as a charcoal right about now. A woman started screaming and it soon spread throughout their little group like wildfire.

Ah fucking puns.

"Please, this is getting us nowhere. We need to stay calm. Everybody please stand back." However small and pathetic her voice was, everybody seemed to relax somewhat upon hearing Lani speak. Maybe they just felt that if a child was telling them to calm down then they had no reason to panic. She looked worn out and she wheezed terribly, but she still had that resolute look in her teary eyes.

She reached into her bag and pulled out a rod the length of her forearm. Oh, so that's what she was planning. He grinned, this girl showed some real potential; he'd have to thank his Master for her excellent training later.

He pushed people back as far as they could go, there would probably be a good amount of debris from her Innocence, best to keep everyone as distant as possible.

"Innocence, activate," she whispered lovingly into the rod which then glowed and grew into a large elegant scythe almost twice her height. One would think the massive weapon would seem gargantuan and disparate in her petite hands, but she wielded it with the grace of one who was born to use it.

A few of the people shouted in fear upon seeing the weapon appear. Cross supposed it was a natural reaction, he'd almost forgotten what was considered 'abnormal' in modern society and a little girl with a giant ass scythe would probably be on that list.

"Alright calm down people. We're professionals here, now stand back dammit." he gave Lani a nod, she smiled weakly and using her remaining strength, cut a large hole in the ceiling like it was butter. The fiery debris fell around them harmlessly and Cross could immediately notice the difference in his breathing. The spots disappeared from his vision as the fresh air revitalized him.

"Alright listen up, I'm gonna boost you all up onto the roof, we can figure a way down from there, but at least we'll be out of the smoke." He said. She'd chosen a good low lying ceiling. With a few of the other men, he'd be able to lift people onto the roof. It was also fairly stable so they wouldn't have to worry about the roof collapsing underneath them.

He reached out to help up Lani; she was the youngest and by far the worst looking of them all. But she denied his hand and slowly shook her head, leaning heavily on her scythe.

Damn stubborn selfless kid, he'd of course do the same thing in her position, but it still pissed him off.

One by one, he helped people onto the roof, the men climbed up themselves and when everybody was up, he turned to Lani only to find her stumbling back down the fire filled hallway. He cursed loudly, now what was that damned brat doing?

"Lani! What the hell are you doing? Get your ass out of that fire and get back here." She turned back to him, wheezing weakly, and wildly pointed into the fire.

"There's a boy in here, I saw him walking down the hallway." She suddenly coughed violently and fell to her knees; she struggled to stand up, but couldn't find the strength. Ignoring the calls of the others on the roof, he rushed over to her, where she feebly clung to him.

"I saw him Cross, he's in trouble, please go save him. E-Everybody deserves to be saved." With that she left the conscious world, more debris fell behind them, blocking their way to the roof. This was bad, this was real fucking bad. He coughed some more, the smoke overwhelming his already hazy mind.

Well, there was only way to go now.

He picked up her unmoving form and ran down the hallway back through Dante's Inferno.

He held her close to his chest trying to shield her from the effects of the fire, but that would be the least of their worries if they didn't get out of this smoke soon. He stumbled and they fell into a flaming room, he coughed and black mucus dripped out of his mouth, that didn't look good.

Shit, he couldn't die here; he was going to die at the hands of the Millennium Earl fighting to save the world. He would not die in some pathetic little house fire. His blurred vision faded and for a second, it wasn't Lani's sooty form in his arms, but Rachel as her mutilated body pumped life-giving blood away.

No, Lani wouldn't be the second little girl he lost. He shakily stood to his feet and stumbled right into Lani's mystery boy. He appeared about ten and seemed completely unaffected by the fire surrounding him; he looked up at them with concern.

"Mister, are you alright?" His eyes widened as he observed Lani's beaten form. "Is she dead?" Cross seriously did not have time for this. He grabbed the kid's hand.

"Come on, we'll find a way out, don't worry, it'll be okay." _They were so dead, _he thought, leaning against a wall to catch his breath, though that was a joke seeing as he could barely breathe in here as it was. The smoke was too thick; they were really going to die here.

_Lizzy, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry._

"I'm sorry," he looked down at the boy who had tears in his eyes. "This is my fault. I didn't mean to hurt anyone; I just wanted Señora Garcia to pay for treating my Papa so badly. I didn't want to hurt anyone."

With that said, he pulled something out of his pocket. Cross must have lost his vision more than he had thought because it looked like a statue of the Virgin Mary. Cross started stumbling in the general direction of the hole to the roof; he might as well die trying.

A flash of green caught his attention and he noticed the kid's statue was glowing green, Innocence, holy crap; this kid had fucking Innocence.

And in a flash, the fire had died away and the smoke dissolved into the air.

In fact, the scorched and destroyed objects around him were the only indication that a fire had been raging there not a second before. Cross even felt himself shiver from the sudden lack of heat.

He fell to his knees as oxygen rushed into his lungs, oh God; he had forgotten what it was like to breathe, sweet Jesus it felt so good. Lani stirred in his arms, right they had to get her treated. The boy looked up at him with remorse and fear. Cross held his shoulder partially to comfort him and partially to support himself.

"Look kid, I know that was scary, but we can explain what happened. We're from the church, we can help you." The kid's face lit up as if God himself had just descended upon the Earth.

"The church? You've come to help me and Papa haven't you! Please come on, Papa will be so happy to meet you." Cross stumbled down the now clear stairs, clumsily holding Lani while the boy cheerfully led the way. The authorities were already treating people once they got outside, a ladder was up on the roof and people were slowly making their way down.

Lani was taken from his arms and medics immediately began the Sylvester Method (1) to try and help her breathe. After a few cycles, she coughed severely before her breathing evened out.

It was shallow, but at least she was alive.

Cross breathed a sigh of relief and deflected medics, the others needed more attention than he did. Everyone had survived the fire virtually unscathed, most people escaping with only first and second degree burns and singed luggage. Lani was by far the worst and Cross asked to accompany her to the local hospital. Not knowing what else to do, he grabbed the boy and took him with.

Sitting in that hospital, waiting for news, Cross prayed for the first time in a very long time. It was hard to keep faith in a God that saw fit to cause so much death and destruction.

The kid, whose name he later found out was Aiden, rocked back and forth praying fervently into his Virgin Mary statue. He made faith look so easy, so natural; Cross was actually a bit jealous.

But if that kid lit anymore fires, Cross swore to God he would shoot him.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Lizzy was supposed to be the mature adult here, so she resisted the urge to scream and cling to the nearest body as a bat flew overhead.

Goddammit, she didn't have any shame when it came to the boys.

If Cross was here, he'd call her a baby, but hold her tightly. Neah would just smile sweetly and hold her hand and tell her everything was alright. Instead she's stuck with a whining, frightened teenage girl.

Where was a godamned man when you needed one?

Lizzy coughed lightly into her coat, there was so much fog here she could barely breathe. She bet Cross was having a grand ole time partying in Spain. She was just freezing her ass off looking for a werewolf in the middle of goddamned nowhere and, by the way, who the fuck goes _looking_ for a werewolf?

Marilee trailed next to her rubbing her arms nervously. The moon was full and bright, but obscured by the thick fog. All the light was filtered and made every shadow seem like a waiting demon.

Lizzy stood up straight and continued walking; she had to get ahold of herself. Whether she liked it or not, she was supposed to be setting an example for Marilee. She had only drawn her pistols to be prepared; it wasn't like she was scared or anything.

Marilee huddled next to her as an owl flew from a branch.

"Y-you know, it's pretty hard to see right now, I um I think we would get more done in the morning." She said, her voice shaking with both fear and the bitter cold. God a nice, warm, nonthreatening bed sounded heavenly right now, but that was the life of an exorcist for you.

Sucky.

"How many werewolves do you see in the middle of the day? I don't like it any more than you do, but we need to find this motherfucker so we can go home." Lizzy said, trying to make her voice sound strong and authoritative, someone you could depend on, like Cross or Neah. Marilee moaned.

"A fucking werewolf, God I hate my life. Why can't there ever be a cute bunny with Innocence, I'm pretty sure I could handle a little bunny." Lizzy chuckled despite the miserable situation, but the image of Marilee and her Innocence whip chasing a small bunny was pretty amusing. Another branch broke somewhere nearby and Marilee gasped fearfully clutching Lizzy's coat. Lizzy patted her shoulder, still chuckling over the bunny daydream.

"We're never going to get anywhere if you're afraid of every little bump and-" Lizzy stopped stood there for a moment with the light smile still frozen on her face. She suddenly dropped to ground, pulling Marilee down with her.

Half a second later and a flurry of Akuma bullets assaulted the air where they had been standing not a moment before. Marilee yelped as they hit the ground, from their position on the ground Lizzy fired some shots randomly into the dark night. She apparently got lucky as one Akuma exploded, with the light generated by the explosion she could make out four other level one Akuma.

Well shit, this evening just got a hell of a lot worse, though she wasn't sure if she was relieved or disappointed to find it was just Akuma and not a werewolf they were fighting.

Not that she actually _believed_ in werewolves or anything.

"We've got four level one Akuma, that shouldn't be a problem for two independent young ladies such as ourselves. Can you reach your whip from this position?" Lizzy whispered as she aimed her weapons, the Akuma would be heading their way any moment.

Marilee took shuddering, shaky breaths. Even in the dim light, Lizzy could see the panicked look on her face and feel her hands tremble.

"Oh God, I-I've never fought an actual Akuma before. I can't even hit the target real well on Master's dummies and those things aren't even firing back! I-I-I don't think I can do thi-" she stopped and clutched her head as Lizzy struck her lightly with the butt of her pistol and, by lightly, she meant that there was no permanent brain damage.

She was really getting tired of this bitch's complaining.

"Jesus and you have the nerve to call yourself an exorcist. I know you're not perfect and, frankly, neither am I. Innocence is a weapon from God, it will guide you. For whatever reason, that particular Innocence choose you out of all the people in the world to be compatible with, that weapon was made for you. Just remember that a true exorcist isn't fast or strong, but has a high synchronization with their Innocence." Marilee frowned and yelped as Lizzy pulled her up.

"So get off your goddamned high horse and kick some ass, you little bitch." Marilee sneered and released her Innocence.

"You know what? You're right, I am a goddamned exorcist! And I am sick and tired of you treating me like I'm just some useless little girl. You've been giving me such a hard time and I'm going to show you how much ass I can kick! " she shouted as she pulled out her whip.

An Akuma floated forward and aimed its guns, but was sliced in two as Marilee struck. Lizzy raised an eyebrow, not what she had in mind, but hell, she was killing Akuma so she didn't really care.

Making sure not to hit the rampaging girl, she aimed for the other Akuma. Both girls attacked the same Akuma simultaneously and it blew up in a beautiful display of exploding machinery. Lizzy rolled her shoulders; another couple of human souls saved no big deal.

Marilee apparently did not share her modesty.

"That was epic! That rush was like nothing I have ever felt. No wonder you exorcists love you job so much. It's-it's like this massive blast of power." Marilee said, flailing her whip wildly into the night sky.

Lizzy groaned, the thrill of victory was intoxicating, though some people handled it better than others. Lizzy winced remembering that she had danced upon the remains of her first defeated Akuma while firing randomly into the air.

So they while they may share some _small_ similarities, Lizzy was not, _was not_ like this conceited little rich bitch.

She sighed, well whatever, she'd worry about that later. Right now they still had a werewolf to deal with. Watching Marilee dance Lizzy smiled, she'd done well for her first time, she'd let her enjoy her moment for a few more minutes.

She looked up into the sky, the darkest part of the night was approaching, but at least the fog was starting to lift.

She frowned as Marilee suddenly cut off in her celebration. Lizzy turned her way and was mildly frightened to see she was no longer there. Lizzy gulped and held up her pistols, she swore to God she would shoot her if this was a prank.

"Okay kid, you did a good job on those Akuma, but um it's…it's time to go." There was no reply. "Come on girl, quit messing around." Lizzy said scanning the area, her hands remaining steady even as her voice shook. Her finger caressed the twin triggers, just looking for an excuse to fire.

"Marilee, you had better answer me, it's too dark out here. I can't see you." A figure moved in the darkness and Lizzy felt exasperation eat at her worry.

"Dammit Marilee, we've got a fucking werewolf out there and you're-" a large shape about ten meters tall cut her off as it jumped in front of her, she stumbled back and hit the ground hard. It was a giant grey wolf, with glowing green eyes, worse yet, between its massive teeth was Marilee's coat with Marilee still hanging limply inside.

Lizzy paled, "playing… around…"

**DGMDGMDGM**

Cross draped his coat over Aiden's sleeping body as he held his statue close to his chest. Cross was just relieved the kid had finally stopped his fanatical praying. Cross was glad the kid was repenting for his sins and all that crap but, goddamn, did he ever shut up?

Cross leaned back in his small, uncomfortable hospital chair. This damn hospital was fucking freezing, he vaguely wondered how Lizzy was doing in Canada with Bitchy McBitchBitch.

He was pulled from his thoughts by a loud crashing coming from the patient's wing, Aiden stirred in his sleep as several nurses began shouting. Cross stood up and made his way towards the door, was it an Akuma? Were they after Aiden's Innocence or, God forbid, Lani's? He drew his weapon not really minding the stunned reactions of the meandering public.

He was about to open the door when the blade of a scythe cut through it.

He took a step back, what the hell? It proceeded to slice through the rest of the door as Lani stumbled out. Her cheeks were flushed and she was dressed in a loose hospital gown. She still dragged a few attached cords behind her as she inched herself forward leaning almost entirely on her scythe.

Her eyes were wide with fear, as if seeing some distant evil only she could see. She stumbled out as if in a daze as the old ladies screamed. Aiden slowly blinked himself awake, letting Cross's coat fall to the floor as he sat up rubbing his eyes.

"Cross…" she muttered, her scythe scraping along the ground as she staggered toward him. "D-don't- don't… let… them… g-get… me. Took…. Ma… ku…a… don't… let… them… hurt... me… ag…ai…n." She fell into his arms, he panicked and held her, not sure what else to do. She gripped him as much as her diminished strength would allow, sweat running languidly down her face. She wearily looked up at him with frightened, broken eyes.

"Plea…se, no more tests. P-p-please Cross, I can't-I can't handle any more tests. Makuakane was positive, I was positive, positive, posit…" she trailed off and for the second time in mere hours, he found himself holding her unconscious form.

The nurses and doctors crowded around him as she was taken back to her room. He kept asking them what had happened and what the hell they were doing to her. He almost strangled one of the doctors until a nurse admitted that they had only given her a shot when Lani panicked and broke free.

Only the threat of permanent removal calmed Cross down and he slumped miserably back into the horrible chair. Aiden was on him immediately, literally crawling into his lap. Still tightly holding his precious statue, he anxiously implored.

"Master Cross what just happened? Is that girl ok? Was it something I did?" Cross frowned down at him. Obnoxious, creepy, annoying, dirty brat, there was nothing worse than a dirty kid.

"First all kid, I'm not your damn Master. Second, do I look like a doctor to you? I don't know what the hell just happened. Third her name is Lani and fourth get the hell off of me." He said, roughly pushing the young boy to the floor. But the obnoxious brat wouldn't stay down for long, he got up quickly and leaned on Cross's knees, determination leaking into his eyes.

Couldn't kids these days take a hint and just obey orders?

"It's my fault she's in here and I'm really worried about her. I don't want anything to happen to her, I just want to make sure she's okay." The kid had guts, Cross would give him that, he might have been obnoxious and creepy, but he was also willing to admit his faults and fix them and that had to count for something.

Cross sighed and rubbed his eyes; at the very least he could tell the kid what the hell was happening to him.

He motioned to Aiden's chair and gave him the usual song and dance about the Order, the exorcists, the Earl and how all the little pieces fit together. Aiden listened attentively, occasionally shaking his head with disbelief, as if trying to block out Cross's words, dazedly clutching his statue.

They sat like that until a nurse, the same one who had pulled him off of the doctor, cautiously walked up to them after almost four hours of waiting.

"Um excuse me, Miss. Kamalei has stabilized and if you uh can promise to remain calm, you may see her now." Cross stood up, it was about damn time. Aiden stood up too, but the nurse stopped him.

"I'm sorry young man, but only immediate family and caretakers are allowed to see her at this point, maybe in a few hours if she's doing better-" Cross lightly put a hand on her shoulder, watching as her form became rigid. He threw her a dashing smile.

"This boy just saved Lani's life; I believe that counts as her caretaker, am I right?" she didn't answer, but instead gulped nervously and slowly nodded.

"So there isn't any problem letting him in is there?" He asked calmly. She shook her head quickly and stepped back before hurrying back to the nurse's station. Cross grinned, hell yeah, he still had it. He wordlessly opened the door and let Aiden walk in. The hallway was stark and devoid of color, barren of any form of comfort.

No wonder Lani tried to run, you felt like a rat in a lab here.

Lani's room wasn't hard to find, it was the one with the giant slash marks through it. He gingerly turned the doorknob and the structure of the door fell apart, collapsing loudly onto the floor. Shrugging, he stepped inside the room followed closely by Aiden.

If she had looked small before, she looked nearly nonexistent now, drowning in the giant bed with wires and bandages covering her. Her arms and legs were firmly, but gently, strapped down and her Innocence was far out of reach.

Her breathing sounded a lot better than it did a few hours ago, but that still wasn't saying much. She looked up at him and unfolded her hand, mutely asking for comfort. He lightly gripped her hand, small and delicate, so similar and yet so different from Lizzy's. His other hand stroked her messy, singed hair.

Stupid, idiotic, brave kid.

"How you feeling kiddo? You must be doing better 'cause you sure showed those doctors a thing or two." He said chuckling, watching as the ghost of a smile appeared on her face.

"You never really got introduced before, but this is your mystery boy, the one you saw in the fire. His name is Aiden and he has the Innocence we came for. He started the fire on accident and extinguished it so we could get out. He's sorry for that by the way." he said, pulling the reluctant boy forward.

Aiden gave a small, awkward wave before ducking once again behind Cross. Lani looked back and forth between them a light smile on her face, she gripped Cross's hand.

"I'm sorry." Cross looked at her in confusion, shouldn't he be the one apologizing?

"What on Earth are you sorry for?" Her eyes darkened as she broke eye contact and stared at the wall. He read the shame in her eyes and he knew what she was going to say before she said a word.

Hadn't Lizzy looked the same way in Derry? Hadn't they all?

"I'm sorry for being so weak. I made you go back into the fire to save me; I'm-I'm such a terrible exorcist. I-I also worried you when I broke out of my room. I'm sorry, it's just my daddy-" Her throat constricted with unshed tears. Cross stroked her hand and she stopped.

"You have nothing apologize for, exorcists all help each other, if we don't have each other's backs, who will? And you don't have to explain anything. I'd want to get out of here too; it's pretty bleak in here." She looked at him and smiled, pure gratitude shining in her eyes.

"Thank you, but this has been burning inside of me for so long, if you wouldn't mind, I would like to tell you." He nodded, he remembered the relief he felt when he confided in Lizzy the beatings he'd endured at the hands of his father, sometimes you just had to get that stuff out and it was nice to have someone willing to listen.

He didn't know what he was expecting, but it certainly wasn't this.

Cross felt his mouth go dry as she explained, this was no ordinary family drama. Her father, her _Makuakane, _had been an exorcist as well. He had joined, more like been forced into, the Black Order shortly after Lani was born.

He was stationed in the Oceania Branch so she had been allowed to see him every now and again. When she was nine her mother was killed in a storm and, having no other living relatives, she was sent to the Branch with her father.

God, she was crying now.

She described how it had been great at first, until his superiors wanted to do some seemingly innocent tests on her. Leverrier, Malcolm Leverrier was his name and, according to her, he was a cruel heartless bastard. Once it was discovered that she too was an accommodator for Innocence, they began running tortuous experiments on her.

Her father tried to save her, but was eventually transferred to the Middle Eastern Branch to keep him from interfering. He died there seven months later in a random Akuma attack.

This went on for just over a year, day in and day out of probes and pain. Everything stopped a year ago when General Devdas, on a routine stop at the Oceania Branch, caught Lani trying to kill herself.

He stole her away from that awful place and told Lani that no more tests were being conducted like that nor would they ever be happening again.

"It's-it's still hard and, as you can see, I still can't stand hospitals, but everyone has been so kind. I'm- I'm finally remembering what it feels like to be human," She said wiping her eyes. "This is something I need to figure out on my own" she gave his hand a light squeeze which he returned in full.

"But it's nice to know I have people who will help me see it through." She smiled and Cross thought he had never seen a stronger girl. To remain so cheerful after everything she suffered and to continue to faithfully serve the Order that had hurt her so, now that was something truly special.

Aiden walked around to the other side and seized her other hand; he smiled at her with moistened eyes.

"I want to be your friend too and I want to go where you're going. I haven't experienced everything you have, but I know what a broken family is like. Papa is a missionary; he and Mama would rock me to sleep each night with the miracles of God as told in the Bible. When she passed away of pneumonia three years ago, I thought we both would die of grief." He paused and gripped her hand tightly.

"Instead Papa travels the world; we never stay in one place too long. He's afraid to get too attached to anything; all he really cares about now is God. That's why I started the fire, I was so mad at Señora Garcia who runs that inn. She, like a lot of others here, is rejecting English rule here and refusing to accept our religion. She-she hurt my Papa bad with the things she said about God to him a-and I was so mad, it wasn't supposed to hurt anyone." He roughly wiped away his tears with the back of his hand as if trying to deny their existence.

He looked intently at Lani. "I wanna be an exorcist with you. I want to fight alongside you and apply God's will to all the people out there. I want to learn your strength so that I can help Papa and other people to deal with death and remember how to live again. Will you-will you let me come with you?" he asked, gently kissing her hand.

Lani blushed brilliantly before nodding excitedly, looking anywhere but at the young boy. Cross smirked, true love in the making. (Cross actually had no idea how close to the truth he was. Lani and Aiden would go on to be friends and partners for seven years before Lani finally worked up the courage to ask Aiden for his hand in marriage. Cross watched the ceremony from the back before silently slipping out.)

Lani was still recovering, so they sat there for the rest of the evening and a portion of the morning. The three them talked for a while about all sorts of things: the Order, of their lives and their dreams and how things could come apart at the seams then they spoke of Lizzy… again.

Cross wondered why the hell Lani was so damn interested in Lizzy.

Aiden fell asleep on his lap after a bit, Cross would have moved him, but he was afraid the damn kid would wake up and thus Cross would have to deal with him all over again.

Anyone willing to refute that statement should also be prepared to stare down the barrel of Judgment.

He and Lani stayed up the rest of night, sometimes having intimate conversation about nothing and sometimes just lapsing into comfortable silence. She was scared and alone and not sure how to react to the people around her, she reminded him a little bit of himself. He knew what it felt like to be alone.

But he swore that no one would hurt her like that again, not if he could help it.

By the time morning rolled around, Lani was doing a lot better and Cross was about ready to fall asleep on his feet, that's what he got for pulling yet another all-nighter. But shit, that's what the train was for. After a ridiculous amount of time waiting around doing nothing, at ten in the morning, Lani had been deemed well enough to travel and return to the Order where she would receive better care.

What an interesting scene they were as Cross walked out of the hospital with Lani in his arms and Aiden scampering around them like an excited puppy. Lani still gripped her bag tightly which he found out during the long night contained not only her Innocence, but the only letters and pictures she had left of her father and mother.

It was times like these he wondered if his own father, the perpetual drunk, would be proud of what he'd become. Like Aiden's dad, Cross's father lost it when his mother ran off, but buried himself in booze instead of religion. He still woke up every now and then from nightmares of hiding under his bed with a gun while his father was on one of his rages.

"Cross, Papa's church is this way, unless you were planning on kidnapping me." Cross looked down at the brown haired boy as he reentered reality.

"Oh your dad, shit I forgot about that. Yeah, lead the way kid." He said, following as Aiden took them down a winding, dirt road. Now was not the time to mull over his daddy issues, these kids…these kids had it far worse than he'd ever imagined possible.

He still couldn't believe that something like that had occurred in the Order.

Knowing his Master as he did, he wouldn't put it past him to lie to Lani about the cessation of the experiments. His mind shuddered as he recalled a series of bizarre tests done when he had officially joined the Order as an exorcist that had never really been explained to him. Maria's haunting words in San Francisco came back to him with frightening clarity.

Could the Order really not be trusted? Were they seriously on their own?

From the sound of it, the Vatican was just as bad as the Millennium Earl. What the hell was this holy war about? Weren't they supposed to be saving lives here?

He hated this, this gray area. Whatever happened to the Earl being bad and the Order being good? He supposed that if Neah could break that rule then the same could be said for the Order. But that didn't make it any less upsetting. He frowned, so they really were alone. Now what?

Convincing Aiden's dad to let him join the Order was ridiculously easy. All they had to say was that it was a religious organization and they had his thanks, his blessing and Aiden's bags. The man's worn and haggard face, so much like his dad's later in life, grinned brightly as he held his son. He promised that he would visit after he helped some poor lost souls in Tanzania. Cross smiled.

Maybe he'd be able to find his way or maybe he'd lose himself in his misery and end up in the ground like Gabriel Cross. But as they walked away, Aiden solemnly waved to his father, Cross thought maybe the bond between them would be able to save both father and son.

Retrieving their bags, they sat at the train station and waited for the one that would take them home. The damn boy kept worrying over Lani, who bashfully brushed off his fussing.

The train of course arrived late, but that didn't matter, it was here now and Cross was planning on sleeping all the way home. The kids chatted excitedly of their plans at the Order, he smirked, Master was certainly going to have his hands full with these two running around.

The train lurched forward empty except for them seeing as the festival was later that night. He was too tired to deal with all that crap; he just wanted to leave as soon as possible. He lay back in his seat and sighed, Lizzy should be finishing up soon as well and they had a lot of things to discuss.

The kids suddenly screamed as the train bounced unnaturally. Wide awake, Cross looked around for the source of the disturbance. The sound of peeling metal was heard as the roof of the train was skinned like an orange. A large and ugly level two Akuma dropped in. Lani gasped and Aiden hovered protectively in front of her. The demon smirked viciously.

"Exorcists! Give me your Innocence and I will make your deaths quick. You do not want to face the fearsome power of Nazumi!" The Akuma whipped its long tendril arms around, destroying the interior of the train, trying to frighten them with his power. _What the hell is going on?_ Cross thought with irritation.

Well fuck this.

While the Akuma was still trying to intimidate them, Cross pulled out Judgment and shot it point blank. The Akuma exploded and Cross sat down hoping they could just keep moving.

Unfortunately, the train had been rendered unsafe for travel and they would have to wait until the next train could arrive tomorrow. Cross moaned, couldn't he catch a break?

The kids looked up at him with wide, innocent eyes.

"Oh well since we're here Cross, we should check out the festival." "It'd be a shame to miss out on such a cultural experience." Muttering some unrepeatable words he should not be using in the presence of children, Cross shoved them off into the crowd and told them to not die.

Lani coughed and proclaimed herself fine before racing into the brightly lit town. Cross flopped on a bench, rubbing his aching head. When the children returned a few minutes later to see if he wanted to watch the fireworks with them, they discovered him fast asleep on the bench. Leaving her small coat on him as a blanket, the kids left him alone to watch the fireworks.

He deserved a little rest after all.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Lizzy gazed fearfully up at the giant wolf, her reflection glinting back at her as it bounced of its massive, white teeth. Lizzy gripped her pistols, but the problem was Marilee, she was in the way and Lizzy really didn't feel like bringing her back full of bullet holes.

The best thing was for her to get some distance and try to shoot the beast from the back. She slowly backed up, hoping the wolf would let her leave so long as she didn't threaten him. She got about six centimeters back before the wolf growled ferociously, Lizzy stopped and held herself.

Holy shit, she was going to be mauled by a fucking wolf a few kilometers from town and about a million from her friends. She didn't want to die alone.

The wolf suddenly ceased it's growling and cocked its head, as though sensing her fear. It gently set Marilee down and walked closer to her. Lizzy readied her weapons, but something told her not to fire. She waited an instant and soon the wolf was hovering over her. It ignored her pistols still trained on it and began nuzzling her shoulder.

Her shoulders relaxed and her arms dropped against her will, was it…was it purring? It felt… really good, she felt so relaxed, so calm. All of a sudden, nothing really mattered, not the war or the Earl or anything, just the moon stroking her exposed neck and the warmth of the wolf. Her eyelids sagged and blissful sleep overwhelmed her.

Fluttering her eyes open idly some time later, Lizzy first registered that she was physically and emotionally comfortable.

She was somewhere warm, she thought, as she rolled over and came in contact with another human body, it was Marilee.

The events in the forest caught up to her and the lethargy faded away, she gave her young charge a quick once over and was relieved to see that she was alright. Her peaceful expression and deep breathing indicated that the worst damage she suffered was sleeping on the job.

Lizzy cautiously sat up and scanned the room. It was a cave, but it was full of blankets and all the other comforts of home. There were about eight or nine people in there with them, most likely the wolf's previous victims. All were asleep but for an adolescent girl who sat stoking the fire in the middle of the cave. She looked up at Lizzy. The girl titled her head, causing a shower of blonde to rain down her back.

"Sheila's gone, the wolf, I mean. She should be back sometime before daybreak." Lizzy stretched her shoulders and made her way over to the mysterious girl. She didn't seem like she was being held captive, she actually seemed pretty content sitting there by the fire.

"Are you alright, what's going on?" Lizzy asked as she sat across from her. The girl smiled and tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear.

"Just what it looks like. Everyone is sleeping comfortably; I woke up around the time Sheila brought you and that other girl in so I decided to keep the fire going." She said calmly. "That's a funny looking coat you have there, are you the police or something?" she asked eyeing Lizzy's uniform. What was up with this girl? Her voice was light and her eyes were steady and piercing.

"Um no, I'm from the Vatican, I, um we were sent to find out what happened to you, all of you." Lizzy stumbled; the evenness of the girl's tone was unnerving. Wasn't she supposed to be abducted? The girl smirked as the fire sparked suddenly illuminating her pretty face, the resemblance was uncanny.

"You're Bethany aren't you? I ran into your mother, she misses you terribly."

"The Church? No wonder you know Mother, I can just see her zealously praying at my bedside. You know, Sheila doesn't take just anyone. Most people she just runs off, she only takes people she feels are special, people who are outsiders." She dropped her gaze to the fire.

"I never fit in here; I just couldn't understand how everyone could be content to live and die within a five kilometer radius. I mean, was it such a sin to want to get out of this place? All I would ever hear from Mother was 'be thankful for all the Lord has given you' and 'The Lord sustains the humble, but casts the wicked to the ground.' God, I got so tired of being told I should be satisfied with a small town life." She stoked the fire with a frustrated sigh.

"I went for a walk after a fight with Mother and I came across Sheila, that's what I named her. I was scared at first but, I don't really know how to explain it, but she called to me. The next thing I knew, I woke up here in this cave." Bethany sighed and leaned back from the fire covering her in shadow.

"The little kids think we can stay here forever and the adults are too afraid to leave, but I know the truth. Sheila is just trying to protect us, she saw how all of us didn't work in our community and she took us here. She's going about it the wrong way, but I feel safe out here, I'm not getting yelled at or being told I'm too presumptuous." Lizzy looked at the girl and all the others around her. She was right, despite the fact that they had been kidnapped by a giant wolf; the atmosphere was calm and nurturing.

"Look, I know you can't always work things out with people, but you can't hide in here forever. The people in town are scared and they miss you. Sheila, I mean, this wolf can't give you a new life. Only by standing up for yourself and doing what you want you escape this cycle. Why don't you stop running away and try actually talking to your mother?" Bethany looked at her before laughing softly.

"Maybe you're right; maybe I've been afraid this whole time, too afraid to actually follow my dreams and leave. Thank you, I might try that when I get home. No one's tried to escape yet, I'm not sure if she'll even let us go." A thundering boom caught their attention. Marilee bolted out of sleep and looked around while a few of the others rubbed their eyes and woke up.

"What was that?" Bethany asked, walking to the entrance of the cave; many more bangs caught their attention. Lizzy drew her weapons and Bethany raised her eyebrows in astonishment.

"No, they're gunshots, shotguns by the sound of it. Marilee, we're going to check it out, Bethany, you stay and keep these people here." Marilee staggered to her feet and grabbed her Innocence whip.

"I thought you were a priest? Who on Earth are you people?" Bethany asked following them outside of the cave, Lizzy smirked and jumped from the cave and ran off with Marilee to the site of the shootings. "Don't let them hurt her! Don't let them hurt Sheila!"

"What happened Lizzy?" Marilee asked they ran towards the sound of gunfire. Lizzy shook her head, indicating that she would explain later. A deafening howl slowed them as they reached the outskirts of the forest. Sheila stood just outside the forest growling menacingly as she was surrounded by about ten men, each armed with a weapon. Sheila crouched, ready to attack if threatened.

"Give me back my daughter you beast." A large man shouted, aiming his weapon at the wolf. "We won't have you kidnapping anymore people and destroying anymore families." Lizzy ran down between the two with Marilee hesitantly following her.

She drew her pistols, one aimed at the understandably angry townsfolk and the other at the caring kidnapper. She honestly didn't know who at fault here.

"Alright everybody calm down. We are professionals here; there's no need to shoot anyone." The man balked incredulously, it never failed to piss her off when men sneered at her and her pistol skills.

Was it so hard to believe a lady like herself could do a man's job and do it twice as good?

"Look here little lady, those are killing machines you have there in your hand, you want to be mighty careful with those-" Said the large man stepping forward gently, she trained her weapon on him.

"I'll gladly demonstrate how well I can shoot. My partner and I represent the Vatican. This wolf has been in contact with a foreign substance causing it to behave abnormally. Your families are safe, they will be returned as soon as the wolf is dealt with properly." She said trying to sound as authoritative as possible. A few of the men lowered their weapons, but many more tensed further. Men hating having women tell them what to do; they couldn't stand having their precious power questioned.

"Well what if I don't believe you? The Church has never done anything for me before, so why now? All I know is this beast is taking people and I'm aiming to stop it." The first man said pointing his gun at the wolf, she snarled and hunched over, preparing to defend herself.

A shout stole their attention. It was Bethany, her clothes were ripped and dirty and she was panting, she obviously wasn't as quick or light-footed as the exorcists. She ran into the clearing, her wide, blue eyes beseeching the men.

"Father, please don't hurt her, please don't hurt Sheila. I'll come home; j-just please don't hurt her. She was just trying to help me, to help all of us." Bethany said, running toward the wolf.

Sheila whined as Bethany threw herself at the wolf and hugged her massive paws. Sheila leaned down and snuggled with her. "I won't let them hurt you, just please, don't hurt them." Lizzy heard Bethany whisper softly into the thick fur; Sheila licked her face in understanding.

"Bethany, get back here right now. Get away from that monster, your poor mother has been worried sick. I'm tired of all your independent fancies, so stop being a child and start acting like a grown woman." The man yelled raising his weapon.

Bethany buried herself deeper into Sheila's fur, protesting and shouting all the while.

"So help me, I will shoot that beast and if you get hit, it will be your own damn fault." He said, breathing heavily as he aimed. Marilee scowled and stomped over to the man.

"Sexist bastard! Who the hell do you think you are ordering her around? You're the reason she ran off with the stupid animal in the first place. Now put that thing down and talk like a civilized human being."

Lizzy reached out to stop her seeing the disaster before it happened. Alas, Marilee's naivety had finally caught up to her. She jerked up the barrel of the shotgun up to the sky; the man was so shocked by her actions, he accidently squeezed the trigger.

Marilee blanched as the wolf yelped in pain and Bethany screamed, it echoed agonizingly through the trees. The man threw his weapon to the ground and rushed over to his daughter.

"Bethany! Bethany! Are you all right? Honey! Bethany!" Marilee stood there and slowly fell to her knees; she put her fist to her mouth as she tried to comprehend the consequences of her actions.

"Daddy! Daddy, you shot her, oh daddy she's bleeding, she's bleeding daddy, please help her." Lizzy swallowed a lump in her throat; she had seen the whole thing.

The shot had been heading straight for Bethany, but Sheila had maneuvered herself to block the blow. Her father leaned down and lovingly kissed her hair before turning his attention to the wounded animal.

He turned and ordered the remaining men to fetch a doctor. Sheila huffed in pain; Bethany stroked her fur as her tears colored the ground. The animals weakly licked her hand, trying to reassure her. Blood poured onto the ground as Bethany furiously ripped up her dress to form bandages, but it was too late.

Sheila glowed and decreased in size and from her fatal wound came the glowing Innocence. Bethany shakily picked it up as Sheila drew her last breath, Bethany cried righteously into the sky.

The others in the cave were retrieved and taken back into town. One of the older men carried the dead wolf into town while Bethany clung snugly to her father as he stroked her and told her that he loved her.

Lizzy walked up to where Marilee still sat on the ground, Lizzy sighed and sat next to her. Marilee stared at her hands, horrified at the death they had unwittingly caused. Lizzy knew the feeling well.

"You remember Cross? That 'hunky' guy you girls hate me so much for being friends with? Well, we used to hate each other. A lot. On our first mission together, we fought and argued the entire time." Lizzy chuckled sadly; Marilee didn't move, but Lizzy could tell she was listening attentively.

"We found the Innocence, a parasitic girl named…named Rachel. She um…she was about nine. She was so sweet; she held our hands telling us how she wanted to get stronger so she could help people. An-an Akuma attacked, Cross and I pushed her to the side so we could fight it. God, we shouldn't have left her alone like that, but-but the Akuma got her and in the end…in the end-" Lizzy struggled to maintain her composure, talking about Rachel never failed to bring her to tears, Marilee looked over at her.

Lizzy bowed her head in shame as tears escaped her stubborn eyes. "I regret losing her every day of my life, it's something that never leaves you. This won't leave you either, but you can use this to become a better person, to learn from your mistakes and ensure that it is never repeated." She reached over and slowly patted Marilee's hand before standing up.

She turned around and spoke as firmly as possible. She couldn't have this girl thinking she was weak.

Bitch had to know who was boss after all.

"Now then, we just need to finish up here and then we can return home with this." She said, unfolding her other hand revealing the Innocence. Before Bethany left with her father, she had tearfully handed Lizzy the glowing gadget with the promise that it be used to help others, just as Shelia would have liked. Marilee smiled and stood up following her back into town.

She walked just behind Lizzy this time not out of spite, but out of respect.

She never once mentioned the way her mentor hastily wiped her eyes walking back into town, the sun rising against their backs.

**DGMDGMDGM**

The morning came quickly. All the people kidnapped were deemed in perfect health and returned to their homes and loved ones. Everyone reassured their families that Sheila had never intended to hurt them, but had sought to protect them from what she had perceived as threats.

Sheila was lovingly buried just outside the town square; Bethany sat and cried the whole time with her parents gently soothing her. Brushing off the thanks of the villagers, the girls made their way to the train station with the Innocence in hand. Marilee cracked her neck uncomfortably.

"Damn that fucking wolf, my neck is killing me. How the hell did Beth sleep like that for a week?" Lizzy rolled her eyes, something's she supposed never changed.

"Just be glad you're even alive. That wolf had you firmly between its teeth; it wouldn't have been too hard to crunch you in half, probably would have been better too." Marilee glowered and played with her short, blonde hair in irritation. The distant whistle of the train was heard and the two were relieved, finally they could go home. Hopefully Cross would be back as well.

"Wait, you can't leave without me!" They turned and were surprised to see Bethany running up to them with a large suitcase in hand. She reached them panting. "You're not going to leave me behind." She said, setting down her heavy suitcase. Lizzy smiled, it looked like something good came out of this after all. Maybe now Bethany could live her life as she wished while still appreciating her small hometown.

"So where are you of to? Paris? Johannesburg?" Lizzy questioned, Bethany grinned widely.

"Maybe someday, but I want to start with Quebec. I want to study at a university and do something meaningful with my life. I was thinking maybe working with animals." Her braided hair twirled in the wind. Lizzy's mind recalled Rachel smiling up at her in a similar way.

"_I just want to make sure everybody's happy, no matter how many legs they walk on."_ The train stopped and the three of them boarded.

Bethany paused for a minute to observe the only home she'd ever known before following them onto the train. It was always hard to try something new and to step into the bigger world. Marilee frowned as she eyed the simple frock Bethany wore as the young girl sat across from them.

The train began to move forward, onwards to the future.

"I do hope you're planning on changing clothes before you reach Quebec, because that dress screams small town milkmaid."

Lizzy rolled her eyes for the millionth time; she never thought she'd miss testosterone so much.

* * *

_And you, of tender years,_

_Can't know the fears that your elders grew by,_

_And so please help them with your youth,_

_They seek the truth before they can die. ~ Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young_

* * *

Ug. I had about five minutes free time yesterday, I'm so tired and tomorrow's gonna be even longer. Anyways... this was not supposed to be this long, by any stretch of the imagination, and yet it's one of my favorite chapters. this was supposed to be short and sweet, showing how Lizzy and Cross had developed as individuals away from each other. But those damn girls... I liked Lani from the moment I created her, not only for her sweetness, but for her role as a handy plot device in introducing Leverrier. Marilee, I wanted to make her unlikable all the way through, but in the end, I still ended up liking her. I kind of let this one run away from me as far as length, it's, thus far, the longest chapter, but I love it so. And keep an eye out for Lani and Marilee as they'll pop up once or twice more before this story is through.

(1) the Sylvester Method- Precursor to CPR. I know Lenelee mentioned using it in DGM, but it wasn't really practiced during that period, so I choose historical accuracy over what Hoshino says. Sorry!

_Teach your Children_ (c) is the property of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young :)


	6. Take it Easy

_Disclaimer: I do not own any part of D. Gray-man nor any of its characters. I can only close my eyes and quietly play dress up with said characters in my head and hope I'm not desecrating Hoshino Katsura's work too much._

For those of you who care, Author's Notes will be at the end of every chapter and any and all questions will be gleefully answered if asked.

* * *

_T__ake it easy, take it easy_

_Don't let the sound of your own wheels, drive you crazy_

_Lighten up while you still can, don't even try to understand_

_Just find a place to make your stand_

_And take it easy_.

* * *

Maria sighed as she mentally prepared herself. It was stupid and would most assuredly be painful, but sacrifices had to be made in these tough times. Firming her resolve, she punched the wall as hard as she could. "Ow! Goddammit fucking hell! Stupid motherfucking-" she said, gripping her hand. tears formed in the corner of her eyes, but she willed them away.

This is nothing, nothing at all compared to what the active exorcists go through, so suck it up.

Taking a deep breath, she tenderly moved her fingers and was relived to discover that none of them were broken. A noise behind her caught her attention and she grinned, she pitied the poor soul who tried to sneak up on her. Quickly turning, she performed a perfect roundhouse kick that was intended to miss the person, but just barely.

She realized all too late that the kick was aimed directly for the unhappy person's face.

Neah flinched and reacted without thinking. He put a hand up and caught Maria's foot half a centimeter from his face. Maria winced as the force of her kick rebounded back on herself, Neah didn't react at all, it was as if he had caught a beach ball. The awkward position caused Maria to lose her balance; Neah tried to steady her, but only ended up tumbling down with her.

"Ow Neah, what the hell are you doing here?" Maria barked, slowly turning her aching ankle, that was sure to leave a brilliant bruise. Though he looked pretty scrawny, Neah was still a Noah and therefore, had the innate physical advantages that came with it. He usually kept it in check when he was around them, but even he couldn't control his reflexes.

That's why she was spending all her free time in the gym, to get stronger.

Neah rubbed his head and helped Maria off the floor.

"What no apology? No, 'sorry I almost took your head off Neah?' Just a cold, 'what are you doing here'? Is that what they teach you here in America?" he said with a light smile, completely forgetting the incident. She glowered; he didn't even have the decency to pretend her kick was at all threatening. He tilted his head sensing her frustration, but still not understanding.

He really didn't get it.

She growled and threw a weighty punch at him; he ducked out of the way and appeared behind her. "Whoa, Maria whatever I did I'm sure we can talk it out. Don't wear yourself out over this." Neah failed to realize he was only further angering her.

She turned and executed a textbook perfect axe kick which he easily dodged; she ignored the pain as her heel dug harshly into the concrete floor and instead spun and redirected her energy into an elbow jab. The closest she got to him was brushing his shirt.

"Come on Maria, please do we have to fight?" Neah asked, holding his hands up. Maria paused and wondered why was she doing this?

Poor Neah was only guilty of acting in poor taste; he certainly didn't deserve this level of attack. But perchance that was why she was so pissed off; she was throwing all eighty kilograms of herself at him and he was dodging her like she was a freaking butterfly.

Everyone else could fight but her, if she couldn't land a hit on sweet Neah, how did she expect to make a difference out there against the Earl and the other Noah?

She threw another weighty punch and immediately dropped down into a sweep kick. Neah managed to dodge the punch, but hadn't enough time to fully avoid her foot. She brushed him, not enough to take him down, but enough to make him lose balance and stumble backwards.

He frowned, furrowing his brow as he began to lose his patience.

"Do you want to hit me? Is that it? Well fine hit me!" he steadied himself and held his arms out wide leaving him completely open. Her blood boiled, was he arrogant enough that he believed he could take one of her hits so easily?

She sneered and gave him a hard punch in the stomach; she felt the breath rush out of him as his knees buckled. But she wasn't done yet; she brought her thick skull down upon him and gave him a hard head butt onto his forehead. He fell limply to the ground.

She gasped for breath and batted away the stray beads of gathering sweat; it had been awhile since she'd worked out like that. As the bloodlust faded from her vision, she observed Neah struggle to his knees. Clutching his stomach he glared up at her; the area where she'd hit his head bled a little, causing a small rivulet of red to trail down between his eyes.

"Well, is whatever issue you have with me resolved? Do you feel better now that you've beaten me up?" Maria sighed harshly and sank next to him. She gazed wearily around the extravagant gym. No matter how big and beautiful it was, it still couldn't help her.

"Don't lie; I couldn't land a punch on you until you stood still. Even then, you're not at all fazed when I punch you with all my might." She rubbed her arms as Neah cautiously scooted next to her.

"I'm- I'm just sick of being the weak link of our group. Cross and Lizzy are active exorcists out fighting every day. They're in the best possible shape a human being can be and they can actually save people. And you, well shit, you're super human. I throw my entire weight into an attack and you catch it like it's a softball." She sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

"I can't do anything but be the bouncy moral support. In a fight I'm virtually worthless, more so if I get in the way of something. I just-I just want to be helpful, I want to work hard and get strong like you guys so that I can save people too." Neah smile and leaned against her shoulder though, being so unusually tall for a girl, he only reached her upper forearm.

"That's why you attacked me? I thought I had said something wrong. I'm not used to hanging out with girls quite yet." He said, rubbing his neck. Maria smirked; leave it to Neah to try and blame another person's problems on himself. What a sweet boy.

"Yeah, um sorry about that, you were the unfortunate victim of my venting. Lucky for both of us you're more durable than most." She said, trying to buoy the mood again. There was no need for Neah or the others to worry about this, the least she could do for them was to act unobtrusive.

"Hey I'm impressed, I couldn't have dodged you so easily without my Inner Noah and you would've cracked anyone else's skull with that head butt. What is that thing made of? Brick?" she chuckled and gave her skull a light knock.

"Steel actually," the smile gradually fell and she stared at the ground. They lapsed into an awkward silence before Neah spoke again, leaning more into her arm.

"Well I, for one, thought you were great, I pity any man who goes up against you." He said cheerfully, rolling his eyes up toward her so she could see his sincerity. Maria huffed and looked away.

"It's just-I'm not strong enough, I'm not a good enough exorcist to protect the people I need to. The first day we met, you had to save me and the base. It's just, I want to get better so I can save people too and do something good for our little group." Neah chuckled a little below her.

She started to get up, but Neah's weight kept her in place. She looked down at him to tell him to move, but instead caught his eyes looking up at her intently.

"I hope you realize none of us see you that way. You're not a fighter like Lizzy and Cross are, not because you are weak or anything, but because you're meant for something special. Don't you see Maria, you're not meant to fight, to take lives, you're meant to save them." She looked down at him as he tore his eyes away from her to stare at the opposite wall.

"Your Innocence is… amazing, I mean, to make a shield like that to protect people, it's pretty awesome. Most exorcists can only be on the offensive, to try and save lives by killing the enemy. But you're specifically built to defend, and that is just as, if not more, important than destroying Akuma. So please, don't ever say you're useless or that we don't need you, because we care for you Maria and we don't like seeing you like this." She sat there in silence, she had never thought of it that way.

She'd always seen her Innocence as substandard, as a neat parlor trick but not really practical for battle.

Maybe she needed to stop trying change her Innocence and start trying to develop it for what it was. It seemed even years later she hadn't really understood the true purpose of her Innocence and it had taken a Noah to make her see that. The thought made her smile.

"Now that's what I like to see, now, I believe an apology is due." he said, patting her knee. She turned to him a manic glint in her eye. He quickly wrenched himself away and scratched his cheek.

"You know, on second thought, it was all my fault, you have nothing to apologize for, my bad, sorry!"

The grin spread, this was too good an opportunity to pass up. Exorcists walking outside in the halls ignored the shouts and screams coming from the gymnasium. Whoever had captured Maria's attention probably deserved it anyway.

What a silly, but ever so loving, Branch Guardian they had here.

**DGMDGMDGM**

As they walked out of the gym together, Neah grimly tried to wipe the lipstick marks from his face and shirt. Why was it always him that suffered? Maria bounced merrily, once again back to her chipper self. It was made Neah sad to see her so upset; Maria just wasn't herself when she wasn't smiling.

And how could she ever believe she was useless?

Neah was actually quite jealous of her abilities. To be an exorcist, to be someone who was destined to save people and destroy the darkness, how he wished he could help people like that. These amazing, wonderful, brilliant people were doing something incredible every day and they didn't even realize it.

It was partially why he had come here in the first place, Denis had gotten clingy and Daniel had launched into a long narrative about how his God, the Millennium Earl, would strike down his enemies and rule victorious. He hadn't been sure who to kill first, the Noah or himself.

So with Lizzy and Cross still on their missions, he thought he'd go over and see Maria and remind himself that not everyone in the world was a raving psychopath. To think she would undermine her gift so…

"Are you hungry Biscuit? Cause I sure am! Nothing works up an appetite like beating up pretty young boys." Neah stopped; she turned and looked at him with large olive eyes.

Maria's lamentations only served to remind him of what constantly loomed over them.

No one talked about it, but they were all thinking about it, The Earl and the Noah, the enormous fight that would ensue. How many people would die? How many of his friends would he have to lose? Or would he fall before he even knew that sort of pain?

No matter what Maria said, _none_ of them were prepared for what was coming.

Would they ever really be ready to fight to the death like that? To participate in a history-making battle that would determine the fate of the world? Dammit, how could anyone prepare for that?

"Is something wrong Neah?" He looked up, Maria stood over him, biting her bottom lip anxiously. This wasn't something to fret over now, prepared or not, the war was speeding toward them like a juggernaut.

They simply had to be ready, or they would die. It was as easy as that. He smiled breezily.

"Y-yeah, I'm fine, just spaced out for a minute. And uh… can you not call me Biscuit? It's kind of demeaning and embarrassing." She grinned broadly, her cheer once again restored.

"But Biscuit is so adorable! And you deserve an adorable name because you yourself are so freaking adorable. Now come on, let's see what Larry has for lunch today!" She grabbed his hand and together they raced down the lengthy hallway. He stumbled trying to keep his balance. Maria was always the person to go to if you needed a little cheering up, so long as you didn't mind a little molestation.

As she kicked in the doors to the cafeteria, Neah thought again how lucky he was. He never felt this sort of kinship with his fellow Noah and none of them would ever open up to him the way she did.

It felt really nice to belong; to have a family. It was worth it, worth betraying The Earl and living two lives. He just hoped he could play this complicated song a little longer, one wrong key and the curtain would fall and concert would be over… for all of them.

**DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM**

Lizzy sighed happily, _now this was the way to live_, she thought. On one of their few days off, Lizzy and Cross dragged Neah into downtown London for a little shopping and relaxation. She wore a simple forest green dress that fluttered oh so pleasantly in the breeze.

It had none of the frills she used to wear as a child and she gleefully left her bustle and bodice back when she left Pembourn for the Order.

She brushed away such unpleasant memories and continued her stroll with a boy on each arm.

She smirked as she noted the harried, old ladies watching them and whispering how indecent it was for a young lady to be clinging to the arms of, not one, but two men. Yes, she was scandalous, shocking and shameful and she really didn't give a damn.

She had at one point, but her friends had taught her better.

She was rather enjoying this; though she loved the freedom of her exorcist's uniform- Mother would positively die if she saw her youngest daughter expose her legs so- there was just something about being in a dress. She felt like a lady for the first time in a very long time in her impractical satin slippers and matching green bonnet.

Neah was nattily dressed as always in a nicely pressed collared shirt under a grey waistcoat with a black morning coat and trousers. Cross, on the other hand, was never one for fashion and wore a wrinkled cotton shirt with corduroy pants and a cloth cap.

Poor Maria had desperately wanted to come, but as a Branch Guardian she had different responsibilities, which included almost never leaving the base in case of an Akuma attack.

Lizzy and Cross were buying as many little essentials as possible. They only got out of the Order every so often, this was the time they reacquainted themselves with the real world and bought books, newspapers and various trinkets to starve off the terrible isolation their sheltered lives brought.

"Hey, did you know someone tried to assassinate the Queen last March?" Cross said, flipping through a newspaper over lunch. Lizzy looked up in surprise, almost spilling her tea.

"Really? Holy shit what else have we missed?" Exorcists were so busy dealing with Akuma, the Earl and just the Order in general. Really, the outside world ceased to exist except for the occasional mission. The rest of their life was spent between hollow walls and rose crosses.

"Since you had a day off? Well, there was a new invention called the wheel and let me tell you it is a fascinating-" Lizzy elbowed Neah as he laughed, though he wasn't that far from the truth.

The last time she came into downtown London like this, she had been buying ribbons for her hair.

She giggled at the memory and stared out the window of the café they sat at. She came to attention as she observed a familiar silhouette across the street. She stood up quickly, causing Cross and Neah to jolt in alarm searching for whatever had alerted her.

"Lizzy are you alright, what do you see? Is it an Akuma?" Cross asked instinctually reaching for his Innocence, no force on earth could remove Judgment from his side, just as Crime and Punishment were discreetly hidden under her dress.

Lady or not, she was still an exorcist after all and Akuma had no vacations.

She ran out of the café and into the busy London street where she barely avoided being hit by a speeding carriage, she ignored the angry looks people gave her as she pushed her way through the crowd. She waved her arms at the slowly retreating figure.

"Jane! Jane! Stop, wait its Lizzy! Jane!" the figure stopped and turned revealing a soft white face with warm chocolate eyes. She pushed a strand of wispy light blonde hair from her face as she stared.

"Lizzy, Lizzy dear is that really you?" She stepped forward and for the first time in over a year, the two sisters embraced as the London crowd streamed around them.

Jane Logan pulled back and lovingly ran her eyes over her little sister. "Oh Lizzy you've grown so beautiful since the last time I saw you, I have missed you so very much" she said lovingly, planting a soft kiss on her sister's forehead. The quiet moment was broken as Cross and Neah rushed over to the girls.

"Lizzy, what the hell, are you alright?" Cross asked, he eyed the older woman suspiciously, his hand twitching toward his hidden holster. Lizzy caught his hand and grinned widely.

"Yes, I'm fine, better than fine actually. Marian Cross, Neah Walker, I'd like to introduce you to my friend, my confident and the only sister I ever truly loved, Jane Logan."

They reconvened back at their little café, now significantly emptier than when they had arrived. Cross and Neah shifted uncomfortably, feeling desperately out of place as the girls sat together hand in hand as they caught up. The boys tried to excuse themselves several times to give the girls their privacy, but Lizzy would not hear of it.

She couldn't believe this was actually happening and refused to take her eyes off of her sister, as if she would disappear the next time she blinked. The boys just sat back and the enjoyed the beautiful and delighted smile on their friend's face.

It made them realize just how long it had been since she had smiled like that.

"So Mother and Father are well? And how are Lydie and Cathy?" Lizzy questioned. Jane smiled as her dainty, white hands stroked her sister's tan, calloused ones.

"Well would you believe it, Lydia just got married last spring. She's now Mrs. Lydia Williams. She married George Williams, the indigo planter's son. He's wealthy and young, but not particularly affectionate to Lydia. He just orders her around and goes back to his pipe and paper and well you know Lydie, she doesn't really mind as long she gets her pocket money." Lizzy widened her eyes.

Loathsome Lydie? The thought of her shrill laugh still made Lizzy's skin crawl. Her eldest sister was arrogant and flirty, the perfect example of what a high class woman should be. Her parents' favorite.

"Who the hell would want to marry Lydia? She's a fickle self-seeking bitch." It was now Jane's turn to act surprised as a hand flew to her mouth, so stunned was she by her baby sister's language.

Surely this wasn't the same Lizzy who wore twin tails until she was thirteen and had wanted to be a dancer?

Lizzy grinned apologetically; she had temporarily forgotten that in high-class society a proper young lady did not go around using such vulgar language. One of the many things she had come to love about the Order. There are just something's that just can't be conveyed in polite language.

"Sorry, it's just something you pick up at the Order. It's a harsh life and sometimes you need equally harsh words just to live in it." Jane smiled sadly as she resumed patting her sister's hand, gently running her thumb over the various cuts and blemishes covering Lizzy's once pristine hands.

"Please dear, tell me about this Black Order, I've been so curious about this scary and mysterious organization that took my little sister away and turned her into a hardened warrior." Lizzy sighed and broke eye contact, staring at a place just above Jane's shoulder. Where to begin?

"It's a cold, dark place. We do nothing but train to kill demons and go out on perilous and exhausting missions. It's never-ending, nonprofit, backbreaking work, but at the end of the day, it's fulfilling. I feel like…like I'm doing something meaningful with my life for the first time ever."

She looked over at the boys and grabbed Neah's hand. "And the friends I've made there are more than someone like me deserves, I fight for the Order because I want to save the people I love and even the ones I don't." Jane smiled and stroked Lizzy fine hair.

"Oh Eliza you may have gotten a little rough around the edges, but you're just as kindhearted and loving as I remember. I'm glad, I'm so glad." She squeezed her eyes shut and tightly gripped Lizzy's hand.

"I-I could never forgive myself if I had allowed you to become cruel and bitter for letting them take you. Father told me that I should… should forget about you, but I just couldn't. I just missed you so much and I-I-" Tears welled in her eyes and she turned and dabbed them lightly with a silken handkerchief. Lizzy sighed and brought Jane's free hand up to her cheek and nuzzled in its smoothness.

"Jane, sweet Jane, it's not your fault. There was nothing that could be done, it was… it was better that I left." Jane sighed sadly and moved her thumb gently along Lizzy's cheek.

Cross and Neah raised their eyebrows, trying to understand what was going on. But they kept quiet and just settled for shifting awkwardly in their seats again at the open display of affection. If Lizzy wanted them to know she would tell them, until then, they could wait.

"You're doing so well and I just want you to know, little sister, that I am so proud of you." Lizzy smiled brightly as her sister's opinion meant so much to her.

They talked longer still about this and that, the latest gossip and the latest romantic serial and even a little more about the Order. The time had simply flown away and Jane was expected back at Pembourn and Neah needed to head back to Edo as well. The four stood comfortably outside the town limits waiting for the Logan carriage. Jane suddenly gasped.

"Oh dear! Eliza, I'm so sorry, but I believe I left a package in the café, would it be too much trouble to run back and grab it for me. I would go, but you always were the fast one." Lizzy nodded and slipping off her useless slippers, sprinted back into town at an incredible pace.

Once she was out of sight, Jane turned to the two boys with a kind, but appraising, look.

"I do hope you realize how much she cares for you gentlemen and therefore I beg of you be careful with her heart. It has been bruised far too much in one lifetime." Cross and Neah nodded earnestly, they would never hurt Lizzy, but silently asked for a little clarification of the topic the girls had skirted around all afternoon. Jane sighed sadly and dropped her head, allowing the shadows to cover her face.

"Lizzy was never the family favorite. She was bold and independent and so unlike everything a proper young lady should be, or at least what Mother said a lady should be. Mother and Father treated it as something she would grow out of and then marry her off to some rich man's son."

The boys frowned, not liking the idea of Lizzy being married to a man who couldn't take care of her... Any further thoughts on the subject were interrupted by Jane.

"Well, it really started, or ended for that matter, one day at a party. Those demons, Akuma, attacked and those men in black coats came. Lizzy saved our friend, Charlotte from being killed. The men told her that she was an exorcist, destined forever to fight those horrible creatures." She stopped, taking a breath, bringing a white hand to her face lost in the memory.

"Lizzy was thrown out of the family and Father disowned her. I can still see him pushing her out into the streets and into the arms of the exorcists, telling her to never return. He had told proper society that Lizzy was ill and would be traveling indefinitely." She explained quietly.

The boys made no comment as she wiped her cheeks.

Cross looked down to his hands, remembering his conversation with Lizzy in the training room. How could she have been so understanding when his situation was pittance to hers? Sure his dad had beaten him every now and then, but to be outright abandoned, to be hated by your own family?

Neah was feeling a familiar ache in his heart. His parents had virtually abandoned him as well. He thought of how loving she was and thought maybe she was just trying to replace the family that had left her alone in a cruel world.

Jane stepped forward and placed a tender hand on each of their shoulders.

"Please, I'm entrusting you boys with the most important thing in the world, my little sister's happiness. She's already had her heart broken once; please don't make her suffer any more." An elegant carriage rode up and stopped in front of them.

"Now that I know how to contact her, I won't lose track of my Eliza again. Mother and Father have forbidden any interaction, but I won't tell if you won't." She said winking as she entered the carriage. Lizzy ran up panting as she leaned on her knees.

"I'm-I'm so -gasp- sorry Jane; there was-was no-nothing at our-gasp- table." Jane gingerly reached out and patted Lizzy's head and held up a bag in front of the window.

"I'm terribly sorry Eliza; you know how spotty I can be sometimes. I had it with me the whole time would you believe it? Now be good dear and please write to me every now and again. You know the address; just write under an assumed name, perhaps as a suitor. Mother would love that. I love you so much, bye dearest and don't forget to write." Giving her hand a quick squeeze the carriage drove off, leaving Lizzy waving zealously in the dust. Cross walked up next to her with an amused smile as they watched the carriage fade from view.

"You know, you and your sister have a lot in common." He said chuckling, but she wasn't listening and gripped her packages, sighing happily. This had truly been a good day. Neah stepped up next to her.

"You must be really glad to see her again." He said smiling as well. It reminded him that it had been a while since he had seen Mana. He should really do that soon, tonight perhaps if he had time.

"Yes, I'm glad, so glad that we've found each other again. I've missed her more than words can tell. But right now I want to go back home, back to where our family is." Cross smirked gently grabbing her hand.

"Crazy ass family you got there." She laughed as Neah opened the gate taking them back to the Black Order, back to their home.

**DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM**

"Lord Millennium, may I please be excused?" Neah asked with large pleading eyes.

He'd quickly learned that the best way to bullshit the Earl was to look as adorable as possible. Sometimes Rhode had it so easy. The Earl paused and delicately replaced his spoon in the ice cream dish as he folded his hands, turning to regard his youngest Noah. Neah pointedly did not squirm and kept up the smile.

"And may I ask where it is you must go, Neah pet, that you must leave our family dinner early?" Neah put on a brave face. He hated when the Earl was like this, the light cheery tone with the underlying sense of menace. The other Noah paused as well to observe the confrontation.

Even Edmund stopped his vengeful stabbing of the blameless ice cream and Saoirse quit flinging little chunks of strawberry at the ever enduring Shohei. The family had been psychotic as usual this evening and, under normal circumstances; he'd just sit here in quiet agony before retreating quickly to his room.

But tonight was special; tonight he had somewhere more important to be.

"Um well…" shit, he hated when they all stared at him, especially Denis, who sat there with an entertained expression of one watching a monkey try to dance.

Well dammit, grow a pair Neah, or you're going to be late.

"My brother, you know my brother Mana, he's been very sick lately. I got a letter from him a few days ago and he sounds pretty bad. I'm, well I'm getting worried about him; I would really like to stop by and see how he is doing. I'd like to be there before seven forty, if I'm not there, I'm sure he'll try and perform which will only exacerbate whatever he has." The Earl rested his chin on his hands.

The Earl had never been fond of Mana, he'd never liked how attached his favorite Noah was to a human.

It took a lot of begging on Neah's part just to keep Mana alive on the condition that the contact between them was extremely minimal. The fact that Neah wanted to leave the Earl's precious Friday night dinner to attend to his brother, his _human_ brother, was beyond bothersome.

"How sick is he? Surely even a foolish vagrant like he can take care of himself." Neah winced inwardly; the Earl had never openly insulted Mana before. "Besides, you know I don't like you contacting humans. Remember who your real family is my dear Noah." Neah nervously wrung his hands under the table; he was determined to show no fear to his patriarch.

The room was silent as the others anxiously hung on every word, wondering if Neah would value his life enough to shut up and bow his head in submission. He clenched his fists until his nails bit sorely into his skin. Summoning all his charm and grace, he smiled amiably at the Earl.

"I do Lord Millennium. I have one family composed of all the people I love; I would do absolutely anything for anyone in my family." Neah neglected to mention the fact that the Earl and his Noah were not included in this small, exclusive circle.

"Human or not, everyone I care for is a part of my family and each get one hundred percent of my love and my loyalty." The Earl widened his grin; the Earl leaned forward addressing Neah directly. Neah did not like the wicked look growing in his beady eyes.

"Would you even kill for your family my darling little Neah?" Neah grinned ambiguously.

"Anyone who threatens my family will feel the pain of their demise for generations to come." It was true, staring at each other in the eyes; Neah highlighted his resolve to destroy any who hurt his family.

Somewhere at the end of the table, Denis and a few others laughed soundlessly at the thought of quiet, little Neah hurting anybody. Let them laugh, he'd show them one day… just not today. The Earl merely grinned wider and patted Neah's shoulder; he resisted the urge to shudder.

"Alright pet, your human brother needs your attention more than we do. You're a good child; I look forward to fighting by your side on the Day of Judgment." Neah nodded his head in thanks and ignored his siblings giggling. They'd see soon enough how strong he really was.

"When that day comes, I'll be there fighting, and I'll do anything to protect those I love." With that Neah turned and walked towards the door, convincing the Earl had taken more time than he had anticipated. He'd have to change quickly or he'd be late.

Rhode turned around in her chair and planted a quick kiss on his cheek. She grinned up at him happily.

"I hope your brother gets better real soon, I miss you when you're not here." He playfully ruffled her hair and continued out of the dining room. The further he walked away, the wider the grin spread on his face. He even had to waste precious time to lean against the wall and laugh.

They had no idea, no fucking idea what he did in his spare time.

It was hilarious and terrifying at the same time. He let his skin fade, feeling his muscles relax for the first time in hours. Wearing his Noah skin was terribly uncomfortable, it itched and burned, like wearing an old, dirty sweater that didn't fit quite like it supposed to.

He stepped into his room and then, summoning a gate, stepped into his other room. He created this other piano room soon after his first encounter with Cross and Lizzy. In here, he kept all his memorabilia from his travels with his friends. It also was the only place he felt truly safe on this damned Ark.

Unbeknownst to the exorcists however, it also served a much more sinister purpose.

Having complete command of the Ark meant that Neah could reroute its power at any time; the other main piano would work, but could be overridden at any time by this one. When the Earl eventually discovered their plot, as he one day would, Neah wanted to make sure that bastard didn't have _his_ Ark.

He shook his head, dispelling such unpleasant thoughts as he hastily changed into his nice tailcoat. One of these days he would actually visit Mana again, but tonight he was an exorcist.

Combing his hair with his fingers, he opened a gate and stepped into European Headquarters.

He smiled as he walked down the hall, it may have a gloomy and depressing atmosphere, but it felt a lot more like home than Edo. Just around the corner and he should come across his real family waiting for him so they could together enjoy the exorcist's ball.

Or not.

Thirty minutes later, Neah was gratefully escorted to the ball's location. Apparently his skewed internal compass had taken him to the opposite side of Headquarters, near the dungeons. Luckily, a passing guard had found Neah weeping in a corner and helped him find his way back.

The faces of his friends when he found them showed that they were annoyed, but not at all surprised.

"How old are you? Five? Do I need to map out every step for you?" Cross asked, though his harsh gruff tone did not match his sophisticated dress. It wasn't often he saw them out of uniform, but Neah had to admit, his only male friend looked quite classy in his gracefully ruffled shirt with black trousers and coat accented with red. His normally stringy hair was combed and pulled back into a tail, though a few rebellious strands fell limply around his face.

Maria wore a busty amethyst dress. Its long sleeves clung to her well-toned arms before flaring out into lace. Her hips, which were considered large before, seemed enormous with the bustle and frilly underskirt. And Lizzy, Lizzy looked amazing in the simpler, but equally beautiful rosy, artistic dress.

It was much looser and less decorated than Maria's, but it hung elegantly on her sleek form. Her light chestnut hair was carefully braided and draped around her neck. She smiled and grabbed Neah's hands.

"Don't listen to him; we're just all glad you could make it. I know it was Friday dinner tonight, so I'm sure it took a while to sneak out early." Was it really possible for such an amazingly kind person to exist in such a beautiful body? He squeezed her hand back.

"It wasn't that bad. Besides, I wouldn't have missed this even if the Earl had forbidden me from leaving. You exorcists sure know how to party." As if responding to his words, a very tall and decidingly drunk exorcist he knew to be an upper level student named Froi Tiedoll, stumbled over and leaned heavily on Cross.

He miraculously only spilled half the contents of his alcoholic beverage.

"Heya guys, are you having fun yet? The bar is –hic- amazing this year, would 'nyone -hic- care to join me?" he slurred as Cross roughly brushed him off, Tiedoll's eyes lit up as he took in Maria's full figure.

"You, my fine, fine woman, are a tall drink of –hic- water. Would you care for a dance with a very drunk and very smitten young exorcist?" Maria giggled audibly before taking his hand, replying that it had been awhile since she'd been romanced by a drunk. Cross shook his head slowly as they disappeared into the thick, getting more drunk by the minute, crowd.

"God it just gets worse every year." _Indeed,_ Neah thought scanning his eyes over the crowd, who were already tripping over each other in a drunken stupor. Didn't religion call for the self-denial of alcohol?

In the middle of the dance floor, Maria, a good couple of inches taller than Tiedoll, accidently stepped on his toes. Even with the distance separating them, Neah could still see the poor man wince in pain as she hastily apologized. Cross snorted and surveyed the scene with annoyed amusement.

"Half the people here are fucked up and it's only 8:30."

"I know young one, it is terrible. It seems no social gathering is complete these days without some form of alcohol involved." Said an older man stepping from seemingly out of nowhere followed soon by the ever lovable General Devdas, wearing as always, a bright smile.

"Children, you remember our newest General, Kevin Yeegar. General, these two chickadees are my pride and joy, Elizabeth Logan and Marian Cross. This other young man, I'm afraid to say, is not mine. I believe his name is… Walker and that he works at the North America Branch, is that right son?" Neah smiled and bowed politely, only exorcists were allowed into the exorcist's inner sanctum.

For his last birthday, he had been given falsified documents and an exorcist's uniform to ensure he wouldn't be harassed when visiting. According to the documents, he was a low level exorcist in North America who assisted Maria with security. They were good enough to get him past the most basic of security, but anything deeper would undoubtedly unravel the story.

He didn't plan on getting noticed that much.

"Yes, it is an honor to meet a General and of course it's always a pleasure General Devdas. I don't think you quite realize how much your _little chickadees_ admire you, they're sentimental that way." Cross blushed and elbowed Neah in the gut, General Devdas only laughed.

"Getting anything useful through the thick skull of a young one is admiration enough. Now you children behave, you must set an example for your peers." He said dryly, observing Maria and Tiedoll stumbling around arm and arm, each with a large glass of green liquid in their hands.

Neah was mildly surprised when Yeegar put his knotted hand out to him to shake; he was also surprised at how strong his grip was for a man his age. The old man's pale blue eyes smiled down at him with almost paternal patience and kindness.

"You are a good child; I expect to hear more of you in the future. Have a good evening children and do stay away from the bar." Neah smiled uneasily, still hearing the Earl echo those same words in his ears.

General Devdas patted his two apprentices affectionately before joining the elder General in crowd control. Neah sighed and leaned back against the wall scanning the crowd nervously.

Whenever he was out with his friends, he could never completely relax, he always felt like the Earl was hovering just over his shoulders.

It sucked really, he was miserable as hell in Edo but he also got nervous whenever he left.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Lizzy leaned against the wall next to him, taking in the scene. It was starting to get a bit rowdy; making Neah wonder what else the exorcists did in their free time. Lizzy, going back and forth between staring absentmindedly and glancing back at him, smiled.

"Full house tonight isn't Neah? I think we did a good job on decorations. Thank you, by the way, for dropping Maria off earlier; she sure was a help." She said cheerily, Neah gave her a faraway smile as he wondered what the Earl would do to him if he found him here.

It involved a lot of blood, rabid animals and a particularly large stick.

He could see her frown through his peripheral vision. It really wasn't fair to her, to any of them, to worry like this. But before any decisive action could be taken, she held out her hand to him.

He stared at it in confusion, wondering for a moment what the gesturing was implying.

"Dance with me you dumbass, don't worry, the Earl won't find you here and if he does, I'll protect you." He smiled as he took in her lovely features; there were worse ways to spend an evening than in the company of a beautiful woman. He appreciatively took her hand as they made their way to the dance floor, stepping over numerous broken glasses and a few unconscious exorcists. It reminded him vaguely of Christmas in Edo, only with less broken furniture.

"Are all exorcists this liberal with their liquor?" he asked, Lizzy just rolled her eyes.

"Sometimes, but it's not usually this bad. Brett Hemingway just came from France and brought back like thirty bottles of Absinthe with him and donated it to the ball." He nodded in understanding, as long as he could just have one dance with this dazzling lady; people could jump out of windows for all he cared.

The ragtag - who knew Innocence could do _that_? - band struck up a new, slower song; he nervously stepped toward her and nervously placed his hands on her hips. He looked up quickly to assure himself that the minimal amount of contact was alright. She smiled lightly and grabbed his shoulders.

He felt lightheaded, heaven, he was in heaven.

"I sure hope you can dance better than Maria, my feet don't need any more abuse." He was about to answer when a strong body ran into him, causing him to stumble and release his tentative hold on Lizzy. He narrowed his eyes to see it was Cross with another young woman in his arms.

She was a tiny, but gorgeous, girl with pale skin and blond hair tied up in a loose knot. Judging by her quiet and reserved behavior, Neah guessed she was fairly new to the Order. Of course Cross would pick her; she was small, vulnerable and easily swayed.

That bastard.

She looked up at Cross with confusion coloring her pretty features, but she said nothing. Lizzy smiled at the girl, seemingly unaware of Cross's deliberate act of sabotage. Neah reigned in his anger as the girls chatted obliviously to their dates' glaring contest.

"Klaud, it's good to see you. I must say, I don't think I've ever seen you without Lau Jimin, where is the little guy anyway?" The girl, Klaud, smiled and gestured to the bar where a little monkey sat on a stool, watching them with an intensity that was downright frightening.

"It's nice to see you out having fun for once; the only time I ever see you is in the training room. There is more to life than killing Akuma you know" The girl looked down timidly.

"I spend most of my time practicing with Lau Jimin, I want to be the best I can be and it can be very difficult to synchronize with a parasitic animal. I've only just arrived here from the circus and I don't really know anyone yet. Um It was-it was very nice of C-Cross to dance with me."

Lizzy smiled at the blush on the girl's cheeks before looking up at Cross, who had the audacity to appear genuine. Neah felt his cheeks flush in anger. That heartless, selfish bastard, how dare he use that girl!

"Well you couldn't find a better partner, Cross is a great guy, I'm sure you two will have fun." Neah grinned and snatched the opportunity; he flashed a wide grin at his jealous friend.

"Yeah, it was nice meeting you Klaud. We won't keep you two lovebirds any longer." With that, Neah gently led Lizzy away from the other couple. He snickered, practically feeling Cross's penetrating gaze burning a hole in the back of his head.

Honestly, did the guy have to act so childish every time he was alone with Lizzy?

"Now where were we?" he asked smoothly as he held her, she smiled softly and placed her hand on his shoulder. He tenderly held her hand, as he was about to tell her how beautiful she looked when her eyes darted to something just behind his shoulder.

Before Neah had a moment to react, he found himself drenched in alcohol, very strong alcohol. He sputtered and glowered heartily at the person responsible. It was Maria looking confused and bleary eyed, and what a surprise, Cross. The fiend himself looked pretty confused; Maria smirked and stumbled as she waved the empty glass in circles.

He felt his anger rise; he just couldn't catch a break could he?

"Biscuit is that you? Ima so-sor-hic -ry. I er I was talkin' to Ma-Mari and um the glass it-hic – it um slipped." She slurred as the glass slipped from her hand and broke.

Behind him, he could hear Lizzy stifling giggles and Neah's ears burned in embarrassment.

This wasn't how this evening was supposed to go. Cross away from his date and walked over to Neah slowly, his hands outstretched in what looked like an offer of peace.

"You alright? I swear that was an accident, Maria was harassing me and I shoved her off and well…" but Neah knew the truth, accident or not, Cross was secretly proud of his work. Before he had a moment to think, Neah clenched his fist and punched Cross hard in the jaw. The red head fell back dazed as he knocked over another drunken couple.

The room was silent for a minute before chaos erupted.

Glasses were being thrown around and people stared brawling on the floor. Cross staggered to his feet and wiped away the blood from his mouth. Thankfully, Neah recalled his senses at the last second and pulled his punch, but Cross was still hit hard and it was sure to leave a nasty bruise. He sneered at Neah. His eyes narrowed as he regarded Neah, ignoring the escalating commotion.

"So that's how it is? Alright, bring it on pretty boy." He stalked forward and brought his fist into Neah's gut, he winced, but grabbed Cross's hand and brought him hard to the ground. The sound of Cross's back hitting the ground sounded painful; he could dimly hear Lizzy somewhere faraway yelling at him, but Neah wasn't listening.

He felt very detached from his body at the moment, he tightened grip on his friend's fragile human hand. How easily it would break under his power.

Neah felt himself smile wickedly; he wasn't really thinking clearly, it was like he was just an observer to the events occurring in front of him. Cross grimaced upon impact with the ground and glared up at Neah. Cross looked so small there on the floor, so weak under Neah's control. Cross spit out blood from his split lip and sneered up at him.

"Are you satisfied you fucking Noah? I bet the Earl would be real proud if he could see you now." Neah blinked as the fog faded from his mind and the world came back into focus. W-what the hell was he doing? Cross could be an asshole sometimes, but he was still his best friend.

He blanched as he felt his silver tongued Inner Noah smoothly whisper to him.

He jumped back and released Cross, who sat up and tentatively stretched his injured hand. Neah breathed deeply as fear pounded in his head, how the hell could he lose control like that? He'd never let his Inner Noah take over like that.

The blinders thus removed from his vision, the pandemonium around him slowly came into view. Maria was standing on a table throwing glasses around as exorcists of all ages ran back and forth shouting and rampaging. Lizzy was off to the side defending herself from the rioters.

She turned him with a look of angry confusion. Had he really caused all this?

"Have you lost your goddamned mind! What the hell are you doing? Are you trying to tear Headquarters apart?" he ignored the suave voice whispering in his mind and just slowly shook his head, soaking in the chaos. No th-this wasn't what he wanted.

He jerked as Cross put a hand on his shoulder, his anger absent as he considered Neah.

"Hey man, are you ok?" Neah looked away in disgrace; he was saved from responding by a crash of loud thunder. Had there been a forecast for rain? He turned to the center of the room where General Devdas, free from his usual genial smile, held a crackling lightening rod.

The air became static as the exorcists stopped in their tracks; Maria broke off the sloppy kiss from Tiedoll who proceeded to slip languidly to the floor. Someone in the room dropped a glass which resounded through the soundless hall. The General steadily observed the rowdy exorcists; he cleared his throat before speaking.

"The life of an exorcist is hard and brutal. Therefore, I'm not opposed to a little fun at a party. This, however, is getting out of hand. I'm not asking for the one responsible, I'm not looking for someone to blame. I just want this mess cleaned up and everyone to calm down." The exorcists were silent for a moment before slowly getting off of tables and setting down glass projectiles. The General took a deep breath and relaxed, deactivating his Innocence.

"And of course we'll be confiscating all of the alcohol." The people were in danger of rioting again and only the threat of excommunication kept them quiet.

So that was how his second exorcist's ball ended.

Neah lifelessly grabbed the broom handed to him by the exasperated General and began to slowly sweep up the wreckage he had unwittingly caused. How had he let that happen?

His Noah strength could kill these people, he had very nearly broken Cross's hand. He moaned, leaning against his broom. His head hurt like a mother, whatever had happened it had taken quite a toll on his body; it dimly reminded him of his time in the hospital.

He watched Maria struggle to pick up some large shards of glass, but her disorientation kept causing her to miss. The damage was mostly superficial, broken bottles and filthy walls, but what could happen next time? Maybe next time someone would get hurt or even die, possibly by his hand. He shut his eyes trying to block out these thoughts.

He may have been a Noah, but he wasn't- he wasn't one of them.

"Neah, are you ok? What happened back there?" Neah stood there motionless as Lizzy's soft voice spoke behind him. He ran a shaky hand through his tousled hair.

"L-Lizzy, look, I'm sorry. I just- just, I can't-"

"Did you hear the lady? She didn't ask for an apology, she wanted to know what happened. I know I was being a jackass but, hell, that was murder in your eyes." Cross appeared next to Lizzy, his hand was bandaged and his jaw was turning purple, but other than that, he didn't seem hurt too badly.

Good, that was good. Neah couldn't have lived with himself had he caused his friend any real harm.

Neah gripped the broom so tightly it cracked, panicking; he released it and let it thump to the ground. The three of them stood like that for a minute as Neah kicked blearily at the broken glass.

"That's-that's never happened before. I've never really told you because I didn't want you to be-to be afraid of me. Just because I'm a first generation Noah doesn't mean I'm not affected by the Noah genes. Usually it just sticks to whispering in my head and I can ignore it well enough. I've never had it-it take over like that before, it was scary. It-it tells me to do things, bad things; it's everything the Earl wants me to be." Neah shivered as he spoke, Maria stumbled over and listened.

Neah hated this, hated having to admit this sickening weakness to the people he cared about, to the people he had sworn to protect.

"I-I don't really remember what happened, I just recall getting mad at Cross and everything else just sort of faded, like-like I was outside myself, watching everything unfold but not being able to do anything about it. I can't believe I let it just take over like that… I feel… I feel unclean." He gripped his arms.

He was not like them, he wasn't.

He was interrupted from these thoughts as Maria slumped on top of him, he grunted at the extra weight and he locked his knees to prevent them from buckling.

"You can be sooooo silly sometimes Biscuit, you know dat?" she slurred into his ear; he grimaced as he felt spittle run down his cheek. "We all gots our bad side to us, but we don't let it bother us none. Jus-jus don' kill nobody an' we'll always be there to help ya." With such eloquently spoken wisdom said, Maria brusquely slipped into oblivion.

Using his strength, Neah gently lowered her unconscious form to the floor. The three raised their eyebrow in irritation as she drooled onto the dirty, littered floor. Cross stepped over her limp form and patted Neah's shoulder with his good hand.

"Not quite how I would have put it, but you get the drift. You're our friend Neah. That means we have to deal with your occasional psychotic rages. You're not one of them; you couldn't be if you tried. We'll always be there you. And um Neah, for what it's worth, I'm uh I'm sorry." The last part Cross said under his breath, Neah smiled and nodded. Lizzy threw a ripped piece of tablecloth over Maria.

In his situation, maybe Neah would've acted the same; girls made guys do some crazy shit after all.

General Devdas walked by and coolly observed their progress. He nudged Maria lightly with his boot.

"While you're at it children, clean that up as well, and try not to start any more rebellions in the near future, if that's all right with you." They all found something more fascinating to look at as the General scolded them lightly.

"Now come on, this mess won't clean up itself!" With a dramatic turn he wandered off to motivate more exorcists. Chuckling awkwardly, Neah picked up his broom and began sweeping again. Still, cleaning or not, this was a hell of a lot better than quality time in Edo.

**DGMDGMDGM**

General Devdas sighed and smoothed out his uniform. A moderate amount of disorder was healthy and induced change, but this was just ridiculous. What an impression they were making.

And of course it had to be _his_ students that incited the riot, them and their friends from North America.

He had half a mind to report those two, but no one had been hurt and they had seemed genuinely sorry, the one that had been conscious anyway. The worst thing he could do was punish them for a personal problem that had escalated. The General could only hope that the two boys could resolve their feelings for Lizzy without him interfering.

But still, of all times this had to happen.

He walked up to the two members of the Bookmen clan. One was a quiet passive old man who went simply by Bookman. The other was his impetuous and distrustful apprentice, Jason. The General bowed as the younger boy huffed impatiently.

"I do apologize for this, as you can imagine, it's a difficult life and sometimes the best way to cope is through alcohol and some mindless destruction." Bookman nodded, his expression not changing.

"I understand, now as to your question. The war with Earl has been changing as of late. As members of the Bookmen clan you must know that we will not ally ourselves with either the exorcists or the Earl, we merely report the war's progress, do you understand?" The General sighed, many generations before him had fruitlessly tried to convince the Bookmen to cooperate with them, had he really expected anything different?

"But my apprentice and I will be observing the war's progress from here if that is alright with you." Hajari Devdas looked up in misunderstanding.

"As I said, something has shifted in the balance of power; I can sense that the course of the war has been altered. With such a development we can no longer merely observe from the outside. We will stay here and try and understand what it is that has so dramatically impacted recent events. We will be temporarily storing our records here, which you may examine at a later date."

The General fought down a smile and the desire to hug the remarkably small man. Finally they had access to the Bookman's tomes. A few more minutes were spent working out the details and the deal was done. General Devdas hurriedly escorted them away from the disastrous ball and into to their new accommodations.

Once alone in the room, Bookman sat down on his new bed deep in thought. He couldn't shake the uneasy feeling he had. The atmosphere had indeed transformed, but Bookman had a feeling there would be no benefit to gathering information from the Earl any longer.

And the Noah boy...

Bookman folded his hands as he contemplated this new development. He'd never been formally introduced to any of the Noah family, he'd conducted his business with the Earl in secret, but he still could recognize the young man for what he was as his dark aura flared. What was the one of the Earl's minons doing here with the exorcists? Had he betrayed actually betrayed the Earl?

It was an interesting situation, one, Bookman thought, that would be best observed here at the Order.

He wondered how this would go on effect the war; such a vast change in convention was bound to have consequences that would ripple for years to come.

So they would observe and catalogue the war's progress from the Order and perhaps learn a little bit more about the Earl's renegade Noah. Though whatever they discovered, they were not to interefere with the war's natural progression.

He may have been an Accommodator for Innocence, but it had been one of the Earl's conditions that he not join the exorcists' ranks. Jason breathed harshly next to him causing Bookman to frown. One thing he had been unable to beat into the boy was patience.

"I don't understand Old man, if you feel strange about those kids, just confront them." The kid was textually brilliant, but had no understanding of people, or perhaps it was too good an understanding.

"I'm not sure boy, so be quiet and pay attention. We need information on the shift in the war and the best place to get that is the Order. Those kids merely interested me; we'll find out in the future if they are of any consequence." The young boy snorted and continued his night's records. Bookman frowned what an apprentice he had, quick tempered and insubordinate.

It was good Jason did not know of his relationship with the Earl or the boy would ruin everything. As Jason wrote down the night's events, Bookman allowed himself to be drawn back into his thoughts.

Yes, he would watch the kind faced young Noah and the exorcists he had befriended and wonder just where such a relationship will lead them and the rest of the world.

* * *

_Come on, baby, don't say maybe_

_I gotta know if your sweet love is gonna save me_

_We may lose and we may win_

_Though we will never be here again_

_So open up, I'm climbing in, so take it easy. ~The Eagles_

* * *

Another one down! A lot of these early chapters (and trust me, these are the early chapters) may seem pointless, but they set up a lot of things which will end up being important in the future. For example, this last exorcist's ball introduces Klaud, Tiedoll and the Bookmen (and the only character I made whom I disliked on every level) who become important later, begins to show Neah's complicated relationship with his Inner Noah and set up the beginnings of romantic tension... Anyways, if anyone is wondering about the laxness of both the Noah and the Order then you've been paying attention. There are a heluva lot more exorcist in this story than in DGM (explained why later) and both organizations are pretty chill with their members. All I have to say on the matter is that one of the purposes of this story was to create a past to explain the present, so I tried to make the events of this story reflect current events. All I can say is enjoy the happiness while it lasts.

_Take it Easy_ (c) is owned by the Eagles


	7. Happy

_Disclaimer: I do not own any part of D. Gray-man nor any of its characters. I can only close my eyes and quietly play dress up with said characters in my head and hope I'm not desecrating Hoshino Katsura's work too much._

For those of you who care, Author's Notes will be at the end of every chapter and any and all questions will be gleefully answered if asked.

* * *

_Always took candy from strangers,_

_Didn't wanna get me no trade._

_Never want to be like papa,_

_Working for the boss every night and day._

* * *

Maria sighed at the solitude of her lookout post and pouted in a most unladylike fashion. One day, that was all she had asked for, one day in which to enjoy herself. She sighed again pathetically.

But alas, a Branch Guardian's duty was never done.

She frowned thoughtfully, wondering just what she would do had she the time. She smiled a little as the fantasy began to take shape in her head. She would have lots and lots of food, a mountain of food so high that she couldn't see anything else; her stomach roared its approval.

Roast chicken and duck, spaghetti with big thick meatballs, a sandwich as tall as her with all the fixings.

She was salivating just thinking about it.

She would also have music, what good was a party without music? Maybe she would have Neah play something on the piano. Of course her friends would be at this imaginary party, she couldn't image such a perfect day without them. Her wide smile then fell into a lowly pout.

Unfortunately, her fantasies were destined to remain just that, fantasies.

She stood up suddenly, well dammit! Just because she couldn't have the day off, didn't mean that she couldn't party! It was almost eleven; no one would begrudge her for taking her lunch break a little earlier than normal. She would have her own damn day off and order as much food as Larry could conceivably cook. She would not let life get in the way of this perfect day.

She stomped out of her post, daring someone to question her.

"Edgar, I'm going to take my lunch break a little early, make sure that the base doesn't blow up while I'm gone." She shouted, stepping out into the hallway.

"Wha?" Edgar Blake asked blearily, waking from a light doze. "No wait, you can't!" He had his chair on two legs leaning back against the wall, his sudden movement caused him to lose his balance and fall from the chair onto the floor. Maria chuckled and helped her occasional assistant up.

North American Headquarters was pretty damn big and Maria couldn't always guard it by herself. She worked in close conjunction with the members of the security section to help her keep an eye on things. This time, it was twenty year old Edgar Blake who always working too hard for his own good.

"And why can't I go get food? If I have to stay here much longer, I'm going to resort to cannibalism." Edgar winced as he steadied himself on his feet and nervously fiddled with his hands.

"Well um you see the-the thing is, I uh I-I can't uh-"

Maria raised an eyebrow. She doubted very much Edgar had taken her joke seriously and suspected instead that he was trying to ask her for something and just didn't know how to.

She sighed again, but it was one of happy exasperation. She knew that Edgar was studying hard to get into the science section and the numerous all-nighters he had been pulling were most the likely the cause of his little impromptu nap just now.

She supposed food could wait a little longer.

"What do you want Edgar? Do you want me to help you study for a minute?" His eyes suddenly met hers again and she watched as surprise and delight crossed his face. He nodded vigorously, babbling on about how he needed to memorize a bunch of long names and such. Maria only smiled.

Cross would probably be better at this, but she was always glad to help someone so enthused.

"Okay then," she said kneeling and grabbing some scattered note cards from around the floor, "so please name for me the four major uh macromolecules."

**DGMDGMDGM**

"Thanks Maria! I really think I'm starting to get it now, if I can keep this up then I just might be able to pass the science section test this spring!" Edgar stated happily, carrying a load of books so tall, he probably couldn't see where he was going. Maria just stretched her arms and let the boy babble on about more scientific principles that she didn't even pretend to understand.

She looked up at the clock on the wall, it was now twenty minutes past eleven, she pursed her lips. It was still a little early, but still, she could head over to lunch right now and still enjoy the day. Maybe if she got some of her other duties done, the Chief would let her do a perimeter check outside.

She smiled, that would be nice.

"Alright Edgar, well I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to get to the cafeteria before it gets too late." She brought up her hand to wave. Edgar's eyes went wide.

"B-but Maria!" He shouted, looking left and right as if trying to find someone. "Y-you-you just can't!"

"And why no-"

"Look out!" Maria had been completely unprepared when another exorcist rounded the corner and rammed into them. Maria gasped as the wind was knocked out of her as she observed the world from her new position on the floor. A light moan came from her right. Maria craned her neck and saw that it was Daisy James, one of the newer exorcists whose Innocence had control over plants.

What in God's name was she doing running around like that?

"Oh dear, I'm so sorry, I was just in a rush. I just really need to get to the p-Maria!" Daisy said slowly before looking up at her. Maria just smiled as the sweet girl stumbled on her words. She then looked down at the box that the young girl held tightly in her arms, Maria made a face.

"Daisy, what on earth are you doing with a box of dead chickens?" Daisy laughed awkwardly, holding the box a little closer to herself as Maria got to her feet.

"Well you see it's um it's for the plants, you know." Daisy replied, smiling just a little too brightly. "We have some carnivorous plants in the greenhouse and I thought I would just go and uh feed them." Edgar moaned and Daisy started, realizing that she was sitting on top of the poor boy. She set the box aside and slowly helped Edgar up off from the floor.

"Oh Edgar I am so sorry, are you alright?" as Edgar looked up at Daisy, his face flushed a deep scarlet and his eyes looked away. Just about every young man in the base was smitten with the gorgeous Daisy James what with her shapely figure and soft, white face.

"Oh me? Y-you me, I'm not- I'm not afraid of anything, I mean that was nothing coming to what Maria and I see every day in security, sometimes multiple times a day." Maris could only roll her eyes, boys.

"Now Daisy," Maria drolled, now that she was assured the two were alright. "I may not be an expert in plants, but I'm pretty sure carnivorous plants don't eat ch-"

"O-oh my head!" Daisy said suddenly grasping her temples and falling to her knees. Both Maria and Edgar were at her side as Daisy moaned pathetically on the floor. Now Maria was really worried, Daisy had looked just fine not a moment ago, maybe she'd hit her head and Maria just hadn't noticed.

"Daisy, Daisy dear can you hear me? Did you hit your head or what, tell me where it hurts." Maria said bending down to stroke the girl's soft, blonde bangs. Daisy peeked quickly through her hands before continuing to moan. Edgar was nervously twitching above her.

"Oh Daisy! I'm so, so sorry! I-I didn't mean it! I mean, here let me take you down to the medical-"

"No!" Daisy shouted suddenly, removing her head from her hands to look up at Edgar. She coughed lightly into her fist as she once again began to rub her temples.

"I mean um no, the uh plants need to be fed soon. Why don't you take these on over to the _greenhouse_ and give them to the _gardener _to feed the _plants_. Do you understand Edgar? Take these to the _greenhouse_ and _Maria_ will take me over to medical." Edgar blinked for a moment before understanding slowly dawned on his pale face.

What had just-?

"O-oh, oh yes, I can do that! The uh _plants_ are sure to be hungry, so I'll take these over right now! Don't you worry Daisy! I'll handle this for you!" With that, Edgar grabbed the box off of the ground and sprinted off.

Maria frowned, wasn't the greenhouse the other way…

"O-oh the pain." Daisy interjected suddenly, swooning a little in Maria's arms. Maria dropped all other thoughts and carefully helped Daisy to her feet. Maria smiled and shushed her gently.

"It's going to be alright Daisy, medical isn't too far down the hall, we'll get that headache of yours cured in no time flat." Daisy smiled sweetly back up at her as she let Maria lead her down the hall.

"Daisy, I had heard that you came down with a bad case of malaria just before coming to the Order, do you think this might be a relapse?" Maria asked quietly, she knew how painfully old memories would be and she wouldn't dream of bringing it up if she weren't concerned for the girl's life.

Daisy's face fell a little bit at the mention of it as Maria had expected her to. Many new exorcists thought they could leave their luckless past behind them once they came to the Order, but rumors had a nasty habit of spreading around and sweet Daisy James was no exception.

"Y-yes, that is true. The malaria, however, wasn't the problem. The problem was with my heart. I-I know I had been a little flighty, a little too flirtatious for my own good but-but-" she tightly closed her eyes "-but I can't believe that Winterbourne would do something like that." She said with a light hitch in her breath. "I would endure that damned Roman Fever a thousand times more if only it could get that wretched man's infuriated face from my mind." She finished softly.

Maria looked away, uncomfortable with the grief she had unwittingly caused. She gave the girl's milky white shoulder a light, affectionate rub.

"I know it's hard dear, it seems just about everyone comes here with a sad story and a broken heart." She looked over and smiled at Daisy as sweetly as she could, thinking of how often Neah's shy little smiles had lifted her spirits. "But that means we all know how you feel, no one else in the world can understand the ache you feel, but at least here at the Order, you're not alone." Daisy looked up and returned the smile. Maria was glad to see a little of the light return to her eyes.

"Y-yes, I know. I-I never thought I would meet another person who understood, who knew what it felt like to love and to lose, to be left alone during the cruel winter. But everyone here at the Order had their own personal heartbreak to deal with and yet they can still look so happy." The smile grew.

"This is quite the family we have here, don't we?" Maria gave a little chuckle as the neared the medical department. Though Maria wasn't even sure Daisy needed it anymore. The girl was now walking on her own, without Maria's help and her head didn't seem to be bothering her. Maybe her troubles had just weighed a little too heavily on her mind and a little chat had cleared them away.

Maria hoped so; her babies didn't need to know that kind of pain.

"Well, here we are Daisy. You look a lot better, but I would still like it if you lay down for a little bit. I don't want you to be collapsing anymore do you hear me? I'm very glad you're taking to the Order, but that's no reason to push your body to exhaustion. Now, I've got a thing or two to attend to so I'll see you later Daisy." Maria said as Daisy lowered herself onto the bed.

The nurse came over and raised an eyebrow at the young girl who gestured with her eyes back to Maria. Maria couldn't even fathom what such an exchange meant before the nurse was pushing her out the door. Maria got a last look at Daisy waving cheerfully to her from her bed before she was gone.

"Alright now, thank you for dropping her off Miss Maria. I'm sure Miss James will alright soon enough. Now surely you have other duties to attend to as the Branch Guardian so why don't you run along now while I tend to her." Nurse said resolutely, pushing Maria out the door.

"But I haven't even told you her symptoms." Maria said, holding up a finger in protest.

"No need, I know exactly what's going on with her, so be off now. It's too early for lunch yet so I suggest you head down to the Chief's office and see what you can do there. Good day Miss Maria." With that, the door was shut in her face. Maria blinked once and then twice and then sighed.

Jeez, what a day this was turning out to be, so much for her day off.

She decided that Nurse was probably right, today was no different than other day and she shouldn't expect any special treatment. In fact, she should be working extra hard so that she could earn her day of leisure. The thought warmed her up a little and she began to walk a little faster to the Chief's office, there was always something that needed to be done around here.

She paused as a soft noise caught her attention and she stopped, she looked around, looking for any sign of the thing that had given her pause.

"Please, just go away." A soft voice whispered somewhere to Maria's right. Maria hesitated and then walked toward the open doorway where a young girl sat languidly against the wall.

Maria took a look around and realized that she was in the gym; the same gym in which she had Neah had had their little fight a month or two ago. Maria couldn't get a good look at the girl as she was covered mostly in shadow, in fact, the entire gym was dark and dismal.

Maria brought her hand to her lips, wondering if she should intervene. The girl looked like she didn't want to be disturbed, but the despondent way in which she held herself forced Maria into action. Who knew what someone who looked so sad would do to themselves?

"Hello, are you alright?" Maria asked quietly, stepping slowly inside the darkened gymnasium. The girl lifted her head and the room grew a little brighter. Maria frowned; she must be an Accommodator for light type Innocence. Maria put on a gentle smile and continued slowly walking toward the girl.

"What's your name?" Maria asked quietly, disturbed by the hopeless way the girl looked at her.

"Virginia, Virginia Lovell. A-am I in trouble?" Virginia replied slowly, looking up at Maria as one does when they feel they have nothing left to lose. It broke Maria's heart just looking at her. Once she reached the other side of the room, she slowly sat down next to Virginia. The girl didn't move or make any noise of protest, so Maria felt her presence was allowed for the moment.

"Of course not, I was just wondering what you were doing in here, all alone in the dark." Virginia lowered her head and slowly began to shake her head. She didn't speak again for another minute or so and Maria thought about re-asking the question when the light voice came back.

"I'm just here thinking about my Innocence, about how much I hate it." Maria nodded with complete understanding.

While the Order was an escape for some, it was a prison for others. The Order was never willing to take no for an answer and whomever was discovered to be compatible with Innocence was taken back to the Order no ifs, ands or buts.

"Virginia," Maria started slowly. How could she convince this girl the beauty of Innocence? She herself had struggled against the Order for long before she had finally realized what she had been given. Coming to grips with that type of revelation wasn't something someone could tell you how to do, but it was a journey that was unique and different for each individual.

But a little love and support never hurt anyone.

"I can only imagine how you feel; I didn't much being taken here to the Order either at first. It's something you just come to accept and later to love, it just becomes a part of you before you even know it." The girl peaked through her long, dark locks to look over at Maria with her equally dark eyes.

"I don't hate the Order, if anything, I'm glad they were able to take me away from that awful life before." Now Maria was really confused, if Virginia didn't bear a grudge against the Order, then why would she hate her Innocence? God's holy crystal?

"Innocence is supposed to be something… incredible, something to save people and something that is supposed to bring light into the darkness of war." Virginia stated with soft diction.

"But my Innocence can't do any of that, it's dark and cold and it follows me wherever I go. I hate it; I hate this all-encompassing blackness that the power over shadows gives me. I just-just feel so alone, so sad." The girl leaned over and hugged her knees as the lights dimmed more, snuffing out most of the light in the room.

Maria also looked down at the floor. Innocence that couldn't do anything, now where had she heard _that_ one before? She looked over to Virginia, the girl who was quiet and unsure and who was frightened by her Innocence and what it had done to her. She laid a gentle hand on Virginia's shoulder.

"You know, if you keep thinking about your Innocence that way, everything you fear is going to end up true." Maria said, taking extra care to smile at the girl.

Sometimes something so small could make a big difference.

"I know things are tough, and I can tell you right now that things are always going to be tough, but you're stronger than that. Innocence is something beautiful; it's a gift from God that you and only you have been blessed with. I know you may not understand it right now, but you make your Innocence what it is, only you can decide whether it is the shadow-"

Maria gently tilted the girl's chin so that she was looking directly at Maria. The girl shakily returned Maria's smile and ever so slowly, the shadows covering the room receded and the room was filled with a soft, almost warm, glow.

"-or the light in the darkness." Virginia blushed a little and pulled her back from Maria to look back at the floor. The small smile, however, remained on her face threatening to turn into something almost akin to hope. She slowly shook her head.

"B-but I don't know how to make my Innocence beautiful, all I know about is darkness, how can I bring it into the light?" she asked hesitantly, fighting valiantly to prevent her depression from leaving. Maria grunted as she raised herself to her feet and held out a hand to the younger girl. Maria smiled again.

"Well then, let's find out. It seems we've both got a long way to go before we can realize the power of our Innocence, so let's get started." The girl started to reach for the offered hand, but then shied back as if afraid what such a gesture was offering.

"I've learned from experience that it's so much better to train with a friend, it just makes the situation seem just a little brighter." The girl's smile returned and Maria delighted when she felt the small, silky hand grasp her own.

Forty five minutes later and Virginia had shown substantial improvement. Maria had even gotten the somber girl to laugh once when she had tripped over her own, big feet. The laugh had been momentary and quickly strangled, but it was there and that meant it could come back.

Maria wasn't the best with Innocence training and spent most of her time with Virginia going over the basics and simple mental maneuvers.

While Maria kept the buoyant expression on her face, she couldn't help but doubt herself. Who was she to tell this girl that all Innocence was amazing and beautiful when she couldn't even properly activate her own Innocence? But the world was harsh enough without Maria's angst, so she kept up the smiling, hoping and praying that maybe she could reach this girl and make her see that she could beautiful if only she let herself.

As Maria thought this, she stubbornly refused to acknowledge that such tactics could apply to her own situation.

Maria stretched as they were finishing up and discreetly looked up at the clock, she could've groaned, it was ten after one. Now she'd have to cut down her little celebratory lunch in half if she wanted to be back in time for the afternoon patrol. She shook her head, no, that was fine.

She couldn't have wished for a better birthday than seeing her young charges so happy.

Although it would have been nice if someone had remembered.

Virginia noticed her glance to the clock and smiled, a small, sweet smile that made Maria want to squeeze her tightly. Girl had no idea how damn cute she was.

"I think that's enough for one day, would you care to accompany me to the cafeteria for a late lunch?" she asked shyly. Maria smiled broadly and grabbing Virginia's hand, began the long walk down to the cafeteria. On the way, Maria talked about her friends and Virginia told Maria about the stories she wrote during her free time.

Maria could only smile, yes, it truly was a good day.

Virginia paused in front of the closed cafeteria doors, which really shouldn't be closed now that she thought about it, and smiled up at Maria with easiness and just a little mischief.

"I don't think you realize how much you mean to us. You spend all your time and energy protecting our base and yet you still make time to help us with all of our problems so why-." Her eyes sparkled.

"-would you ever think we wouldn't remember your birthday?" A light nudge and the door was pushed open. Maria took a half step back and gasped.

The whole cafeteria, usually grim and bleak like the rest of the Order, was filled to the brim with colored streamers and Amaryllis flowers, her favorite, were scattered around the room in bunches.

The whole base sat around smiling at her, Daisy raised her glass and cheered and Edgar laughed and scooted awkwardly away. Even her Branch Chief, usually so stoic and impassionate, was seen nursing a rather full glass of wine with no signs of slowing down anytime soon.

"Where were you? We've been waiting." The voice made her breath catch in her throat as she turned to her right and saw three people she hadn't expected to see here of all places, though really, should she be surprised?

Cross, Neah and Lizzy were sitting off to the side, Lizzy was busy trying to tame the boys' wild hair albeit unsuccessfully. As Cross fought off Lizzy's hands, he gave Maria his lopsided smile that she loved.

"Who'd have thought you of all people would be late for lunch." She brought her hand to her face as she took in the wonderful atmosphere and, more importantly, the delicious aroma. An array of food unlike anything she had ever seen before was spread out on one of the long tables. A little bit of cuisine from every corner of the world, enough that Maria could see no end to it in sight.

_It must have taken ages,_ she thought, _to get all of this ready_… She lowered her lids, wait a minute.

"So all of you, all of you were in on this?" The sheepish smile from Daisy and the awkward rub on the neck from Edgar and everyone else who had impeded her today gave her the answer.

She then threw back her head and laughed; overjoyed by the love and affection she felt coursing through her right now.

And the food, the food made her pretty happy as well.

She kept smiling as she skipped over to where Neah had given up and let Lizzy play with his messy hair. She could only smirk at their innocent, little faces as they told her that her that they had a mission in this area and that they were only here because the timing worked out.

She just grinned and ruffled Neah's hair, undoing all of Lizzy's hard work and began to devour all the food she could get her hands on. Who knows? There might be enough for the others too.

As she went through the party, giggling and smiling and stuffing her face, she thought to herself what a wonderful bunch of people she had surrounded herself with.

Little did she know all of her friends were thinking along similar lines.

**DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM**

"Bark the Harold's ancient fig! Glory to our newfound wig! Peas in earth and jerky wild! God has dinner with a child!" Lizzy could only laugh awkwardly and pull the hood up on her coat and hope that no one recognized her. Maria was all bundled up, somehow managing to be even more cheerful than always as she er… improvised on some beloved Christmas songs for all the people to hear. She had tried to stop Maria but, hell, it was Christmas Eve and it was the season of forgiveness.

Though there was a reason this only came around once a year.

It was cold, as it was always bloody cold here in England and if the clouds were any indication, they might have a white Christmas this year. This would be Lizzy's first Christmas here at the Order and it felt a little weird, even weirder that she was out buying presents for people, for friends.

She never actually gotten presents for people herself, it was a new experience to actually go from shop to shop looking for something nice for the people she cared about. This was also the first time she had walked alongside someone so obnoxious. Her cheeks burned at people stared at them.

She felt that Jesus would forgive her if she killed Maria before the holiday was over.

"Maria," she hissed. "As lovely as you sound, don't you think you should tone it down a little?" Maria ceased her singing and smiled widely, swinging her arms back and forth.

"Whatever for? It's Christmas Lizzy! The most wonderful, beautiful, amazing time of the year! A time for presents and turkey and Santa Claus!" She winked. "And it's the only time of the year my superiors let me get away with singing in the halls!" _Gee, I wonder why,_ Lizzy thought with an eye roll.

"I know but isn't Christmas also a time for eh quiet reflection? Looking back on the past year and paying tribute to the birth of Jesus?" Maria's face twisted in deep concentration as they continued walking down the busy street.

"Hmm, maybe you have a point." Thank God, "but I express my love for Jesus through song!" Lizzy sighed, but still couldn't help but smile. One couldn't stay mad at Maria when she was like this. She hadn't imagined what this Christmas would be like, but Maria's exuberant mood was certainly making it better.

As happy as she was with her life now, she couldn't help but wistfully imagine what was going on at her house right now. The party should be in full swing by now. Father was surely reading the bible to everyone in the house with quiet solemnity; a family tradition that had been going on for as long as she could remember. Her sisters would get up and sing songs and later dance with a few of the eligible young men while the adults retreated to the fireplace for politics and brandy. This would be the first time she had ever missed out on the annual Christmas celebration and it made her a little sad.

"So what are you getting for the boys?" Maria's asked, pulling Lizzy from her laments. Lizzy grimaced; she had no idea what to get any of her friends. She wanted to get the perfect gift, something that would really show them how much they meant to her. But how could she put a value on that?

"No idea, you?" Maria shrugged through her thick coat.

"Not a clue, you know what a mystery boys can be sometimes." Her eyes lit up. "Let's go in that shop! I bet there's a lot of interesting things in here!" Without warning, Lizzy was pulled into a nearby store filled with all sorts of odds and ends.

Lizzy pulled down her hood and looked around. It was a curious store really; nothing seemed to match anything else. It seemed pretty dirty and rundown too. She smiled a little to think she would've never stepped in a shop like this a year ago. She picked up a clock and turned it over in her hands.

"Help you with something dearie?" she squeaked as an old man, presumably the owner, snuck up on her. She turned and slowly stepped away, bothered by his presence.

"Ah no, I'm fine, really, you know just looking around." She said uneasily. These types of places always made her nervous; she'd always believed they were run by drunks and outlaws.

She set the clock down and wandered deeper into the shop. Somehow she had lost Maria in all this, strange as the store didn't appear to be all that big. Oh well, she'd turn up eventually, Maria could only keep quiet for so long before she burst into another joyous round of 'Jingle Bells'. She nearly tripped on something lying on the floor and, after a moment of hesitation, picked it up.

She had absolutely no idea what it was.

It was heavy in proportion to its size and was made up of gears and bolts and who knows what else. She squinted her eyes and turned it over looking for something that would tell her what the hell it was. She noticed the old man hovering in the corner.

"Um excuse me, can you tell me what this is." He hobbled over and smiled.

"I'm afraid your guess is as good as mine. Someone dropped that old thing off years ago, I've had a few friends come and look at it, but no one seems to have any idea what it is or what it's supposed to do. I always thought someone with a fondness for mechanics would come along and buy it just for the sake of figuring it out." She smiled to herself. Cross was always tinkering with things like this and spent a lot of his free time in the science department.

He would appreciate a puzzle such as this.

"Well I've got just the gearhead in mind, I'll take it."

She found Maria at the front of the store humming to herself as she held her own packages. Lizzy smiled at her as she paid for whatever it was and wished the owner a happy holiday.

"So what'd you buy?" Lizzy asked as they stepped back out into the cold. Maria excitedly dug into her bag and produced one pair of leather gloves for Cross, which he could wear when working on Lizzy's contraption and a statue for Neah. Lizzy just stared.

"This is for Neah? It's… kind of creepy so I must ask, why?" Maria grinned.

"Who does it look like to you?" Lizzy frowned and inspected the statue closer. Glasses, coat, pointed ears- shit it looked like the Earl! She looked up at Maria with surprise and a little bit of confused horror.

"I figured with all the stress of life in Edo he could take out his frustration on this, I figured that was better than anything else I could get him." Lizzy brought her hand to her face to stop herself from laughing. The fact that Maria would give Neah a chance to vent his frustrations on a tiny statue was just too funny. Finally she couldn't contain herself any longer and she began laughing eliciting the annoyed glares of passing people.

Well fuck them, it was Christmas.

"Lizzy," Maria teased gently. "You're embarrassing me." Lizzy smiled and threw an arm around her waist looking up at the taller girl. Christmas wasn't about presents or parties, it was about having fun with the people she loved.

And she was having a heluva lot more fun than she would've had hearing the same story of Jesus's birth again.

"What do you say we do 'Jingle Bells' on the way home?" Maria blinked

"Don't you still need a present for Neah?" Lizzy smiled and stared up into the darkening sky.

"Don't worry, I got an idea, but it's something I need to do at the Order. So what do you say? A few more songs to piss off the people?" Maria beamed and took a deep breath.

"Oh dashing to the show, to a ten course open buffet, on four wheels we go, laughing all the way!" Lizzy laughed and joined in, not caring that they didn't make sense or that people were walking past them with disdainful looks on their faces. It was Christmas Eve and she intended to take it for all it worth this year, she had so much to be thankful for and song did seem the only way to express it.

**DGMDGMDGM**

"Do you think Lizzy would like this?" Cross asked, holding up a bright blue jewel hung on a silver chain. Neah tilted his head and studied it. It was pretty he supposed, but not very practical for an exorcist.

"I don't know it's uh very shiny, does she like shiny things?" Cross gave him a blank look.

"I was under the impression that all girls liked shiny things, that's the only reason I can think of as to why there are so many damned jewelry stores around." The two boys exchanged identical looks of confusion as they resigned themselves to the fact that they would never understand women. Neah himself thought things like this were demeaning, but he about as good with women as Cross was.

The only reason he'd been able to find a present for everyone was because he'd had Mana help him. But Cross was at a disadvantage having no older brother to go to and thus it was Neah out here on Christmas Eve helping him with his last minute shopping.

However, three hours later and Neah's goodwill was beginning to run thin.

Neah understood Cross's desire to get just the right gift, he himself had spent twice as long deliberating over Lizzy's gift, but couldn't he just pick something already? It was getting colder out and the Earl would be upset if Neah wasn't there for all the fun activities planned in Edo.

He'd heard there was going to be a chorus line and a pie eating contest.

On second thought, Cross could take as long as he damn well wanted.

They left the jewelry store and continued on their quest for the perfect gift. Maria was pretty easy, anything brightly colored and sparkly would keep her occupied for hours; it was Lizzy whom they both wanted to impress the most.

Neah was slightly worried that Cross would find a better gift for Lizzy than he had. It was weird, he wanted to help Cross and he wanted Lizzy to have as many wonderful gifts as possible, but he still wanted her to enjoy _his_ present the most. Must be the weather.

"So where do you want to go now?" He asked. Cross sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, an action Neah had learned to associate with his friend's frustration.

"I don't know, I can't even think of something that would be good enough for her."

"You know," Neah said slowly. "Homemade gifts are nice too, they come from the heart." The look Cross gave him dispelled that idea immediately.

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm not good with 'things from the heart.'" Really, he hadn't noticed; Cross sighed again. "Just tell me what you got her so I can go from there." Neah reeled back.

"No way, I did my Christmas shopping months ago. I'm not going to have you stealing my idea because you decided to shop late." Cross griped next to him irritably.

"It's not like I have a bunch of free time to flit across the world looking for presents." Neah made a face. That was true; Lizzy and Cross almost never got out of the Order whfor something not related to a mission. "Well, what do you think she likes?" Neah rolled his eyes to the sky as he thought.

Lizzy was sweet and loving and if asked, she would say that she didn't need anything. She had a weakness for cheap romantic serials and was fond of nuts, pistachios especially, and nothing made her happier than a couch, some friends and a cup of strong, black coffee.

In other words, she was nigh impossible to shop for.

"I don't know what to tell you buddy, maybe if your throw yourself at her knees, she won't hate you for the rest of her life." He chuckled slightly to himself, desperate or not, he doubted Cross would go that far. He paused and noticed that he had somehow lost his friend in the crowds.

Neah frowned, well he shouldn't be that hard to find, not many people stood out as much as Cross did. He made his way back into the crowd pushing and shoving against a current. For a moment he actually thought he was going to be trampled as a bunch of kids ran through holding large packages.

Damn Christmas needed to come with a warning label or something. Where the fuck did Cross go? Neah toyed momentarily with the idea of leaving Cross to fend for himself in this hell. He eventually decided against it. Cross would make it back somehow and Neah didn't really feel like dealing with the fallout later.

"There you are, thought I lost you there for a second." Neah sighed in relief as Cross appeared behind him. Neah first noticed the smile and the small package second. His curiosity burned.

"You got something? What'd you get her?" Neah reached out, but Cross pulled the package away, a teasing smirk on his face. Neah frowned, of course he would.

"No way, you wouldn't show me so I'm not going to show you. Fairs fair right?" Neah grumbled a little, but relented. There was no way the bastard had gotten something better than he did.

So they finally made it out of the crowds with their lives, but not their patience. Neah was certain he would've gone insane had that continued any longer. They weren't far from the Order and, since it was a nice evening, they decided to walk back. Now that all the shopping and hysteria was out of the way, he felt like he could finally begin to enjoy the season.

Or at least until he was woken up early the next morning for a day of endless torture.

"So," he started awkwardly, watching his breath fog in front of him. "You guys have any plans for tomorrow." Cross smirked and threw him a smug look that made Neah nervous.

"I don't know, it all really depends on you." He chuckled a little at Neah's bemused expression.

"The unofficial rule at the Order is that everyone gets Christmas day unless-" he threw Neah a glance "the Earl decides to cause mischief." He shrugged in exaggerated sadness.

"It's too bad I don't have someone, a friend of mine perhaps, close enough to the Earl to convince the bastard that a day off from evil might not be such a bad thing." Neah smiled leaning his head back and shoving his frozen fingers further into his pockets. Just because he was Noah didn't mean he was immune to the most basic of human ailments.

"I can't promise anything, but I'll give it a shot. He's always super happy during this season so I don't expect it to be a problem. Merry Christmas Cross, a paid vacation."

"I don't get paid." Neah rolled his eyes.

"A day in which you stand a relatively low chance of dying." Cross grinned.

"I do rather like living, so thank you, I couldn't have asked for a better present." Neah kept his smile up, but turned away a little.

All joking aside, it really was pretty sad. It brought him no end of guilt to think he was a member of the family that killed people, and more specifically, the organization which his friends worked for.

There were times he would wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night from a nightmare in which the Earl threw his friends' dead bodies onto a large pile of rotten flesh and decaying Akuma. It was on those nights; he would roll over, dig the carefully hidden rosary given to him awhile back by Lizzy from under his bed and pray for their safety until daybreak.

He hadn't asked to be a part of the Noah or to have the Earl's affection, but it still hurt to have his friend coming to him asking him to talk to his Lord, the most evil son of bitch ever spawned, about maybe giving them a day off.

It reminded him of his connection to the Earl and it made him feel sick.

"Stop that," Neah looked up to see Cross glaring at him lightly. "Stop sulking like you did something wrong," Neah's look of surprise must have amused Cross for he chuckled again.

"Really Neah, you're a nice guy and a heluva fighter, but you're as easy to read as a book." He sighed in way that he did when he had to explain something simple. "I don't care that you know the Earl, in fact, I feel bad that you have to spend a significant amount of time with him. And anyway, it doesn't really matter if we have tomorrow off or not." He shrugged.

"It would nice and all, but we would still enjoy the holiday even if we were on a mission. That's what Christmas is about, presents and chestnuts are fun, but it's really about doing something stupid with the people you care about." He grinned cheekily.

"So do your best to get us that day off, but either way, you are coming to visit us as soon as you're done with whatever shit's going on in Edo. It just wouldn't be Christmas without our traitor Noah with us to celebrate with." Neah smiled and felt a little better. He shoved Cross.

"You're such a softy Cross and probably stupid to trust me, but thanks." Cross shoved him back.

"Shut up, I am not soft; I just wanted you to stop your whining. It's fucking Christmas and I didn't want you to upset the girls with your pouting." Neah smiled and said nothing. It would be his other present to Cross, he'd let Cross have his little secret.

Cross could pretend he was a cold, heartless, bastard but Neah, and probably Lizzy and Maria by this point, would know that Cross was actually a nice guy. And unlike the Christmas season which would come and go, Cross's kindness would continue.

Until Neah pissed him off to which he would revert back to being a bastard.

_Eh,_ Neah shrugged, _he could live with that_.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Christmas Day dawned on the Black Order and most people didn't even realize it.

The usual alarms and bells that alerted exorcists of their missions remained silent and most slept hours past their normal hour of awakening. As the exorcists slowly rose, rubbing the last bits of a comfortable sleep from their eyes, they realized that a Christmas miracle had descended upon them as they were granted one glorious day without worry, fear or Akuma.

As everyone else thanked God, three exorcists smiled to themselves and rolled over in their warm beds knowing who it was they really should be thanking.

The two European exorcists met up, smiled and chatted lightly for a few hours. Happy and content, the two kids sat around uneasy and anxiously awaiting their other members. At around noon, after more than three hours waiting in the chilly science department, Neah and Maria arrived with a bag of presents and a Santa hat.

None asked Neah how it was Edo and he was not forthright with the information. Some things were best left to weep over alone in the middle of the night.

Gifts were exchanged and hot chocolate was consumed by the gallon.

Maria was in a world of pleasure as she wore her glittery green scarf from Lizzy and played with the puzzle box from Neah. The gift that brought her the most joy was the giant box of ribbons, string, and other little odds and ends from Cross.

Cross kept himself from fiddling with Lizzy's gift and she was pleased to note how he would occasionally turn to look at it, as if he couldn't wait to tear into it. Maria's gloves would also come in handy later when it was too cold for him properly work his hands.

And even though Neah probably had intended it to be funny, Cross was pretty sure he would enjoy the book of spells Neah gave him. He frowned, honestly, these people fought demons and monsters and they didn't believe in magic?

Lizzy had enjoyed all of the presents she had received. From Maria a large box of assorted chocolate covered nuts that Lizzy adored with a passion. Neah had smiled gently as he pinned her hair up with a preserved Lotus blossom from Edo. It was gorgeous, too gorgeous to even think of wearing on a mission, but it would look simply magnificent by her mirror where she would see it every day.

And Cross, dear sweet Cross, he'd had the cutest blush on his face as he gave her his present. It was a small silver crucifix, light and durable, it shone beautifully in the light. As he clipped it around her neck, he told her that no matter where she went, she would always have at least one cross.

The two boys sat next to each other, not willing to looking her in the eye. She clasped her hands to her chest and realized just how lucky she was.

A kiss on their red cheeks seemed pittance for all they'd given her.

Neah himself was pleased with what he got, Cross had probably only been half joking when he gave Neah a book on self-defense. He could only rely on his Noah powers for so long before he came across an enemy he couldn't defeat with them alone. The thought frightened him a little, but it also made him glad that his friend was concerned for his safety. Maria's gift, however unusual, was delightful in its own way. The horrors endured last night and this morning would be paid in full on the hapless statue, right after he washed all of the cider from his hair.

And then there was Lizzy. Aside from the kiss-just thinking about it made him flush with delight-Lizzy had given him a small frame, in it was a picture of the four of them, taken at the last exorcist's ball.

It was silly and ridiculous, but he'd never owned a picture of them before.

"Thank you Lizzy." He whispered, clutching the picture to his chest. He couldn't keep it in his room in Edo; it was too dangerous if anyone decided to check out his room. He rolled his eyes in thought; he would just have to put it in his secret piano room- Oh he'd almost forgot.

"I um I have one last thing for all of you, it's not really a Christmas gift, but it should make things a little easier for us." He said slowly reaching into his bag and pulling out three metal devices.

"It's um a little um well I don't really have a name for it yet, but it serves as a signal for when you need me." As he handed them out he held one up.

"You see if you press this left white button here, it tells me that Maria in America needs a lift or just wants to talk, the red button next to it says that Maria has an emergency and needs me right now. Same for Lizzy and Cross on the right side. It's always hard to coordinate our trips and this I hope will make it a little easier." He smiled as his friends looked over the things.

"So what you're telling us," Cross drolled. "Is that you're giving yourself for Christmas?" Neah shrugged. "Sounds like prostitution if you ask me." Lizzy giggled and Maria's eyes lit up.

"Oh so what do you do on your trips Biscuit? Will you do a little dance for me?" Neah flushed.

"N-no, it's-it's not like that! It's just you know in case you need me and because I'm so far away and you can't call me or anything I just thought it would be-"

"Hey look it's snowing!" Neah's explanatory rant was cut short by Maria's statement. He turned and saw white fluff gathering on the window sill. Maria laughed and ran over to the window.

"There's so much out here! It must have snowed during the night, look Lizzy, look how pretty it is!" the two girls giggled and snuggled by the window, enjoying the simple glory of the year's first snowfall. Cross smiled to himself and walked over to Neah.

"It never ceases to amaze me how something as natural as snow could amuse people so much." Neah rolled his eyes and jumped to his feet, stretching out his arms.

"It may be ordinary and a naturally occurring event, but still," Neah said, gesturing to the window. "It is beautiful and look at how happy they are over there. Didn't someone once say that it's the simplest pleasures in life that are the best?" Cross shrugged understanding and not understanding at the same time.

He was at heart, a scientist, and he could never see the big deal of crystalized water molecules.

But still he watched the girls, and now Neah, marvel as the white fluff dreamily fell to the earth and he thought maybe it didn't matter. Maybe on this their first Christmas together, maybe he could put aside his grudges and view the world with a little less cynicism and little more wonder.

Not a snowball's chance in Hell, but it was nice to think maybe someday.

**DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM**

"Happy New Year's Cross!" It took all of Cross's training to avoid the leaping exorcist. He supposed that he shouldn't be surprised after all this time together, but he still jumped anyway. Maria giggled as she ruffled his hair. "Oh little Mari is so adorable, now tell Auntie Maria your New Year's resolution." Cross swatted her patronizing hand away and put on his traditional scowl.

"Goddammit Maria, how many time do I have to tell you, don't call me that."

Maria laughed loudly, attracting the attention of the other exorcists. Some raised their eyebrows in puzzlement, taking note of the black exorcist's coat, but not recognizing her as part of their Branch.

Lucky for them, no one was courageous enough to ask why Maria was here in England.

"What the hell are you even doing here? Why aren't you at the North American base where you belong?" Cross asked honestly confused. It wasn't very often he saw Maria without Neah as he was her primary mode of transportation across continents. She rocked back and forth on her feet with a sweet, innocent little face that bespoke guilt.

"What? I can't come see my delectably sexy Cross on New Year's Eve? Maybe I just wanted to stop by European Headquarters; it is much bigger and more ornate than the North American Branch." Cross felt very uncomfortable by the smile she was flashing him, smiles like that were usually followed by attempted rape. "So which way is your room?" as he was saying.

Cross started to slowly back up, inching himself away from the larger exorcist.

"You know Maria, it has been nice to see you but uh Master is expecting me to um help him clean his office so if you don't mind..." He hated running from a fight, but goddammit, you just didn't win fights with Maria. If you survived then you should consider yourself lucky.

Before he could turn and run she grabbed his arm and using her larger size, started dragging him to an undisclosed location. He struggled, but refused to cry for help.

If he was going down, he was going down with dignity.

Maria hummed a little song as she dragged the thrashing exorcist down the long hallways, eliciting all other personnel to quickly step to the side. No one was crazy enough to actually confront her.

Cross was a good man, he would be missed dearly.

Kicking open a door at the end of the long hallway, Cross noticed they were in the science department, which was currently being renovated after a nasty glue bomb exploded. Cross wondered with dismay if they ever got those poor people detached from the walls.

Cross stopped his squirming to see Neah and Lizzy sitting on an overturned desk, Lizzy waved as they entered. She looked lovely in a knee length blue velvet dress which fit her rather nicely.

"What are you guys doing here?" he asked before fabric was thrown in his face. He glared as Neah grinned heartily at him.

"Hurry up and put those on, the four of us are going on a New Year's extravaganza and we will not let any silly Akuma spoil the evening. So get out of that exorcist's uniform, you're like a bleeding sign." As he held up the clothes to himself, it took him a minute to realize they were actually his.

"Oh yeah, Lizzy and I raided your room and got those, hope you don't mind. Maria needs to change too; there are no complaints to sharing a changing room?" Cross hated Neah when he got into his cocky asshole mood, Maria held up her own dress and loudly proclaimed.

"I don't need a dressing room! We can change here right Mari?" but Cross had already left, so Maria shrugged and proceeded to unbutton her coat.

When Cross returned a few minutes later in civilian clothes he found Neah twitching on the desk, bleeding profusely from his nose. Maria giggled and spun around to show off her sea green dress.

Cross smirked to himself; well they were certainly in for one hell of an evening.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Lizzy smoothed out her dress as they entered the Ark. She had planned to wear something more… conservative, but Neah had assured her that she looked good in this dress. Having her legs and arms so exposed, it was unnatural. She'd feel a little better if she had her guns on her, but Neah insisted that this was strictly an evening of fun. He had looked at her with a light smile as he played with her hair.

"If we should come across any threats, be them human or demon, I'll protect you. Don't worry." Though honestly she wasn't sure if she felt touched or annoyed by his statement. But still, it had been a while since they'd had an evening on the town without worrying about missions.

She kicked up dust walking through the Ark; she never thought she would get used to this, the Earl's technology. She had almost forgotten what it had been like to ride on a boat or train, Neah just transported them wherever they were needed.

Neah stopped in front of a door and grinned widely pulling out a long sheet of paper.

"Alright I have this all planned out, so get ready for a good time. The problem with New Year's is that it's too short, the high lasting only a few seconds. So we're going to make that brief moment last all evening all across the world." Neah said brightly.

"It's three thirty here in London so it's about eleven thirty pm in Washington D.C. We're going to start there with a light dinner and once we reach midnight there, we'll hop over to some other countries and experience their celebration just as they reach it. I've planned several stops this evening, so we'd better get going!" With that said, he threw open the door leading to America's capital. The sky glittered as the New Year drew ever closer, such reflection were cut short by Maria.

Maria claimed that, this being her home country and all, she could navigate them to Lincoln memorial for the best view. They did, however, end up lost and only a map got them to their desired location. They got there just in time to enjoy the celebration before moving on.

They quickly jumped over to La Paz, San Juan, Santiago (Where Maria got pickpocketed and they were forced to leave prematurely due to the damage she inflicted getting her purse back) and Lisbon.

Each city they would drop in would be just before midnight and experience the thrill over and over.

Neah guaranteed the Ark would be undisturbed for the evening so they had a merry time running back and forth through the Ark to the various cities all across the globe.

Ringing in the New Year in London from atop of exorcist Headquarters they crossed over to Paris, Rome (where Cross was pushed into a fountain by an angry Italian woman), Copenhagen, Berlin, Vienna (A little girl attached to Neah's leg and decided he was her daddy. She didn't let go until her actual father showed up and took her away).

They then visited Warsaw, Bombay and Sydney (Some drunk schmuck tried to hit on Lizzy only to be beaten back by her gallant protectors, Maria flirtatiously slipped him her number.) Where they sat now, enjoying the gorgeous view of fireworks and throngs of celebrating people.

The kids were still panting from a long run, Cross and Neah wasted a lot time beating up the poor drunk and they'd almost missed the show. They leaned against each other, enjoying the thrill of the night's events and each other's company.

"This has got to be the best New Year's ever" Neah proclaimed as he fiddled with the various pieces of party jewelry he received in Paris, Rome and Berlin.

Cross leaned back, soaking in the moonlight tinted by the colorful explosives. His hair was in a wet, messy tail because a jealous girlfriend had mistaken his identity and pushed him into a fountain in Rome.

Maria was still shivering from the Moscow weather, the short dress looked adorable but it wasn't really appropriate attire for Russia in December.

Lizzy herself was just savoring this moment of the four of them together without worries.

Here on the other side of the world, there was no Earl, no Noah, no war, no death, only four silly kids on an Australian rooftop enjoying the show. Soon it would all be over and they'd drag their tired feet through the Ark where they'd be dropped off at their bases and sleep a ridiculously short time before reentering the real world.

Neah told the Earl he'd be with his brother all night so he was going to keep good on his promise and spend the rest of the night with him. While Cross explained the details about the mechanics of fireworks, Neah excitedly planned the next year's festivities.

A new year, a time for growth and change, would death greet them this year or prosperity?

She sighed and leaned on Cross's shoulder, he put his arm around her waist as the last of the fireworks tapered off. Neah leaned over and rested a hand on her other arm. Maria just sighed, taking in the splendor of something bigger than her. They were ready for whatever came their way this year, together they were invincible.

_What a wonderful life,_ Lizzy thought as the lights faded softly into that good night.

* * *

_I need a love to keep me happy,_

_I need a love to keep me happy._

_Baby, baby keep me happy._

_Baby, baby keep me happy. ~ The Rolling Stones_

* * *

This is the holiday chapter, yey! It's funny because despite the fact that of this all occurs in December, I wrote these in July (shrugs). I know it seems pointless, but things will start picking up soon as the troubles really begin. Next chapter is my Noah Chapter in which I actually show the major members of my Noah family, tremble all ye who dare continue on. Hope you all are enjoying this, don't worry, next chapter ends the first year. Only two years more to go!

_Happy_ (c) is a product of The Rolling Stones


	8. Ballroom Blitz

_Disclaimer: I do not own any part of D. Gray-man nor any of its characters. I can only close my eyes and quietly play dress up with said characters in my head and hope I'm not desecrating Hoshino Katsura's work too much._

For those of you who care, Author's Notes will be at the end of every chapter and any and all questions will be gleefully answered if asked.

* * *

_Oh, it's been getting so hard_

_Living with the things you do to me_

_My dreams are getting so strange_

_I'd like to tell you everything I see._

* * *

Neah shifted his feet and stared up at the ceiling. Just when he had thought life couldn't get any worse.

"Hey!_ Crétin _(1), pay attention I was just getting to the best part, I was surrounded by four exorcists, no it was more like fourteen, all armed to the teeth with their Innocence. It was a brutal, dirty fight; this one girl was whipping this sword around like crazy and cut me across my arm. It hurt like a bitch let me tell you, Neah never let yourself get hit by Innocence, it does things to you- are you even listening to me?"

Neah's eye twitched as he forced a smile and nodded, how long did he have to endure this?

He really, really wanted to be anywhere but here: hanging with the guys somewhere in the world, playing cards with Rhode, being torn apart by a pack of rabid wolves, anything was better than quality time with his favorite murderer, pardon, brother.

"_Petit frère!_ Look at me when I am regaling you with my tales of heroism!" Neah felt Denis smack his head; he rubbed the injured area as Denis frowned impatiently. Denis observed him coolly for another moment before smiling knowingly; he pulled back and folded his arms across his lap.

They were in one of the larger rooms of the Ark, the area usually reserved for when the Noah, namely Edmund, needed to let loose some anger and go ape shit on a bunch of innocent junk. The remains of a sofa in the corner bespoke the violence inflicted it upon it yesterday during another of Edmund's rages.

They shared one of the larger non-damaged couches. Denis flipped his dark golden hair as he uncrossed his legs. After all, it would be such a shame to wrinkle those expensive pants of his.

Was Neah bitter?

Not in the fucking least.

"You know pet, I believe I know what the problem is and I understand completely. I don't know why I did not see it before. As magnificent as my tales are, you are still inexperienced in the ways of death; you cannot understand the glory of them sitting in this bleak room." Said Denis, gesturing to the wreckage around them, Neah resisted the urge to sigh and rub his head.

He had officially become Denis's new pet project; the bastard was determined to train him to be a better Noah. The Earl, of course, openly encouraged this, and made sure the two were alone during their sessions. Neah himself, desperately sought escape each time Denis expected him.

But being a Noah and thus immune to every known disease and ailment, his options were limited.

And the worst part? He had to pretend that he _enjoyed_ these little insanity sessions, that he simply _couldn't wait_ to hear Denis talk of all the people he's felled.

He had to keep up his loyal little Noah image up, for now at least. That and he was too afraid to back down fearing that Analyse would reveal to the Earl his dealings with the exorcists.

Either way, it was a lose/lose situation. He just sucked it up the best he could, it was like a small child getting a shot, traumatizing and horrific, but something that had to be done. Neah honestly had no idea what Denis was talking about now. Neah wasn't really paying attention anyway; he was doing his best not to visualize Denis dismembering some poor exorcist. Denis stood up and paced back and forth.

"Yes, you cannot learn these things indoors, just like the beautiful ballerina who must practice her dance, so too must you experience this up close and in person to truly grasp its beauty." Neah gulped, he wanted to take him out and… oh no, no way.

Ever since his slip at the Exorcist's ball a few months back, Neah had been especially attentive to his Inner Noah and keeping it contained. Unfortunately, the incident had made its presence more prominent in Neah's mind. It scarcely seemed like he had a moment's peace anymore from the wicked whispers.

Even now, as Denis spoke of practicing killing, he could hear the pleasant voice encouraging him to embrace the darkness and to succumb to his destiny and fight alongside the Earl.

_You can't change fate,_ it purred lovingly.

"It will be so much fun, pet, I will even let you pick the location and we shall begin _d'accord_ (2)?" Denis said with a menacing grin. Neah had no idea what to do. He couldn't exactly refuse Denis's plan, but there was no way in hell he was actually going on a killing spree with his psychotic brother. Before he could say a word, the older Noah grabbed his hand and began dragging him down the hallway.

"_Maître_ Earl will be so pleased, let us tell him of our plans and we shall be on our way. Oh, and before we leave, we will have Analyse make some of her famous weisswurst. I tell you pet, there is nothing better to follow a good slaughter than enjoying a meal hand made by a beautiful woman." Neah swore colorfully under his breath. Screw what these crazy people thought of him, he would not go kill a bunch of people just to satisfy Denis and this family's delusions.

Or eat veal and pork bacon if he could help it.

He had one shot at this; maybe he could still avert this disaster in the making.

"Come on Denis, we don't need to do this. You know how busy the Earl, we can go ask him another time." But Denis would not hear a word he said, he only continued down the hallway explaining the delight of fresh blood running down one's fingers. As they turned the corner, they nearly ran into Amora. She brushed her thick black hair from her face as she looked them over.

"If you're planning on molesting the boy, I'd suggest you go the other way. The Earl wouldn't like it if you were to plunder the boy's purity near his room." Oh great, just another thing for him to worry about. Denis laughed heartily; Neah winced at the sound.

"Oh Amora you brutal, sexy beast, I am doing nothing of the sort. In fact, Neah and I were going to see the Earl right now and discuss plans to leave Edo and make a real killer out of him." Neah looked up at his sister, she sneered in disgust. "Really, I tell you he has potential." Denis said, seeing her expression.

"I have never understood why you waste your time on this child. He is hopeless Denis; the best we can hope for is that he dies soon and that his replacement actually has a spine." That was the thing with Amora; she told you exactly what she thought when she thought it, even if you were standing right in front of her. Neah's pride churned virulently inside him.

Bitch had no idea what he went through on a daily basis, he had more balls going against the Earl than the other 13 Noah had in all their reincarnations. Taking a deep steadying breath, Neah clenched his fists to prevent himself from punching her smirking face. Being the Noah of Pride and all, there were some lines with him you just simply did not cross. Denis gripped his shoulders and laughed.

"You see Amora; the boy is not completely pathetic. I can only imagine what he wants to do to you right now." She leaned down until she was at his eye level and grinned widely.

"Is that true Neah-pet? Do you want to kill me? And tell me, just how will you go about doing that, will you dismember me-

_That bitch, who the fuck does she think she is treating me like this? I swear to God when the time comes she's going to really feel it; I'm going to not only make her death long and painful, but humiliating. That's the worst thing I can do to her is to take away her precious superiority and power and make her realize what it's like to be the underdog for fucking once-_

- or just stab me?" she questioned, cheekily patting his head. He sneered, one of these days he would do something vile and horrific to all these bastards. He ignored the delight his inner Noah expressed at this.

"Alright, alright, stop abusing our poor, little brother. You never know Amora, my training might pay off and one day he'll come after you." Amora threw her head back and laughed unattractively.

One of these days, every dog has his day after all…

"I think I'll take my chances. Have fun playing patty cake, _adios mis hermanos _(3)." Denis chuckled as she sauntered down the hallway; he started dragging Neah in the direction of the Earl's study again.

"That is the most beautiful, most vicious woman I have ever met. Do not take it personally pet, I honestly wouldn't be upset if you taught her a lesson." Neah tried to brush off the anger he felt, he was going kill all these monsters someday. He smiled a little at that, yes someday.

But not today.

He felt his anger and confidence drain upon reaching the Earl's door.

Had he just been thinking of killing the Noah? No of course not, he was going to hide under his bed now.

Denis knocked loudly on the door and Neah briefly considered running away; he was smaller and more agile than Denis, if he went now, he could probably get away. However, the doors had already swung open and Denis stepped in.

Denis paused, realizing he had forgotten something important, turned around and grabbed Neah roughly by the forearm and then continued onward dragging Neah behind him.

The Earl sat in the center of the room surrounded by telephones as he directed his human and Akuma pawns. Neah felt sick just standing there listening to the Earl order a stealthy attack on the crew of some boat called the _Mary Celeste_. The two boys stood there silently while he finished his conversation, after a minute, he set down the phone and grinned at them. Neah broke out in a cold sweat and his heart raced unnaturally as he struggled to keep his outward expressions calm.

"Well, well what a lovely surprise this is and to what do I owe this pleasure?" Denis smiled, not appearing the least distressed about being in the Earl's presence. Though perhaps it was because _he_ hadn't betrayed his family by working with the enemy by plotting to kill the Earl.

Neah smiled humbly at his Lord and Master, he just hoped to make it out of this room alive.

"Well, as you know, I'm trying to bring out Neah's Inner Noah so he could better serve you in your quest to destroy the exorcists. I have come to realize that this is not a task best accomplished indoors, so I came to ask permission to take my darling, little brother outside Edo to give him some real hands on experience." Denis said having the gall to look excited. Crap, Neah was supposed to look like that too.

Neah managed to put on a strangled smile that more suited someone about to have a limb amputated.

The Earl contemplated this idea, rubbing his chin thoughtfully as he ignored the ringing telephones around him. Neah clenched his fists. Oh please God, for the first time ever would the bastard please do him a favor and forbid it. Oh please, be overprotective, please…

"Denis, that sounds like an excellent idea."

Shit, he wasn't surprised, but still, shit.

"In fact I have the perfect mission for you too. It would be a big help to me if you boys did this for me." The Earl searched through his pile for a moment before pulling out a wrinkled scrap of paper.

"Ah here it is, good thing you came now, I was just about to take care of this. A particularly stupid level two Akuma allowed himself to be captured by some exorcists at the Asian Branch. I was simply going to self-destruct him, but I think you two might have fun with this one. It should be very simple: go to the Asian Branch, destroy the Akuma before the exorcists get the chance to study it too closely and make it back home." Neah felt relieved, thank God, he was only going to kill Akuma.

Oh thank you Lord, he could handle that, he destroyed Akuma all the time.

"Oh and any pesky exorcists you see may also be eliminated for extra practice, just be discrete please, remember I want you children to remain secret." Neah winced, okay, so destroy the Akuma and keep his brother from killing anyone all without acting too suspicious, he could do that right?

"_Parfait _(4) my Lord, we shall set out immediately." Denis grinned he turned to Neah "Aren't you excited Neah, we're going to make a real man out of you yet. After we turn you into a killer, I'm going to teach you how to properly romance a beautiful woman." Neah was once again dragged out of the room despite the fact that he was fully capable of walking on his own thank you very much.

The Earl waved at them as they left the dark room. Sitting there in the chair waving, the Earl looked very much like a weathered, old housewife waving off the children to school. The image would've highly amused Neah had he not been so panicked.

"Bye bye boys, be careful and remember to have fun with it." Yes fun, because killing is _just_ what he wanted to do.

He should have just stayed in bed today.

**DGMDGMDGM**

"Alright Neah, we enter the Asian Branch right… about… here." Denis pointed to a spot in the middle of a map of the outer section of the Asian Branch. It didn't tell them anything they couldn't discover using their eyes, it only had the most basic of designs drawn years and years ago by one of the older Noah. It wasn't like any of the Noah had actually been in the base before.

Neah couldn't really concentrate; the overwhelming smell of Analyse's German cooking was too distracting. Denis made some vulgar comments about sausages that Analyse ignored as she gave him a dead smile handing him the weisswurst and sauerkraut. Analyse had never again mentioned that night in which she revealed to him that she knew of his infidelity.

She'd actually become a lot more open to him; there were times she would come up and just start talking to him for no reason that he could ever discern. He knew she was probably just testing his loyalty, seeing if he would come to his senses and ditch the exorcists.

There were times he couldn't believe he was still alive, that she had given him the chance to 'correct his mistakes'. It was slightly touching and even more disturbing.

The past hour had been spent preparing for their mission; Denis was pulling out all the stops to make sure that Neah would succeed. As Neah watched his siblings go to great lengths to help him, he couldn't help but feel a little guilty. He had betrayed these people for their enemies and was, in fact, plotting to kill them. It was times like these that he doubted himself and what he was doing.

He was a Noah, so really, what was he doing working with the exorcists?

"The Asian Branch has a tough Guardian who has guarded the Branch since its inception. We could break in using the Ark but that would draw too much attention to ourselves. As for the actual Akuma, it is being kept in the innermost section of the science department. To force our way through all those scientists would be delightful, but pretty obvious. Instead we will sneak into the base unnoticed and eliminate the Akuma before they even know we are there. It shall be pretty exciting Neah, we will be the first Noah ever to explore this deep into the exorcist's turf." Neah smiled as he recalled all the exorcist bases he had just walked into without a second thought. He probably knew more about what went inside the bases than all the Noah or even the Earl.

"Once we get near the Akuma we will dispose of it and, using the Ark, quickly make our escape. Most important is that we make sure no one discovers our existence as part of the clan of Noah. The Earl does not want them to know about us just yet, we cannot disturb his plans. If it comes down to it, we will retreat and destroy the Akuma later, do you understand?" Neah nodded, he just wanted to get this mission over as soon as possible.

"So Neah pet, are you up to the challenge? Are you ready to kill and slaughter?" Denis grinned vindictively and Neah's guilt morphed into disgust. Really, sometimes he thought he was too nice for his own good, he shouldn't feel guilty about this.

It seemed like every time he started to respect one of his siblings or find some scrap of humanity within them, they say something like that, figures.

Denis stood there, cheerfully grinning; they stood like that for a minute. It took Denis's slowly drooping smile for Neah to realize that he was supposed to be opening the Ark, beginning the mission. When Neah sheepishly smiled and opened the gate, Denis put his nose high in the air as he haughtily stepped through the Ark.

"Do not get in my way little brother and do not make me regret taking you." Neah, however, was already regretting the trip as he followed his elder sibling in and, giving one last forlorn look at the relative peace of Edo, shut the gate. The map was shoved in his face; he couldn't see anything, much less read it, and comprehend what Denis was asking.

"Alright this is important. If the alarm is pulled on us too soon the mission will be sunk and they'll put even higher security on that Akuma. The back entrance to the Asian Branch is here, in the side of a cliff in China. Using the Ark, you can get us there. The Guardian deity protects the Branch and guards the door, a momentary distraction is all we need to sneak past it. If all else fails, we can probably destroy it, or at least keep it quiet long enough to get in and out." Neah froze internally, kill the Guardian deity?

They could be just like Maria, hopeful and loving just trying protect their friends. H-he couldn't do it, he didn't care what Denis or anyone thought, he would not harm anyone. He glanced as Denis as he preened his manicured nails. If he played his cards rights, they just might be able to complete this mission without casualties and without raising suspicions.

Neah gave his neck a swift crack as he studied the map. It took a few seconds and some additional pictures for him realize that he had been to this base before.

It all came back to him. He and the guys had broken into the Asian Branch not long after they met Maria. Apparently some guy she had dated a while ago had transferred there and he took something of Maria's with him. He smiled slightly at the memory of Maria's big eyes begging him for the chance to reclaim her fencing helmet and to beat up her old boyfriend.

He couldn't recall any difficulty getting into the base..

Perhaps they could avoid the Guardian problem all together, sadly, he had been exhausted from several sleepless nights at the time, so his memory was a bit fuzzy. Shit, if only he could remember!

Denis huffed impatiently above him and Neah straightened up and opened a door. The misty Chinese breeze soothed him somewhat. They stood there on the rocks for a moment, as they stepped off the Ark, Denis's skin faded to his normal pale complexion. He winked. Thankfully no one ever brought up the fact that Neah only wore his Noah skin to Friday night dinner, now that would be hard to explain.

"It is not good to walk around public in your Noah skin, it attracts too much attention. When you are killing an exorcist though, it is very fun to reveal to them our nature. A final parting gift, so you may, for the entertainment their death brought you." Did he ever stop talking? Seriously, even a Noah had to breathe sometime. They looked up at the giant door looming before them. How the hell would they get in? Neah furrowed his brow, come on, think. It wasn't that long ago. Denis scratched his neck.

"Okay I'll admit this went better in my head, any ideas on how to get in pet?" Before he could make up an answer, the door glowed and sparked and out stepped a girl about thirteen or so. She huffed with annoyance as the two boys froze where they stood.

"What the hell? Can't you science department losers get it right? Ya didn't have to climb back up here again; ya just had to knock on the door at base of the cliff. Yer buddies already came in an hour ago, ya get lost in town or something?" Neah sighed in relief. Now he remembered, Maria had schmoozed with the Guardian for a few minutes and got them in, no questions asked.

He'd almost forgotten how off put he was by this crass demon disguised as a little girl. He felt Denis tense and prepare to attack; Neah quickly reacted and halted him with a pat on the shoulder.

"What can we say? It was a nice day and the walk wasn't too bad. It gets so cramped inside the base that the extra couple miles felt pretty good. Would you mind letting us in so we don't have to walk anymore? It's been nice, but I think my feet are going to fall off, I don't think I've walked this much in my entire life." Neah grinned; the Guardian tilted her head and rolled her eyes.

Denis smiled grimly as one tends to do when their great aunt tries to kiss them. _Just keep it up a little longer Denis, in and out, that is all this is, _Neah thought anxiously. The Guardian opened a small doorway on the side just big enough for them to get through. She brought a fin like hand to her lips.

"Alright, but I'm technically not supposed to let anyone through this way, so don't tell Branch Chief Chang or she'll have my head." _Check and mate,_ Neah thought as he smiled gratefully to the girl, he grabbed Denis by the hand and walked through. All they had to do was kill the Akuma and- a hand on his shoulder stopped him, he turned to see the girl looking at them forcefully.

"Sorry, but um I'm going to need to see some sort of ID or something. It'll be bad if you two turn out to be Akuma or something." Neah gave a choked, nervous laugh in response, hell, they were worse than Akuma. "I've got a good memory for faces. I'm positive I've seen you before with some other kids, but I don't recognize pretty boy here." For some reason the mere mention of his exorcist friends relaxed him.

That's right, part of the time he was an exorcist, so why not live it up?

"No I'm the one who is sorry, as we were coming up the cliff we realized that we left our ID's in our lab coats. It was so bleak in here; we were in such a hurry to get out that we forgot them. My friend here has just transferred from the North American base. I used to know him there, so I've been helping him adjust. I don't want to get you in trouble, so why don't we run to the lab and grab our ID's and show them to you to a minute. We need to come back this way anyway to give some test results to Chief Chang." There were a few moments of tense silence as Neah wondered if he pushed too hard, it would be impossible to protect her from Denis if he decided to attack.

She let go of his shoulder and gave him a brusque tilt of the head in the direction of the bases interior, it may have been the light, but there seemed to be the barest hint of a smile on her face.

Maria took her duties as Branch Guardian very seriously; this girl probably did as well.

"You science department idiots may be brilliant, but you'd forget that head of yours if it wasn't screwed on. I might not be so generous next time, so remember your ID's from now on. And you, kid, you'd better be careful. That trusting smile of yours will get you in trouble one of these days. Now get, before I change my mind."

Neah smiled back at her, oh yeah, he still had it.

He quickly made his way into the base, followed directly by Denis, out of the corner of his eye he saw the girl fade back into the large door. As they rounded the corner and out of sight, he was pushed hard against the wall as Denis got directly into his face.

Neah grimaced, hell; he avoided being killed by the Guardian only to be killed by his supposed brother. As he expected severe punishment, he was instead surprised as Denis grinned widely and kissed Neah on both cheeks. He winced as the kisses stung slightly, close proximity with the dark matter of the Earl and the Noah had become painful after the incident with Rachel.

"Neah, _mon amour _(5), you were brilliant. My goodness, Shakespeare himself would weep at your slick silver tongue as you deceived that vexatious Guardian. I always knew you were smart, smart like a fox. I feared we would have to fight, but now we are in and, more importantly, we are still concealed from the exorcists! Keep this up and you'll soon be leading the Earl's army. We will get you out of that boring Ark before you know it." Neah chuckled lightly as he tried to remove Denis's hands from his body.

He may have just doomed himself in a completely different way. Denis ignored Neah's discomfort and lazily slung an arm around his shoulder and pulled him close.

"Yes sir, I am going to keep my lucky charm close to me. Now we just need to find that Akuma." Neah groaned to himself. Great, now Denis would never leave him alone. One hell substituted for another. Neah shrugged Denis shoulder off of him and took a step away.

"Alright, we don't want to draw any attention to ourselves. It would be a good idea to get some lab coats so we won't be harassed anymore. We don't want to dawdle either, in and out remember? The longer we're in here, the higher chance we have of being caught." That and the higher the probability that Denis would snap and kill some innocent humans. The best thing for them was for him to keep his volatile brother calm and controlled.

"So smart _mon renard (_6), so smart." Neah felt himself smile against his will. His obnoxious pride adored any sort of praise, even if it was from someone he despised. It had been the reason he started playing the piano oh so long ago, he needed some way to impress his disinterested parents.

A few exorcists walked by, Denis looked away in revulsion while Neah kept walking; he even gave them a polite nod. He was so comfortable around exorcists; sometimes he forgot he was supposed to hate these people. "So where do we go now?" he looked over at Denis and sighed.

He could vaguely remember this layout; he could recall thinking how this place made European Headquarters look like the bleeding Mardi Gras. But he still had no idea where they were and with his sense of direction; they'd probably end up right back in Edo.

"I don't know Denis, it's not like I've been here before." Well actually yes he had, but that was irrelevant. Denis glared down at him.

"Well what are we supposed to do know you idiot? We're supposed to blend in, wasn't that your plan? Wandering around aimlessly will only make us more suspicious." Neah's eye twitched, already feeling a headache coming on.

He knew from experience that very few people who worked for the Order actually paid attention to one another; they could walk around singing 'God Save the Queen' and not be noticed. Too many strange things happened behind these walls so it took alot for something to register as strange to an exorcist.

Of course to be fair, Denis was not privy to this information.

"Don't worry, we'll find our way there eventually." Now he was getting pissed, when the hell did Denis become such a complainer? Neah observed Denis shift uncomfortably, his eyes darting over the base anxiously. "And what the hell is your problem anyways?" Denis continued glaring at him, but it wasn't very effective. Denis huffed in irritation as he warily observed his surroundings.

"I think I should be asking you the same question. How can you be so relaxed here? We're dead in the middle of the exorcist's territory; my skin has been crawling since the moment we walked in here. I feel like I'm being flayed alive and that everybody's watching us, judging us, waiting for us to slip up." Neah raised an amused eyebrow, he understood the feeling well, he experienced it daily in Edo. Neah ran a hand through his hair.

If Denis was this uncomfortable, he'd be even more prone to violence.

"Alright, there are some science division personnel over there, I'll just go ask. Believe it or not, communication is a universal device; even the Black Order uses it." He grinned slightly walking away with the image of Denis's burning cheeks and extended middle finger in his mind.

**DGMDGMDGM**

"So that's the Akuma?" Denis whistled as they entered the wing of the science department. Neah was able to get the directions no questions asked as the scientists cheerfully pointed the way to the Akuma. No one thought it was strange for them to ask, apparently the whole base was buzzing over the opportunity to study a captured Akuma up close.

Neah would feel worse about destroying such an important asset to the Order if he didn't have unlimited access to an innumerable amount of Akuma. He could give Cross all the information and blueprints he wanted on them.

The technology was actually interesting and quite impressive; he and Cross occasionally talked of lobotomizing an Akuma skeleton one of these days and using the parts for something else. But again, it probably wouldn't happen, just one of those things guys talked about while the girls were gone.

The personnel were taking no chances with the demon. It was completely blocked in by numerous large talismans that kept the demon in place. Also slightly more worrisome were the three exorcists standing in the corner sipping coffee, their Innocence strapped at their sides, ready for use.

Neah frowned; they had 'liberated' some abandoned lab coats outside the bathroom and now completely blended into the surroundings. It would still be extremely hard to kill this thing, it would be near impossible just to get at it and even if they did, the exorcists would be on them before they could blink. He rolled his shoulders causing them to crack loudly, Denis practically jumped out of his skin.

"Must you do that? I'm sure someone heard you." Neah was certain he was going to kill him before the exorcists even had a chance to touch him. He discretely observed the Akuma, ignoring the way Denis suspiciously eyed the surrounding exorcists.

"Let's take a closer at the Akuma, maybe we can find a way to destroy it from there." Denis sniffed, but dutifully followed him. Neah had to admit, he was pleased to see his usually dominating older brother taking orders from him for once.

Walking up to the Akuma, he grabbed a nearby clipboard off a table so he appeared somewhat official. The Akuma shifted in its cell and clawed numbly at the barrier. It calmly observed the various scientists bustling around him.

Neah couldn't help but feel a little bad for it, trapped, alone and unsure in its cell, awaiting inevitable death either at the hands of the Earl or the exorcists. He brushed aside such thoughts, now was certainly not the time for compassion and for an Akuma of all things.

The problem was eliminating the Akuma without any attracting any unnecessary attention to themselves. He may have been on the Order's side, but he understood that their clan should remain a secret. The war was crazy enough as it is without adding the Noah element to it.

He looped around the whole barrier, studying it and looking for weaknesses that could exploited. Rounding the back, he noticed the power source for the talismans.

He smirked, perfect.

They couldn't outright attack the Akuma, but if it just_ happened_ to escape; why they'd be reprimanded for _not_ killing it. Denis observed on the other side of the barrier, Neah nodded for him to come over. Denis ambled over and, not looking up from his clipboard, Neah said.

"Denis, as discreetly as possible, use 'choose' to mess with the talismans so they'll fail. Don't make it too obvious, make it look like the machine short circuited. The barrier will fall, the exorcists destroy the Akuma before it does any harm and we'll quietly slip away." The grin that graced Denis's face was a bit too sadistic for Neah's liking; it usually appeared just before something horrific happened.

"_Mon renard_, you are so brilliant. Yes, we will slay the Akuma and the exorcists will be none the wiser. It will only take a moment, but it would still be good to distract them." Neah nodded.

"Yeah, don't worry, as I'm sure you are well aware, I'm good at making a fool of myself. There won't be an eye on you while you work." Denis chuckled and placed a friendly hand on his shoulder.

"You are strange little brother and I'm not sure I'll ever completely understand you. But you are family and I'm certain someday you'll make quite the Noah." Neah gulped and stared up at Denis with wide eyes. This was the closest he had ever come to any sort of real bonding with Denis. His treachery burned deep in his heart.

He was going to _kill _this man and he was okay with that?

He smiled guiltily and quickly turned from his brother. He'd worry about all that later, swallowing the lump in his throat, he scanned the people around him.

Through common sense, he was able to identify the Branch Chief, a severe looking Chinese woman in a decorated uniform barking orders every which way. Neah decided it wouldn't be wise to mess with her.

The messy haired, absent-minded man next her seemed more appropriate. Neah grinned, he would never hurt anyone, but he was always up for a little mischief. Neah slowly made his way over to cheerful man who was chatting with a young scientist. Once he got close enough, he loudly shouted and pretended to trip. The man turned around at the sound and was shocked to see Neah practically on top of him.

Not only did Neah fall on top of the unfortunate man, but he took the poor man's pants as he fell.

Neah certainly had all eyes on him as he reoriented himself on the floor holding a high ranking official's pants. The man turned beet red as he realized he was standing in a populated room in only his undergarments. Neah looked up at him and grinned sheepishly.

"I am so sorry; I guess I lost my footing." A tall shadow appeared over him, he craned his neck to see the angry looking Branch Chief glaring distastefully down at him. Well shit.

"I would suggest you pay more attention to where you are walking, this situation could have been a lot worse than you embarrassing my husband." Neah bowed his head submissively in apology.

The floor rattled beneath them causing the Assistant Chief to fall to his knees, they all turned to the Akuma where it rattled and beat against its cage. Even from across the room, they could see the ever-growing cracks in the barrier. The pants incident was quickly forgotten as everyone snapped to action.

"Brenner, check the talismans, fix whatever you can. Marcus, go get some replacements, if those fail we need to keep the specimen contained. Lewis, go get those damn exorcists. Also alert Fou, if that thing escapes, we may need her protection. Edgar, pull your pants up and get all non-combatants to safety." Everyone moved so fast, three people futilely ran to the sparking talismans to try and repair them, but it was already too late. The Akuma had already broken free of its confines, causing the unfortunate people near the barrier to be violently blown back.

"Fooooooooooooools! Did you really think such pathetic mortal technology could stop an Akuma such as myself? I will kill and slaughter you all for your arrogance in the name of my Lord and liege, the Millennium Earl!" Crap, okay now things were getting out of control.

He had to destroy the Akuma before it kept good on its promise, where was an exorcist when you needed one? Denis appeared behind him and put his strong hands on Neah's shoulders. He could feel the delight radiating off the older man. Denis stood there grinning as the panicked screams of people echoed through the air.

"The sound of screaming humans is truly a cure for all ailments. Listen to it little brother and listen well. This is what it means to be a Noah, to revel in the sensation of death and crave its ecstasy. Their feeble God cannot help them now, they are at our mercy now Neah. Enjoy this power; its taste truly is sweet." Neah roughly shook Denis from his shoulders and ran in the direction of the Akuma.

What had he been thinking? These-these monsters weren't his family. His family was a ragtag group of crazy, but lovable, exorcists. The Noah may have been humans worthy of mercy at some point in their lives, but the dark matter and the Earl had twisted them.

He wasn't one of them and he never will be.

He found the Akuma hovering over a group of frightened scientists, one of them fumbling with one of the broken talismans. Some of the people just sat there holding themselves as fearful tears spilled.

"That flimsy device cannot protect you from Invader Gib! I will gleefully consume your meaty brains." It leaned down to feast when a sharp whistle pulled the Akuma's attention away from the terrified humans; it took Neah a moment to realize it was him. The Akuma tilted its head in confusion, recognizing Neah for what he was, but wondering why he was being stopped.

"Come on ugly, follow me over here." The Akuma had no choice but to obey a Noah's orders and abandoned the scientist to chase him. Neah groaned, now what? He'd be in a heluva lot of trouble if Denis found out that he'd just saved a bunch Order members.

The sound of slicing behind him caught his attention; he skidded to a stop and saw the scattered pieces of the Akuma explode. An Asian exorcist smiled and sheathed his katana.

"That was a very stupid and dangerous thing you just did, but I thank you, there are not many as brave as you." The nameless exorcist gave a short respectful bow before retreating. Neah huffed for a moment, trying to comprehend what had just occurred.

He gripped his chest, suddenly realizing the trouble he was in. Neah had felt the Akuma's eyes boring into him as he led him away from the scientists; it had probably been just as confused as the Earl was, watching through the Akuma's eyes. The second he stepped into Edo, he'd be executed for treason.

He was so going to die.

The base calmed down after that, a few people bitterly lamented the loss of the Akuma for study while others simply praised God that there were no casualties.

Neah stumbled around trying to find Denis, however reluctant he was to die today; they needed to get out of here. Eventually someone here would realize they didn't belong and start asking all the wrong questions, questions that would be unpleasant for all involved.

God, he didn't even get a chance to say good bye to Lizzy… or Cross or Maria.

"Um excuse me." A small trilling voice said behind him. Quickly pulling on his coat, he turned and saw a pretty, young girl no more than eighteen or so with short brown hair and large glasses with a crack through the middle. She smiled warmly at Neah.

"I-I just wanted to thank you, you know, for s-s-saving my life, all of our lives. It was…it was very brave of you to risk your life like that and I am- I mean we-we are all very grateful." She bowed deeply, a group of about eleven behind her also bowed, the various other scientists he had saved.

Neah was a dead man walking, he would be viciously torn apart for his betrayal, but despite all of these eventualities he still managed to smile.

It had been worth it, because of him, these people could live another day.

He quickly slipped off his stolen coat and draped it over the girl's shoulders, she had a bad cut across her right clavicle and her coat was frayed and bloodied, it didn't look serious, but it would need attention.

"You guys look pretty beat up, why don't you head on over to the infirmary?" she smiled and clutched the offered coat. He saw gratitude in her magnified and cracked eyes.

"Thank you so much. If only there were more people like you in the world." With that said, the small girl turned and limped away with the other injured toward the medics. A tell-tale shadow loomed over him and his smile vanished as the chill returned to his body. A deep breath and a sigh.

Goodbye life, the sixteen years we were acquainted was lovely.

"Come on Denis, the mission is done and we really ought to be getting back." He said without any emotion as he turned and left the damaged division and China behind.

**DGMDGMDGM**

"-And then Neah pulled his pants down! The poor clown looked like he would die of embarrassment! Of course he was just the distraction,_ I_ was doing all the real work with the talismans, but what can you expect on the boy's first mission?" Denis laughed as he downed yet another glass of wine.

The remaining Noah listened with anticipation as Denis wove for them an exciting and thrilling tale which only bore a passing resemblance to the truth.

Neah laid his head on the table listening to Denis tell how he had singlehandedly defeated fifteen exorcists and the Branch Guardian. The Earl said nothing as he sat at the end of the table, listening to Denis's elaborate story. Neah had expected an immediate beheading upon his return, but the Earl had been surprisingly quiet and somehow that was almost worse.

His stomach twisted into knots as each minute dawdled past. The gorgeous broiled chicken in front of him lay untouched, he was far too nervous to even think of eating. This was by far the most painful and arduous dinner he'd ever had to get through. He swore to God he was going to have a heart attack if this didn't end soon.

And Denis just kept talking and talking…

"He did really well though. I told you all that Neah was not as hopeless as you believed. Just you wait _mon_ _renard_ is going to be a terrific Noah someday and he will be a mighty slayer of exorcists!" the others snorted incredulously and let the Akuma servants remove their dessert plates.

"You all may be excused, except for you, Neah. I'd like to have a word with you for a moment." Denis gave his head an affectionate ruffle as he passed, like Mana used to do. Oh how he wanted his big brother right now. He remained in his seat as the others left, wringing his hands under the table.

"Y-yes, my Lord?" he cursed his stammer; he wanted die with dignity at least. The Earl stared at him with his perpetual grin and folded his hands leaning back in the chair.

"Denis tells me the mission went well, that you were very helpful and that you have the makings of a true Noah in you." Neah swallowed nervously, but said nothing, struggling to keep all emotion off of his face. The Earl continued on, seemingly unaware of his distress, with a light sigh.

"You are still young Neah and you do not fully understand your actions. It's curious how your humanity has remained after all this time as a Noah. But it's nothing to worry about; in fact, I feel it may be an advantage." He stood up and stroked Neah's face fondly.

"You know, you are my most treasured child not because you are the strongest or even the most loyal, but because you are the most distinctive. You're so different from all the other Noah I've had and I feel you will be the one who eventually ends this war." He turned and strolled out of the dining hall.

"A change is in the air my pet. Can you feel it?" When his footsteps were no longer perceptible, Neah stood up, walked three steps and then collapsed roughly onto the floor where he remained for some time until he found the strength hours later to stagger back to his room.

Once there, he made his way to his brother's tent via the Ark and told him that he loved him.

**DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM**

"You want to prank the Noah? Are you fucking suicidal?" Lizzy asked dryly, going back and forth between the two impish boys, her thoughts of Jane Austen's masterpiece now far from her mind. Was a peaceful day of reading too much for a girl to ask? Neah grinned and shook his head.

"Lizzy, Lizzy, Lizzy, these are my siblings. As the youngest brother it is my sworn duty to piss them all off with childish pranks. Besides, it'll be fun." He grinned in his adorable way, tilted his head and cupped his hands together. "We'd really, really like for you to co-"

"No way in hell. Go kill yourselves if you must, but don't drag me into it. Maria and I will stay here and practice a sophisticated Thespian lifestyle." Lizzy said haughtily, turning from her tragically male friends and back to Mr. Darcy's passionless proposal. Maria suddenly rounded the corner.

"Yeah we don't need any boys around; Lizzy and I will have fun with our Lesbian lifestyle." The boys laughed hysterically as Lizzy abruptly turned beet red and buried herself in her romance novel.

"You have fun with that, Neah and I are going to hit the Noah hard. We'll be back eventually and remember to use protection girls!" They quickly retreated into the open Ark gates before Lizzy could fire her drawn pistols. Cross and Neah snickered the whole way to Edo. Girls were so much fun.

"Alright, you got any plans?" Cross asked, Neah grinned and opened a gate into the storage compartment under Edo where metal was scattered as far as the eye could see.

"Not really, but I do have a shitload gizmos, dohickeys, whatchamacallits and fresh Akuma skeletons." The two boys grinned, cracked their knuckles and set to work.

**DGMDGMDGM**

"So who do you think is cuter? Cross or Neah?" Lizzy looked up at the older woman. Deciding that lesbian sex was too messy, they decided that blue nail polish was as extreme as they would get. "I mean they're both handsome. Mari has that sexy 'I-don't-give-a-damn' look, while Neah had the adorable 'boy-next-door' charm. But which one do you prefer?" Lizzy blushed, she tried not to think of her best friends in such terms, but her teenage mind tended to stray there without warning.

"I-I don't really think of them that way, we're-we're just friends, you know." Shit, she smeared her polish. Maria grinned knowingly in a way that caused Lizzy normally steady hands to quiver.

"Me thinks the lady doth protest too much. Come on it's just us, I won't tell." She leaned forward, eagerly awaiting Lizzy's answer. Lizzy blushed and turned away.

"Well, um I think-"

**DGMDGMDGM**

"-we are fucking geniuses." Neah exclaimed proudly holding up a series of connected gears and gadgets. Cross smirked wrenching the last of his creation together.

"You may be an asshole Noah, but goddamn, you sure know how to use a welder. I am proud to work with you." Cross said solemnly, patting Neah on the back. Neah grinned broadly. "Now let's strike a blow against the Earl for the Black Order!" The two boys then gathered their constructions and snuck out the room ready to cause mischief and mayhem.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Edmund Lauder stalked the hallways and growled. Despite his angry countenance, he was actually in a relatively good mood. He'd just returned from some therapeutic destroying of furniture and his venomous Inner Noah seemed satisfied… for the moment at least.

Becoming a Noah was the best thing that ever happened to Edmund. A poor orphan in New York, he had sat and watched hungrily how the high class had wined and dined without want or care. Yes, the Noah of Wrath had found a good home indeed in the young man's angry and vengeful soul.

He had long black hair that fell to his collar bone. No one knew what color his eyes were, or dared to ask, as he kept his bangs long enough so that they covered them.

When he wasn't in the room, the others questioned how he could see through them.

He lazily flipped his hair and continued his stroll, maybe he'd get something from the kitchen. All that destruction made him hungry, maybe that banana cream pie was still there. He was rather fond of banana cream… A snicker stopped him dead in his tracks.

He glared around and took a cautious step forward; a crunch of paper beneath his feet caught his attention. He bent down and picked up the wrinkled paper. _'A little sweet for your sour' _it proclaimed in sprawling cursive letters. He tore the paper violently, his good mood now gone like all the meals those fat Manhattan aristocrats had feasted upon so long ago.

The churning of gears caused him to look up just in time to see wave of thick, sticky… blackness smother him.

His body practically vibrating with rage, he shoved a sticky finger into his mouth and spat venomously. Syrup. Some stupid bastard had covered him with a crapload of sugary maple syrup. He turned to the sky and screamed ferociously, his rage shaking the halls.

At that moment, Denis was unfortunate enough to round the corner, he observed with startled amusement the scene that lay before him.

"Goodness me, what a mess, what have you been getting into brother dear?" Nothing Denis could have said at that moment would have stopped Edmund. His vision went red.

All that mattered was that he was covered in goo, pissed as hell and Denis was conveniently standing in front of him. He was so busy beating the life out of his innocent for once brother that he missed the two young boys running down the hallway stifling their laughs as they sought their next victim.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Saoirse ran giddily down the long halls, a brightly colored pinwheel in her hand. She laughed and squealed and jumped around totally content with her tawdry toy. The only thing that could make the event better was Shohei, but he had mutely shaken his head when she'd asked if he would join her. Not even her pure, heartbreaking tears could sway his hard heart.

She stuck her bottom lip out and pouted. She loved Shohei like she loved the back of her hand, but he could be such a stick in the mud sometimes.

For thirteen, some would say Saoirse was small for her age; though anyone who dared mention it would face the full force of her Irish wrath, impressive even without her Noah to back it up. Her fluffy brown hair, currently black in her Noah skin, was short and soft spikily cut just below her ears. Her bangs hung in her face and the farthest ends were long, reaching her underdeveloped chest and tied with ribbons.

A native of Killarney, Ireland, Saoirse had a passionate streak and willingness to fight dirty. Up until she'd joined the Noah three years ago, she had always felt incomplete, like there was something important missing from her.

Coming here to Edo, she had finally found her missing piece in Busan, Korea where a quiet Asian boy also felt like he was missing something.

Despite being as different as night and day, the two parts of the Noah of Bonds were extremely close. In fact, today was one of the few occasions they ever separated. Shohei was tired from a previous assignment and wasn't in the mood to chase Saoirse around Edo. She never could be alone for too long so she'd probably head back to Shohei soo- what was that? She turned quickly.

The hallway was empty and the solitude pierced her soul.

She was never, ever alone, she even slept in the same bed as Shohei, she rubbed her arms in discomfort. Maybe she should see how Shohei was doing; he was probably lonely by now.

She kept telling herself this as she sprinted down the hallway, trying to escape the suffocating loneliness she thought she'd left back in Ireland. A flash of black seen from the corner of her eye caused her to stop and look around; she knew she'd seen somebody pass.

"H-hello? Who is that? Eddie? Deni Bear? Shohei?" she asked fearfully, in another forking hallway, she saw more movement. She was torn between her fear and her fury. If this was someone playing a trick on her, they were going feel the full brunt of her temper. She didn't allow her to think of the other option.

The sound of rustling fabric caused her spin, only to relax and grin a moment later.

"Shohei, you meanie. You freaked me out; I thought I was going crazy." She walked over to the boy she shared her soul with. He stood quietly at the end of the hallway; she couldn't see his face at all, his entire body was completely covered by his favorite black cloak.

"Did you get lonely in that boring ole library without me? Did you come to find me?" she teased as she approached him. He said nothing, but this was not surprising, she talked enough for the both of them.

As she crossed the long hallway and neared him, she noticed a few things. For one, he was a lot taller than he normally was and a lot thinner too, like he had no meat on him.

"Shohei?" she blinked, "are you alright?" This wasn't normal; the hairs on the back of her head stood on end screaming at her, but her body wouldn't listen.

She flipped off the hood and screamed. It was an Akuma skeleton, dressed in Shohei's cloak.

She put a hand to her chest to calm her racing heart, wondering how the hell the damned thing had gotten here. Boy oh boy somebody was going to pay for th- the empty shell suddenly reached out for her with a jerky motion. She screamed loudly, how was that monster moving?

She turned and ran like hell itself was chasing her.

"I'm so sorry I made that Akuma self-destruct last week, I won't do it again I promise! Just don't eat my brains!" She lowered her head and ran aimlessly, her hands wrapped around her head. She ran smack into something cold and hard, she fell to the ground in a heap of cold, unfeeling metal.

The skeleton's empty eye sockets burned right into her.

She screamed again and struggled out of the jumbled mess. What the hell was going on? Where were these monsters coming from? She started to sprint down the hall only to have one dropped from the ceiling; she shook as it swung from the end of a rope.

A sign around its neck read _'Has my soul no value? Am I just a machine?' _

All the surrounding doors opened revealing a skeleton in each; they bared their fingers at her in accusation. She backed against the wall in fear, her knees shaking uncontrollably.

"_You throw us into battle then leave us to die. You destroy our souls for your amusement; we speak for all our fallen brethren. Noah, righteous punishment is upon you. Repent, repent, repent."_ They spoke in terrible unison in a chilly grating voice. She sunk to her knees and hugged them.

Tears slid down her face in fear. She had no idea what was going on, but she was scared to death and she wanted Shohei, where was he? Why did he leave her?

She needed him, she _needed_ him.

The sound of slamming doors caused her to shriek once more. All the Akuma had retreated and she was once again alone in the hallway. She wouldn't look up and continued to rock herself back and forth. She didn't want to be alone, she was tired of being alone, she wanted…she wanted…

"Saoirse! Saoirse, I'm coming, just-just hold on." Her heart lifted, he came, he really came.

"Shohei!" She cried, opening her arms, "please come." An instant later, she was in his strong arms. He held her close and stroked her and told her it was alright while she continued to cry into his shirt.

"Oh Shohei I-I was so-so-so s-scared. There-there were a-a-Akuma e-everywhere, they-they came after me. And-and-and said that-that righteous punishment was upon me and- and something about repenting." She sobbed, burying her face into her other half.

He snarled, not something she could see with her face in his chest, but something she could _feel_.

One soul split between two bodies and all.

"That bastard Daniel is always going on about God and religion. Do not worry; nothing is going to happen to you, not as long as I am here." He wiped the tears from her face as she sniffed.

"Are you crying Shohei?" she asked, observing the wetness on his face. He gave her a small, but affectionate, smile as he helped her up.

"We are the Noah of Bonds remember? Your pain is my pain." He gripped her hand tight and they walked down the halls, holding onto each other tight almost so that they were one person.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Daniel Kishon, the Noah of Judgment, had no idea what hit him.

As he sat praying to his wondrous and gracious God, the Millennium Earl, he was attacked from behind. Small, angry hands attacked him, ripped his clothes, tore his sacred texts and mercilessly beat him. When little Rhode found him hours later, half dead, someone had marketed his bruised and bare chest

'_Our bond not only binds, it strangles_.'

**DGMDGMDGM**

Hassan loved the library, though he supposed being the Noah of Wisdom, it came with the territory. It was currently empty except for him. Shohei had been in here a while before, but had suddenly started crying and ran off to find his other half.

What a waste, and he had so much potential. Not that Hassan really cared, now he had the whole place to himself to further his education and his quest for absolute knowledge.

Knowledge was power, in the slums of Kabul, Afghanistan where he had grown up; knowledge was the only way one could hope to escape poverty. Once he did escape thanks to the Earl, he had pledged to learn everything he could in order to aid his new Master in his quest for the world.

_If only it weren't for the damn headaches… _he thought, rubbing his aching head.

A loud crashing was heard pulling him from his thoughts and he reluctantly put down his fascinating book, _Crime and Punishment_, to yell at Noah 2-13 to keep it down. His eyes narrowed in suspicion as he stepped outside the library and looked out into the empty hallway. There was no one there and no sign of anything broken, he pursed his lips, but re-entered the library.

He cautiously picked up his book and began to read again. _'Fortunate indeed is the bride whose lover at such a moment is a gentleman in every fiber of his being.' _He threw down his book in his disgust; this certainly wasn't the trails of Rodion Raskolnikov.

He picked up the book again and turned to the cover, _The Wedding Night_ by Ida Craddock (7). The book hit the other side of the room moments later in tatters. He fumed in his chair. He knew he had set his book right there, so how did this filthy sex manual end up in its place? His mind wandered back to suspicious sound in the hallway, but unfortunately he had no one to blame it on.

Unable to find his book, he picked up another book in frustration; a detailed history of the occult would certainly improve his mood. Not five minutes after he began reading did he hear a tapping somewhere just outside his chamber door. His eyes widened and, book still in hand; he raced outside to catch his perpetrator.

Here he opened wide the door, darkness there and nothing more.

"Who the hell is that? I want my book back dammit." But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token, and the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Lenore." This he whispered and an echo murmured back the word, "Lenore." Merely this and nothing more (8). Hassan stood there for a moment confused as hell.

Did they just-? Did he-?

"Alright so you know Edgar Poe, but you're still a bastard and a thief! Now give me back my goddamned book." He said, stomping his foot impatiently.

Noah of Wisdom or not, he was pissed that someone had taken his book and he wanted it back dammit. Another crash came from down the hallway and he ran to it, but ten minutes of searching yielded nothing so he returned bitterly to his sanctuary, only to gape from the doorway.

In the time he had been gone; his books, all neatly stacked and organized, had been mixed up and taken out of order. His eye twitched, his precious books, it would take days to reorganize.

"What's with all the crashing Hassan? Is Edmund around?" Amora asked, walking up to Hassan followed closely by Analyse. His eye twitched again as he glared at them.

He knew he could unreasonable and childish at times, but he honestly didn't care. They were the only ones around and_ someone_ was going to pay for this-this indecency. He activated his power and soon had them under his control; they drooled as he entered their minds.

"Amora, you're a clown. Analyse you're a chicken, now get out of my sight." As the two of them left, Analyse clucking incessantly, he stalked back into his library and slammed the door so hard, the walls around him shook.

**DGMDGMDGM**

The Millennium Earl titled his head, calmly taking in the disaster that was his family at the moment.

Daniel sat praying fanatically into his rosary, trying to ward off the demons that had attacked him earlier. Denis had also been badly injured earlier and was swearing in numerous languages at Edmund, who was furiously trying to comb some unidentifiable, sticky substance from his long hair.

Hassan sat nursing another debilitating headache between Amora, who was juggling oranges and Analyse, who would cluck and flap her arms occasionally. Hassan assured everyone that they would be returned to normal once his books were back in order or someone came forward.

Saoirse and Shohei sat so close they were practically one person and threw pieces of food at Daniel whenever he wasn't looking and occasionally when he was.

Rhode laid her head on the table and rubbed her aching temples.

The others sat quietly and tried to blend in with the wallpaper so not to become another unfortunate victim of… whatever the hell was going on here.

It had been quite the day in Edo. And this morning he had thought nothing interesting would happen due to Neah's absence. Speaking of whom, the poor boy stumbled into the dining room still in his dirty work clothes. Everyone turned to glare at him.

"If I find out you had anything to do with this I'll-"Denis threatened through clenched teeth only to be interrupted by the Earl as he frowned at his disparate group of Noah.

"Neah my boy, thank you for working on those Akuma, you're so wonderful with machines. Please go wash up and rest yourself. As for the rest of you, I don't know what happened today, but leave your brother out of it. He's been helping fix some malfunctioning Akuma all day. Now run along son." Neah nodded slowly and made his way back to his room, his hands in his pockets and a smile on his face.

Cross was sitting on his bed when he returned and the two boys grinned at one another. In between pranks they did quite a number on those Akuma skeletons, so not only did they decrease the Earl's army, but they had seriously pissed off the Noah. All in all it had been a day well spent. Having caused enough havoc in Edo, they decided to check up on their fair female companions.

"Maria, I'm not too comfortable with this…"

"Nonsense Lizzy! Just pretend I'm some handsome, devilish young man. See I hold you like this-"

"I really don't think-"

"Now what do you do if some guy touches you inappropriately?"

"Maria please don't-"

"Now what do you do if a man tries to put his hand under your shirt?"

"Maria, come on, no- MARIA!"

Cross and Neah never heard the answer as they ran as fast as they could back to Edo. Anywhere, even the Earl's domain, was safer than girl talk.

**DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM**

It was mid-January and Neah decided that today had been a good day. The sun hung low in the sky, as if fighting the inevitable sunset. Rhode purred happily as she skipped down the street, arm in arm with Neah. It had been too long since he had any alone time with his favorite Noah sibling, so they had left Edo behind and now strolled the streets of London.

They lunched and shopped for new clothes for Rhode in the upcoming season. He had teasingly asked if some boy had inspired the need for new clothes, but she violently shook her head in embarrassment.

Finally they took in a show at the local theater, one of Neah's personal favorites, Shakespeare's "Antony and Cleopatra." So now they walked, deep in their own thoughts, as he held onto all of Rhode's purchases and wandering to no place in particular.

The sun was setting and the crowd of people had diminished. All in all, the day had been just what Neah wanted it to be. A nice outing with his favorite Noah, a chance to talk to her outside of the Earl's influence, to catch a glimpse of the beautiful, young girl beneath the Earl's taint.

"How could they be so arrogant to think they could change the world?" Rhode asked quietly, he looked down to see her pretty face deep in thought.

"What? Do you mean the play?" she ignored him and kept talking.

"They were just two people, two mortals; they had power, but no substance to back it up. I know you really like this play, but it infuriates me that two _humans _armed only with _love_ could possibly hope to make a difference. It's stupid and unrealistic." He smiled grimly, why was this play starting to sound like his own suicidal crusade against the Earl? He patted her head lightly, hoping he could make her see.

"That's your Inner Noah talking. Humans are tough, stubborn and full of surprises, Rhode. They may be weaker than you, but don't ever doubt the strength of their spirit, its where their true power lies. People dream big because it's all they have. Antony and Cleopatra tried to revolutionize their world, they didn't exactly achieve their goal, but they did change things. You can call it arrogance; I prefer to call it the will to live and to shape the world around you, even at the cost of death." She leaned against him, mulling over his words as all of humanity bustled around them.

"You really like the humans don't you Neah?" he winced, it sounded less like a question and more like an accusation, she looked up at him.

"You know the Earl doesn't-"

"Listen to me Rhode, it's true I like humans and it's because I am human. You and I live and breathe just as everyone does. We're gifted, but we're still mortal. I don't like it when the Earl asks us to stay away from them because isolation means stagnation. We might be human and have human limits, but we also have the ability to grow, change and evolve. We can learn a lot from them. Don't condemn humanity just yet Rhode, not when there are still so many things left for them to teach us."

"But-" He smiled and moved his hand to her shoulder, pulling her closer.

"Just think about it, it's not treasonous to think is it?" Rhode looked down and after a minute, cuddled closer to him, he smiled and held her tight.

Soon, very soon, he would set her free.

They walked in silence as the chill winter breeze wrestled with their hair and conflicting feelings. "Come on, it's getting cold, let's head back." Rhode was back to her bouncy talkative self by the time they re-entered Edo, but Neah could still see the remnants of their conversation written on her face.

Maybe one day she'd understand. A flashing red light on his bed caught his attention, his breath stopped dead in his throat. Oh no, it couldn't be…

"Is something the matter Neah?" Rhode asked, he dimly smiled and nodded his head.

"Hey Rhode, tell the Earl I'll be right down, there's something I forgot I had to do." She looked at him for a moment before telling him that dinner was ready so he'd better hurry. As soon as the door was closed he raced to his bed. The device he had given everyone for Christmas was blinking red by his bedside.

Red, only to be used for emergencies.

It couldn't have been an accident, they knew better than that. They also knew what day it was, so it had to be serious. His heart sank. He needed to get out of here, but how?

He ran down the hallway into the dining hall, where everyone sat at the table awaiting his arrival. His device had four buttons, two white and two red. The left two were for Lizzy and Cross and the right two were for Maria. So they were still at the North American base where he'd dropped them off earlier according to Maria's red blinking light.

Whatever it was, it had better be important.

"Ah there you are Neah pet, come to dinner we've been waiting." The Earl said cheerfully, gesturing to Neah's normal seat next to the Earl. Neah frowned, he was so going to pay for this later but…

"I have to go, right now; I'll be back as soon as I can." The Earl's large grin faltered for a brief second. Defying the Earl like this was madness, but his friends…

"Neah, it's dinner time. Whatever it is I'm sure it can-"

"I'm so sorry, it can't wait, I'll-I'll explain later, I just need to go right now. I'm so sorry." He said, forcefully putting on a brave face and fled the room again; he ignored the Earl's shouts and the angry aura emanating from the room. All that concerned him now was his friends.

He opened a gate to the North American Branch and dashed in. Could they have been hurt? He recalled hearing that they had a mission not far from there and needed to check in for information. He opened it in his usual spot in an unused section of the building. Maria sat in a corner crying, he ran up to her.

"Oh thank God, you finally came. We…we've been waiting for you." He hugged her tightly.

"What the hell is going on is everything alright?" she shook her head.

"It's-its Lizzy. She-she's been shot." He fell to his knees, she was dead? She couldn't be, b-but the Akuma virus was fatal. She read his face and reassured him with a soft squeeze of his hand. As she wiping her tears, she waved for them to walk and talk at the same time.

"It wasn't an Akuma bullet, thank God. They'd completed their mission and, how fucking ridiculous is this, some punks started harassing them. They beat back most of them, but one got a lucky shot in. Luckily they were near the base so they got back. She's still in critical condition and she's lost a lot of blood." Neah sighed in relief, at least she wasn't dead. But still, she was a goddamn exorcist.

How the hell does she just get shot by some street trash? He asked Maria this and she sighed with a smile.

"You know Lizzy, always thinking of others first. According to Cross, he was down on the ground from a blow to the head and had the gun aimed right at his heart, but Lizzy pushed him out of the way and got shot instead." Yeah that sounded like Lizzy, what a stupid, amazing girl.

"It's been pretty touch and go. It was just a regular gun, but they're still fully capable of killing. I'm just glad we were able to get her back her in time. S-she's doing better, but she's not out of the woods yet. I-I just want her to be okay." Neah hugged her as her shoulders shook. She pushed open the door to the infirmary. "Neah's here." She announced solemnly, her words echoing through the room like a tomb.

Cross looked up, he looked like shit. He was pretty beat up himself, but sat vigilantly by Lizzy's side stroking her still hand. He looked so much older than he had this morning when they were joking and laughing. Lizzy lay peacefully on the bed, cuts and scrapes marring her pale skin. Her left shoulder was tightly bound and bandaged.

Neah fell into a seat next to her; he reached for her free hand and stroked her hair with his other.

"Oh Lizzy, what did you do?" He said quietly as Cross looked at him soberly.

"I'm glad you're here, I hope you're not missing anything in Edo, it's Friday night dinner tonight, isn't it?" Neah slowly shook his head, not taking his eye off the prostrate girl.

"Nothing is more important than this." Cross let a grateful smile grace his haggard face as he resumed his watch. Maria pulled up a chair and cuddled next to Cross as they sat there in silence praying for their friend's recovery. Nurses and doctors bustled in and out, but none of the kids would move. The staff could only sigh and offer them another cup of coffee and a blanket.

They remained in that cramped little room all night until Lizzy awoke at ten the next morning, everyone there cried, though Cross would later deny it. Neah would have hell to pay when he returned to Edo, he would be chewed out, grilled, and viciously beaten, but he'd worry about that later.

As Maria slept on Cross's shoulder, he gently caressed Lizzy's face and begged her to wake up.

Neah looked out the window into the blackness, no force on heaven or earth could have moved him from this uncomfortable chair.

At midnight it began to snow.

* * *

_I'm reaching out for something_

_Touching nothing is all I ever do_

_Oh, I softly call you over_

_When you appear there's nothing left of you. ~ Sweet_

* * *

This ends the first year! Congratulations on having made it this far! So this was the Noah chapter, focusing mostly on the personalities and actions of the Noah. While they all are OC's, I tried to make them similiar to the current Noah, but also different in way that the events to come have shaped the new generation. Does that make sense?

(1) _Cretin_- basically like moron

(2) _d'accord_- alright

(3) _adios mis hermanos_- goodbye my brothers

(4) _Parfait_- perfect

(5) _mon amour_- my love

(6) _mon renard_- my fox, this is Denis's nickname for Neah from now on. It's a compliment in French (usually for women but whatever-) it means someone who is clever, sly and quick on their feet.

(7) _The Wedding Night_ by Ida Craddock is basically a 19th century sex manual, exploring men's and women's emotions during... coitus. very entertaining

(8) Any fan of Edgar Allen Poe will recognize my shameless borrowing from 'The Raven' I thought it was funny and deserved noting. "The Raven" (c) Edgar Allan Poe

_Ballroom Blitz_ (c) is owned by Sweet (though I prefer the cover version by Tia Carrere in _Wayne's World, _if anyone actually reads these lyrics and looks up the songs, I would look up the cover. Not only do I like it better than the original, but it's the one I had in mind when I wrote this.)


	9. For What It's Worth

_Disclaimer: I do not own any part of D. Gray-man nor any of its characters. I can only close my eyes and quietly play dress up with said characters in my head and hope I'm not desecrating Hoshino Katsura's work too much._

For those of you who care, Author's Notes will be at the end of every chapter and any and all questions will be gleefully answered if asked.

* * *

_There's something happening here_

_What it is ain't exactly clear_

_There's a man with a gun over there_

_Telling me I got to beware_

* * *

**YEAR TWO: ACTIONS AND INTERACTIONS**

"I told you," Lizzy reprimanded lovingly, "I'm fine." Cross frowned disbelievingly and held open the door for her anyways. Lizzy sigh and decided that there was no use arguing with a brick wall. She might as well accept his sweetness and concern while it lasted. Holding her left shoulder as confidently as possible, she walked through the opened door. Ever since she'd shamefully allowed herself to get shot at the North America Branch about three weeks ago, the boys had been fussing over her non-stop.

It was sweet and annoying at the same time.

She had expected this sort of behavior from Neah, who was always lovingly doing little things for her, but it had been a surprise to see it from Cross. She appreciated his concern and all, but his sudden protectiveness of her was surprising to say the least. She was used to dirty jokes and friendly punches from him and it was strange reconciling that image with the boy now opening doors for her and asking her if she was alright all the time.

She could feel his eyes trailing after her and she tried not to show how uncomfortable it made her.

_Cross was just being nice_, she told herself, _he was just concerned for her health was all_. He would be back to normal once her bandages were gone and things would return to how they had always been. She loved all of her friends very dearly; she would do absolutely anything for them. So the sudden strain she was feeling with Cross right now unnerved her more than anything. She…she didn't want things to be weird or awkward; this wasn't how this was supposed to be. Cross wasn't supposed to be _sweet_ or _loving_ like he had been these few weeks and it made her fear that more things would start changing around her.

As she thought these things, her smile never left its place.

"Aren't you supposed to help Master prepare for the upcoming Inductions?" She asked as Cross caught up to her, walking a little closer than he usually did. He shrugged casually, putting his head behind his hands like he always did as he spoke in a tone that was so gentle, so alien.

"I asked if I could skip out today, I mean, you're still in physical therapy and I thought you could use some help there. He didn't seem to mind and I said that we'll both help out once you're better." Her fingers twitched at her side as she gave him a smile. That wasn't what he was supposed to say. He was supposed to grin and say that of course he was going to help their Master and that he would catch up with her later. He should be wishing her luck and telling her to give the nurses hell all the while ruffling her hair just how she hated it.

What was happening to them?

_It's just a phase,_ she told herself, _he's just worried._ Cross will stop acting so clingy soon and things will be happy again. She smiled at that. Yes, this was just temporary; she needn't think about it or worry anymore. Cross just felt guilty about her taking the bullet for him and was being extra kind to make up for it. Life was hard enough at it was without her causing trouble amongst her friends.

So she'd just forget about it until Cross finally came to his senses and started acting normally again. That's what she would do and things would be fine, just fi-.

"Lizzy!" She turned and smiled to see Neah sprinting down the hallway toward them. Neah had also been very concerned about her after the incident. Her room had become a veritable garden with all the fragrant and exotic flowers he'd brought her. He had a few lilies in his hand now as he skidded to a stop in front of them with a shy smile and red cheeks. She rolled her eyes, well that's what he got for running.

"Neah, what a nice surprise, how are you?" she asked, a small nagging part of her wondered why Cross hadn't greeted Neah yet. Why he hadn't really spoken to their friend much at all since North America. Neah kept smiling but, averted his gaze to the floor as the flush spread, he held out the flowers.

"I'm good uh… I-I was in Edo and I was just thinking of you, wondering how you were doing and I thought I would come and say hi." Still not looking at her, he fiddled with the flowers in his hand. "I found these, n-not too far away and I thought th-that you might like them, because um I thought they were very pretty and…and well you deserve pretty things." She kept on smiling as she accepting the flowers from his hand, but she really wanted to scream.

_Why are you stuttering_? She wanted to shout, _why won't you look me in the eye anymore? Why are you hiding from me? _The boy standing next to her, the boy who was opening doors and ignoring their friend, continued to say nothing. _Why aren't you talking to Neah?_ She wanted to ask Cross. _Why are you acting so strange? Why are you looking at me that way? When did things become weird?_

"Aw thank you Neah, these are lovely. I'm running out of space in my room to put all these flowers you're giving me, but I think I have some space left on my dresser." She stepped forward and gave her friend a light hug; she didn't question why Neah was so hesitant hugging her back.

"Lizzy," Cross said behind her, coughing roughly into his fist. "You have physical therapy remember? You don't want to be late, unless Neah here doesn't want you to get better." She pulled back and smiled at Cross, not thinking about the intensity of his glare at Neah, not thinking about how Neah's body had suddenly become rigid and certainly not thinking about bursting into tears.

"I don't think anything will happen if we're a few minutes late, we only get to see Neah every so often." She turned back to Neah, "right?" But Neah wasn't looking at her anymore, he was looking at Cross with an equally intense and glaring expression. She wanted to moan.

_No, not you too, no, you can't… you can't change on me. Why are all of you acting so out of character? Why? Someone please tell me._

Neah's smiled reappeared magically a second later as he smiled down at her. He put an affectionate, if somewhat possessive, hand on her shoulder.

"It's alright Lizzy, Cross is right; we want that shoulder of yours to get better as soon as possible. I have to get going anyway. You know, stuff to do in Edo and all. Good luck in your therapy and I'll see you later." He turned and gave a slight wave as he headed back to the science department.

She noticed he hadn't made any sort of goodbye to Cross, but that wasn't important now.

Cross put his arm around her good shoulder and slowly led her down the hallway toward the medical section. She didn't say anything to him as she lovingly stroked the petals on the flowers she had gotten. She was afraid, so afraid that things would change. She loved her friends and she loved what they had together and now all of a sudden Cross was acting so nice and Neah was glaring like that.

She just…she just didn't know what to do.

_Just don't think about it,_ she told herself_. It will have to go away eventually, just let things be and everything will be alright in the end._

"Here," Cross said as they reached the medical department, "let me hold those for you while you do your thing." She smiled again and handed him the delicate flowers. An hour later when her therapy was done and they were walking back to her room, she didn't mention the flowers which were mysteriously missing from his hands.

**DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM**

Cross huffed coarsely and glared at the wall. Lizzy bit her lip and sat nervously twiddling her thumbs, trying to look at least a little less guilty. The man across the table showed no change in his expression as he scribbled something down on his pad, not taking his eyes off of them.

"Alright, one more time. Can either of you remember where you were on April Nineteenth of last year?" Lizzy pinched Cross's leg hard under the table to prevent him from groaning, again. The inspector from Central raised an eyebrow and shuffled his papers again.

He clearly did not like them, if the aggravated glances they were receiving was any indication. They had been interrogated in this small cramped room for three bloody hours and her head was killing her. Why did the lights have to be so fucking bright? The inspector's passive countenance was broken by the small frustrated frown that appeared on his face. Their silence prompted him to continue.

"According to several records, you two were spotted in the North American base by local personnel; you've also been noted as being there on many separate occasions including April twelfth, March Twentieth, May fourth, June twenty-ninth, July ninth and tenth, November eighteenth, December thirteen-" Cross halted him with a loud groan.

"Look, we have some friends in the base, so whenever we're in the area, we drop by and see them. It's not treasonous to visit friends. However, we cannot gallivant all over the world whenever we want. It's just not scientifically possible. Someone must have us mixed up with people who actually do work in that base." Cross said, irritation coloring his voice, Lizzy's skin prickled and she resisted the urge to scratch her arms nervously.

They should've been more careful with the Ark, not flitting across the world without a thought to the consequences. Now they have Central up their ass, wondering what the hell they were doing. The inspector rubbed his eyes in irritation. He stood up and glared down at them.

"It's not just that. We have documented evidence showing you two sent on separate missions on opposite ends of the globe and somehow manage to complete the mission and return at the exact same time. It's not ri-" a knock on the door interrupted his outburst.

He composed himself and straightened his uniform. "It appears we are done for the day. While you are being investigated, you will not be going out on missions. You are not allowed to leave Headquarters or contact anyone outside this base, is that understood?" Cross rolled his eyes. Lizzy bowed.

"Yes sir, we will do everything to help Central and to end this as soon as possible." The inspector gave Cross a heated look before opening the door for them.

"I'm glad to see that someone is willing to cooperate, now have a nice evening. Please be here at 0700 tomorrow morning and try not to be late." Lizzy nodded and dragged her obnoxious, intolerable, incorrigible friend out the room and away from the prying Central officers.

Once they were down the hall and out of reach from all the vultures, she pulled out her weapon and gave Cross a good knock on the head with the butt of her pistol. He clutched his head and hissed in pain as he glared up at her. He really didn't get it.

"Ow bitch, that hurt! What the hell was that for?" Lizzy snarled and hit him again.

"You idiot! Are you trying to get us sent to the gallows? We're being investigated by Central; this is not something to be taken lightly. If they catch one whiff of what we're doing we'll be strung up by our necks, do you understand?" Cross growled as he stopped rubbing his head to fold his arms across his chest.

"What the fuck are we being investigated for anyway? We're trying to save these goddamn people and they throw us to the wolves. If you ask me, Central needs some investigation, I smell a few rotten apples there." Lizzy grabbed her hair in frustration. This man could be absolutely impossible sometimes!

"I don't care if the pope is Satan himself, our lives are in their hands. One false step and we are dead, do you hear me? Dead! God, you can be so stupid sometimes! This is what Maria was talking about, goddammit!" She shouted at him. After a moment of panting, she sighed and leaned against the wall, suddenly exhausted by the weight of the world resting upon on her shoulders.

"What are we going to do now?" She moaned into her hands. God, this whole time she'd just brushed off all of Maria's warnings as needless paranoia, b-but it looked like there was some actual truth to her fears. They were really fighting this crazy war of theirs all alone.

And it was scary.

This some major shit they were doing, she'd kept herself so far afloat with the idea that the Order would be able to back them up when the time came but now… She rubbed her eyes irritably. Cross wandered over to her. They stood there silent for a moment, before he spoke.

"I never knew Central had so many assholes." She let a small smile appear and he continued as he nervously played with the ends of his hair.

"I know you're scared and that's good, fear is what keeps you alive. It makes you aware of the danger around and keeps you alert. Central will grill us for a few days more and then let us go. They have absolutely nothing on us, but now we have the advantage of knowing we can't trust them." She scooted next to him and leaned against his shoulder, it always seemed to make her feel better to have her friends near.

He paused for a moment, adjusting his position to better suit her before continuing.

"So we're not as safe as we believed, look at the crap Neah goes through on a daily basis in Edo. We're now all traitors to corrupt families and there is no turning back now. My dad… my dad used to say that you can't show blood when you're playing with sharks. So we'll play their little game and when the time comes, we'll save all their asses and get a medal or something." Lizzy smiled, Cross always seemed to know just what to say to make her feel better.

"Cross, do you… do you think we can do this by ourselves? I mean, we always said we'd go to the Order when things got rough and I mean…we're fifteen, we have a rogue Noah and an untrained Branch Guardian, do we really expect to do anything?" He leaned in close and lightly ruffled her hair with his hand. His proximity was dizzying, her cheeks burned as she realized just how near he was. She pulled back a little, unnerved by his presence. She was always one for physical comfort, she had sought refuge in her friends' arms on many occasions, but now the contact which usually brought her so much ease was awkward and disturbing in the way it was affecting all of them.

"Yes, we have everything against us. But, Maria said it best. We're doing something that no one has done before. Neah ditched the Earl and we're breaking Order rules left and right, maybe, just maybe, we can stop the war, not because we're the strongest or the most numerous, but because we're different. So yeah, I believe we can do some good. I believe we can help contribute to the end of this war."

He spoke soothingly into her ear as he continued to kneed his calloused fingers through her long hair. She wanted to tell him to stop, but didn't know how.

"I believe because we have to, because it's all we have left." He pulled back and looked at her, had he always looked at her that way? She gave him a tight smile, no, this wasn't right. It was too soon to be torn apart, not when they'd been through so much already. She jumped as she heard soft clapping behind them; Cross turned, enabling her to see. A tall man with dark blonde hair stood there, slowly clapping his hands. He wore the uniform of an official from Central. He had beady eyes and a cold plastic smile that gave her chills.

"How touching, it always delights me to see how dedicated our exorcists are to the righteous cause. Don't worry, I only caught the tail end of your little serenade." Lizzy put her hands across her chest, not liking the way he was eyeing them, like a hungry tiger circling wounded prey. Who was this guy?

"I just wanted to inform you both of two things before you retired for the evening. One is that while your recent movements are incredibly suspicious, we have absolutely no proof of foul play and, unless one of you confesses, you will be freed within a few days." Cross stepped closer to her, as if to shield her from this man's icy words, why the hell was this creep telling them this?

"The second thing is that I do not like you. I've met children like you before, naïve and cocky, you blithely stumble into trouble with notions of grandeur dancing in your heads and destroy the hard work of your elders. While there is no indication that any deception has occurred, I just want you to know that I am watching you and I will be there when you slip up. It will happen eventually and when it does, I will see you both punished accordingly. The Order is a symbol of integrity and impartiality; we cannot let anyone escape justice, not even our own members." He smiled as he dipped into a bow.

"I look forward to future encounters; it should prove at the very least interesting. Should you have any guilty consciousness in the middle of the night, just ask for Inspector Malcolm C. Leverrier, I will gladly hear your confession and help to bring about your salvation." With that, he turned on his heels and casually walked down the hall whistling a light tune. They stood that way for a few minutes, watching the inspector's tall form fade out of view. She felt Cross's fists clench next to her. She looked over was surprised to see him flushed with anger and a nasty, almost frightening snarl on his face. His body shook with barely controlled rage.

"That… that bastard!" He managed to get out between his grinding teeth. "He was the one, the one who tortured Lani, just because her father was a goddamned exorcist! I'm gonna beat the crap out of that man and drag his bloody, mangled body before that girl, so that she can spit on him."

Lizzy recognized the name; Lani was the girl Cross was partnered with earlier in the year. She knew that Cross had become very close to her in that time and that they still spoke frequently. She was a sweet girl, she had a lot of love in heart which was surprising considering the treatment she'd received at the Order. Lizzy put a calming hand on his shoulder. As much as the bastard probably deserved it, the last thing they needed right now was for Cross to maim a Central asshole.

Revenge would just have to be served another way.

"I can only imagine how you feel, but violence is not what we need right now. We need to stay cool, just like you said; he's just trying to get at you." He didn't respond, so she tried another tactic.

"Look, what these bastards have done is terrible and unforgivable, but God will sort with them one day. For now let's do our best to stop the Earl and deal with whatever the Order throws at us, alright?" Cross didn't look at her as he continued glaring down the hallway.

"Cross, you have to let this go." She said softly and this elicited a reaction; his eyes turned to her, burning with anger. It was an expression she hadn't seen before on him and hoped to never see again.

"You want me to just _let him go_? But Lani-"

"Is a strong, proud girl who made it through all the awful things that had happened to her. And you're _not_ letting him go; you're saving yourself from making a mistake that we'll all regret. If you really want to help her, you've got to keep your head; you'll only hurt her more if you lose it now." She looked into his eyes and watched the anger fade ever so slowly from them, she grabbed his hands.

"Will you promise me to behave, to not attack that bastard in your usual bull-headed way?" He turned away and she gripped his chin so that he was looking right at her. "Do you promise?" he huffed slowly, releasing the last bits of his anger and nodded stiffly. Lizzy was relieved, she wasn't sure what she would've done had Cross refused. She guessed it was a good thing that he never did refuse her.

Linking arms, they continued down the hall as Lizzy struggled to keep the carefree smile on her face. Why were things getting so complicated? Why was the organization she was supposed to believe in turning out be just as bad as the one they were trying to stop? Why had the air become so thick with tension whenever the four of her friends were together recently? And why the hell couldn't she look at Cross or Neah in the eye anymore?

"Do we have to kowtow to these people all the time, 'cause, promise or not, I don't think my morals can stand that kind of strain." Lizzy grinned innocently as she looked up at him with a not so innocent smile.

"I didn't say we couldn't fuck with them a little, I just said not to get caught doing it. If they're going to declare war then it's only proper that we send them our letter of acceptance." He grinned back and Lizzy felt a little better, nothing could be wrong with him if he could still smile like that.

She held onto him tighter as if that would keep him, all of them, from slipping between her fingers.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Three days later, the investigation was concluded and the sweaty, frustrated official brusquely informed them of their passing inspection and spat out his congratulations.

Poor Maria called up crying the next day saying she'd also been interrogated and that she had been threatened by Leverrier that any problematic actions would result in some severe limitations on her freedom. Such a slight to their group simply could not be ignored. Two weeks later, while she and Cross were conveniently out on separate, faraway missions, someone broke into Central Headquarters.

Everyone was in an uproar though few people could figure out why anyone would go to all the trouble of breaking into such a secure building and not take anything. In fact, the only damage done was the defacement of several walls which blasphemed a certain Central officer.

Leverrier immediately phoned European Headquarters demanding their heads, only to be informed that they were currently on missions in Brazil and Paris and, therefore, could not be the perpetrators. Leverrier apologized through gritted teeth and slammed down the phone before cursing their names for an hour afterwards as he scrubbed the walls.

Or so they heard, they weren't there of course.

So while they were victorious, it was a bittersweet victory. They were now engaged in two wars, one within and one outside the Black Order. This was a dangerous game they were playing; it was a game of wits and timing and whoever showed first blood would be eaten by the sharks.

**DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM**

Mana looked between them as the two boys chatted stiffly. What was wrong with kids these days?

It had been many months, but Neah finally felt it was safe enough for the four of them to visit again. Mana had said nothing about his worries and concerns in his letters, about how he could tell from his brother's shaky script how difficult life really was. Instead he had joked with Neah and told him to come whenever he could and to bring all his little friends too.

Only once he'd finished his letter did he curl up in his bed and pray for the safety of his little, broken family.

So here they were now, sitting in his tent listening to the sound of teenage hormones raging. Oh yes, the boys were talking and smiling, but they watched each other intently, sizing up their competition. Hell, didn't these kids have enough problems already without dragging girls into it? Speaking of which, the object of their affections, Elizabeth, reentered the tent shyly. She took a moment to pull her hair out of its tail, either not noticing or not caring at the intense way the two boys studied her every movement. She shook her silky, brown hair as she sat down letting it frame her pretty face.

She was beautiful girl; certainly one worth fighting for, but now simply wasn't the best time.

"Thank you so much Mana, it feels so nice to get out of that exorcist's uniform every now and again. Are you sure I can borrow this?" she asked, the two boys stared.

"You look lovely Lizzy, I mean you always do but um-" Neah stuttered.

"It's a nice dress, now relax." Neah continued to smile, but Mana could see the aggravation hidden just behind his cheerful smile. Mana only kept himself from groaning with the thought that he had been that young and petty once too. But he hadn't been fighting a war and he hadn't had the means to kill his rivals.

"It's fine Lizzy, it's a spare from one of the acrobats and Mina certainly won't mind." The girl smiled and smoothed out the long dress. She certainly did look beautiful in the loose blue dress, but surely these boys were old enough to maturely express their feelings? The four of them talked around the elephant in the room, the boys making light chatter all the while doing little things to impressive the oblivious girl.

Maria coughed into her hand and asked Mana how the circus was doing. At least there was one person here who could also sense and try and diffuse the bitter tension. Whether or not Elizabeth was ignoring it or was actually that ignorant Mana wasn't sure, but whatever the case, the girl didn't appear to be bothered at all the static feeling surrounding her.

"So, Neah tells us you're quite the clown. One of these days I'd love to come and see you preform. It would be a nice change of pace, away from all the craziness at the Order." Maria said a little too loudly, Mana frowned. The Order eh? None of the three exorcists looked too happy at the mention of the place so he assumed things were going sour on that end as well.

Mana laughed as he gripped his water glass tightly, trying not to show his palpable fear in front of these kids. Everything was collapsing around them, he could read it very clearly in their faces, it might take some time for the house of cards to fall, but the structure were already showing its strain. Mana was less worried for his own safety and more for his brother and these kids. They were scraggly and awkward, they had no idea how to romance a woman and the only thing they knew was how to kill demons, but dammit, Mana loved them anyway.

They were scared and maybe examining the things that were important to them in life, thus the suffocating romantic tension.

"It's going well I suppose, it keeps food on the table and I'm content. I'm telling you, running away to the circus was the best thing I ever did." Neah broke off his staring contest with the other boy, Cross, to chuckle at him. Goodness gracious, couldn't they just talk to the girl?

"Maybe for you, but that year and a half was hell on me. Hey speaking of which, I've been meaning to ask, whatever happened to the house? Have you talked to mum and dad since we saw them a few years back?" Mana rolled his eyes. He'd never liked his parents. Anyone who was willing to leave two young kids alone to travel was no one he was interested in. They'd never wanted the responsibility of kids, the allure of freedom was too prominent on their minds to worry about taking care of anyone but themselves.

"The house is still there. And of course I haven't spoken to them and if I'm lucky, I won't ever speak to them again. I know they're our parents and all, but hell Neah, they left us to lounge on a beach somewhere." Neah looked down; he didn't like being reminded of their more or less abandonment. Neah never quite understood it, how they could just leave some money on the table and go off somewhere without a care in the world. Where bitterness sprouted in Mana's heart at the desertion and being forced to parent his little brother, Neah became disconsolate and doubting, something that frightened Mana the most when he went off with the Earl.

He had feared that Neah's quiet and unsure nature would cause him follow any orders the man gave, even the most despicable ones.

"Hey kiddo, I'm sorry, it's just, well y-you know how I feel about them. And I mean I think we turned out pretty good, I may be a poor clown in a circus, but I'm a happy one." Neah smiled and looked appreciatively at them all, his eyes lingering the longest on Elizabeth. So now Mana was once again afraid for his little brother's soul, he was afraid what would happen should this girl reject his love, could Neah handle that much heartbreak in one lifetime? Jesus, could anyone?

He stood up suddenly. "Alright, who wants snacks? How about some cheese and crackers, does that good?" He stepped outside and took a deep breath; at least the air was clearer out here.

"Do you always keep your snacks outside?" he wasn't surprised to see the older girl, Maria, appear behind him a moment or two later. He smirked at her and gazed into the crisp spring air.

"How do you deal with that every day? How do you keep them all together?" She smoothed out her skirt and fiddled with the silver buttons on her black coat.

"They're just kids Mana and they're in way over their heads. Every day they have to ask themselves questions no one should be forced to ask: can I trust my faith? Am I really alone? Am I skilled enough to keep my friends and I alive? They put up the brave face to reassure one another, but the cracks are beginning to show. Maybe a little normalcy will make these problems a little easier to tackle. Maybe fussing over a pretty girl will take their eyes off their impending death for just a moment, just long enough to make all this bearable." Mana felt his mouth go dry at her sallow words.

"Are you… are you all really going to…" he couldn't finish, his heart seized up as she smiled at him.

"You don't do what we're doing and die of old age, sooner or later, one of the parties will see what we're doing and execute us all. But if we could make a difference, however small, then it all would be worth it." Mana jumped back, he was scared, scared by her total acceptance of death. She was only a year older than he was and totally accepting of the fact that this war would claim all their lives.

And he let his little brother, his only family, be involved with these people?

"Why? No th-this isn't right! My brother, your friends, you, none of you deserve this. You don't have to do this, I mean, this is crazy! You… you-" he had to think of something, anything to save these people from this damned crusade of theirs and from their infuriating sense of obligation. She rested an easy hand on his shoulder and smiled sweetly. The sun glinted off her and cast ominous shadows.

"It's too late for us; we've changed things too much for us to turn back now. It's something we all kind of understand, but it isn't spoken about. It's buried under petty problems and teenage love triangles. It's our nature to fight until either this war is finished or we are. We were bred by the Order and the Earl to hate and kill the other, to put victory before survival and to live only for the cause. I appreciate your caring, but to stop us from fighting is stop us from living."

She gave his shoulder a light squeeze and turned away, the ends of her short black hair swaying in the light breeze. His shoulder's slumped in defeat, there was nothing he could say to counter her argument.

So that was it.

His family was going to die for the sake of some faraway God and he would be probably be killed for his association, or worse, he'd be left alive and alone with nothing but haunting memories to keep him company. He bit his lip to stifle the oncoming tears. He couldn't accept that, he just couldn't. He'd already abandoned Neah once in his life and he would be damned if he did it again. Call him ignorant, say he was avoiding the problem, but he refused to mark these people's graves just yet.

"I understand what you are saying, but I hope you understand that I'm not giving up on you yet. I may be a clown, but I know when it's time to get serious. You go wage your damned war, fight your demons and sort through your problems, just know that I'm going to be here doing my damndest to keep you all alive. If we're dying, we're dying together and using every last bit of strength in our pathetic, weak bodies to keep walking through to another day." She gave him a look of amusement and then laughed. She leaned on her knees and laughed hysterically. He felt slightly awkward, but kept up his stern face.

"Neah was right, you sure are funny. Throwing your lot in with a bunch of suicidal kids, what a clown, ladies and gentlemen, what a clown." She finished off the last of her chuckles and wiped her eyes, the smile then became serious as her bright eyes regarded him.

"Alright, I accept your proposal and your help, give us a little love and normality every now and then and we'll do our best to see this thing through. Your brother's optimism is catching, maybe we can do this and maybe we can end this war with our lives intact. Let's give it a try." She stuck out her hand and he reluctantly shook it. Her hand was cold, like he'd just made a deal with a corpse.

She smiled at him and he found himself smiling back without realizing; it was hard not to at the loving and selfless way she grinned at him, as if all of life's problems had been solved. He could see nothing had really changed anything; they were still determined to go through with this impossible quest of theirs and they were still in mortal danger. But now at least they had back-up and support they could rely on. She nodded her head back into the tent.

"Come on, those kids are probably wondering where those snacks went, battling two dangerous organizations while sorting out love issues is enough to make anyone hungry." _What a woman_, he thought, _there truly were some amazing people in this world_. He opened the tent flap and she smiled at him again. Mana was about to return the familiar gesture when a large floating shape appeared on the horizon. He paled, what the hell was that? Maria turned, noticing his pallid face, and looked over her shoulder. She swore loudly to herself.

"Akuma! Get your asses out here!" She shouted and within a second the three others had raced out of the tent, heading for the monster soon followed by Maria herself. He wanted to stop them, what were those crazy kids thinking going _towards_ the crazy looking demon?

Cross grabbed Neah by the shoulder stopping him dead in his tracks; his brother squirmed, trying to get out of the younger boy's grasp.

"What are you doing? We have to destroy that thing." Neah yelled, glancing at Elizabeth who kept on running without a single glance back. Two more monsters appeared behind the first. Cross frowned thoughtfully and gave Neah an apologetic shrug.

"Stay here with Mana and keep the civilians out of the way." Neah opened his mouth in protest. "I'm doing this for you, you know. You're still in deep shit with the Earl for ditching dinner a while back. Plus you said he's still wary of your loyalties. If he sees you now through the Akuma, with your human brother and exorcists, well not even you could schmooze your way out of that." Neah clenched his fists and lowered his head; Cross gave his shoulder a quick pat.

"I'm sorry; we'll get them good for you." With that said, Cross took off running. In the distance Elizabeth had already begun firing her pistols while Maria protected the crowd using her voice to create a sheild. Neah growled and hit a wooden pole next to the tent, it cracked, but remained standing. Mana had the distinct feeling that Neah had been hoping to impress Elizabeth in battle, a desire that his friend and romantic rival had crushed. Mana gulped.

Neah didn't get angry often, but when he did he was quite the force to be reckoned with.

"Neah, they're right." Mana said, cautiously stepping forward, wary of his brother's volatile temper. "Step down little brother, we'll help evacuate the rest of the people." Neah didn't look at him, instead kept his gaze to the ground as his fists shook with anger.

"That damn bastard Cross, he's doing this on purpose, he always gets so jealous whenever I'm with her. Someone I just can't believe that selfish, arrogant son of a-"

"Look out!" Mana whipped his head from his fuming brother to the source of the cry. It was Elizabeth, she was shouting at them, he gasped as he saw a stream of bullets coming right towards them. They were coming fast, too fast and too numerous for them to even think about dodging. They were going to die right here and now.

It was actually ironic. He'd just given Maria a passionate speech about surviving the war and here he would die right now in a pathetic demon attack. It had only been a second since he'd seen the bullet and he'd only have another second left to think about them. He fell to his knees and closed his eyes awaiting the imminent impact. It was curious though, he heard the bullets strike the ground and the tent behind him, but didn't feel any dig into his flesh.

Only once the sound had ceased did he cautiously open his eyes, had he died and just not felt it? Apparently not. Neah stood over him breathing deeply with an expression of pain etched onto his face. Oh God, Mana stumbled to his feet and grabbed his brother's shoulders. Lord, he couldn't lose him now. Neah smirked, the tightness on his face the only indication of discomfort.

"You re-really don't pay attention Mana, I'm a…I'm a Noah remember? Not only am I immune to the virus, but the wounds are already healing." Neah winced as he rolled his shoulders; indeed, he turned around to show off the numerous holes in his still smoking shirt over his unscathed back. Mana shook his head slowly as his heartbeat slowed down and he gripped his brother tightly, unwilling to let go.

For one terrifying moment; he'd once again thought he'd lost the only family he had.

He-he couldn't lose him again; the last time had nearly killed him. He ignored the explosions in the background or the panicked cries of the other circus members, he just focused on the feel of his younger brother in his arms, alive and okay. He'd promised that he'd never leave Neah alone when they were kids and it was one promise he intended to keep. Neah leaned against his brother's shoulder.

"Mana, I'm so sorry," Neah said quietly, returning the hug.

"I-I was being an ass, and I didn't notice the bullets coming. Y-you shouldn't have been anywhere near here when they hit, a-and if I'd lost you…" Mana stroked his brother; he honestly didn't give a damn about who did what, they were alive and that's all that mattered to him. The touching scene was contrasted by the sound of guns and explosions. They stood like that a moment longer before the sound of approaching feet forced Mana to let go.

"Are you guys alright?" Cross asked, running up to them, his weapon still smoking slightly from its recent use. All of the Akuma were destroyed and the girls were busy calming the panicking circus folk. Neah glared at Cross. He took a step forward to confront his friend.

"I know what you're doing and I will not let you walk all over me, not this time." Mana grabbed his brother's shoulder, afraid that he would physically attack Cross. Seeing Neah take those bullets, Mana didn't want to know what he could do to his all too human friend. Cross returned the look and turned away with a sneer. Mana thought that it was quite a shame to let such a good friendship go to waste over something so absurd.

"This isn't a goddamned competition Neah; there is no prize or trophy at the end of the race. This is Lizzy we are talking about, a human being, or have you forgotten what being human is all about, _Noah_?" It took every bit of Mana's strength to hold back Neah as he lunged forward. When the hell did he get so strong? Elizabeth and Maria chose that moment to come up to them.

"Oh man that was close you guys, are you alright Mana?" Elizabeth asked, her chestnut eyes wide with concern. Mana nodded as he struggled against Neah's strength; she looked between them with worried sorrow in her eyes. "Is um everything alright?" The transformation was immediate. Neah instantly dropped his stance, causing Mana to stumble and grinned cheerily up at her.

"Nah we're fine, Cross and I were just talking. You did a good job on those Akuma; the Earl certainly won't stand a chance against you." Elizabeth smiled back, though Mana thought it seemed a tad forced. Cross grunted and began walking away. Neah watched his every move as if anticipating an attack.

"It's nothing to get all excited about, it was just a few level one's, we do this kind of stuff in our sleep. You know it's our job as exorcists to destroy the Akuma your family sends out. Not that it says anything about you." Cross said gruffly, giving Neah a pointed look. His brother glowered, but remained silent, his mouth becoming a tight line.

"It's been real fun Mana, but it's getting late, we should probably get back to Headquarters. After the investigation, we're still on thin ice. Are you ready Neah?" Cross said evenly, his hands behind his head. Neah's fists shook, but he managed a smile anyways, a gruesome smile that frightened Mana so. What had happened to these kids?

"Sure, just let me change my shirt; the Noah of Pride needs to look his best after all." The boys exchanged a million heated words in the glance they gave as Neah roughly brushed past Cross. Mana followed him into the semi destroyed tent and watched him riffle through his suitcase, bitterly muttering to himself. Once he found a shirt that looked vaguely his size; he tore off his bullet torn one and angrily buttoned up the cleaner shirt, he then sneered up at Mana.

"That bastard! I'm the right one here; he can't just boss me around like that, right Mana?" Mana sighed, things were so much easier in his day. When one guy had a problem with another, they fought it out at three o' clock on the hill, but Mana feared the resulting destruction if those two ever really went at it. When had being a teenager become so damn complicated? Despite Neah's anger, Mana could see the real problem was in justifying his actions. He could read his brother like a book, always could, and Mana knew Cross's words had really hurt him.

Mana knew that Neah was still trying to atone for what he was and he feared that he would one day succumb to the monster inside of him. Neah was looking for affirmation that loving this girl wasn't a sin and that even he could be allowed some small measure of happiness. Cross's words had brought Neah's fears to the forefront, but he covered his pain and worry with anger.

"Neah," Mana sighed, lovingly dragging out the name.

"Love is hard under the best of circumstances. It's not cut and dry and there is no formula to magically make it work. Your friend is right, this isn't a competition and I want you to remember that above all else that all of you _are_ friends, too good of friends to let something so silly get the best of you. No matter what happens ,you shouldn't let this come between you and what's most important in life."

Neah snorted in understanding as he slowly finished the last of the buttons, the shirt was pretty loose on him and Mana couldn't help but chuckle at the image. Neah smiled just a little bit as he rolled up the sleeves to make the length a little more manageable. Now that was more like it.

"Ok, well I have to drop everyone off and I'm gonna get my ass reamed if I'm not back by five. I've got a curfew now, so I need to make sure I don't piss the Earl off any more than I already have." Mana shook his head and Neah smiled back. He could die any day and was currently fighting for his heart, his sanity and his soul, but he still found the strength to smile so freely. It made Mana proud to see how far his brother had come and to think that maybe he hadn't done that bad of a job raising him. He gave his little brother a tight hug.

"Mana?"

"You're an idiot, but I love you. You known that you and all your friends are welcome here anytime you need to get away." Neah nodded slowly, digging further into Mana's chest, looking for the comfort and reassurance he needed. The perfect moment, however, could not last forever and Mana reluctantly released him. Waving them off, Mana ran a hand through his hair, surveying the damage around him. It was getting messy to keep these crazy kids around. He could hear the others moving broken pieces of furniture and wild animals growling amid the commotion. He really ought to help them clean up.

So he made the mature decision and crawled inside his tent and slept fitfully on his partially burned mattress hoping he'd wake up to a better world.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Neah winced as he cracked his back. Sure he could survive an Akuma attack, but the wounds still hurt like hell. He stumbled through the Ark physically and mentally exhausted, he yawned loudly and rubbed his eyes, he just wanted to sleep dammit. Not that he was sure he would be sleeping tonight.

He was still slightly pissed at Cross. His friend always quietly apologized to Neah when he knew he was being an ass. And while he did pull Neah to the side, he expressed regret only for his cruel words and not his jealous behavior regarding Lizzy. Mana's words bounced around his head. Cross _was_ a good friend, more than that; he was his best friend, but Lizzy… Neah gripped his head, he didn't want to have to choose between the two, and he cared for them both too much to lose either of them. He just wanted to sleep and think about what it was he wanted exactly. As he walked down the hallway deep in thought, he passed the Earl's study.

"Neah, would you come in here for a moment?" Neah stiffened and slowly turned around; he poked his head into the darkened room. The Earl sat in the middle, the faint light bouncing off his grin. Neah had been avoiding him for some time now, but he knew this confrontation was inevitable.

"Y-yes my Lord? Do you need something?" He asked as breezily as possible, he wasn't up for this right now.

The Earl said nothing and merely gestured to the chair next to him, taking a deep breath; Neah entered the dark room and gently sat down in the plush chair. He fidgeted in his seat trying to subdue his fears. Ever since he outright ditched dinner, the Earl had been less patient with him.

He'd been given a strict five o' clock curfew in which Neah had to report to the Earl or face severe consequences. With the Earl so pissed, the last thing he wanted to do was admit that he had been visiting his brother. He nearly jumped out of his skin as the Earl reached out and delicately ran the backs of his fingers down his face; Neah had to physically will his body to remain still.

"Why do you insist on walking around in this human skin Neah pet? You know I don't like it." His tone of voice was filled with thinly veiled disgust. "I don't ever want to see you like this again or I will kill that human brother of yours, do you understand?" Neah nodded heartily. He had been expecting consequences for the whole dinner ordeal but this was, well, maybe it had been the last straw in a series of faults and discrepancies. And he would do anything, _anything_ to assure Mana's safety. The Earl lightly patted his cheek in a way that expressed both affection and possession.

"You know Neah; I have been very easy on you. I let you do as you please with the Ark and ask very little in return. All I do ask from you is your undying loyalty and your presence at dinner. If you cannot follow those rules then I will have no choice but to punish you, it will hurt me dearly, but it will be for your own good. You're a good child Neah, but every now and then even the best of children need a little slap on the wrist to keep them in line." Neah's cheek stung as the Earl timed the force of his words with his pats. He finally stopped and folded his hands in front of his face. His jovial expression was gone and his piercing eyes burned into Neah from behind his glasses.

"You will not skip dinner again and you will never, **ever** speak to me as you did, are we clear?" Neah nodded again, more slowly this time.

He knew this was coming, from that day over a year ago when he had joined up with the exorcists, the exorcists who he was currently quarreling with. He could only bend the rules so many times before they bent back and hit him in the face. With a wave of his hand, the Earl dismissed him. Neah stood up and bowed reverently and quickly made his way to the door. It was all worth it right? It was for Mana and Lizzy, Maria and… Cross.

"Oh and one more thing Neah pet. I would very much like it if you stopped seeing your brother. You may continue to write, but I don't like the impression his visits leave on you." Neah nodded again and slumped out into the hallway in a defeated manner.

He walked back to his room in a daze, his mind numb as he tried to comprehend the day's events and figure out where he went wrong. In one day he had managed to piss off both of his families. He lazily kicked open the door and instead of getting in his bed like his body demanded, he opened the gate to his secret room and flopped noisily onto the white piano bench.

Mana's large shirt felt limp on his smaller body. He held it close, breathing in the smell of wild animals, cigarette smoke and the home he'd only appreciated once it was gone for good.

Was it all worth it?

He tapped the keys lethargically; a thousand hours of practice had trained him to play while his mind wandered. A sad melodic tune spilled out in perfect synchronicity with his mood. He depended on his visits with Mana to keep him sane, to keep him from being pulled down in this upside down world. He shut his eyes tight to stop the onset of tears, God; it was like losing his parents all over again. What could he do? What should he do?

'_Become the new Millennium Earl'_

He faltered and the strangled keystrokes echoed loudly in the empty room. He looked around, clutching the bench breathing heavy. There was no one there, but it couldn't be his Inner Noah, it was far too loud.

'_We don't need the Earl or those humans; all we need is each other. The Earl wouldn't know what to do with the world if he had it. We both want to destroy the Earl, but with my assistance, you could rise and take his place as the head of the Noah clan.'_

More rancorous sounds slipped from his shaking fingers, why was it so loud? He shook his head to block out the voice, but it continued to echo in his brain. The other Noah said their Inner Noah took the form of their predecessor, being the first generation; Neah's was more like a disembodied voice. It was quite disconcerting.

He tried to continue playing, to distract his brain, but his fingers were shaking so badly, nothing cohert would come out.

"Look, I've never listened to you before and I'm not going to start now. Besides, I don't want to be the Millennium Earl; I want to remove him from power so he can stop killing people." He said quietly, this room was the safest place on the Ark, but he still couldn't bring himself to admit such openly treasonous thing too loudly.

'_How noble,' _it purred. _'But why? I have been with you your whole life and watched each and every cruelty inflicted upon you. The Earl treats you like a pawn and the Noah have no respect for you at all. And those humans which you love so much would not do nearly as much for you as you are willing to do for them. Why can't you see they are using you? Exorcists are soulless, single-minded creatures on their quest for victory. They don't care for you. It's quite obvious that girl you love so much is merely stringing you along, playing with your heart to gain your power and information.'_

Neah said nothing as the black entity caressed his thoughts. That couldn't be true, they were his friends and they cared for him. "Y-you're wrong, they wouldn't, they would never-"

'_You sound unsure, did you see the way that boy looked at you today? The way he spat out your name? He looks down on you, they all do, they plan on using you for as long as they can before they have to eliminate you. That is what they are trained to do my darling.'_

Neah slowly began to play again, this time an off-kilter, disjointed tune with bitter strokes and forceful touches. He released one hand and hugged Mana's shirt tightly. He felt like he should be angry, vengeful, but all he could muster was the familiar feeling of despondency and loneliness. The images of all the good times teasingly danced before him, just out of reach. Had it all been faked, all those jokes and smiles, those pep talks from Cross and those hugs from Maria? And Lizzy? Had she just been using him when she held him that first time she told him that she was glad she'd met him? His Inner Noah lovingly snaked its tendrils through Neah's heartbreak.

'_I know it hurts and that is why we don't need anyone else. I will never betray you or mock you like they do. Look what they have done to you, what they have taken from you: your peace, your freedom and your brother. None of them know you like I do my love. I know what you want, you want power, you crave it. You want to strike down all those who oppose you and rise victorious as the God of this new world. Do not fret, together we will destroy the Earl and his Noah and assume your rightful place. And those exorcists will finally fear your power as you crush their traitorous, black hearts.'_

Neah finally stopped playing and pulled his knees up onto the bench as he held himself. He couldn't quite accept that his friends were just using him, but the Noah's words still cut deep into him. The recent strain between the four of them had made him doubt himself and his friends. After a while, his back began to protest and he crawled onto his couch. He slowly drifted off to sleep with the Noah sweetly speaking to words of love and loyalty to him.

Its smooth cadence didn't seem so frightening now.

**DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM**

Maria really, really didn't want to get up. She rolled over in her bed and tried to block out the sun with her pillow. She hadn't been able to sleep at all last night so she went and sat up on the base's roof for a while and just reminisced until she wandered back down about an hour ago. Every time she went up there she thought of the day she met her friends, it was a day she certainly wouldn't forget, the strong fear of death and failure she felt would never leave her.

She moaned as she heard people in the other rooms begin to move about, who was she to complain? All these other exorcists probably came in from difficult near death missions and here she didn't sleep one night and she expected special treatment? She frowned from her bed and sat up quickly, ignoring the way her head spun from the sudden movement. She was determined to be the best Guardian she could be and to protect the other exorcists with everything she had.

Jumping up she went about her morning routine with as much cheer as she could muster. Standing at the mirror on her door, she forced a bright smile on her face.

Everyone was worn out; the war was exhausting and getting more problematic with each passing day. If she couldn't keep that smile on face, if only for the sake of others, than how did they ever expect to see this war through? She skipped all the way to her post smiling and waving at every person she passed. Every weary smile and half-hearted wave lifted her spirits. Faked cheer was better than open misery, right?

"I'm here Chief! Any Akuma to destroy yet?" The Branch Chief looked up and sighed.

"No Maria, not yet, please just calm down and go to your station. It's been a rough couple of weeks for us all, so please don't make it worse." She stuck out her lower lip in a pout, but obeyed orders. Her station was actually a large observation post that she walked and gave her a near complete view of the outside of the base. It could get pretty boring staring at desert for hours on end and she had to make a conscious effort to stay focused.

Despite her resolve, her mind wandered to her friends and the recent stress between them. Even though it had nothing to do with her, it hurt; it hurt to see her friends drifting apart like they were. They had the barest chance of success even if they all worked together, with them disjointed and argumentative like this, they would surely die. She sighed as she scanned the open desert, watching a vulture circle overhead, something somewhere was dying, perchance it was her heart.

And poor Lizzy to be caught in the middle of the two boys' affections.

Lizzy wasn't a tease, she wasn't leading them on or going behind their backs, she was just doing her best to keep the guys from killing each other. They were on a slippery slope and Lizzy couldn't ignore this problem forever. One day soon, she'd have to confront them both and either choose one or reject both. But she wasn't sure how that would turn out, just because she had been drunk out of her mind didn't mean she hadn't noticed Neah's vicious attack on Cross at the last exorcists ball. Or the way Cross had callously treated Neah after destroying the Akuma at Mana's the other day.

They both loved Lizzy very much and both would treat her well, she just feared how the loser would handle rejection. Neah was so sweet and loving; the heartbreak just may cause him to lose control to his Inner Noah which was slowly becoming more prominent. And Cross was finally coming out of his resentful, cynical shell; Maria wasn't sure how his vulnerable heart would deal with refusal.

Why did her life have to be so complicated?

She blew a stray bang out of eyes as she continued her vigil. She stopped and stared out into the bleakness, sometimes the position as Guardian seemed wasteful, who would attack in the middle of nowhere? Something fast moving grabbed her attention in the distance. She squinted to get a better look at whatever was heading their way. Whatever it was, it certainly wasn't a vulture.

She hesitated. She had pulled the Akuma alarm once in her first year as Guardian and it had turned out to be a bunch of kids looking for treasure in the desert. Plus she wasn't anxious to step on anymore toes after the whole Central investigation. Was it better to play it safe and pull the alarm and risk being wrong or to wait until she was positive and invite attack? She leaned closer to get a better look, only to see a fireball heading towards her; she dove behind a stone wall as it exploded. The wall in front of her smoked and she coughed and stumbled to her feet.

Shit, she staggered over to the alarm; she had to alert the others.

The observation post was high up and isolated, it wouldn't surprise her if the lower levels thought the explosion was the science division or even nothing at all. She pulled roughly down on the lever, wincing as a bone in her shoulder moved unnaturally. She had to protect these people, even at the cost of her own life.

"A-attention all personnel, there are several level two Akuma attacking. All non-combatants please make your way to the lower levels. I repeat-" she jumped back as the intercom exploded in her hands, the Akuma behind her grinned, but the alarm was blazing and the base alerted.

"You're no fun girly; you went and spoiled the surprise. I'll have to kill you for that." It rushed her, it was fast dammit, and she only barely dodged it. She landed roughly on her arm and muffled a gasp of pain.

"Oh so you want to play do you? I'll be happy to oblige." She stood up only to be pinned against the wall. "You know, you have got to be the worst Guardian ever, you can't even keep yourself alive." Her throat tickled as her Innocence begged for action. She activated her Innocence and watched as the Akuma was blown back by the force of her song.

"You little-" she didn't give it a chance to continue and hit him again with her paralyzing melody. It writhed under her as her blood pounded in her ears, compelled by the awesome power of Innocence. It exploded under the sheer pressure of her shield. She took but a moment to gasp for air before sprinting down to the lower levels. There had been at least three Akuma and, though there were other exorcists around, it was her job as Branch Guardian to protect these people.

She quite literally ran into another Akuma as it terrorized a wounded exorcist. She quickly threw up a shield for her and the young exorcist. It was Ashley Scarlett, a soft-spoken exorcist she didn't really know. Maria stood in front of the poor guy as the Akuma beat against her shield.

"Are you alright Ashley?" she asked as the man wheezed, gripping the gushing wound in his chest, he needed medical attention and fast.

"D-don't worry, I'll be alright." He smiled weakly up at her. "You shouldn't be-be here; there a-are many others who-who need your help. D-d-don't worry, Maria, I'll-I'll be fine." He looked terrible, but she couldn't get him help until the Akuma was destroyed. It clawed at the shield as it growled and cursed, she was sick and tired of not being able to do anything. She glared up at the Akuma willing it away with all her might, and much to her surprise, it suddenly, twitched and flew full force into a nearby wall and exploded.

Her body ached and did her head ever hurt, but that wasn't important right now. She released the shield and draped her coat over Ashley's trembling body.

"Just relax, you'll be fine, I'm going to get some help for you, just hold on." She gave his hand a gentle squeeze as he looked up at her gratefully. She reluctantly ran off leaving him alone to eradicate the final Akuma who dared invade her home and hurt her babies. She panicked as she rounded a corner to see several unconscious exorcists surrounding a large, level two Akuma.

It hovered menacingly over two bloodied science officers. One was shakily aiming a gun at the creature, it laughed at their efforts. She opened her mouth to sing only to find her throat constricted. Goddammit, this was no time for her Innocence to fail. Maybe she could at least lead the monster away from them.

"Hey ugly, what are you doing playing with them? Come on over here and I'll show you a good time." She shouted, her voice cracking as she spoke.

It grinned widely as it raised its colossal foot and squashed the screaming scientists flat before she could move. Her face paled and her heart nearly burst in agony. How could she let this happen? They were her responsibility. How could she let her babies die like this for no reason at all? The Akuma charged her only to be split in half by half by another barely conscious, struggling exorcist. She swallowed the tearful lump in her throat and set about doing everything she could to help her babies. She surveyed the broken building around her and crying people, all of this was her fault.

The damage had been pretty bad. Aside from much of the observation post being almost completely destroyed, much of the science department and officer's quarters were still burning from the impact of another fireball. Everyone remarked at how amazing it was that so few people died, but each death wrought a painful chord to Maria's heart. Aside from the two scientists, one finder and one communications officer were burned alive when the aft administrative section exploded.

Ashley Scarlett also died from blood loss later that afternoon. Maria sat by his side and held his hand right up until the moment he passed.

The Branch Chief patted her shoulder as Ashley was wheeled with the others to the morgue, telling Maria that there was nothing more she could have done, but Maria knew better. She could've gotten there faster, she could've been more skilled with her Innocence, she didn't have to be so fucking useless, there were a hundred million things she could have done to have saved these people.

She had been given orders to rest in the infirmary for her mild concussion and broken scapula, but she ardently refused. She instead worked alongside her charges in rebuilding the base and healing the numerous wounded. As she helped injured people into their beds and moved pieces of blood splattered stone, she silently wept for those she had been unable to save, begging their forgiveness for her weakness and beseeching God for more strength.

**DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM**

They said he couldn't do it, but here he was six hours later taking his first break. Cross closed the enormous book in front of him and rubbed his tender eyes. He had been meaning to do this for a while, but with all the missions, he had been unable to find any time. However the jackasses in power decided that he and Lizzy needed some time off of missions to 'regain their strength and their think about their resolve'. It pissed him off to no end, but at least something good came of it.

He stretched his back and began replacing some of the weighty magic books he had been reviewing in the dusty library; it was beautiful and infrequently used which Cross had always thought was a shame. The guys were always teasing him for his interest in magic, he'd even found a witch's hat nailed to his door after he'd casually mentioned it once in conversation.

Cross had discovered his aptitude in magic while working with his father in the science department. A lot of crazy shit went on in there and sometimes the scientists drifted into the less than scientific in order to perfect their inventions. While the others praised his natural abilities, his father had scolded him for what he called 'taking the easy way out'. Once he became an exorcist, he'd only used his magic skills in passing and he thought it was about time he really developed them.

He was certain they would come in handy someday.

As Cross set away the books, he began to realize why he had avoided taking a break for long. Once his mind was no longer occupied with spells and formulas, it immediately wandered back to all the problems he had been eagerly avoiding. Cross wasn't one for regret and reflection, he was one to do something stupid then try and fix it rather than sit and guiltily stew over it.

So why did he feel so bad about Neah? Things had become difficult between them lately sure, but dammit, what was happening to them? He still couldn't believe what he had said to Neah, to his friend, that day at Mana's. He had known those words were hurtful, but he'd said them anyway, almost enjoying the look of angry pain on his friend's face.

He… he was confused.

Neah was his friend and so was Lizzy, so why did he feel so different around them? Why did he get so pissed when Lizzy was with Neah that he had to act like a total asshole? Shit, maybe he was unconsciously worried that Neah's Inner Noah would hurt her. Dammit, that couldn't be right, he knew Neah better than that. Neah wouldn't hurt a fly, even if Lizzy was an arrogant, bossy, flippant, resilient, beautiful, loving… He shook his head. He hastily replaced the last book and walked back to the table. He was probably avoiding her because he was didn't want to worry her with his fears about Neah; she was sweet that way, in every way in fact.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, he still had a mountain of books to get through, plus he needed to practice all the spells he was memorizing. He expected to be down here the rest of the night and all of the next day and probably the day after that just to be safe.

Maybe then could he stop thinking of big brunette eyes and fine russet hair.

He was thus startled to find the girl he was trying not to think about sitting at his table, flipping through one of his unread books. Had it gotten warmer in here or was it just him? She looked up at him and smiled and the dim room became that much brighter.

"Damn Cross, how the hell can you read this for so long, I'm already cross-eyed after five minutes of this stuff." He grinned uneasily as he cautiously took the spot next to her. She closed the heavy book and turned to face him with an expression of concern.

"You've been down here for an awful long time, I was getting worried your brain died so I came to check on you, to see if you needed saving from yourself." He rolled his eyes and grabbed the book from her hands, his fingers tingling from the brief moment of contact. Her hands were soft.

"Just you wait; this is going to save our skins on of these days. There are some useful spells in here, if you want; I could uh teach you a few, y-you know, for protection." Crap, wasn't he supposed to be avoiding her? Now he was really confused.

"Here I'll show you." He said, mentally searching through the thousands of spells he'd just read. Picking a simple one, he muttered a few verses under his breath and moved his hands as the diagrams had shown. One of the books lifted off the table and shot back to its place on the book shelf. Lizzy squealed with delight and clapped her hands at the display. His heart warmed at the thought that he had brought her such pleasure with such a simple trick.

"That's amazing! I had no idea this magic stuff was actually real. With skills like that, you'll make General for sure!" He'd be lying if he denied how much those compliments meant to him. Maria regularly praised him as well without the same reaction, so this difference wasn't because she was a girl.

"It's really easy; it-it wouldn't take long to learn." Alone time with Lizzy, he cheeks burned at the thought. They were alone together all the time. What was so strange about that? Nothing, so why did he feel so light-headed?

"I appreciate the offer, but I'm afraid I wouldn't make that great a student. I suck at memorizing and there is no way I could do this in the middle of a battle." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as she spoke. Has she always done that? And more importantly, why did he care? He didn't want Lizzy to be around Neah, why? Of course it had to be because he was concerned for her safety. The way Neah had lashed out him at the exorcist's ball clearly indicated that he was unstable. But why now? Neah had been friends with them for awhile now, why was his Inner Noah going crazy now of all times?

There had to be another reason, he was a scientist, he would figure out what it was eventually.

"Cross? Cross? Are you listening?" he blinked, wow, he had really spaced out on her. He shook his head in apology as he rubbed the back of his neck. She rolled her eyes in lack of surprise.

"Looks like I came down here just in time, your brain really has short-circuited. Let's head back to your room, you can work on these later." He nodded as he allowed her to drag him back to his room, maybe she right, maybe he was sick or something. Because that might explain why he felt so damn weird around Lizzy these days. As they reached the library door, the librarian scolded them harshly.

"Children, how many times must I tell you? The library is a place of learning, not of teenage love affairs, if you must be intimate, please take it elsewhere." They both blushed heartily and explained how they weren't doing anything of the sort. The librarian huffed angrily and continued her work. They quickly made themselves scarce and giggled once in the halls.

"Crazy old bat, she thought we were a couple. Can you believe that?" Lizzy joked, Cross smiled though it felt more like a twitch. Reaching his room, Lizzy asked if he wanted some company before they turned in for the night. He shook his head, he should probably get some sleep, it was late after all. She shrugged and waved as she sauntered down the hallway toward her own room. Cross closed the door and leaned against it heavily, staring at his bed but not really seeing anything.

Was that it? Could it really be so frighteningly simple? Was he in lo-o-o. He put his head in his hands. No, that just wasn't possible, Lizzy was his friend. He couldn't possibly feel _that_ way for her. Throwing off his coat, he flopped down on the bed. Then what was the deal with Neah? Was he trying to protect her from his friend's anger or his affections? What the hell, he was going to go to sleep and figure it out later. He'd talk to Lizzy in the morning, everything would be set straight and things would go back to normal.

He gripped his pillow as his eyelids closed, dreaming of a pretty girl with the kind smile and another boy who was fading right before his eyes.

* * *

_There's battle lines being drawn  
Nobody's right if everybody's wrong  
Young people speaking their minds  
Getting so much resistance from behind  
__I think it's time we stop, hey, what's that sound  
Everybody look what's going down. ~ Buffalo Springfield_

* * *

This is a game changing chapter. Tensions rise between our young heroes, the Earl begins to question Neah, the Order is proving more and more to be unreliable and, dammit, Cross is finally realizing what we've known forever. I love my stupid, silly, ignorant boys :) So from here on out, things are going to get tough. Long gone are the carefree days of Ark hopping and worriless gaeity. Now things are getting serious. Will they be able to get around their respective families? Who will Lizzy choose if she chooses anyone at all? Can their friendship weather their first test of their resolve? You'll just have to read on.

For you crazy NeahxLizzy and CrossxLizzy shippers, your day has arrived for the Fluff chapter is next!

_For What It's Worth_ (c) was written and is owned by Buffalo Springfield :)


	10. Love Street

_Disclaimer: I do not own any part of D. Gray-man nor any of its characters. I can only close my eyes and quietly play dress up with said characters in my head and hope I'm not desecrating Hoshino Katsura's work too much._

For those of you who care, Author's Notes will be at the end of every chapter and any and all questions will be gleefully answered if asked.

* * *

_She lives on Love Street_

_Lingers long on Love Street_

_She has a house and garden_

_I would like to see what happens_

* * *

"Uh Neah, not that we're not delighted to see you, but um… what are you doing here?" Neah was shaken out of his dejected state by Rhode's simple, and quite reasonable, question. She stared up at him with the childlike confusion of one who can't comprehend the true depths of misery. A few of the other Noah looked up as well; as if each had been secretly wondering the same thing, but had been too embarrassed to ask. Neah put a coy and completely insincere smile on his face.

"What are you talking about?" Of course he did know, it was a beautiful Friday afternoon just about five o'clock and it seemed the sun was shining just about everywhere except here. On days like these, Neah was always decidingly absent from the company of his fellow Noah, usually hanging out with his exorcist friends somewhere in the world. It didn't surprise him to see his siblings eyeing him warily at his sudden presence amongst them. Rhode cocked her head.

"Well, it's just you never hang out with us. The only time I really see you is at dinner and the few times we go out together." The smile felt heavy on his face and sheer will was the only thing that kept it up. By the way he smiled around here; the others must've thought he was so relaxed all the time.

"Just felt like a change of pace, you know, I wanted to see what you all did here." He didn't miss the unbelieving scoff that came from Amora's direction. She turned to him with an incredulous expression.

"You don't have to lie Neah; we all know that you hate us and that you're only here because you have to be." She chuckled as she picked up a flower from the vase at the table she was sitting on. She lazily twirled it between her long grey fingers. "You can't hide much in this family. We all know that the Earl's favorite got into trouble for skipping dinner a while back. We know that he took away your brother and your freedom and confined you to Edo as punishment." She lovingly plucked a petal from the flower and let it rain down to the floor.

"We know that you're upset because you love your secret excursions into the human world, which I'm sorry to say, really aren't that secret." Another petal was viciously plucked and followed its sibling onto the cold, unrelenting floor.

"We know that you don't like us because you're too damn soft for your own good. We also know that the Earl is now regretting indulging your weaknesses and is now conflicted as to where your true loyalties lie." The dying flower lost another guiltless petal taken in soft malice, almost beautiful in its cruelty. She turned her eyes up at Neah as she spun the near naked stem with languid precision.

"We know that despite your Noah genes; you are not, and probably never will be, one of us. We know that you cling to your lowly human ideals and stain our clan's name with your filthy moralities. We also know that a day will come in the future where either we won't need you or you won't need us. And on that glorious day, brother dear, we will eradicate your existence and win this war without your weighty compassionate heart to drag us down." She crumpled the remaining stem with a strength that caused green droplets to drip menacingly between her fingers.

Her palm opened and the dead plant hit the ground in soundless agony. Neah swallowed and struggled to maintain his breathing as the others just stared. The large room was silent except for the hushed heartbeats of the Noah clan. Amora slowly stood, as if unaware of the awed tension she had caused. She lazily stretched her arms and smiled leisurely.

"I do believe the air in this room has become pungent with the stench of benevolence. Those who can't stand its bitter stench can join me elsewhere, where only real Noah are welcomed." With one last haughty glare thrown over her shoulder; she sauntered out the room, her hips swaying with pride, armed with the knowledge everyone would follow her.

The remaining Noah sat silent for a few moments more before Edmund and Hassan stood up and exited the room. They said nothing as they left, but Edmund gave a vague growl under his breath as he passed Neah. Daniel prayed to his Lord the entire time he walked to the door, speaking loudly and vehemently as if trying to ward off the one who had betrayed his God.

Denis sighed and proclaimed that all the interesting people had left and walked out the room, all the while giving Neah a look that said 'I told you so'. Saoirse kicked her feet as she contemplated her next move, frowning; she decided that she would go for a walk. Shohei, of course, was immediately behind her. Neither spared Neah even a glance as they left. The other nearly nameless three, who were always silent and unobtrusive during these times, got up and left as well.

Rhode looked around the empty room with saddened exasperation and then back at Neah.

"You know that she was just kidding. We're just all frustrated and this room is a bit stuffy. Why don't we join them in the other room, I'm sure it's nicer in there." A small, sad smile, so different from the ones he normally gave her, appeared on his face.

"I don't think that would make much of a difference. Why don't you go on, I think I'll just sit here for a little bit." She pursued her lips as she was forced to choose between family members. Eventually though, only Neah and Analyse remained in the room. She sat indifferently on the couch with a large book in her hands; she peered up at Neah over the top of the book.

"In case you are wondering, I am not leaving. I really should be thanking you for vacating those ruffians from my reading area." Neah ignored her and looked down as his hands nervously twitched piano chords on his pants. Dammit, he wanted to leave so badly, but where would he go? "It seems you can no longer balance both of your lives, brother. You must choose either the Noah or the Innocence. As a word of caution, while the side of God may bring you happiness and peace of mind, the side of the Earl will bring you survival. The choice is, of course, all yours."

Neah's hands shook as her honeyed words laid out the situation he had been so desperate to avoid. He quickly stood up and made his way out of the room. He had to get out of there, out of the oppressive room with Analyse, out of Edo, out of his collapsing life. Damn the Earl and his punishment, he needed… he needed Lizzy. Goddammit, more than anything, even more than Mana, right now he wanted Lizzy to tell him that everything would be okay. Without a care for who was watching, he summoned a gate to European Headquarters.

Only once he arrived in the dark, abandoned room they used did he realize how late it was there. Doing the math in his head, he realized with dismay that it was after midnight here in the London and all the hardworking warriors of God, including Lizzy, were sleeping soundly. He considered turning around right then and there, but... but he was just so confused, so alone. He needed to see Lizzy right now. He pursed his lips, he would just stop by for a few minutes and calm down and hop back to Edo without her ever knowing he was there.

Thank god he knew the way to her room as it was ridiculously close to the science department. He softly opened the door and found her in her bed, the covers half off of her sleeping body and her limbs all tangled up in what covers remained. His heart immediately relaxed, she always had that sort of effect on him. He silently entered, so to not to disturb her well-deserved slumber. He pulled up a chair beside her and just enjoyed watching her deep breaths.

_It wasn't stalking_, he told himself quietly as he watched, _he was just making sure she was alright was all._

She looked so peaceful lying there without any worries in the world; it was nice to see her so relaxed for once. The trials and tribulations of his life bled over into hers, she had been suffering just as greatly as he as of late. He sighed softly, wishing he could do more for her. Alas, it seemed all he could do was pull her covers up; she shifted but otherwise remained motionless. He never wanted to hurt her or to get her involved in something so dangerous.

B-but he didn't know what he would do without her, he had come to rely on her steady smile and calm intelligence. He brushed his fingers lightly against her fine hair, even sound asleep she looked absolutely beautiful. Neah thought not for the first time how lucky he was to have such a wonderful person in his life. Russet eyes blearily opened as a soft moan escape her lips. He quickly withdrew his hand and tried to fade into the darkness.

"Cross? Is that you?" she asked, sitting up with a small yawn, he frowned, what would Cross be doing here in the middle of the night? He quickly pushed such unpleasant thoughts out of his head as Lizzy ruffled her sleep addled hair. She squinted her eyes and looked closer.

"Neah? What are doing here? Do you-yawn- have any idea what time it is?" How did she- Ah, the eyes, he's never changed out of his Noah skin coming from Edo and the glowing golden eyes tended to be a bit of a giveaway in the darkness. He let his skin fade as he grinned clumsily; he hadn't intended on being caught and was thus unsure of what to say to her. How could he explain his presence without sounding like a total creep? She rubbed her eyes and fumbled for the lamp on the table, the sudden light made both of them wince. Yawning once more, she looked at him a little more alert.

"Is there something wrong? Did you need something?" she asked sweetly, seemingly unconcerned by the fact that he had just pulled her from blissful sleep. And for what? Because his family hated him? As if that was news to anyone. He started playing with his hands nervously, turning away from her worried face.

"I-I'm sorry to wake you. I mean, I just needed to get away and I uh didn't know where else to go. It was pretty stupid now that I think about it. I'll just pop out and let you get back to sleep." He said standing up abruptly. There was no need to bother her, or her rather sheer nightgown, any further.

"I'm already awake so you might as well stay. Why don't you tell me what's bothering you, I know better than anyone that sometimes an open set of ears is all you need to put a problem into perspective." He smiled appreciatively as she made room for him on the bed. He hesitated only for a moment before he slowly sat next to her. He took a deep breath as she laid her head on his shoulder and rolled her eyes up to him, waiting for him to begin.

He didn't really know what to say, but her understanding eyes suddenly opened the gates and before he knew it, he was telling her everything- and he meant everything. He explained all of the troubles he'd been experiencing in Edo, how the Earl was beginning to lose faith in him, the ever widening cavern between him and the Noah and the general stresses he'd endured from juggling two lives on top of the constant threat of death.

Lizzy listened patiently, never once stopping him as he poured his heart and troubles onto her. It felt so good to get it all off of his chest, but he felt slightly guilty afterwards, what right had he to complain when he knew things were getting just as hard here at the Order?

"Damn Neah, your life sucks." She said after he had finished his outburst. He chuckled; he loved how she could sum up everything he felt in so few words. She leaning against his shoulder and he was all too aware of how thin her nightgown was, he fought down the blush that threatened to mark his face. "I never knew you had it so hard, I mean, it's been hard for all of us, but you've never said anything." She said quietly, cuddling closer. "It makes me sad to know that you've been dealing with this all by yourself. Why didn't you tell us? We would've done anything to help you." She said, turning her eyes up to him. He stroked her hair more out of instinct than any real awareness.

"I don't know, it just seemed like one of those things you just dealt with. Besides, you have your own problems to deal with without adding all of mine onto it." He also wanted to keep the two lives as separate as possible; he wanted to keep the Noah and their murderous ways far, far away from his friends, far away from her. She rolled her eyes with a light smirk and snuggled closer into him.

He could feel the warmth of her body against his as he ran his hands through her hair. He breathed in the smell of fresh flowers and gun power as he nuzzled with her. He needed this, oh how he had needed this, he needed to feel some sort of love when it felt like he'd been drowning in hate. He loved her, goddammit he loved her so much. He rested his chin on top of her messy, sleep tousled hair and planted little kisses into her hairline. He could sit here for the rest of his life if allowed, just holding her close to him where the world and all of its demons couldn't reach them. Happy, he was so very happy right now.

He frowned thoughtfully into her hair. He could make her happy too, couldn't he? He was nice, thoughtful and charming. _And modest,_ he thought rolling his eyes a little. B-but Lizzy would happy with him, he would treat her well, love her with everything he had and make as life with life if she would have him.

Maybe he should just tell her how he felt.

Neah's cheeks burned at the thought, he…he couldn't do that. It was, it would be just too weird, what would she say? She would probably pull back and push him away, tell him to get away from her and to never touch her ever again. B-but what if she returned his feelings, what if she lo-lo- cared for him too? He kept on kneading his hands through her hair as the theatre of his mind mulled over all the wonderful, beautiful, brilliant possibilities that thought held.

A steady relationship, warm kisses, long walks on the beach, a ring, a flowing white dress, a kid or two with brunette hair and silver eyes…

_That would make everything better,_ he thought, planting another loving kiss just above her ear. He could deal with whatever Edo had to throw at him so long as he had this beautiful, amazing, perfect by his side.

"Lizzy, I-I love you." She made a little noise in her throat as she maneuvered her head to look up at him. He flushed, oh shit, had he said that out loud? A hundred thousand excuses came to mind on how he could possibly weasel his way out of this, a slip of the tongue, a random thought, a mistake of any sort... "I-I've always loved you Lizzy, from the moment I met you, I d-decided that I wanted t-to be with you always, th-that I would always protect you and keep you happy. I just-" he held her closer to himself, taking the fateful plunge "-I just love you so damn much." She was silent and unmoving in his arms.

"And I love you too Neah." She whispered quietly, so he could barely hear her. His heart stopped, had she-? Did she just-? "I love all of you so much, you, Cross, Maria, y-you mean more to me than I can ever hope to describe in words." She said softly, burying herself deeper into his shirt. He felt a little of the life go out of him, maybe-maybe she just didn't understand. He pushed some hair from her face as he smiled down at her.

"No Lizzy, you don't get it, I lo-"

"You all are my best friends; I can't imagine where I would be right now if I didn't have all of you to keep me on my feet. You all make me so happy, so very happy and in these difficult times it's so great to have someone special to rely on you know? To have someone important to cling to when things get rough." She sighed happily as she turned away from him to stare off into space at some unknown future.

"It makes me happy to think that someday, this war will all be over and we won't have to hide anymore. All of us can be together without war or hatred and things will just be so wonderful. I just can't wait for the time when we can all be happy."

Neah felt his heart lift as Lizzy spoke. He…he understood, he looked down lovingly at her and kissed her forehead tenderly, causing her to blush oh so beautifully. Between the Earl, the Order and even goddamned Cross, things were too hard right now for them to form a real relationship. So she was asking him to wait for her until the war's end, to wait until they could be together at last. Of course he would, he would wait his entire life if he had to for this girl.

It would be difficult, sure, but the thought of Lizzy's bright eyes sparkling behind a wedding veil would see him through all the dark days approaching. _Yes_, he thought stroking her cheek; _Lizzy was definitely what he had needed_. He reluctantly let her go and climbed off of her bed. She smiled up at him as she tucked some hair behind her ear and settled herself back under her covers.

"Are you feeling better Neah?" she asked, he nodded unable to keep the grin off of his face.

"Never been better, love, never been better. Thank you, thank you so much for your comforting embrace and your… inspiring words." He said gently. He looked down at his feet for a moment deciding the course of action he should. He knew what he wanted to do and what he should do, and yet still he lingered. One last shy, flushed glance at Lizzy's sweet, comforting face sealed his decision. If he didn't do it now, he would regret it for the rest of his life.

So before he could think about it anymore, he leaned down and planted a soft kiss on her mouth.

She gasped a little at his actions, but she didn't push him away and that was good enough for him. It wasn't all together racy, fairly innocent as far as first kisses go in fact, but it made his heart soar. He brought his hand up to run his fingers through her hair one last time before he pulled back, relishing the lingering feeling of her warm lips against his own. He straightened up and watched her blush and pull back as she fumbled nervously for the light. Once the room was dark, he heard her yawn and he decided that it would be best for him to retreat so she could get her rest.

"T-thank you Lizzy, for-for everything. I know this might sound strange to you, but that just made everything okay, now I feel that I can take on the world." He thinks he saw her smile back and he was able to turn away from her easily and make his way back to Edo, back to his own personal hell.

They had the rest of their lives after all.

He paused. Only one thing was bothering him, something that had been nagging him from the moment Lizzy had woken up. As he grasped the door handle, he slowly turned back to Lizzy's bed as she settled more comfortably beneath the covers.

"Hey Liz, before you go to sleep, just one last question. When you first work up, you thought I was Cross, is there uh any particular reason for that?" Lizzy yawned again, already halfway sleep as she answered him lazily.

"Sometimes if he can't sleep, Cross will come and sit here like you did. He has some pretty bad nightmares so I thought you were him at first." She said quietly as she drifted back to sleep. It took all of Neah's self-control not to slam the door in anger. He stood in the hall and huffed angrily trying to control his rage. That…that bastard! Did Cross just think he could have these secret meetings with Lizzy whenever he wanted? Neah had been promised Lizzy, she had…had said she would wait for him and here Cross was just loving her up anytime he saw fit? Coming into her bedroom while Neah was thousands of miles away unaware?

And what was he even doing during that time, during those long, dark hours that they were alone together? Was he also caressing her hair or cuddling close to her and her transparent nightgown. The thought filled him with an inconsolable rage.

'_See my darling, you cannot trust these humans. They may claim to be your friends, but they will go behind your back and betray you the moment you leave. She does not care for you; she desires only your power and not your affections. At least the Noah are open in their dislike, they give you no false pretenses and do not toy with your heart so. But I, I will always love you and I will never betray you.' _

The voice only further served to anger Neah as he forcefully summoned a gate and stomped back to Edo, his good mood gone in his jealous anger. So Lizzy and Cross really were going behind his back. Well, two can play this game. They'd see, they'd all see, he would win this war and would have Lizzy. One way or another. And maybe, just maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to take up the Earl's throne. As the new Millennium Earl, he could make a change for the better. As he left Europe to return to Edo, he ignored the sharp burning in his heart and the serene snickering of his Inner Noah.

**DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM**

It was the little things in life, Cross decided, that made life worth living. A cool, crisp German evening, the knowledge of a mission well done, a sparkling night sky….

"I swear you never find an evening like this in England, isn't it beautiful Cross?" Lizzy sighed with a humbleness not normally found in her voice.

…And a beautiful girl to share this night with.

"Yeah, beautiful." He said with a humbleness only found when he was around Lizzy.

They were alone for the first time in a long time. Neah was still under house arrest in Edo miserable as anything. He'd looked really pale yesterday and had barely said two words to either of them. It made Cross worried about what was happening over there in Japan. He really wished there was more he could do for his friend, but the warm body next to him was slightly distracting.

Maria was also unavailable; she was fanatically cleaning up the North American base after the horrific Akuma attack a few weeks back. They hadn't talked to her since the attack and visiting the base was out of the question, not with Leverrier watching their every step. Speaking to the Branch Chief in yet another desperate phone call, they'd learned that she had been tirelessly working around the clock without rest to aid the injured and help rebuild.

So two of his friends were falling apart at the seams, Central was convinced they were traitors, they were in the middle of a fucking war with evil incarnate and he was concerned with a single girl? Boy oh boy did he ever need to get his priorities in check.

He couldn't deny it any more, Lizzy was an amazing beautiful girl and he lo-o-o-. He sighed to himself; perhaps this would harder than he thought. But he wasn't even sure if he should make any moves in that direction. First of all, Lizzy was his best friend, he cared for all his friends, but he shared something with Lizzy that he didn't have with the others. He was extremely reluctant to risk his friendship for a relationship that could destroy everything they have. Second was Neah, Cross may be an asshole sometimes, but he really did care for his only male friend. Neah was his friend and his brother in arms. Cross was really upset that a girl was coming between them like this, but goddammit, what a girl it was.

Things had been pretty cold between the two of them recently, they'd laughed and joked as always, but there was an underlying mistrust that hadn't been there before. But as much as it upset him, Cross just couldn't help but get all jealous and defensive whenever Neah was around. He was also getting really worried about Neah's health as well. Aside from the obvious sleepless nights and boundless stress, there was something different in his gaze. As he hung out with them, Neah's eyes had less light than they used to, he spoke curtly and harshly, even occasionally to Lizzy. It reminded Cross of his violent slip at the exorcist's ball when Neah's Inner Noah had taken control.

What worried him was that this time, the intrusion now seemed to be consensual.

"Cross, do you miss your father?" He turned his head towards her, where on earth did that come from? He had confessed to her long ago about the troubles and abuse he'd suffered at his father's hand, but what did that have to do with here and now? He rolled his eyes upwards as he thought.

"I wouldn't exactly say I miss him, I mean, I never really got to know him. He was either drunk out of his mind or sober, which really, was almost worse. I think about him a lot, about what I learned from him. But as awful as it sounds, I remember just feeling relief when I heard that he'd died of a heart attack in his bathtub." There, he might not win son of the year, but at least he was honest.

His old man-he and his father never really got along. Hell, if he hadn't become an exorcist, he'd probably still be living in that dirty, broken house, trying to keep his abusive father alive just one more day.

He used to feel guilty about his father's death, which was indirectly caused by him by not regulating his father's alcohol consumption. He finally forgave himself when he realized that, with or without his help, his father would have eventually succeeded in drinking himself to death, a goal he started when his mother ran off oh so long ago. Lizzy was quiet beside him as the sky twinkled above them.

He breathed in the air; it was so peaceful here out in this grassy wet field. Tomorrow they would return to Headquarters on the first train with the Innocence they'd collected today and meander through their dreary, dying existence, but for now, he would enjoy this momentary bliss.

"How can you? I mean, look at what he did to you. All the times he hit you or ignored you or-or abandoned you… How can you still care?"

_Ah_, he realized with understanding, _so that's what this was all about._

"Do you miss your father Lizzy?" She frowned as she looked up at sky, searching for the right words in the glittering heavens.

"I-I miss the man who called me 'peaches', who had a bright and chipper face that was always ready to make me smile. Who read stories to me at night with a reckless abandon that made even the dullest story seem fantastic." She took a deep breath as if to remind herself of reality.

"But-but when I try and remember my father, all I can see is an angry, flushed face. He would whisper lovingly for my distraught mother and sisters to leave the room while he glared down at me with a passionate hatred. He gave me nothing except heartbreak as he pushed me out of my home and into the arms of the exorcists. When I think of him, I can't see him smiling down at me anymore, all I can see is his disgusted face telling me to leave and never come back." She said softly as she fiddled with the grass around her. She cuddled closer to him, seeking comfort and maybe even a few answers.

"I don't know how I feel about him. I mean, I miss my family and my life, but I still feel this empty pain where I believe love should be. I don't think I can love him anymore, but I just can't bring myself to hate him either." She whispered as she clung tightly to him. He stroked her hair with love and admiration. He understood that feeling of confliction, is it better to love the one who hurt you? Or to hate someone you once loved? She was normally so strong, but everyone needed support every now and again. Everyone needed to be reminded that they were loved once in a while.

"Well only you can decide whether you want to love or hate him. My father was a drunken bastard, but I learned a lot of things about life from him. I learned about the world and what it holds, I discovered the Black Order and became a scientist and eventually an exorcist and I grew to understand myself and the kind of person I wanted to be." He looked over at her in the dim light to see her staring intently up at the sky, but her stiffened posture told him that she was still listening. He sighed.

"I know it's hard, but why don't you try and forgive him? I know he hurt you and what he did was wrong, but he was frightened and unsure. Instead of remembering those hurtful times, remember him for what he is, your father. Those bitter memories only make the good memories dirty. Maybe if you can learn to forgive him, then maybe one day you will come to understand why he did what he did."

A cloud covered the moon above them so, for a few moments, they were engulfed in darkness. When the light returned, he was only mildly surprised to see Lizzy crying silently. The moon illuminated the glowing tears as they ran down her face. She smiled as turned her eyes up toward him.

"I can't imagine how I lived so long without you. How the hell do you always know what to say to make me feel better? Don't you guys ever leave me; I couldn't live without you, all of you." His heart fluttered, she couldn't really mean that, she was just caught up in the moment is all. Any minute she'd sit up and crack a joke before they returned back to their small hotel room and forget this intimate exchange under the stars ever occurred. But she didn't move, if anything she got closer to him, God he could even feel her heartbeat thudding against his own.

He took a deep, steadying breath and reminded himself to remain calm in the face of... whatever these damn hormones were doing to him. Lizzy seemed unaware of his confliction she was causing him as she cuddled closer to him. He bit his lip, she was so close, she was lying right next to him looking just as happy and comfortable as could be.

He could only imagine how hard it was to get over all of the crap her family gave her. He just-he just wanted her to be happy, to remind her that she was loved very much. He gently stroked her hair, it was in times such as these when it seemed that the whole world was about to come crashing down upon them that they needed to remember what was important-what was worth fighting for.

"Hey now," he said lightly, leaning into her. "There's no reason to cry, I know it's hard right now, but things will work out one way or another." She rolled her eyes to meet his, sniffling the last bits of her cathartic sorrow away.

"You really think so?" she asked quietly. He pursed his lips, no, he wasn't sure. But she needed reassurance right now, not the heartbreaking truth that this war would most likely kill them. He smiled easily, relishing at how she mirrored the expression right back at him. God she looked beautiful tonight. The moonlight lit up her milky skin and as he continued to run his hand through her silky hair, he slowly realized the full extent of his feelings.

He didn't just care for her; he _loved _her.

But he sighed to himself. Maybe someday he'd actually tell her how he felt about her. Anything, even rejection, was better than this restless anticipation. But that was for another day, a day when they didn't have to worry about their lives or their friends. So he opened his mouth to tell her that it was getting late and that they'd better head back so they could catch the early train tomorrow morning.

That was not what came out.

"Lizzy," he said softly. "I think I love you, will you marry me?"

The wind blew quietly between them, though not as quiet or as resolute as the silence that befell them after that statement. He let one or two moments pass before he was able to fully comprehend the words that he had spoken. He could feel a bright red blush stealing across his face like wildfire. Lizzy beside him, to her credit, did not push him away or scream or do much of anything. Instead she just stared up at him with wide eyes with a familiar blush marring her white skin.

He could not even find words to describe the horror that was constricting his throat at the moment. How could he have been so stupid! How could he have-Lizzy just continued to stare up at him with blatant emptiness. Cross's heart clenched painfully in his chest at the expression. _She was going to say no,_ he thought sadly. _Worse yet, she's going to hate me forever._ He was supposed to be her _friend_ dammit, and look at what he was putting on her, look at what he had done to the friendship he valued above just about everything else. He frowned.

Just take it back.

All he had to do was say that he had been joking, smile and slink back to their hotel and never, ever mention the incident ever again even under threat of torture. That's what he should do, but the small, despairingly naïve part of him that had caused him to utter those auspicious words were now telling him to hope for the impossible, to hope for the three lettered word he was dying to hear.

"Bwah" he mumbled incoherently as he tried to form the words he wanted so desperately to say and, at the same time, was too terrified to. But Lizzy stopped him before he could try again. She sat up quickly, getting up and out of his arms before he could do anything and standing shakily up on her feet. Lying down on the ground, he couldn't quite make out her expression through the moon's shadow, but he could imagine it all too well.

_No_

She didn't say it, but she didn't have to. The image of her running back in the direction of their shared hotel room was answer enough. He sat up and watched her go silently, without any protest. Once her form was out of view he growled to himself and fell back onto the cool grass. He held his fists to his head and cursed himself, hoping that God would listen to him for once and just smite him right then and there.

"You idiot, what the hell were you thinking?" Of course he did know, he had been thinking about how lovely she looked in the moonlight, about how he loved the feeling of his fingers playing with her rusty hair, he had been -and still was- thinking about much she meant to him. He groaned and let his hands fall listlessly at his sides. He didn't know what do in this sort of situation. He'd never really liked anyone before, not to mention even _like-liking_ someone. He was a scientist; he was prepared to deal with chemicals and equations. But people, girls especially, did not come with an instruction manual and their equations could not be balanced with a few numbers.

And now the first girl he'd ever really talked to, befriended, loved would now probably hate him for the rest of his life. He laid there for a while, he wasn't sure how long, a minute, an hour, two hours, who knew? After some uncountable amount of time running the scenario through his head and cursing his idiocy, he stiffly got up and began the long walk back to their room.

_Why bother?_ He thought, rolling his eyes wearily. _She probably won't let me in anyway._

To his surprise, however, the door was unlocked and he was able to quietly slip into the room. He didn't want a confrontation right now, not when he had no idea what to say. Though there was no need for caution, she was sound asleep on the far bed, her coat and boots a muddled heap on the floor beside her. Taking off his own boots and coat, he crept over to her bedside. He'd been on enough missions with her to know the difference between when she was faking and when she was actually sleeping. At least one of them would be well rested in the morning.

Despite the calamitous situation that would probably forever stain their friendship, he smiled. He couldn't help it; she looked so cute lying there, grateful to have finally escaped the messy waking world. He would not let this come between them. He valued her friendship far too much let his desire for more than a friendship ruin what he already had. He would apologize to her in the morning; straighten this whole crazy mess out before it morphed into something irreparable.

He decided that he would apologize and pretend that the awkwardness had never occurred. He just cared for her too much to gamble away the most important person in his life on his emotional follies. He promised himself that, one way or another, he would make things right again. He gingerly tucked a loose hair hanging in her face behind her ear.

"I'm so sorry Lizzy; I don't want to hurt you. I-I just want you to be happy."

He'd be whatever he could for her and count himself lucky that he could be with her all. The walk across the room seemed longer than it should, looking at her from his bed; he thought the distance had grown from when they had first left mere hours ago.

**DGMDGMDGM**

The morning came agonizing slow and too quickly at the same time. Cross was so tired, he couldn't remember if he ever did get some sleep or not. They said nothing as they got up, merely nodding to each other to assure themselves that the other was real. His promise to talk to her in the morning died a quick death in his throat as he looked at her silently button up her black coat.

He'd wait until they were a little more awake at breakfast.

Silence replaced the usual animated chatter that dominated most breakfasts following missions. The innkeeper eyed them suspiciously as they checked out, wondering who had swapped the boisterous children who had checked in the day before. Lizzy asked for direction to the train station while Cross paid the bill. The walk to the train station would be the perfect time to talk to her he decided.

The sound of their footsteps was the only sound present as they walked to the station for it was too early in the morning for the normal hustle of traffic. They got their tickets and boarded the train without a word. He frowned thoughtfully, the train for sure. During all those long hours to themselves before they reached the Order, he would tell her that he was sorry for last night and that he took it back.

The ride home, normally filled with cheerful talk and shameless gossip, brought only more quietness. Cross thought he may have fallen asleep for a while, it was hard to tell, both sleep and wakefulness brought washed out colors and mute voices. Hevlaska and Master wordlessly questioned them as they handed in the Innocence without a smile, a joke or even a word. They, of course, said nothing. With but a brief nod to acknowledge the other's existence, they went back to their rooms to commemorate their loss.

**DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM**

General Devdas gently tapped her shoulder, startling Lizzy out of her thoughts. She smiled up at him while he frowned down at her. Somewhere in the background, a kid fell off a ladder.

"Lizzy, you know you can talk to me about anything. I may not be as cool as you kids, but I've been around the block once or twice." He said with an expression of concern on his face. She smiled back; she didn't have to guess what he was talking about.

It seemed everyone in the Order was debating on what had happened to break up the dynamic duo. It gave her endless frustration to look at how close the betting pool was to reality. Only this time she wasn't so sure on the outcome as she had been the last time she had bet on her relationship with Cross. She felt a blush rising to her cheeks which she beat down as she smiled up at her Master.

"I know Master, but really everything is-"

"Elizabeth, I don't know what happened, but it's breaking my heart to see you and Cross like this. In all the time you've been friends, I've never seen you like this. Whatever happened between you two is not worth the loss of such a special friendship." She looked down, it was bound to happen sooner or later she supposed. The last five days had been terrible, she hadn't talked to Neah since his midnight visit, Maria has confined herself to her base and Cross... She smiled sadly up at him.

"I know Master, it'll be okay really. We just, we just have some issues to resolve first." Like the fact that he had proposed? Or that she didn't know what she was going to do about it? "Maybe we just need some time to cool off, you know, to take a step back and evaluate. The Inductions today will be good for both of us, you know, to get our minds off of it for a bit." He affectionately ruffled her hair.

"Alright chickadee, whatever you feel is best. But don't step too far back, you might not be able to find each other again and that would be a real shame." With that, he turned on his heels and went to help the others prepare for the ceremony. They had been asked to help with this year's induction of new Accommodators. When they agreed a few weeks back, there hadn't been any problem.

She sighed as she began laying out the chairs where the eager young students would sit in a few hours. She remembered her own Induction a few years back. She had sat in the front row with a look of stark concentration on her face as she stared into the too bright lights, trying her best to keep herself from tears. She had only recently been thrown out of her home and family and was still trying to cope with the loss of her life plus the whole demon-killing thing.

She leaned forward onto the back of one of the black chairs as she watched the other kids hustle about. She could see Cross engaged (she winced, poor choice of words) in the back as he helped the science department set up their equipment.

She desperately wanted to talk to him, she wanted to rest her aching head on his shoulder and maybe even cry a little. She wanted him to hold her and tell her that everything would be alright and give her one of his adorable smirks that always seemed to make everything better. She wanted Neah there too, she wanted him to kiss her cheek and hold her hand and to tell her that she was pretty like he always did and that he would always be there for her.

But she couldn't talk to Cross, not now at least, not until they had their heads on straight. Neah was god knows how many thousands of miles away dealing with his own troubles and without Neah, Maria was out of reach as well. All her friends were either unavailable or absent. She had nowhere to go and, for the first time in over a year, she was alone.

She sighed to herself quietly. Why did he have to do that? Why did he have to make things hard? She didn't resent him for it, she was far too close to him to think so negatively of him, but she couldn't help but be exasperated at his behavior. Weren't things fine just the way they were? Why did- why did he have to make things complicated? And so soon after Neah?

She felt a little bad about running away as she had, about leaving him alone with the most horrible sense of rejection, but she had just panicked. She gripped the back of the chair until her knuckles were white. She had thought that the boys' attentions would be as easily discarded as the bandages from her gunshot shoulder. But it was becoming clearer to see that this wasn't something that would pass so easily.

B-but she loved them, maybe not the way they did her, but it was true. She didn't want to hurt them, especially now when they needed each other the most. No one could fault her for that, right? For trying to spare her friends the heartache she herself had endured. Just the thought of her family's rejection tore all new holes in her chest. She gripped the chair harder. No, no she wouldn't put her friends through that; she wouldn't hurt them like she had been hurt.

"Logan, get your ass in gear! Those chairs won't set up themselves." Snapping to attention, she mindlessly continued her task with a lack of enthusiasm not characteristic of her. She'd forgotten what it was like, this loneliness, though this time it tasted was far bitterer.

A blind man does not miss sight which he never had; only a seeing man turned blind can know the true pain of loss.

And dammit did it suck.

She was losing her friends before her eyes and she didn't know what to do about it. She gripped the chair as she heavily set it down onto the dark wooden stage. Today was going to be absolutely dreadful, why the hell did she even get out of bed today? It couldn't possibly get worse. Someone cleared their throat on the ground, she looked up. It was that bastard Leverrier. He grinned cheekily up at her, still managing to sport a superior smile even from his lower position on the ground.

"Miss. Logan that last row of chairs does not appear to be straight. I expected better from the young lady people are saying will be the next General. After all, we have to set a better example for our incoming class of God's chosen warriors; we have to instill in them a fierce loyalty for the Order." He grinned like the dirty, rotten snake that he was.

"Of course, I don't have to tell you, you and your little friends already know all about that." She fought the snarl on her face. Fucking prick, she glared at him as he gave her a patronizing wave and ambled over to inspect the signs some kids were painting. Alright so perhaps it could get worse. Now she was fighting Cross and Leverrier on the same day?

She slammed a chair back into place as she straightened the row. Dammit, if she was going to be miserable, she was at least going to do a good fucking job. Emotional crisis or not, she was an exorcist dammit and was not going to let her personal problems interfere with her duty to God. At least this is what she told herself as she placed the chairs in perfect lines. For the second time in her life, she stood on this horrible stage, staring out into the well-lit darkness of the Black Order, trying her best not to cry.

**DGMDGMDGM**

"Would all rise to greet the new members of the Black Order, may the old guide the new and learn from what these talented citizens can teach us in our battle for victory." Lizzy rose and clapped languidly as the new exorcists onstage beamed out into the audience. Those poor people, they had no idea what awaited them. Blood and death, the fear of getting too close to anyone, the numbing ache of reality that gives exorcists wrinkles and grey hair before their twenty fifth birthdays, if they even live to see it.

Was this what awaited their future? A never ending cycle of broken dreams and hopeless lives? Is that all they had to hope for in this bitter, rotten world? She felt his presence behind her before she actually saw him. He took a deep breath and shuffled his feet.

"Um hi Lizzy, did you uh sleep well?" Despite the overwhelming awkward nervousness she felt, she couldn't help but smile. Really? They hadn't really spoken almost a week and that's how he greets her? She could hear him cursing under his breath next to her, so he was nervous too; at least she wasn't the only one.

"Uh yes I did thank you very much. You did an excellent job on the lights by the way. I don't know what those scientists would do without you around." They smiled at each other and then stood in silence for a few minutes in manner that wasn't completely uncomfortable. They watched the new trainees file away, each wearing identical smiles and brand new shiny black coat.

"It's kind of depressing how the Order makes the indoctrination of impressionable, young people for endless war and death seem so damn wonderful." Cross said gloomily. Lizzy wryly smirked; at least his cynicism remained ever the same.

"Now that's not a proper attitude to take my chickadee." She said in a sarcastic imitation of their overly optimistic Master, complete with the animated hand motions. He snickered and they slipped back into the companionable silence. And for just a moment, she could trick herself into thinking that everything was alright. The moment was gone as Cross looked over at her with his piercing burgundy eyes, eyes that told her that he was done with idle chatter. Why couldn't he just let it be, just move on and forget about such a sensitive subject?

"Liz, there's something we need to talk about-"

"Cross!" her prayers were answered as a small tanned girl with flying braids threw herself at Cross's waist giggling. Cross gave her an apologetic shrug before turning to smile down at the little girl. As Cross took his eyes off of her, he missed her how shoulders slumped in relief.

"Lani! Wait up!" another young kid ran up, a boy about ten or so with sandy hair and bright blue eyes. He grinned up at them with a cheeriness which clearly indicated his short duration here at the Order. "Hi Cross! Sorry about that, when she saw you she just started running across the room. Oh hi Miss, my name is Aiden and it is very nice to meet you." The boy stuck out his hand and gave her a dashing gentlemen's smile. _How charming_, she thought letting a smile replace her worried frown.

The girl still clung tightly to Cross as she speedily told him all about her life and how her training was coming along. Lizzy watched the exchange and smiled as she crossed her arms. Seeing Cross' easy smile return eased some of her fears. The kid really was too damn adorable and she knew that Cross really cared for her. She remembered him talking about her for hours after their mission together. She smiled; he would make a great Master someday.

"Lani, it is good to see you again. Now tell me, is this boy treating you alright? If not, I might have to rough him up a bit for you." Lani pulled back and giggled into her fist, the young boy nodded vigorously before stepping forward to take her by the hand.

"Oh yes Cross, she's been teaching me an awful lot. We've both gotten so much better with our Innocence. Look what I can do." Lizzy leaned back as the kid produced, out of nowhere, a small ball of fire in the palm of his hands. The metal rosary around his neck glowed with the fierce intensity of Innocence. She took an unconscious step back; Cross seemed to agree with her.

"That's great kid, but be careful. You're still not a full-fledged exorcist yet and fire is pretty hard to master. Besides, there are a lot of things in this room that are flammable; need I remind you of that inn in Spain?" Aiden grinned sheepishly and dutifully extinguished the flame.

"Are you guys here to help with the Inductions too?" Lani asked with wide, brown eyes. She really was something else; she had to be if Cross put up with her.

"We mostly helped set up, but we're doing all we can to help out, and you?"

"We're helping serve food at the reception!" Aiden said cheerfully as he proudly showing off his nametag. Cross smirked as he raised an eyebrow.

"Really, well I do believe the reception started five minutes ago." The two kids wore identical looks of terror and turned to see that the large auditorium was indeed empty. They started running. Lani turned as she ran and gave a hearty wave in their direction.

"Bye Cross, bye Lizzy! See you later!" And that they were gone, Cross chuckled under his breath.

"Crazy kids, they just can't seem to keep their heads on straight." They were suddenly alone again in the vacant room. The tension skyrocketed again. She couldn't talk to him now, not when they were alone like this. Not when the question he had asked her last week hovered over them like a storm cloud.

"You know we should probably join them, see if there is anything we can do." She said quickly at an octave or too higher than normal. Cross either didn't notice or choose to ignore her nervousness as he rubbed his neck and stared at the ground, a look of thoughtfulness on his face.

"Okay, but um Lizzy, before we go, I really think we should talk about this. I uh mean-"

"Cross! Lizzy! Goodness, I have been looking everywhere for you everywhere. We need two more trained exorcists for the demonstration. Froi has had a high fever all day and bloody Cash fell of a ladder and broke his leg. Please children; you're the only ones I trust not to blow up the building." Before any reply of affirmation or negation could be given, their Master grasped them by their wrists and dragged toward the reception. He smiled down at them.

"Oh children I thank you so much, you are so kind to help your poor old Master." Cross rolled his eyes and gave Lizzy a shrug that said 'what can you do?' She gave him a strangled smile back.

"We'll talk later." He whispered as they were pulled into the crowded reception room where exorcists were politely chatting while the new inductees were comparing their black coats.

"I brought my two best, they're both firearm Accommodators, but they both are incredibly skilled." Master said as he released their sore wrists. Lizzy sneered at the sudden sour taste in her mouth. It was Leverrier again, she wanted to break free of her Master and turn and run. But she was an exorcist and exorcists sure as hell did not run. He smiled as he put a slimy hand on their shoulders.

"I thank you very much, I know you two have already worked very hard today, but we require you to help with a demonstration to show off your skills. It is quite an honor to be chosen, your Master must believe you two to be the pinnacle of your class." Cross frowned as he glared at Leverrier. Master was oblivious to the tension as he continued to brag about their skills.

The three of them kept heated eye contact even as they were hustled away. Master pushed them out onto the patio outside with the five other exorcists suckered into this demonstration. Lizzy bitterly sighed and tried to calm her flaming temper. She stretched and cracked her knuckles in preparation for all the shooting she was about to do. Eh, there were worse ways to deal with her problems than to take out her frustration on Akuma targets.

"Why hello Elizabeth, you look quite terrifying today, I'd hate to be an Akuma right now. So how about you and I practice a little eh 'shooting' sometime later?" A skinny arm snaked around her waist and her irritation only increased. It was Rhett Wickham, a skilled exorcist in the art of swaying the wills of Akuma and impressionable young maidens. Her eye twitched.

What the hell was with her and guys today? The convent sounded pretty damn good about now…

The lewd older exorcist used to pester her all the time until finally she put a gun to his groin and threatened to shoot him unless he left her alone. Apparently enough time had passed that such threats were forgotten. Before she could answer his request with an old fashioned punch to the face, or other more sensitive regions, she heard him squeak as he was forcibly pulled away from her. Rhett shrunk as Cross held him by the scruff of his neck looking very, very pissed off.

"I don't think the lady is interested. Why don't you slink back to whatever mud hole you crawled out of, you might find some friends down there." With that, he released the lecher who proceeded to make himself scarce. She made a face; she almost missed Rhett's empty affections.

"Thanks." Lizzy said quietly, looking up at the sky and a very interesting flock of birds passing overhead. Cross said nothing at first; he just looked at her with an intensity that was unnerving. Lizzy bit her lip and tried to keep her cool. If he asked again she would-she would just turn him down. It was unavoidable and it had to be done, but that doesn't mean she had to like it.

"Lizzy, you shouldn't let creeps bother you like that." She said something under her breath feeling relieved and a little touched. It was sweet how protective he was and how much he obviously cared. Maybe-maybe she was over thinking this, maybe Cross was just trying to put this behind him as well. "I'm serious Lizzy, you're very pretty and guys like him are…are um well attracted to you." He looked down at his feet. "But um Liz, um I think we need to talk. About-about what happened in Germany, I-I just want you to know-" Her breath caught in her throat.

"Alright children, get in position! We're about to start! Mariko, would you please start us off?" Lizzy could hear her Master talking in the background, but she wasn't listening to him, she was too busy trying not to hear what Cross was saying.

"Lizzy, I um, I know I made things weird last week a-and I'm sorry. I just want you to know that I-" She couldn't hear him anymore, he was still talking, but she couldn't hear him over the sound of the wind. An older exorcist, Mariko Hosokawa was performing with her Innocence fans which manipulated the air. The wind whipped around them with a fury that drowned out any sort of noise. Finishing her routine, Mariko bowed and replaced her fans. The crowd cheered and the new students, young and old, applauded the smiling Asian woman enthusiastically, looking up at her with open awe. Pushing frizzy bits of hair from her eyes, Lizzy looked over at Cross.

"I'm sorry Cross, I didn't hear a word you said…" she said trailing off as she noticed the frustrated glimmer in his eyes. He took a deep breath through his teeth and pulled out Judgment.

"Never mind, it's not important anyway." He said through his grinding teeth. He then stomped forward and did a brilliant, if somewhat aggressive, performance.

**DGMDGMDGM**

"You were fantastic, I mean, my mind is so completely blown. I hope one day to be just as good you are. I don't really know what I'm doing now, would it be okay if I came to you if I have any questions?" Lizzy smiled and as politely as possible, brushed the man's hand of her shoulder. She was glad he was enthused and everything, but she was pretty sure they had personal space in the real world as well. He was one of the older recruits, looking somewhere between twenty-five and thirty, but at least he was motivated. The guy had been taking detailed notes during all of their demonstrations.

"Yes, I would happy to help you with anything you need, but I'm sure your Master, General Fleming, will help you with whatever-"

"Oh thank you! My heart is a flutter with relief! I won't disappoint you! Wait and see, August Maxson will be the best exorcist ever! Thanks a bunch Miss Lizzy!" With that, the excited exorcist skipped off to the dessert bar. Lizzy rubbed her shoulder and wondered what just happened.

She sighed as she turned and ran into a boy maybe a few years older than herself. He was tall, really tall making him seem older at first, but his childish face gave him away. He had short cropped black hair with a small goatee and piercing blue eyes with pale white skin occasionally colored with freckles. While he wore the black exorcist pants, he lacked the traditional black coat in favor for a wrinkled collared shirt. Headquarters was a big place, but Lizzy sure as hell didn't recognize him and he lacked the starry-eyed naivety to be an inductee.

"I'm sorry, I didn't see you there, are you alright?" she asked, he rolled his eyes as he readjusted his hopelessly wrinkled shirt. She sneered, what a jackass.

"I'm not going to die anytime soon if that's what you're asking." He replied flippantly. She so did not have to deal with this. She turned on her heels, preparing to walk away when the creep suddenly grabbed her arm. The predatory gleam in his eye was enough to send off alarm bells in her head. "I know you. I have a good memory for faces; you're Elizabeth Aliena Logan, age fifteen. You were recently indicted by Central for suspicious behavior and possible treason." She wrenched her arm, but he held her firmly. She refused to admit the snaking fear and resorted to her usual defense.

"So what is it to you? And how the hell do you know that? That investigation was supposed to remain a secret." The smile that adorned his face was of an animal appraising a future meal. Her first instinct was to pull her weapon, but this guy was an exorcist right?

"A nice gentleman from Central by the name of Malcolm Leverrier informed me. He's trying to bribe the old man and I with juicy bits of gossip here and there. He wants our Bookman records of the war, but the old man's not giving them up just yet. That man from Central had quite a bit to say about you and your friends. Perhaps we could chat sometime, you know for the records." She shivered as he leaned close and whispered in her ear.

Anger pulsed through her veins, she was about to deliver what would surely be a painful punch under his chin when he was pulled back. She was expecting it to be Cross saving from yet another creep, but was instead surprised to find a small, old man as wrinkled as the creep's shirt and he looked extremely pissed off. The scene was a little funny as the small man held the young creep's ear so tightly, the boy was nearly down to the old man's height.

"Jason, what are you doing you idiotic, impatient fool?" He tugged on the younger boy's ear until he was practically on his knees. Lizzy watched the scene with distain and more than a little amusement.

"If you wanted- to look me in the eye old man, you should have- worn heels." The smart remark had barely left the boy, Jason's, mouth before the old man slapped him with a strength that was surprising. As the boy held his red cheek the older man chastised him.

"Stupid boy, you never listen to me. I told you not to speak to them and that we were here only to observe and not to interfere. I am terribly sorry Miss; I hope my idiotic, young apprentice has not injured you in any way." Lizzy slowly shook her head as the boy straightened, he was clearly infuriated but remained quiet. With a stiff bow, they exited the room with such swiftness that she was left wondering if she had just imagined it all.

No one else seemed to really notice them and only the slight ache of her arm where the kid had held her indicated that the event even occurred. She ran a hair through her tangled hair, it was getting long, she'd have to cut it sooner or later. Dammit, she needed a drink. Unfortunately, they were only serving punch here so that would have to suffice. She walked over the refreshment table where a familiar little girl handed her a cup, she smiled and took it.

"Thank you, I really needed that." She said, gratefully sipping the sugary, lukewarm drink, but hey, beggars can't be choosers right? Lani tilted her head as she watched her.

"I saw what happened, that guy was kind of scary looking. You were really brave, you didn't look scared at all, I kind of wish you'd hit him though." Lizzy snorted, those were Order kids for you. Lani looked down at the table as she fiddled with one of her long braids. "Um I hate to pry or anything, but are you and Cross fighting?" Lizzy set down the empty cup and sighed, they weren't so much fighting as trying to get through the thick fog of teenage awkwardness, but she wasn't about to tell a young girl that.

"Nah, he's just off doing something else right-"

"I can tell, I saw the way you looked at each other today. Your speech didn't have the casualness that you two usually have and your postures were tense and awkward." It was that obvious huh? Well Cross did say she was smart. Lani refilled Lizzy's cup.

"You know, you shouldn't fight. H-he really cares for you. When were on our Innocence mission together, he talked about you a lot, even while he was sleeping. He said some really sweet things. That's how I knew he was a nice guy; the way he talked about you was reassuring. No bad guy ever talks like that." Lizzy blushed, she was fairly certain that was something Cross did not want her to know.

Lani bit her lip as she scanned the room, perhaps to make sure Cross wasn't around to hear her confess such embarrassing information. She leaned forward conspiratorially, giving Lizzy an earnest face. "Please make up with him, he was nice to me when no one else was, I don't want to see him get hurt." Lani gave a small smile as she looked away with blush staining her tanned skin. Lizzy smiled back without thought, she was starting to see why Cross liked her so much.

"Hey ladies, anything going on?" Lani yelped and made an excuse to be elsewhere as Cross appeared behind Lizzy.

"And where have you been? I haven't seen you since your demonstration." He rubbed his neck.

"You know those scientists; I got pulled into helping them dissemble all the equipment I helped set up just a few hours ago. Apparently they were confused with the wiring. I told them that they should retire or at least get some damn glasses, but they never listen." He said, rolling his eyes. Lizzy couldn't help but chuckle, the craziness of the science department was at least familiar territory.

He took a deep breath and shuffled his feet. "While I was taking everything down, I had a chance to think, you know, about what we're doing, about our mission, a-about us. I-I just wanted to say I was sorry for what happened in Germany, it was… it was wrong of me-" Lizzy wearily rubbed her temples. She couldn't do this anymore; maybe they had to talk this out before they could put this behind them. She couldn't keep running from her best friend forever. She sighed.

"Cross really it's-" she started but he held up his hand causing her to pause.

"No Liz, please, let me talk for a second. I just-" he sighed wearily and looked away from her. "I just got caught up in the moment is all, I didn't-I didn't really mean what I said. It was just one of those, you know, one of those things that just, come out." He took a moment to chuckle awkwardly and scratch his head as he rolled his eyes to the ceiling.

"I mean how weird was that? Me proposing to you and all. I don't know what I was thinking." She blinked once and then twice and then sighed in relief. So he wasn't asking for her-? Oh thank god, thank god for once she was able to avoid a disaster in the making. She looked up at Cross again as the tension left her body allowing her fall back into her familiar position as his best friend and nothing more. She took up his lead and smiled cheerfully, trying not to let her extreme relief show on her face.

"Oh wow, you're still thinking about that, I'd forgotten about that days ago." She said flippantly, as if she hadn't spent the last six nights thinking of ways out of the terribly awkward position. "It's quite a relief though now that I don't have to find a dress and deal with all that crap. You know what a hassle weddings can be." A soft, contemplative look passed his face for a second as he kept up the easy façade.

"Would you have?" He asked quietly, putting his hands behind his head casually. "Saying I really did propose, not that I did or anything, what would you have said, you know, just so that we can laugh about it later." The smile twitched rigidly on her face. What could she say? Cross just continued to look down at her with apparent disinterest. She coughed into her fist.

"Well um, that's a pretty big decision and I'd probably have to think about and-"

"Fire! Everyone out!" They immediately drew back as a stark cry rocked the hall. Her eyes darted over to a darkened corner, was that N-? Everything became chaotic after that.

The inductees scrambled in panic, unsure of their role and unused to such danger. The Generals and older exorcists tried to calm the panicked people down and escort them to the exit. A girl screamed as the table near the main entrance, the same table where Lani and Aiden had been working not long before, collapsed into itself as the flames consumed it. People ran around in aimless pandemonium, there were numerous ways out of the room, but it was simple psychology. The loss of the main exit had elicited a panic that had overwhelmed any sort of reason. Cross grabbed Lizzy's hand as they made their way through the swarms of frightened exorcist.

"Relax! Relax everyone! We are not trapped in here, there are plenty of exits, and we can only get out if we do it in an orderly fashion. Please file into a single line and exit through the aft door." But General Devdas was ignored as the frightened people panicked. The flaming remains of the table spread to the curtains, Lizzy coughed as the smoke increased.

"Dammit, isn't there some exorcist here with water Innocence or something?"

Cross said nothing in reply as they sought to navigate through the crowd. It was getting pretty smoky in here right now. Cross growled irritably and pulled out Judgment and held it high in the air. One shot, two shots and everyone was silent. He glared around the room.

"What the hell is wrong with all of you? Aren't you supposed to exorcists? Either get out of room by way of the other exits or God forbid someone should try and put the fire out. You're all acting crazy, just calm down and think for a minute, you'll live longer." Mariko, who up until this point had been trapped in a corner, pulled out her fans and decreased the oxygen in the fire, causing it to fizzle out. The room was evacuated as the smoke became almost unbearable. While heads were counted and minor burns treated, Cross stalked around the room with Judgment clutched tightly in his hand. Lizzy followed him, noticing the angry look in his eyes.

"Where is he? Where is that little son of a bitch, I'm gonna ram my fist so far up his-"

Lani suddenly appeared panting out of nowhere, her face was sooty and her coat was singed, but she seemed otherwise unharmed. She panted lightly as she looked up at Cross with wide, frightened eyes.

"Cross please, it wasn't his fault, you have to believe me. Aiden was with me the entire time, he didn't light the fire. Please, I promise, don't be mad at him, he didn't do it!" She pleaded, gripping Cross's hand, he glared down at her in a manner that startled Lizzy.

"Don't try and protect him Lani, we're not going to hurt him, we just want him to understand the consequences of playing with fire. Does he have any idea what could've happened?" Cross began to raise his voice causing tears welled in the little girl's eyes. She shook her head violently.

"He didn't do it, he didn't do it, he didn't do it! You have to believe me Cross, he's going to get into so much trouble, please, I swear he didn't do it!" Cross pursed his lips angrily as he contemplated the teary girl in front of him, Lizzy sighed and bent down to Lani as she wiped her tears away.

"We believe you love, it's going to be alright, now run along and find your friend. Poor guy is probably scared out of his mind right now; I bet he could use his friend right about now." Lani nodded appreciatively and smiled up at the two of them. Cross, unable to form his own smile, nodded rigidly. She ran off into the crowd without a sound. Lizzy turned to glare at her friend who didn't even have the decency to look at all ashamed.

"So what were you going to do? Shoot the poor boy? Or were you just going to beat the crap out of him? Because the way you look right now says you might have done worse if allowed." she demanded angrily, he just stared down at her from his greater height with a blank face.

"He nearly burnt down the room, he needs to be punished and understand his acti-"

"It was an accident whatever it was! He'll probably be so traumatized by this incident he won't even make a spark for the next month. He's learned his lesson; you don't need to further upset the child by screaming at him! God, Cross sometimes… sometimes I don't even know what you're thinking!" She said in angry exasperation, throwing her hands into the air. She spun on her heels, leaving Cross and his attitude in her wake.

"Whatever issues you have, I suggest you resolve them on your own without taking them out on any innocent children. Life's hard enough without you making it worse." Men, what the hell was his problem?

Cross's question was completely forgotten as she stormed off.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Cross brought his palm to his forehead and cursed loudly. He knew he'd overreacted, whatever Aiden had been doing, it had clearly been an accident…

B-but he'd almost had her.

All day he'd been unable to get any alone time with Lizzy. And finally as he was finally going to get an answer to the question that had been burning him from the inside out for the past week, the fucking room starts on fire. He glared up at the ceiling, was God so against his happiness that he had to thwart him at every possible turn? Whatever, if he couldn't have a relationship with Lizzy, that was fine. It was too much trouble; he just wanted his friend back without all this awkwardness and fighting. Screw this; he was going to resolve this right now. No more dodging the subject, no more slyly going around the thing he wanted to ask.

He didn't need her as a wife, but he couldn't live without her friendship.

He ran after the girl he loved, not to confess his feelings, but to apologize for his behavior and leave out any mentions of his proposal. She wouldn't listen to him at first and he had to trail after her for ten minutes before she actually spoke to him. They yelled a little bit and Lizzy's twitching hand indicated that she possibly wanted to take a swing at him or worse.

But in the end, apologies were accepted, their friendship was renewed and, to Cross's reluctant dismay, the subject of their possible romantic relationship was put on hold and completely forgotten. _You win some, you lose some,_ he thought.

Might as well help clean up, it's not like he was getting married anytime soon.

**DGMDGMDGM**

As Cross and Lizzy re-entered the room to aid in whatever way they could, a smiling figure in the room's darkest corner slipped away and vanished. He walked down the empty corridor, a smug and decidingly wicked smile playing on his face. He hadn't been sure this had been a good idea, spying on them like this had seemed so wrong. But his Inner Noah had been right; they really were going behind his back. And to see Cross standing so closely to her, to see him smile at her like he owned her or something.

His blood boiled seeing Lizzy and that bastard together like that.

His Inner Noah had given him the idea and he had to admit it had worked brilliantly. After seeing that snot-nosed kid with the fire, he knew he could light one and blame it on him. But his plan worked far better than he'd hoped. Not only did he prevent the two from going any further, but he'd got them fighting as well. The grin had told Cross that he wouldn't let him have his Lizzy and it was a promise he intended to keep.

Neah opened a gate to Edo and stepped inside.

A small part of his mind felt uneasy about what he had done. After all, that poor kid would probably be severely punished and all those frightened and burned people weren't a part of this. And Lizzy… she didn't deserve his wrath like that, even Cross wasn't that bad. But his Inner Noah assured him that it was alright, that his so-called friends deserved their punishment and he felt better.

Who needed them when he had Noah to help him with everything?

* * *

_She has wisdom and knows what to do_

_She has me and she has you. ~ The Doors_

* * *

I used to really love this chapter until I had to rewrite it five times. Say that slowly please, Fuh-i-ve ti-mes. So needless to say my admiration for this chapter has decreased significantly. Ask my beta and she is sure to bemoan how much the story changed and how her favorite couple (LizzyxCross) slowly got less and less action (The first draft was nigh porn I'm a bit ashamed to say.) But it works out in the end. I also like this chapter because it's semi-autobiographical. To those who say Lizzy would not blithely ignore the romantic tension around her, all I can say is that I did for over a year. The conversation between Lizzy and Neah is very similar to one I had with my best guy friend (with whom I was very close with, but not in _that_ way) I worked so hard to twist his words while he was playing with my hair and saying pretty words. Ug, so yes, this does actually happen.

So, enjoy the fluff while it lasts because this ship (arg arg) is going down fast.

I would like to thank and curse my beta Going Sideways for skyping about this one chapter for so long with me and who played devil's advocate trying to get me to pair LizzyxCross. I hope all those previous drafts bring you some pleasure because all they gave me was a headache.

_Love Street_ (c) is the property of the Doors.


	11. Wish You Were Here

_Disclaimer: I do not own any part of D. Gray-man nor any of its characters. I can only close my eyes and quietly play dress up with said characters in my head and hope I'm not desecrating Hoshino Katsura's work too much._

For those of you who care, Author's Notes will be at the end of every chapter and any and all questions will be gleefully answered if asked.

* * *

_So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell, blue skies from pain._

_Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?_

_A smile from a veil?_

_Do you think you can tell?_

* * *

Neah thought they were going to a small town in Australia, that this would be just another run of the mill Innocence collection mission. Well first of all, he couldn't have been more wrong when he said that the town was small. People bustled back and forth giddy and full of spirit. Some even carried large buckets filled with muddy rocks, though closer examination revealed those rocks to be gold. Second, the mission ended up being anything but ordinary, but he was getting ahead of himself.

Bathurst was said to be the gold mining capital of the world and Neah could believe it looking at the sheer abundance of the precious metal lying around. Lizzy and Cross were standing slightly apart from each other, not ignoring but still not appearing quite comfortable around one another. Neither said anything but they didn't have to, both Neah and Maria could see that something had happened between the two close friends and it was something only they could fix. Maria was sitting under a building in the shade sipping a cool glass of water looking wonderfully content.

Poor Maria, she'd been overworking herself and had fainted back at her base in Arizona while carrying a box of medicine for the injured. The base, naturally concerned, gave her some forced leave in order to regain her strength. Knowing that she would sneak out and continue working if left to herself, her friends saw fit to kidnap her and bring her on their next Innocence mission. So here they were now in eastern Australia trying to recover Innocence and to preserve their freindship.

"I think Maria has the right idea, why don't we take a few minutes to cool off and reorient ourselves. After that, we'll begin the usual questionings and start tracking down the Innocence. If luck is on our side, we'll be out of here by sunset." Lizzy said with confidence, knowing that no one would dispute her. Neah smiled lovingly, that was Lizzy for you, always ready to take charge and get things done. She looked lovely today with her hair tied up and her coat abandoned, letting him fully appreciate how much leg her shorts revealed. God he loved life. Cross stretched and ruffled his stark red hair.

"Sounds like a plan, anything to get out of this blasted sun." he said, retreating under the building with Maria who pinched his sunburned cheeks

"Good idea Mari, soon your face will be as red as your hair." He slapped her away and they began their usual playful bantering as Cross stole her water.

Lizzy was looking at a map, not telling Cross to behave or really saying anything at all to him. They'd been fighting recently over something, but Neah couldn't figure out what. He felt like he should know, but whenever he started to think about it just sort of… slipped away, sort of like water off of a duck.

Even his disturbed feeling about this memory loss didn't seem to weigh too heavily on his mind.

"I think we should start down by the river, where all the mining has been taking place. The finders reported most of the obscurities taking place by there. We'll decide what to do from there." What other girl could be so smart and look so beautiful at the same time? Neah leaned next to her and threw a lazy arm over her shoulder on the pretext of looking closer at the map. He tried to pretend that such contact was normal and was not making him feel all bubbly inside.

"That looks good to me, how far is the river?" She didn't move him as she studied the map closer. He smirked to see Cross glaring at them from his spot in the shade. Neah threw him a challenging grin, daring him to do something. He was going to have to try a little harder if he wanted to best a Noah.

"Not that far, people are walking there, looks about three-fourths of a kilometer. Think you can make it that far?" she teased, looking up at him with a twinkle in her eyes. She was so close, he could just…

"Lizzy! They got lemonade over here; you better get out the sun before you burn too." She grinned as Cross held up a cold glass of lemonade. _Damn him_, Neah cursed. Damn him for tempting her with cool, refreshing drinks. Sure enough, she abandoned him to grab the drink with delight; Cross threw him a smug grin. Neah frowned in irritation and wondered if that red hair of his would make him burn faster. Neah stomped over to where they sat, the girls looking cheerful as they enjoyed their cold beverages. He slid between Lizzy and Cross, Cross tried to block him, but Lizzy obligingly made room.

"Good idea Cross, I think I'll have one too. How much are they?" Cross narrowed his eyes in understanding. Lizzy looked up innocently, and being the sweet girl that she is, pushed the glass to him.

"Don't be silly Neah, just share with me." He smiled at her, all the while feeling Cross's glare burning holes in his head. He took a long sip, enjoying how he could still see her beautiful return smile through the sugary liquid.

"Thanks Lizzy, that really hit the spot, would you like any Cro-"

"No thanks, I'm fine." His friend said, turning away from them. Neah smirked victoriously as he took another sip.

Neah-1 Cross-0.

Maria coughed loudly into her fist.

"Phew, I don't know about you guys, but I feel sooooo much better! Are we ready to begin our Innocence hunt? It's been such a long time since I've actually gone on one of these. I've had to stick to taking the Innocence of pretty young boys." Maria said loudly, snuggling up to Cross who immediately backed off. The mood lightened again and Neah was thankful once again for her good timing.

"I agree, let's head out and see what we find." Lizzy said standing up as she took the glass from Neah's hand and finished the rest. He could still feel her hand on his as she grabbed the glass from him. Cross slowly stepped up to her with a light expression on his face. Neah frowned, what was he up to now?

"You got some lemon on your mouth." Cross said smoothly, as she brought her hands to her face. Neah sneered. There was nothing there, if there was, he would have told her himself. Cross brought a hand up and gently brushed him thumb along the side of her lips. "There, now it's gone." He said softly as he looked into her eyes. She quickly turned red and looked away, thanking him with a slight nod. Neah glowered, alright they were even… for now. Maria came up between them and slung an arm around Lizzy and Cross's necks.

"Goodness you kiddies sure like to dilly dally, come on we have Innocence to find!" She said quickly dragging them along still in their headlocks. Neah raised an eyebrow, it was times like these he felt that Maria knew he and Cross had feelings for Lizzy. He brushed off such silly thoughts and followed them. They chatted amiably as they walked. The sun wasn't quite so oppressive now so even Cross had stopped complaining about the heat. Neah walked behind Lizzy; from here he could watch her hips sway oh so elegantly back and forth.

"You pommies (1) lost or somethin'? I've never seen you around here." A masculine voice said, grabbing their attention. It was a tall, muscular man in his late thirties with short cropped brown hair with a matching mustache. His pale yellow eyes observed them as he shifted the large bucket in his arms. "I'm Orville Legrand; I'm the overseer for the mine. Can I help you with something?" Lizzy tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and stepped forward.

"Well I sure hope so. My colleagues and I represent the Vatican, our scouts have discovered some unusual activity around here and we were sent to investigate. Is there any chance you could tell us what is going on?" the man's cheerful smile fell into an annoyed frown.

"Great, now the church is looking for money. Sorry little sister, we aren't giving any more handouts, so if you and your little posse would just leave and tell all those other deros (2) to leave too-" He reached a meaty hand to push Lizzy aside. Neah stepped forward with Cross right beside him.

"Hey, don't you touch her! I don't know what your problem is, but we aren't here to steal anything from you. We're representing the church trying to help you." Neah growled, glaring at the man who would dare touch his Lizzy in such a way. Neah wasn't one for violence, but if this guy put so much as laid a finger on her, well principles were meant to be broken right? The man took a step back seeing the livid look in his eyes. He stared down at them and sighed in frustration.

"I say my prayers every night so I want to believe you, but we've had so many blokes begging for money recently and well…" He sighed and scratched the back of his head. "Yeah I guess it's been kinda weird here. About three months ago I was walking along an old section of the river when I saw it was completely covered in gold. I couldn't believe it. That part of the river had been cleaned out for years. And it was just in time too, we were running low on funds and everyone was getting antsy. Now it doesn't seem to stop, we get fossiker's (3) out here to mine it all and the gold comes back overnight!" His face lit up with excitement as he thought proudly of his extraordinary windfall. His face then morphed into a frown.

"Of course people talked and soon we had blokes coming from all over. I think one or two of them were real scientists, but most came out for our sudden wealth. You name it, every moocher, freeloader and beggar seeking money for something or other. We even caught a few of those molls (4) actually trying to steal our gold behind our backs. It just goes to show you can't trust anyone in this world." The kids exchanged looks. It looks like Innocence was to be found here. But how could they get it when this guy would barely let them in, much less trust them? Neah cleared his throat.

"Look, we're not here to take anything from you. We just want to investigate in the name of the church. If it makes you feel better, you can escort us around just to be sure." Lizzy shot him a look, but for once her opinion didn't matter. It really hurt to oppose her like this, but if he could just find the Innocence before Cross, well that would really impress her. Besides, it was still early, he had the rest of the day to woo her.

Orville rubbed his lip suspiciously before giving them a nod to follow him. Neah smirked; he could be very persuasive when he wanted to be. The older man led them around the river telling them about its long and glorious history. They merely rolled their eyes and searched the shoreline for any obvious signs of Innocence. Neah shivered, despite the sun beating warmly down on them, he felt oddly cold. He rubbed his arms and ignored the strange sensation, chalking it up to his Inner Noah messing with his head again, little bastard could be a real pain in the ass sometimes.

The four of them walked, silently communicating through their body language. After all the time together they've spent together, there came a point where words weren't really necessary to express their feelings and not even the best poker face could keep their thoughts hidden.

Maria shuffled her feet as her eyes glazed blearily over the beautiful landscape. She was still worried about her damaged base and it was obvious that she didn't want this forced vacation.

Cross tried to look stern and serious as he scanned the shore, but always managed to have his attention diverted elsewhere. He, like the rest of them, was too exhausted dealing with his own life to try and really focus on the mission.

Lizzy played with her hair keeping a noticeably fake smile on her face. She couldn't ignore the obvious tension between them forever, but dammit was she ever trying. It seemed like she was smiling all the time these days, as if it would somehow manage to keep their little group from crumbling under her.

Neah ran a nervous hand through his hair. They were really falling apart; they needed a vacation… an actual vacation. Orville stopped and glared at a worker collecting gold by the river bank.

"Danny! I know you are new and everything, but you should know better than that. Large pieces go in this basket and-" Neah didn't hear the rest because he was already gone. The chilliness he felt increased dramatically. Shit, what the hell was_ he _doing here? Thank God Denis hadn't notice him, too busy was he re-organizing his chunks of gold. From his hiding spot behind a large rock, he saw his Noah brother's sour face melt upon seeing the black exorcist coats on his friends. He spoke something to them, throwing Lizzy an especially captivating smile.

Neah gripped the rock behind him so hard it cracked to keep himself from rushing him. Oh God, Lizzy and Denis, God help him. Cross noticed his absence and looked around, Neah sucked in his breath. Lizzy and Maria were too busy being charmed to notice as Cross turned around and noticed him hiding. Cross tilted his head in confusion, wondering if his friend had finally lost it. Neah put a hand to his lips and willed all of his telepathic powers to conveniently awaken and communicate with his estranged friend.

Apparently all of his misfortune had saved up for one miracle as Cross turned away from Neah and stole away the girls' attention from Denis.

"Look kids, we still have a whole lot of river to examine. You can flirt later on your own dime." Lizzy and Maria were so indignant denying such claims that they neglected to notice that one of their party was missing. Neah sighed in relief, one crisis averted, now to deal with another.

What was Denis even doing here? How was he supposed to help search for the Innocence with his psychotic Noah brother hanging around? How could he even avoid Denis without having his treason exposed? He leaned against the rock and sighed again. The best thing was for him to hurry back to Edo and accept his friends' scorn later. It wasn't like they hadn't been fighting enough lately.

"My, my, look at my little brother, thinks he's big enough to handle a mission on his own." Neah jumped and Denis chuckled as he leaned next to Neah on the rock, a playful expression on his face. Neah paled and thought of a million possible plausible excuses as to why he was here. Luckily, Denis wasn't one of the Noah who was innately suspicious of him which was probably the only reason he was still alive.

"So _mon renard_, what exactly are you doing out here, so far away from home?" Neah straightened his back and smiled. It was all or nothing now.

"I was bored; you know how it can be in Edo with the Earl. I heard you were on a mission so I decided to see what you were up to." Keep smiling; it made you look less guilty. Denis raised an eyebrow, Neah only smiled wider.

"You know the Earl won't be happy to hear that you've snuck out of Edo." Denis said crossing his arms and raising his eyebrow as a parent would when disciplining a disobedient child.

"He won't know if you don't tell." Denis suddenly grinned and placed a hand on Neah's head.

"You are finally becoming a Noah; the desire to seek and destroy Innocence is growing within you. You have even singled out the exorcists! Come _mon renard_! Together we will find and destroy the accursed Innocence! If you are lucky, you may experience your first exorcist killing today. The Order has sent little children today; they should not be too difficult to kill, even for one as softhearted as yourself." Denis said, hugging him tightly around his shoulders.

Exorcist killing? Neah fought the horrified grimace off of his face as his Inner Noah brought forth images of his friends' broken bodies dying the peaceful river red. This was bad, this was really bad. And worse, he had no way to warn them of their perilous situation. He could only imagine their reaction to seeing their supposed friend with a Noah determined to kill them. He blocked out these terrifying thoughts from his head with little success.

"Um Denis, I don't know. I'm still in big trouble with the Earl you know, I-I'm not really sure I should even be here. Maybe I should just g-"

"Nonsense_ mon renard_! The Earl will be so proud of your achievements this day that he will completely forgot about your insubordinate behavior a few months back. You will win back his favor and be on your way to becoming one of us." Denis ruffled his hair and started walking off. Neah bit his lip, his human conscious and his Noah frequently fought and they were really going at it right now.

Should he abandon his friends to regain favor with the Earl or openly betray Denis and, by consequence, the Earl and invite certain death? He sighed and followed Denis. He had no choice now but to follow his brother. Maybe the answers will come to him or so he hoped. Denis squatted by the river and grinned up at Neah.

"I actually took your lead little brother. You were brilliant in infiltrating that exorcist base a while back so I thought I'd try my hand at it. I blend in here so well. Unfortunately, they expect me to do hard labor and they treat me horrendously. Foolish humans, I nearly killed every one of them, but I kept seeing your cool head in my mind and controlled my rage."

"My diligent work has certainly paid off. I now know for certain there is Innocence here and it is somewhere in the surrounding stream. I have been searching, but there is still a lot of river to cover. I will get more done with you here though, good thing too now that those pesky exorcists are on the scene. But don't worry, we'll have fun with them later once we've gotten the Innocence." He picked a rock chuck about the size of his fist and turned it over in his hand deep in thought.

"Your first kill is a little like losing one's virginity. It can be hard and painful at first, but in the end it helps you to grow up, become a man." His eyes became wistful as he drifted back to a long ago time.

"I remember my first exorcist; I had just come into my Noah powers and I was scared like I know you are right now. But feeling their fragile skull crush beneath my hand and watching the life drain from their eyes, I realized how much better and stronger I was than these pathetic creatures. I realized that what I was and what I was supposed to do." Denis sighed happily, causing his wispy hair to bounce.

"After that, everything just came to me and killing became almost second nature. It is a pleasure, something you learn to enjoy and as you grow more experienced, it is a bit like fine wine." Oh God, don't let him be sick now. Denis dropped the rock and put his hands in the river and sighed deeply. "I am getting frustrated Neah, this Innocence is particularly tricky to find. I can feel its hateful presence, but I cannot locate it, the shifting movements of the river must disguise it." He then turned up with a murderous gleam and a toothy smirk, looking at Neah as a wolf appraises a meal.

"It's a good thing I have _mon renard _with me to help me sniff it out." Denis's golden locks may have gleamed luminously in the sunlight, but Neah could see the depths of his blackened soul.

Neah wasn't one of them, he wasn't.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Hours later, the sun had begun to set and there was no Innocence, no corpses and he, and thus Denis, had not seen the exorcists in hours. Yet despite all this wonderful news, Neah felt antsier than ever. Denis huffed, on the verge of a frustrated rage that could easily rival Edmund's worst. They'd searched all day and nothing had come of it except a very pissed off Noah and that was bad news to anyone who enjoyed living.

"_Dieu a damné le fils d'une chienne_!(5) Where the hell is that damned Innocence? All day, all day I have been here! A beautiful day I could have been romancing a gorgeous blonde! Instead I am here in the middle of goddamned nowhere with a sniffling little brat!" Denis kicked a wooden pole so hard, it snapped under his force and tumbled down the ground. Neah was slightly frightened, but chanced calming his sibling down before he decided to vent his rage against a person.

"Denis, you need to calm down. You're only drawing attention to yourself. I know you're frustrated, I am too, but you must persevere. We can't let those exorcists discover us remember?" He placed a hesitant hand on his older brother's shoulder. Denis for a moment glared at him with the anger of a thousand suns and, in it, Neah saw his own death reflected horrifically and violently. The moment passed and Denis's snarl became a lethargic pout. He shrugged off the hand and with a moan flopped down upon a rock.

"You are right Neah, I am sorry, I'm just upset. I can be patient, I really can. But it's these humans and the way they treat us, as if we are as filthy and worthless as they are. I don't know how you stand it so! Why do you like this world so much? This world where you are ordinary, where you are humiliated, disrespected and made to things so below your status?" Neah rolled his eyes. Despite being almost ten years older than he was, Denis sure could whine like a little kid. Arrogant bastard probably had never worked a day in his life. Neah hesitantly joined him on the rock, sitting in silence as Denis moodily stared into the river.

"Whatever happened to those exorcists anyway, I haven't seen them since this morning." Neah looked up, he had managed to steer the conversation away from them all day and he didn't want to talk about them now, not when Denis was so pissed. Neah shifted uncomfortably.

"It's been a hard day Denis, why don't we just return to Edo and come back tomorrow or the next day…" Denis stood up suddenly, causing Neah to nearly lose his balance in surprise.

"The exorcists! What an idiot you have been! Those exorcists are attuned to the Innocence, they can like sense it or something! They can lead us right to it." Neah raised a disbelieving eyebrow. The Noah sure had strange ideas about exorcists. Saoirse was convinced they ate nothing but raw meat and had blood rituals. Hassan considered them to be illiterate and drooling morons who deserved everything they got and Daniel, despite the fact that the Order was indeed sponsored by the Vatican, preached constantly about how they were devil worshipping Satanists.

"I don't think that's how it wor-"

"But why go to all that trouble? I bet they have it right now and they are sleeping comfortably in their beds with the Innocence in their possession. Let us deprive them of their prize and their lives." Denis stood tall above Neah as the setting sun behind him covered him completely in shadow, all except for his wicked golden eyes, which twinkled something rotten.

"Come my brother, tonight you become a man, tonight you will kill the exorcists and relish in their screams. You will bathe in their blood and vitalize your life with their deaths." Neah was certain he was white as a sheet. Kill? He couldn't. He couldn't evevn kill that mouse he'd found in the house once when he was eight, he had gotten Mana to do it for him. And worse yet, these were his friends, he cared for them too much to even consider such a… Oh God he was really going to be sick now. He couldn't, he just couldn't. He would die first, yeah, he'd said once he would die to protect his friends and here he was, dying to protect them.

He gulped, but he'd figured that would be so long from now, when they were old and senile and not so young. He was barely seventeen, he couldn't die now. As his mind ran around in circles, Denis stepped forward with the graceful intent of one about to do something awful and helped Neah to his feet. Denis lovingly straightened his collar, brushed dust off his shirt, combed back some of his unruly black hair and wiped some dirt and grime from his face. He smiled down at him with almost paternal affection.

"I know you are frightened, but do not fear pet for I will be there with you. Now, we must clean you up, you look a fright. You cannot instill proper fear in your enemies unless you are suitably dressed. I only wish I was more prepared, but that is for another day. Come now, the exorcists should be lodging in the spare quarters down near the rivers end." Denis grabbed his arm and Neah numbly stumbled after him as he continued his internal battle.

Denis was much stronger than him, even if he wanted to, Neah wasn't so sure he could beat him. And Lizzy, what about Lizzy? He would no more hurt her than he would… He couldn't, he just couldn't. Oh God why did this have to happen, why did he have to choose like this?

He'd never supported the Noah but, while he was working with the exorcist, he'd never exactly gone against the Earl. He'd been content to sit on the edge, not really jumping in either camp, God he just…he just needed more time. Neah looked up the heavens. God was pissed and was obviously testing him. He'd read the bible, he knew what a bastard God could be.

He had to choose.

They neared the small wooden cabin and Neah's heart sank. They were there; he could see their wet coats and boots hanging outside. He felt Denis's guttural laugh echo in the empty night. Was the world supposed to spin like that? Neah forced his face to be calm while he was mentally screaming.

'_Relax my darling. I know it seems hard right now, but this is for your own good. Once you are rid of these troublesome exorcists, you can dispose of the fool Noah. You are all alone out here; the Earl will believe you if you tell him the exorcists killed him. Two birds, one stone. That is how a man thinks.'_

Well great, he was being assaulted from all angles. He pushed his Inner Noah to the back of his head but to no avail. His fear and paranoia had brought it to the forefront and it continued to whisper to him. It wasn't even five, but already the sun was beginning to set, bathing the land in grim, grey colors. As soon as the sun was down Denis was going to launch his attack. If only he had a way to warn them, something, anything. He sat stiffly on the ground as Denis stretched out his muscles, preparing to fight.

There was a crunching sound as he sat down and, as discreetly as he could, pulled whatever it was out of his pocket. He nearly wept with relief. The little battered blinking device, half crushed, sat in his hands like a miracle from God. Making sure not to draw any attention to himself, he calmly pressed the red button, knowing his friends would see it and be alerted to the danger lying just outside.

He glanced up at the sky anxiously a minute after minute was swept away, the sun was dipping lower each second and Denis was getting edgier. Sunset couldn't be more than five minutes away and then nothing on heaven or earth could save his friends or his soul. _What if they didn't have their devices on them?_ He thought grimly. What if they had gotten lost or were broken? What if they were hidden in their bags where they couldn't see or hear them? What if they were pissed at him for ditching them earlier and were ignoring him? What if Cross and Lizzy were sitting over the device, laughing at his pathetic, little invention cuddling together, doing-

… was that smoke?

Neah snapped out of his panicked musings to really observe the situation. The sun had just begun its final majestic dip and Neah could make out thick, black smoke curling from the roof of the cabin. Denis cursed in confusion as the wooden roof caught on fire. What the hell was going on? What were they doing? Was this a distraction? A light smirk colored his face for the first time all day. So they'd gotten his message and set fire to their rooms to escape and distract their waiting killer, pardon, killers.

"What is going on? What are they doing?" Denis steamed as he threw down the rock he had been tossing around. The small cabin was really burning now and he could feel the heat even this far away.

"Denis, there are going to be people here soon. We can get the exorcists anytime. Right now we need to preserve the Noah's anonymity." He had to work hard to keep himself from grinning; for once things were working out. Without a word, Denis stalked off as the cries of alarmed gold miners were heard approaching. The elder Noah cursed viciously as he bitterly lamented his missed opportunity as they retreated. Even his Inner Noah seemed to be sulking from within the confines of his mind. Neah's heart felt so light, he wanted to skip around with delight.

Things were finally looking up, that is until he saw a flash of red in the darkness. He cursed, damn Cross for being so goddamned noticeable. Denis also had eyes for he quickly spotted the three figures dashing through the woods, he grinned maliciously.

"Lady Luck may yet prove to be on our side Neah. The coop may be up in flames, but the chickens are on the run." Before Neah even had a moment to come up with some sort of excuse, Denis had started running. Neah moaned and ran after him in an attempt to stop the ensuing destruction. This was terrible, not only was there going to be a horrible confrontation, but he was going to watch while his friends were killed. What to do, what to do? Denis stopped suddenly, causing Neah to experience vertigo as he skidded to a stop just behind him. Denis's eyes were alight with brutality.

"Stay here _mon renard_, it has been awhile since I have confronted exorcists. Let me wear them down a bit and then I will let you go in for the kill." His skin turned grey and he stepped out in the moonlight to confront the staggering exorcists. Neah peeked around the corner too terrified and too ashamed to reveal to his friends his involvement. His brother grinned cheekily.

"Do not be frightened children, I really do mean you no-" Cross took no more time to listen to Denis's lies and instead began firing; Denis ducked and hid behind some trees. Cross sprayed the entire area with bullets; Neah could hear the shells hitting the ground from this close distance. He could hear them talking in hushed whispers as they continued moving.

Neah quietly slipped out of his hiding spot and ran after his friends. If he could just reach them he could get them out of danger. They were just ahead if only- Cross turned and began firing again. Neah cursed and ducked out of the way. Cross probably thought he was Denis chasing after them a hiss of pain and Neah grabbed his suddenly wet right shoulder as he sank to his knees.

He'd been shot; Cross had shot him with fucking Innocence. Fucking hell did that hurt, it had passed right through, but the Innocence still hurt like hell. Okay, calm down, he'd dealt with Innocence before, Rachel remember? He wasn't a real Noa-ahahahh. He winced as more pain flared.

"Dammit, why the hell did that bastard shoot at us?" Denis glared stomping over. He glared down at Neah on the ground and the slow pool of blood forming around him. "Were you hit?" No, he just enjoyed the view down here. The world swam a little bit, no, he couldn't pass out now. H-he had to… had to get to his friends. The world became a little more focused and he found the energy to stand up. He took a deep breath as he reoriented himself. He paused; on the other hand, if he could convince Denis he was dying, then they would be forced to leave and give the others a chance to escape.

"I'm-I'm-"

"Well you look fine to me, let's go, I'm not letting those bastards get away with this indigni-I mean your poor arm." They had walked no more than a few meters when the ground suddenly shook and Denis lost his balance. Neah gripped the tree as rocks shot up from the ground, ignoring the painful jostling in his shoulder. What the hell was going on now?

Leaving Denis behind to steady himself, Neah slowly made his way over to what appeared to be the source of the quaking. The world was coming and going in waves and Neah was pretty sure it wasn't just the earthquake. He winced, what was going on? Innocence hadn't bothered him since Rachel's, why was it hurting so badly now? He narrowly avoided being impaled as rocks shot up from all directions, out of the woods and in the moonlight, he could now see that it wasn't rocks, it was gold. Neah frowned thoughtfully and playing on a hunch, he stumbled down towards the river, his right arm loose by his side.

His hazy mind thought of what he'd seen today and the people he'd met, of Orville the overseer and his fierce protection of his land and his gold. He remembered how the man explained how the gold had materialized just as the town was needing money and how the incessant flow of riches kept coming no matter how many times it was mined. He remembered the look of pride and love in his eyes.

Now that was an Accommodator if he'd ever seen one.

Neah reached the river on unsteady legs, his group of friends stood on the other side engulfed in shadows. They were okay, he breathed a sigh of relief and the pain abated a little. He was about to call to them when the familiar hum of Innocence caught his attention. Down the river stood Orville, his eyes and hands glowing an unnatural green as he surveyed his precious metal.

"I can't trust anyone. All you damn blokes want my gold and my land. I slaved over this land for fifteen years. I put my heart and soul to keep this little town alive with all the gold she'll ever need. You can't take this land from me, the land of my daddy and my daddy's daddy." Neah called to him, but it was lost in the rumbling of the earth. What the hell was he going to do now?

A large split in the ground caused him to fall onto his back, the pain exploded. He watched with fear as the crack crossed the river, his friends were able to escape falling into the endless cavern by means of retreat. They were probably going around the other side, but that would take at least ten to fifteen minutes. What was he to do until then? He wasn't doing anyone much good at the moment with only one arm; it was all he could do to remain conscious. The ground stopped its seizure suddenly. Neah cautiously sat up, gripping his wounded shoulder and noticed Denis standing over Orville's body with a large rock in his hand; he lazily tossed the thing over his shoulder.

"Sometimes Neah, the old ways are the best way." Orville moaned, Neah sighed with relief; at least the poor man was alive. Denis reached down and snatched a glowing rock from Orville's right pocket, he examined it and smiled. "Neah quit lying around and get over here; I want to show you something." Stumbling to his feet, Neah saw the Innocence and something inside him burned. He clutched his chest in confused agony. Denis nodded almost sympathetically as he appraised the rock.

"I understand _mon renard_, Innocence burns our Inner Noah, a fiery pain you can't reproduce with anything else. It is our only weakness." This wasn't-oh _fuck_ did his arm hurt-wasn't right. All the times he'd found Innocence and claimed it for the Order, it had never hurt like… like this. Denis held it up for him to see. It was partially imbedded in a small gold chunk, glowing heartily with godly power. Denis's hands started to smoke after holding it for so long. He cursed colorfully.

"Shit, this fucking hurts; well you're certainly in no condition to do this so watch carefully as I destroy this cursed thing." Neah held out his good arm in a gesture of- of what? Pain? Regret? _Joy? _Whatever it was, he was too late. He couldn't fight Denis, there was absolutely nothing he could do but let the Innocence die. Denis closed his hand and with a flash of light, the little green specks were blown away by the dry wind. Neah felt his heart constrict as the Innocence shattered. Orville flinched on the ground unconsciously as the crystal was reduced to dust. The particles brushed past Neah lightly, blaming him, scorning him, oh Jesus it was just like with Rachel all over again.

His head ached, his knees shook, he felt like he was going to faint and perhaps worst of all, something inside of him was laughing at the lost Innocence. He could've-he should've- Denis walked over and lightly handled his arm. Neah winced and tried to pull back but Denis persisted, he frowned with concern.

"We should get you back Neah, this looks bad, I'm actually pretty impressed you have remained conscious for so long. Come on, you'll just have to sweat it out at home during our celebration." Cele-? Neah gripped his head as it thudded painfully. He was quickly losing his sense of up and down, right and wrong. He leaned against Denis's shoulder and was half dragged away from the scene.

He didn't remember opening the Ark, he didn't remember going back to Edo, he didn't remember being bandaged up, but when his senses suddenly clicked into place some unknown amount of time later, he was there. He was sitting in his chair in the dining room in fresh pressed clothes, a tightly bound cloth wrapped around his shoulder and a glass of who knows what in his hand.

Wha- what the hell?

"-e really did well, I mean, you know what a bitch it is to get hit with Innocence like that. Boy has some nerve just keeping himself awake-" He looked around dimly trying to blink away the fog that just wouldn't leave. Everyone was here, chatting and drinking and about him of all people.

"Neah?" He looked over to see Denis grinning. He had changed into more stylish clothes as his wine glass was refilled for the umpteenth time. Neah brought his hand to the bridge of his nose mimicking Cross and tried to sort through his muddled memories. Hadn't they just been in Australia? "Did you tell them how scared those exorcists were Neah? The way they ran?"

"Yeah he told me already, I gotta admit, he has some real potential." Amora said, leaning on her hands, a light, almost pleasant, smile on her face as she teasingly turned her eyes over to look at Denis. "At least he knows how to take Innocence like a man, unlike someone I could mention…" Denis huffed and protested vehemently, claiming there were fourteen exorcists and his wound had been _far_ worse. Neah just stared into his glass, what- how did… how did he get here?

'_You were having a bit of a mental breakdown, so I sort of took over, I hope you don't mind'_

He frowned unhappily, well that was one question answered. God his head hurt so fucking bad. He took another look over the table. Everyone had a smile on their face as they teased Denis and as they looked over at him. Someone near him gave him a light pat on the back and it felt nice. It was so strange being here, listening to Denis talk about him, using 'brave' and his name in the same sentence, hearing Amora laugh and clink glasses with him as she told him how she was actually proud of him, even the Earl at the end wouldn't stop beaming.

He was going to betray these people, perhaps even kill them, so why was he here?

'_Stop that,'_ his Inner Noah hissed. '_You can __**be**__ somebody here, stop thinking of those damnable exorcists and think about where it is you really belong.' _

Had it really been a good idea to leave the Noah for the exorcists? He wondered traitorously. He'd occasionally pondered such thoughts, but had never actually considered- considered what?

Leaving his friends? Joining the Earl's cause?

The thought of doing such a thing had seemed so repulsive before, but still, what had the exorcists done for him besides cause him misery and anguish? They were the sworn enemy of his natural family; they had been using him and toying with his heart? It was because of them all of this trouble had started. And it would all end if they just… disappeared. He gasped as pain flared again in his chest; he gripped his clean, white shirt as a pain he couldn't even imagine ripped through him. A few calming breaths later and it subsided to at least a manageable level. He looked up exhausted and sallow to find thirteen pairs of eyes staring at him. And they looked worried. About him.

"Neah are you alright?"

"I told you earlier this party was a bad idea, he needs his rest."

"Neah are you okay! STAY AWAY FROM THE LIGHT NEAH! COME BACK TO US!"

"Calm down Saoirse, he's fine; he just needs to sleep it off."

"Your sister is right. Denis, Edmund, please help your brother to his room"

"Mph"

Neah shook his head and stood up shakily; he almost fell, but he gripped the table for balance. "I-I'm fine re-really. I c-c-can get there on-on my own t-thank you." He said slowly, willing with all his might to keep himself steady. He was so confused; he just needed some alone time to think.

"How can such a skinny little guy have so much guts?"

"Neah," the Earl said slowly, his voice filled with worry, worry for him. "Neah are you sure?"

"Ye-yeah, I'm fine, I'll um I'll see you guys in-in the morning." He stumbled down the hallway, letting the conversations bounce around in his head as he leaned on the wall all the way to back his room.

_He should-he should get back to Bathurst,_ he thought through sagging eyes. He needed to-to make sure-make sure everyone was alright. He only remembered half the walk and as he staggered into his room sometime later, he was pressed to remember his own name. _I've got to-to_- That was pretty much the last conscious thought he had until he woke up many, many hours later, a mindless dull ache everywhere in his body. There was a cool cloth on his head and his arm had been once again re-bandaged. He frowned in the dark, w-wasn't there something he was supposed to do?

He turned his head to see a red blinking light. What were they- oh shit. He sat up in bed, ignoring the pain, the ache and everything that went with it. He had to go get them! Oh God that is if they were even alive. Pure motivation pulled himself from bed, he didn't think of his body, he didn't think of the Earl, he didn't think of anything but Lizzy's face.

Oh God she-they had better be okay.

As he opened a gate to the Ark some rational part of his brain grabbed a coat off his door to cover his sweaty shirt and bloody bandage. He couldn't-he couldn't face that right now, face their disappointment. It was better for everyone if he just pretended he wasn't there. It was better than he had imagined, but that still wasn't very good. They were alive-Oh thank God, thank Jesus God-but… Cross was pissed and Lizzy, well Lizzy was inconsolable. Maria sat on the side, her lips a thin line and her hands in her lap. Neah wiped the gathering sweat from his head as he leaned against a rock for support, trying his hardest to look like he wasn't in agonizing pain. As Lizzy sniffled beside, Neah almost spoke the truth, almost told them what had happened and how he had tried, really tried, to ease their plight and to save Orville's Innocence.

And then Cross had dared accuse him of leading the Noah right to them. Neah fumed internally, his pain a distant memory in his angry haze. This was the thanks he got for keeping them alive, almost at the cost of his own life? _You shot me you bastard, _Neah thought as the burning returned with full force, but at the moment he didn't care. The anger he felt at that moment for his supposed friend outweighed everything else, _and you don't even care, you're just sorry you missed._

So without hesitation or regret, he lied.

He told them he had left after he saw Denis, thought he would get in the way, that he warned them from Edo of the danger. _Why,_ he asked, the face of perfect innocence, _what happened? _Cross grumbled and stalked off, Lizzy hugged him and told him how glad she was that he was okay. She leaned into his bad shoulder, but that didn't matter, nothing really mattered at this point. He stroked her tenderly, telling her that he would always be there for her. He dropped them off back at their bases with little more than a nod goodbye.

He was so tired and he didn't want his family to worry.

**DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM**

Maria winced as she stretched out her shoulders. It had been many months, but she still could feel her broken scapula healing itself. Her practical side acknowledged that it was because she had allowed it absolutely no time to heal. Her more prominent stubborn side completely ignored this very sensible advice. She was going to enjoy this day even if it killed her. The sun was shining, the waves were lapping and, for once, she wasn't running around like a mad woman.

Neah had collectively decided that they were in desperate need of a vacation and spirited them off to a beautiful, remote beach in The Republic of Colombia. Lord knows they all needed a break after their last disastrous mission together.

Neah and Cross finally stopped fighting, at least verbally; as the two of them were now tussling in the water. She knew Neah felt terrible about the Noah and the loss of the Innocence, but goddamn Cross would not let it go. He was convinced that Neah had been in cahoots with the Noah who'd attacked them to apprehend and destroy the Innocence. Maria would never believe sweet little Neah to do such a thing.

Of course it was rather suspicious that Neah announced just a few days after the mission that the Earl had withdrawn his restrictions on Neah's movements. No, she didn't want to think like that. She didn't want to believe her friends were capable of such things. She pointedly did not think about that nasty scar on Neah's shoulder that most certainly hadn't been there a few weeks ago as he roughhoused in the water.

Because that's what friends did. They believed in each other.

So instead she breathed in the warm, salty air, dispelling such unpleasant thoughts. Lizzy lay to her left with a large book over her face. She had gotten about ten pages in before her fatigued body had finally succumbed to sleep. Maria would remove the book, but frankly, the small girl looked quite hilarious lying there like that. Poor kid, she's been working so hard lately, she was wearing herself out. Maria could make out several ribs visible through the thin shirt covering her bathing suit. They were all exhausted. Cross had been unusually harsh on Neah these last few weeks and his lack of sleep certainly didn't help the situation.

Maria was all for a little friendly competition between the two boys and a little animosity was to be expected, but she feared they were taking it a little too far sometimes. Neah tripped backwards in the water and Cross stood over him. Neah smirked and kicked up a splash of water onto the other boy. Cross hissed as some got into his eyes and reached for out Neah, but the other boy was already gone.

In the span of time it had taken Cross to rub his eyes, Neah had made it back to the shore. He grinned triumphantly at his friend. Cross tried to hide the smirk, putting on instead an angry facade as he headed back in.

"Ok you little bastard, no more Noah powers or I'll be forced to shoot you." Neah held up his hands in mock surrender, though they were both grinning. Maria sighed in relief. At least for once they were just having fun with their fights, if just for today. It was a gorgeous day out today and she intended to take it for all that it was worth. She leaned back and soaked in the wondrous South American sun. Today all she wanted to do was lay in the sun and rela-

"Maria heads up!" before she even had a second to process this shout, a ball rammed into her gut expelling all the air from her lungs. Lizzy jerked next to her causing the book to fall off. Neah looked guilty at her with his large silver eyes as he apologized and sheepishly asked for the ball back. Her right eye twitched and she grinned crazily. Neah wisely stepped back. She stood up with ball in hand and proceeded to run after the two boys. They had a good head start, but she eventually caught up to them.

Lizzy just continued to doze not hearing the distant sounds of her friends' screams.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Lizzy stretched, enjoyed how vitalized her body felt. She felt physically good for the first time in a long while. She readjusted the straps on the sun dress she wore. Sleeping on that beach had done wonders for her exhausted body, but it sure did a number on her skin. She gingerly pulled a light shawl over her reddened, sunburned shoulders.

They were staying in a nice hotel in town, not too far from the beach. Having gone up to change out of her sandy bathing suit, she went down to the hotel's main lounge where her friends were chatting. Neah and Cross had been wrestling in the water just before she fell asleep, but they looked awfully beat up. She made a note to reprimand them later for being so rough.

Maria was happily drinking a colorful drink that probably had more alcohol than all their ages combined. They'd probably be carrying her upstairs later, but that was alright, this was a day for all of them to just relax. If that meant getting shit-faced drunk, well then so be it. Neah tossed a peanut at Cross.

"Must feel good to get out of Edo for a while?" She said, he smirked and rolled his eyes.

"It was getting to the point where I was trying to kill myself with the cutlery at dinner. I swear to God one can go crazy if they spend too long in that hellhole." Cross raised an amused eyebrow.

"If you hate them that much, why don't you just kill them instead and save us the trouble."

"Idiot, now why would I deny you such pleasures?" Lizzy sat back and enjoyed the atmosphere of peace, tranquility and camaraderie.

For so long it seems like they'd been fighting and on each other's nerves. For a while, she'd dreaded rather than relished their meetings because she nearly choked on the tension. And Neah had been so distant as of late. He still smiled and acted the same, but it was as if he were just going through the motions, as if he didn't really mean it.

But now this was so nice. For once, Neah's smile was big and genuine like it should be, Cross didn't have that suspicious frown on his face and Maria was as flamboyant and loud as she had been that first day in America. It was so nice here, so perfect sitting by the window, teasing Neah about his family and watching the sun set in a picturesque local.

She closed her eyes and listened to her friends gently banter, she smelled the bowl of peanuts that Maria tipped over imitating some pleasant memory of theirs and felt Neah's gentle, yet hardened, hands brush her as he pushed away Cross. She could be anywhere in the world, as long as she had her friends with her and they were happy like this, she would always be on vacation.

Only one thing could make this better.

"Neah, would you do me a favor? Would you play the piano for me? It's been so long since we've heard you play and it would just be heavenly." Neah let go off Cross's hair and sunk into a deep bow.

Over near the door sat a beautiful, but sadly under used, piano. Neah grimly checked it out and announced he needed a minute to get it in tune. Maria took the opportunity to refill her drink; Lizzy ignored her weaving as she wandered over to the bar. The room was empty except for them, seeing as it wasn't tourist season yet, so they needn't worry about disturbing anyone. Neah pulled some tools from his pocket, he diligently began to work. Lizzy wandered over and watched his deft fingers move so elegantly it seemed as if he were born to do this.

"Do you always carry around piano tuners with you?" She asked with amusement. He said nothing, but merely smiled as he concentrated on his work. After a moment he spoke.

"Of course I do, I'm the musician remember? I booked this hotel specifically because they had a piano; I always like having one with me if I can." She nodded and slid next to him watching him work. He shifted, but otherwise ignored her presence. Giving the piano one last twist, he closed the top and cracked his knuckles. "Any suggestions?"

"You are the musician, pick something I'll like." He thought for a moment and then put his fingers to the keys and she could almost see the splendor coming from the piano. She sighed with pleasure hearing the light, swaying melody. Even Maria and Cross who were whispering something to each other at the table stopped to listen to the song.

It was a beautiful song, she didn't recognize it and she was sure she would remember it if she'd heard it before. She then decided to stop thinking and just listen to the notes lovingly caressing her ears. They echoed beautifully in the large hall, making her feel like she was at a concert made just for her. This was heaven; she could sit here for the rest of her life listening to this song. Eventually though, as do all wonderful things in her life, the song ended leaving her feeling simultaneously empty and satisfied.

"Neah," she said breathlessly. "That was beautiful, where on earth did you find you find such a wonderful sound?" He blushed and stared down at the keys and twiddled his thumbs.

"It's um it's not an actual song. I um It's something I've been putting together in my spare time, there really aren't any words and I haven't found a title. It's actually pretty stupid, I mean how stupid of me to start on a C minor-"

"You wrote that? Oh Neah that's amazing. Wow, you have words to it? Can you sing it to me? Please?" She said, reaching over to grip his shirt. If he was red before, he looked like he was about to explode now. He fidgeted under the scrutiny.

"Really Liz, it's nothing, here let me play _Elise_ for you. I happen to know it's your favorite." With that he launched into a lovely rendition of Ludwig van's _Für Elise._ As he said, the song was indeed one of her favorites and she could not help but enjoy the gorgeously preformed piece. Even a few of the wait staff came out; the manager came out to yell at them to get back to work, but ended up staying to listen as well. That was effect Neah had on people when he played, it was like magic but real.

The evening proceeded with Neah flitting back and forth from Beethoven to Bach to Chopin. The four of them lightly chatted and laughed while the music provided the perfect soundtrack to the evening. Cross threw things at Neah, demanding he play something more upbeat to which Neah responded by playing a soothing dirge. The conversation never once drifted to the Earl, the Noah or the Black Order. They never talked of war, death or the heartache they'd already seen and would soon face anew. They instead told old stories, recounted memorable events with plenty of exaggeration and giggled about idiotic antics from students and friends at the Order. Maria snorted causing her to choke on her drink.

"Really? He built a catapult? Where the 'ell did he find the room?" Maria asked between chortles, her cheeks bright with alcohol. Cross smirked and fiddled with his empty water glass.

"I'm serious, Tiedoll and that psychopath Alex McDowell built a catapult outside Headquarters, near where the Guardian sits. I think they were drunk and bored when they made it, because it was very poorly constructed. I told them it wouldn't work, but they tested it anyways and with a big ass rock too. The whole thing ended up collapsing on itself and putting a rather large hole in the outer wall." Neah rolled his eyes from his seat on the piano.

They'd finished their dinner hours ago and simply sat around swapping stories in the dim room. Most of the staff had already turned in for the night, leaving them to themselves in the large room.

"You exorcists are crazy. If the Earl really wanted to take you down, he should just lock everyone in Headquarters and wait for you all to kill yourselves." Cross threw a wadded up napkin at him.

"Don't give away our secret Neah; it's the only think keeping us alive." The sun had long since set and after hours of talking, they were beyond tired. They had to get up early the next day to return back to their dreary lives, but no one was willing to stand up and officially end the merriment. Eventually though, Maria passed out and they shrugged their shoulders and dragged her upstairs, throwing her roughly onto her bed. They left her mostly at peace, though the boys did manage to doodle some on her face before she could stop them.

Cross yawned and leaned against the wall on the way to his room, all the while waving that he wasn't tired in the least. Neah led Lizzy to her room. He kissed her cheek and told her to sleep well. She barely remembered stumbling into bed before she too fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Sometime later when the moon hung solitary in the sky, Lizzy blearily woke up and rubbed her eyes. She yawned, not really sure what had disturbed her and decided to get some water downstairs. Staggering downstairs, she was only mildly surprised to see Neah sitting at the piano, quietly playing a quiet melody so not to wake the sleeping patrons.

"Neah? What are you doing up? Don't you know how late it is?" He looked up at her with concern as he stopped his playing.

"Dammit, I didn't wake you did I?" She slowly shook her head and slid next to him again. The air was quiet once more without the music and only the exotic animals outside provided noise. Her hands lightly tapped the keys. "I-I couldn't sleep, I just have a lot of things on my mind a-and sometimes just sitting here at the piano helps me relax." They drifted back into silence. She gently ran her fingers across the keys, enjoying the silkiness of the ivory keys.

"You know, if you want, I could uh teach you." He said quietly, she smiled, lost in her memories.

"I'm afraid you'd be out of luck, I have no such talent. M-my mother used to play the piano all the time; I used to think she was the most beautiful thing in the world when she sat there with her back perfectly upright making such wonderful sounds. I always wanted to learn, but she was too busy to sit down and teach me." Neah stopped her fingering by lightly grasping her hand.

"Do you miss her?" he asked softly, it was such a simple question, but there was so much weight behind it. She didn't want to think about that right now, she wanted to be happy. She got enough misery and sadness out in the real world. She wouldn't let this perfect day be stained with reality.

"Neah, could you play that song just once more? And could you sing too, don't worry I won't tell anyone." Neah pursed his lips in embarrassment, but began anyway. The soft tune filled the air.

"_Then, the boy falls asleep. The flame inside the breathing ashes and one by one-" _Lizzy closed her eyes again, listening to Neah's voice weave through the melody. She leaned against him and to his credit he never faltered in his fingering. He continued playing even once he finished the lyrics. She inhaled the sweet sound of music and before she realized it, she was slowly falling asleep on his shoulder with the lullaby soothing her into a peaceful slumber.

She awoke with a start to the morning sun filtering through her drawn shade. She sat up; she was back in her room again. Was last night just a dream? She rubbed her head and got dressed. She stepped outside of her door and straight into Neah

"Morning Liz, you kind of fell asleep on me last night so I took you back upstairs. Though I must say, asleep or not, you were quite the conduit for my creativity." He said brightly as he readjusted the strap on shoulder. "I've been struggling with a name for awhile, but seeing you sleep like that, I was thinking maybe the Lullaby. What do you think? I'd love to hear you sing it some time, it would only seem appropriate since I wrote it for you." Neah beamed proudly.

"You wrote that beautiful piece for me?" The joyous expression fell off his face; he coughed into his fist and a bright flush rose to his face. She smiled; _boys._

"Um well you see I didn't-I didn't mean well write it exactly I uh… you uh…You know, I bet Maria is up by now, she probably needs help packing I-I'll meet you downstairs." And just like that he was gone. She shrugged her shoulders and dragged her small bag down the stairs humming a beautiful tune written for her by a very sweet guy.

**DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM**

"Can we come in now?" Cross asked crossly as he stood with crossed arms outside a cabin a few kilometers outside of London. Lizzy inspected her nails again and found they were just as grimy and shredded as they were the last time she checked not a minute before. Maria tripped over something inside eliciting a loud, painful sounding crash.

Cross really tried not to sigh, she was going to all this trouble after all.

"No! You can't come in yet, dammit Neah, where the hell are you?" Maria shouted, proceeding to curse loudly under her breath while she bustled around the cabin. Cross would probably be handling the situation better if he wasn't standing around doing nothing in the middle of fucking nowhere. But it was a necessary evil, Leverrier had showed up for a surprise inspection at Headquarters and they certainly couldn't gallivant around with Maria or Neah there, not after their last encounter. And Maria couldn't be persuaded to move the event, this party had been a tradition since they'd all become friends and nothing would prevent her from moving it.

It was curious how close he and Lizzy's birthdays were and to save time and energy they always had just one party for the both of them. So here, on the first of August, just one day after his birthday and the day before hers, they were waiting for their 'surprise' party. The balmy English summer surrounded them as they stood outside the cabin, glaring daggers into the wooden cabin. Cross was pretty sure that standing there, he had come up with a few new curse words to blasphemize that damned Noah for being late. What was Neah doing? Didn't he know they weren't getting any younger standing out here?

"Oh, you're here! Thank God, put it over there. Um ok guys! Sorry um for the wait! I'm glad you could come to see my new Innocence demonstration!" Cross drearily rolled his eyes over to Lizzy. She pantomimed smiling with her hands while glaring heartily at him, which was Lizzy language for 'smile or I'll kill you'.

"Alright, we're coming in! I can't wait to see your Innocence Maria." Lizzy shouted, covering her frigid frown with a rigid smile. She slowly opened the door and they stepped inside. It was dark and quiet inside the dirty, dank cabin. Cross began to tug off his coat as the humidity was starting to get to him.

"This sure is strange; I wonder where she went Lizzy." Cross said drolly as he cleared his throat. Lizzy gave him a look of exasperation. Though she couldn't really blame him, sometimes it was painfully frustrating to put up with all of Maria's childish antics.

"Is anybody home?" Lizzy shouted, taking a step forward. A giggle came from nowhere and suddenly the floor under which Lizzy stood began to move. Lizzy stumbled back, pale faced, into his arms. Maria popped out of the floorboards. She threw some confetti at them.

"Surprise! Happy birthday you two! See I was in the floor!" Lizzy twitched her mouth up in a vague resemblance of a smile. She was just as excited about this party as he was. Maria stumbled out of her hole in the floor and recovered the trapdoor. "I really got you, didn't I?" Lizzy laughed nervously and nodded. She discreetly removed her hand from the butt of one of her pistols.

"I just can't believe it. I'm so surprised; I can't believe it's already August first again." Her caged animal expression would be hilarious if it wasn't quite so terrifying. He nodded surveying the cabin. There were streamers thrown across the room every which way and confetti covered just about every square inch of the place. A hastily painted sign, hanging off center and just moments from falling all together, read 'Happy 16th Birthday Cross and Lizzy!' A cake sat on the far table; it was pink with a shitload of frosting. Cross frowned, speaking of the cake.

"Hey Maria, where did Neah go-I mean uh, is Neah coming today?" Guy sure knew how to disappear fast, quite smart of him actually. Even Cross couldn't deny he jumped when he saw a sudden shadow dislodge itself from the wall and step forward revealing his friend. Neah, normally laid back and jovial, stood there with a blank face. He graced them with a sarcastic smirk that made Cross feel dirty.

"Surprise. Happy birthday and congratulations, you lived long enough to see sixteen years." Maria frowned before quickly replacing it with a giddy smile; she leaped over to Neah and pulled him into a tight, bone-crushing hug. She laughed, though it sounded like she really wanted to cry.

"Neah can be so funny sometimes. Now let's all sit down and chat now that my two favorite exorcists are another year older." She pulled a handkerchief and lightly dabbed her eyes. "My babies are growing up so fast, I'm so proud of you all!" she exclaimed, blowing her nose loudly. The three kids exchanged awkward looks as they slowly sat down at the only table in the room listening to the deafening silence.

This had to be the dreariest party ever.

Maria talked non-stop in a vain attempt to cover the quietness that had fallen over them. Lizzy played with her hands and drew pictures in the layer of dust on the table and Neah just stared at the world. "So I said to my superior that's not an Akuma, that's my wife!" They smiled politely at Maria's terrible, nonsensical joke. Her strained smile only grew bigger. "You know, I think it's time for presents! I'll be right back!" Lizzy sighed once Maria was out of ear shot and gave them a chiding look.

"Come on guys, I know this is the last thing you want to be doing right now, but Maria has worked awfully hard to pull this together. The least you can do is act like you're alive." Cross smoothed down a wayward hair, he was trying he really was, it's just this atmosphere was suffocating.

"Yeah I know, it's just I leave for Gibraltar tomorrow and I've got to leave pretty early. I want to get as much sleep as I can before then." He replied, wearily rubbing his eyes.

Neah just sat there soundlessly. He didn't tease Cross and ruffle his hair. He didn't smile and tell him not to worry and say that he would drop him off. In fact, Neah hadn't helped them with missions at all since the ill-fated experience in Bathurst. Every time they mentioned it he claimed to be busy, deciding he was going through some trouble in Edo, they'd stopped asking all together.

It had been strange adjusting to regular transport again and it also reminded them just how much Neah did for them. Going back and forth on their missions without him, they often found a week or two would pass before they would see their friend again. Maria ran back into the room holding a few presents in her arms. She shivered from the chilly atmosphere, despite the room's suffocating warmth.

"Ok, I got one for each of you! Happy birthday darlings! I'm sorry I couldn't do more, but you know how it's been." Maria said heavily as if trying to keep the weight of the world afloat with only her smiles.

They awkwardly accepted the poorly wrapped gifts with a nod of gratitude. Lizzy got some badly needed hair clips and ribbons to help keep her long hair back and out of her face. Maria managed to get a smile from all of them by insinuating that Cross could borrow Lizzy's hair ties to maintain his own long hair, which now brushed just past his shoulders. For the first time all day, the mood had finally begun to lighten. Cross got a beautiful leather bound notebook for him to take notes with. Up until now he would scribble his thoughts and scientific theories on random scraps of paper. A notebook was just what he needed.

The air grew tense again when the boys realized they had each given Lizzy the same gift. A few months ago, during a particularly harrowing mission, Lizzy had lost one of her earrings. She wasn't all too concerned with pretty bobbles, but the small silver studs she wore were extremely important to her being one of the few things she had left from her home.

She smiled appreciatively and kissed both of them on the cheek. She proclaimed she would wear one of each so she would have both of her boys wherever she went. But the good mood had been broken and Cross and Neah did not speak to each other again that day.

For once, Maria was silent, having apparently given on pretending that everything was alright. She cut the small cake and gave everybody a piece. They all stared down at the sugary confection.

"Remember when we went to Colombia? On our vacation? That was a real good time." She said quietly, mostly to herself, as she poked her cake. The others said nothing, of course they remembered, but too much had happened since then for them to really enjoy the happy memory.

Lizzy and Cross returned back from their Columbia trip to find that several people they knew, including a few invaluable exorcists, had been killed the day before on a dangerous mission that they should've been on. Their Master had asked where they had been, saying that while they were entitled to some vacation time every now and again, they were always on call. It was the first time either of them could remember getting yelled at by their Master.

The look of angry disappointment on his face had burned them far worse than any injury they'd suffered.

They went and visited some of the survivors from the mission. Lizzy nearly broke down in hysterical tears when she learned that one of the casualties had been a recent inductee, Julius Seyton. He had just turned twelve that month. The Akuma attacks had been steadily increasing and even the undertrained inductees were being forced to fight the Earl's minions. Maria was also admonished for leaving her post during such dangerous times. The mention of the last Akuma attack ripped new holes in Maria's heart and led old wounds bleed anew.

Though he wasn't really to blame, the others silently cursed Neah for it was his family causing all this death and destruction. Previously they would never think such things about their friend who they knew felt terrible about his family's misdeeds. But life was getting hard and Neah was a Noah despite how much they pretended he wasn't. Though no words were exchanged on the subject, Neah read their feelings and gradually became more distant. Maybe the exorcists and the Noah really couldn't get along after all. They felt terrible about their shameful feelings, but the damage had been done.

Neah had been coming around less and less and, without Neah around for transportation, the European exorcists could only talk to Maria on the phone.

Perhaps that was why Maria was so insistent on this damn party. Perhaps she was trying to make amends to the friend she treated badly and to keeping their fracturing family together just a little longer. Perhaps she saw the icy snows of winter just around the corner and was trying to do all that she could to keep the cold at bay and away from her family.

The wind blew outside and Maria quietly announced that, fun though the party was, she needed to get back to her base. She could, after all, only lead a horse to water. They cleaned up their meager supplies and gave halfhearted goodbyes. It was hard to believe that this time last year, they'd been inseparable. Neah opened a gate from inside the cabin to avoid the sticky air outside. They left the cabin quiet and empty, without a trace of the once powerful love.

* * *

_How I wish, how I wish you were here._

_We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,_

_Running over the same old ground._

_What have you found? The same old fears._

_Wish you were here. ~ Pink Floyd_

* * *

I've gotten a few reviews commenting on the pettiness of the boys and their behavior. Well yes, and that's on purpose. The last two chapters have shown the boys being stupid and petty with their crushes, but now things are getting worse. The little arguments and competitions are slowly turning into something more serious, something irreversable as the pressure piles up on both sides. And yes, Neah is having mood swings and yes he's becoming a complete jackass, but it's all for a purpose. It's all going to come to a head soon so you people who dislike build up, it's almost over. I personally like it, I think it makes the situation a little more real than if it went from happy to angsty all at once. This is what? Chapter 11? (rubs back of neck nervously) this is seriously not even halfway done. I don't really answer reviews because I'm not sure what to say, but I will answer any questions.

To MyWitchCat- I don't know for sure. It's never specifically stated in the manga (there is so little actual information on Neah) so he could be, I just chose to make him the Noah of Pride because it fit. I'm almost certain to be wrong, but we''ll see :)

(1) Pommies- Englishmen (this is Australian lingo as best I could find )

(2) Deros- derolicts, It really means like hobos, but I liked how it sounded

(3) Fossikers- miners, specifically gold miners.

(4) Moll- jerk, thief

(5) Goddamned son of a bitch (approximately)

_Wish You Were Here_ (c) is the property of Pink Floyd (Whom I will see in July, part of them anyways :D) :)


	12. Angie

_Disclaimer: I do not own any part of D. Gray-man nor any of its characters. I can only close my eyes and quietly play dress up with said characters in my head and hope I'm not desecrating Hoshino Katsura's work too much._

For those of you who care, Author's Notes will be at the end of every chapter and any and all questions will be gleefully answered if asked.

* * *

_Angie, I still love you_

_Remember all those nights we cried?_

_All the dreams we held so close_

_Seemed to all go up in smoke_

_Let me whisper in your ear_

_Angie, Angie_

_Where will it lead us from here?_

* * *

Cross took a sip from his coffee and observed Lizzy over the rim of his cup. Even hopelessly tired, at the end of her rope and borderline depressed, she still looked lovely. They quietly ate their dinner and made mindless chatter, simply relishing the few minutes they were not needed somewhere. It was around seven o' clock and they were the only ones in the cafeteria. Teresa, the Branch's head chef, had been on her way out when they had stumbled in just off of a grueling mission and in dire need of some form of nourishment.

He hated to put people out of their way like this, but they'd already skipped way too many meals as it was. Lizzy, especially, was feeling it the worst. At her healthiest, she couldn't weigh fifty kilos soaking wet. Looking at her wan face and sunken eyes, he'd guess she was now closer to forty-three.

It has been chaotic here at the Order. A few months ago he would've never thought that his job as an exircist was easy, that had been before the Akuma levels had spiked to impossible levels. Cross could not believe the amount of Akuma reports coming in and it didn't take a former scientist to realize just how bleak the situation had become. The Black Order only had so many trained exorcists; there was only so much that could be done when so few people were needed just about everywhere.

Already, inexperienced trainees were being thrown into battles they couldn't possibly hope to win. It had now become habit to take the long way around Headquarters to avoid the main chapel where there were always more cloth covered coffins awaiting cremation. At least fourteen exorcists inducted last spring were dead And those were only the ones he'd heard about.

He sighed as he took a final swig from his coffee, half wishing there was something stronger in it. He couldn't give up now. Lizzy was killing herself trying to please everyone and their mother; he needed to stay strong if only for the sake of helping her. She would work herself into the grave if he wasn't there to hold her up and, more importantly, hold her back. She yawned loudly, tugging absentmindedly on her messy tail. She pushed her half eaten plate away. He frowned but said nothing.

"I'm beat; I'm going to go to bed. I'll see you tomorrow to help Master with the trainee's organization. If you need me before then I'll be helping General Fleming and Miss Moneypenny send out communiqués to exorcists in the field-"

"No you're not." Cross wasn't sure who was more surprised, himself or Lizzy, when he reached over the table and grabbed her hand as she stood up.

"You've been working yourself too hard, you need to rest or you're going to end up killing yourself. Please, as your friend, I am asking you to cancel your appointments tomorrow morning and just get some sleep. No one will blame you." He squeezed her hand gently. It was hurting him to see her in such a state. He would do anything to protect her, even from herself, if necessary. She smiled sadly and patted his hand.

"I appreciate the concern Cross, but I'm fine, really. I'm afraid I can't cancel tomorrow, we're short staffed enough as it is and the General needs all the help he can-"

"I'll go in your place." Shit, why the hell was he volunteering for that shit job? He looked up at Lizzy's pale face and remembered why.

"Please Liz; you've been working ten times as hard as anyone here. You really need to rest. I'll go help General Fleming and you sleep in and regain your strength; you're no good to us in the state you're in." She opened her mouth to say something, but ended up just smiling in that exasperated way that said 'what can you do?' She reached over and ran the backs of her fingers down the side of his face.

"You, despite your hard and bitter exterior, are very a sweet human being. But don't worry; your secret is safe with me. I do believe I will take you up on your offer. But don't think you're getting away with this, I'll be there to help you as soon as I get up." Linking her arm in his, they walked down the darkened hallway watching occasionally as another weary, beaten exorcist walked by. She sighed

"It's not how it used to be. You know, kill a few Akuma, save the world and spend most of our time here in Headquarters training or hanging out with the Maria and Neah around the world. I mean, what happened? What's happened to us? I miss it; I miss life when it was easy and enjoyable." She leaned into him. He released her and instead put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. She didn't object.

"This is what we trained for. All those hours we practiced, all those targets we blew away, it was all in preparation for this. I know it's been hard, but hopefully this means the war is coming to an end."

"You're right of course. It's pretty naïve of me to think we could go back to such peaceful times and pretty selfish as well. It's been hard on all of us, so who am I to complain?" He snorted and gave her hair a quick ruffle.

"Lizzy, I can think of many, many words to describe you, but selfish is not one of them. I probably wouldn't have said that a few years ago, but you've grown up, we both have. And we're still growing, still learning, still getting better, that's what it means to be human." She smirked as they reached her door; she played with the ends of her hair.

"I don't know what I would do without you, Neah and Maria; the three of you are single-handedly responsible for getting me up every morning. You need to be at the communications sections by about five thirty tomorrow morning, I'll be there by about seven. Thank you very much." With a quick peck on the cheek, she closed her door leaving Cross standing there alone in the dark hallway.

Suddenly feeling very uncomfortable, he rubbed his arms in a futile attempt to keep the goosebumps at bay. He quickly made his way down the hall toward his own room. The Order had begun to feel less like home and more like a prison. It was hard to believe that these stone walls of oppression had once brought him great comfort. He felt like he was being watched at every corner, like God himself was watching him, judging him. There was too much pressure here. Too many people were looking to them for answers they weren't nearly experienced enough to have. Plus he wasn't even sure he believed in the Order anymore.

When did doing what was right for humanity and doing what was right for the Order become two separate things? He was practically running by the time he reached his room. His stood outside his room and gasped for a minute, mildly ashamed of his fanciful paranoia. He was a scientist after all. He opened his door and fell onto the bed, it had been a long day and it would be an even longer one tomorrow. He groaned as he covered his eyes with his arm.

Dammit, why the hell did he have to be so nice all the time?

**DGMDGMDGM**

Neah twitched in his sleep as he rolled over. He burrowed his head into the pillow, was something beeping? He mumbled some incoherent curses into his pillow. He then decided that he didn't really give a damn. He went through hell every day of his life, he was going to enjoy every moment of peace he could grab. He didn't remember much else after that. Some amount of time later, the infernal beeping returned or perhaps it just never went away.

Neah drooled on his hand.

"No Mana please, I have enough muffins as it is." Neah shut his eyes tighter in the hopes that he could stay in the candy land he had found himself in. Seeing as the problem was not correcting itself, he sat up growling; whatever was causing that noise would soon be smashed to bits. He glared over at his dresser, red; his foggy mind searched his records. Fire engines were red and so were certain types of apples, but how did this apply to him? As far as he knew, fire engines and apples did not blink like that. He reached over for the device on his dresser, blinking a rage red which somewhat disturbed his sleepy eyes. What the hell was this aga- oh shit.

Snapping awake, he examined the device closer. Still showing the wear and tear from the last time it was used, the device impassively blinked away, seemingly unaware of the danger it conveyed. Dammit what was going on now?

His sluggish mind couldn't come up with the exact math, but he knew it was also late in Europe. Jumping out of bed, he put on some trousers and a shirt as quickly and quietly as possible. He was about to fuss with his hair, when he realized that his friends could very possibly be dying at this very second, vanity was not an option right now. He summoned a gate to European Headquarters and prayed.

It was impossibly dark in the dank and dirty room. Even the light generated from the gate could only do so much to illuminate the darkness of the still abandoned science department. He stepped out and cautiously looked around.

"Hello? Is anyone here?" he whispered, though he supposed it was a bit unnecessary as it appeared no one was here. He frowned, if this was a prank he was going to be really, really-

"Oh you're here!" A shadow dislodged itself from the wall and hugged him hysterically.

It was Lizzy. His shoulder jerked with the pain of her sudden weight, but he pushed it aside. There were more important things to worry about here. He wrapped his arms around her as she sobbed dryly into his shirt. He panicked, his mind imagining a thousand terrible scenarios that could have brought about this reaction. A part of him was also confused. Lizzy never wanted to put people out of their way, so why would she call him down from Japan when Cross was just down the hall?

Not that he really minded or anything.

She looked up. "I'm so glad you came. I just didn't know w-what to do. I-I need your help." He gently stroked her hair as she tried to pull herself together. He led her over to some abandoned boxes where he sat them down.

"Lizzy, can you tell me what's wrong? I can't help you if I don't know the problem." He said in what he hoped was a soothing tone. She sniffled and fought back the tears she refused to let fall.

"I-I've been corresponding with my-my sister, Jane, for a while. You… you remember my sister don't you?" he smiled wryly, tall strawberry blonde with a mischievous spark, how could he forget? "The-the mail has been withheld here for a while for se-security purposes. That ba-bastard Leverrier has a team of people intercepting and reading our mail. He's looking of traitors and treason hidden in our private letters. A-anyway, an hour ago Shelley Stoker, a girl from communications, came with a set of letters and an apology. A-apparently, Jane has been terribly sick for the last two weeks and she's been… she's been writing me." She wept quietly into her hands.

Neah felt ashamed at the relief he felt in his heart, at least Lizzy was alright. But still, he could only imagine how she hurting, if that were Mana…

"What can I do?" He asked softly as she clutched him.

"Can-can you take me to the hospital to see her? From her letters, she sounds just dreadful and I can't stand being here while she's suffering alone. I-I need someone with me." He nodded, okay that made sense. She wiped her eyes with her dirtied hands causing the dirt to mix with her wet tears. "Al-also, I need someone to help me sneak in. I-I'm still banned from the family, I can't let Mother or Father see me." Ouch, that's right. He rocked her for a few more minutes while she continued to cry. He had a feeling she wasn't just crying for her sister, but for herself as well.

This cleansing of the soul was long overdue, but it wasn't enough, she couldn't open herself up enough to really weep about all the things troubling her. After a few minutes she collected herself, she stood up and brushed off her lank trousers and long sleeved shirt as if she hadn't just spent the last hour wallowing. She pulled her hair up in tail with a passive face.

"She's at Mildred Ratched Hospital in downtown London in room 1962. We should get going." She said in a perfectly even voice, she then turned and walked perfectly erect out of the room. What a woman. She was going to break if kept up this strong act, but he loved her anyways.

**DGMDGMDGM**

He discreetly glanced at his pocket watch again. It was nine o' clock London time and he was sitting on the roof of a hospital. He stifled a yawn. Lizzy was traumatized as it was, he didn't need to worry her any more than he had to. Neah was actually very concerned for his friend. She looked so worn out sitting up here, trying to stay strong for some unnamed audience. The dark circles under her eyes were frightening and would soon give way to wrinkles her pretty face should never know.

He couldn't be with her all the time, what the hell was Cross thinking letting her work herself to death like this? He frowned. He still hadn't found the nerve to ask her why she had called him and not Cross. Cross could have just as easily gotten her here, hell, he was probably better at sneaking in places than Neah was. Lizzy leaned against the wall, an exhausted mania glittering in her weary eyes.

Maybe he'll ask her later when she was a little less tense. He wished they could just go down there now, but Lizzy was determined to be thorough and make sure no one was there. And he wasn't familiar enough with this hospital to know any quiet place where he could open a they were stuck up here on the roof until Lizzy's paranoia would let them go down.

He sighed to himself and settled himself in for a long evening. She shivered next to him as a chill wind blew.

"Hey Lizzy, its cold, why don't you come over-" before he could finish, she had cuddled right up to him just as close as she could be. Smothering his emotional response, he wrapped an arm around her shoulder. She sighed tiredly into his shirt, exhausted by the weight of the world.

"I'm so sorry Neah, I'm sure this isn't what you want to do at some god awful hour at night." His fingers lightly played with the ends of her messy tail.

"That's the thing with emergencies; they have a nasty habit of appearing at inconvenient times. Life, death and taxes have, according to Mana, the worst possible timing." A ghost of a smile appeared on her face. Now they were getting somewhere.

"We might be here awhile; would you like to hear a story?" She nodded and settled more comfortably onto his shoulder. For the next hour he regaled her with every funny story he could think of from the time he and Mana stole some of their father's scotch and went cow tipping to his disastrous eighth birthday in which Mana pissed off the hired clown and they ended up brawling. Anything and everything he could think of to keep that small smile on her face and to distract her from her current heartbreak. Lizzy's light giggles were halted by a loud yawn. Her eyes fluttered as exhaustion compelled her to shut them.

"Hey you, why don't you rest your eyes for a minute, I'll watch the hospital and wake you-"

"No, she's my sister. I'm going to stay awake and be there for her, like she has always been there for me." Neah bit his lip with frustration, sometimes there was just no talking to this woman. They sat in silence for a few minutes watching the stars highlight the quiet which seems to never sleep.

"I used to love this view." Lizzy whispered beside him, so quiet he almost didn't hear her.

"All four of us: Lydie, Cathy, Jane and I would sit up on the roof of Pembourn and watch the stars. We were close enough to London to see and hear the city, but just far enough away that the lights didn't completely mar our view of the stars. We would sit up there for hours on end, talking about absolutely nothing." The stars reflected back in her eyes as her memories came unabated.

"Lydie and Cathy would giggle over the latest gossip in London, you know, who was doing what with whom. Jane would make poetic declarations about the nature of life and love and exclaim how blessed we were. And I would just sit up there looking at the stars and realize just how small I was in the grand scheme of things, how all of my problems were insignificant in comparison to the vastness of the universe." She chuckled sadly as she turned her head to look fully into the sky.

"At least some things never change. It's kind of nice to know that you're really, really small. It reminds me that all my hard work and labor has no meaning, that from the perspective of the stars, I'm unimportant. Up there, no one is counting on me to save them; no one is looking for answers I can't give. To the stars, I'm just another broken little girl looking to the stars for solutions." He looked down at her, unfamiliar and mildly frightened by the resentment in her voice.

He pushed the loose fringe away from her face and gave her a loving kiss on her smooth forehead. He rubbed her shoulders in an attempt to calm her.

"Have I ever told you how amazing you are? You just have this incredible patience and the ability to work against your own benefit. You are one of those few incredible people who cares only for others. Even now, at your most bitter, you fret that you will not be strong enough to help all the people who need you." She scoffed lightly.

"Right, because I do a whole lot of good." Neah frowned, sarcasm was a favorite tool of Cross's, but he rarely heard it from Lizzy. "All those people I let down, all the kids at the Order looking at me with wide eyes as if I have all the answers. Fat lot of good I've been, it seems that every time I try to help, I just end up watching my own failure." He brushed her hair some more.

"Come on," he chided lightly. "You exorcists just have too high of expectations. You can't save everyone Liz, you have to know that, but you've done a damn good job of saving everyone in between. No one is blaming you for not being perfect, no one but yourself."

"Perfect?" She spat, giving him a level look. "And tell me, what do you know of perfection? Is perfection like my parent's told me? Quiet, but beautiful, obedience? Or is it the destruction of every Akuma? Which is it? I've had both preached to me, so why don't you tell me a little about what it means to be perfect." Neah just looked down at her sadly, playing softly with her tangled hair as he mourned the hardness in her eyes. How had he allowed this bitterness to grow in her? His eyes narrowed, not he, Cross. That bastard wasn't taking care of her enough and look what had happened. Look what had happened to Lizzy when he wasn't looking.

"Lizzy, no one is perfect and it's alright, no one expects you to be." He kissed her gently between eyes. "But to me, you're perfect just the way you are with all the little things that make you my friend. If I had to, I wouldn't change one damn thing about you, because despite everything you are and everything you're not, I still love you."

"Neah, I don't-" he hushed her

"I'm not perfect and do you blame me for it? They want me to be in Edo, to make me into this perfect little killing machine, but I'm not, does that make me flawed?" she slowly shook her head as the fight started to go out of her. "I don't care what your parents say, perfection is being the best you can be, or at least that's what Mana told me once. He said that it didn't matter if you screwed things up a little, as long as you gave it your best, it would always perfect." She smiled, just a little, but it lifted his spirits.

"There now, that's better," he purred lovingly. "We wouldn't want Jane to see that frown on your pretty face, now would we?" She shrugged a little, but the smile remained where it was. He pulled out his watch, it was just about ten thirty, it was probably safe to head down now. He stood up, not enjoying the way his back popped in several places from the terrible position he had been sitting in. Lizzy also stood up and shook the kinks from her legs. Neah sighed with relief, she looked a hell of a lot better than she did when he first saw her this evening, a good night's rest and she would be as good as new. She stretched her arms over her head.

"I knew you'd understand, that was why I called you and not Cross." Neah paused, he had honestly forgotten about his envious relief during all this. Her eyes glittered a little with familiar mischief that gave his heart some relief. "I know it's been killing you, why I would bring you all the way from Edo when Cross was a hop, skip and a jump away. But you know what it feels like to compete against perfection, Cross would've said the same thing as you, but it wouldn't have meant as much." Neah let a grin form on his face.

"T-the Noah, I don't know, you-you just understand. Cross can brush off those feelings, but you know what inferiority feels like, there isn't anyone I'd like to have here more." Neah's pride wanted to grin and dance and shove it in his friend's face that Lizzy choose _him_ and _his_ experience over Cross.

But no. Some other night and some other crisis, perhaps Lizzy will turn to Cross because he could help her, because that's what friends do. They help each other because they care, not because of some petty competition. Cross's hurtful words at Mana's circus came back to him about how Lizzy wasn't a prize to be won. As usual, Cross was right, though it had taken months for his jealous brain to see it.

He really could be such an idiot sometimes.

"Besides, poor Cross has been working himself too hard. Do you know that he volunteered to take my spot in the communications section tomorrow? He said I needed rest and that he would get up at five and help them in my place. I couldn't pull him out of bed to help me with another of my problems." Neah's mouth twitched, ah, so he was chosen so she wouldn't have to disturb poor Cross's sleep. It kind of stung, but still, she chose him now and that would just have to suffice.

The floor that Jane was on should be somewhere under them, so he gently lowered Lizzy down to one of the windows which she opened. He jumped quietly down as they silently entered the room, hoping not to disturb the sleeping patients. He shivered; he hated hospitals, ever since that horrible week he spent battling his Inner Noah. They ducked around a corner as nurse walked past them on her nightly route. Luckily, both were very well trained in the art of invisibility, hers learned in training and his learned pickpocketing, and were thus unnoticed. Scurrying out once the coast was clear they scanned the rooms.

Neah located a floor plan on one of the walls and cursed in his head, dammit; they were on the wrong floor. Lizzy grimaced, but made her way to the stairs, what else could they do? According to the map Jane's room should be two floors below them. Taking the steps two at a time, they hurried down the numerous flights of stairs. Soundlessly opening the door onto the correct floor, they looked about. The empty halls echoed the sounds of silence with deafening clarity.

Neah gulped at the realization that some of the silence was coming from the fact that some of the people in these rooms were no longer capable of filling up the quiet anymore.

As they continued forward, he wondered if Lizzy would be able to handle seeing her sister so ill? She'd lost far too many people in her life; he wasn't sure her sensitive heart could handle anymore death in her life. He knew it was hard to see a loved one suffering, he could still hear Mana's beaten shoes running away from his hospital room. He shook his head, no, not now, not when Lizzy needed him. Lizzy stopped ahead of him, standing numbly in front of a door.

Trying to still her shaking hand, she entered room 1962 quietly and carefully. He followed her reluctantly; he wasn't sure what to do, should he leave her alone or what? There she was, lying there peacefully on the bed oblivious to the grief she had caused. Jane's thin chest rose shallowly, at odds with the cacophonous sound of her mangled breathing. Neah could see the bones of her face and neck with frightening transparency. Lizzy swallowed and lightly stepped forward.

Jane was pale, thin and all together unhealthy looking, a far cry from the tall, jovial girl he'd met before. Not knowing what else to do, Lizzy grabbed a washcloth on her beside table and lightly dabbed away the sweat that had collected on her sister's head.

"Do- um do you know what she-"

"It's consumption, it's an awful disease and highly fatal." She said not looking up, only gazing deeply into her sister's ashen face. "There is no cure." She added almost as an afterthought. Lizzy set down the washcloth on her pillow and delicately ran her knuckles along her sickly skin. "Oh Jane, sweet, sweet Jane, you're so gentle, you couldn't fight off such a malicious disease. You were the only real lady in our family, so loving and kind." Jane shifted beneath her sheets and Lizzy drew back as if burned. With seemingly great effort, the elder Logan girl fluttered her eyes open and turned to Lizzy.

"Lizzy, is that you?" she rasped wearily, even talking in such a soft voice prompted a gut-wrenching series of coughs. After a moment, she regained her breath "What are you doing here?" Lizzy got down on her knees and stroked her sister's thin, sweaty hair.

"Oh Jane, I couldn't not come to see you. I only wished I'd come sooner, but I didn't get your letters until this evening. What do the doctors say? Has your health improved at all?" Neah turned away, unable to stand the broken quality in his friend's voice. He could take bullets for her, but he couldn't protect her from this kind of pain. Against all odds, Jane managed an awful, weathered smile which made her cheek bones more pronounced against her skin.

"I'm so glad you're here Lizzy. Mother and Father won't talk about you, but I've missed you so much. I knew you'd come, I knew I'd see you before I-"

"Don't talk that way! Don't you dare say things like that!" Neah sucked in his breath and put a hand on Lizzy's shoulder to calm her. They didn't need to shout that loud, especially in a hospital this late at night. Jane coughed weakly, making her sound like she was being strangled, which in a way she was.

"Lizzy, it's okay. The Lord has been so kind to me thus far, if he sees fit to take me now I will have no objections. You work for the church, so you should understand. You cannot fight fate Lizzy, we all have our individual destiny's Lizzy, our place in this world is merely to follow God's plan." It took a while to get her full message out as it was so often interrupted by her coughing. Neah hoped Lizzy couldn't see the ominous red spots gathering around her beloved sister's mouth.

"Bullshit Jane! God wouldn't want you to give up! He helps those who help themselves remember? Fight it Jane, fight it with everything you've got! You cannot give up because you will die a-and you just can't dammit." Neah rubbed her shoulders, Lizzy was borderline hysterical at this point. He could hear the tears in her voice as she pleaded with her sister.

He knew what she wanted to say. 'There is no God, God does not determine who lives or dies, humans do.' She would never say it, but he could see it well enough in their eyes, both hers and Cross's. He supposed after all the death and hatred, one starts to lose faith in an almighty and benevolent God. Jane wheezed pathetically under Lizzy's harsh glare. A bony, fragile hand reached over and touched Lizzy's. She smiled again.

"Eliza, you have to believe. Believe in the strength of the Lord, believe in the underlying love of humanity and most importantly, you have to believe in yourself. You are a warrior, but you will always be my little sister. Believe Lizzy, believe and your faith will be rewarded." Jane's body tensed as another atrocious coughing attack racked her ailing body. Blood dripped down the corners of her mouth as her eyes flickered between the conscious and unconscious worlds. Lizzy gripped her hand.

"Jane! Jane! Stay with me, please! Please you have to stay awake! You must!" Footsteps resounded in the hallway, shit, it was probably a nurse coming to check on Jane's cough. He roughly grabbed Lizzy's shoulders. Not nearly enough time, but they had to leave.

"Lizzy, we have to go. We can come back later, but we have to leave right now." He said as he hauled her to her feet. She struggled against him as her tears fell onto his hands.

"No, I can't leave her. I can't leave her like this, I won't! You can't make me!" He twisted his lip into a frown trying control his frustration. She had to get ahold of herself, this was most certainly not the time to be losing it. With one last forlorn look at the fading girl in the bed, he opened a gate and forcibly dragged Lizzy through. She fought and screamed and protested the entire way. Lugging her squirming body through the portal, Neah couldn't help but wonder how Cross would have handled this situation.

He grit his teeth, ignoring his screaming shoulder. He was doing this for her dammit. He shut the gate and Lizzy fell limply in his arms, he set her to the ground where she leaned on her hands and wept. He had to remind himself that he wouldn't be much better if that were Mana lying there dying...

"Lizzy, I'm so sorry, I just-we had to leave or we would've been caught and Jane would have-" He was unprepared when she suddenly launched herself at him, She had an expression of frantic rage on her face as she clawed and kicked at him. He could barely hold back her emotional attack.

"You bastard! You motherfucking bastard! That was my sister, how could you take me away from her! She needs me! She needs me!" She screeched, her senses gone in the sudden wave of grief. She fought wildly and got one hand free long enough to get a long scratch across his face. He frowned.

"She needs you? What about us Lizzy? Don't we need you too? Did you think I'm just going to let you stay there? To get arrested and be taken away? Is that what you wanted? Well, let me tell you, that wouldn't have helped your sister in the slightest! God, Lizzy, use your head for a minute. Calm the fuck down and think about what you're doing for just one fucking moment." He growled at her, gripping her wrists a bit more than was probably necessary.

She stopped fighting for a moment and just stood there a moment breathing harshly and letting the tears fall. What the hell was he doing?

He let go of her wrists and pulled her into a hug. She wrapped her arms tightly around his back and began to cry even harder. He stroked her hair and neck and whispered sweet words of comfort into her ears. They stood like that for a long time, just how long he never really bothered to find out. After a while, her agonizing cries quieted down into soft whimpers of pain.

Seeing no other alternative, he swiftly picked her up and walked to the door leading to European Headquarters. Lizzy didn't protest and only curled further into herself as she continued to cry away her grief. It was an awful, painful sound that made him wish he could do something, anything, to alieviate her pain. Stumbling in the dark, no idea what time it was and not really giving a damn, he walked towards Lizzy's room. Kicking open the door, he gingerly laid her lifeless body onto her bed. She didn't react other than letting a soft moan escape her parted lips as tears slipped onto her pillow.

He smiled slightly, in the short amount of time it took to walk from one door to another; Lizzy had managed to fall into a deep sleep. And then the smile was gone. God he could only imagine how exhausted she was, between the life-sapping missions and the crushing pressure and now this? He sighed as he loosely pulled her tail out and threw a blanket over her. Someday, he would make sure she would get all the rest she deserved. She would be treated like the princess she was and she would never frown, or worry, or cry ever again.

Someday, when the war was over and they could be together, he would make her happy.

He leaned down and kissed her modestly on the lips. Rolling his shoulders, he sat down and watched her sleep, all the wonder what he would do to Cross the next time he saw him for letting his Lizzy be reduced to such a state.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Alarm? Why did he have an alarm going this early? Cross grabbed the infernal device and glared at it. Five fifteen… Why the fuck was he pulled from sleep at five in the fucking… Oh. Cursing his good nature, Marian Cross, being the nice guy that he secretly is, stumbled out of his blessedly comfortable bed to get ready for job he didn't want to do. Shit, he was going to be as bad as Lizzy soon and then they could be buried together.

Cremated sorry, Order policy.

He sighed as he pushed these bitter thoughts away. Hopefully she was lying in bed getting some well-deserved rest. He was doing this for her, not for the Order or General Fleming, but for her. And she had better appreciate this.

At five thirty on the dot he wandered into the communications sections and found the perpetually irate General Fleming. Cross informed him that he would be replacing Lizzy because she feeling under the weather. The General, not nearly as warm and jovial as his own Master, grunted and merely pointed out where he should go. He didn't care who did the work so long as it got done.

So Cross sat down and worked and worked and worked.

He sent out so many telegraphs, letters, and voice messages he thought for sure he had lost his mind somewhere along the way. Everything from informing exorcists in the field of more Akuma sightings to regretfully telling teams that their injured friends had died in or on the way to the hospital. Unfortunately, he sent out quite a bit of these last ones.

He chewed the inside of his cheek in between calls. Christ, twenty-two, he'd had to inform the squads that sixteen finders, one nurse, three scientists and two exorcists had died. Holy shit, they couldn't afford to lose twenty-two members of the Order under the best of circumstances. The Earl was steadily decreasing their numbers and it was scary, scary to think that they might actually lose this war.

He jumped as a hand gripped his shoulder. It was Miss Moneypenny, head of the communications division. She smiled down at him through her thick brown curls and he realized that she was actually kind of pretty, you know, for an older woman. He could see why she and General Fleming were always awkwardly flirting with one another. She handed him a steaming cup of coffee and gave his shoulder a light pat.

"Why don't you take a break love? You've been here longer than anyone else. If you leave now, you just might be able to make lunch. I'll try and see if I can get you some relief for the afternoon, you look exhausted." With that she turned away and began to help a young girl figure out how to work the telegraph. Lunch? Cross blinked into his coffee and looked up at the clock on the wall.

It was already twelve thirty-five. Blinking the tired strain from his eyes, he began to panic. Lizzy said she'd be here at seven, eight at the very latest. Setting down the cup, he raced in the direction of Lizzy's room. What could have happened? Is she actually sick? Could she, or anyone for that matter, have slept in for five extra hours? Did she- would she… No, Lizzy would never, ever consider-

He ran even faster.

Reaching her door, he threw it open hoping, praying to the God he wasn't sure he believed in that that she wouldn't be laying there in a puddle of her own blood. What he saw was perhaps worse.

Lizzy was there on the bed blissfully asleep, dried tear tracks visible on her face. Neah sat next to her, his head lying on her bed. What the hell was _he_ doing here? At the sound of the door, Neah sat up and shook himself awake. He stared at Cross, still in the haze of sleep and tried to determine whether he was real or not. Cross panted in the doorway just trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

"Lizzy-is Lizzy alright?" he asked between gasps as if fearing the answer. Neah moaned and cracked his neck. He pulled out his watch and moaned.

"Shit, it's already noon? I've got to get back, is there any chance you could watch her?" Cross had already by this point spanned the room and hovered menacingly over Neah, his fists clenched and prepared to defend Lizzy's honor.

"What the hell happened here?" Cross asked icily, glancing back and forth between the two. Neah looked up with a tired frustration that pissed Cross off to no end. The look proclaimed 'I really don't want to deal with this right now'. Cross was about to strangle Neah's skinny neck when he spoke.

"Lizzy's sister, Jane, is ill. Consumption, it's really bad. We went to see her and Lizzy sort of lost it, she broke down right there in the hospital. She was hysterical, it was… it was pretty awful to see. She practically passed out in my arms and I took her back here. I don't know, after all she'd been through, I just couldn't leave her alone." They both cast worried eyes over to the girl they both loved dearly.

She looked tired and worn out and just plain old. In the time Cross had seen her last, she had aged five years. If she looked this bad asleep, he could only imagine how she really felt. They sat in silence as they stared at her limp form. Neah's gaze hardened as he turned to glare at Cross, resentment and accusation burning in his eyes.

"She looks awful, even before this whole business with Jane. What the hell are you doing letting her slowly kill herself like this? She can't weigh more than forty-five kilos! Do you even care for her at all?" Cross sneered, didn't care! He was doing everything humanly possible to keep Lizzy alive and healthy while this little bastard was lazing around Edo! Who was he to say he didn't care!

"You have no idea what it is like here! Do you think I'm letting this happen for fun? Because I get some sick pleasure out of seeing her suffer like this? I've given her every break, every rest I possibly can. And what the hell are you doing? You're a goddamned Noah; you have no idea what it means to be an exorcist. We're here just cleaning up the messes you cause. Twenty-two dead! Dead Neah! Do you know what that means? And that's just the reports from yesterday, who knows how many there will be today! You're the one who doesn't care! If you gave a damn about Lizzy or humanity you would have done something to end this war by now!"

Neah stood up and glared down at him from his greater height. Cross saw rage and murder reflected in his friend's silver orbs. So this is how it would end? At the mercy of a pissed off Noah whom he had considered his friend? Cross fingered his holstered weapon, he was prepared to die for the righteous cause, but he wouldn't go down without a fight. Lizzy moaned and turned in her sleep. The two boys froze and lowered their stances; no argument was worth disturbing her desperately needed rest, she'd gone through enough recently without the two of them engaging in battle right now.

Cross took the risk to turn from Neah and wander over to her bed. She sighed lightly in her sleep and pulled up the blankets before falling still again. He sighed in relief; at least she was okay. He turned to Neah to continue their discussion only to discover that he had vanished. Cross huffed, well good riddance to bad rubbish. He sighed and sat down in the chair Neah had recently vacated. He really should thank the bastard for bringing her home safe, he must remember to do that next time he saw him, right after he punched him in the face.

**DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM**

Neah came over for tea today.

Mana was, of course, delighted as always to see his brother, but he was surprised when he entered alone. He hadn't seen Neah recently without his little gang at his side. It was strange and more than a little worrying to see him so alone. Neah said nothing as he quietly sat down backwards on one of the chairs with his chin resting against the cracked and dirty backboard.

Mana pursed his lips at the disturbing behavior but had decided to let Neah speak when he was ready. The small tent, usually very lively, felt very cold in the face of the stark silence. He wordlessly handed his brother a cup of tea and sat down in the other chair. Neah took small, quiet sips as he stared into space. Mana studied him over his tea. What was he supposed to say? Neah didn't look like he was up for talking right now and he didn't dare bring up his exorcist friends as Mana suspected they were the source of Neah's problem. But if Neah wasn't here to talk, vent or cry, then why was he here? Mana opened his mouth.

"Please," Neah begged quietly, sounding tired and hopeless. "Don't ask, don't talk, don't-don't do anything. I just needed somewhere to get away I could just get away from it all and not have to answer anyone's damn questions." Mana looked away and went back to staring into his tea. Neah sat there for over an hour unmoving, staring at floor once he had finished his tea.

Mana could only imagine what had happened to leave his usually cheerful brother in such a state. Mana wanted to hug him, to tell him that everything would be okay, that he and his friends would always be there for him, anything that would bring the life back to his brother's face. But Neah's posture clearly indicated that such actions would be unwelcome.

What had happened to them? He looked up at his brother, at the miserable look on his face as he fiddled with the chipped tea cup. Neah claimed he didn't want to talk, but maybe that was just a cry for help? Neah probably was waiting for Mana to say something, to show him a little love and maybe then Neah would open his feelings to the latest problem troubling him.

"Neah," he said softly, looking up at his brother. "Why don't you tell me what happened? You know I'm always here for you and I want you to know that you can tell me anything." Neah frowned thoughtfully and continued to stare down at the floor. After a minute, he stiffly pushed himself out of the chair.

"I've got to be going now Mana, thanks for the tea." A song, a gate and he was gone. Mana moaned and put his head into his hands. Great, he ran him off. So much for his career as a psychologist.

Jesus what had they gotten into now? He picked up his brother's empty tea cup and turned it over in his hands, fingering the chip Neah had made in it a long time ago when they had been younger and happier. It was brittle and cracked, looking like one day the whole structure would collapse upon itself. The description also seemed to fit his brother as of late. Mana sighed and rubbed his head. Neah would come back, he always did.

Mana only hoped that when he did come back, he would more willing to talk and, more importantly, Mana would be strong enough to hear whatever had upset his little brother so much. So Mana turned and silently cleaned up, all the while wondering where things had gone wrong.

So began another day for the Walker boys.

**DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM**

Lizzy moaned in her bed as she forced her numb and aching body to get up. It protested vehemently with every voluntary movement she made, but like every other day, she ignored it. There was no reason to get dressed seeing as she had collapsed in her bed last night still in her uniform. She looked down and carelessly brushed imaginary dust off the worn and wrinkled coat, she was far too tired to spare anymore interest. She walked past her mirror without so much as a glance as she left her room. She knew she looked awful and having her suspicions confirmed wouldn't improve her already dour mood in the slightest.

Also the pristine lotus flower perched at the top would only bring her to tears, tears she couldn't afford at the moment. She couldn't put up an air of false cheer like Maria could, but dammit, she wouldn't be a bitch to people working just as hard as she was. She stumbled through her route of avoiding the chapel and stopping by the infirmary where she talked to and tried to comfort the injured. She swallowed the lump in her throat as she did every morning knowing that several people would not be in there tomorrow only to be replaced by more moaning, dying friends and comrades.

It had been a week since she'd visited Jane and she couldn't seem to get out of the fog of death and depression that had come to permeate the Order. Her home or, at least what used to be her home. Now she didn't recognize the place, the people or even herself at times and it was scary. It seemed like everyone was tired these days, there were no more jokes told in the long hallways, no more laughing, just people wandering down the hallways with the bleak hopeless look in their eyes.

The older exorcists handled it a little better, having seen these types of situations before, but many of the younger kids had never even seen battle. They were unprepared for such a vicious assault and it was taking it's toll on all of God's warriors. She tiredly rubbed her eyes.

It was times like these she wanted to talk to Neah about what was going on. Why did the Earl increase his Akuma? Why did he suddenly decide to slaughter the exorcists after so many years of relative peace? But every time she was about to ask, she never could work up the nerve.

Neah had been so up and down recently. There were days when he would be the guy she had known and loved for years, but more often than not, he would be cagey and distant, with a menacing look in his eyes that Lizzy did not like in the least. Part of it was her fault she supposed, all of their faults, for being absolute assholes to him. The knot of guilt wrung tight in her stomach as she pictured the look of hurt on his face at the cool way they treated him after Colombia, after the Akuma attacks really began to escalate.

They didn't mean to hurt him and, really, they didn't blame him for anything that was happening. But it was just so easy to blame, if only in their hearts, their friend who by unlucky association was involved with the bastard killing all of these people. She knew Neah and she knew that he would never, ever be involved with the Earl. She cursed her filthy human weakness and kept on walking.

Isn't that what he always told her to do? To keep walking until the day she died?

This sucked, everything sucked, dammit, dammit, dammit! She kicked the stone wall in frustration immediately regretting it. Her brief and unnecessary burst of anger faded, leaving only lethargy in its wake. This was getting her nowhere. She sighed, twisted her mouth in frustrated determination and set to keep moving through the rest of the day, then she would rest tomorrow for sure… the same motivating words she'd used yesterday and the day before that.

She mentally ran over her schedule: meet Cross and some others to catalogue records, help clean and assist the nurses in the infirmary until noon, survey and inspect the base's lackluster security with Arsene LeBlanc and finally, eat, sleep and decompress in under an hour before she needed hop a train down to London where she would lead some wounded exorcists home.

What a day, harder than yesterday and a hell of a lot easier than tomorrow will be.

It was amazing she found the inclination to go through this every day. She stretched her sore back in preparation for hours of mind numbing, back breaking work. After all this time working for the Order, Lizzy had finally found out the truth.

Hell wasn't a fiery pit.

Hell was a small, cramped room full of records, archives and seemingly meaningless files.

She groaned upon reaching the records room, couldn't they just send her off to war instead? That was a Hell she was prepared to handle. She opened the door against her better judgment and resigned herself to misery. Entering the small room, she realized that today would be one of _those _days. She didn't try very hard to disguise the sneer on her face at the present company in the room. It was jack-ass boy, otherwise known as Jason; he responded to her sneer with a grimy grin as he set down a stack of papers on an already littered desk.

The old man was there as well; looking even older and smaller than he had appeared last time, a swift kick in the shins from said man got the kid working again.

Cross was there as well and merely raised an eyebrow at her seemingly unwarranted anger. Of course, Cross wasn't there when the creep had practically molested her with his intense scrutiny. She put her nose in the air and walked to the other side of the room giving the two a wide berth. She would get through this just like she overcame all the other crap that had been thrown her way; she just had to keep walking like Neah told her to.

"Lizzy, are you okay, 'cause you seem pretty pissed at that guy." Cross asked through the side of his mouth as he picked up an unreasonably heavy box. She blew a lock of hair in frustration as she set to straightening a pile of papers that had fallen to the floor.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just stay away from that guy. I met him at the Inductions, you know, the day you tried to butcher little Aiden? He's such a creep, I mean he grabbed me and started reciting my whole record and, I don't know, just leave him be." She unconsciously began rubbing the area on her arm where he held her, it felt very cold. Cross gripped the box he held tightly. She rolled eyes, but felt a smile creep up on her face anyway. She could practically see the thoughts running through his head, it was cute and slightly annoying how protective he was sometimes. Didn't he believe she could handle one creep by herself?

"I said leave him be. Yes he's weird, but he's not worth getting into trouble. Besides, they're not exorcists so they must be here on other business for the Order, it's not like we need any more heat on us." Cross twisted his mouth and turned away, indicating that while he knew she was right, he still wasn't happy about it. The four of them sat in silence as they worked. This place probably hadn't been cleaned or even looked at in years. The dust alone threatened to kill her; at least it was better than death by paperwork.

She groaned, going through yet another pile. Did the Order need to keep a record of the food supplies bought and used in 1853? The sheer waste of paper and space alone was enough to piss her off. What was really strange was that while a lot of the boxes were just old records, a lot seemed to be hand written journals, some even fairly new. Out of curiosity, she opened one and began perusing the elegantly written tomes. War, it was an account of war, cruelties she would never have thought of in sickening detail filled page after page.

She cast a wary glance at the numerous other boxes like this cluttering the room. How many others were filled with this awful account? The sound of someone clearing their throat behind her caused her to impulsively close the book. It was the old man.

"I'm sorry Miss but I'm going to have to ask you not to look at those. Those are our records of the war with the Millennium Earl covering generations of all the important and unimportant details. We are temporarily storing them here at the Order, but are only allowing certain individuals to look at them." She mutely handed him the book, the boy stopped in his work to glare at her.

"Haven't you seen enough? Aren't you breaking enough rules as it is?"

"Jason, quiet you insolent boy!" But he didn't stop. He roughly dropped his stack and continued on his tirade, giving her and Cross the full force of his icy blue eyes.

"It's people like you who are responsible for wars like this, arrogant kids who believe they can save the world. You poke your nose where it doesn't belong and in an attempt to dig yourself out of the ditch you've put yourself in, you only burrow further into deceit and lies. The worst crime you commit is burying the truth under your futile efforts at self-preservation. Your lies are the reason we haven't ended this damn war. Do you even think of the consequences of your actions? On how they affect not only the people around you but all of humani-" His fanatical rant was cut short when a large book crashed into his skull. He grabbed is head in pain as he glared up at the responsible party.

It was Cross.

"Listen here asshole, we don't have to sit here and take your crap. I know people like you too; heartless sons of bitches that sit on the sidelines of life criticizing and slandering all the people doing actual work. What the hell have you done? What are you doing about this fucking war besides sitting there in your comfy chair condemning our actions? You don't deserve to wear the rose cross; you have no idea what it means to be an exorcist, to live and die for a cause you believe in. You bastard, you have no right to judge us or anything we do." The air was sparking with anxious static.

Jason took a step forward as if to confront Cross, but the old man stopped him. He still managed to look menacing from his meager height as he glared back and forth between the two boys with irritation.

"Both of you stop, this argument is pointless. Jason, how many times must I tell you to hold your tongue? You must learn to control that temper of yours boy or you'll end up dead because of it." He turned to face Cross and Lizzy with the same dispassionate gaze. "And you children, you also are ignorant. You also do not understand what is really going on here. You and your _friend_ are getting into dangerous territory. I advise you to watch your step before that ditch my apprentice mentioned becomes too deep for even you to get out of." The air became stale.

Lizzy and Cross held their breaths as the old man stared at them as if trying to figure just what was going through their heads. Cross reacted first, he coughed somewhat awkwardly into his dusty fist.

"Hey old man, you don't understand-" the sound of the door slamming open interrupted him. Lizzy felt her jaw go slack, as if things couldn't possibly get worse.

Neah.

What on earth was Neah doing here, especially at a time like this? He liked to stop by every now and again, but this level of boldness was downright dangerous, you never knew who was watching after all. Even worse was the look of blind hatred in his normally kind eyes; his golden eyes flitted over the four of them indifferently as if they were no more human than the paper they were filing.

"I was told I would find you here, if you wouldn't mind, can I have a word with you two outside?" She shuddered. She didn't like the sound of that one bit. The words itself were pretty mild, but it was the tone in which he said them that scared her. It sounded wicked; she could practically see the barely concealed threats dripping from his seemingly innocent statement. Where had she heard it before? Cross must have also picked up on Neah's disturbing behavior because he was fully alert.

Cross stepped in front of her as nonchalantly as possible; they couldn't let the others find out about who Neah was. Even if he was acting psychotic right now, Neah was still their friend and it was their job to protect him. She bit her lip as she resisted the urge to cower. He was her friend, she had nothing to fear. Right?

"Neah you rascal, we're in the middle of some important work. I'm sure whatever it is can wait. We'll meet at my room later, okay?" Cross said levelly, silently gesturing with his eyes to the two other occupants in the room. If they were to overhear anything… Lizzy stepped forward calmly.

"Neah please don't do this. I-I know you're upset, but we will work this out some other time." Neah grabbed her wrist and not too lightly might she add. Cross was immediately by her side as he glared heatedly up at his friend. Lizzy closed her eyes trying to block everything out, what the hell had happened to them? Her wrist was getting sore where he held her; Neah looked down at her impassively.

"Now." She shivered at how chilly his words were, how hard and heartless they felt; so unlike the Neah she had come to know. She'd finally remembered where she'd heard that tone before. It was in Australia, spoken by one of the other Noah. She suddenly felt very frightened, not just for herself but for both her friends as well. Cross growled his eyes alight with some kind of inner fire, just how long had this been going on between them? Longer than she had cared to admit. She had hoped the two boys would somehow resolve their issues before it came to this.

Oh God please just make it stop, please she just wanted everything to be like it was.

"Fine, outside now. Just let her go Neah or I swear to God-" Neah let go of her and without another word, he turned and stalked out into the hallway. Never taking his eyes off Neah's back, Cross put a hand on her shoulder. "You alright?" he asked softly. She nodded, rubbing her wrist.

"I'm fine; it's just- what's happening to him Cross? Did I-"

"Lizzy, why don't you stay here and continue on with the records, I'll be back in a second. I just need to get some things straight with Neah." Horrifying images flashed before her eyes and she grabbed his coat. She knew full well what Neah was capable of and just maybe this time he wouldn't hold back.

"No, no, he's my friend too. We're both responsible for this and it's something we need to fix together." Giving the Bookmen a sideways glance, they stepped out into the hallway where Neah leaned against a wall watching their every move. Cross roughly shut the door before turning to face him.

"Alright Neah, you have something to say? Well say it and while you're at it, please enlighten me about what the fuck that was all about. What is your problem? You can't just storm in and act like that! I'm sorry you're pissed, but don't act so goddamned stupid. And don't you ever, _ever_ touch her again like that or I swear to God I'll-"

"Or you'll what? Punch me? Shoot me?" a sardonic smile played on his face. "I'd like to see you try. You couldn't keep me down the last time you shot me." What? When was he-?

"You know, I've been awfully patient with you, all of you, letting you have your trifling little missions and your little jokes. The lamb gets pretty bold if the lion leaves it alone, but the lion only has so much patience?" Oh Neah please don't, please, you can't do this, you can't do this to us.

"Oh really? And who died and made you king of the fucking forest? I know all about you Neah, I know what you are and I probably know better than anyone what you can do. But that's not the point is it? You're just pissed at us because we were assholes to you. And we were, I'm sorry, but get over it. And now you come in here trying to assert yourself like a little kid-" It all happened so fast.

One moment they were talking in harsh whispers with cruel and biting words and the next moment…

Cross gasped as the bones in his back crunched into the wall. He couldn't speak or even get any air as Neah held him tightly by the throat. Cross's boots were touching the ground, but just barely. Neah stared into him with rage, his eyes bright with some alien power none of them had ever quite understood.

"Oh well don't you know everything little boy. Aren't you just the fucking smartest person in the world? Well you know what? You're wrong. I don't give a damn about how you feel. I did at one point, but why the hell should I be concerned with what some_ human _thinks? What pisses me off the most is your arrogance, at the lowly way you treat me, like I'm beneath you fucking humans. Poor little Neah, stuck in a house of horrors. Poor Neah, let's take him out to make him feel better. Well you know what? I don't need you, or your goddamned sympathy. I risk my neck every time I come here and what do I get? Distrust and disrespect." He raised his voice a little louder; Cross squirmed under him in desperate need of air. Lizzy gaped off to the side, unable to move, as she watched the terrible scene unfold.

"Neah stop it." She commanded softly, her voice cracking; this couldn't be happening, it just couldn't be.

"You thought you could just use me? Play on my feelings and weaknesses to extort my power? Hell, who do you think you're dealing with? I'm a goddamned Noah, I don't need you or your precious little Order, it would be so easy to kill you all if I felt so inclined."

"Neah, please stop, please you're hurting him." She said desperately, feeling tears well in the corners of her eyes. Oh God, this couldn't be real.

"Just lure in the unsuspecting little Noah with kind words and false promises. God I can't believe I fell for it, this whole friendship thing. You never cared, none of you ever cared, did you? All you ever cared about is your holy goddamn war and would go to any lengths to win it." Cross's movements began to slow down.

What was going on here? It was a madhouse in here!

"Neah stop it! Stop it you're hurting him you bastard." She stepped forward and pushed Neah as hard as she could, causing him to let go of Cross. He gasped hoarsely as he fell to the floor holding his bruised throat. Her whole body shook as she panted with fear and exertion. Neah took a step back and observed her with wry amusement. She knew Neah was toying with her and somehow that hurt the most. She was crying now. He took a step forward and tilted up her chin so that she was looking right at him. Maybe there was still hope; maybe she could snap him out of whatever spell his Inner Noah had over him. Because this wasn't Neah, Neah, her friend, would never do this.

"Neah please, we're your friends. We don't want to hurt you; we never wanted to hurt you. We didn't treat you like a god or a slave; we treated you as a friend. P-please stop, what happened to you? Please don't- please don't do this to me." He gently brushed her cheek as tears fell, his face took on a look of mock kindness.

"You know Lizzy; I always thought you were so pretty. I remember how hard I would try to keep you happy, to keep you safe, to make you love me even half as much as I loved you. But you've been playing me too haven't you? Using your big, brown eyes and shameless tears to keep me and my powers close. And that's what hurts more than anything, I was willing to give you everything, but you couldn't give me something that wasn't there." He whispered softly, he didn't do anything physically, but she still felt the breath leave her body. Why would he-? They-she would never do that.

Her knees gave out on her and she fell to the floor as if the world had just collapsed under her. She wanted to say something, anything to convince him that they cared, but nothing would come out. All she could do is sit and watch as her friend dissolved before her very eyes.

"I should've known getting involved with you exorcists was a bad idea. I should've stayed in Edo where I belonged; at least there people don't lie to my face and use me. Goodbye Marian, Elizabeth. Perhaps we'll meet again, but on opposite ends of the battlefield." And just like that, he was gone. She stared at the space where the Ark had just disappeared from, perhaps fro good this this time.

This couldn't be real, it just couldn't be.

She couldn't lose her family again; she couldn't be abandoned again, left on her own.

Alone. She barely got through it the first time.

"Neah, Neah please come back." She squeaked between tears, her shoulders shaking violently. Cross had gotten up and stumbled over to her; he kneeled down and stroked her hair.

"Come on Lizzy; let me take you back to your room. I'll call Maria a-and let her know what's happened. Just don't think about it Lizzy, it's going to be okay." She scoffed as she glared up at Cross with tears still streaming down her face.

"Go away? Just forget about him? That was your goddamned friend and you're just going to let him go? You were the one who told me to forgive people, to try and understand why they hurt us! I can't just forget about him, just pretend that he didn't exist!" she sneered as the tears still rolled.

"There's a bit of a difference between your father and Neah. Now come on, I'll tell Master you're sick and put you to bed. He'll be back, don't worry, he always comes back. " He pulled her roughly to her feet, she shook her head. No, he hadn't see the look in Neah's eyes, it was over. For good.

"There is no difference! I'm being abandoned for the second time in my life by someone I loved. Goddammit! God-goddammit..." She sobbed in her hands. "Neah! Neah please, please don't leave me! Neah please come back!" Her cries echoed through the empty hallways. After a few minutes, she allowed Cross to lead her back to her room. She just laid there on her bed and cried, what else did she have to do?

She'd lost one of her closest friends and now… and now she didn't know what to do.

* * *

_But Angie, Angie_

_Ain't it time we said goodbye? ~ The Rolling Stones_

* * *

Boy oh boy, things are not looking good for our young heroes. I hoped Neah's transition was developed enough without being too dragging, I just wanted to show the slow boil of tension, tensions that every friendship has under such strain and how it exploded to this. Only the shattered pieces of their friendship remain, will they will be able to salvage it again? (shrugs) if you've made it this far, you might as well continue. Also for those of you still reading, please keeping mind that I am making up about 97% of this story. All I did was take the very basic facts given in DGM and form a story around it. If one person's entertained I'm happy.

_Angie_ (c) is owned by The Rolling Stones


	13. Behind Blue Eyes

_Disclaimer: I do not own any part of D. Gray-man nor any of its characters. I can only close my eyes and quietly play dress up with said characters in my head and hope I'm not desecrating Hoshino Katsura's work too much._

For those of you who care, Author's Notes will be at the end of every chapter and any and all questions will be gleefully answered if asked.

* * *

_And my dreams they aren't as empty_

_As my conscious seems to be_

_I have hours, only lonely_

_My love is vengeance, that's never free._

* * *

Had Neah cared a little bit more he probably would've been very disturbed by his total lack of feeling regarding his recent actions. He had just switched sides in this war for the second time, severed ties with his best friends and basically threatened to kill them and yet he felt … nothing.

It had to be his Inner Noah; else he would be in hysterics by now.

Or maybe this was just what it felt like to be a Noah, to just go through life not really caring about the lives of humans, future plans or really anything at all. It was kind of nice, this apathy, in this empty little world where he couldn't be hurt or angry or-or happy… He twitched, no, he didn't want to think of that now, he'll think about that tomorrow. He'd think about his friends, about the Noah, about his life sometime eventually, but not now, not when he just wanted to forget everything.

His mouth twitched as he shoved his hands deeper into his pockets. They deserved everything they got, for treating him so badly and for using him like that. Something akin to anger welled in him before fading back into dreary nonexistence.

Well, good riddance.

Every step he took toward Edo, and thus every step he took away from _them,_ seemed… painful. He paused for a moment and turned his head back down the sunlit corridors of the Ark where it would be so easy to just turn around, open the door to European Headquarters and apologize. He shook his head, mentally berating himself. How could he still have doubts? He was-he was finally free of the burden he had been carrying for far too long. He started walking forward again.

Or so his Inner Noah claimed.

He rubbed his temples. Maybe he should talk to the others, yeah; the Noah would know what to do. They would be able to explain this troubling lack of feeling to him. They would remind him of the pride and the closeness of the Noah clan and convince him once and for all where he belonged.

As he stepped into Edo, he couldn't help but recount how many steps it would take-two hundred and fifty-six to be exact-to go on back to his friends. The distance, which had never seemed that far before, now seemed to be unreachable. As he closed the Ark, he told himself that it was for the best.

**DGMDGMDGM**

"Neah, my lamb, pray come join me. I was just setting down for my afternoon prayer, please sit down."

Neah shifted awkwardly on his feet, but reluctantly knelt down before the altar bearing the Millennium Earl's face next to Daniel Kishon, the Noah of Judgment. Daniel was tall and lanky and generally very quiet unless he was on one of his passionate religious rants. Neah had always considered Daniel to be some sort of psychotic, religious freak who put a ridiculous amount of faith into their Master. He discreetly rolled his eyes over to Daniel who was deep in prayer.

But maybe er… maybe he had been wrong about Daniel. Maybe he was just spirited about his duties as a Noah and just deeply cared for the Earl in a way that Neah couldn't understand. Daniel pulled out a rosary with the Earl's smiling face replacing the cross and began to chant.

No, he was still a fucking psychopath, but he could still be useful to Neah.

Daniel had faith in the Earl, something he himself sorely lacked. Neah had to be missing some extraordinary qualities in the Earl if Daniel worshipped him like a God. Neah closed his eyes and tried very hard to think of all the wonderful things he could about his Lord.

A few minutes passed.

Neah could have groaned. Jesus Christ, there had to be something. He was… he was… well dressed, yes, he always looked impeccable in his gaudy white coat and colorful hats. He was also very kind to Neah. The Earl seemed to genuinely care for Neah in a way his lackluster parents never seemed to. He smiled as he remembered all the affectionate pats on the head he had received.

And then he remembered being punished for disobeying an order.

His smile fell.

So he was loved by the Earl only if he acted as a passive, mindless puppet? He rolled his eyes sarcastically, yeah, because nothing inspired loyalty like being treated like a dirty dog. This was getting him nowhere. He stood up at stretched his arms. Daniel looked up at him with displeasure having been interrupted during his precious prayers. Neah grinned and edged toward the door.

"Well, I had a good time praying with you Daniel. I feel that salvation is just around the corner for me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I-I need to wash the Ark." He ran from that chapel just as fast as he could. Only once he was safely in the hallway did he allow his shoulders to slump in defeat.

Who was he kidding? He didn't have anything in common with these nutjobs other than his misfortune at the genetic lottery.

He folded his arms tightly across his chest as guilt and loneliness began to set in. Those two hundred and fifty-six stepped seemed so tempting right now. He frowned angrily and stalked down a hallway at random. No, he had made his choice. He wasn't going to run back to the Order, to the exorcists he had considered to be his friends, just because he was discouraged. He just had to find another Noah to talk to, one who was less crazy, who could actually understand Neah's situation, who-

"_Mon renard_! There you are! Goodness it's strange to see you in Edo for once; you are usually off to parts unknown. Is the shoulder still paining you?" Neah almost jumped as Denis came up from behind him, his hands in his pockets and an apricot scarf wrapped around his neck. Denis wouldn't have been his first choice, but... he did seem to be the only Noah who really cared for Neah and he had worked awfully hard in the past to teach him how to be a Noah. Neah smiled.

"Only occasionally, um can you walk with me for a minute; I want to ask you a few things." His brother's eyes lit up and he slung an arm around Neah's shoulder in an almost affectionate manner as they strolled down the hall.

"Of course, little brother. Now then, tell me what is troubling you." Neah breathed a sigh of relief, he knew Denis would understand. He turned his head away in something akin to shame as he tried to find the words for his feelings.

"Denis, I'm confused about all this Noah stuff, I mean do you ever feel conflicted about what we're doing? Like if we're doing the right thing in this war?" Denis nodded sagely and brought his hand up to ruffle Neah's hair.

"I understand completely Neah and I knew this would happen one day. It's nothing to worry about pet, it's something that all of us go through at some point or another." Neah relaxed at his brother's silky, comforting words. Now thing would finally be alright, finally he could forget his fears.

"So a beautiful woman has captured your interest and you've come to your big brother for advice. Well, you have certainly come to the right place as I am quite experienced with women." Neah grimaced, okay maybe not. But still...

A sharp pang dug deep into his heart as he thought of Lizzy and her tear stained face pleading him not to go. H-he did care for her, loved her in fact, but he wasn't sure what was what anymore. The way she had treated him... used him. He brought his hand to his head as his thoughts conflicted. Dammit, was that even real? Or just a delusion of his paranoia and his Inner Noah? He frowned, Denis just might be able help him in some roundabout way.

"Um yes, it is a woman, she's um she's really pretty a-and nice, so nice." He closed his eyes and smiled as her face formed in his mind unbidden.

"I mean, she would lay down her life for anyone, even someone she'd never met without any hesitation. She loves pistachios and bitter, black coffee. She's so strong too; she actually got shot once though the shoulder, like me, and you wouldn't believe how fast she recovered. She also has this way of tucking her hair behind her ears when she's embarrassed that is just so-"

"Whoa, whoa, slow down Neah, you don't need all of that to romance a woman. You are a Noah remember? Just use your charms and you will have her." Have her? Neah blushed; he didn't-he wasn't talking about _that_. He wanted her to love him for who he was, not to-not…

"Denis, that's not what I mean, I mean that I've known this girl for a while a-and I love her. I just want her to care for me as much as I care for her and-"

"What do you know of love Neah?" Denis frowned thoughtfully, looking down at him contemptuously.

"You are still young Neah and young people tend to attribute love to every emotion they feel. Be careful Neah and do not let this human woman pull you down. You are above her, above all humans. I'm all for a little fun, a little frolicking with some silly little thing, but anything more simply would not do. Remember your place little brother, lest you wind up in more trouble than you can imagine." Neah looked away with uncertainty.

H-he knew he loved her, knew just as clearly as he knew his own name.

He couldn't-wouldn't treat her like a toy to be used and disposed of, he just cared too much. Denis didn't care; he'd never cared about anyone but his own damn self. Is that what he wanted for himself? Because that was what it meant to be a Noah. Neah frowned and shrugged the arm off of him.

"Thanks a lot Denis, I think I understand what you're saying. I'm going to my room now, see you later." Neah said, brusquely turning and walking away. He heard Denis sigh and brush his hair from his face in defeat.

"Fine Neah, but if you ever want to talk again you know where to find me." He brought his hand to his face to slowly stroke his short stubble as he spoke hesitantly. "You know I'm only trying to do what is best for you, right?" Neah didn't answer so Denis kept talking in that soft, deceptively caring voice. "They'll only hurt you in the end, humans I mean, it's just best to stay away from them." Neah paused for a moment before he kept walking.

Maybe humans were bad for him and would bring about his ruin, but he just couldn't forget about her, not now and probably not ever. He kept on walking; glad that Denis hadn't mentioned that his room was the other way.

He wandered on without purpose for about thirty minutes, mulling over Denis's words. He still felt empty, but pain had begun to replace his detachment. He kind of liked it better when he didn't care; it was just easier not to feel anything. He scratched his head, he didn't know what to do and talking to Denis had stirred up memories of Lizzy which only confused him more.

He bit his lip, maybe he had acted a bit hastily. These were his friends and he had just left them. He winced as he thought back to their last meeting. He wondered if Cross was alright, maybe he should go back and check, you know, just to be sure. Something wicked in the back of his mind hissed venomously.

'_You're still concerned about the exorcists? Neah, my darling, they mean nothing to you, remember? You are far better off now that you have put them in their place, now you are free to become the new Earl. Do not fret, all will be well, just trust me.' _

Neah snorted, now he was taking advice from the voices in his head? Maybe there was just something wrong with him, some part that was left out making him incapable of understanding. He rubbed his head irritably. Ugh, he was so muddled and so fucking exhausted. He just needed to sleep, he'd worry about everything tomorrow or whenever it was he woke up.

"Yoo-hoo! Little brother, would you be a dear and help me for a minute?" He stopped and rubbed his eyes. It was Amora, what did she want? He walked back to the door he had just passed. She wore short shorts and a small, clingy tank top; it was just the sort of revealing, distasteful outfit Maria often wore.

Oops, another hole to add to his heart.

Amora was working out, punching a bag hanging from her ceiling. She smiled sweetly and asked him to come in and hold the bag for her since he was such a big, strong man.

His eye twitched, that sounded suspiciously like what the spider said to the fly.

Still, one did not just go about ignoring Amora, so he took his chances and cautiously entered the room. She wiped some imaginary beads of sweat from her forehead as he held the bag in place while she stretched out her long, grey arms.

"Denis is pretty worried about you. We all are, I mean, you've been pretty out there since you came back from that one mission, you know, the one where you got shot." Neah raised an eyebrow, as far as he knew Denis only cared for himself, woman and wine and as for the others... well it'd be a cold day in hell before they admitted to actual human feelings. She must have noticed his skepticism for she smiled ironically.

"Denis's always had a soft spot for you and the rest of us just give you a hard time because we're trying to help you find your way, but I just don't get why you keep brushing us off."

She began punching the bag. He winced as the motion jostled his shoulder, but he kept it steady determined not to show weakness in front of her. "You have a chance to be someone here you know, so whatever your little human issues are I suggest you get over them and actually become useful."

He poked his head around the bag to look at her. "Amora, I-"

"Hold the bag love; you're tough Neah, tougher than you want us to believe. Not all of us could take an Innocence bullet like you did, I said it once and I'll say it again, you've got some real potential." She frowned and began punching harder into the bag.

"But your resolve is weak; you have all that power, all that potential and you refuse to act upon your strength. Your so caught up in your pathetic little drama, clinging religiously to your worthless human ideals. It's enough to make me sick." She growled, pushing harder. "I mean what the fuck do you owe them?"

"What can they give you that we can't? I just don't understand why someone like you, someone as proud as you are would just be content to roam through life not doing shit. You can do better than that and we all know it. So stop being so goddamned passive, stop taking all the crap we give you and fucking do something with your life. Because right now, you're just getting in everyone's way. So either figure what you're going to do with your life or I'll decide it for you." Her words were as biting as her punches and he felt his anger begin to rekindle.

Yeah, what had the exorcists given him besides pain and heartache? Stress and misery? All of his life he had been used and abused by one person or another and yet he kept going back, why? He sneered, he didn't have to put up with them, he didn't have to put up with any humans, he was better than them, and he was-

"_I'm glad I met you." _

He quickly let go of the bag and stepped away, trying to shake Lizzy's sweet smile from his head. He took a deep breath and to calm his shaking hands. What was-what was he thinking? For all the times he'd been hurt there were twice as many times where he was happy. The very thought of hurting another person, of punishing an innocent human to satisfy his petty, misplaced aggressions...

He couldn't-he just couldn't do it.

Amora huffed at him angrily, a disappointed fury burning in her eyes. She growled and punched the bag so hard; it cracked the ceiling above it.

"Get the fuck out of my room you foolish little wimp. And don't even think of talking to me until you finally decide to grow some balls." With that, she turned from him and began wailing on the punching bag with more force than was really necessary. He scrambled from the room.

Quiet, he needed somewhere quiet to think away from all these crazy people telling him to kill people. He hated this; he hated all these evil sociopaths telling him what to do. He hated that they were trying to make him into something that wasn't and, because of that, he couldn't fit in anywhere. Why couldn't he have been just a normal human? Or even a Noah without a fucking conscious? That just wasn't him; he couldn't-he couldn't-

He couldn't kill people, could he?

"Of course you can, it's all in your mind." He hissed in irritation, of all the motherfucking-

"I'd suggest you not finish that thought. You know, it's fascinating, you manage to frustrate Amora in a way that no one else can. She only does it because she sees what you could be with a little help. You should be proud that she cares enough. I was about to come out and see what she was screaming about only to pick up on your panicked thoughts. A word of advice Neah, you really shouldn't think such treasonous things with a telepath around or at the very least don't it scream it so loud." Neah restrained himself from moaning, both in his head and out.

He really wasn't in the mood to listen to Hassan's 'wisdom'. Despite being the Noah of Wisdom, Neah had found the Iranian presumptuous and obnoxious. Neah had yet to have a pleasant conversation with the man and most of the time; Neah was scared shitless that the mind reader would be able to read his treacherous thoughts just as easily as if Neah had spoken them aloud.

"From what I could hear from both yours thoughts, you're having problems coming to grips with the nature of Noah and you're seeking advice. I'm slightly insulted that you sought help in such… low places, the Noah of Wisdom is always delighted to help a wayward little boy." Neah suddenly recalled why he never passed by the library, arrogant know-it-all-

"You say arrogant like it's a bad thing, but your problem is that you still go by human standards and, as Amora pointed out, you are not human anymore. Their rules and customs don't apply to you anymore." Neah didn't want to go in, so he instead leaned against the outside wall of the library, hoping that Hassan would get bored talking to himself and quit.

Sadly, the Iranian man just loved the sound of his own voice.

"You really are sweet Neah and you would make a charming little human, but you are not. You're beyond that, the pitiful trials of daily life and the constant threat of death. We make our own rules and we never die, we control humanity from the shadows of their fears and one day we will eradicate them to rule the world unopposed." Neah rolled his eyes, how many times had he heard this speech? A hundred, a thousand times?

He didn't want the facts and figures of the Noah; he wanted to _understand_ the Noah.

It suddenly grew quiet in the library, which was strange, as Hassan was never quiet when anyone was around to listen to him ramble. Neah heard Hassan's soft voice filter through the open door, but he couldn't make out the words.

"Um I'm sorry, I didn't get that. Can you-"

"Why do you even care for the humans? I know what happened to you, with your Mother and Father, so why do you still care for the race that has treated you so poorly? What good could you possibly see in them after all the suffering you have endured?"

Oh yeah, he was abandoned.

He'd almost forgotten that small fact in the face of everything else that had happened.

"I was a nobody," Hassan continued quietly. "I had no money, no status, no family; I was just another useless body piling up in the streets of my country. I was taken as a slave, used and abused. I had numerous unutterable cruelties inflicted on me for no foreseeable reason other than to satisfy the callous whims of my capturers." Hassan paused and took a steadying breath as he fought off painful memories Neah couldn't even imagine.

Neah stared down into his hands; he-he had no idea. Hassan was always so confident, so open, Neah would have never guessed. How did you overcome something like that? How could you put such awful things behind you and learn to live with yourself and what you've become?

"Being a Noah helped me to escape from that, from the heavy weights God had placed on my shoulders. I'm thankful every day I was able to leave humanity behind because it is a narrow minded and vicious race that deserves to be wiped out. The others, they do not understand, they are cruel and hateful because it is programed in their genes. But men like you and I know what it is like to suffer and that, little brother, is where our true strength lies."

Neah closed his eyes, it often seemed like everyone was against him. Every soulless letter written from his parents, every nameless face mocking him as he traveled with Mana, even Mana had left him when he needed him the most. And now-and now just when he'd thought he'd found people, good, honest people who cared for him, th-they… He wiped irritably at his eyes before the stinging sensation in them turned into something more.

He didn't know if Hassan had any more to say, but Neah walked away in a slow shuffle as he mulled over this new information. He couldn't dispel the rising images of all the people in his life that had held him under the water, hoping that he would drown.

Maybe it was time for him to stop being the victim, time to stop taking abuse and start delivering it to the people who had hurt him.

Maybe the Noah were right; he'd seen an awful lot of dirty, evil, merciless humans. Maybe the Earl really was trying to rid the world of such a heartless lot, of people who would kill their own for a few pounds more and who went through friends and lovers like toilet tissue.

The anger that had started to burn when he was talking to Amora began to flame again. He'd tried his best to do right by people, to go out of his way to help strangers with their troubles. And what did he get? Scorn, hatred and a terrible heartache that refused to leave him. He'd probably do the Earth a favor by destroying mankind and all of its immoral ways, there was no need to further taint the beautiful landscape with humanity's blood and wickedness.

He quickly took a right turn, now finding purpose in his wanderings.

He needed some way to vent his anger, to think his situation through. And what better place than the wreck room, the Noah of Wrath's favorite abode?

He smirked; even a hundred meters away, he could hear Edmund viciously ripping apart some furniture. He wouldn't want to interrupt his oh so delightful brother, but maybe watching him beat the crap out of some innocent wood would improve his dark mood. Maybe then would he become more familiar with the hatred welling uncomfortably in his gut.

He entered the room as silent as a prayer and stood in the corner. Edmund picked up a chair and bashed it against the wall. It occurred to Neah that his normally silent brother was muttering something as he destroyed. Curiosity getting the best of him, he slowly wandered closer until his acute Noah ears picked up Edmund's rage filled words.

Mother.

Edmund was cursing out the mother who had abandoned him at a young age. As he turned a chair into powder, he explained in great detail what he would do to her if he saw her again.

Neah sucked in his breath and snuck away, though he needn't bother, Edmund was too involved with his imaginary revenge to notice anything. Neah gulped and resisted the urge to run as far away as possible. He wasn't quite sure what disturbed him so much; seriously who cares about Edmund's family issues and how he resolves them?

And yet Neah was still shaking.

He rubbed his arms as he thought about his own mother. She was very pretty, or she had been, he hadn't seen her in almost three years. Still, even though she hadn't exactly been there for him… she was still his mother. He could remember a time when his parents had actually been around, when she would play with him and Mana before tucking them in. When he closed his eyes he could still see her warm and smiling face hovering over him, telling him how much she loved him.

So, Edmund hadn't really helped at all. He should probably quit while he's ahead and just hide in his room and cry. Or better yet, why didn't he go see Mana?

Mana would know what to do, he always did. Neah stopped walking.

But Mana would try and convince him to go back to the guys and he wasn't sure he wanted that. He was-the things his Inner Noah said still bothered him, he couldn't go back, he had to decide what he wanted first. So Mana was out. He sighed miserably and kept walking, how many Noah did he have left? He huffed. Why did he even bother? These people couldn't help him sort out his conscious.

He heard feet running behind him, was everyone out and about today or was he just finally noticing his family's behavior? It was Rhode running toward him with a box of cookies, her eyes lit up upon seeing him. The hairs stood up on his neck and he had a feeling he'd just been caught in a gruesome trap.

"Neah! I heard you were wandering around, but I couldn't find you. Come and have tea with us!" She beamed up at him. Tea? He didn't have time for tea, but sadly, Rhode's pouting face and his genuine fondness for tea overwhelmed him and he reluctantly accepted her invitation.

Curse him and his British failings.

He was dragged into the dining hall only to see what she had meant by 'us'. Saoirse and Shohei sat together as always. Saoirse was putting lump after lump of sugar into her tea and Shohei lazily swirled his before taking a small, composed sip. Across from them sat Analyse, a large book open in her hands and a tall glass of milk in front of her.

They all stopped what they were doing to stare openly at Neah who could only grin and wave awkwardly. He would have a cup of Earl Grey and then leave as quickly as possible. Rhode set him next to Analyse while she took her place at the head of the table wearing one of the Earl's hats.

It was simultaneously adorable and horrifying.

"I want to thank you all for attending my tea party today; it is a great honor to have you all here." Rhode beamed as she poured herself some tea. He was reaching for the tea pot when a steaming cup was put before him. Analyse looked at him with sharp eyes and an almost challenging smile.

"I'm not particularly fond of Earl Grey, but I know you are. I'd rather stick to my milk." He stared into the dark liquid as if trying to determine what kind of poison Analyse decided to use. She set the cup in front of him before taking a long sip from her milk.

She looked at him over the rim.

_She's testing me,_ he thought morosely.

He was just going to have to trust her, fuck, but he trusted her the least of all the Noah.

All eyes were on him and he gulped nervously. She wouldn't pull a poisoning stunt in front of the others, at least that's what he was betting on as he took a small sip. Her eyes lightened once he set the cup down.

"Two lumps of sugar with a dash of milk, correct?" He nodded and his heart rate returned to normal, having detected nothing out of the ordinary in the tea. He sighed with relief while trying not to show how relieved he was.

Fuck this place could be scary sometimes.

"You seem tired Neah, is something bothering you?" Analyse asked quietly as he took another more confident sip from his tea. God he loved tea, it was the one thing in his life that was consistently wonderful and delicious every time. Rhode immediately jumped on this.

"Yeah Neah, you've been pretty spacey the last few weeks, is it your shoulder? Cause we can get some medicine for you or help you out-"

"Yeah, big brother, don't be so down! You know what you need, is a massage! I think we all need to go out and get massages!" Shohei just nodded at him as he held his tea. Neah rubbed his neck, he was touched and more than a little surprised that they cared so much. He spent so little time in their company that he sometimes forgot how close the Noah family could be.

And he could be a part of this if he wanted.

"Shohei, remember when we went and got massages that one time and that cute Italian guy was being so sweet to me and you got jealous and we ended up burning the place down-" Neah put his head in his hands as he watched the craziness ensue.

Sure they were nuts and had the morals of a box of dynamite, but they were family.

He sat and made light chatter for a while, he watched as Shohei discreetly poured his lukewarm tea over the small fire that had sprung up on the table from Saoirse's vibrant storytelling. He laughed at Rhode's playful naiveté about the real world and helped Saoirse when she won the 'how many cookies can you stuff in your mouth' contest and ended up choking. Analyse merely sat there without a fleck of emotion taking it all in.

What a crowd ladies and gentlemen.

Three cups of tea later and Neah was still there thoroughly enjoying himself. Somehow he had ended up with the Earl's hat on him and he imagined he looked quite silly. Even Analyse looked marginally happy as she poured herself some more milk. Rhode looked down at the table suddenly interrupting Saoirse's story about her human siblings and looked down at the table with a bashful smile. She stared into her empty teacup as she rolled it around in her hands.

"Neah, I have a mission in a few weeks to Algiers and since I never like going alone, I was wondering if you would like to go with me?" She looked up at him with her big golden eyes and the chocolate smudge on her left cheek. "Pretty please? Denis says you're really good on missions. It'll be fun I promise."

He turned to the ceiling as he thought it over. A mission, as a Noah?

The only missions he'd gone on for the Earl was that first Innocence mission and the two times with Denis. All three were awful and very nearly ended in disaster. But each time he had been trying to protect his secrets, if he just… forgot about all that, a mission should be a breeze.

He should at least give it a try, after all, how bad could it be with sweet little Rhode with him?

"Sure, I'd love to, can you tell me what we are doing?" He asked good naturedly, taking another sip of tea.

"We have to wipe out a small town there, Casa something or other. It was filled with thieves and ruffians loyal to the Earl, but one of them sold information to the Black Order. The Earl says we need to eradicate them all before they all turn, it'll be real quick, in and out. I don't think they'll put up too much of a fight." She said through mouthfuls of cookies. He very nearly spat out his tea.

Fuck, is this what the Earl had Rhode doing in her spare time? That was goddamn child abuse.

Analyse studied him intensely, gaging his reaction. He swallowed a lump in his throat running over all the conversations he'd had today. He lingered the longest on Hassan and his beaten voice asking him why he cared for humanity so much. Neah bit his lip, why did he care? What did they ever do for him besides give him headaches and heartaches? He thought of Lizzy and the rest was easy.

"W-well it sounds like you could use a hand over there, I would be glad to lend you a hand." He said calmly, taking another sip, trying not to think about what he had just agreed to. Saoirse choked on the cookie she had in her mouth and stood up wildly, leaning forward on the table.

"You're actually going! I thought you didn't like killing humans." She shouted, both he and Analyse grimly wiped the bits of moist cookie off their faces. He couldn't really blame her though; he'd done everything in the past to avoid missions in general. He'd never before taken a human life by his own hands. He smiled.

"Of course, it's my duty as a Noah to help the Earl in any way I can. I've had a lot of time to think and I think I'm starting to understand what's important, about my part in this war." Rhode stood up as well, a wide grin growing on her face.

"I have to tell the Earl, he'll be so happy Neah. It'll be so much fun, it'll be like a party or like that one time you took me to the theatre-" Saoirse had already run from the room shouting loudly that they finally had another brother; Shohei quietly thanked them for the tea and followed her.

Rhode squealed and tore out of the room, presumably in the direction of the Earl's study once again leaving he and Analyse alone. He poured himself another cup of tea with an extra sugar added; he will most certainly be accosted all during dinner so he might as well prepare himself.

"It seems you have made your decision, the wisest choice I might add." Analyse said quietly as she finished her glass of milk. Neah frowned and gave her a non-committal shrug. He honestly was more confused than ever, he just thought that he might as well give the Noah a chance. But the buried voice of his conscious informed him that if he completed this mission, there would be no going back to the Order or the human world for that matter.

He grimaced at the thought and took a large swig of his near cold tea. What had he gotten himself into now? Damn his Inner Noah and its very persuasive arguments. He was snapped out of his thoughts as Analyse set down her glass and slowly walked toward him. She stood behind him and put her dainty white hands on his shoulders. He tensed almost against his will.

"I know how you must feel Neah and I know how hard it is to forsake your peace of mind. But you have made the right decision. We are your real family Neah, this is where you belong." She gently kneaded her fingers into his shoulders.

"I could have told the Earl of your… acquaintances a long time ago, but I didn't. I didn't because I saw something in you I felt we could use in our war. You have an understanding of the Order and the humans that we can use to our advantage." He gulped; he couldn't sell out the Order, his friends, could he? She leaned down close to ear, close enough to feel her curly, black hair brush against his cheek.

"You hesitate, but we can offer you so much more than the Order could ever hope to give you." She purred. He felt his breath shorten. Before he could even think a reply to such a sultry statement, she quickly erected herself. Once her wave of hair was removed from his vision, he could see the Earl standing proudly in the doorway.

"My darling little Analyse, I know you are anxious to talk to your brother. But, if it wouldn't be too intrusive, may I ask for Neah alone for a minute?" She bowed deeply and quickly exited the room, the lightest blush visible on her normally stoic face.

The Earl stood in the doorway for a moment before entering regally, at odds with Lero casually thrown over his shoulder. The impulse to run danced across Neah's mind before he reminded himself that he was about to be commended or so he hoped. Neah winced as the Earl placed a gentle hand on his head and ran his small fingers through the tangle that was his hair.

"So Rhode tells me you wish to go on a mission with her; a dirty mission that involves killing a lot of humans, very bad traitorous humans, but humans none the less." Neah nodded slowly despite his uncertainties.

The Earl continued to pet him like a dog, a dog that had finally learned to perform a trick after so long.

"I must admit I am surprised, delighted, but surprised. Do you know what you have just signed up for pet?" Neah looked up at the grinning face, for once free of plotting malice and instead only found honest concern. Analyse was right, this was his family; these people could care for him in a way no other human ever could. And what could the exorcists give him?

"I understand my Lord; I want to do this, I want to help you and the rest of the family in any way I can. I-I'm still not sure about this whole Noah thing, about what I'm supposed to do, but I'm willing to give it a try." The Earl dropped the hand from his head and gently traced it down his face until he was holding Neah's chin.

Was it his imagination or were there tears in his eyes?

"Neah-pet, you make me so proud. Adjusting to life as a Noah can be difficult at times, but I can assure you that you will find your place soon enough just by being yourself. I'm glad to see you becoming more social, your siblings have missed you terribly." With an affectionate pat on the cheek, the Earl turned and walked out the door, Lero now being swung side to side.

"Two Tuesdays from now at six o clock you leave for Casablanca to destroy every traitorous human living there. I anxiously await your report of the event and of your feelings regarding your loyalties. Now come along, dinner will be served shortly and we have much to discuss."

And just like that, Neah was alone.

Even his Inner Noah, seemingly satisfied, was strangely quiet leaving Neah only with his thoughts. He had probably just sold his soul to the devil, or the next best thing anyway. But thinking back to the conversations of the Noah he had today, he realized that might not be that bad.

He drained the rest of his tea and left for dinner with his family.

**DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM**

Cross felt awful.

This wasn't just a 'shit, I messed up' kind of awful, this was more like a black hole sucking any feeling other guilt and hopelessness. He hadn't slept in a week, seven fucking days and he was feeling every moment of it. He was running solely on determination and a shitload of coffee.

And Lizzy, poor Lizzy. Lizzy was inconsolable.

She'd barely spoken a word since Neah had left eight days ago and it had broken his heart to see her look around each time the door opened, hoping to see _him_ walking in. Hell, even Cross himself felt his gaze being pulled toward the door every now and again as if expecting Neah to saunter in any moment.

To be honest, Cross hadn't thought Neah had actually meant it.

He had thought that the renegade Noah was pissed about something, let his anger and quite possibly his Inner Noah get the best of him and came up here to vent his rage through cruel words and some violence.

Cross had expected to see his friend the next day armed with a sheepish grin and an apology.

Cross sat in the science department for hours that day waiting for Neah and his request for forgiveness. It had never occurred to him that Neah wasn't coming back until he woke up there the next morning all alone in the cold room. He yawned as he glanced over at Lizzy and the dazed look on her face as she corrected a young student's aim. He couldn't think about this now, they simply didn't have the time.

They needed to get these kids trained, after all, you never knew when the Noah would attack.

"Wally Welles! Slow down, we all know you're fast, but you're going to hit someone." He shouted across the room at the impetuous parasitic child. The boy shouted an apology and slowed to a slightly more reasonable pace. How on earth did Master put up with this every day?

Once again lacking trained exorcists, Master had pressed him and Lizzy for help training the young, inexperienced Accommodators. Normally one General was enough handle the kids, but these kids needed to be trained and battle ready _now_. The Order needed all the help it could get to train the young students.

They had been resting when Master approached them, asking for their help. Cross had been about to decline, saying that they were exhausted as it was, but Lizzy spoke for them and agreed. He supposed he could understand her feelings, after all, if she was working then she didn't have to think about her crumbling life.

He rubbed his eyes trying to get them to focus; dammit he was going to start hallucinating soon if he didn't get some sleep. He could see his Master across the room look up at the two of them every few minutes or so. He could only imagine how terrible they looked, but sheer desperation prevented them from being sent to bed for some rest.

They were losing more exorcists by the day and if he was going to be honest with himself, the war would be lost if this kept up much longer.

"Um Cross, I can't hold my concentration for very long, can you help me?" he looked down to see a Swedish girl, Lisbeth something or other, look up at him with wide blue eyes and a quiet, unassuming smile.

Jesus Christ, she couldn't be more than ten years old.

He wasn't sure he wanted to win this damn war if they achieved it by sending kids like her to their deaths. But obedience isn't something that can be dropped over night, so he set to helping her prepare to kill the enemy.

As he did, he wondered what Neah was doing now.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Lizzy stretched in the rare moment she wasn't helping someone. Very few of these kids were prepared to leave the Order, much less battle innumerable hordes of Akuma. Though truth be told, she and Cross weren't really ready on their first trip out. She smiled a little at the thought as she tucked some hair behind her ear.

Both of them had been passable, advanced for trainees but lacking in strength and experience necessary to be an exorcist. But that awful trip had been valuable in more than one way, they had seen their first death, learned what it meant to work together, became friends with Ne-

She bit her lip to stop the tears that wanted to fall. Oh God, she couldn't think about that right now or she was going to collapse and cry right there.

_But that wouldn't set a good example to set for the students now would it?_ She thought bitterly as she took a deep breath and steadied herself. She was still young and trying to find her own place in the world without being a role model to kids half her age.

She was so tired, so tired of trying to keep the Order functioning, tired of the overwhelming pressure, tired of constantly being left behind by loved ones.

God she just wanted to sleep and wake up and have all of this craziness be over or, better yet, not wake up at all and just drift into the open abyss. She heard a voice behind her call her name and she turned expectantly, oh Neah, she'd missed him so muc-

"-zy, Master told me to come over and see if you were- oh shit, what happened to you?" It was Marilee Jones, hair a little longer and face a little wiser, but Lizzy would recognize those self-important baby blue eyes anywhere. Lizzy tried not to look as disappointed as she felt as she studied her former charge.

"I could ask you the same question, I bet the boys love those dark circles gathering under your eyes." Marilee still being Marilee wrinkled her nose in a little pout and crossed her arms as she said something along the lines of 'none of your damn business' only not as polite. Lizzy couldn't help the smile.

Charming as always.

Sadly, Lizzy didn't have time or the energy to banter with the younger girl; she had exorcists to train and a missing friend to wait for. "Alright Marilee, um Alice Carroll could use help over there with her materialization and Maddie Cogburn can't seem to synch with her rifle and-"

"I didn't come here to help you babysit a bunch of brats. Master sent me here because you look like you're about to die. And while I certainly don't care if you work yourself to death, the Order can't afford to lose you. Controlling, obnoxious, know-it-alls bitches are hard to come by these days it seems."

Lizzy felt the corners of her mouth twitch up in a smirk, the first in a long time, Neah used to smirk a lot. She brought her hand to her forehead as if it would stop these traitorous thoughts from bubbling up in her mind. She had to stop thinking like that, it only made things harder and then she'd never get through the day.

"While I appreciate your, oh pardon me, _Master's_ concern; I have far too much to do before I can even think about resting. There's a lot that needs to be done by this evening and worrying about my health is not going to get anything done any faster. If you're that concerned, grab a kid and start mentoring." Marilee frowned and was quiet for a moment. Lizzy was about to turn from her and assist yet another needy student when Marilee suddenly spoke again.

"'You're not perfect'." The younger girl had a look of stark stubbornness in her eyes as she spoke with quiet certainty.

"That's what you told me when we went on our mission together. I took that to heart and started training hard so I could get as close to perfect as I could, as close as I could to you." Lizzy raised an eyebrow in legitimate surprise; she had been under the impression that Marilee wasn't that fond of her or her skills, so this revelation was unexpected to say the least. She opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off again.

"But you're not perfect. You get tired, you get frustrated, you lose faith and you feel like giving up sometimes. You're an exorcist, but you're human first. Innocence is a weapon from God, given to humans to combat the Millennium Earl. You may be an overbearing, stringent, controlling bitch, but you've got more heart, brains and skills than most people will see in several lifetimes. In a lot of people's opinions, you yourself are worth more than any piece of crystal from God." Marilee broke off her stare to glare heartily at the poor, undeserving floor. Lizzy couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"Marilee, I-"

"Not that I care or anything, but don't push yourself so hard; the Order, we can't afford to lose you. If not for yourself, then do it for all the people who rely on you." With that, the adolescent girl spun on her heels and stalked away with as much dignity as her blushing face could muster. Lizzy smiled softly.

"Marilee?" The girl turned back, "thank you." The girl stuck out her lower lip as her blush spread.

"Well what the hell are you thanking me for? Master told me to say that to you in hopes he could get another hour of work out of you before you fell over. You know what a sap he can be." She then flipped her platinum hair and kept on walking, never once looking back.

Lizzy tuned out the pleading cries of needy students surrounding her as she watched the proud but surprisingly caring girl walk away_. I think,_ Lizzy thought serenely to herself_, I did alright by that girl._

Though Lizzy wouldn't live to see it, Marilee would end up becoming a talented exorcist for the Order and a mentor to many young students. There had even been whispers after Lizzy's death that Marilee would become the first female general in Lizzy's place. Whether or not she shared in her mentor's ambitions, Marilee would meet her untimely death at the young age of eighteen while defending some comrades from an Akuma.

The trainees under her mourned her just as Marilee had mourned her own mentor many years before.

Lizzy knew better than anyone else that she wasn't perfect, but having it told to her face made her really acknowledge it. N-Neah had told her that himself not too long ago at the hospital with Jane. She knew she was working herself to death and she knew that she could only keep it up for so long.

But she had people who were concerned, people who cared whether she lived or died.

She thought of all the people in her life: Jane, Master, Mana and all the kind faced exorcists she worked alongside day in and day out, even Marilee seemed to care.

And then there was Cross, Maria a-and Neah.

She fought back the onslaught of tears. She knew in her heart that Neah still cared for them, which is why she kept on waiting for him to come back.

Her friends were her whole world, they were her family now that her parents had left her. She would do just about anything to hold them all in her arms, to keep them away from the cruelties of this world and they could just be happy.

She loved them; she loved them all so much it hurt. She quickly wiped away the stray tear that escaped from her eye. She wouldn't give up on her friends just yet.

She would continue to believe in love and she would wait for the ones she cared for to return to her. She believed in them and she believed in herself.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Cross spat some water out of his mouth and turned to glare down at the young boy. The boy, Huckleberry Clemons, grinned ruefully up at him through his crooked teeth. Cross sighed; it was an accident, the kid was just inexperienced and a little too impatient for his own good.

"Huck, you need to concentrate more. Think smarter, not harder. Just take a minute and try and get a feel your Innocence." The young boy nodded and ran off to practice. "And don't drown anyone if you can help it." The boy gave a wave of acknowledgment as he ran. Cross rolled his eyes and smirked.

These kids may suck, but they were determined and were trying really hard.

The main problem he was finding was that the kids were having a hard time synchronizing with their Innocence. They couldn't understand it and thus were unable to find a stable wavelength to connect to. He fingered Judgment in his holster; he'd never had trouble synchronizing.

He and his weapon had both intuitively understood each other having spent much of their time alone.

Synchronization couldn't be forced; it took more than concentration and effort to link Innocence and Accommodator. What these kids really needed was to be slowly allowed to understand the nature of their Innocence, maybe have a chaperoned mission like he had with Lani.

But there simply wasn't time.

He watched as some students struggled to control their Innocence with looks of absolute concentration and sweat beading on their faces. But Innocence wasn't something that could be controlled. Innocence wasn't meant to be dominated. It was a relationship of mutual trust and respect, a give and take as one relied completely on the abilities of the other to see oneself through troubled times… kind of like a friendship.

He groaned, _sweet Lord not again._

Neah may not have been here, but his presence could be felt just as plainly as if he were standing right next to him. Now that Neah was gone, Cross's perverse mind had begun a mental list of all his friend's habits that Cross hadn't thought about for before but now suddenly seemed really important.

Like how when Neah was nervous, he tapped piano chords on any solid surface he could find or his miraculous ability to smile in even the most depressing of situations. Everything from his witty sarcasm and the friendly brawls they used to have, his deft fingers which were able to fix anything from a rusty piano to complicated machines. Even the damned look of delighted hope on his face when he finally found where it was he needed to go after getting lost.

Cross never took his only guy friend for granted, but he sure as hell appreciated him a lot more now that he wasn't here. He frowned, even though they hadn't been together that long, he was pressed to actually remember a time before Neah was around, or Lizzy and Maria for that matter. It gave him relief in a way, to not think about the person he had been before and who he undoubtedly would have become without them.

He knew that at one point, he was no one special.

He had hard eyes and a large chip on his shoulder and no one to call a friend. He was bitter, mistrustful and only lived to go on missions, work in the science department and sleep sometime in between. It was quite the depressing existence now that he thought about it, but he hadn't known any better back then. Up until then, the only people who were actually nice to him were the people in the science department and his Master.

And then Neah came along and Cross began to understand just a little bit more what the world was like. He saw how absolutely amazing his female shooting rival was and he was startled to realize just how lonely he had been before they came along.

And he never wanted to go back to that, that stagnating life of mindless obedience.

His friends opened his eyes not only to the truth of the world, but of humanity in general. You can live by yourself and get through life just fine; but if you wanted to be something, to really make a difference in your miserable existence, you needed other people to help you grow.

He turned again to observe the children working hard to direct their Innocence and he realized they were going about it all wrong.

He'd been a decent enough exorcist before and he'd been at the top of his class, but that was really only because the rest of the kids sucked so badly. He never improved; he only began to use his weapon to its full potential once he began to know himself. He'd come a long way from then and, while he still wasn't perfect, he was pretty damn proud of the person he'd become.

And it was all thanks to a goddamn Noah who had too much heart for his own good.

He showed Cross what he could be and opened him up to something he'd been missing, happiness. Cross clenched his fists in determination.

Lizzy was right.

They couldn't just let him go; he owed that bastard way too much to just let him flush his soul down the drain. Neah had once shown him what it meant to be human and Cross was bound and determined to do the same. He went through the rest of the day with restless impatience filling him. His exhaustion fell off of him easily and he moved in quick, spirited steps as he filled with hope and determination.

Oh yes, they'd rescue Neah from the black life he had condemned himself to.

That was what friends did after all.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Lizzy lay in bed that night, fatigued, exhausted, worn out, drained, just plain tired and still unable to sleep… again. She moaned and threw a bruised arm over her eyes, she couldn't keep this up any longer. She couldn't lie here every night and pray for rest that never seemed to come.

She missed Neah; she wanted him back so badly. But what could she do? Storm Edo and drag him back by his hair? And would he come back if she did that? Did he even care anymore? All the encouraging words she had told herself earlier slowly peeled away revealing her old, familiar fears.

Suppose he never came back and she was left alone? What if he did come back, but this time as an invader with the Earl and his Akuma behind him? What would she do if he had her cornered with those cold and cruel golden eyes she had seen on him the last time tearing her apart?

She didn't know what she would do if that happened.

Neah would know what to do if he were here, he would smile and pat her hair maybe even give her forehead a light kiss and tell her not to worry. God she would anything to hear his voice again. She sighed and prepared for another night without sleep and another night in which Neah didn't return. She jumped as she heard her door slowly open, her heart thumped in her chest as she sat up quickly.

Oh my God, did he come back?

"It seems you couldn't sleep either and no, it's not Neah if that's who you're expecting." Her heart sank, it was only Cross. She frowned, why should she be disappointed? She cared for Cross just as much as Neah. _But Cross didn't leave,_ her mind thought morosely as her heart slowed down to a more reasonable pace.

Cross quietly slipped into her room, closed the door and took the seat next to her. She reached over for the lamp, ready to help relieve him of his nightmares when he stopped her. "No, leave it off." She looked warily at his shadow, but complied regardless and settled back into her bed.

It wasn't unheard of for Cross to come in the middle of the night to talk, but there was something a bit unusual about this particular visit. It was quiet as they sat and stared at their shadows, quite except for the sounds of Cross's nervous twitching.

"We can't let him go Lizzy; we can't let him do this to himself," he said suddenly. Ah, now she understood. His voice had an excited quality that she didn't normally hear at this hour or at any hour really.

It had been a while since she'd heard him this fired up.

Even though she couldn't really see him, her mind's eye could see his eyes twinkling with a dozen crazy plans and his hands twitching from a desire for action. She wondered what had gotten him so riled up this late at night and what it had to do with Neah. She ruffled her tangled hair and tried to think of how to explain the situations hopelessness to him.

"Cross, I understand how you feel, but what can we do?" She asked. She wanted Neah back just as badly, but she had kind of resigned herself to miserably waiting.

"Anything and everything. We could build a device to talk to him, we could send him a message, we could go straight into the heart of the Earl's lair and drag his sorry ass back. But whatever we do, we can't just sit back and let this shit happen Lizzy. We need immediate action to get him back." His voice rose in excited whispers as he leaned forward expectantly. Cross was only alive when he was planning something crazy and bot was he ever alive now.

This had revitalized him and now it was threatening to do the same to her.

Her body warmed at the thought of action. Even before Neah had left, they had fallen into a bit of a rut of following the Order's ridiculous rules; they had been driving themselves mad chasing their tails in circles while getting absolutely nowhere.

B-but they could do something, they had to, they couldn't just let their friend go. Something in the neighborhood of a smile, the first real one in a long while, appeared on her face as she let her hopes rise to dangerous levels.

They could do this. They had to, for Neah's sake.

"What do you recommend?" She asked, taking note of the eagerness leaking into her own voice.

"Well, knowing Neah the way I do, I'm guessing he's starting to waver a little bit in Edo. He's just too nice to become loyal to the Earl because of one stupid fight. I say we start off with our usual signal, as a way to show that we miss him and we want to talk." She nodded enthusiastically.

Why hadn't they thought of that before? _Because they'd given up, _her mind answered bleakly. She wanted to get up and move, do something, anything to get Neah back. Even if they died trying, Neah would come , come back to the place where he belonged. She yawned, the sudden burst of energy had exhausted her and, for once, she felt like she could finally sleep. Cross stood up to leave but she grabbed his hand.

"Don't, I-I don't want to be alone." He shifted uncomfortably, but she only held his hand tighter. He reluctantly lay down beside her and she cuddled into the long forgotten warmth of another human body. He relaxed after a minute and they spoke in hushed whispers until they eventually drifted off.

They would get Neah back, they didn't have any fancy machines or even a plan to do that, all they needed was their friendship and their faith.

* * *

_No one knows what it's like_

_To be the bad man_

_To be the sad man_

_Behind blue eyes. ~ The Who_

* * *

Everyone just relax, everything has a purpose, that's all I'm going to say. I like this chapter as I like exposing the feelings and the consequences of the characters' actions in the last few chapters. No, Neah is not a complete and absolute jackass and Cross and Lizzy are not sitting around crying, it just shows the complexity and ever changing emotions of people coming into themselves. It's my favorite part about writing is the ability to paint a person using words to capture a feeling, a thought, a moment. So I apologize for those of you who dislike these quieter scenes that don't drop any big plot bombs, but instead work on developing the characters thoughts to explain aforementioned plot bombs. There'll be a few more of these before this story is done, so bear with me. I think the song works well for this chapter (you see those lyrics at the top and bottom? yeah, they've been in every chapter thus far). I work hard to find appropriate songs and I really do think-despite what my lazy and non-music loving beta claims- they add something to the story by setting the mood. But that's just me.

Reviews are always appreciated, criticisms welcomed and questions usually answered within a reasonable amount of time.

Until next Tuesday, have a nice week and please don't hate on Neah too much, he's having a bad week.

_Behind Blue Eyes_ (c) the Who (Not the Limp Bizkit version please, the original is far superior)


	14. All Things Must Pass

_Disclaimer: I do not own any part of D. Gray-man nor any of its characters. I can only close my eyes and quietly play dress up with said characters in my head and hope I'm not desecrating Hoshino Katsura's work too much._

For those of you who care, Author's Notes will be at the end of every chapter and any and all questions will be gleefully answered if asked.

**QUICK NOTE: DUE TO THE RECENT DGM CHAPTERS, FROM THIS POINT ON THIS STORY IS AU.**

* * *

_Sunrise doesn't last all morning_

_A cloudburst doesn't last all day_

_Seems my love is up and has left you with no warning_

_It's not always going to be this grey_

* * *

Neah lay in bed that night and stared at nothing, hoping that the answer to all of his troubles would embed itself into his ceiling. He kept going over each conversation with the Noah over in his head, analyzing them for hints, clues, anything that would be able to help him understand what he was going through.

What should he do? Ug, where was a burning bush when you needed one?

He freely admitted that he was perchance a bit hasty in agreeing to go on that mission with Road, but he wasn't sure he could get out of it now. The Earl and the Noah had been so excited about it the last few days, giving him advice and tips and just congratulating him on having finally grown a spine. He sighed as no ghostly writing appeared on his wall with the solution and he rolled to his side, clutching his pillow tightly.

He was still upset at his friends, mad at how they had treated him, but was he mad enough to completely abandon them and join the opposing side?

He frowned, well what did he owe them? He didn't need to ask their opinion for everything he did, he was above all that. He buried his face into his pillow and groaned. What was he thinking? They were still his friends and, however much his Inner Noah tried to dissuade him, he still cared for them.

He wasn't ready to pick a side; he still wasn't sure what he wanted yet. But the lines had to be drawn, he had to join either the Earl or the exorcists and whatever decision he made… there would be no going back.

He letting go of his pillow, he rolled back onto his back and rubbed at his eyes with his palms. God this sucked. He liked it better when life was simple, when he didn't have to deal with the Earl or the exorcists or any of this crazy war.

Back when he could just ride the trains with Mana and not have to worry about anything but finding a place to sleep for the night. He smiled and closed his eyes thinking back to those wonderful faraway times he hadn't appreciated until they were long gone like a train barreling on down the tracks...

**DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM**

_Fifteen year old Neah Walker slowly blinked himself awake as the dreary English sun reached his eyes. He moaned as he sat up off the hard wooden floor, ignoring the unpleasant way his back popped. He slowly shook the remnants of a nightmare from his mind and by the time he was sitting up, the Millennium Earl's grinning face was gone from his mind until the next time the dream would come upon him._

_His fingers fumbled automatically for his beaten pocket watch and flipped it open, six thirty nine. He yawned one last time and, taking care not to disturb his older brother, got up and began his morning routine. He observed the sun rising triumphantly over the steel platted railway station glinting luminously off the tracks like a golden tidal wave. It was beautiful really. _

_And he hated it, hated it with every fiber of his being. _

_He hated not knowing when and where he would sleep and eat every night, he hated spending half of his time begging in the streets for spare coins like a vagrant and most of all, he was sick and bloody tired of Mana telling him how freaking wonderful it all was. _

_Neah sighed as he changed into another shirt, one of three he had with him. He didn't have to be here, he knew that, but traveling with Mana miserable was better than sitting at home miserable and alone._

_He folded his nightshirt as best he could and stuffed it into their shared bag. Mana was the only family he had now that mum and dad were travelling once again. His eye was drawn westward where his home, his real home, lie abandoned. He wondered if they were there now, home for a few days before they went off on another trip, or if they even wanted to come back at a- _

_No, don't think about it. _

_He combed his hair with his fingers until he was mostly satisfied, he may have been poor and homeless but that didn't mean he had to dress like it. Picking up a tattered book he'd read many times before, he settled himself down for a few hours of reading. He had about three hours before the train left again so he had plenty of time. _

_He always forgot how much he loved the story that the time flew by faster than he would have liked. He almost missed the bell, so involved was he in his book that he completely lost track of time. _

_He didn't even notice how much time had passed until the warning whistle blew, he looked up with concern, shit he only had ten minutes to wake Mana and get their stuff off the train before it headed all the way down to Gloucester. He threw down his book and stumbled over to Mana who was still fast asleep. Neah kicked his brother roughly in the ribs; Mana merely groaned and rolled over. Neah groaned in agitation, he didn't have time to be nice today._

"_Mana, Mana wake up! Come on the train's leaving, we need to go!" Mana answered with a loud snore and a listless swat of the hand. Neah growled in frustration, damn Mana and his sleeping habits. They didn't have time for this. _

_Thinking quickly he jumped off the train and ran into the station, where the last people were filing onto the train, he had to act fast. Reentering their car with the desired item, he silently prepared himself for the wrath of his much larger brother. He then poured the whole glass of water over his brother's head with little ceremony. _

_Mana immediately sat up and spurted, his wide searching eyes locked onto Neah with a glare that would've melted iron. Neah held up his hands in surrender, the offending object still in his hand as he tried to explain._

"_I'm sorry Mana, but you left me no choice, the train is leaving and you wouldn't wake up and Mana Walker, age seventeen shakily stood to his feet paying no attention to the words spilling from his little brother's mouth. _

_All he knew what there was hell to pay for his little brother's transgressions. _

_A minute later found Neah uncomfortably acquainted with the floor of the car with Mana applying a choke hold above. The train lurched forward and Mana's long tresses shook as he looked up, he turned down to shoot Neah a look of surprised anger._

"_The train's fucking moving, shit, we don't have time for this. Dammit Neah, we need to go." Neah rolled his eyes and plucked himself from the ground as he got his breath back; there really was no use arguing with him sometimes. _

_They grabbed all their worldly belongings of two bags and a towel and hopped of the train just as its speed was beginning to pick up. They sat on the ground for a moment watching their home for the last week fade off into the distance. _

_Mana yawned loudly as he scratched his head; he gave Neah a hearty smack upside the head. The few passengers around them gave them a wide berth._

"_Christ Neah, thanks to you we almost crossed half the country, think next time will ya?" Neah rubbed his head, but made no comments. Sometimes it was best just to remain quiet, his head couldn't take anymore beatings without resulting in permanent brain damage. _

_Mana stood up, stretched and looked ready to confront the day despite being dressed only in his underwear. Honestly, what an example his big brother set._

"_Today is going to be a good day brother." Mana said, his eyes twinkling with mischief as he extended a hand out for Neah. He smiled and accepted the help up; Mana said that every morning, but it never failed to lift his spirits. Neah answered with his usual reply._

"_Okay brother, I'm following you." Mana was looking for work, he was handsome, strong and likable, that combined with his status and education he could've gotten any number of high paying jobs. _

_But no. _

_Mana was picky; he wanted to join the circus. _

_Neah dragged his feet along after his brother. _He obviously didn't learn his lesson the last time he ran off to the circus, _he thought bitterly. But who was he to complain? Mana had practically raised him, he was more like a father to Neah than a brother and he would follow Mana to the ends of the earth just to be with him. _

_So Neah didn't say a word when Mana rejected many well-paying, stable jobs, he didn't make a fuss over their dodgy lifestyle, he even didn't whine when he was forced to get a job, or worse beg, to get money for food._

_The way he saw it, he owed Mana a lifetimes worth of love, care and understanding. _

_Neah followed Mana closer as they entered the less glamorous part of town. He couldn't help it, he grew up in a wealthy family in a nice neighborhood, he was of course nervous to see filthy, decaying bodies stare at them as they walked. Mana reached for his hand and spoke soothingly._

"_It's okay Neah; we've done this a million times before. I won't let anything happen to you." They managed to get through the neighborhood without incident and soon enough came upon the circus the station master had told them about. Mana grinned and slicked back his hair. _

_He let go of Neah's hand to adjust his shirt; of course, cool guys were never caught holding their little brother's hands. He slid up to the ticket counter where a bored young lady lazily flipped through a book, she didn't even look up. _

_Mana gave her what he referred to as his 'professional smile' and leaned toward her._

"_Excuse me love, my name is Mana Walker and I do believe your circus is in need of my services. I'm willing to lend this charming place my abilities as a clown, for a reasonable price that it, may I speak to your superior?" She turned a page in her book._

"_How old are you boys?" she asked without a shed of emotion._

"_Why I'm nearly twenty six, my darling brother here is twenty three." Neah smiled like Mana had taught him but dropped it at the dirty feeling it gave him. The woman finally looked up at them over her book and giving them a once over, she returned to her story._

"_Right, I'll tell Kurtz that Mana Walker, age seventeen and his darling brother, age sixteen would like to see him." Mana frowned and leaned back. _

_Since mum and dad were never around, Mana had to do everything and he often couldn't provide because he was underage and not taken seriously. Neah never liked how badly Mana tried to grow up, but understood that it was a necessary evil in a world where they were on their own._

"_Actually I'm only fifteen." Neah winced as Mana elbowed him in the gut; he was just trying to help. The girl smiled and, licking her thumb to turn a page, she pointed to a large tent across the field._

"_Kurtz will see you kids now, he'll see if he can help you." Mana nodded curtly and dragged Neah over to the tent. Mana practically threw him to the ground with all of their baggage. He gave Neah a chastising glare that was supposed to inspire obedience. _

_But Mana should have known better._

_Neah would never willingly go against Mana; he revered his brother above all earthy things. _

"_Okay Neah, I'm going to go in and talk to the nice man, now you stay put and don't leave with anyone who isn't me. I'll be back out later and we'll decide what to do then. Do you understand?" Neah rolled his eyes, how old did Mana think he was? Five? _

_He didn't press the subject and instead sat watching the strange people go by. As the minutes ticked by slowly, he found himself once again wondering what his mum and dad were doing right now. Were they still traveling as well? Were they also thinking about him? He smiled at the thought of his mother's pretty brown wavy hair and his father's hearty laugh. He missed them so much; he wondered when they would get back. _

_What if they never came back? _

_Neah frowned and decided that Mana had been gone for far too long. He flipped open his watch, a gift from his dad for his birthday two years ago, and saw that over an hour had passed. He leaned his head against the tent and groaned, what the hell was Mana doing in there? _

_He pulled out Mana's switchblade and played with it out of sheer boredom. He smiled as he watched the setting sun glisten off the polished metal similar to how it had looked this morning at the train station. Mana never liked him playing with the knife, but he obeyed Mana on everything else and besides, he was practically grown up as it was. He was thoughtlessly rubbing the sharp blade against his fingers when he heard the shuffling of feet coming from inside the tent. _

_In his panic to conceal the knife, he accidently cut his ring finger pretty badly. _

_He hissed in pain, but quickly slid the knife back into the bag and shoved his left hand into his pocket. Maybe then Mana wouldn't notice that he had disobeyed him._

_Mana and a tall man stumbled laughing and snorting through their bright red cheeks. Neah grimaced, great they were both drunk. Mana awkwardly patted Neah's head and grinned down at him with too bright eyes._

"_Good news brodder, this fine, fine gentleman had agreed to hire me for the next few weeks. And we even get our own little tent, a whole little world all to ourselves." Neah smiled shyly, a place to stay the night was always good news, but he really didn't like the way the other man was looking at him. The circus owner, Kurtz, appraised Neah like he would a piece of meat. He leaned down and rested a large hand on Neah's upper thigh causing him no end of discomfort._

"_And what about you young man? Do you have any special talents I should know about?" Mana stopped his laughing and turned to glare at the man, his eyes sharply coming to attention. No matter how drunk he was, his big brother senses were always on alert. He put a gentle, but firm, hand on the man's shoulder. _

_Neah burned with pride at the look of protection in Mana's eyes, that was his big brother for you._

"_Neah's not involved with the circus, he'll probably get a job in town tomorrow. He's of no interest to you." The man took the hint and removed his hand. Kurtz gruffly pointed out their tent and then faded back into the darkness. Neah sighed in relief as Mana put his arm around his shoulder as they walked away with their bags._

"_Now you stay far, far away from that man alright Neah? I'm serious." Neah nodded and shoved his bloodied hand further into his pocket. Mana was so good to him and he repaid him by disobeying his orders and playing with his knife? He felt so ashamed, he hated disappointing his brother more than anything. _

_They did indeed have a tent all to themselves, but it was less than a quarter the size of the train car they had been riding. Neah threw the bags to the ground taking up fifty percent of the ground space. Mana yawned, either not noticing or not caring about the lack of space, and pulled off his shirt._

"_Alright, well I gotta get up bright and early tomorrow to practice so I'm going to bed. You can do whatever you want while I'm working, but I wouldn't object if you wanted to earn some more money in town. There's still some leftover bread in the blue bag, so if you're hungry grab some while it's still good." Mana settled down on the paper thin mat separating them from the ground, kicking the bags in the process, and looking for all the world content. _

_Neah smiled at his brother and with one hand still hidden from view, he reached for the bread. Mana raised an eyebrow as he watched him but said nothing. Neah ignored his brother's stare as he numbly chewed on the stale bread as he stared at the wall._

"_Mana what happens if mum and dad come home and we're not there?" He asked softly. Mana looked over at him with mild frustration. Neah knew his brother hated to talk about anything related to their parents, but the question had been burning for so long. Mana snorted from his place on the ground._

"_They'll come home, stay for a few nights, pack for their next trip and leave like they always do. They don't give a damn about us, they probably wouldn't even notice if we were there or not." Neah's breath caught. He threw down the bread and stood up causing Mana to start, Neah's heart pounded with anxiety._

"_B-but what if they come home and they see that we're not there a-and they decide to move-to sell the house and travel for good? What if we go back only to find someone else living in our house and them gone for good? How would we find them again Mana? What if we never saw them again?" Neah whined anxiously. Each visit from his parents was like a gift from God, if he were to never see them again… Mana sighed and lay back down on the hard earth. He sat there quite for a minute, staring at the tent's ceiling before turning to him again._

"_Neah, I know you still love them and I know it's hard for you to understand-"_

"_I understand damn well, I know they don't give a flying fuck about us or our lives. I know you used to get that check every month for two hundred pounds to buy food and clothes, I know we're sitting here in this bleeding tent because you're too angry at them to live in their house and accept their charity. I get all that, but I still care and, unlike you, I actually give a damn if I see them again!" Neah shouted angrily, letting four months of anger burst from him. Mana blinked and despite everything started to chuckle._

"_Well we may be in a bleeding tent, but it's a bleeding tent that we have all to ourselves. I mean look at it and the space is unbelievable." Neah watched Mana laugh for another moment before joining in and pretty soon they were laughing so hard they were nearly crying, regaining control they sat in comfortable silence._

"_Don't worry Neah, I know it's hard now, but it'll be alright soon I'll be a millionaire and we'll live in a big fancy house and do and eat whatever we want. And it'll be just the two of us, that is, until I marry some amazingly gorgeous woman and kick you out. But don't worry; I'll build you a guest house in the backyard." He paused for a minute to relish this fantasy before looking at Neah seriously._

"_We'll see them again, whether I want to or not, I promise you. Whenever you want to see them, I will do everything possible to get you there." Neah smiled and quietly lay down next to his brother. He knew he could count on Mana for anything. Mana was always there for him, the only one who was there for him. _

_Even though he hated this life, Neah thinks he could do this forever as long as Mana was here._

"_Say Neah, I meant to ask, why won't you take your hand out of your pocket?" Neah froze, shit, he forgot about the cut. He shook his head and turned away, muttering something incomprehensible. Mana growled and rolled over jerking Neah's arm painfully._

"_Fucking hell Neah, how many times must I tell to stay away from my goddamned knife before you hurt your-" _

_Mana wrenched his hand free, but found nothing there, not even a sliver. _

_Both looked surprised for a moment, Neah reacted quickly and waved his unblemished fingers with a cheeky smile on his face._

"_Made you look." Mana was clearly not amused and mumbling some curse words, he lie back down and soon fell into a rhythmic sleep. Neah stared up at his fingers and examining them closely. He knew he had cut himself, he had felt the blade penetrate, had seen the blood dripping down his palm. _

_But there was simply no way that a cut could have healed so quickly. _

_In the dark, he found nothing out of the ordinary, but still the bad feeling remained. He frowned, disturbed by the darkness welling in his chest. Shaking his head he brushed the worry to the back of his mind where the rest of his Inner Noah lay sleeping and anxiously waiting._

**DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM**

_Mana Walker ran into the hospital as fast as his shaky legs could carry him. He pounded on the front desk and the nurse looked up at his dirty face with impatience and disgust._

"_Sir, I must ask you to step away and wait-"_

"_P-please, I-I need a doctor, I think my little brother is dying. I don't know what's wrong b-but he's in so much pain, I just-" She held up a silencing hand and pushed some papers his way with curt thoughtlessness._

"_Just fill out these forms and we'll see what we can do. You and your brother may have to wait awhile before a doctor is available, so please calm down. You are old enough to sign these aren't you?" Mana puffed up in anger. He leaned forward against the counter right into her face._

"_Yes, I am eight fucking teen and I don't give a damn about you're crappy little forms. My brother needs medical attention right now!" he slammed his fist onto the desk causing the papers to jump. She withdrew quickly._

"_Sir, if you don't calm down I'm going to have to ask you to le-" an excruciating scream broke the conversation. The nurse blanched at the heartrending sound and stood up as if that would make the scream sound any more human. Mana ran back outside where fifteen almost sixteen year old Neah Walker sat on a bench writhing in invisible agony. The nameless clown who had helped get Neah there stood back as Mana got on his knees and stroked his brother's moist black hair._

"_Neah, Neah, just calm down. It's me, I'm here, it'll be alright. Can you show me where it hurts?" Neah only answer was to continue screaming as his body was racked with more horrific spasms. Seeing his only family in such pain was tearing Mana apart from the inside out; he turned to glare at the pale-faced nurse who had followed him out._

"_Can we get some goddamn help around here?" She snapped out of her trance and hurriedly summoned the doctors. Mana held Neah's weak, sweaty hand for as long as he could before he was spirited away into the hospital and, hopefully, to his recovery. Mana and the nurse stood there for a moment in the chill December night, unsure of what to do. Had she not turned to him and spoken, Mana thinks he would have stood there forever staring at the swinging hospital doors._

"_Why don't we go inside? I do need those forms filled out, but I can give you a cup of coffee while you work on them." He nodded listlessly and he stumbled into the hospital unaware, the only think that had his attention right now was the sound of screams echoing through the bleak halls. The nurse gently pushed him into a seat and put a clipboard pull of papers in one hand and a lukewarm cup of coffee in the other. A sigh and a swig of the terrible coffee managed to help him tear his eyes from the hallway where Neah had been taken. He put his head in his hands as he tried to distract himself._

_Mana sat there for a very long time trying to fill out the paperwork, he rubbed at his eyes. Jesus what the fuck was his name again? He probably could've concentrated more had he not been able to hear Neah's heart-wrenching screams through the hospital's thin walls every few minutes or so. _

_The other patients shifted uncomfortably while Mana's hands shook with worry and terror as he tried to remember what the hell Neah's blood type was. Eventually though, the paperwork was finished and Mana was left with nothing but his thoughts and fears. He scratched at his head as he tried to think back to when Neah began acting strange, to when he had failed in his duties as the older brother. _

_Neah had been kind of spacey the last few days, unusually tired and more than a little grumpy. Mana hadn't thought much of it at the time, Neah was a growing boy after all and he'd get through whatever weirdness was going on with him eventually. The only thing that had concerned him were the cross shaped cuts on his forehead that wouldn't stop bleeding. But Mana had thought some bandages and time would solve that. _

_He couldn't ignore it, however, when in the middle of the night at yet another circus they were temporarily calling home, Neah started screaming bloody murder. Mana couldn't figure out what the hell was wrong with the boy, there were no injuries that he could see. But he could see the pain reflected in his brother's eyes just as clearly as a sign. So he woke up an acquaintance and rushed a trembling, sweaty Neah to the nearest hospital. _

_All he could do now was wait._

_Mana jumped as another wave of screams broke through. He gripped the pencil in his hands until it broke under the strain, Mana was certain he would follow suit if he had to listen to this for much longer. He put his head in hands and tried to block out the sounds of his little brother's unmistakable anguish. _

_He loved Neah more than really was appropriate for a brother, but he didn't give a damn, the way he saw it, Neah wasn't just his little brother. Mana had essentially became a parent at the tender age of seven. Mum and dad would leave the house all day and night to shop and attend high-class events leaving five year old Neah in his brother's care. He was at first confused as to this new role, but he immediately began to resent the boat anchor people called his 'darling little brother'. _

_Neah was so needy all the time, was always looking for something do and he followed Mana wherever he went. Mana did everything possible to keep the messy haired boy with the blue blanket away from him. _

_One particular day, when Mana was especially annoyed, he locked little Neah in the closet for a good couple of hours. At first Mana, relieved to be alone at last, had been able to cheerfully go about his day ignoring the ear-splitting screams coming from behind the closet door. _

_After a while, he began to feel pretty guilty. Sure Neah was annoying, but he certainly didn't deserve this. He could only imagine how scared the little guy was alone in the dark like that. Mana then understood with sudden clarity the sophisticated idea that he was doing to Neah exactly what his mum and dad had done to him. _

_He stumbled over to the closet, opened the door and hugged the teary eyed boy until he fell asleep in his arms. _

_Neah never spent another day alone after that. _

_It was hard and he lost a good bit of his childhood doing it, but Mana did his best to take care of Neah. He wasn't a miracle worker of course and he often had to beg the listless nannies for real food and clothes. But despite the tiring life of a parent, Mana felt a burst of love and pride when in the grips of a night terror, Neah would call out to him. He had stopped asking for their parents ages ago when he realized that they would never come. _

_When Mana was nine and Neah seven, their parents were no longer satisfied with taking little day trips every day and with an absentminded pat on the head, they began leaving their boys for days, sometimes weeks at a time. _

_Year after year it went like that, relying solely on each other for support and comfort. Mana would smile whenever mum and dad felt like returning home, but it grew smaller each visit until he finally refused to greet them at all. _

_At age thirteen and sick of the life he'd been living, he decided to run away to the circus to spite his parents. It was the ultimate rebellion and, besides, how hard could it be after all? When he returned home about a week later, dirty, penniless and with a broken spirit, he'd found Neah crying at their doorstep. _

_He clung tightly to Mana for weeks after that, poor Neah thought he'd been left alone again. So after two more years of training, loveless encounters with his parents and restless anticipation, he announced that he would be leaving the house to join the circus for good and Neah could come if he wanted. _

_In that too bright hospital, Mana's hands shook as he recalled the two of them walking out that door. They'd had two bags slung over their shoulders, hands clasped tightly together, walking into the unknown, but walking together. _

_He ran his hand through his tangled hair, Neah was quiet at the moment, but he wasn't foolish enough to believe that it would last. The longest Neah had stayed quiet in the seven hours they had been here had been just under forty minutes. Even though the screaming had stopped for the moment, he could still feel it resonating with painful clarity in his head. _

_He cast a sideways glance to the nurses who staggered around exhausted, unable to rest with Neah's constant cries of pain. _

_His hands fidgeted again. _

_He really should call the circus, apologize and ask for the day off to be with his brother. He'd probably get fired for it, but who gave a damn? _

_There were other towns and other circuses, but there was only one Neah. _

_Mana's brain had yet to touch the subject of what he would do if Neah died here. He just refused to even comprehend that horrifying possibility, the idea that Neah with his wide silver eyes and shy little smile, would no longer be there to follow him wherever he went. _

_Who would, without fail, clap at his every performance no matter how many times he stumbled? Who would be able to read Mana's every temper, every mood, every twitch just as surely as if he'd spoken out loud? Who would keep the long hours at bay and chase away his demons at night when loneliness threatened to kill him? _

_Somewhere in the hospital a young boy began screaming again and Mana resisted the urge to join him._

**DGMDGMDGM**

_He jerked awake sometime later in the day as a nurse tapped his shoulder gingerly. He blinked away as the blinding sun assaulted his vision, just how long had been asleep? A sound, or rather a lack of sound, grabbed his attention. He darted forward in his chair at the lack of screaming. However awful those sounds were, they were the only assurance he had that his little brother was still of this world. Why had he stopped? Was his pain gone or was he-_

_Oh God. _

"_Mr. Walker? While the doctors still aren't sure what was wrong, your brother appears to be in perfect health. He's tired and terribly weak, but it looks like he's going to be just fine. He'd like to see you now, if you're up to it that is." Mana went limp with relief as he brought a hand up to his head to steady himself. _

_Okay, Neah was going to be okay. Mana knelt over in relief, thank God, thank God. _

_He shakily stood up, gripping onto the chair for balance and stumbled into his brother's room just down the hall. Neah looked so small lying there in the bed, he was dreadfully pale and looked exhausted, but he still had same old gleam in his eyes. Mana walked over slowly, avoiding all the various machines and tubes connected to his brother. He fondly stroked his damp hair, Neah gripped his hand._

"_I'm so sorry Mana, I know this has been hard on you, but I'm fine now. Don't worry." Mana shook his head slowly and gave his brother a tender kiss on his forehead._

"_You have nothing to apologize for, I'm just so glad that you're alright. Y-you had me worried there for a minute." Neah smiled, it was small, but it was there._

"_The doctors want to keep me overnight to see if I'll relapse or something. You should really head back to the circus, you should have enough time to practice and make tonight's show. I' should be home tomorrow morning ready for more work." Mana chuckled and gently ruffled Neah's hair. _

"_I already quit that job; I had Big Jim bring our stuff here. I figured anyone who would yell at me to leave you and come back was no one worth working for. I'm going to stay on the couch here until you're better, then we'll hop on the next train to anywhere and see where we end up." Neah opened his mouth to protest, but Mana silenced him with a loving grip on his shoulder that was intended to be reassuring. _

_He could only imagine what the bill for this would be and he hadn't the faintest idea how he was going to pay for it, but he'd figure it out eventually. The important thing was that Neah got better, everything else would work itself out in the long run._

"_Just go to sleep, God knows you need it, we'll talk in the morning-" he glanced at the clock on the wall. _"_Well erm, we'll talk when you wake up. If you need me, I'll be right over here alright?" Neah nodded gratefully as his eyes studied every move he made. _

_Mana wasn't bothered in the least by it; on the contrary, it meant that things were getting back to normal. _

_Mana settled down on the lumpy, too small couch delighted he had been able to convince the doctors to let him stay. It would've killed him to leave Neah here all by himself in the dark; Mana had promised him a long time ago that he would never leave him again. _

**DGMDGMDGM**

_At five o' clock in the afternoon, both of the Walker boys were sound asleep after their trying night. Neah lay on the hospital bed, one hand moving rhythmically up and down with each soft breath he took and his eyes moving lightly under his eyelids. Had Mana been awake, he would have noted it as the onset of a dream and would hope that Neah was at least at peace in unconsciousness. He, however, had no idea what horrors awaited his brother within the confines of his own mind. _

_Neah stood in a broken world. _

_He stood on an uneven cobblestone surface, surrounded by dead, hanging trees._ _In front of him was a murky black sea with a grinning white moon shining a dark light down upon him. He looked around, this place seemed vaguely familiar, like a past dream he'd once had and had since forgotten. As far as he could tell he was alone, he looked around trying to fight down his initial feeling of panic. All he saw was darkness and deep welling blackness that was threatening to consume him._

_Where was Mana? _

_Where was anyone? _

_He'd hated being alone for as long as he could remember, he still could recall that awful week when Mana had left him alone in that enormous house. _

_He shouted into the darkness, but nothing came out. He kicked a rock into the water and the sound of splashing could be heard soon after. He peeked into the water and was just able to make out a ruined city hidden under the surface. What the hell? He leaned closer to get a better look and as the ripples settled down, he was startled to see not himself staring back, but a twisted shadowy figure. _

_He jumped back only to hit something large and squishy. Neah stumbled back and looked up in terror at the demon before him, it had the vague shape of a man but no one would ever mistake it for human. He had large pointed ears and beady eyes and a long white coat. _

_Most disturbing of all was the impossibly large grin tainted with malice as it spoke to him_

"_Well, well, well, what do we have here? Another Noah? What a delightful surprise." He reached out for Neah, but his paralysis had already worn off and he was sprinting away as fast as he could. He fell a few times, but he wouldn't allow himself to stop. _

_He had no idea what was going on, but he just knew that he had to stay away from that-that monster. He turned to look back only to find the demon man gone, with his head turned, he accidentally ran off the edge of the cobblestone he was on. He tried to scream as he hit the water, but again, nothing came again. The water was cold, so cold it was stifling. _

_He tried swimming, but found his arms unable to move. A hand emerged from the depths and grabbed his ankle and started to drag him down. He fought, but he couldn't escape the impossibly tight grip. He reached a desperate hand out toward the fading light as he was dragged down into the dark._

'Don't fight it'_ a voice whispered sweetly _'You and I are one; you can't run from me any longer.'

**DGMDGMDGM**

_Neah woke up and realized two things simultaneously. One, that the horrible, awful place and man had just been part of a dream and second, he was in excruciating pain… again. He clenched his fists, gripping the sheets as he tried to rein in his desire to scream. He saw Mana turn in his sleep; maybe… maybe he could just wait this out. He didn't want to wake Mana after the day he'd had yesterday. _

_A fresh wave of agony swept his body like he was being ripped apart from the inside. He screamed, unable to hold it in and Mana was by his side in an instant. _

_His brother held his hand as more pain racked his weak body. _

"_Neah, Neah! What's going on? Are you in pain?" Neah was too busy screaming to make a 'no shit' comment and silently implored Mana with his eyes to get the doctors and their blessed pain relievers. _

_Fifteen years of brotherly telepathy did not fail him and Mana nodded and ran out into the hallway, calling for someone, anyone, to come and help him. Neah ground his teeth as his body trembled from the strain being placed upon it. God what the hell was happening to him? _

_The doctors surrounded him in a flurry, they barked orders left and right as someone reinserted the IV into his arm. His mind, however, couldn't concentrate on the scene before him, he just kept replaying over and over the dream he had and that terrible man. He now remembered where he had seen that demon, that place before. He used to dream of it as a child, a long time ago when he could still count his age on his fingers. Why now? Why did that man come back to haunt him now?_

_Hours upon hours of torture without cease. Fortunately or unfortunately, he had been unable slip into unconsciousness. He spent every waking moment in unbearable pain, but his frenzied mind still clung to the horrid memory of that dream and feared what would happen the next time he fell asleep. _

_What would happen should the man actually reach him? _

_He shuddered to even think of it. _

_Eventually though, the pain subsided and he lay there panting with the grim knowledge that It would be back within, at most, a few hours. It retreated to the back of his mind where it gave him a false sense of security and waited until he was most vulnerable to strike again. He supposed it was an early sign of insanity to assign sentient feelings to his pain, but it was true, this wasn't natural. _

_It was… It was like an invader and It wanted him: mind, body and soul. _

Well, he was fond of routines,_ he thought wryly with what little humor remained in him. _

_And so it went on like this for six days and six nights. _

_Misery and anguish for countless hours of the day, the constant hustle and bustle of doctors coming in and out to check on him and poor Mana looking older and more fatigued with each passing day. And every night, every time he shut his eyes, the dream replayed again and each time the man got that much closer to his neck and the black hand dragged him further down into the black. _

_He fought and he ran, but he was slowing down with each new nightmare. _

_He couldn't outrun them forever and they all knew it. _

_He grew weaker with every day and every day he wondered miserably what would happen if he just let the man get him and put a stop to this seemingly endless torment. He panted from another round of acute pain. He couldn't give up, he just couldn't. Whatever this demon was, it had dastardly intentions with him and his body. No matter how tempting the idea of quitting was, he wouldn't relinquish his soul. _

_Not without a fight at least. _

_He was pulled from his thoughts as Mana quietly entered the room. He flopped into his well-worn spot next to Neah's bedside. It took all of Neah's strength to twitch his mouth vaguely upward. _

_Six almost seven days of this had left him disturbingly thin and he had absolutely no energy. _

_He could barely turn his head to face his brother. God he was so tired, but he didn't want to fall asleep, he didn't want to go back to that hellish place where the moon smiled darkly and demons were real. Mana had started wearing his hair in a bun on the third day to keep his long hair out of the way. Neah had teased him for that but after a particularly bad day of pain; he no longer could find the energy to joke. _

_He could only breathe and smile and, frankly, everything else was unnecessary. _

_Mana touched his hand like he was touching glass, like he would shatter at any moment. Neah hated to worry Mana like this, so in a voice barely above a whisper, his throat ravaged by countless hours of screaming, he spoke to his brother._

"_I talked to the doctors; they think this might be the last one. They still want to keep me overnight for tests but-"_

"'_But I think I may be going home tomorrow. Don't worry Mana, I'm fine, why don't you go rest and we'll leave in the morning.' Is that what you were going to say? Because I've been listening to that same crap for almost a week a-and I'm tired of it Neah." He released Neah's hand to rub his eyes. Guilt made its way onto Neah's face; Mana had it so hard watching this every day. He twitched his hand toward Mana and was distressed when Mana pulled his hand away._

"_Mana, I'm sorry, I really-"_

"_J-just stop Neah, I-I don't think I can take this anymore. I can't sit here and watch you writhe in agony like that and go to sleep almost certain you won't be there when I woke up. You know Neah, I'm almost disappointed when I wake up every day to see that you're still here; because every additional day means more suffering on your tortured body a-and I have to watch that. Do you know how hard that is Neah? Can you just try and think about how difficult it is for me to see you like this?" Neah wanted to cry right then and there; well why not? Everything else in him was broken, why not his heart as well? _

_Mana, his big brother, the person he idolized and loved more than anyone else, wanted him dead. The person who had raised him, the only person who'd ever cared and now h-he was going to leave him too, now when Neah needed him the most. _

_Oh God he was going to be alone again. _

_He felt the invader stir within him, but it was nothing compared to the agony his own brother, his flesh and blood, was causing him right now. He body twitched as another spasm went through his body. But he still looked to Mana, begging, pleading for the love and comfort he so desperately needed right now. Mana put a hand to his mouth as struggled to maintain himself. He called for the doctors and ran from the room. Neah rasped, oh God it hurt so bad now._

"_M-Mana…" He called softly after his lungs stopped contracting. There was no answer, but the sound of the doctors rushing over to his room. The prideful tears he'd refused to let fall these last few days broke free and spilled down his face without care. "Ma-Mana please come back. Please don't leave me alone." The doctors entered the room and went through the usual procedures. _

_Neah struggled the best he could under their care, if Mana wanted him dead, why even bother living? He shouted louder as he gained his breath back. _

"_Mana! Mana please! Please I need you, I need you please! You promised Mana. You promised that you wouldn't leave me alone. Mana-Mana, please I don't-I don't want to be alone anymore…" _

_But he didn't come back. _

_Neah just sat there, staring unbelievingly at the door, tears pouring down his face as the only person who'd ever really loved him left him in the stark room. His physical pain was less intense and subsided earlier than normal, the pain in his heart only intensified. The doctors cheered, hoping this meant the end of his mysterious illness, but Neah knew better. The entity within him had sensed his despondency and acknowledged his surrender. _

Well why not?_ Neah thought sadly as he was left alone to his thoughts. If Mana didn't want him, what else would he do? Go home and sit there by himself until he went crazy and killed himself? Might as well die here and now and save everyone the effort. _

_That night when he fell asleep, he wouldn't run he would wait and hope the dark man killed him as quickly and painlessly as possible. _

_The night came too quickly. __He gripped his sheets as the lights were turned off in his room. The itchy feeling of the hospital sheets would be the last thing he ever felt. __God that sucked. __He'd never even kissed a girl. In fact there was a long list of things he'd never done. In the light of the darkness, his determination resurfaced with a vengeance. _

_Fuck this, he didn't want to die._

_But it seemed it was already too late. He closed his eyes against a sudden breeze and when he opened them again, the dark man was standing there. Neah's heart stopped. He looked around with horror, he was still in his bed in the hospital and he could still feel the sheets between his clenched fingers. _

_Jesus, he was still **awake**. _

_So why was the man here? A girl popped up beside the shadowy grin and smiled. But Neah barely looked at her, so terrified was he of the man before him._

"_You have fought long and hard my boy, longer than any Noah I've known. I am quite impressed. You will make a fine addition to our family Neah Walker. Now that your detestable God, your worthless race and your heartless brother have left you, you are free to rise to your true potential." He extended a hand out to Neah. _

_But Neah wouldn't go so easily, using the last reserves of his strength, he edged away from the man and off of the bed. His body shook violently from the impact of hitting the floor. He tried to sit up, but found he didn't have the ability. The dark man chuckled and walked around the bed to hover over him. Neah could only watch with fear as the grin got closer and closer. _

_No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't move his body. The fight for his soul had drained him completely._

"_You really are something aren't you my pet ? I'd love to play with you a little more, but it seems your fragile, useless human body has finally given out on you. But don't worry my boy; I will give you the ability to take revenge against all those who wronged you. I will make you eternal." Neah didn't see what happened next, all he knew was that there was more pain and then mercifully nothing. _

**DGMDGMDGM**

_Neah woke up the next day in his bed feeling better than he had all week, as he sat up; he realized that he felt better than he ever had in his entire life. He flexed his arms and legs and was surprised at the strength in them. They no longer had the starved, emancipated look they had yesterday as his body hungrily consumed itself. __What had happened last night? He ran his hand through his hair, had it all been just a dream? He'd been so preoccupied with his thoughts, he didn't notice a young girl, the same one from last night, skip beside him._

_"Feeling better Neah?" he jumped, startled by her presence, and briefly contemplated running. She smiled and sat on the bed. She was younger than him with pale skin and dark hair and eyes. She radiated an unspecified darkness that was kind of disturbing._

"_Don't be scared, your life has just begun! Everyone in Edo is so excited to meet you. It's the first time since the three days of darkness that we've had a new Noah in the family. My name, by the way, is Rhode. R-H-O-D-E and I'm your new little sister." She said leaning over to give him a hug. _

_Family? Noah? What the hell was going on here?_

"_I know you're probably really confused right now, but that's okay. You'll catch on eventually. All you need to know is that we're your family now and you have evolved beyond silly humans." He blinked as her confusing words spun in his head. And then it came to him._

_He was unconscious right now. _

_They were probably trying to restart his heart right now. Everything was A-Okay. So he decided to play along and let the little girl lead him by the hand. He looked around and marveled at how realistic this dream was, probably because he was close to death or something. __He chatted amiably with the girl as they walked out of the hospital arm in arm. He briskly wondered if he should find dream-Mana but, what the hell, he'll do it later before he woke up. A black gate opened in front of them and he sat admiring it for a moment. Honestly, he hadn't known he was this creative. _

_So he willing stepped through the door, unknowingly leaving his brother, the doctors and all of humanity behind. _

_He shook hands with and joked with the strange, grey people who called themselves the Noah, all night. It was strange and these people were nuts, but they were interesting. After all, they really couldn't be serious when they talked about killing people right? Neah ignored his instincts and just smiled through it all._

_The dark man, or the Earl as he was to be called, seemed quite nice despite his rather alarming appearance. He was as delusional as the rest of the grey people, but Neah figured it just went along with his rather awful disfigurement. Neah was slightly curious as to when he was going to wake up as he ate his realistic meal and laughed at something Rhode at said about people called exorcists. _

_It was only after he woke up in a gorgeous four poster bed the next morning that he realized the nightmare he'd come into._

**DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM**

"Master, I need a favor." Cross stated abruptly as he threw open his Master's door.

He thus expected the look of surprise on the General's face. Cross may not have been the perfect student, but he was certainly more polite than to rush into his Master's study with such a demanding and disrespectful tone. Perhaps he could've been a bit more tactful, but he couldn't get rid of the underlying sense of urgency ringing in the back of his head.

He had a bad feeling that Neah was doing something stupid over there in Edo and even as he stood there, a voice in his head told him to hurry before his friend was lost forever. Master genially set down his paper and folded his hands across his desk, giving Cross his full attention.

Any other General would have ranted and raved about a lack of respect, but General Devdas took his student's blatant insubordination with grace. Cross was once again thankful for his Master's way of just understanding. There really was no one quite like his Master, but Cross wouldn't have him any other way. Cross bowed and took a seat, wringing his hands nervously. What the hell was he so nervous anyway?

"Master, I can't explain what's going on, but Lizzy and I need to go Japan immediately." Master's eyebrows furrowed as he thought over the unusual request.

Not only was it strange for an exorcist to ask for a specific assignment, but to ask for Japan of all places was practically inviting death. Japan, namely Edo, was well known as being the Earl's base of operations. There were a few missions there every now and again, mostly recognizance, but those were reserved mostly for those with the skills and experience of a General. Thus, Japan was usually written off and avoided, so his sudden desire to go there was more than a little strange.

Master's deep brown eyes studied him for a moment, searching perhaps for an answer to his odd behavior. Master nodded easily and spoke with measured levity, but his eyes never lost their sharpness.

"Now my boy, why on earth would you want to take Lizzy to Japan? Surely there are many other, much safer places for young lovers to get some privacy." Cross ignored his Master's jibe and shifted in his seat unable to think of a reasonable excuse. He found his eyes wandering to the open pocket watch on his Master's desk. Every second he and his Master sat here going around the question, it felt like Neah was slipping further out of their reach.

"Master, I-I can't tell you the details, but it is very important. Lizzy and I have this little uh… side project going on. We believe it may be the key to winning the war and we need to get to Japan before it is too late. You're… you're just going to have to trust me on this. I wouldn't ask if I didn't think this was the only way." The room became silent as they studied one another, waiting, hoping for the other to give in. After a few minutes Master rubbed his eyes and looked away.

Cross swallowed, not good.

"Marian, I do trust you, more than I probably should. But you are still young; there are still many things you do not know. I cannot, with a clean conscious, send you and Lizzy to Edo where you will most assuredly be killed by any number of the Earl's minions. I am curious about your little project or so you call it, but I'm going to trust in your judgment enough to not pry. Please, you must understand that you and Lizzy are too important to send off on some suicidal folly. I'm sorry my boy, I really am. You're smart, I'm sure whatever glitch has come up in your… affairs will soon be resolved." Cross frowned as he nodded in acceptance, he really wasn't surprised with his Master's answer, but that still wasn't going to help him get Neah back.

Cross opened his mouth for a moment, ready to tell his Master everything about Neah and the Noah, but decided against it at the last second. The situation was too unstable right now to bring any more people into this. Instead he stood up, bowed and without another word, walked to the door.

"Marian," he turned back to his Master. "If you or Lizzy are in some sort of trouble, you know you can come to me for anything." Cross smiled and nodded, maybe one day they would be able to explain. But for now this was something that needed to be worked out amongst friends.

"We appreciate it Master really, but we're not in trouble, not yet at least." He left before the General could ask what his rather cryptic statement meant. He stood outside and let his disappointment show before he began walking down the halls deep in thought. Now what?

He and Lizzy had been working non-stop all day to try and contact Neah. They buzzed him repeatedly on their device, contacted Mana and were now desperate enough to seek passage into Edo. Even Maria languishing down in America couldn't get ahold of their elusive friend. Neah had basically dropped off the face of the earth and was refusing to talk to them since the fight.

**The** fight.

Cross grimaced as he rubbed his neck where the bruises were just starting to heal, but the look of murder in his friend's eyes would take a lot longer to fade. The twitchy feeling returned and he cracked his knuckles in an attempt to relieve the invisible tension racking his body.

Dammit, if only they could talk to him, if just for a few moments. Neah wasn't a bad person at heart; he was just too nice a guy to really be evil. But he was vulnerable right now, he was pissed off for various reasons and thus very susceptible to the Earl's trickery.

And then nothing they did could bring him back.

Cross shuddered; thoughts like that certainly didn't help.

He needed to talk to Lizzy, they needed a new plan. He shook his head, damn, even if they were to steal a boat and head out to Edo on their own, it would take weeks, if not months to get there. Not to mention the fact that there was a fuck load of Akuma and Noah on that particular island and there was a very good chance they wouldn't get anywhere near Neah before they were killed in a rather violent fashion.

But they were running out of options, their main connection to Neah had been the Ark. As much as he hated to admit it, but the only way they would probably see Neah again was if he wanted to see them.

And that was worrisome.

He eventually found Lizzy working the radios in the Communications section, alternating between trying to contact Neah and actual Order work. Her left hand tapped anxiously on the table, the only thing betraying her calm facade. At least he wasn't the only one feeling it. He laid his hands on her shoulders; she gasped and clutched her chest, spinning to face him.

"Fucking hell, you scared the shit out of me." He threw her a cheeky smile as she removed the headphones and ruffled her hair. He looked up at him with hope and expectation, God it hurt to see knowing that he bore news that would steal that light in her eyes away.

"I'm sorry Liz, he won't go for it. Not that I really blame him or anything. But we've got to find another way." The look of shattered hope on her face broke him. Her whole body just crumpled like a puppet with it's strings cut as she leaned into her chair.

He understood, every lead they followed only led them to dead ends and they were running out of wild geese to chase. It was fairly early in the morning and room was mostly empty except for a few young kids warily talking into their radios.

Lizzy rubbed her temples before letting her head drop into her hands.

"What are we going to do Cross? What if we can't get to him? You know what those bastards are capable of, what they can do to him-" He shushed her and without thinking, leaned down and lightly kissed the crown of her head. She used to be so clingy, always hanging off of him, but since his calamitous proposal in Germany, they'd barely touched each other. But, he didn't know what else to do to calm her down. She gasped lightly at the contact, but said nothing.

He just wanted to keep her safe and happy, that's all he asked.

"I know it's hard now Lizzy, but don't worry, it'll all work out somehow. We just have to keep trying. We can't give up now or we'll never get him back. You've got to stay strong just a little longer." She tentatively brought up a hand to his which still rested on her shoulder.

He'd hated the barrier that had come between them. He'd never quite realized how many times she reached for his hand or leaned against his shoulder until she no longer did it. Even stranger was realizing how much he missed it. He really had relished those moments when he could feel her against him, not just out of physical attraction, but just in the knowledge that another human was there who cared for him and in turn wanted to be cared for. He smiled down at her, trying to give her some form of reassurance. She smiled back and tilted her head until her cheek rested on his hand.

She felt warm against him, the way things should be.

"I don't what I would do without you, Cross. God, I mean, with all the Akuma and now Neah leaving… I-I just couldn't do this on my own." He smiled lightly as she turned her velvety brown eyes on him, resolution dissipating the remaining sentimentalism.

"And that's why…that's why we can't, you know, go any further." His hand on her shoulder twitched slightly as she sighed and struggled for words. "At the inductions, you asked me for an answer to your proposal, and-and my answer is no." She turned away for a moment, before returning her gaze up to him with a familiar stubborn line forming between her eyebrows.

"You're my best friend. I love all of you guys so much, but you Cross, you're the one who keeps me standing, who I can turn to when things get rough, who I can always count on to be there. And I-I just don't want to lose that. I can't-I won't risk what we have now for something that might tear us apart in the end." She bit her lip and turned away, unconsciously gripping his hand tighter.

"I know this is all my fault," she whispered softly, fighting back tears. "I just… I just wanted things to stay the same, you know? I was so unsure; I still don't even know what I want." She looked back up at him earnestly as if she expected him to leave her.

"But I-I just want Neah to come back. All I want is the five of us together again. I'm sorry, I know we should have had this conversation a long time ago, but I just can't risk something so important to me. B-but please, please don't leave me." Cross looked down at her with a blank face. He slowly brought his free hand up to stroke her messy hair.

What else was he supposed to do? Tell her just how heartbroken he was; upset that the girl he'd started falling in love with the first time he held her had just brushed him off for good? He took a long stabilizing breath and looked down at her with a calmness he didn't feel.

He wasn't mad at her and he would never, ever leave her.

Just because they couldn't be a couple didn't mean he was going to abandon her. He-he still loved her and he'd sworn he would protect her from everything this damned world had to throw at them. Maybe one day perhaps he'd find another girl to love, but for now, he would just have to be content with loving someone who was so close and yet so far out of reach.

"You idiot, I have too much invested in you to leave. Now come on are you an exorcist or not? Quit the waterworks, we got a Noah to exorcise, remember?" He tilted her chin up and gave her a cheery grin. It was perchance a bit strained and felt alien when compared to his despairing mood, but seeing Lizzy return the simple gesture made it seem all right. She stood up and encompassed him in a tight hug, holding on as if her life depended on it. She buried her face into his neck.

"You're the idiot Cross. I'll always love you, but you're just too damn good for someone like me." With that she released him and gave him a long level look before turning around to face whatever future await them.

"We're wasting time; we need to think of how to get to Neah and fast. I think we've both basically come to the conclusion that we won't really get a chance to talk to him unless he comes to us. Maybe we could meet him somewhere. I mean he's got to go back to Mana's sooner or later right?" Cross silently pondered her words. Their... talk had reminded him of something, of the first time the three of them met. How they all had been hurt and confused and unsure of where to turn.

His eyes lit up as an idea appeared. It was a long shot, but hell, it was better than nothing.

"Lizzy, I bet you that Neah's being harassed by the Earl and the Noah right this minute. I can just see them harping on him about being vicious and violent and all that crap. We both know Neah well enough to understand that he isn't like that and he might make a run for it just to escape from it all. He's obviously avoiding all of us, so where else could he go? Maybe, just maybe, he'll go back to the place where he found peace in death and malevolence. Maybe he'll go back to-"

"Maybe he'll go back to Derry! Oh my God, you might have something there Cross! You know how sentimental he can be, we can meet him there. It's not too far and I'm sure with the number of Akuma recently, we could find an excuse to go there for Master to send us there. God Cross, you're a genius!" She grinned broadly, something of her old self shining in her eyes.

She spun on her heels and ran out the door, probably on her way to pack her bags and beg their Master for a train ride to Derry. Cross stood there for a moment alone in his thoughts, ignoring the pointed way the young trainees were staring at him. He wasn't sure what he was feeling right word _devastation_ came immediately to mind, but he couldn't quite shake off the intensity of her smile. How long had it been since she'd smiled like that? A small smile of his own, perhaps the makings of a genuine one, appeared on his face.

Maybe he could bear this after all; he'd do anything to see her smile like that just one more time. So he fell back into his familiar position of following after that hard-headed woman who was indeed his best friend, ready to support her in every way possible.

And he thought, for the first time in a long time, that maybe it wasn't such a bad position to be in.

* * *

_All things must pass_

_All things must pass away_

_All things must pass_

_None of life's strings can last_

_So, I must be on my way_

_And face another day. ~ George Harrison_

* * *

As stated above, Hoshino Katsura's latest chapter has officially made this story AU. Um yey? So anyways, I've decided not to alter upcoming chapters to suit new DGM chapters just because it's too hard and it'll be AU anyways. So yeah, when I first started this story, I intended it to be my prediction as to Neah's past. So despite being AU, I really am trying to keep this as close to the main points as possible.

Alright, this is, quite honestly, one of my favorite chapters. It's also the only chapter I wrote pretty much all in one sitting at a friend's beach house (I know you're reading this Harvey, so this is all your fault). I love the interaction between Neah and Mana, I really liked it because it allowed to me to see for the first time how the characters were beginning to progress and develop. I find it ironic that I delve into my interpretation of Neah and Mana's past only to have it revealed in DGM :) Irony, gotta love it.

I would also like to take this moment to apologize and express my lack of sympathy to my beta. She was so disappointed with this chapter for two reasons 1) It spends most of the chapter of developing Neah who, as I only recently discovered, is very much disliked by my beta in general and 2) Lizzy x Cross was pretty much officially debunked, a pairing which my beta supported with a vigor.

So Going Sideways, I'm sorry, your texts/skypes of 'Please kill Neah and have Lizzy and Cross run off into the sunset' were amusing, but unfulfilled.

_All Things Must Pass_ (c) George Harrison :)


	15. Hey Jude

_Disclaimer: I do not own any part of D. Gray-man nor any of its characters. I can only close my eyes and quietly play dress up with said characters in my head and hope I'm not desecrating Hoshino Katsura's work too much._

For those of you who care, Author's Notes will be at the end of every chapter and any and all questions will be gleefully answered if asked.

* * *

_And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain_

_Don't carry the world upon your shoulders_

_For well you know that it's a fool, who plays it cool_

_By making his world a little colder_

* * *

"I am slowly going crazy, one, two, three, four, five, six, switch, crazy going slowly am I, six, five, four, three, two, one, switch." Neah mumbled as he sat hugging his knees, leaning against his bed from the floor.

It was currently dark in the room but the rising Japanese sun was shedding some light on the situation, and he did not like what he saw. Ever since he'd tentatively announced that he'd accompany Rhode on her mission, everything just seemed wrong. He put his head in his lap.

The Noah had been so nice to him.

For the first time, he felt accepted here in Edo. The others seemed so willing to help him get through whatever his problems were. They would sit down and talk to him, laugh at his jokes and even tolerate his all too human habits. Analyse had even asked him to play a song on the piano, a request that had been surprising reciprocated by all the others, including the Earl.

But it-it still felt so, so wrong.

It felt so good on the surface, but he could still feel the poison coating the sugary family scene. He couldn't really explain it, but he could practically see the evil in the little things: Saoirse's unhinged grins, Hassan's indifferent glances, even the slow methodical way Daniel swung his prayer beads just seemed…sick. And perhaps worst of all was his Inner Noah whispering in his ear day in and day out without end. The little motherfucking thing never shut up, it just kept whispering with that same lovely voice that left him with a bitter taste and a chill up his spine.

He shuttered, he'd never felt this way with the exorcists.

He moaned as he hugged himself tighter; he felt ill, actually physically ill, for the first time since he became a Noah. As if the unrelenting evil surrounding him wasn't enough, his own damn body was attacking him with chills, a fever, and the worst goddamn case of insomnia he'd ever experienced.

He'd never tested how long he could go without sleep since becoming a Noah, but as the nineteenth straight night was coming to a close, he realized the mental strain would probably do him in before his body had a chance to wear out.

Why did everything have to be so hard? Why couldn't he just pick a side and stay there?

Join the exorcists and the Earl would tear him, them and everyone within a hundred kilometers, apart. But if he stayed with the Noah he'd probably lose his sanity and quite possibly his life because his goddamned purified body wouldn't let him be evil.

Another chill fingered its way up his back and he closed his eyes trying to block out everything.

He just wanted to go home, to his real home, where people who loved him (loved, past tense) were waiting for him. But he understood the consequences now more than when he'd originally agreed to team up with the exorcists. He had thought he could play both sides, have his exorcist friends while still be able to have those damnable Friday night dinners.

Neah, in his nigh hysterical state, could have laughed at that thought.

God how fucking naïve he had been, how they had all been.

His mind's eyes imagined a stone cold Cross with his short cropped hair and wide distrustful eyes and sweet, beautiful Lizzy looking scared and desperate for someone to hold onto and Maria with her crazy ways who could still smile so brilliantly.

But they had changed, oh yes, they all had.

They lived and learned, they got to know each other so intimately that not even their minds could keep secrets. They fell down and helped each other up, laughed and cried and just tried to stay alive another day so that they could continue to laugh and cry.

He couldn't pinpoint the exact moment in time when Cross's shoulders loosened up and when his smile grew all the warmer.

Or when Lizzy felt comfortable enough that she could cuddle with and look at him with the utmost confidence, love and security.

Or when Maria's wild, annoying and oftentimes painful personality morphed into something of a mask rather than a mental disorder.

He suddenly wished he could. More than anything in the world at that moment, he wished he could remember those little details, the little things he'd either missed or hadn't really paid attention to.

Anything to starve off this icy isolation.

But he was scared. He could see it in the Earl's eyes; the endless battle would be coming to a close soon. The Akuma were increasing, the Noah were being sent out more and more to tie up loose ends and more exorcists were dying every day.

They'd all joked about death at the hands of the Earl, but this was different, this was _real_.

If he left this time, there would be no coming back and he would die. He lifted his head and turned to face the wall as he thought this over. Though he'd said he wouldn't go back, he may just be avoiding the inevitable. Despite everything, he really had been happy with the exorcists; maybe that was where he belonged even with the threat of death looming over him. His Inner Noah scoffed.

_'Trust me my boy, it's no threat. No matter how you look at it, you will die and no cause or human is worth that. Say you did leave; do you know how the exorcists would repay your sacrifice? With hatred and scorn. They are horrible, selfish, single-minded humans will reject you the moment you are near them. You were wise to break away from them before they broke away from you. Now don't be a fool, you're better off without them.'_

Neah just rubbed his shoulders, for all he complained, Noah could be very convincing. If Neah wanted to, he could let himself be easily swayed the slick voice in his head, to be the perfect little Noah everyone expected him to be. But there was something inside of him that just refused to let him fall into that inescapable blackness. He put his head in his hands again, it seemed he couldn't be evil even if he tried.

God he sucked as a Noah, maybe he should review his career options.

Well sitting here sure as hell wasn't going to solve his problems, but he found that he couldn't move in any direction. All he could do is sit on the floor with apathetic eyes and watch as the glorious burning sun rose over the landscape, knowing that by this time tomorrow he would already be on the way to his first slaughter.

Cracking his shoulders after a good ten hours of sitting there, he stood up and wearily rubbed at his eyes. Maybe breakfast would put things into perspective, or at least give him the sugar necessary to get through the upcoming day and the sleepless night tonight. As he opened the door, he took a step back and was surprised at who was standing there.

Rhode stood outside his door with a cheeky, adorable smile on her face. He smiled back, though he could feel the insincerity of it. He loved Rhode, more than he loved any of these damned people, but he hadn't felt quite at ease around her since the whole tea party thing. His agitation was further exemplified by the dark light in her eyes, it sparkled something reeking and sinister.

"You're up early." He spoke drolly and the hairs on his neck shivered as he wondered just how long she had been standing out here waiting for him. Her smile only intensified.

"You don't have to lie about it Neah, I know you're worried about tomorrow, but don't worry, I'll be right there with you." He was pretty sure he nodded, he was having the damnedest time concentrating, something was wrong here, he could feel it in his palm and his shoulder.

"But just to make sure, you know, you're gonna be okay with everything. We all have a little surprise set up for you." Something in his gut wrenched at the lilt of her words and for a brief instant he contemplated slamming the door in her face and going back to bed.

She gently grabbing his hand and led him down the hallway as light continued to stream in.

He tried to reassure himself that he was just tired, that his nerves were just shot. But his gut had yet to lie to him, especially when there was danger around. Whatever it was ahead, he was already certain he wasn't going to like it. Anything the whole of them agreed on could only result in disaster. And still the deceptively sweet girl chattered away like nothing was wrong.

"It'll be fine Neah really, by the way, have you been sleeping well? 'Cause you really don't look good and I know you didn't eat your dinner again last night. We don't like to see you like this Neah and we care about you. Please don't hurt us by hurting yourself." They stopped in front of a door, a rather large door. He tilted his head and squinted his eyes. In fact, he was pretty sure he had never seen this door in his life. He looked down at Rhode in confusion. She looked up sheepishly.

"The Earl loves you Neah and he wanted to protect you. You weren't ready to fully embrace your Inner Noah, so he didn't push you into doing anything you didn't want to do. But since you're going with me tomorrow, we thought it would be best if we introduced you to _the room_."

She pushed open the heavy, ornate looking door. He sucked in his breath through his teeth as the content of the room opened before him. It was an awful, dirty room. There was new and old blood splattered on the walls and other unmentionables scattered all across the floor.

As the awful sights assaulted his vision the rancorous smell came next. It was the smell of a hundred million painful, agonizing deaths at the hands of a cruel and vicious few. They were all there, the others beamed condescendingly down at him and the Earl just kept smiling. It was only then that he then saw what it was they were all smiling about.

A young girl was chained in the center of the floor.

She was crying in between her gasps of pain.

She was wearing a rose cross on her stained black coat.

There was a red puddle surrounding her that increased with each gasping breath she took in between her hollow tears. Her limbs trembled, causing the chains holding her to rattle shakily.

And everyone just kept smiling at him like it was just one big fucking joke.

"Ah Neah, your darling brothers and sisters were so kind as to get you a little toy to play with to prepare you for your big day tomorrow. I know she's just a little thing, but she put up quite a fight, which is why they had to rough her up, a bit. She'll be an easy target for you. You can do whatever you'd like with her; she's all yours my boy so please enjoy." Neah blanched, they wanted him to what?

"See what she's got underneath that coat, you're still a virgin right?"

"Pull out her eyes, that's always good for laughs!"

"I'm partial to a good dismemberment myself; make them watch as you pull them apart."

"Come on you guys, leave him alone, let him do his own thing. Go on Neah."

The girl didn't move but instead rolled her listless eyes in his direction. She prayed for release from the pain and humiliation she was suffering. She was asking him to free her from her sinner's body and into the embrace of her loving God.

From one human to another, she was asking for compassion.

Not a word was exchanged on this issue, but there was no need, it was written all over her face. He broke eye contact and scanned the sick and twisted faces of his family, even little Rhode grinned with excitement at the torture awaiting the dying girl. Before when he was confronted with signs of the Noah's cruelty, he'd felt nauseated, uncomfortable and scared.

Now all he felt was an incomparable rage eating away at his cowardice.

He formed a shaking fist. No, he didn't want to be a part of this, he didn't want to hurt others and he certainly didn't want to _enjoy_ it. Maybe later he'd go over to Europe and see if the guys would take him back, but if not, he'd fight his own goddamned war against these monsters. His Inner Noah tried to say something, but Neah wouldn't listen. He was not going to be one of them, not now not ever.

But first of all he had to deal with the girl, he struggled to keep the empathy off his face.

Christ she was so young.

How to be kind without the Noah noticing? An undoubtedly atrocious grin rose to his face as a plan formed in his mind. He was going to kill the Noah and topple the Earl, might as well do it fabulously as Mana would say. He spread his arms out wide for the benefit of the demonic audience.

"What a show ladies and gentleman, what a show. Let us first give a round of applause to our lovely leading lady who has been so generous as to grace us with her presence." The crowd whooped and cheered and made lewd catcalls, the girl shut her eyes against their words. _Don't worry_, his mind soothed, _it will all be over soon_.

Who he was reassuring he didn't quite know.

His smile never faltered.

"To conclude this evening's festivities, I'm going to make this young maiden's earthly body disappear and leave in her place only her blood." The girl whined mutely on the floor as the cheers increased. Neah bowed and did a mock hat tip before holding up his hand to silence the others. There was hushed silence before he spoke.

"Three… two…one." His Noah energy easily snuffed out the light in the room.

When the light returned a few short seconds later, the stage was missing a Noah and an exorcist, but in their place was a large amount of blood staining the already dirty floor. The crowd gasped with pleasure and awe at the trick and the audacity of their normally quiet brother. Said brother, however, had already escaped via the far window with the young girl in his arm.

Singular.

All that blood had to come from somewhere after all. He gently set the girl down on the ground and took deep rasping breaths as he held his severed left arm to his shoulder, allowing the muscles to reattach. He shakily flexed his nerveless fingers before turning his attention to the bleeding young exorcist. He knelt beside her and began stroking her fine damp hair. He smiled down at her.

"I'm sorry, it's okay now, you're going to be fine. I'm here and I'm not going to let them hurt you anymore." She was badly injured and barely alive as it was. His fury was fanned as he wondered just how long they had kept her there torturing her.

Those bastards.

But now wasn't the time to deal with that. This brave young girl was going to die here fairly soon and he was going to make sure she was comfortable as possible. His still numb and sore left hand held her much smaller one as his right continued to knead through her hair. Her unfocused eyes searched his and gave him the barest of smiles.

"Thank you." She whispered hoarsely, tightening her grip on his hand as much as her weakened state would allow. He ignored the painful lump in his throat and smiled back, determined not to upset her. He would save his grief for later when this world's pain could no longer reach her.

Her breathing hitched as the morning wind stroked them lightly, God he would give anything just so she could be a little warmer. Without thinking, he shrugged off the torn and blood stained remains of his nightshirt, which he'd never had a chance to change out of, and laid it over the girl's pale body.

It wasn't much, but it was better than nothing.

"I'm so sorry. I-I wish I could help you, b-but..." He choked as his calm façade began to crack. He took a deep breath before returning to her gaze. "What's you name dear? I'll take you back to the Order and see that-that you get everything you need." She closed her eyes and leaned into his left hand, which cupped her face. She looked so peaceful despite the violence she had suffered.

"R-Rachel, Rachel El-Elior." She whispered softly, the light smile never leaving her face.

"You're a good person, please don't forget that. And don't forget to smile, it's-it's so…nice." Neah sat there for a few minutes longer as if expecting her to continue. But the silence was unbroken and the wind continued to whisper its sympathies for the young life lost.

Neah didn't collapse into hysterics.

He didn't cry or shout or scream.

He didn't do much of anything in fact, he just sat there passively humming Lizzy's favorite piece, _Für Elise_, as he held the girl's limp body in his lap. Rachel, my, it appears that in his short career as a Noah he has been responsible for not one, but two deaths of said name.

He bit his lip as he wondered about her life, if she had any friends, what her dreams were, what she wanted after this damn war. He supposed he'd never find out now. He brushed hair out of her pallid face and gently closed her dark blue eyes for the final time. It seemed like he should be feeling something, anything, he was holding a dead body for Christ's sake.

He'd damned near panicked the last time this had happened, but now he couldn't muster the feeling. He just felt a terrible, awful, emptiness, not unlike what he'd felt when he'd left the exorcist's alone at their headquarters.

Well there was only one thing to do now.

Picking up the body (_Rachel, _he chided himself,_ her name is Rachel_. He'll never get through this if he doesn't think of her as human) he opened a door into his room in the Ark. Donning another shirt, he peacefully opened a door to headquarters to a secluded room near the main chapel.

His heart shook violently as he observed the many caskets lying around, how many of these dead bodies were little girls like Rachel… or Rachel? _Don't think about it_, he thought with uncertainty, as he lay her prone form on the alter. He took a deep breath and straightened her coat the best he could before giving her one last inadequate apology and a chaste kiss on the forehead.

He opened the door to the only place he could think of, leaving the dust still and the corpses still lying there awaiting for their long overdue retribution.

**DGMDGMDGM****  
**

Lizzy flexed her arms and continued to wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Three days they had been in this field waiting for the impossible. They'd anxiously wandered around town the last few days, but if Neah was going to show up, it would be here. She let her eyes wander over the landscape once more. They hadn't come back since their first horrendous mission, it still looked exactly the same, a fact that both comforted and devastated her.

Cross was in town getting some food and medicine. She rolled her eyes affectionately; the idiot had caught a cold by giving her his coat last night. It was her fault for not returning to the hotel, but she had been so damn sure that Neah would show up. She sighed for the billionth time and pulled her coat closer to her. Winter was on its way and it seemed like everything around her was dying.

She wondered how long they could stay here. She and Cross had hounded their Master for a chance to come here, giving some bullshit excuse about investigating reoccurring Akuma activity or something. Master had raised his eyebrows, but approved their unusual request on the condition that as soon as something remotely important came up, they'd be back at the Order within a day.

She thanked God for small miracles or at the very least, understanding Masters.

She wondered if Neah would ever come, if he would even want to revisit a place with such awful memories, or perhaps he didn't even want to come back to them at all. Such thoughts chilled her and she pulled her coat even tighter, trying to block out her fears as easily as the emerging winter chill.

It was five thirty at night and the sun dipped lower and lower into the sky, stealing the last bits of warmth she was coveting. She had to sleep in the hotel tonight. Poor Cross couldn't stand another night outside and his stubborn temperament wouldn't leave her out here by herself.

All this waiting was driving her crazy, God she was so fucking tired of waiting.

Waiting for Neah, waiting for this war to be over, waiting for her family to finally forgive her…

It was the same shit, different day.

She wasn't made to wait, she was built for action, but at this point there was little else she could do. She sighed as she craned her neck in the direction of town, Cross sure was taking his sweet time. She really wished he would hurry back, it was getting dark out here and she didn't want to sit out in this horrendous place by herself anymore.

A familiar sound appeared behind her and she caught the surge of hope before it turned into something dangerous. Turning around slowly, her prayers were answered as all one hundred and seventy-seven centimeters of Neah Allen Walker appeared before her, idly taking his time stepping out of the Ark. Lizzy could only gape at him as her heart pounded in her chest.

Only once the Ark had closed behind him was she able to come to grips with the reality of his presence. But at the same time her heart was filling with joy, she couldn't help but take notice of his disheveled appearance. Though the shirt he wore was clean and pristine, his cheeks and the hands were covered with blood and dirt. He held himself tightly, as if it were a matter of sheer willpower that kept him upright at all.

Worst of all were his eyes. Blank and unfocused, he stared at some unseen point just over her head. Lizzy wasn't even sure he had seen her, even though she was no more than five meters in front of him. She slowly got to her feet, wincing at the loud way her knees cracked.

After their last encounter and his awful, empty look now, she decided to go about this nice and easy. This could be her only chance to drag Neah back with them, back to where he belonged. He stood there stiffly, watching the sun continue its speedy decent. As she stepped closer to him, she realized that he was humming the bars to _Für Elise_.

She had no idea what to say to him or how to react to his downright disturbing behavior. What could have happened to him out there on that island? She had run out of time to formulate a plan as she was right in front of him. Her eyes reached about the level of his nose and, bracing herself for whatever was next, she laid a light hand on his shoulder trusting her instincts to see this through.

"Neah? Are you…are you alright? It's- it's me, Lizzy." He flinched slightly at her touch, but lowered his eyes to meet hers. They never lost that dazed quality.

"Lizzy? What are you doing here?" He asked quietly, his eyes not quite reaching hers and appearing to look right through her. He didn't sound upset or angry or anything, just genuinely confused and something else, something she couldn't quite pin down. She smiled as her emotions finally caught up to her. She tightened her grip on his shoulder as the unwanted tears came unbidden.

"What am I doing here? I, I mean, we, Cross is in town at the moment, have been waiting for you. We've-we've been so worried about you Neah. We've been trying to get ahold of you b-but you wouldn't answer and we missed you and goddammit I haven't gotten a decent night's sleep since you left and you're here a-and thank God you're here because-because we missed you, you idiot." She felt ashamed at her blubbering, but she couldn't help the complete degradation of her speech.

She had just missed him so much and seeing him now, feeling him _right there in front of her_; it just brought forth a whole flood of emotions that she'd been burying since the moment he'd left. He either didn't care or didn't notice her display of sentiment for he merely cocked his head and lightly cupped her chin, focusing his eyes on her for the first time since he'd arrived.

"You missed me? How could you possibly miss someone like me? How could someone as sweet and loving and beautiful as you miss a wretched person like me?" His thumb lightly traced her cheek, smearing the tears that had escaped her eyes, as his own silver one finally starting to show some signs of life.

She leaned into his hand and looked up at him trying to convey through her eyes what words could not, how much she cared for him and how broken her life felt without him.

"Because you're my friend." She stated with such gravity that he could not mistake its earnestness. "I don't need any other reason. I am who I am because of you, Cross, and Maria, I'm not complete without you here." He frowned as he brought his other hand up to stroke her hair. God he was so thin, what the hell had they done to him in Edo? His eyes dropped as he looked to the ground.

"They killed someone. And I let them, why did I let them? God Lizzy, you-you can't even imagine what they do over there. I mean- I thought I could, but I just-I couldn't. I just had to leave and I-I thought of Rachel and what they did to her, to both of her, and I just needed some time to think and-" He whispered harshly as the apathetic mask began to crack around him. She leaned into his chest feeling his short breaths and hearing his erratic heartbeat and held onto him tightly.

She would swore make every last Noah pay for what they had done to the sweetest boy she knew.

"Because they're monsters Neah. Because they are sick, evil and twisted and they need to be stopped. Because I know you, I know what a kind and wonderful person you are. Because I'm sure there was nothing you could have done. Because you care about life so much that you couldn't live with yourself if you didn't do everything possible to save someone."

His hands started to shake as he continued to play with her hair, his grief and his guilt releasing his heartache from the void he'd banished them to. She couldn't help the light smile, even if he tried, Neah just couldn't adhere to the callous Noah doctrine for long. Everything she'd said before was all true, there weren't many people who loved like Neah did, it was the thing she liked most about him.

Human or Noah, he genuinely cared.

"Her- her name was Rachel too. She is-she was an ex-exorcist. Oh God Lizzy, she was-she was so young. But she had lost so much blood by the time I'd gotten there, all I could do was get her out of there a-and give her at least a peaceful end." He gripped her painfully as he wrapped his arms tightly to her, but she didn't care. He was here and he was hurting. What else was there for her to do but comfort her friend?

She soothingly ran her hands up and down his back, feeling his shoulder blades poking through his shirt. She buried her face into his shoulder, just like the other million times they'd done this over the endless days and countless crises they'd endured.

"I-I didn't know where else to go, I mean, I couldn't stay there. How the fuck was I supposed to face those-those monsters after that? After they fucking tortured that girl, and for what? Some cheap amusement, something to keep the dullness away until the next sanctified slaughter? And-and I didn't-I just didn't have anywhere else to go. Mana wouldn't understand, he's never understood what I go through there and you and Cross pr-probably hate me a-and-"

"What kind of idiot are you?" the harshness of the words was diluted by a round of coughing. Lizzy bit her lip, Neah was obviously very fragile now and Cross's abrasiveness would either make or break the situation.

She still clung to her friend as she felt his tears fall into her hair. How long had he been keeping everything in? How long had his brilliant smile he showed to the world been nothing more than the cover for his tears? It hurt her to think of how much he was hurting and how she hadn't noticed.

Cross dropped whatever bag he was carrying, stuck his hands in his coat and walked over to them as if he had all the time in the world. He looked up at the sky and spoke methodically to no one in particular.

"I'm not going to deny that you were an asshole that day, likewise, I can't deny that we treated you badly after the whole Colombia thing. We're all bastards and bitches, but whining about it certainly isn't going to end this war or bring any of the dead back to life." He stopped in front of them and finally turned to face them.

Cross wasn't as emotional as she was and not nearly as empathetic as Neah, but she knew how much he cared about them and how much this had affected him as well.

"We don't 'hate' you Neah. So you're a Noah? So your family is a bunch of murdering bastards? If Lizzy and I cared about that bullshit, we'd be just as bad as Leverrier. The honest truth is, we like you Neah, we like you because you're a nice guy and your heart's in the right place. The Noah powers are helpful, I'll admit, but really, we just missed our friend. So will the two of you quit standing there crying over the past and get on with your lives. We can't end this fucking war without you Neah, so get your head out of your ass and think about what it is you really want." The two of them stared at Cross surprised at the sincerity in his words, ignoring his usual coarse language. Cross frowned and looked away shoving his hands deeper into his pockets. After a moment of silence he looked at them with a look of angry frustration.

"Are you going to stand there all day cuddling or are you going to come inside? It's fucking freezing out here and I'm not spending another goddamned night out here." With that, he turned around and stalked back in the direction of the hotel, stopping only long enough to grab the bag. She looked up at Neah and was pleased to see the sparkle in his eyes return.

"Got anything good in there?" Neah asked curiously, the only traces of his previous state visible by the tear tracks on his face. He even had the barest hint of a smile on his face as she pulled away from his chest. Cross shrugged his shoulders, never stopping, held up the bag.

"Just some Shepard's pie they were selling at the farmer's market. We have extra if you want some; it's pretty cold out here tonight, why don't you stay with us tonight. Unless you have better things to do." Lizzy could practically hear the smile in his voice. Neah's own smile grew until at last it broke and he started laughing, he leaned into her shoulder as he cackled.

"Damn you Cross, damn you and your delicious Shepard's pie." With that Neah, started confidently forward, his hands behind his head and the weight of the world finally off his shoulders.

He turned around and smiled at her, a beautiful, genuine smile, one she hadn't seen in a while.

"Are you coming Liz? That Shepard's pie is going to be gone if you don't hurry." She smiled broadly as she quickly wiped the last bits of tears away with her palm. She was so happy, they were all together again and she was just so happy.

She caught up to them, fitting in perfectly as always between her two boys. They chatted amiably about nothing as the last rays of the sun disappeared behind the rolling hills.

"You know, a party of three is no fun, let's see if Mana and Maria are doing anything tonight." She smiled at the thought of all of them together again, happy and worry free with nothing between them but a piping hot Shepard's pie.

She saw all of this and she saw that it was good.

So they laughed and talked and laughed some more. Maria cried tears of joy and Mana wouldn't stop hugging Neah. They each told of what had transpired since they last met, each putting their own cheerful spin on things so not to destroy the buoyant mood. They all sat on the same small couch that Neah was on, all secretly fearing he would disappear again if left alone too long.

The Shepard's pie was delicious and Lizzy was certain that Cross planned it, knowing that Neah was overly fond of that particular dish. She smiled into her tea as she watched the delightful scene unfold. There had been a period in time in which she had doubted this would ever happen again. Where they would be sitting around, laughing and having fun, joking and teasing and just delighting in each other's company.

It was far from over, in fact, it had only really just begun.

Things were getting bad and they would certainly get worse before they got better. But they were in this together, now and forevermore and that alone gave her the strength to face each backbreaking day. She rolled her eyes, God she sounded like a goddamned bible passage.

Just let it be and enjoy them while they're here.

"So who wants to play strip poker?" Maria asked cheerily, between mouthfuls of meat. The others raised their eyebrows and shrugged, why the hell not? Surprisingly enough, Mana was the only one who was against the idea for reasons unknown. Something about a bad experience with another clown, but his opinion was overruled. She grinned to herself as Cross shuffled the cards and Neah loosened the buttons on his shirt.

Good thing she wore her brassiere today.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Neah returned to Edo late a few hours later, the eight hour time change and the clean up from his little magic show explaining his absence. The other Noah assaulted him immediately with questions and congratulations, which he shrugged off easily.

He thought of his friends and the rest was easy.

He held a finger to his lips and whispered with a small smile that a magician never reveals his tricks. Rhode chattered easily around him, saying how excited she was for their mission and how she hoped he would be just as creative tomorrow. He grinned down at her and placed his hand on her soft black hair. Behind the grin, he could only frown with defeat.

She was truly out of his reach. It pained him to think of it, but when the time came, he would have to kill her as well. He quietly told himself that is was for her own good as well as the worlds. As they all sat down for an extravagant brunch, his mind struggled for a solution to his next problem.

He needed an out for tomorrow, there was no way in hell he was going through with it, not after the emotional (and unclothed) scene that had just played out in Derry. He wouldn't lose them again not after he'd just been forgiven. But he wasn't sure exactly what he could say to remove him from the slaughter. He turned his eyes to the ceiling as he went through and rapidly discarded various excuses. Being a Noah and constantly in the peak of health, he couldn't exactly pretend to be sick.

Denis leaned over to make a dirty joke about the way Analyse was watching him and Neah responded with a good natured punch to his brother's shoulder. No one at the table would have ever expected that their calm and mischievous little brother had just double crossed them-yet again- and was currently thinking of a way to escape their mission. He allowed a fraction of his frustration to show on his face as he stuck out his lower lip in thought.

Could he possibly say he overslept?

"Neah? Neah…" A pat on the head pulled him from his thoughts, he looked up. "Brunch is over my boy." Neah was pulled back from his thoughts and found that the table was indeed empty except for the Millennium Earl standing over him.

"Are you alright?" Neah smirked and said a nice, pretty sounding lie. Over the years he had become quite adept at bullshitting the Earl. The added euphoric knowledge of his friend's love gave him an additional boost to be all the more convincing. As he grinned good-naturedly up at his Lord, his eyes burned with passion_._

_I will kill you. I will avenge all the souls you stole and all the lives you ruined._

"Quite alright my boy, it has been a busy day after all. I am sorry for the surprise, but the others felt you would back out if you knew. They are all well aware of how soft-hearted you've been in the past." The Earl said jovially.

"No, it was fine, I just wasn't expecting it." A nasty grin complimented Neah's words. It was easy, so very easy to play the game now that he finally knew where he stood. The Earl grinned wider and gestured toward the open door.

"Come, it's shaping to be a lovely day, would you care to go for a walk?"

_No fucking way, I'd rather strangle myself with piano wire than spend any more time in the presence of your hideous, rotting person._

"Sure my Lord, I'd be delighted." Neah replied with a bright smile as the Earl linked arms with him and together they strolled out the door.

It really was a lovely out, despite the number of Akuma floating around and the occasional horrific screams, Japan really was coming into its full beauty this time of year. This was so weird, being out here alone with the Earl like this. It was so quiet, the Akuma were smart enough not to hang around long when the Earl was near lest they become unintentional victims of his tempers.

"The Camellias are coming in nice this year." He said awkwardly, trying to dispel the mounting tension in the air

"So tell me how did it feel, with that girl? It was your first time killing was it not?" The Earl ignored Neah's conversational question and went right to the point. He had asked the question carelessly, but Neah knew better. Pushing aside his revulsion at the question, he wondered what the Earl was getting at. When it came to his precious Noah, the Earl was never careless.

He was fishing for something, but what exactly? Better to play it safe.

"It was different, she was completely at my mercy and I was able to experiment. But killing one on one like that, it seems so impractical. You're not going to get anywhere taking them down one at a time you know." Neah said as confidently as he could while he resisted his natural desire to shudder. Soft hearted? He was pretty sure his heart was made out of clouds judging by his inability to do anything violent. The Earl nodded thoughtfully.

"Yes, very true, it's a problem I deal with every day. I must admit I was surprised to see you like that. You're always so quiet, but I've been noticing recently just how clever you really are. I just want you to know that I am very proud of you, you've taken the longest out of all the others to fully awaken, but I have a feeling that you will be marvelous when the time comes." Neah looked off to the side at some flowering Camellia blossoms as the Earl tightened his grip on his shoulder.

It really surprised Neah how easy it was to fool them. It was as if the very idea of a Noah turning traitor had never even crossed their minds. He supposed it was for the best that no one knew of his treachery until the very end. God after all this, he wondered how they would take it? The Earl took his internal musings for something else and pulled him closer, nearly whispering in his ear.

"Really, I'm serious. You're so different from the others, but you're perfect just the way you are and I have special plans for you when the time comes." He stopped suddenly causing Neah to stumble; he looked up to see the Earl appraising him manically.

"You are my most precious because you are not a mindless killer like your dearly beloved siblings, no, you have quite the mind and, more so, you can think like a human. You are the only one, I believe, who has come to appreciate the shrewdness of humanity and the exorcists in particular. I'm going to be relying heavily on you in upcoming battles. I feel more confident when you are near, I feel like your knowledge of humanity is going to give us the winning edge in this war." The Earl started walking again, dragging Neah's stunned form with him.

"You're not a common thug like the others; your place is with me at the top, watching the world burn. Will you do that Neah? Will you to work with me and, when the time comes, rule with me?" Neah opened his mouth to say something and then closed it deciding better, he opened it again, but nothing would come out, so he just nodded.

He couldn't believe it, he honestly couldn't.

He knew the Earl had favored him, but he always thought it was as one cherishes a beloved doll. And now he wanted Neah to be… even Neah's legendary composure threatened to crack. The Earl grinned even more and removed his strong grip from Neah's arm to pat his head.

Around them the Japanese night seemed oblivious to the moment's significance.

"I knew you were special from the moment I laid eyes on you. Watching your strong soul fight so valiantly against the Noah spirit, I could tell, even then, that you would be the one by my side as I defeated the Innocence and put their God in his place. Together, you and I as brothers will stand at the top and take what is rightfully ours. I'm asking you, my youngest, to help me on my quest for the world." He said wistfully, gazing off into a past and future Neah tried very hard not to think about. Neah was surprised a moment later to see the grin vanish from the Earl's face as he continued to stare into the distance.

He never once turned to Neah, but he could feel the man's beady eyes studying him. "You will always be by my side won't you Neah? You will never leave or betray me will you?" His voice, normally light and cheerful, was hard as glass and made Neah shiver.

"Should I find out you've made any unwise choices or any moves against me; I will not just kill you, I will eradicate your very existence from this world, you and anyone who has ever come into contact with you. That includes your precious human brother, do you hear me boy?" Neah nodded hastily, willing to do anything to escape the Earl's frightful voice and the future Neah knew would one day occur.

What the fuck had he gotten himself into?

The change was immediate. The grin returned and Neah felt as if he could breathe again as the Earl continued to saunter forward. "Well now that we've gotten such unpleasantries out of the way; let us enjoy our walk shall we? You were quite correct brother; the Camellias are quite lovely this year. You know the Camellia symbolizes devotion right?" He said once again pulling Neah close, though as they continued walking on, Neah doubted that he would be able to pull away anytime soon.

They wandered around for a few more hours as the Earl told Neah all his plans for the war and after. Neah had no idea what he had done to gain the Earl's trust, but he was sure it was both a blessing and a curse. While he would have unlimited access to all the information regarding the war to better prepare the exorcists for the final assault, the Earl would now be demanding more of his time and attention.

"By the way brother, I'm afraid I will need you here in Edo tomorrow so I'll be removing from the mission. Rhode is old enough to go by herself and since you're so good with machines, I want to ask your opinion about some new designs for my Akuma." Neah just continued to smile, as he said, a blessing and a curse.

When he finally was able to get away, he slunk quickly back to his room. He leaned against the door for a moment, loosened his shirt and lit a few candles for the tragically young Rachel Elior.

He wasn't sure how much God would like to hear from a Noah such as himself, but it was the least he could do for the unfortunate girl. Then he crawled into bed and cried all the pent up tears he'd held in since he first left his friends and fell into a fitful, but deep, sleep for the first time in a long time. For once the nightmares let him be as his conscious took the night off seeing its job was done.

He would destroy the Earl and his minions, but for now he would rest.

**DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM**

"Goddammit! Move already you son of a bitch!" Maria shouted in frustration. The stuffed bunny sat on the table impassively ignoring her demands. She growled and stalked over to the table, leaning her palms on it and glaring down at the partially blind toy.

"Listen Mr. Fluff Bottom, you and me, we go way back so I don't really want to hurt you. But when I tell you to move, you had better start tap-dancing. I'm serious, I know you can do it, so quit lying there on your fluffy ass and start moving."

The bunny did not shrink in fear like most other living creatures did; it just continued to stare at the world with its one gaping hole where it's right eye used to reside. She was just about to rip the other eye from the cheeky rabbit when another victim came upon her.

"What the hell are you doing?" Her eye twitched, she was not in the mood to deal with Cross's smart remarks today or anyone's for that matter.

"I could ask you the same question _Marian_. Last I heard you worked for European headquarters." She said evenly, hoping that the use of his despised first name would discourage any foolish action.

Sadly, Cross never was one to shy from dangerous situations.

He boldly stepped forward with the practiced ease of one used to her antics. It always annoyed her how he could keep his cool under pressure and boy was she ever under pressure now.

She had to get better dammit; she had to, for her friends and for everyone else.

He stopped next to her, he never turned his head, but she could see his attentive maroon eyes studying her. Dammit why did he have to be so goddamn mysterious all the time? Did he think he was cool or something?

"Well, it's nice having friends in high places. We came to see how you were doing, that's what friends do after all." She raised an eyebrow, noticing the surprising lack of 'we' in his company.

Neah had stuck like glue to them since their reunion in Derry. He'd been jittery, soft-spoken and in a perpetual state of shame since then. He never told her or Cross what had happened in Edo to make him come back, but whatever it was, it was enough to break the sweet boy's heart.

They'd been piecing it together again ever since. Cross just smirked.

"You know Lizzy, first person with a sob story and she's off to the races. Neah was at her heels, determined to do whatever he could to alleviate his imaginary guilt. And me? I work hard enough at my own base thank you very much, let them be good Samaritans and go to heaven and all that happy shit, I just want to relax for the few moments I could." Typical Cross, being an asshole to hide the fact that he actually does care.

At least he looked better, the last bits of his cold were fading and he'd probably been sleeping more thanks to a certain returned Noah. Once he was a little more stable, she was going to give Neah a good couple knocks on his head for all the misery he'd put her babies through. That still didn't help her current problem. She relaxed her shoulders as she sighed loudly.

"What the hell are you doing anyway? I mean whatever problems you have; I'm sure attacking Mr. Ass Fluff isn't going to help with anything." She glared at him which he returned with his stoic stare.

"It's Mr. Fluff Bottom for one, get it right. And two- and two..." She laid her head on the table wearily. She really shouldn't be so hard on Neah; she knew a thing or two about shame.

Why couldn't she do it? She'd done it before, during her awful failure when Akuma attacked the base. She needed that astounding ability to manipulate objects that only came out in times of desperation. She'd done it on accident a few more times, but she couldn't control it, couldn't call it up on command. She needed it; she needed to be able to protect those around her. She needed to be able to prevent more people like Ashley Scarlett from dying because she was so goddamned useless. But how did she explain that feeling to Cross, who was one of the best exorcists in the business?

She didn't need to bother him with this and instead fell back into her default state.

She smiled cheerily.

"Aw, it's nothing really. You know me, I'm just getting frustrated over nothing important and decided to take it out on a fluff filled scapegoat. And shame on you for leaving poor Lizzy and Neah to do all the work. Let's see if they're done, I don't know about you, but I'm starving." The smile fit perfectly on her, like an old familiar mask. She started skipping toward the door spiritedly.

"Cut the crap, Maria. Just tell me what's bothering you and then we'll go see what the others are up to. I know you're upset because of your Innocence, so tell me what are you trying to do. We already told you how incredible your defensive Innocence is, what more do you want?" She stopped as she bleakly pondered his words. Cross could always see through her, she could almost always fool Lizzy and Neah. Cross was just too damn observant; of course he was, he was a scientist.

"You make it sound like it's a good thing, but do you know how tired I am of not being able to protect people? There's only so much you can do with a shield, I just wish that I could fight as well, to destroy the Akuma who want to hurt others instead of just standing there doing nothing." She felt his eyes on her back_. It's quiet_, she thought uneasily at the surrounding noiselessness.

She could hide in the noise, but not in the quiet.

"You can't save everybody Maria. I've given this same speech to Lizzy a million times as she's crying her eyes out on the way back from a failed mission. All you can do is give it your best shot and hope that your efforts can save even one person. No one said this business was easy, but you can't beat yourself up for not doing the impossible." He said slowly, letting his words hang in the air.

She frowned. Right, because he knew how she felt.

He had a gun; he could shoot the Akuma and actually do something meaningful in the war against the Earl. And here she was stuck in the middle of goddamn nowhere protecting a base and she wasn't even very good at that.

_Yeah_, she thought rolling her eyes bitterly; _he _really_ knew how she felt._

Well damn him, damn his Innocence and his sympathy too.

"You don't know anything! No matter how much you pretend, you have no fucking idea! You can do something Cross, I can't, why don't you see that? I can't protect people the way you, Lizzy or even Neah can. That's why I need to get better, so I can be like you guys, so I can help too." She wouldn't cry dammit, but the pulsing headache told her that just she might anyway.

She was so sick of people pitying her, of people telling her how _wonderful _her Innocence was and how _lucky_ she was to be able to help people.

Well fuck them, she would get better and she would fight and show them all what an exorcist she was. After almost a minute of panting angrily, she realized that Cross hadn't answered her. She slowly turned to see him standing at an awkward angle. She tilted her head in confusion and was surprised to see him do the same. Okay, this was a little weird.

"Cross, are you alright?" She asked taking a tentative step forward. Without warning he fell to the ground with a loud thump, but not where he stood; he instead flew a few meters back, as though he had been pushed. She ran over to him as he shakily sat up, he rubbed his head and murmured curses under his breath. She leaned down and helped support him. "What is it? What happened?"

"What the… what the fuck did you do?" He asked as he tried to calm his shaking hands. She blinked with concern. He brushed her off and, after a few tries, got to his feet.

He leaned against the nearest wall, still rubbing his temples. She fluttered around him, was it something she said? No, it wouldn't bring about such a physical reaction. Poor guy looked like he'd been beaten up. She gingerly placed the back of her hand against his forehead, he didn't feel warm, maybe he'd just been pushing himself too hard after a cold.

He swatted her hand away again as he struggled to compose himself.

"What the-what the hell was that?" He asked again, turning his hazy eyes up toward her. They were weary and bloodshot; he was coughing into his fist sounding like he was having a hard time breathing.

"I couldn't move, I could barely breathe and my head hurt like a motherfuck. And then, it was gone and I couldn't stand, but it wasn't normal. It was like, like being a puppet; it was pretty fucking scary." Despite her overwhelming concern, she was mystified by this; her mind thought back to the Akuma at the base and how it had moved almost according to her will. She could see Cross following the same line of thought as his eyes lit up at the thought of a new puzzle to unravel.

She could have rolled her eyes, _scientists, what can you do?_

He stood unsteadily on his feet as he surveyed her. "Actually that was pretty fucking incredible now that I think about. How the hell did you do that? And it was you, there's no one else in the room." She shrugged, practically throwing her arms in the air in frustration. If she knew what she was doing then she wouldn't be having this problem! He absentmindedly rubbed his wrist which was starting to calm down. He looked down at it thoughtfully.

"It was invasive; I can't really describe it any other way. I wasn't in command of my body, I mean, I didn't black out or anything… but it was like watching from outside my body, like something else was controlling me." He said quietly finally looking at her. She fidgeted under his intense glare, God help anyone who managed to incur his wrath, he could be scary as hell when he wanted to be. But still, she had a defensive Innocence, she couldn't- couldn't just control people.

She just wasn't that special.

She could never be that special.

"Let's see if we can replicate it, do it again." She glared at him in an exasperated way, she wasn't even sure if what happened was her fault, so how was she supposed to do it again? But Cross was like a dog with a bone and if the steely gaze in his eyes was any indication, he's just found his latest bone to latch onto. Might as well play along and avoid the pain and suffering.

"Now concentrate." She squared her shoulders, spread her legs and hunched over. She closed her eyes tightly willing with all her earthly might to do something, anything.

She sat like that for a minute before Cross spoke.

"That's your look of concentration?" Had she anything immediately on hand it would have smacked directly into Cross's forehead. Sadly, the fates were against her and all she could do was glare. He sighed impatiently and walked over placing his hands on her forearms with a look that on anyone else would have been gentleness, on Cross, however, it just looked condescending.

"Look, just relax. Think about how you felt when you um you took control I guess. Focus on that, and not that stupid constipation act, I mean just think about how you felt." She frowned, she'd been frustrated, self-pitying and angry, she remembered being pretty pissed off at Cross's pretentious attitude.

"I was mad at you, you were being all, you know, assuming like you knew exactly what I felt and-and I don't know it just pissed me off." She huffed, crossing her arms; he nodded and put his hand to his chin.

"Alright well that makes sense, in a way I guess. I mean this is Innocence after all, you never know what to expect with that shit." He murmured half to himself. What a day, she wished she could just tell Cross to forget it so they could have fun again or at least put up the facade of fun. She couldn't bring everyone down after they came so close to losing each other.

"You're weak." She looked up and blinked and was mildly surprised that, despite how many times she had repeated those exact words to herself, it really hurt to hear someone actually say it to her face.

"What?" she asked quietly, looking at him with wide, imploring eyes, he looked at her with an empty expression giving nothing away as he continued to stare at her.

"You're annoying, you get in the way of missions, you talk way too fucking much and you eat like a goddamned pig. How the hell are you an exorcist?" Somewhere, in the logical part of her mind, she understood what he was just trying to get her angry, to provoke a reaction from her.

But she couldn't stop the tears from welling anyway.

"Please-Please stop." At least he had the courtesy to look regretful and uncomfortable, but only for a moment. He stood there watching her as she fought her tears.

"Are you just going to take that?" He asked after a minute of listening to her sniffle. She couldn't help it, hearing those awful words out loud just seemed to solidify all the feelings she'd been harboring for years: that she really was useless and couldn't save anyone. He growled and gave her a light push on the shoulder; she limply stumbled back and turned her head to the ground.

"Did you hear me? I'm standing here, insulting you and you're just going to sit back and take it?" She didn't answer, she felt rather than saw him sneer.

"Well who the fuck are you, 'cause the Maria I know wouldn't take that shit. The Maria I know, the Maria I'm proud to call my friend, would stand up and tell me I'm wrong, would prove me wrong by giving me a good punch in the head."

"Stop it, please." She asked, the whine in her voice only adding to her mountain of shame.

"The Maria I know is an exorcist and a damn good one at that. She's a good friend and a good soldier; I've never met anyone as goddamned suicidal as her when it comes to saving people. Where the fuck is she? Where is that Maria, the girl I've come to respect?" She whimpered some more as she listened to the smaller boy yell at her. Why did he have to be so cruel? Why did he try and feed her these lies, lies that she heard but never really believed.

They almost hurt more than the truth.

Almost.

"Come on, show some backbone you bitch! Show me what you can do, show me, I wanna see you fight. Fight for your dignity goddammit!" Her fists curled seemingly against her will. Show him? Show him what? What a goddamned failure she was? All the blood she couldn't erase from her hands even with all the bounce and sparkle in the world? Is that what he wanted? Is that what she wanted? She reached out and pushed him back, he skidded back a few inches before glaring at her.

"What do you want from me? What more is there that I can give you?" She asked through gritted teeth as she held the tears back, she wouldn't let him see her cry, not if she couldn't help it.

"I want you to be yourself; I want you to act like the goddamn Branch Guardian you are. I want you to stop standing there crying about your Innocence and actually do something with it." She saw red.

"What the fuck do you know about my Innocence? You don't know a goddamned thing so don't even pretend you do! You can take your gun off, throw it across the room and forget about it, I fucking can't. I have to live with this every goddamned day and I can't even do anything with it. It's because I'm too fucking pathetic to control the power of Innocence. I wish I had a fucking equipment type Innocence so that I wouldn't feel so goddamn hopeless every time I couldn't sync!" She shouted, not caring who was listening or even what she was saying.

It'd been building for too long to be contained now, both her feelings and the tears.

"I'm not worthy enough to hold Innocence in my body. I can't control it and I can't use it to its full potential. I'm just-I'm just a fucking waste of space. Why did it choose me? Why couldn't it have gone to someone who could actually use it to help people?" Her fists still shook with anger as the tears fell in rivulets down her cheek.

"You're not useless Maria. You spend all your time dwelling on the people you've lost that you forgotten about all the people you've saved. The only thing blocking synchronicity with your Innocence is you and your fears that you won't be good enough." He said quietly, hesitantly stepping forward.

"We all care for you Maria, because you're a good person and a good exorcist. A lot of people owe you their lives. It seems the only one who can't see that is you." No, he was wrong; she was-she was…

"I'm not worthy." The sound of footsteps running in the hallway behind her flitted through her brain and was quickly forgotten.

"Yes you are, you've always been worthy. Innocence is a finicky bastard; it doesn't just bond with anyone you know. I know it's hard being a parasitic type Innocence, but you have the closest connection to it. You should be able to sync more than any of us, if you'd just believe in yourself for once." He now stood directly in front of her looking up with warm, but forceful, eyes.

"If you keep standing there feeling sorry for yourself, then you really won't be worthy. But if you embrace your Innocence, if you work hard and believe in yourself and the Innocence… then you'll be able to do extraordinary things." She looked down at him as she mulled over his words. Could the problem be so simple? Had she been hindering the development of her Innocence with her doubt?

But she-she couldn't…

But, what if she could?

She sniffled some more as a small smile appeared. He smiled back and relaxed his shoulders a bit, as if he had just talked a person off of a ledge.

"Do you-do you really believe I'm worthwhile?" she asked timidly, almost afraid of the answer.

"Of course, we always have." And suddenly it felt like a weight was lifted off of her shoulders. She took a long deep breath, what felt like the very first, as she finally understood her potential. Neah had said the same thing many years before but hearing it now, from Cross of all people, really seemed to help the idea take root.

"I-I can do it," He nodded gently at her words. "I can do it, I-I can do it!" The footsteps stopped.

"What is going on? We heard you screaming all the way down the h-"

"**I CAN DO IT!" **And then whole world shook. When she looked around a second later, Cross was at the other end of the room on his back, once again rubbing his head. And poor Neah, always the unfortunate victim of her antics, was blown back into the concrete wall, leaving a visible imprint.

"Ah, I mean, shit I'm sorry, I-I uh I don't know what I did." Cross slowly chuckled as he staggered back to his feet for the second time that day; he started laughing harder as he rubbed his neck.

"Fuck the Order, if you can refine that Maria, we won't need anyone else to bust down the Earl's door." She blushed at his praise. "Neah you son of a bitch, get out of that wall, you're messing up the paint." She ignored the sound of bones snapping back together as Neah staggered out of the wall, shaking the chipped paint and broken concrete out of his hair.

"Ah so I guess you're both good then? I'm not even sure I want to know what just happened. Thank God I can run faster than Lizzy." Speak of the devil; Lizzy appeared not a moment later huffing as she leaned on her knees. She looked between the three of them with panic and worry.

"Jesus is everyone okay? I heard screaming and- and what the hell are you covered in Neah?" Without explanation, they all started laughing. Lizzy could only stand there confused and not getting the joke.

And Lizzy and her guns did not take too kindly at being laughed at.

As they walked to the cafeteria a few minutes later, the boys with a few additional few bumps and bruises, Maria thought that maybe with a little help from her friends she could live up to the Innocence in her body and speaking of her body…

"God I'm fucking starving! Let's go you slowpokes!" With a giggle she took off running letting the stale wind mess up her hair and broad smile to find its rightful place.

* * *

_So let it out and let it in, hey Jude, begin_

_You're waiting for someone to perform with_

_And don't you know that it's just you? Hey Jude, you'll do_

_The movement you need is on your shoulders. ~ The Beatles_

* * *

Yey! Neah's back! Now you all can stop the angry reviews toward him. I'm just kidding, I love them, they remind me of me Neah hating beta. Though seriously, I've never really had the chance to thank all of you wonderful people who read and review. So I'd like to take this moment to thank April Marciano, Hollow Dusk, Dolby's Socks, Glassy, MyWitchCat, xXwolf-lover-13Xx, goldendelicious and all you other nameless readers. You all make me smile :)

I think this is also the first time since the first Rachel that I killed someone on screen. It makes me sad to write these death scenes, but as this story wraps up, I can guarantee that there will be plenty more. No one who dies on screen dies pleasantly is all I will say. When there is a graphic scene, I will put a warning at the top.

I actually seriously considered having Neah ditch the Earl and the exorcists and form his own side to the war. I had it all planned out too, it would've been similar to what does happen, but Neah wouldn't have been _with_ with the exorcists. However, this story mainly is about the friendship between the four (five with Mana) and I felt I had to continue with that. Still, it would've been really interesting...

I think that's really it, I guess I will see you all again next Tuesday and any questions will be answered if asked.

_Hey Jude_ (c) The Beatles


	16. Heartbreaker

_Disclaimer: I do not own any part of D. Gray-man nor any of its characters. I can only close my eyes and quietly play dress up with said characters in my head and hope I'm not desecrating Hoshino Katsura's work too much._

For those of you who care, Author's Notes will be at the end of every chapter and any and all questions will be gleefully answered if asked.

* * *

_Heartbreakers with your forty four_

_I wanna tear your world apart_

_You heart breaker with your forty four_

_I wanna tear your world apart_

* * *

"So are you sure it's okay that I'm here?" Neah asked quietly, tugging at the collar of his black coat. He felt fairly awkward wandering around European headquarters in the exorcist's coat of arms. After his little _episode_, he didn't feel that he had earned the right to wear this uniform, not like everyone else here. He didn't want to feel deceitful both here and in Edo.

Cross just rolled his eyes and gave him a nudge.

"Just relax; we're not going to be here long anyway. Lizzy and I will just be a minute, we need to pick up our next mission and then we'll be out. And despite what you think, you're really not that fascinating. As long as you don't announce that you sleep less than fifty kilometers from the Earl, no one will notice you." Neah smirked slightly at the thought. As they walked, he felt his guilt settle uncomfortably into his chest as he took in the few people stumbling around them.

Everyone looked so tired. He saw so many people, young and old, leaning up against the wall looking defeated and worn down. The Earl had mentioned that he had been slowly increasing the number of Akuma, but Neah had been so distant the last eight months or so he really hadn't noticed the effect it had been having on the Order. They all looked so weary.

He silently renewed his vow to stop the war, if only for the sake of the kindhearted and hardworking members of the Black Order. They deserved better than this, just as Rachel deserved better than the death allotted to her, to both of her.

Things in his life had relatively stabled out to his relief. The Earl and the Noah were just as friendly as could be, at least now he could see through their sweet words, otherwise he may have actually been pulled under. Even the guys welcomed him back with open arms and without complaint. He'd been so surprised at their complete acceptance after everything he'd done; even the usually unforgiving Cross had accepted Neah back despite his undeniably awful behavior.

It made Neah feel a bit uncomfortable, shouldn't he be punished or something?

He's only recently gathered from Maria, along with a few rather painful smacks to the head, that Lizzy and Cross had nearly worried themselves to death while he was gone. It really touched him that they cared so much, but it only served furthered his already impressive guilt.

Look at what he had done to his friends, the people who cared so much about him that they would actually try and get over to Edo to save him. He knew he had a lot to make up for, both to his friends and to all of the humans his family sought to destroy and he was determined to pay back their love and kindness.

And he would do this by casting aside all his doubts and wayward thoughts.

He was going to stay here where he belonged and stand alongside these amazing people who for some reason cared so much for him and help them to defeat the Millennium Earl. He would prove himself worthy of their love and their trust, even if it killed him.

'_You foolish, foolish boy. What are you doing back here? Every moment you spend at this castle with these exorcists, the more you tempt death and death is not a patient man. Go back, go back to the Earl and beg forgiveness, tell him what you know of the exorcists and maybe then he will spare-'_

Neah ignored the voice. That was the one good thing that came out of this whole ordeal, once he'd confirmed his loyalty to the Black Order, his Inner Noah had become quieter and easier to block out. He breathed an internal sigh of relief as the voice faded out. His indecision had fueled the little bastard and now that he'd permanently joined the exorcists, it had been blessedly quiet.

Lizzy walked on the other side of Cross and Neah tried not to make it too obvious that he was staring.

He was of course, but she didn't need to know that.

He now knew that she wasn't interested in him, or at least not in the way he was in her. What an awful and long overdue conversation that had been. She had pulled him aside shortly after returning from Derry and told him, with her hands in his and a sweet expression on her face, that she wasn't looking for a romantic relationship with him or anyone right now.

It stung, he couldn't deny it, but it was her decision and he just had to accept it. The selfish, jealous part of his brain shamefully rejoiced in the fact that Cross had also been rejected, he felt kind of bad about these feelings

… Well not that bad actually, but still the point remained.

Well whatever she said, he couldn't just stop loving her. He, like Cross, would just have to love her from afar. He wondered how Cross could remain so calm and composed even though he was surely hurting as well. Neah sighed and scratched his head in confusion. There were a lot of great girls out there; he would fall in love again or at least that's what he told himself.

'_You stupid child, you won't have time! The Earl will have you dead within the hour once he learns of your treachery. All your pathetic human exploits are useless. You will die before you ever-'_

"So what's the mission today?" He asked louder than necessary, anything to drown out the all too true words of his Inner Noah. Cross gave him a sideways glance before shrugging.

"We're not sure; it must be something pretty big though. We were requested to drop everything immediately and make time for this mission. And if that isn't strange enough, we're getting debriefed in Hevlaska's room." Neah nodded, fully understanding the significance of the event, but still... he bit his lip and shuffled on his feet.

"You're not going in with us if that's what your worried about." Neah breathed a sigh of relief. He'd only had one encounter with the ancient exorcist and it had not pleasant for anyone involved. In a much similar mission not long after he'd joined the exorcists, he'd casually strolled in with Lizzy and Cross into the humongous room.

Upon him entering the room, the giant woman's body was racked with pain. She shouted that a minion of the Earl was in the nearby vicinity. And well of course the three of them had panicked and ran from the room as fast as they could. Neah was ashamed just thinking about it, he couldn't exactly help it that he emitted a dark aura normally associated with the Earl.

He did feel bad for causing the lady pain and for the poor exorcists who had to scour their headquarters for hours looking for a threat that had fled long before. There was no way in hell was he going through _that_ again, he was hoping he'd never again have to run away from this place.

Lizzy gave him an apologetic smile, though he could see the hidden laughter in her eyes as the memory danced in her mind. God how beautiful she looked and how he had missed her when he was alone in Edo as one sleepless night had slipped into another. She turned as Cross asked her something but Neah's gaze lingered on her long after she broke eye contact.

She may not have been his, but he would always be hers.

As they reached the door to Hevlaska's chamber, Neah pointedly leaned against the wall, holding the door open for the lady and erm gentleman to enter. They entered with the assurance that they wouldn't be long.

And then he was alone.

A lone Noah in an exorcist base, he grimaced, he couldn't help but feel a little out of place here. Neah briefly wondered why the hallways were so empty, there were always people hustling and bustling when he had been here before. He then noticed two men in black coats standing down near the end of the hall. _No, not exorcists,_ he thought. They didn't have the look of imminent death that the other exorcists had.

Neah shifted uncomfortably as he felt their steely gaze fall upon him. The hair on his arm and neck stood on end as a sixth sense alerted him to their prying eyes. Such measures were essential in order to survive life in Edo.

The younger man on the right slicked back his dark blonde hair and strode over to him in a few long, confident strides. He hovered over Neah in a menacing way that reminded him vaguely of the Earl. Neah backed up further into the wall, wishing the man would give him some space to breathe and an opening to escape if necessary. The man leered in attempted camaraderie.

"Why hello there my boy, I'm afraid I haven't seen much of you around headquarters, what might your name be?" Neah brought up a shaky smile, Neah didn't know much about organization of rank in the Order, but judging by the man's superior smile and the shiny, clean non-exorcist uniform he wore, Neah was guessing he was someone in power.

Sorry, some douche in power.

"Um well I'm N-." The man waved him off

"Yes, yes, lovely name. I don't believe I've seen you around, who are you exactly?"

"I'm um I'm not from this base, I've just transferred from the North American Branch. I'm here to help a few exorcists with a mission." The man's smile grew to frightening proportions. Neah felt very, very intimidated right then as he shrunk back against the wall. For a moment he was absolutely certain that the bastard knew exactly who and what he was, every detail about him right down to his shoe size. (9 ½ for those of you wondering)

"So I see you are acquainted with Mr. Cross and Miss. Logan. _Ambitious_ young children aren't they?" Neah nodded despite the distinct feeling that this creep didn't mean it in a positive light. Not sure what else to do, he smiled hesitantly. The man smirked as he took a step back and put a slimy hand on his shoulder. As much as Neah liked the space, he did not enjoy the possessive grip on his shoulder, like Neah was just some puppet in his control.

"I like you boy, you have a healthy respect for authority unlike those two-" he gestured irritably toward Hevlaska's closed door leaving Neah to wonder what the hell Lizzy and Cross had done to piss this guy off so much.

"This is a very important mission I hope you're prepared." He paused and contemplated his words. "Do you love the Black Order boy?" Neah nodded again, wondering if he should remind the man that his name was not, in fact, boy, but he decided against it. He wasn't sure he wanted this bastard to know who he was in case he ever got curious enough to look into him.

"Well, the Order has its reasons for everything it does. No matter how callous it seems, the Order will do anything to ensure victory over the Earl. You realize that don't you boy?" Neah did not like the sound of that. The man gave his shoulder a quick squeeze before he let go and turned on his heels. The man walked a few meters before he stopped, turned around and gave Neah a predatory smirk that he **really** did not like.

What the hell did he mean when he said the Order has 'its reasons?' What the hell are they doing here?

"Actually boy, I think I'm going to pull you off this mission, I have another task I would like you to complete for me, if you don't mind." Neah opened his mouth to protest, but the man was already dragging him away. "Even if you do mind it doesn't matter, I'm not asking, Inspector Malcolm C. Leverrier is telling you."

"But they-" Neah squeaked as the door grew farther away.

"Don't worry about your little friends, boy, I'm sure they'll be fine. As for you my dear boy, I have something very important planned for you. Now come along boy, you'll thank me for this later " Neah groaned inwardly, was it too late to head back to Edo?

It seemed safer there.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Lizzy looked around uneasily as she examined the empty space Neah had been not ten minutes before. She frowned in frustration, as she took in the absence of her friend, but of most people in general. There was something wrong here.

"Neah? Hello, where are you?" She asked, looking around for her friend. He couldn't have gotten lost, could he? Neah should know better than to walk around headquarters by himself. Cross joined her and noticed Neah's absence as well.

"Did he seriously wander off? God, now we'll never find him. Well it's his own damn fault; he gets to die of starvation navigating headquarters while we're on our mission." What was going on here? The hairs on her neck were standing up in anticipated danger, but they were at home, they had nothing to fear here... right? She couldn't dispel the chilly feeling.

The meeting had been…odd to say the least.

No one had seemed willing to look either them in the eye and their orders had been pretty vague. Their Master had also not been present. General Devdas always made sure to attend their major mission debriefings and thus his absence was unusual and more than a little worrisome.

Stranger yet, they'd volunteered a friend to accompany them on their mission, but were outright denied. No one usually cared who went on missions as long as the job got done. But they were told to go with a specific group of people, the very notion made her uncomfortable. It wasn't odd to be assigned to a group for an important mission, but this just seemed so… so resolute, as if their fate had already been decided for them.

"-zzy, can you hear me?"

"Huh?" she asked, snapping out of her thoughts; Cross gave her a worried frown.

"Hey there, you spaced out on me. You still worried about Neah?" She nodded and rubbed her arms to abate the sudden chill that arose. What was it? Why did everything feel wrong?

"Yeah, a little, I mean you know Neah. But, well, I don't know, I just have a bad feeling about this mission you know? It just doesn't feel right." He ruffled her head condescendingly.

"You worry too much; I think I can see some gray hairs already." She frowned at him. "Don't worry; Neah'll get bored wandering around and just take the Ark back to Edo. We'll be sure to point and laugh at him once we're back. As for this mission, it'll be fine; we'll be in and out before you know it. After all, what the fuck happens in Iceland?" A small smile rose to her face and she nodded, trying to reassure herself that she was indeed just being silly.

But she couldn't help looking over her shoulder as they walked down the hall, where the horribly corrupt Branch Chief stood near the door they'd just left. He gave her a hard smile and a cheeky wave. She couldn't ignore the shudder that went through her or the feeling that things were going to be worse than they could ever imagine.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Cross yawned. Lizzy and her paranoia seemed to be right, Leverrier was behind this mission. No other God-loving human being would schedule a mission at three in the fucking morning.

What a bastard.

Lizzy was cuddled next to him, despite the fact that her body was still; he could see her eyes constantly scanning the area. He wasn't sure what she was so worried about, but whatever it was, it was catching.

He shifted in his boots. There _was_ something strange about this mission, something he knew tangentially, but still couldn't quite pin down. But he couldn't let his unease show, not with Lizzy freaked out enough at it was.

And Neah goddammit, where the hell _had_ he disappeared to? Neah knew better than to wander around without them, especially with his penchant for getting lost. He sighed, those were questions for another time, for now their boat was here and the others were getting impatient.

"Hey, can we get on now? We've been standing here for twenty minutes." Now Cross wasn't one to be squeamish or intimidated, but the Rorschach twins were fucking scary as hell. They were a few classes under them, but they'd graduated really early and had already been on a ridiculous number of missions. Having graduated early himself, Cross had a healthy respect for people who had gotten their rose crosses due to skill and not age, but still... Cross unconsciously averted his eyes as their gaze swept over him.

He didn't like the way they held their weapons with a look in their eyes that said they were willing to attack anything that stood in their way, Akuma or not, and like it. He didn't like the oily feel of death in Erik and Laura's cold, hard faces. Another exorcist, Froi Tiedoll, did not share Cross's sensibilities and with a bright smile and clapped a hand on each their backs. Cross raised an eyebrow; the older boy had to be suicidal.

"Come on; let's not be angry before we've even gotten on the boat. Let's start this mission off on a good note." The matching glares they gave Tiedoll would've surely turned him to ash if not for Klaud's timely appearance.

"He's right children, now behave." She said sternly, treating them with an intense glower of her own. They snorted, but ceased their glaring while Tiedoll continued on unawares. Cross shook his head; Klaud was either insane or saintly to take those two on as trainees. Lau Jimin, equally upset as his Master at the inconvenient time, chittered anxiously around her shoulders. He caught her eye for a moment and he gave her a light smile and she turned away. She certainly had grown up these last few years -Klaud, not the monkey- and had turned into quite the beautiful woman.

All her dedicated hours of practice had certainly paid off and she was now acknowledged as one of the better exorcists, easily surpassing many men far older than she was. Cross still felt kind of bad about how he'd treated her at that first exorcist's ball and her cool attitude toward him showed that she also remembered his shameful behavior. Maybe if he got the chance he'd apologize to her.

Tiedoll was right in that it wasn't bad to start a mission with bad blood. You never knew when you might need your rival to survive.

"You kids gonna stand there all day or what?" The Captain shouted at them causing them to jump.

"About damn time." Erik said as he stomped forward and brushed roughly against the older man. Tiedoll and Klaud walked aboard and, being the gentleman that he was, Tiedoll was carrying Klaud's bag while Klaud apologized to the Captain for the children's behavior.

Cross stepped forward, only to feel Lizzy resist, he gave a soft sigh and put a hand on her head.

"Hey come on now, I know you're worried, but we have to go. It'll be fine, don't worry." He said, ruffling her hair just the way she hated it. She frowned and swatted his hand away before cautiously stepped onto the boat. Whatever it was that was bothering her, he hoped it went away soon; he didn't want her running around chasing Akuma feeling insecure.

Following her onto the boat, he himself couldn't help but stand next to Lizzy at the railing, longingly watching the dock fade into fog

This was the hour of the devil and he wondered just what it was that awaited them in Iceland.

**DGMDGMDGM**

'_Lizzy! Lizzy! Dammit Lizzy answer me!' Cross shouted, running in no real direction as he searched the never-ending blackness for his best friend. It hurt to run, it hurt to breathe, it hurt just to think, but somehow he had to keep moving._

_He couldn't for the life of him remember what he had been doing, all he knew was that Lizzy was in extreme danger right now and needed his help. He only prayed he would have to strength to fight whatever threatened his friend._

_A light shown behind him and he turned to see the strongest woman he knew lying in a pool of blood. _

'_Lizzy!' He shouted running back toward her still body. Once he reached her, he knelt down on the dusty ground and shakily held for her head which lolled unpleasantly in his hand, oh no, not her, please not her. _

_Jesus there was so much blood. _

'_Lizzy, come on, you can't die on me now. Dammit I-I won't let you! Now come on, wake up you stupid bitch!' Her eyes fluttered lightly open and stared up past him toward the endless sky. Fuck he couldn't do anything; he couldn't get his hands to work, dammit why couldn't he protect her? Blood dribbled slowly from her pale lips. Something wet fell on her face before sliding down, was she crying? _

_No, he realized as more flakes fell; it had somehow started snowing without his notice. He ran his hands over her scalp searching for the injury causing all this blood, he growled as he couldn't find anything through her matted, blood soaked hair. Her head shifted under him and leaned against him with her blank eyes staring up at him._

'_Allen's a nice name, don't you think?' she asked softly, barely above a whisper. He marveled at this as her lips never moved, her voice instead echoing in the cool, dead air. Her eyes were peaceful as she reached up to touch his face, smearing her blood across his cheek. _

'_Please take care of him Cross, no one else can.' _

_With that said, the pentagrams began to appear. 'No, No, No, No, No! No Goddammit! Lizzy! Lizzy!' He gripped her shoulders, yelling and shaking her. But he was too late, she was already ash slipping though his shaking hands. _

_And all he could do was watch. _

_He wasn't sure how long he sat there, watching the last remnants of Lizzy slip away like sands through an hourglass. He almost didn't care when the Millennium Earl's massive shadow was suddenly in front him, bearing down on him with a malicious, hateful grin. Cross couldn't even look up at him as he stared at his bloodied hands which had failed to protect Lizzy._

'_Looks like you were too late; it seems your detestable God isn't too kind to his chosen ones. Tell me, would you like to join her, my boy?' Cross's first thought was to just lie down and pray that death came quick, after all, what was there to live for now that Lizzy was gone? _

'_Please don't leave me alone.' A little boy's voice requested weakly, taking the Earl's place in front of him. 'You're the only one who really knows me, please help me.' Cross couldn't place it, but the voice seemed so familiar, like a ghost from his past, or his future. He fisted his blood stained hands._

_The kid was right, he couldn't die yet, he still had too much to do before he followed Lizzy to his final reward. But what-what was it he had to do? A bright light penetrated the blackness and he brought his hand up to his eyes, drowning his view of the little kid._

"_Please help us Cross."_

"_Don't leave us Cross."_

"_Cross"_

"_Cross"_

"Cross, wake up. You're having a nightmare." He jolted as he was pulled from his subconscious. He breathed heavily against the chair he was in, gasping for much needed air. His hand immediately flew to his Innocence, but relaxed his grip once he realized that he was in no real danger. He brought his hand up to rub his eyes as the last bits of the dream slipped away, but the image of Lizzy refused to leave as quietly.

"Are you okay Cross? You look awfully pale, would you like some water?" He shook his head as he continued rubbing his eyes, searching for his grip on reality.

What had dream Lizzy been talking about again? He couldn't remember but it had seemed important.

Despite his refusal, Klaud appeared a moment later holding a small glass of water in front of him. He gave her a weary smile before gratefully accepting the glass.

Their fingers brushed for the briefest moment and he thought she pulled away a little too fast to be an accident. _I don't blame her, _he thought grimly as he drained the glass. She sat down on the chair opposite him, taking care not to wake the others.

It was dark out, obviously sometime late at night when all good little exorcists should be in bed. He looked around and breathed a little easier upon seeing Lizzy lying on the couch next to him alive, drooling in a way she would deny in the morning, but comfortably asleep.

Good, he hadn't failed her, not yet at least. He then turned to Klaud, suddenly embarrassed by the thought of talking to her after everything they had been through. He coughed into his fist and tried to think of a way to apologize without sounding like an ass.

"Um thank you. That was-um that was-"

"Yes," she interrupted. "It must have been a pretty awful dream to have shaken the mighty Marian Cross." He winced slightly, noticing the unreserved bitterness in her voice. He looked down and played with the empty glass. He really was no good with women.

"Look Klaud, I, I mean, I don't know what to say except I-I'm sorry. That dance, that was really bad of me. I was a real asshole to you and I know it. You deserve way better and I'm sorry." He heard her scoff softly.

"You're sorry? Please Cross, don't apologize, it's not very becoming. Besides, I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at myself. My younger, doe eyed self who was completely taken in by the charms of an older, vivacious exorcist." She sighed and rested her head in her hand and turned to stare at the wall.

"I don't think you remember the first time we met, but I do, with startling clarity. It was my third week at the Order and I had gotten myself hopelessly lost in the hallways, I was trying to orient myself when you came along. You smiled and you helped me back to my room and told me about the mission you just came off of and even gave me some tips on Akuma hunting. When you left, I just about collapsed on my bed. I don't think I slept at all that night, I just sat there staring at my ceiling with dreams of love dancing through my head."

Cross blinked uncomfortably as he could not for the life of him recall the event she was talking about. She didn't look at him and he didn't know what to say, he honestly had no idea that she'd been so... He opened his mouth to speak, but she continued.

"I actually followed you for a while; there was a point where I knew your schedule better than my own. It was sad and pathetic; I was a thirteen year old girl hopelessly in love with a guy I barely even knew. But you were the pride and joy of the Order, one of its top exorcists and I was just a little girl with a monkey and a crush. So I practiced. I worked night and day with Lau Jimin, forgoing any kind of social life in order to get better. I worked so hard and when that first dance came around, when you came up to me and smiled and asked me to dance, I thought I would melt right there." She fingered her long bangs and turned her head to look at Lizzy.

"But you didn't love me, you didn't even know me. Nothing I could have done would've gotten you to notice me, not with the way you were looking at her. It was humiliating, watching you fight over her while I was standing right there, watching my heart break. I kept thinking that you were just distracted from a mission or maybe you'd just had too much to drink, but as the night wore on, it wasn't hard to see where your eyes were." He looked down back into the glass.

"Klaud I didn't know, I-"

"I know, and really, it's not your fault. Were you being a jackass that night? Yeah, but that happens to the best of us every now and again. But it still hurt like hell. I think I stayed in bed for three days after that trying to get over that, trying to come to grips with the fact that you would never look at me like you do her." She tilted her head and gave him a sideways glance.

"I think you know that feeling." He grimaced and smiled sadly as he brought his eyes up to look at her.

"So I'm not mad at you and I don't hate you, but you did hurt me. So I don't want you acting all friendly to me and I don't want you trying to make it up to me. I just want you to keep your distance so that I can try and put my heart back together again and maybe find someone who will one day return my feelings." She finished quietly, finally turning her head so that she was looking at him directly. Her face was cold and passive and bore a seriousness that looked wrong on her delicate face.

Cross fiddled with his glass which he set upon the table with a sigh. God, he sucked so bad with this kind of emotional talk.

"Well do we have to break it off entirely?" He asked hesitantly, she looked at him icily.

"I can't promise you anything and I can't say anything will amount from it, but you're a good person and a damn good exorcist. I'd really like to get to know you, not some starry-eyed girl, but the person you've become. Is it all possible that we could put aside our differences and just be, you know, friends?" He asked. Her face was expressionless as she held her finger to her lips studying him. Just when he was beginning to get uncomfortable in the silence, she spoke softly.

"Why? Why didn't she return your feelings? I know how much she cares about you, so why?" He brushed some hair from his face as he looked down at Lizzy who remained blissfully asleep. It still hurt, but now that the open wound was starting to heal, he began to see her reasons. He smiled and gave Lizzy's head a quick pat before turning back to Klaud.

"It's because she cares. She cared enough for me and Neah not to ruin our friendship over something as fleeting as romance. We'll always be there for each other, for the rest of our lives, and she wanted to make sure that nothing would ever come between us. I can't say I'm not upset by it, but I understand and maybe someday I'll be able to accept it. She's my best friend and so no matter what I am to her, I want to be by her side and to keep this great thing we have together." Klaud slowly returned the smile and Cross decided she was indeed very beautiful. He really would like to know her, not as a lover, but as a friend.

"Marian Cross, you are truly something else. Don't worry, if you stay just the way you are, you'll never be in want of friends and lovers. And even if you do change, people will still remember the great person you are now. Please watch over Lizzy and keep her safe, I just hope she realizes what a catch she has." She said as she reached over and gripped his hand. Nothing happened, but her hand lingered on his for a few seconds longer to be an accident. She drew back into her chair calmly.

"Now then, it is an ungodly hour in the morning and we arrive in Iceland about midafternoon tomorrow. I suggest you try and get as much sleep as you can before then." She said lightly as she closed her eyes. As she spoke he could feel his own eyelids drooping. But one last question before sleep claimed him.

"Hey Klaud, I meant to ask, but what were you doing up?" She smiled again.

"The same thing that woke you up. It seems the dream world hasn't been kind to either of us this evening. I'd written the night the off, but you know, I think I just might get some sleep tonight." With that they both leaned into their chairs and promptly drifted off into a thankfully dreamless sleep.

**DGMDGMDGM**

"Laura, would you please put your knives away, I think I speak for everyone when I say you're making us all nervous." The Laura's green eyes bore all the warmth of a dead fish, but she complied none the less listening to her superior and slipping the six Innocence blades back into her sleeves. Cross dimly wondered how she did this without stabbing herself and then realized he really didn't want to know.

"Already ya crazy kids, I don't know what the 'ell you want out 'ere in the middle of godamned nowhere, but we'll be landing on the shore in about ten minutes so get yer asses ready." Lizzy thanked the Captain as he wandered away, muttering something indistinguishable. Cross cast yet another worried glance in Lizzy's direction as she fidgeted with her holsters.

Cross had thought that three days on a boat would mellow out her paranoia, but if anything, it had only gotten worse. She was sleeping and eating alright, he made_ damn_ sure of that, but she was tense and constantly searching for some invisible adversary. He swung his shoulder in slow circles to loosen them up; he wanted to be prepared for whatever it was that was out there. He just wanted this mission to be over, he wanted Lizzy to stop being so goddamned anxious and he wanted to know where the hell Neah had gone to.

That bastard should be here calming Lizzy's nerves with him.

Neah was better at that sort of thing.

"So does anyone have any idea of what we can expect out there?" Klaud asked as she finished tying her hair up. There hadn't been any extreme difference in Klaud's behavior this morning, but he liked to think that she had been a little less chilly to him than she had in a while. Tiedoll sighed as he took off his thick glasses to wipe away real or imagined dust.

"I have no idea; I don't even know why we're all here. I mean, six fully trained exorcists seems a bit extreme for a mission like this. This is just a recognizance mission right?" No one said anything because no one really wanted to know the answer.

Whatever let's just get this over with.

"Alright, well we're here anyway, might as well make something out of it. I guess we should head inland, see what we find. I think there were scattering of villages around, though I heard that some of them are abandoned." A couple people shifted as they wondered what the hell would cause the stubborn, territorial people to abandon their homes.

They didn't have much time to think about it as they felt the ship lurch indicating that they had arrived at their destination. Instead of exploring the small Danish colonies where Akuma would most likely hide, they had been ordered to investigate the empty tundra. He groaned, great, this was exactly what he wanted to do. _Keep yourself together, not just for Lizzy, but for them all. _

"Everyone ready? Let's go."

He opened the door and felt the bitter wind rush into them. Lizzy held up her arm to deflect some of the wind. She slowly stepped outside braving the elements and stepping onto the hard, frosty land. The others followed suit clutching their coats closely to keep out the blustering wind.

"Jesus is it windy." Klaud muttered as she pushed her long bangs from her face. _No kidding,_ he thought as he tugged his own unruly hair into a tail. He turned and saw the boat begin to back out.

The Captain had said he some errands to run in Greenland and that he would be back in a few hours, but would they even be here? Or what if they were and he didn't come back leaving them stranded?

He shook his head, dammit Lizzy's paranoia was just getting to him, they were going to be just fine.

Really they were.

He scanned the landscape; shit there really was nothing here. He groaned, they came all the way here only to wander around this godforsaken rock for hours and not find a thing.

Goddamn Central and their useless missions. What the hell was Lizzy so worried about?

"Well standing here sure as shit isn't going to get anything done, let's move out." He trudged forward, going against the nigh demonic wind. They spent an hour like that, pushing further inland as the wind howled around them.

_Thank you Central,_ he griped bitterly, _Thank you for completely wasting my time._

He had no idea what they were supposed to be doing, there was nothing here, nothing to investigate, no Akuma to dispose of… For a terrifying moment Cross thought maybe Central really did intend to leave them here, get rid of all the kids who were causing them trouble in one fell swoop. He frowned, no way, that wouldn't work, they had the boat coming back and people were expecting them.

_But still_, he thought, looking around his surroundings warily. He couldn't fucking wait to get back home.

"I see something." Laura said, just barely being heard over the roaring wind. She pointed one of her knives in the distance where, sure enough, he could see a small scattering of houses. He nodded as he indicated to the others to stay close and stay alert.

Okay, well at least they had something to do now.

They continued on in silence as Cross tried to block out the apprehension leaking into his heart. There was something weird about this whole thing, why Iceland? As far as he knew, there had been no accounts of any Akuma activity. So then why send out exorcists? The wind didn't provide much of an answer nor did he expect it to. _Worry about that later, deal with this shit now, _he thought.

They came upon the village within a half an hour, but he could tell from even before they entered the threshold that no one was home, not for a while at least. Some of the houses were standing, but a lot of them were outright destroyed. Pieces of wood and furniture lay everywhere, it looked like a warzone. Whatever had come through here hadn't been good.

"Maybe, maybe it was this wind. It's pretty strong; it might be able to take down a house." Tiedoll volunteered uncertainly as he examined the remains of a house's foundation. Cross shook his head slowly as he thought. These people were sturdy, harsh and durable like the landscape and they would certainly build their houses to suit the strong winds. Whatever was going on here wasn't good and for the first time he thought Lizzy's fears might be justifiable.

"It was an Akuma." Lizzy said heavily as she leaned close to look at a wall. He stepped closer. There was indeed blood on the wall with pentagrams covering the surface. She gave the wall a light tap with the butt of her gun and the whole structure fell apart. The other gun was removed and she held out both defensively, looking around for something to shoot at.

"Everyone stay sharp, the Akuma might still be around. Let's stay together and check out the rest of the houses." They nodded, and with their own Innocence at the ready, the rest of them scanned the area for Akuma. Cross fingered Judgment, but held the gun low. The remaining houses revealed little else; there were a few other traces of Akuma blood but…

"This is old, this happened a while ago." Cross said softly as he picked up the broken remains of a plate. This happened long before they came and there was nothing they could do about it now. He stood up.

"We should keep moving, there's nothing else to see here. Maybe we'll find the Akuma who did this up ahead. If we hurry we might be able to save another village from this tragedy. " Lizzy didn't say anything but to anyone who knew her, her body language spoke volumes. He walked up to her and put a hand on her shoulder.

"There was nothing we could do Liz. I know it hurts, but we have to go. We have to see if we can be in time to help someone else." She looked away, not acknowledging him, but not ignoring him either.

"Is it really a good idea to wander so far from the shore? What if we get lost?" Klaud asked suddenly, casting a backwards glance where the ocean was just barely in view. Any further and they wouldn't be able to see it at all. Cross shrugged, looking at the back of Lizzy's head for another moment before addressing the others.

"I know, but it's a risk we're just going to have to take. We do have a job to do and with Akuma running around, we can't afford to slack off." Klaud nodded with understanding, though she didn't look too happy about it. Lau Jimin chirped forlornly as he cuddled into his Master's coat to shield himself from the cold. Cross knew how the poor guy felt. He frowned and continued walking forward.

"Let's keep moving." Lizzy stayed behind for a minute letting the wind play with her hair before she followed at a distance. He sighed and slowed up so he was next to her. The grip on her pistols was tighter than was really necessary.

"Lizzy there wa-"

"You feel it too don't you? That tingling sensation in the back of your head that tells you that something isn't right?" He didn't answer; his posture quite clearly expressed his feelings on the matter. She growled with suddenly frustration as she kicked that the dry gravel.

"What the fuck is going on here Cross? I've been at my wits end this entire time and I can't figure out why. When something's wrong I can usually understand what it is, but this is just- I just don't know." She sighed forlornly as her anger dissipated. He could only sigh.

"I don't know what to tell you. All we can do is move forward, keep our heads up and the get the fuck out of here and back to where things make sense." She smiled, it was small, but it was there.

"I truly wish life was as easy as you make it out to be." He smirked.

"Yeah, but easy isn't fun." She gave a half-hearted swipe at his shoulder.

"Yeah but easy keeps you alive." She said as he easily dodging her listless attack

"Come on lovebirds break it up, we have enough problems as it is." Tiedoll said cheerily up ahead, sounding damn near content as he walked through the howling wind. And for a minute, things were nice.

And then bullets began to rain down from the sky.

They dove out of the way, but they had nowhere to hide in this dead and barren landscape. They were completely surrounded with nowhere to run. Ten, twenty no, more like fifty Akuma hovered above them almost blocking out the sun with their sheer numbers. Cross gulped as he spotted a few level three's in the crowd. One ugly level two came forward and grinned.

They were so unbelievably fucked it wasn't even funny.

"Exorcists, just what do you think you are doing here on our little island paradise?" Cross didn't have time to further contemplate it's words when the bullets came again. At least this time they were marginally more prepared.

He and Lizzy were shooting like crazy, he could feel the shells bouncing off his feet and his mathematical mind briskly wondered how many rounds they had gone through. But whatever the amount, it wasn't even making a dent in their numbers.

Tiedoll and Klaud had summoned their respective creatures and were knocking Akuma down left and right. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the twins were running back and forth using their Innocence to decimate anything in their path.

But it wasn't enough, not even fucking close.

The number of Akuma only seemed to increase and it was only a matter of time, they were fighting a losing battle and everyone there knew it. The real question was what were they going to do about it?

About two hundred meters to their left was a small forest which could at least provide temporary cover from the Akuma, but there was no way for them to get over there safely.

"Cover me, I have a plan." He didn't know who said, but whoever it was, they'd better work fast. They could only dodge the bullets for so long before someone got hit- a scream pierced the air and Cross whipped his head around automatically.

At the same moment he registered two things.

One, that someone had pushed him out of the way as he saw a bullet stream past his face and two, the world became a heluva lot whiter.

In the next second he realized that the bullets had stopped, or more accurately, were being stopped. Tiedoll had his staff buried in the ground as a small white jungle covered them. He slumped to the ground in exhaustion as they all caught their breath.

"Don't get too comfy, this is still new for me and I think I can only hold it for fifteen minutes at most." Tiedoll breathed heavily already beginning to show signs of strain as he gripped the staff for support.

He'd worry about him later; right now he had the others to worry about.

He made in over to the twins in a few long strides. He hovered over them as they composed themselves. Erik had on an expression of worry and fear that surprised Cross as he had never seen him look anything but arrogant or pissed off.

Laura was deathly pale and she grit her teeth as she held her right arm under her left.

There was a lot of blood.

"Shit, Lizzy, Klaud, get over here and help me. Do we have anything we can use as a bandage? Laura, let me see how bad it is." She then smiled a truly awful smile.

"I appreciate the concern Cross, but I'm afraid it's all over for me. Even if I do manage to survive the blood loss, The Order has no use for a cripple." She said revealing her right arm which now ended a few centimeters above the wrist. Christ was it bleeding a lot.

It was a clean cut and he suspected that it was a self-inflicted wound; she'd probably gotten grazed by an Akuma bullet and had severed the hand to keep the virus from spreading. Dammit this was his fault, he had led them here and now a girl had been forced to cut off her own hand because of his mistake. Klaud was by their side in a minute bandaging the wound with some ripped cloth while Lizzy undid her belt so that they could make a temporary tourniquet.

It was thankful and depressing how calm and collected they were at such grim work.

Erik, totally breaking his usual character, huddled over his twin with concern and anxiety. Despite being in the way, no one quite had the heart to push him away, not when he was practically choking on his fear for his family.

Taking his eyes off the girl for a moment, Cross cast an eye over to Tiedoll who was looking worse by the second. Leaving Laura in the girls' care, he wandered over to the older man and knelt down beside him.

"How're you doing Tiedoll?" He asked, the guy was too polite to give a snarky reply to such an obvious question, but Cross wasn't sure what else to say.

They weren't just between a rock and a hard place; the rocks were grinding them into the dust.

He was pressed to imagine a way out of this. He had thus far avoided complete panic by keeping his mind as busy as possible but as the moments slipped away, that calm threatened to break. Tiedoll sighed wearily.

"I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up. How is Laura doing?" For all they made fun of him, Tiedoll really was a great guy. Who else would be exhausted beyond measure to keep up a shield and still ask about oth- Cross straightened up, Neah!

Wherever that Noah motherfucker had wandered off to, he could most certainly get them out of this.

Not only could he command Akuma, but the Ark could get them home. He frowned raising a hand to his lip, but such action would put him at risk, with so many Akuma around the Earl was bound to notice his youngest Noah saving a group of exorcists.

Would he be willing to risk his friend's life for all of their lives?

Could he even ask Neah to do something like that?

He scooted back over to Lizzy. He needed a second opinion and she was just as much his friend as he was. He was tired of making bad decisions; he needed her wisdom right now.

"Hey can I borrow you for a second?" She glared at him and pushed some hair out of her eyes leaving a bloody smear across her forehead. Laura looked no better despite their best efforts as Klaud futilely tried to stop the bleeding.

"I'm busy if you-"

"Yeah but that girl's life and our own for that matter, won't be worth shit if we can't figure a way out of here before Tiedoll's shield comes down." She looked up the white barrier as if noticing it for the first time. She bit her lip as she played out her worst nightmares in her head. She nodded and stood up.

"Do you have any ideas?" She whispered back, taking a few steps away from the others.

"I do, but I don't like any of them. You and I both happen to know a certain young Noah who could get us out of here without fail." She gasped lightly as she held her hand to her mouth as she understood the implication. She slowly shook her head.

"N-no, we can't… we can't ask him to do that Cross. You know what the Earl would do to him if he caught him and with all the Akuma there is no way for Neah to go unnoticed." Cross nodded, a bit surprised by the relief that coursed through him.

No, her confirmation only strengthened his resolve. If this really was it -_Oh Christ they were going to die- _he wouldn't drag his friend down with them. He didn't know what he and Maria would do without them, but they still might be able to stop the Earl by themselves, if not, at least they'd be alive.

Lizzy leaned in his shoulder without warning, feeling the early stages of panic beginning to well in his chest; he tightly held her lithe form. Despite the fact that he would give just about anything to save her, he couldn't help but feel a little better that he would be able to hold her right up until the end.

"I love you." She whispered harshly, fighting to maintain her composure, even now when hope seemed all but lost. He leaned into her hair and sighed giving it a light kiss.

A few months ago he would've been ecstatic, but now he knew better.

Now he knew the real meaning behind those three simple words.

"I know." They only stood there for about a minute when he pulled her away. "But we're not dead yet, so let's try and kick as much ass as we can before we, you know, kick it. We're certainly not going to take this lying down." She gave a short, nervous laugh and brushed her hair out of her face, smearing more blood.

"Yeah, right of course. Um can we think of any other solution than um…"

"It's a long shot" -_more like fucking impossible-_ "but there's a forest I'd say about two hundred meters that way. Maybe if we can shoot our way through those Akuma we could get there and-" _and then what? _He thought hysterically, they were in the middle of goddamned nowhere. How did they expect to escape from, much less defeat, all of those Akuma?

There was no one here to save them and they were rapidly burning through their options. _Dammit I can't think like that. Think about Lizzy and everyone else! Are you going to just give up and let them die along with you?_

"Well it's a start I guess, if we could just get over there…"

"Then we'd be alive for another few minutes and that would be more than worth it to me." He said placing his hands on her shoulders as he steadied his voice and his determination. She smiled.

"Klaud, how is Laura doing?" Lizzy said, breaking away from him and striding back over to Klaud and Laura. "Cross, can you get over here? We should move her to that rock over there so she can sit up, see if we can keep her conscious."

He smiled. He'd said it before and he'd say it again, what a girl.

Laura was pale and barely alive as he picked up her tiny frame. Her head lolled unnaturally into his coat as her intense green eyes stared up at him. Even half dead, the girl was still pretty damn intimidating.

"How are you going to get out of here?" She asked weakly through bloodless lips. The girls could only do so much with the materials available, Laura was rapidly bleeding out onto the cold, hard ground and there was nothing they could do about it.

"Don't worry, everything will be alright, and we're _all_ going to get out here alive and then we're going to kick Central's ass for this." He must have been going crazy because he thought he saw her smile. She moaned as she let her head rest on his shoulder. He gently set her on the ground, but she still wouldn't let go of him. Just how much blood had she lost? Jesus she really was going to die.

"I'm sorry." She whispered in his ear. "I'm sorry you have to be dragged down with us." Against his better judgment, he began stroking her hair much like he did to Lizzy. What would he do if this was Lizzy here bleeding out, slowly dying-

"Don't you dare try and blame this on yourself kid; we just drew the short stick on this mission. And don't talk like that; you're going to be just fi-" She coughed and her remaining hand gripped his for support. She slowly shook her head.

"I'm so tired of killing anything and anyone the Order t-told us to. It just didn't matter before, it was better than-than living in the streets a dirty orphan with no-nothing but a few k-knives. But I just couldn't do-do it anymore; they asked us to kill a family who had j-just lost a beloved father. They asked us to k-k-kill five kids, a g-grandmother a-and a widow. W-we re-refused. We-we knew they would probably try and g-get rid of us, we were-were a lia-liability a-after all. I'm just-just sorry that they had to-had to drag su-such nice people into th…is w-w-with u-u..s." Cross wasn't sure what was worse, the awful tale the girl had just related to him or the fact that her body had become completely limp in his arms and he suspected that she wouldn't be moving again anytime soon.

"Laura! Laura! Wake up! You promised that you wouldn't leave me. You promised that we would be always together, you can't leave me!" Cross stepped aside as the boy, and he was still a boy despite his demeanor, hugged his sister's empty shell.

Anything of importance had already gone to the place where all good kids go, even the ones with dirty souls. Cross still hadn't had the time to really soak in all the information Laura had left him, but one fact stuck out like a dying light in the darkness.

They weren't meant to come back from this mission.

Lizzy's terrible hunch had been right. They'd gathered all their problem exorcists, ones who'd either pissed off Central or just needed disappearing, and sent them on a mission they couldn't hope to complete. He fumed internally as he realized just how easy it would be to write them off as more unfortunate casualties in the quest for peace.

_When_, not _if_, they got back, he was going to give Central everything they had coming to them. Klaud and Lizzy huddled together, silently mourning the poor girl they had been unable to save. Cross knew that he and Lizzy were deep into Leverrier's bad side, but he wondered what model students Tiedoll and Klaud had done to deserve such a death sentence.

Well he would be damned if he let those bastards succeed in them killing them off.

"I know this a terrible and emotional moment for everyone, but we do need to think of getting out of here alive. We still have a shitload of Akuma outside waiting to make us Swiss cheese and this shield won't hold forever. I know it's damn near impossible, but I say we head for the forest to our left. It's the only cover I could see and it could buy us a few minutes if anything." Everyone was quiet.

"We can take them by surprise, bust out and take as many of them down as we can. We can't just give up. We have to stay alive so that Laura won't have died in vain, so she gets the retribution she deserves." The Akuma continued to howl outside which contrasted to the silence within.

"C-Cross is right." Lizzy said after a moment. "We can mourn her later; right now we have to get out of this mess so that we can get her body back to the Order for a proper funeral." _Christ, _he thought, _what was he going to tell her_? The Order was all she lived for, how could he explain they were trying to kill them?

"I'll be bait, distract the Akuma while you get away." Erik stated softly, still holding Laura's body.

"No way, no fucking way, you're coming with us. We are not leaving behind." Much to his surprise it was Klaud, not the Lizzy, who shouted. Her normally composed face was irate and her cheeks were flushed as she yelled at Erik's blank face. He didn't even flinch.

"For what? So the Order can continue using me as a weapon for death? I-I could handle it before, but I can't- Not without her. I have nothing out there for me anymore. All we ever had was each other and now it's time for me to follow her one last time." Erik couldn't prevent the sorrow that stained his voice as he turned away from them.

"The least I can do is make sure you all make it out of here alive, something small to make up for all the death I've caused." He finished quietly, as he gave his sister's forehead a light kiss.

It really was a stirring moment, or at least it was until Klaud slapped him hard across the cheek.

It was strange to see Klaud, always calm and composed, look so passionate, so out of control. That was what war did to people, broke them down until only the most basic emotions remained. It was almost painful to watch as she started to cry.

"Do you think-do you think that we're going to let you do that? Do you actually think I'm just going to let you sacrifice yourself like that? To just go out there and die without reason? There is always something to live for, even in the most hopeless of situations you can always find a reason to live! You're an exorcist goddammit; you can't j-just, you can't just die! You're stronger than that; you can never ever give up! I won't let you!" She roared as Erik started dumbfounded up at her, holding his now red cheek.

"But I-"

"You're such a fucking idiot!" She shouted, dropping her head to reel in her anger and tears. Lizzy put a hand up to try and comfort her, but was pushed back. After a moment Klaud brought her tear stained face up and looked Erik right in the eyes.

"I've already lost one of you today." She said sadly, "Please don't make me go through that again. Please, I won't to lose you too." The kid was a pain in the ass at every opportunity and here Klaud was willing to do everything to keep him alive.

Cross put a soft hand on her shoulder in what he hoped was a comforting way. Honestly, these girls were just too good for guys like them. She tilted her head in his direction though he couldn't see her face through her blonde bangs.

After a minute she shrugged off his hand, though he liked to think she looked a little calmer.

"You're not alone, Erik, you've never been alone. The Order is all most of us have, we have to be there for each other because we know no one else will help us. I know Laura was your family, your sister, but we're your family too and we don't want to see you die just as you didn't want to Laura die." Erik just stared up at them.

"Family… huh…" He whispered softly looking down at Laura's cold form. "I-we, we never bothered to get to know the other exorcists. We thought we were the only ones who could understand our situation. So this is what a family is?" He asked quietly. All was silent until Tiedoll spoke up.

"As wonderful and touching as this is, we're gonna have a whole lot of Akuma on us in a minute or so. I absolutely cannot keep this up any longer." He said shakily, struggling to keep the cover up but, Cross could see it was thinning.

It was now or never.

He faced the small group.

"Alright kids, this is it. Tiedoll, kid, you guys just run as fast as you can. Klaud, Lizzy and I will keep them off your backs while we follow you. I'm not saying it's easy or that it's going to work, but it's the only chance we've got." He said soberly pulling out Judgment. "Can you carry Laura, Tiedoll?"

"I can carry her; she's my sister." Cross frowned, he still wasn't sure he trusted the kid not to-

"Are you-"

"Yes, I'm sure." The kid said gingerly picking up the soulless body. He cradled her close to his chest with a look of fierce protectiveness in his eyes. Well there was no arguing with someone who looked like that, Cross probably would've done the same thing.

"Alright, well run your ass off and if you die, I'll kill you myself." Not the most inspiring of statements, but they didn't have time for anything better.

Their cover was coming down and they were out of time.

He was glad to see that there was no Akuma anywhere near the forest, unfortunately though, they were all hovering above their shelter, waiting for them to come out. If they could just get through that, they'd be home free; it was just that first part that would prove difficult. But they did have surprise on their side; they were out of the white forest and through half of the Akuma before they were even noticed.

He took a deep breath and started shooting. Lizzy had her pistols working and Lau Jimin was taking down many Akuma, but it wasn't enough, there were simply too many.

_Don't think about it, if Tiedoll and the kid can make it out, it'll all be worth it._

"Erik! Erik get back here!" He heard Klaud shout as her charge ran past her, running back into the fray. She reached a hand out to stop him, but her fingertips only brushed against his coat. He set his sister's dead body on the ground as he hacked and slashed Akuma with his sword. As the bullets came he transformed his sword into a shield. He never turned to them.

"You said family is there for each other, well this is me being there for you. Thank you Klaud, I-we learned a lot from you, about exorcism and about life. Please let us do this for you." And then he was gone, engulfed as the crowd of Akuma swallowed him.

He wasn't dead, they could still see the Akuma falling, but he would be soon enough.

But he had effectively taken the demons' attention away from the other exorcists giving them a perfect chance to escape. Cross fisted his hands and turned away. There was nothing to be done now, it hurt, it hurt like fucking hell, but the kid had made his choice and they just had to live with it. He quickly grabbed Klaud's wrist as she started to run back after Erik.

"Let go of me, I can't leave them! They need me! Let me go!" She raged as she struggled to free herself from his grip. He could only imagine what she was feeling, if that was his kids out there… But he was already as good as dead and he wouldn't let Klaud follow him. He wouldn't lose any more people today.

"I'm sorry Klaud, he's gone. We have to go; don't let his sacrifice go to waste." She snarled at him and he thought that whatever bridges he had repaired last night had just burned down again.

"Klaud, he's right, it won't do anyone any good to go in there and die with him. We have to keep moving." Lizzy said, grabbing Klaud's other arm. The two of them together were able to drag her from the site where her two students had met their end. Cross shut his eyes tight as he tried to block out the sounds of Klaud screaming.

He was doing this for her own good.

Really he was.

God they were so close, he clenched his jaw as he forced himself to run faster. Goddammit they were going to make it, he would not let those goddamned kids die for nothing, they would get back to the Order and give them hell. Ten meters… eight meters… six… five… The bullets came down upon them again. He cursed as he pushed Klaud forward, spinning around to start shooting at the Akuma.

Lizzy paused for a moment before pulling out her own weapons.

"Go, I'll hold them off." He shouted as he shot down a few more. "I'm not going to lose anyone else. Get out of here Lizzy! I'll be right behind you! Go!" he gave her an extra push for emphasis.

"But-"

"Go Lizzy, I'll be with you in a second, just get out of here!" A moment of indecision and then she was running again, turning every few seconds to shoot and to confirm that he was still alive. Okay, everyone was safe. That was good. His trigger finger was starting to get sore as the shells piled up.

There was no way, no fucking way he was going to survive this.

_Don't think about that now, just keep shooting. _He got one particularly big one right between the eyes and it was kind enough to take a lot of smaller Akuma with it when it exploded. That was as good as an opportunity as he was ever going to get. He turned and ran as fast as he could toward the forest, Jesus he was so close. The bullets were on his heels and it was only a matter of time and probability before he was hit. He ducked behind a tree taking a breath in the temporary haven.

Cross hissed as the deadly bullets hit the tree he was hiding behind and was just about to move when he heard the sound of exploding Akuma tear through the wind. He gasped as the sound rippled through the air like cannon fire. There was no fucking way that kid was still alive, but then who was killing the Akuma?

He would throttle Lizzy if she had gone back out there. But before he could see who or what it was that had saved him, the tree above him creaked in a most unpleasant fashion.

He looked up; the tree was damaged and rotting from the Akuma virus. He began sprinting deeper into the forest to get away from the crumbling tree before it was upon him. As he ran, he heard the awful sound of splitting wood and rushing wind.

And then there was nothing.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Everything blurred together with muddled incoherency. He couldn't concentrate long enough to hold a thought down and find out what it was. Where was he? What had happened? It was dark, was it night? After a few seconds, he realized that his eyes were closed.

He tried to open them and instantly regretted it.

He let out a low moan as the light flooded him and overwhelmed his already fried brain as he closed them again. He brought a shaky hand, or at least he thought it was his hand, up to his aching head and noted there was a bunch of bandages there. Shit what had he gotten into now? He thought he heard hushed whispers somewhere nearby, but he was so disoriented he couldn't be too sure.

"Cross, are you awake? Can you hear me?" A soft hand was on his and gently removed it from his head.

"We think you've got a concussion, so you shouldn't touch those. I'm also pretty sure you broke or at the very least fractured some ribs so you really should lie still." The small part of his head that was still aware breathed a sigh of relief. Lizzy _-she has such a pretty voice, did he know that? He thinks he did- _was there and she sounded alright.

That was good. She gave his hand a light squeeze.

"That was an incredibly stupid thing you did back there and as soon as you get better I'm kicking your ass for it you idiot. If you would've… would've died, I-I..." Her voice was an octave or two higher than normal as she set her forehead on his shoulder. He really wanted to comfort her, but he was having the hardest time coordinating his movements. He heard more footsteps approach.

"How is he?" asked a voice smooth as silk and that sounded so familiar. Was it that boy again? The one from his dream? A blanket that he didn't know was on him was pulled up further.

"He's awake, but he's really disoriented. I don't think he knows what's going on." Cross moaned again as he tried to jumpstart his brain. Something had happened and he didn't like not knowing, Lizzy shushed him and brushed his cheek with the backs of her fingers.

"It's okay, don't push yourself. You're going to be fine, we'll be home real soon a-and everything will be okay. You just need rest, you- you kept us alive… I um, well the least we can do is return the favor." Another hand, not Lizzy's it was bigger and rougher, was placed on his shoulder.

"We have a lot to discuss once we get back to the Order, but for now you should sleep."

"Oh Neah, do you think he's going to be alright?" Neah, he wasn't…here, was he?

"It'll be okay Lizzy, you should sleep too, here you take the other couch." Their voices started to fade out much to his dismay. What was going on here? Neah, Neah shouldn't-shouldn't be here. He shouldn't… with that last thought, Cross slipped back into the realm of the unconscious.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Lizzy did eventually yield to Neah's insistence that she lay down, but couldn't sleep even if she wanted to. Not when her best friend could very well be dying on the couch next to her and everything she had come to believe had just turned to dust and vanished from her hands like a prayer.

How could she return to _that place_ with any sort of dignity after what they had done to her?

After what they had _tried _to do?

She hugged herself as she turned to stare at the cushions on the couch, they wouldn't judge her for her tears. Klaud was in a state of shock, she sat in the armchair sipping the same cup of cold tea she had been given six hours ago. Poor girl, those kids may have been defiant, reticent and cold, but they were her still her charges.

Lizzy could suddenly understand why Master would cry every time one of his students died; it must be a terrible, awful feeling. She couldn't even begin to guess how Tiedoll felt, he had been silent and she speculated he was wondering about their miraculous escape.

She burrowed herself deeper into the couch, hoping she could just lie there and forget the world. Neah came, they didn't call for him and he still came. He had been pulled off their _mission_ by Leverrier to do some bullshit task, he had Neah scrubbing the walls for Christ's sake. By the time Neah had finished, they were already on their way to Iceland. She shivered.

Iceland.

She'd learned from Neah that the Earl had recently set up an Akuma base there. The place was filled to the brim with excess monsters and demons. Finders in Greenland had suspected as much when they received distress signals from the island and had reported the sightings a few days before. And the Order didn't see fit to mention this to any of them.

Not. One. Word.

They were so goddamned lucky to be alive, but God wasn't to thank; it was Neah for paying attention. Apparently after completing Leverrier's assignment, he went back to Edo to await their return. The Earl and the Noah had thought Neah would enjoy watching as some stupid, unsuspecting exorcists made their way through a land crawling with Akuma. Needless to say, Neah hadn't stayed long and feigning boredom, he grabbed the Ark and headed straight to them.

If Neah hadn't been paying attention or if Cross hadn't such a damned selfless guy or any of them had reacted a second later… well they wouldn't be as alive as they were now. She sighed, pulling the small blanket tighter around her.

She couldn't even remember what excuse they had fed Klaud and Tiedoll. Neah just came and killed as many of the Akuma as he could without calling the Earl's attention and stole them away from that awful place.

When Klaud had asked where he came from, Neah had replied with a light grin that he was back up in case the mission got out of hand. Lizzy wondered not for the first time if Neah had some supernatural Noah power of persuasion because no one as smart and attentive as Klaud would ever buy such an obvious lie. Not even Neah's sweetest smile was capable of that.

He'd explained with his slick sliver tongue that they were overdue for check-in and he had caught another boat and came back early. Neah led them back to the shore and opened a gate on the Ark which indeed led them to another boat heading for England. It was dark by the time they were leaving so it was at least slightly more believable, but she could still read the completely justifiable suspicion in their eyes.

Those first few hours were awful, Lizzy just sat there waiting in apprehension for them to start demanding answers and threaten to rat them out to the Order.

But while they probably didn't know what had just happened, they had to have realized that the Order had basically tried to kill them off. So Klaud and Tiedoll would probably remain silent and back up their story, whatever it was, without ever believing a word. It seems they realized the lesser of two evils and that fact alone made her want to cry. She took a deep shuddering breath, trying to stabilize herself. Everyone was just as physically and emotional drained as she was, she had no right to complain.

She didn't know what to do. Though, as always, she didn't hear him approach, she could feel Neah's calming presence behind her. Maybe if she pretended to sleep she could avoid facing the awful reality that awaited them in a few more hours. He huffed and sat down on the side of the couch.

"Really now, I've pulled that trick enough times to know when someone is faking." She didn't respond. He sighed and gently placed a soft hand on her head. "I know it's hard, that betrayal you feel in the bottom of your heart. It hurts when something you believe in… does something like that. But you'll get through it; you're strong, stronger than you believe." His deft fingers caressed her hair with delicate ease. "But you have us; you've always had us. You have never been and never will be alone. I can promise you that. You will never be alone." He leaned down and gave her hair a gentle kiss.

"It will be alright. The boat will land in a few days and things will go back to normal. Don't worry about Cross, he's got a thick skull, he should be fine." They sat in silence for a few moments as she became mesmerized by the feel of his fingers.

"Really, do try and get some sleep, you'll have a lot of explaining to do when you back. You should prepare yourself." With that said, he lapsed into silence that lasted an innumerable amount of time.

She lay there, never moving, never speaking, the world and its troubles out of reach for the moment and a friend close at hand.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Neah disappeared not long after arriving back at headquarters almost two days later, it was of course the logical action, but with both her friends unavailable she felt so very alone. Klaud and Tiedoll said nothing, but merely attended to Cross who was awake, but disjointed. When they entered requesting medical help and to report their mission, she could hear the Branch Chief going red as he sputtered in disbelief. He recovered enough to question about the boat.

Ah yes, the boat.

Neah checked the schedule and apparently the boat was scheduled to come back, but only after many, long hours, long after they would've been dead. So even if against all odds they managed to get through the insane amount of Akuma and back to the shore, no one would have been there to take them back home.

No, not home, hell.

Leverrier saved his imbecilic subordinate from further embarrassment and spoke a smooth voice saying how delighted he was that they had returned safely. She hissed between her teeth that two young members were lost.

He offered his condolences in an even, unabashed tone.

Klaud suddenly putting her hand in Lizzy's was the only thing preventing her from throttling the wicked man. Further conversation was interruption by Master demanding to know Cross's condition. He hadn't even known they were on a mission until he had asked around. Watching their carefree Master verbally abuse the two Central officers helped alleviate some of her pain.

After Master had his share of yelling, Klaud suddenly grabbed Lizzy in a tight embrace before going off to report to her own Master the loss of the twins. Tiedoll kissed her hand, congratulating her on her excellent performance before disappearing to parts unknown. Leverrier came from behind and lightly touched her shoulders.

"You have quite the talent for surviving my dearest, an admirable trait in an exorcist. But please tell me, is each breath worth the prison you've created for yourself?" She sneered and threw off his hands as she made her way to the infirmary. Neah and Maria were already there, filling in Cross on the recent developments. Cross's eyes were unfocused and he'd probably be here for a week or two, but Neah was right, he was going to be fine. They were all going to be just fine.

Lizzy let out the sigh of relief she hadn't known she had been holding. She pushed a strand of hair behind her ears as she pondered Leverrier's question.

Was it worth it? Was life worth all the hardships endured? Cross jerkily pushed off Maria's concerned hands as she explored his injuries. Lizzy smiled. It had been a long couple of days and from here on out it would only get worse. But it was worth it, they made it worth it. She looked out the small window in the infirmary, it wasn't snowing yet, but it was coming.

She wrapped her coat around her and enjoyed the warmth her friends provided and hoped it would be enough to starve off the oncoming winter.

And it looked like a storm was coming.

* * *

_Doo, doo doo doo doo doo_

_Ah yeah, you shot the kid, he had no chance_

_Doo, doo doo doo doo doo_

_Ah yeah, Ah yeah, you stuck pins right in her heart_

_Doo, doo doo doo doo doo_

_You heartbreaker, I wanna tear your world apart_

_Doo doo, doo doo do... ~ the Rolling Stones_

* * *

Whee! I love mission chapters! They're just so exciting. First of all, I'd like to thank Going Sideways for the review and the great idea! I was stumbling with this chapter and your idea was really good and helped get me back on track. Thank alot girl! it's almost as if you knew what I was thinking! Anyways, so now the Order is unreliable and the kids are really, truly on their own in this war of their own making. This whole chapter evolved from a need to make the kids distrust the Order and everything else was written around Laura losing her hand (and eventually her life). Seriously, that was the only concrete scene I had and wrote the rest from there. Both Laura and Erik are based on X-men characters I adore, kudos to those who figure it out. Things are really picking up so get ready readers because that storm will be here sooner than you think!

Just as a reminder, I am not incorporating new DGM chapters into the story. I'll try and keep this following the standard DGM storyline, but the new chapter are so different from where I'm going that this story is just AU.

Expect the next update Tuesday the 26th, just a scant three days before my birthday!

_Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo (Heartbreaker) _(c) The Rolling Stones


	17. All You Need is Love

_Disclaimer: I do not own any part of D. Gray-man nor any of its characters. I can only close my eyes and quietly play dress up with said characters in my head and hope I'm not desecrating Hoshino Katsura's work too much._

For those of you who care, Author's Notes will be at the end of every chapter and any and all questions will be gleefully answered if asked.

* * *

_There's nothing you can make that can't me made_

_No one you can save that can't be saved_

_Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time_

_It's easy_

* * *

**YEAR THREE: LEGACY**

Neah genuinely liked machines; even the thought of a hideous, unnatural Akuma monster could not dispel from him the wonder of a smoothly running mechanism. Of course, as much as he admired them, he would never be up to the mechanical ability of Cross. Neah sighed, was it really too much to ask to be a part of the process? He put his chin in his hands and pouted.

Damn Cross and his perfectionism.

Neah rolled his eyes; he'd only co-designed the thing and stolen the necessary materials from the Earl, so it wasn't like he'd done_ anything _at all to help.

Sarcasm, gotta love it.

"Come on Cross, I wrote the schematics, I know how this thing works, let me work on it for a bit. Your eyes must be getting sore." The red head looked up long enough to deliver a very threatening glare before resuming his delicate work. Neah just continued to pout.

"I'm at a very critical stage right now, this isn't as easy as it looks you know. Once I get past this one part, I'll let you finish it up alright?" Cross said evenly as he gave the tiny screw in his hand a gentle turn. A golden wing gave a short spastic jolt before returning to its natural position. Neah smiled despite his annoyance.

It really was amazing what they were doing, they hadn't thought they could do it, but two years of playing with a design, some good Akuma parts and a little of Cross's voodoo had made this possible.

"You said that four hours ago! Come on Cross, it's just as much my baby as it is yours." Neah was very amused to see Cross sputter and tear his eyes from his precious work to glare at him.

"It is not a _baby_ Neah; it is sophisticated amalgam of Akuma technology and magic to create a sentient, self-sustaining machine capable of thought and action." Neah blew some hair from his face with a smirk, glad he could break through Cross's stoicism for once.

"Which is why you've devoted the last four months of your life solely to this little guy? Don't worry; I'm personally glad you're such a dedicated parent." Cross sneered and resumed his work.

"What are we going to name him? It's got to be a good name. Austin? Stephen? Mitchell? Conan? What do you think?" Cross didn't answer and Neah grinned, ever the troublemaker, he had to get back at Cross for keeping him out of the process. He draped himself on the table as he listed off more names.

"How do we even know it's a boy? Maybe we'll have a little girl. Emily is a nice name, I had a crush on a girl named Emily growing up, but she loved this wild boy, Heath something or other. Anthony, ah but there's that one exorcist named Anthony who is kind of psychopathic, so no. How about something exotic like Maurice? Oh wait, that's the name of that French thief Denis admires, definitely no. Hmmm, Mary, it kind of reminds me of your name, what a monster our baby would turn out to be if we did th-"

Something heavy rammed into his forehead causing him to lose his balance and fall loudly onto the floor. Neah groaned as he sat up, while he knew he was being obnoxious, he didn't think he deserved a wrench to the head. He brought his eyes up to see Cross boring holes into his head.

"Shut the fuck up Neah, I swear to God you're worse than Maria sometimes. This is not a fucking game, I'm trying to get this done and you are not helping things. If you really need something to do go get me more rivets, I need rivets dammit." Cross said, brandishing the tiny screwdriver like a weapon. Neah frowned and stumbled to his feet as he set the wrench on the table.

"I think we're out of rivets, I can go get some more from the supply closet if you want." Neah replied complacently, he really wasn't trying to piss Cross off, not after all the sleepless nights the guy had put into this thing. Neah had put in the same amount of time, but he was durable enough to handle it. Cross grunted and with a frown, went back to the tiny appliance.

Sighing, Neah reluctantly sat up to go find some rivets.

He wasn't terribly familiar with the Order's science department, but it wasn't big enough for him to get lost in so he should be alright. He shoved his hands in his pockets as he walked in the general direction of the supply closet.

He wished the girls were here, that would at least give him something meaningful to do. But Maria was helping update her Branch's security and Lizzy had come down with a nasty case of shingles and was currently being quarantined.

Out of habit, he scanned the hallway for anything or anyone suspicious. The Order couldn't be trusted, or at least the people in power couldn't be. Anyone willing to kill off its own dedicated members in order to avoid hassle was no one worth believing in. Besides, now that they were battling both the Order and the Earl they had to be extra careful about their meetings. If the Order were to find out about him now that they had tried to kill them… well, he wouldn't think about that now.

He was going to be a father soon.

His foul mood buoyed at the thought. His little boy, or girl, would be the most well-loved child on the planet. He'd spoil the little metal darling for everything it was worth. He'll let Cross be the disciplinarian, he wanted to be the fun parent. In the relative safety of the empty hallway, Neah chuckled under his breath.

He wondered if he would ever get a chance to be a real father, to bring a new life into the world, to love and nurture it with a woman he loved. He shrugged, he had to get a girlfriend first and seeing as that wasn't happening anytime soon, he needn't worry about it too much. He'd just practice on his little golden baby first.

"Hmm, Goldie, the outside is coated in gold for the best synaptic response. But that's a pretty girly name for a boy, arg, I wish I knew the sex."

"Um pardon?" Neah froze as a young boy in a large white lab coat poked his head outside the door Neah was about to enter, he was a young kid with wide blue eyes and curly blonde hair. He tilted his head as he pushed his way too big glasses up on his face.

"Did you say something mister?" Neah grinned and rubbed his neck awkwardly at having been caught talking out loud. At least he didn't have to worry about the kid diming him out; he couldn't have been more than twelve.

"Uh no, well, um actually I know this is going to sound weird but um, I'm having a kid soon and I'm trying to think of a good name, Got any ideas?" The boy lit up.

"A baby! Wow that's great mister congratulations! Um I don't really know names, do you know if it's a boy or a girl?" Neah shrugged. "Okay um how about Bartholomew?" Neah winced, "yeah, that is kind of bad isn't it? Hmm, well my older sister was named Cordelia and my younger brother was Duncan. Mother was Ophelia and Father was Antony, do you like any of those." Neah frowned in the doorway, taking note of the boy's usage of past tense. The boy shifted in his black boots as he stared at the ground.

"My family was killed when a horde of Akuma invaded my hometown of Stratford, England last year. I had already been recruited by the Order so I was able to escape the destruction, b-but it still hurts." Neah turned his eyes away in shame. Akuma were the diabolic toys of the Millennium Earl and the Noah, of his family. Neah knew that it wasn't his fault, and yet he feel the boy's sadness loss weigh heavily on his heart along with all the other souls he had been unable to save.

"I-I'm so sorry." The boy remarkably turned to him with a bright smile on his face.

"It's not your fault mister; it's just all a part of God's plan. I know it hurts now, but I know that if I do my best here on earth, I'll get to see them again someday. But even though I miss them, I'm not going to stop living my life; I want them to be proud of me when I die all old and wrinkled." Neah stared back with a stunned expression as he watched the boy smile, really smile.

Neah was awestruck. The kid was actually smiling, it was sad, but it was real. Neah was an expert at masking his feeling, at laughing when he really wanted to cry. But this kid wasn't pretending, he was hurting, but he was able to get past all of that and smile like he meant it. That was the power of faith; it could see you through the worst of times and to get through it all with a smile.

The boy's optimism was infectious and Neah soon found himself smiling as well. What a world this was, he may have had everything going against him, but somehow it would work out in the end, he was suddenly sure of it. Neah was very familiar with the art of smiling, but for once, this wasn't a facade.

This kid _believed_ in something.

And despite everything in his way, Neah believed too.

And that belief is what keeps in going even when all the light is gone, when it seemed that hope was all but loss. This kid, this wonderful, amazing, optimistic little kid, was scared and broken, but he had his hope and his faith and it seems that's all he needs.

"What's your name?" Neah asked, leaning against the door.

"Uh Hope, Timothy Hope. But please call me Tim, Timothy is what my dad calls me." Neah nodded as he studied the kid, still smiling that adorable smile. Neah brought a hand to his hair as he snapped back to reality.

"Oh um by the way, do you have any rivets? My friend needs them for a project." Tim turned and began rifling through boxes in the closet looking for Neah's request.

Hope, it was appropriate for such a positive kid.

He thought of his own little creation and the finishing touches being made to it at this very moment. It had thus far gone unspoken, but everyone knew why he and Cross suddenly decided to build the little contraption. The -what the hell did Cross call that thing again? - golem had bits and pieces of the Earl's technology in it making it capable of independent thought and movement and a little of Cross's voodoo made it all the more alive.

The key feature installed beneath that adorable exterior was the audio and visual recorder. He would be able to watch their backs and keep alert when they could not. He would be their eyes and ears in the Order so they could move about freely. Neah hated having to tiptoe around this place he was supposed to trust and he really hated that they felt it necessary to build a mechanical spy for extra protection.

He knew that he was really overblowing the parenting thing because he didn't want to acknowledge its true purpose. To do so would be admitting not only that they were alone, but that they needed protection from their own people. He tore his eyes from Tim's back as the kid continued to scour the shelves.

He didn't want his baby to be just a dirty tool. He would represent something beautiful, something wonderful just in his existence alone. He wanted the little machine he'd built to be a symbol of their hope, not their fear.

Hope.

Neah smiled, he like the sound of it. The little golem would be his hope that maybe everything just might be alright in the end. Tim turned around and shrugged sheepishly as he handed Neah a small box.

"Sorry, I guess it's pretty messy in here." Neah shrugged and, putting the box under one arm, stuck out his hand.

"Thank you. It was nice to meet you Tim Hope; I do hope we run into each other again." Tim smiled awkwardly and returned the gesture. Neah gave one last wave as he turned around.

"Oh and congratulations again on your baby! I'm sorry I couldn't help you with a name!" Neah shook his head and threw a smile over his shoulder.

"Actually Tim, you were more help than you can imagine. Have a good day and don't ever stop believing." Neah walked the whole way back with a smile on his face, his steps felt all the more lighter and his heart was content for the time being.

Yeah, things just might be alright.

If he could just muster a little hope, or a little flying critter of his own, he might be able to get through this. Cross was tugging his hair out of its tail when he returned. He raised an eyebrow at Neah's jubilant behavior as he methodically began cleaning and putting his tools away. Neah proudly set the rivets on the desk and was a little surprised at the guilty look Cross gave him.

"Um sorry about that, but I didn't really need rivets, I just wanted to get you out of the way and give me some breathing space." Cross said, removing the box from Neah's hands and placing them under the desk. Neah rolled his eyes and crossed his arms to give the appearance that he had known all along that rivets wouldn't fit the golem's compact structure.

"Jeez, what do you take me for? Of course I knew-" Neah froze as he noticed for the first time that Cross wasn't working. "Where's our baby?" Neah asked, slamming his palms on the table as he searched the bare work bench for the little golden machine. Cross merely raised an eyebrow as he carefully reorganized his screwdrivers… In that moment Neah experienced his first feeling of parental panic.

"Where is our baby Cross!" He asked, gripping the exorcist roughly by the shoulders and giving him a little bit of a shake. Cross shrugged out of his hold and shook his head with exasperation.

"Relax mommy dearest. You took so goddamned long on your wild goose chase that I was able to finish up. I _was_ going to let you do the final calibrations, but since you weren't here I went ahead without you. Little guy's up and running and is flying around somew- see, there he is." Cross explained as he opened his hand allowing the little golden ball to land softly on his palm. He grinned

"He's not quite finished yet, I've got to put in a few more components and, you know, make sure everything's in proper order. We've really gotta watch him these next few days to look for any obvious errors before they become too ingrained in his programming. I think his wings might be a little crooked too, I might fix those later-" Cross said, unable to hide the blatant pride in his voice.

Neah grinned back, what a liar, Cross totally felt it too.

Neah held out his arms and gently calling him, the little golem flew over and rested lightly in his hands, his tail swishing exuding a casual contentment.

H-he was perfect.

Only a few minutes old and the little guy was already coming into itself. Neah giggled as the little golem tentatively nibbled on his thumb. He brought his other hand out and fondly stroked its head. The logical part of Neah's mind told him that the thing was made of metal; that it couldn't feel Neah's touch physically or emotionally, but still, he swore he heard the golem purr as it settled deeper into his hand.

"Did you ever think of a name? It's not a damn baby, but we certainly can't go around saying 'hey you'." Neah laughed as the golem flapped its wings and found a more comfy perch on the top of Neah's head.

What was that poem? Hope is the thing with feathers?

His heart burned with the pleasurable sensation of little feet tapping on his scalp.

It was something he could learn to love.

"I was thinking Timothy, It's simple and sweet. He could be my little ray of hope. Isn't that right Tim?" Neah said reaching up and began fondling its feather light wings. They were both aerodynamic and durable, he grinned some more, he had to admit that they had really outdone themselves on this one. Cross made a face as he tried to wipe oil from his face and succeeded in only making it worse.

"Timothy, really? You've been sitting here for the last few hours going over names and that's the one you chose? It's not all that creative and there's like, a million guys named Tim here." Neah frowned and put his hands on his hips as he gave his friend a frustrated glare, though he imagined it wasn't very effective with Tim's tail batting in his face.

"Oh really? And enlighten me please, what glorious name have you come up with?"

"Well I don't know, I was thinking of the parts we used to make it. There are a lot of metals in that guy, gold and mercury and some special silver from this place named canpy-"

"That's it!" Plucking the golem from his head, Neah held him in front of him so he could look at his cute little face. "Timcanpy! It's perfect Cross, we can call him Tim for short. Do you like that Tim?" The little guy flapped its wings excitedly as if he understood the significance of the moment.

Neah mentally chided himself, of course he did, he _was_ his baby after all.

Tim obviously got his brains from_ his_ side. Cross scratched his head.

"Timcanpy? The fuck does that mean?"

"Don't swear in front of the baby!" Neah shouted, holding the golden ball close to his chest as if to shield him from Cross's foul words. Tim squirmed at the proximity and attempted to free himself.

"For the last time, it's not a freaking ba-"

"Don't listen to daddy Tim! He's just cranky; but don't worry, even if he won't admit it he loves you as much as I do!" He said pulling the golem to play lightly with his wings. "Who's a good boy? You are, yes you are!" Tim purred again as he swished his tail happily.

_Yes,_ Neah thought. _Hope is the thing with feathers. _

Stroking his baby, he realized something; he pulled back the little golden darling.

"Did you give my baby horns?" Cross smirked as he plucked Tim from his hands by his tail. Tim only protested for a moment before flapping his wings and settling in his other creator's thick, red hair.

"Well yeah, it's badass." Neah stuck out his lower lip and folded his arms in annoyance.

"That was not in my designs Cross, damn you, you can't do that to my baby!"

"Hey, nothing _I_ create is going to be girly, Christ he's obviously a boy and he needed some horns to give him that tough guy look? What, don't you like them?" Cross said holding Neah at arm's length as he let the curious golem play with his hair. Neah would've laughed at the way Cross's hair was sticking up if he weren't suffering from withdrawal syndrome. He reached for the little golden ball.

"Give him back Cross, he needs me!" Cross side stepped him and walked toward the door, Timcanpy now sound asleep with his tail curling around Cross's shoulder.

"He's fine, just relax. Now let's go show Lizzy, she'll be glad to see him."

**DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM**

"The Earl wants you." Neah looked up, his face not betraying the annoyance he felt. _Of course_ the Earl wanted him, he barely gave Neah a moment's peace anymore. Amora hovered in the doorway, glaring down at him. He ignored the violent thoughts she was undoubtedly thinking as he reluctantly got out of his chair. It was funny how friendly the Noah had been when he had just been the wimpy little brother, but now that he was the Earl's second in command pretty much everyone hated him.

No one said anything; no one would dare do anything to the one the Earl had so obviously favored. But Neah could still feel their gazes on him during dinner as they tried to figure out what it was about him that the Earl liked so much.

It was ironic really, Neah was actively working against the Earl and yet somehow he was still the Earl's favorite. He brushed past Amora as he stepped out into the hallway; but she quickly reached out and grabbed his forearm. She had a frightening look on her face as her eyes searched his for hidden secrets.

"I don't like you," she hissed as her grip tightened. "You're not one of us, you're just too goddamned nice. I don't know what it is about you the Earl likes so goddamn much, but it doesn't really matter to me. One of these days the Earl is going to tire of you and when you slip up, and you will don't worry, I will be there to watch you burn and then I will take my rightful place alongside the Earl." He jerked his arm away. He'd spent too long running from these people; he had nothing to fear from them. A playful smile spread on his face.

"Amora you hurt me. Honestly, just because the Earl likes me best…" She growled and stepped forward as if to confront him.

"You little son-of-a-bitch I'll-" he turned and sauntered down the hall, at a leisurely pace with his hands lying languidly in his pockets.

"Obviously it's you doing something wrong here; I would consider undergoing an attitude change if you want to win the Earl's favor. And do be careful of what you say, we wouldn't want anyone to think you're becoming disloyal now would we?" He said cheekily, not missing the way her breath caught behind him.

The Noah may have been close, a bond that went all the way down to their genes, but on the whole they weren't above selling each other out to curry favor with the Earl. The Noah were like an actual family in that respect, everyone wanted daddy to like them best.

_Well Neah,_ he thought bitterly as he left Amora's still and silent form, _it looks like you finally figured out what it means to be a Noah. Are you happy now? _As he made his way down to the Earl's study, he cursed the Earl, the Noah and the peaceful life they had robbed him of. He cursed them for what they had forced him to become in order to survive and thanked the Lord for his amazing friends that prevented him from losing even more of himself to this crazy family.

He continued his trek down the hall, the light smile never wavering from his face as he thought of his wonderful friends. Maybe he'd go see them after this, if he wasn't here all night. He knocked lightly on the Earl's door and after only a moment of hesitation, walked in without waiting for the Earl to summon him in.

Neah hadn't quite gotten used to his new, intimate relationship with the Earl. It felt so strange to be treated as an equal by the man he had cowered from for the last few years. He had to resist the urge to bow his head reverently as he had done so many times in the past. He instead sat down in his appointed chair across from the Earl and waited for him to finish playing with his dolls.

Well they weren't _really_ dolls, not according to the Earl anyway; they were figurines of the war's major players that helped the Earl 'strategize'. Never mind that he frequently enacted dramatic plays with his figures that depicted his overwhelming victory.

Just another fact Neah gathered courtesy of being the most cherished Noah.

"Neah, my brother, there you are. You sure like to take your time; I sent Amora to get you ten minutes ago." Neah didn't comment, the Earl had gotten so goddamned clingy as of late. Neah hardly had a spare moment to breathe here in Edo, the Earl was constantly calling him in for war advice, plans, mechanical help or even sometimes just to talk.

Had the Earl any shred of a human soul, Neah would have said that the man was lonely here at the top and had for some reason chosen Neah as his sole friend and confident.

But the Earl had no such soul and thus Neah was just really pissed off at his lack of privacy.

The Earl twirled one of his figurines in his hand; it was an exorcist girl with long blonde hair and black button eyes and a stitched mouth. Neah thought she kind of looked like Lizzy.

"Neah, tell me, what do you think of the exorcists?" The Earl asked thoughtfully, turning the doll so he was examining her face. Neah did not shift uncomfortably, he did not begin to sweat, he did not get on his knees and beg forgiveness for his sins. He did, however, raise an eyebrow at the Earl and smile coyly.

"Now that's a curious question, I don't really know, I mean the exorcists are against the great cause. They're the only thing standing in the way between you and vic-" the Earl waved his hand in frustration as he cut Neah off, causing him to grip the doll hard.

_Would he do the same thing to the real Lizzy?_ Neah asked himself bleakly. He already knew the answer and pondering things that did not make things any better.

"No, no, Neah, we're past that now. I want to know what you _really_ think. Not the brainwashed propaganda I've fed all the other Noah. Really, brother, I know you never really believed that drivel anyway. You're too smart for that, so tell me, what do you think of them, and please, be honest with me." Neah leaned back and carefully considered his answer.

He obviously was not going to tell the Earl that he loved the exorcists, especially his best friends, more than anything else and that he was planning on destroying his empire with the help of said exorcists.

No, he valued breathing too much to do that.

What would a more politically correct answer be that didn't sound like he was brownnosing? After a measured amount of time, he spoke in a soft, calm voice that he hoped didn't waver.

"The exorcists are inconsequential. They're at the moment just another nuisance, something to get in the way of your plans. I'm afraid I can't proclaim the strong, violent hate the other Noah bear against them. I mean sure, I was shot with Innocence, but really it only served to make me stronger. I truly have no personal gain in a heated fight against them and thus I am comfortably indifferent." A moment ticked by and then two, Neah said quietly in his chair, gripping his hands, hoping he hadn't pushed too far, hoping that the Earl had meant it when he said Neah could be honest.

A third moment passed before the Earl chuckled and tore his eyes from Neah to examine the little doll in his hands. In doing so, he missed Neah's all too visible sigh of relief which was quickly spirited away behind his carefully constructed mask.

"Such a candid response, I like it, I also understand. You're not as motivated as the other apostles by Noah's innate hatred of Innocence. I suppose it has something to do with you being the first generation of the Noah of Pride." The Earl abruptly tossed the doll over to him; Neah instinctively reached out and it landed in his hand with a dull thump.

Now that he looked closer, he realized that the doll didn't look like Lizzy at all. She was probably some General or someone else he wasn't familiar with. He gave the doll a light squeeze. Too bad, he could really use Lizzy right now.

"You have a special connection with the humans, one even your Noah genes has been unable to completely expunge. I believe it is why you were not as affected by that Innocence bullet." Neah looked away causing the Earl to chuckle again. "It's not something to be ashamed of; in fact, I find it could be quite useful in my plans." The Earl's demonic smile made Neah suddenly desire Lizzy's presence more than ever. Sadly, the not-really-look-a-like doll would have to suffice.

"Your siblings, while I adore them to pieces, are simply not adept at blending into human society. But you, you my brother have something about you that is, I don't know how to say it, assuring. People like you, seemingly against their wills. You have this charm about you that makes you likable and simply irresistible to people, myself included. It's such a strong feeling that it's probably part of your Noah ability now that I think about it. But it would work to our advantage when the Day of Judgment comes." Neah nodded as stared down into not-Lizzy's button eyes. They looked sad and scared.

Neah understood with perfect clarity where this was going and he did not like it one bit.

"Can you do that my brother? Could you infiltrate the exorcist's headquarters and deal a deadly blow to them? I know it seems like a lot to ask and I won't do it if you are uncomfortable but…" The Earl leaned over and rested a grey hand on his knee.

"It could be the point that turns the war Neah. They feel safe inside their precious little castle, but if we can cripple them there, they won't stand a chance. I'll leave the remaining stragglers to the others, but only you could penetrate far enough into their headquarters to cause any real damage. You did it once before remember? In the Asia Branch?"

Neah knew that incident would come back to haunt him, he just didn't know it would be years later here in the Earl's study with the man's confident hand on his leg. Neah smiled, who would've guessed sweet, little Neah Walker would be sitting here with the Earl at his mercy? The Earl misinterpreted his smile and gave his leg a squeeze.

"So you'll do it then? Good, I'm glad. I believe in you my brother, I always have. Now I just so happen to have a thirty-three year old Scotch here that that also needs attending to. I hope you will join me, you know how hopeless I am without you." The Earl said finally releasing his hold on Neah to reach over and grab a dusty bottle. In the few seconds his back was turned, Neah's face took on a look of many horrors as he realized what had just happened.

His mask slipped back into place with an almost audible click as the Earl faced him again with the bottle and two glasses. After pouring a very liberal amount into his glass ensuring that Neah would not be feeling good tomorrow or several days afterwards, the Earl raised his glass in a toast.

"Here is to you Neah, my brother and my most trusted friend and advisor. From here on out, everything will only go faster, faster towards humanity's demise and faster to our victory. I drink tonight to you, to the nights we have shared together and the many long days ahead of us during the rapture." Their glasses clinked together in an empty, hollow sound and Neah sipped his Scotch. It didn't burn that much going down; there was already a burning in the bottom of his stomach anyway.

He settled himself for a long evening of misery.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Neah sat in his secret room later that night. He sighed and leaned the back of his head against the white wall as he stared at his piano. Tim flew around, delighted at his presence after many hours of solitude. Neah really should have Tim stay with Cross, poor guy got so lonely here all by himself, but Neah loved having him around especially at times like this.

He took a deep breath as Tim settled on his head as he took in the room, his room, the only thing that was really, truly his here in Edo.

The floor was covered with odds and ends, papers, half made contraptions, and old clothes. He would clean up but the messiness somehow added to the possessiveness, this was_ his_ room; he could have it as messy as he damn well wanted.

So messy it remained.

The walls were also completely covered with pictures and mementos. His eyes drifted from a picture of them all on the beach, to Lizzy and Cross's coronation, to two years of the exorcist's ball, each year growing bolder and crazier in their poses. He could only imagine what would happen this year. _If there is one this year…_ he thought breaking his nostalgic feeling.

The war would be coming to a head soon and Neah would have to make his final, suicidal leap. He brought his hand up to last photo he'd put up just days before. Someone in the science department, one of Cross's old mentors, had snapped this picture, testing out a new camera that actually captured color. The colors were askew and a little muted but still…

It somehow made all of them so much more real, so much more there.

Maria of course was in the back. For once there wasn't a giant, manic smile on her face. She didn't have her arms in any inappropriate places and her usual hyperactive personality seemed to have toned down for that one second to capture the Maria he'd finally gotten to know behind the craziness. She had an arm protectively around each of the boys with a tender and content smile on her face.

Cross was in front of her to her left. Cross also had a light smile on his face that seemed so out of place on his normally stoic friend. Long gone were the days of standing slightly apart from the group with tense, unsure shoulders. His bright red hair, hung straight and unattended a few inches past his collarbone. He looked so at ease and so damn happy just to be there with them. It made Neah smile to see how far his friend had come and he thought maybe he wasn't the only one saved that day in Derry.

Lizzy was next to Cross. The camera couldn't capture everything wonderful about her, but it sure did a damn good job. Lizzy had cut her hair recently, saying that the length was getting to be inconvenient in fights. Her hair was short now, shorter, he noted cheekily, than Cross's and it too just hung down, gracing just past her chin and barely brushing her black coat. There was a stray strand of hair in her face, but somehow it made her look so natural, so Lizzy.

Neah remembered Cross having said something funny just before the picture was taken, leaving Lizzy forever frozen in that smiling laugh. For once, she was just letting go and enjoying the company of her friends. Neah thought he would never get tired of that image, of that single moment captured in time in which Lizzy looked at peace.

Finally he looked at himself.

He was on Lizzy's right in a nice buttoned shirt. Tim was on his head sound asleep with his tail curling over his shoulder. His cheek rested on the top of Lizzy's head. God he looked so different there. He looked like he actually belonged there, belonged with those wonderful people and with the Order.

He smiled and delicately plucked the photo from its spot on the wall and walked over to the piano. He set it up on the stand where he kept his sheet music. He stayed up the rest of the night, not worrying, not fretting, not thinking about tomorrow.

He just looked at the picture of his friends and the rest was easy.

**DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM**

"I hate it here." Lizzy said suddenly, startling the others out of the not quite uncomfortable silence they had fallen into. Maria looked away sadly, Cross folded his arms and frowned and Neah chuckled awkwardly and patted her on the shoulder.

"Aw come on Liz, it's not that bad here. Sure it could use a little interior decorating but-"

"I'm serious." She pouted, glaring into the walls, the unyielding, bleak stone walls. She had come to hate everything about this damned place, everything from the dark permanence of the architecture to the covetous, scheming people in it. She tilted her head to catch the others casting worrying glances her way, she sighed, well not quite everyone.

"Sorry, it's just, I couldn't sleep last night. Not with the knowledge that Central had ordered those new trainees out on a mission by themselves. I swear to God they're trying to kill us on purpose." She fisted her hand, those poor kids could barely work their Innocence, they weren't ready to be thrown into battle and yet… and yet those fucking bastards had put them right in thick of it.

She kept raging and fuming to keep herself from crying. A lot of those kids wouldn't make it back to earn their rose crosses, their damnable rose crosses, a goddamn target is what it was; no, even worse, a leash. Neah sighed in surrender and gave her hair an affectionate ruffle.

"Don't worry, one way or another, it will all be over soon." Now that was a conversation stopper if she'd ever heard on, but it wasn't like it was any surprise. It was hard not to feel it, the finality that seemed everywhere. Every time she looked at one of her friends she could see it, the end of the war was wasn't just on its way, it was breathing down their necks.

And it smelled something rotten.

The end of the war sounded so nice right now, an end to Leverrier and the other sons of bitches in power, an end to all this secrecy and pain, an end to the stress, the pressure and the awful constant nervousness that never quite went away.

But the end also meant death unimaginable. It meant that whole cities would be wiped out, the landscape would be burned and ruined, it meant the Earl had a chance to destroy the relative peace the Earth had enjoyed for the last hundred years. It meant she may very well die and that her friends would die with her. Without thinking, she leaned into Neah's hand.

God what she would do to ensure their safety? She didn't want to think about that now; she'd save that for when she was alone in her room, when no one could see her weakness.

She turned to the others with a bright, but terribly false smile.

"Sorry, I guess I'm just tired." They returned her cheery, fake smiles. They knew what she was thinking of, what they were all thinking of, but they couldn't talk about it either. It was just too much for them to handle right now, the prospect of imminent, inevitable death.

They would talk about it, they had to, eventually. Though eventually surely could wait just a little longer, right? Neah stopped in his tracks, cocking his head toward a hallway.

"Shit, it's Leverrier." He cursed. Lizzy looked up, dammit, she didn't want to deal with him right now. She didn't hear a thing, but didn't even think to question him; you just trusted Neah when he said he heard or saw something. Leverrier would have their heads if he caught them like this. They'd already gotten into trouble over Neah and Maria's presence; having them all here at the same time would only add fuel to his righteous fire and make things even worse.

There was the sudden sound of running feet and she turned and was only dimly shocked to find that she was now alone. _Goddammit,_ she thought cursing her slow reactivity. Shit, which fucking way did they go? She growled and ran towards a random hallway, it had to lead somewhere, anywhere but here would be good. The footsteps of the biggest asshole she knew did eventually reach her ears; he'd be within sight in moments.

Fucking hell, well she certainly couldn't run now. She stopped where she stood and put up an impassive face as Leverrier rounded the corner.

"Ah, Miss Logan, just the young lady I was looking for." Well fuck. She made absolutely no effort to hide the disgusted scowl on her face as she turned to face him. The quick bow she gave him bore all the intended traces of insubordination.

Just because she had to put up with this son of a bitch didn't mean she had to be sincere about it.

At least she was smart enough to hold her tongue. Leverrier had given her all kinds of thinly veiled threats over the years of their acquaintance, but she knew he wouldn't go through with them. He may have been a bastard, but he was a thorough one. He wouldn't nail her until he had his much desired proof and, at the moment, there was nothing to verify that she was doing anything wrong.

It was all a part of the greater game they had been playing for some time and the stakes were only getting higher. His forceful glare subsided and a toothy grin took its place.

"It's lovely to see you as always my sweet. I've asked Chief O' Brian to keep an eye on you kids and he tells me that you and your little group are showing marked improvement in your fighting abilities."

She sneered again, not bothering to hide it this time. Branch Chief O'Brian was a pompous figurehead who had only gotten to his position through good connections and stabbing people in the back. He cared about the lives of his charges about as much as the Earl did. She briefly wondered what it would be like to have a Branch Chief who was kind and actually cared for the exorcists.

Yeah right, not in her lifetime.

The predatory grin returned as Leverrier clapped his hands behind his back.

"I like what you've done with your hair dearest, it makes you look so refined, so mature. Truly what a beautiful exorcist you have become." He reached out and the tips of his fingers brushed against the ends of her now short hair. She didn't say anything and kept up her glare, she wouldn't let him know how much his proximity made her want to shudder.

"Thank you Sir, I'd return the compliment, but it appears something's just don't change." She spat out, hoping that if she annoyed him enough he would leave her alone. Leverrier did not get mad like she had thought he would, he did not demand she confess her treason, or try and slyly outwit her into admitting something damning against her friends.

He just smiled and made her feel very, very nervous.

"You're really quite clever aren't you my dear? You don't have to answer that, I'm sure you're already aware of this, as is the rest of this base." His smile fell a little bit as he looked down at her with a sad, almost contemplative face.

"You really are going places, which is why I can't understand why you're fighting me so." He stepped forward so he hovered directly above her; she had to crane her neck just to look up at him. The shadows fell on his face covering everything, but his frustrated fury.

"Why can't you see we're on the same side? Why must you fight me at every turn? Oh you think you are being bold and heroic with your little friends trying to combat evil, but let me tell you, everything I do for this Order is for you exorcists and for this damned war." She scoffed, was he actually trying to appear pious?

"Right because experimenting on young Accommodators and sending troublesome students out on suicide missions is really helping the war effort. Yeah you're a fucking saint, where's your medal to prove it?" He raised an amused eyebrow.

"I'm only doing what is best for the Order darling, if only you'd only get those pretty dancing thoughts of conspiracy out of your head you would see that." It wasn't a conspiracy if everyone was in on the joke. "Besides, you exorcists are far too important to lose; any incidents that may have occurred should be seen as a learning experience." He brought his hand up and brushed his hand against her hair to put a hand on her shoulder. He leaned down and whispered softly in her ear.

"If you just level with me and stop playing your childish little game, you could do the Order a world of good. I can even see to it that you and your little friends aren't bothered anymore, even that dark haired boy who seemed to have come out of nowhere. Who knows? If you're good, you might make General earlier than anyone had expected." She bit her lip to keep herself from gnashing her teeth.

He was bribing her; the shameless bastard was actually trying to buy her loyalty with the General's gold. Well fuck him, fuck them all.

"I appreciate the offer Sir," she said, spitting out the name with such spite, that he took a step back in astonishment. It made her wonder just how many had refused him during his time here at the Order and just what the consequences may be.

"But I'm going to make General on my own, both Cross and I, and when I do I'm going to get as far away from you and your corrupt little Order as I can. And one day, I will find a way to tear you down from this throne of bones you've build for yourself and then you could find out whatever heaven awaits scum like you." He blinked once, he blinked twice, and she didn't see him blink a third time. She spun on her heels and stalked in any direction away from him.

If anyone found out she said such insubordinate things to a high ranking officer like Leverrier, she'd suffer dearly, but she was counting on Leverrier being too proud to admit that he just got owned by a little girl. She didn't need him or his false promises, she was going to reach the top with her own skills and she was going to end this goddamned war and ensure that motherfuckers like Leverrier never saw power again. The sound of clapping filled the hall behind her.

"Marvelous, my dear, simply marvelous. Though you are an obscene impediment in my plans, I really do admire your audacity. I can only imagine what your Master would say about that treasonous tongue of yours…" He paused letting the warning dangle for a moment in the air before shrugging.

"But I suppose we shouldn't tax his old heart with such problems. But be warned Elizabeth, your little gang and I are playing this game because I am curious, once I get a little more than curious you will no longer enjoy the freedom your soft-hearted Master has given you. I might not be able to prove your treachery quite yet, but I certainly have enough evidence to strip you of every luxury you have enjoyed." Visions of chains and the little used dungeons danced in her head, he was bluffing, he had to be. He read her expression and smirked.

"Should I desire, I could make your life hell on Earth, do not challenge me; it will not end well for you." She kept moving her feet forward, she'd won the argument and she wouldn't get drawn into another battle she knew she couldn't win. Just one last thing.

"Tell me one thing Leverrier, you experiment on us, throw us into battle we can't possibly hope to win and exterminate the ones who cause you trouble. But what will you do when there are no pawns left to play and the Earl is clawing at your heels?" She never stopped, _just keep walking_ she repeated to herself, each step taking her farther away, _remember what Neah said, and just keep walking. _

It had to end; she would purify the scum that had come to corrode the Order. She would end the corruption, if it was the last thing she did, she would save the Order because no one else would. First she had to find her friends; it was about time for a long overdue conversation.

They had a fucking war to end.

**DGMDGMDGM**

"Should we really have left Lizzy alone like that?" Maria asked huffing, trying to keep up with her slightly more athletic friend. Taking note of her silent pleadings, Cross slowed down allowing her a chance to catch up; it wasn't her fault she didn't do much running at her base!

"Lizzy's fine. For one she'll probably be long gone by the time Leverrier gets anywhere near her and two, even if he does catch her, what's he gonna do? Punish her for walking around her own base? It just would have been real troublesome if he caught you and Neah here, you are kinda supposed to be in America you know. Your presence here would be pretty difficult to explain." She raised a sarcastic eyebrow and put her hands on her hips, turning toward Cross.

"And you're from America too?" He gave her a devilish smirk through his thick red hair.

"I just don't want to deal with Leverrier any more then I have to. I'd be running even if you guys weren't here." Maria looked around for their third party, speaking of which…

"Hey uh where'd Neah go?" A quick look around revealed a decided lack of Noah. Cross cursed.

"Again really? You think he wouldn't get lost following us." He sighed and raised a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. "Come on; let's go find him before he starves to death somewhere. We'll probably run into Lizzy somewhere along the way." Now slowed down to a nice ambling walk, they continued forward.

They didn't say anything which was really strange for them; usually they were engaging in some form of bantering, bickering and battle. But she could see Cross's decided lack of patience in his gait and she herself wasn't feeling very cheerful.

She couldn't place it; this electric feeling in the air. It wasn't sadness or fear, just this all-encompassing anxiousness really. The Innocence in her hummed in its perpetual quest for Akuma and she just couldn't calm it down. She twiddled her thumbs as they walked passively through the long hallways. She used to be so nervous here in England, now she knew the layout and people almost as good as in her own base.

After a while, people just stopped questioning her presence there, she suspected a well-placed smile from Neah saw to that and, not for the first time, thanked the Lord that Neah was as sweet and kind as he was. Who knew what he could do if he really was a part of the Noah clan?

_He really is getting taller, _she thought randomly, looking at Cross's back just in front of her. He'd grown so much, physically and mentally, in the last few years. If he kept up like this she might one day have to… well, she'd still probably have to look down at him, but the point remained the same.

He was growing up, sixteen was a wonderful time in a young person's life and how was he spending it?

_It's not just Cross,_ her mind thought bitterly, too many kids were losing their lives and their childhoods to this damn war and it hurt her to watch this happen again and again.

The silence felt strange and frightening. What had happened to the gaiety? The laughter? The peace they had enjoyed not so long ago? If they couldn't talk about this now, how would they possibly deal with it when the time came? She opened her mouth to speak and closed it again unsure of where to begin, gathering her resolve she opened her mouth again.

"Cross, I think-"

"There you are my boy! Goodness you sure have a way of eluding me." General Devdas said warmly, patting his pupil on the head. Maria smiled, people as lonely and fragile as Cross and Lizzy really needed a good Master to bring out the best in them. No better person could have been found, in her opinion, than the ever lovable General Devdas.

That man was just as responsible, even more so probably, for their current success as she and Neah were. Cross shook off his Master's touch.

"I need but a moment of your time son, I need to update your medical information what with all the times you've been in the infirmary as of late. So come on now, don't make me drag you there and don't think I won't!" The older General said chipperly, grabbing Cross by the hand and pulling him down another endless hallway.

"I'm dreadfully sorry Miss. Maria; I'll return him in a little bit. Froi, thank you by the way for directing me to my wayward student. You would think I'd be able to find someone who stands out so much." Froi leaned against the wall and waved as Cross was hauled off to parts unknown, if it weren't for his own good, Maria might feel a little bad for the boy.

After a minute, Cross's protests were but echoes in the hallway and she was left alone with the slightly younger exorcist. She didn't really know him all that well; there was of course that glaring incident at that one exorcist's ball, that she couldn't for the life of her remember, in which they engaged in some intimate activities according to the others.

"Maria, it's always a pleasure." She smiled and nodded and said nothing.

He didn't ask why she was here and not at her own base. He didn't ask how she even got here. He didn't look at her with suspicion and demand to know what she was up to with her no good friends. That is what any other exorcist would have done, but Froi knew better.

She'd been briefed on the calamitous mission to Iceland and the fact that Klaud and Froi had been exposed to and kept quiet about some very strange events that had to do with a certain young Noah. They knew something was up; you didn't live as long as they did by being stupid, but had probably decided that it would be to their benefit to remain silent.

They might have remained like that had she not noticed the blood.

"Jesus, you're bleeding!" she said stepped forward to examine him more closely. To her relief, close inspection revealed that his face, shirt and hands were covered in paint and not blood. He grinned and scratched his cheek.

"Yeah sorry, I was out painting when I was recruited by the General to find Cross. I guess I am a mess, don't worry, I'll just toss it in the laundry and it'll be good as new." Really, she couldn't believe these boys sometimes.

"Dried paint won't come out like that, it'll only settle the stain in deeper. Come on, there should be some rubbing alcohol in the nurses' office, that should get the worst of the stains out" He chuckled a little and pushed a bit of his fluffy brown hair from his eyes. It looked so perfect sitting there, honestly, any man who took such good care of his hair had to be-

"So er… where are the other guys?" He asked casually, causing her to blush and snap her mind out of such thoughts. She turned her head.

"Huh?" He smirked, as if he were amused by answer.

"Really, have you forgotten them so easily? You're missing half of your group, where are Lizzy and uh don't tell me…" he rolled his eyes searching for the name, she frowned, there was something a little too rehearsed about it. She didn't quite like it.

"Neah." She said quietly, he nodded as he rubbed his neck and nodded, "They're around, we got kind of separated, I'm sure we'll run into them eventually."

"It must be hard, trying to find your way around an unfamiliar base. I remember how lost I was when I first came here, I actually remember seeing Cross's father bring him into work every day, he used to point out the way to my Master's room, I mean, when he wasn't completely drunk." She didn't reply, he was getting around the question he really wanted to ask, which was why she was here.

A completely understandable question, but one she was unwilling to answer.

He continued to jabber on nonsensically for the rest of the walk, flitting from this subject to that. She'd seen butterflies that had a larger attention span and from her, that was saying something. He finally became quiet once they reached the infirmary; no one was there so it was most likely their lunch break.

She would clean him up and then get the hell out of here before he worked up the nerve to ask the questions they'd been dancing around. He was such a sweet guy and she really didn't want to lie to him if she didn't have to. He handed her his dirtied shirt and sat on one of the ragged stools while she fiddled with the alcohol.

"My Master says I'm too curious." She almost dropped the bottle as he spoke again. "I always thought that was strange. I mean what was so bad about looking at old records? I'd found some inconsistencies in the records, so why shouldn't I have looked it up? Surely the Order didn't have anything to hide, right?" She took a napkin and gently dabbed at the paint stains watching as they became lighter and lighter.

"Apparently they did. Some of things in those records were awful, some of the experiments they performed on exorcists I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Klaud, you know Klaud right? Little blonde girl with the monkey? Anyways, she was helping me too. I guess she didn't like what she'd been seeing either. I guess I just couldn't believe something like that could happen, and here of all places. I felt that if I just kept digging I would find something that would prove it all wrong. All it ended up doing was getting us noticed by all the wrong people." Pulling out a clean cloth, she wet it in the sink and handed it over to the boy who proceeded to wipe his hands and face smearing bright colors.

"I tried to talk to people, Klaud told me not to, but I didn't know how high it all went. They said they'd stopped the experiments, they said that all had happened a long ago and with a smile and a derisive pat on the back said that there was nothing to worry about. Then about a week later, Klaud and I got orders for Iceland and well, I'm sure you know all about that."

He stared deep into her eyes as she handed him back his mostly clean shirt. She brushed some stray hair out of her face and looked away. She had to admit she had been curious as to why Klaud and Froi, such good exorcists, were sent on that awful mission. But it wasn't her place to ask, she hadn't been on that mission four months ago and thus had no right to question him. God she was such a hypocrite.

"If you don't do anything stupid, that shirt should stay clean. There's no need for you to get any dirtier." He smirked and bent over so that his forearms rested on his knees. He studied his shirt around, twisting it around in a fidgety way.

"Yeah, but sometimes it's worth it to get dirty if it's for a good cause." He sighed heartily and shrugged his wet shirt back on as he pushed himself off of the stool. He was shorter than her by a few inches, but he still managed to look so tall in that moment. He finally brought his eyes back up and looked at her thoughtfully.

"I have questions, I mean who wouldn't? Sometimes I stay up late at night lying in my bed thinking of explanations, each one more outlandish than the last. But I'm not going to ask." He turned up and looked up at the ceiling.

"You can feel it too, can't you? It's coming. I don't know what's going on, with your friends, with the Order, with this war, but I'm not going to tell and neither is Klaud. But please, if you ever need a hand or need help with something, I want you to know you can count on us. We can be there when you need us-" he looked at her and gave her a chipper wink "-and we'll do our best to stay clean."

He put out his hand which she gladly took, what a nice guy, she really wished she could remember making out with him.

She probably enjoyed it.

"Thank you, I uh we'll keep that in mind." She said. "Now you be careful out there with that paint of yours, I'm not always going to be around to clean up your messes you know. I'm not your mom." He chuckled and rubbed his neck with the hand he shook with.

"Yeah, I'll try, but it's real hard to stay clean in this business." Maria smiled lightly at the intended joke, not sparing a thought to the dark double-meaning behind it.

He was right, whatever was going to happen, however it was going to turn out, it would all end soon. He waved and then he was gone wandering off somewhere to do God knows what, probably go back to painting and undo all of her work. She sat down on the ragged stool he had vacated and just leaned back against the wall thinking of nothing in particular.

Yes, she had to be prepared for what was coming. She had to be strong enough to protect her friends and to stop the Earl. She wouldn't think about the consequences, at least not now, and she wouldn't think about how impossible it was.

All she would think about was a sunny day in some nice tropical part of the world. By her side would be her friends, maybe a little bruised and more than a little tired, but they would be there and alive and together. She didn't know what she would do if they were separated, so she decided not to think about it and staring at that white ceiling, she thought she could almost see that beautiful day.

**DGMDGMDGM**

"Birthdate?" Cross looked at his Master over the piles of paper, giving him one of his infamous 'what the fuck' looks. This was a waste of time and they both knew it.

"July Thirty-First, same date it is every year and I'm pretty sure it'll stay the same once summer comes around again." Master sighed and rubbed his temples, clearly not enjoying his student's sarcasm.

"I know my boy, but it's required, so please bear with me and don't make this any harder than it already is. Blood type?" Cross leaned back in his overstuffed chair; these were the comfiest freaking chairs in the whole Order. They always made him want to fall asleep. "Marian?"

"Huh? Oh uh AB." Master gave him a look of pure frustration. He didn't write down Cross's answer, which he probably knew anyway being the stalking kind of guy that he was, and instead regarded Cross intensely. Cross wasn't used to such scrutiny from his Master of all people and squirmed a little.

"Is uh there something wrong Master, 'cause I'm pretty sure my blood type is still AB…"

"No, that's- that's not it Marian." Clue number one, use of much despised first name, clearly something was bothering his Master and he wanted his young disciple to pay attention. The older man leaned his elbows against his desk and sighed wearily. Master looked old; the wrinkles were so visible, so wrong on the normally larger than life General.

He knew it was stupid, but Cross had kind of come to think his Master as above all of this. He just never seemed to let the war affect him, he was always smiling, always being annoying and fatherly, patting him on the head and teasing him. Now he just looked beaten down and Cross had to remind himself that his Master was at least halfway past the forty year mark and exorcism wasn't an old man's game.

A thrill of fear went through Cross to even consider that his Master might die, more fear than he'd ever felt when his actual father was in and out of the hospital for five years due to alcohol poisoning. Master set down his pen and crossed his arms on the desk, pushing aside some of the useless paperwork to get a better look at his student.

"I'm worried for you son." Cross almost breathed a sigh of relief, thank God that was all? His mind had imagined all sorts of horrible things that could've been afflicting his Master: cholera, dysentery, pneumonia… but no, Master was just being Master and worrying about his students. Master frowned and leaned over looking very serious.

"I'm serious Marian. I think I've let this little charade you and Lizzy have been playing go on long enough. Why does Central, particularly Inspector Leverrier, want your heads? Where _do_ you go all the time? Why the hell have I been hearing reports that you're in North America of all places? I mean, I respect that you have secrets my boy and I'm fine with that, really I am. But I'm getting nervous, just what are you getting into and how are you handling yourself?" The General asked, forcefully standing up to look down at Cross. He wasn't threatening, even from his greater height; the look of absolute concern on his face negated any fearful feelings Cross might have had.

Cross stared up at his Master, unable to respond. He respected very few people in this world and his Master was one of them. Up until he had met Neah, Cross had never truthfully talked back to his Master, never lied to him, never gone behind his back or done anything even remotely out of line.

And yet here he was now breaking every rule in the book. _Jesus,_ Cross thought with weighty guilt, _I think Lizzy and I are responsible for some of those wrinkles. _

He took just a moment to reflect upon how the General must feel with everything that has been going on. It had never occurred to Cross before, but it must be hell to watch his students get into so much trouble like that, to watch them get hurt and to keep such big secrets from him. To be betrayed by someone you cared for.

Cross couldn't look up at his Master anymore and diverted his attention to his lap. He never wanted to hurt his Master; nothing was further from his mind, but what they were doing-what he was doing...

"I'm sorry." He said quietly, still not looking up, he heard the General sigh and sit back down wearily.

"You know, one day when you're a General, you're going to know how this feels. You're going to have one of _those_ kids running around. They'll think they know everything and won't come to you for advice. They'll talk back and use fanciful, false words and run off with the pretty girl into the sunset. When that day comes, you will visit me in retirement and we'll talk about the students that we just hate to love so damn much." Cross still didn't look up, but raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not mad at you Marian, so stop looking like I'm going to punish you; I'm just- you know you can talk to me about anything, you and Lizzy both. I don't know what it is you two have gotten yourself involved in, but I want to help. Just let me know how deep a hole you've dug yourself so I can pull you out, digging yourself deeper will only make it worse. I can tell you from experience that it won't get you to the other side; you'll just hit groundwater and drown." Cross finally found the strength to look up at his Master.

He sat on the other side of the desk with his palms upturned. The wrinkles were still there and maybe Cross thinks they always been there, he just hadn't allowed himself to see them. There was a small, sad but open smile on his face.

After all the trouble and heartache he had put him through, his Master still wanted to help him.

But he couldn't.

In a gesture completely alien to him, Cross tentatively reached out and grasped his Master's open hand. It was well known that he wasn't fond of physical contact, but things had changed. He had grown up and it was time for this bird to fly the coop. He cared for his Master and would still seek his wisdom, but he wouldn't rely on him anymore. He refused to give the man anymore wrinkles.

"Master, you have no idea how much it means to me, means to both of us. I know we've been difficult and secretive, but we don't need your help, not now at least. I can't guarantee that everything will be alright in the end or even that we'll be alive, but this is something the four of us need to do on our own. I don't want to hurt you or cause you anymore pain, but this isn't something you can help us with, there aren't any mistakes you can save us from, this is just us doing what we believe is right. After all, isn't that what you taught us? To do our best and fight the good fight?" Master smiled wearily, looking as if had just lost a battle, but not looking too upset by it.

He patted Cross's hand affectionately and then withdrew his own.

Cross swallowed, so that was it, his Master had just let him go.

Master pulled back into himself, folding his hands in front of him as his looked at Cross again, looking a little less anxious and a little more composed. He looked now like a curious companion rather than a worried parent. Cross squared his shoulders and prepared himself to step into the role he'd just made for himself.

"Alright, I can respect that. A man's got to do what a man's got to do after all, believe me I understand. But please note, however, that I am still responsible for your actions and if possible, can you give me anything to appease the hounds of Central that are howling for your head? Really, one must wonder what on Earth have you two have done to make them so angry." Cross leaned forward and put his hands on the desk, looking his Master right in eye before grinning widely.

"I'm sorry General, but I'm afraid I cannot compromise my associates on this. You tell those sons of bitches in Central that we are doing our jobs as exorcists and that if they're going to try and stop us they're going to find themselves with a few more holes than they need. Until we defeat the Millennium Earl, I plan on continuing my duties as an exorcist for as long as I possibly can. I trust you will relay the message." He didn't move, keeping the large grin on his face as he stared cheekily at his Master.

Before he'd come in here he would have never thought of doing something so impertinent to his Master, but now he was an adult and he could show his respect to his Master through his actions, not his submissiveness

The General chuckled and slowly laughed harder until a few of the useless papers fell to the floor.

"Yes, I'll tell them just that and afterwards, I'll point out the direction to your room so you can be hanged for treason. For shame, what a terrible Master I am letting my students become so bad-mannered, though I suppose the apple doesn't fall far from the tree." Master took an extra moment to wipe the gathering tears in his eyes as he composed himself.

"Alright Cross, I'll give Central the nice appropriate version of your statement and maybe they'll lay off you for a while. For now, you've got a girl or two waiting for you and I've still some paperwork to fill out. I don't know if you have noticed but there is a storm coming, from one man to another I suggest you get an umbrella."

Cross nodded, the General had no idea of the storm that was headed their way and perhaps maybe that was for the best. Maybe even Cross was a little more prepared for the oncoming tempest, or at least ready to acknowledge that it was there and that was a start he supposed. The General stood up and, after gathering up the fallen papers, stuck his hand out.

It wasn't patronizing or even paternal, it was just one exorcist bidding goodbye and good luck to another. Cross smiled and returned the gesture. His Master's hand was firm, but yielding, in his grasp.

"This is the greatest and saddest moment in every teacher's life, you've come so far Marian and I can't wait to see where you will go from here." Cross nodded, yes, he would show his Master just how far he would go. He would be the very best and prove himself worthy of his Master's praise. With one last pump, he let go of the warm brown hand that had guided him for the last four years.

"Alright, I guess I'll see you around." Cross said casually stepping towards the door. There was a whole world waiting out there for him, and now he was ready to take it head on.

"Cross, one more thing." He turned, "let me know when you and your friends defeat the Millennium Earl; I'd love to discuss it with you. I'm sure it will be quite the tale." Master's looked up at him through lidded, sparkling eyes as he shuffled the messy papers.

Cross nodded, Master understood, he finally understood and he was letting Cross act according to his best judgment. With a nod, Cross stepped out of the office and walked down the hallway feeling a little bit better and maybe even just a little bit taller.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Lost, again.

Neah sighed; after almost three years of coming to this place, one would think he would least have somewhat of an idea of where he was. He'd probably need another three years just to get back to where he was. It didn't help that all the corroders looked the same, dull and bleak, and he couldn't even tell which ones he'd already been in. They really needed a color coding system or something. He looked wearily up at Tim who hovered just next to him.

"What are we going to do Tim? Can't you find the way there?" the golem, still fairly young, had of course as much an idea of where there were as Neah did. Neah sighed and promised himself he would put a damn tracker in Tim when he found his way back, maybe a locator to find the guys… The sound of footsteps behind him pulled him from his thoughts, he rejoiced, a savior at last!

Neah looked around and saw no one. _Weird,_ he thought,_ I'd better not be going crazy. _It turned out he wasn't, the mysterious sound came back and Neah looked down to see a tiny man with black paint around his eyes and hair that seemed to defy all the laws of gravity.

The Order sure had weird people wandering around.

"May I have a word with you young Noah?" Neah shrugged, the old man probably just had a question for him and he didn't fully digest the man's words until a moment later. Neah felt his skin prick and his instincts screamed at him to run. How did the man know? Was he related to the Earl? Shit, would he tell the Earl about what he was doing? The man observed him with sharp eyes looking up at Neah, not with menace but merely… curiosity.

"You are quite the oddity Neah Walker. The Earl talks of you with such pride and you have his utmost confidence and yet you spend your time here with the exorcists. Neither the Earl nor the Order will find out, but I must know for my records, why are you here? The last time I saw you, you'd had an argument with your exorcist friends and I had thought you had left them for good. Yet against all sense of self-preservation, you have returned here." Neah frowned, a Bookman, that's what he was.

He'd heard the Earl talk about him, a group of neutral people who recorded history's true events not found in official records. Neah knew the Earl had given him information and obviously the Order was now too.

"The Earl likes me for his own reasons and certainly not because I encourage him. I don't do this because I like it, because I get some sick pleasure out of playing both sides. I do it because choosing a side right now is too dangerous." The man nodded firmly, hiding his hands inside his sleeves.

"And which side will you be on when you eventually do have to choose?" Neah smiled and knelt down so he was closer to the man's level. They looked each other in the eye and said nothing for a moment.

"I'm going to be on the right side, which side will you be on old man?"

"My apprentice and I will be on neither side; we will watch the war progress from the sidelines and record the results. That is what we Bookmen do." Neah raised an eyebrow at him.

"And how is that working for you? You don't get the best view from the sidelines; I've discovered that on my own. The only way to get the real details, the real information is to stand in one place and fight for the one cause you believe in."

"And just what do you think you are doing boy?" The small man asked with the smallest measure of sarcasm. Neah didn't hesitate in his answer and he let his resolve show on his face.

"Oh despite what the Earl thinks, I am firmly planted in my ways, nothing is going to make me abandon the Order and the people in it." The old man seemed surprised at his answer and looked at Neah with a sense of amazed awe.

"You really betrayed the Earl for the Black Order, this changes everything. Do you know exactly what you are doing boy? Forsaking your life and birth appointed power for the sake of a few exorcists, people who a hundred years from will just be faded names in our books. If you betray the Earl now, you're not just damning yourself, but every reincarnation you will have." Bookman said quietly, mulling over the dramatic change in events.

Neah couldn't blame him; the war had been in a bit of a stalemate for a while, something as huge as a Noah trading sides really could mean the end of the war… At least that's what he was counting on.

"What good is life and power if it's being used for the wrong purposes? I just couldn't do that anymore; I couldn't lie in bed every night knowing I was doing something evil. At least here I can be myself and be proud of what I'm doing." Bookman looked away.

"This is most irregular, no one, no Noah has ever betrayed the Earl. I don't suppose I have to tell you how he will react, especially to you, his most precious. You will be massacred and not just you, all your friends will be dragged down with you." Neah pursed his lips and nodded curtly.

Of course he knew, how could he not? His Inner Noah was constantly reminding him of this tiny, little fact. He would be a liar if he tried to claim he wasn't scared, he was in fact, scared shitless.

They may lose and they may win, but either way he would be doing what he believed was best. He told this to the man, putting on his bravest face and staring at the Bookman for all he was worth. The man raised his eyebrows and gave a little snort.

"There is a special word for people like you; the kind word I suppose is bravery, but I believe stupidity works better in this case. I will take note of this shift in events. I had wondered what the change in the air was, it turns out it was an impetuous boy too kind for his own good." Neah grinned sheepishly, feeling suddenly like he was twelve years old again and being reprimanded for stealing cookies.

"The Bookmen records are not shown to anyone and no records will leak out to hamper you and your like in any fashion. I bear no feeling one way or the other for the eventual end of the war, but your actions are to some extent admirable. I wish you and your Order the best of luck. It is a difficult path you have chosen; only time will tell if it is worth it in the end. Now then, I have records to write and you have your friends waiting. I shall detain you no longer." He gave a brief bow and walked back in the direction of the cafeteria. Neah held out a pleading hand as Bookman walked away, he was still lost after all.

"Go back the way you came and take the first left, follow that until you reach the cafeteria. Goodbye Neah Walker, if you live to see the end of this war, I should like to talk with you again, perhaps over a cup of tea." Neah nodded even though Bookman was long gone. He gave Tim a shrug and began tracing his steps back hoping it would get him back to where he belonged.

The guy was weird, no doubt, but he wasn't totally apathetic. Even through his stone face, Neah could see Bookman's approval for his actions. He just hoped when the time came he would be able to tell the man their story.

You never know when it might come in handy to have that sort of thing written down.

Hands in his pockets, he thought about the conversation he'd just had as he made his way back to familiar territory. The old man seemed willing at least not to impede, and in his lack of action Neah could almost hear the man's silent encouragement to take this and run with this. He straightened up as he sauntered into the cafeteria, feeling surer of himself.

He'd believed every word he'd said to the Bookman, he'd just never really thought about it.

He would much rather die for something he believed in than live the rest of his life in shame. His eyes lit up as he saw something he believed in across the room. He smiled and made his way toward the unsuspecting exorcist.

These were his friends and he wouldn't trade them for all the power in the world.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Lizzy had not taken too kindly to Neah's attempts at sneaking up on her. Thinking he was the obnoxious pervert, Rhett Wickham, again, she ended up giving him a pretty bad slap on the face. While the apology was quickly accepted, the angry, red mark on his face took a little longer to fade even with his natural healing abilities.

Still missing two members they wandered around until they found Cross loitering around the science area waiting for them to return. He said he had lost Maria a while back when his Master had borrowed him for some paperwork.

Maria was eventually located fifteen minutes later leaning up against a wall in the infirmary sound asleep. Cross, never having really forgotten their first official meeting about the Earl, finally got his payback and knocked over her chair with more force than was really called for. She fell to the ground with a heavy thud and proceeded to whine while rubbing her bruised head.

Cross rolled his eyes, but helped her up none the less. They all stood there looking at each other thinking of how to bring up the topic that was on all of their minds.

In the end, it was Neah who found the courage to clear his throat and announce that it was time they made plans for the storm what was to come. Re-grouping in the dining hall where Maria's insatiable appetite was momentarily gratified, they quietly discussed their plans. While Cross furiously scribbled notes and strategies in the notebook Maria had given him, Lizzy drew the floor plans of headquarters on a napkin to give Neah and Maria a better idea of their strategies.

They stayed there for several hours until at last the evening cleaning crew kicked them out. They reconvened at Mana's tent where the five of them went over the ins and outs of their plans, back-up plans and the shit-has-hit-the-fan plans.

They discussed potential allies and places they could hide if need be. They talked of the best way to pick off the Noah and Neah sat for at least an hour telling them in great detail the weaknesses of each of his siblings and how to take them down.

The Earl was unanimously decided to be left to Neah, he was the only one who stood even half a chance at beating him in a physical fight and perhaps the knowledge that his favorite Noah had betrayed him would be enough to turn the odds in their favor.

Eventually sleep called and the group, consisting of three exorcists, a clown, a Noah and a golem, said their goodbyes and were taken back to their respective homes.

Each lay in bed that night thinking of their plans and wondering just what would happen when the Earl pulled the metaphorical trigger. They would sigh and roll over. I_t was a good plan,_ they would think to themselves, _I've got good people behind me and maybe things just might be alright._

They slept the blissful sleep of dreamers, waiting for the day they wouldn't have to hide, waiting for peace to come at last.

* * *

_All you need is love_

_All you need is love_

_All you need is love_

_Love is all you need_

* * *

First of all, I would like to apologize for the length. This was originally going to be two chapters, but one section was so utterly useless that I deleted it and just combined the remaining sections into one mega chapter. I swear this is the longest it will ever get. Yes, I know this is not nearly as exciting as near death in a frozen wasteland, but it's just as important. This chapter serves not only to set up what is to come, but it also tied up some nigling loose ends such as Leverrier, Klaud and Tiedoll, General Devdas and Bookmen, characters who finally get a chance to explain why they do what they do. (Shrugs). Am I the only one who could totally see Neah being a mother hen to Timcanpy? Can you see it now? :P. The last few chapters have been so depressing and the next ten or so are even worse (if you love angst, violence, searing battles and passionate bouts of hate and love then you're going to enjoy these next few weeks) so Timcanpy just makes everything happy and sparkily for a bit. Btw, the picture I have Neah refer to is in my profile somewhere. Damn FF is not letting me do links so if you have trouble accessing just uh PM me and I'll curse and swear and try and figure it out again.

Next update will be July the third live from Frostbite Falls, Minnesota where I will be taking care of my grandmother!

EDIT 6/27/12: YEY! Look in the upper right hand corner! I have conquered the demon known as and uploaded a cover for this story! Huzzah! The only thing is, it's a little small for all the details I put into it and you can't make it bigger. I guess it's good enough to attract people (come, come you sweet, little readers, into my oven now) but for the full version, I have it up on my profile. If, once again, that link doesn't work, please let me know so that I can fix it. Thanks a bunch!

_All You Need is Love_ (c) is owned now and forever more by the Beatles


	18. Gimmie Shelter

_Disclaimer: I do not own any part of D. Gray-man nor any of its characters. I can only close my eyes and quietly play dress up with said characters in my head and hope I'm not desecrating Hoshino Katsura's work too much._

For those of you who care, Author's Notes will be at the end of every chapter and any and all questions will be gleefully answered if asked.

* * *

_Oh, a storm is threatening_

_My very life today_

_If I don't get some shelter_

_Oh yeah, I'm gonna fade away_

* * *

It was another Friday night dinner and things were as they always were.

Daniel was, quite loudly, giving thanks to the generosity that was the Millennium Earl. Denis and Amora sat next to each other, engaging in empty flirtations, but only when they got onto the topic of the latest human they had slain would their eyes really light up.

Hassan had a giant book in front of him, pausing in it only long enough to take a bite of his food or glare at the idiots around him. Edmund was next to him growling and saying nothing but mindlessly chewing on the hand of an Akuma servant he'd ripped apart a few minutes ago.

Rhode was trying to convince Saoirse and Shohei to help with her much overdue homework, though it probably didn't help that Saoirse wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed and kept trying to regain Shohei's attention by making animals out of her food. Analyse sat across from him sipping her soup completely ignoring the everyday chaos of Friday night dinner.

And Neah? He just sat there taking it all in, restraining his natural desire to grip his hair and scream.

It wouldn't do much good having the Noah think he was going mad, so he would take out his frustrations later playing the piano angrily and chasing Timcanpy around his piano room. The only good thing about this whole evening was that the Earl himself had been surprisingly quiet.

He had just sat with folded hands as the rest of the Noah yelled, screamed, prayed and destroyed furniture and or Akuma servants.

Just another Friday night.

Neah sat there trying not to look as miserable as he felt and observed the Earl. There was something up with him today, something that Neah couldn't quite put his finger on. He hadn't whispered awkward friendly things in Neah's ear; he hadn't jovially talked to the Noah and reminded them to remain calm. He hadn't even told them of his latest plan to destroy the exorcists. Neah twisted his mouth as he played with his food, something in the back of his head was buzzing and it was making him nervous.

It was just another Friday night right? So why was the Earl being so quiet and why did he feel so anxious?

Unconsciously, he tapped piano chords on the table, looking at the others; did no one else feel it? This ominous building feeling? A sudden wave of fear washed over him and he suddenly wanted this dinner to go on forever. He didn't want them to talk about whatever it was that was giving him this terrible feeling. His nerves had been wrung so tightly, he nearly jumped out of his seat when the Earl placed a light hand on his shoulder. His smile did not reassure Neah in the slightest.

"It is time my brother, don't be nervous; this is what you were born to do." The Earl said heavily, standing up slowly, his hand still resting comfortably on Neah's shoulder. Neah couldn't move, the world was coming only in bright flashes.

He wanted to get up and scream, shout, anything to stop the Earl from speaking. _Aren't things fine the way they are!_ He would plead. _Why do we have to prove ourselves? Why can't we just do what we've always done!_ But he didn't, even if he went through with such a dramatic display, it would only delay the inevitable for a few short moments.

There was nothing Neah could do as the Noah quieted themselves down seeing their Lord rise. The man smiled down at them with a prideful gleam and with his free hand, he raised his Merlot to them.

"My dearest Noah, too long have you hid behind closed doors, killing quietly and unnoticed. Our time has come my family, time for my reign to become supreme and for the Black Order to fall." The other Noah cheered; Denis held his glass high in the air before downing the rest of it.

Neah had to remember to keep breathing, but he found the simple task incredibly difficult. They'd known this was coming, they'd planned and prepared, but this was _real_. Never had he been so frightened as he was at that moment.

"From this day forward my Noah, our attacks against them increase tenfold!" More cheers erupted. "We will reduce their precious exorcist armies to nothing!" Saoirse was now jumping on the table. "We will tear down their havens and expose their weaknesses!" Edmund pounded the table with such force, it cracked under his fist. "We will tear from them their Innocence and strike down their false God!" Amora whistled and clapped, her golden bracelets clicking with each hand motion.

"And we will ravage humanity, destroy every living thing and take our rightful place as the rulers of the Earth!" The deafening cheer and applause made Neah lose whatever color he had left in his face. The Earl stood there tall and menacing, letting his children whoop and holler a few minutes more before a raised hand silenced them. The Earl's other hand traced its way along Neah's neck until he could feel those stubby fingers fondling his hairline.

"My most loyal family, tonight, we declare war." Dear God, what had they gotten themselves into?

**DGMDGMDGM**

"Goddammit answer, you have to fucking answer you son of a bitch!" Neah shouted into the phone from his secret room. Timcanpy fluttered anxiously around him, obviously sensing his master's mood; Neah swatted the golem away impatiently. He didn't have time to reassure the little guy; he needed to get ahold of European Headquarters now. He had to warn them of the imminent destruction that was headed their way. A voice finally picked up after ringing for an impossibly long time.

"This is a reserved channel for the Black Order, this had better be important-" Neah didn't have time for niceties either. Gripping the phone tightly in his hand, he unleashed his panic unto the poor man.

"Of course this is fucking important! I have confirmed information that your headquarters will be under attack within fifteen to twenty minutes. You have to evacuate as many people as you can and round up all the active exorcist and-" Dammit, he couldn't get out all the information fast enough!

"Hold it son, what do you mean we're-" the voice asked calmly, now totally alert. "Who is this?"

"I'm a concerned party alright; just trust me, Jesus fucking God, you have to trust me on this. You need to sound the alarm now! You have a shitload of Akuma on their way to fucking slaughter you. You need to be prepared!" He panted heavily, the Earl would be expecting him soon, he didn't have any more time. The line on the other end was silent so Neah left him with one last parting plea.

"Please, I know you have no reason to listen to me, but please, if I'm wrong it'll be nothing more than an inconvenience and everything will be fine. But if I'm right, fuck you might actually survive the night. Please, I'm asking you to take a chance and trust me, don't risk the lives of your people because it sounds crazy. I-I have to go, but please, please for the love of God prepare your exorcists, it's going to be one hell of a night." With that, Neah slammed down the phone and tried to control his shaking.

He was scared, scared out of his fucking mind, he was about to join an attack against the Order. The first open action the Noah had ever taken against the exorcists. He could only imagine what horrors would come out of this, how many would die? How many would live today, only to die tomorrow? Oh God this could not be happening. A knock on his door, his real door, told him that his time was up.

Taking several deep calming breaths, he stepped out of his secret room and into his bedroom. He forced a nonchalant expression on his face, but it was like trying to button up a vest that was three sizes too small. He brushed imagined wrinkles from his white suit and slicked back his dark hair and prepared himself for the worst.

He opened the door and found Analyse standing there looking pale and indifferent as always. Her hair was tied up save for one rebellious strand beside her face and she wore the sleek, white Noah dress reserved only for important missions.

"The Earl is awaiting your arrival, are you almost ready?" Neah smiled and ran a hand through his hair again. He could at most give the Order an extra ten minutes or so, but the rest would be up to them. He saw Analyse's eyebrows furrow as she looked a little above his head.

"Neah, what is that?" Neah sucked in his breath as a familiar weight landed on his head, fuck he forgot about Timcanpy! The golem snarled slightly, feeling the dark aura coming off of Analyse. He grabbed Tim and threw him lightly back into the room before quickly shutting the door; he tried not to let his panic show.

"Oh you know me, just playing around with things. The Earl has been asking for a mechanical device, sort of like an Akuma, that eats things. I'm still working on it, but that little guy is my prototype right now. I'll show him to you later when we have more time." She stared for another few seconds before turning her head in unconcerned boredom.

"I don't really go for all that science stuff so I think I'll pass. Come now, the Earl is getting impatient, we shouldn't keep him waiting any longer." Neah nodded and forced his numb legs one in front of the other as he followed her swaying form down the hall.

"You look a little pale Neah, are you sure you're up to this?" She asked suspiciously, slowing down so that they were side by side. No, no he wasn't. He wouldn't-he couldn't! An amused smirk appeared on his face as they neared the hall where the Earl and his demons lay waiting hungrily. It was all up the man who received his call now to determine whether this would be a battle or a slaughter.

There was absolutely nothing more he could do.

"What, didn't you hear the Earl? I was born to do this." The rest of the walk was enjoyed in silence except for the pounding fear in Neah's heart.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Cross jerked awake as an alarm went off somewhere in the base. Lizzy sat up in her bed next to him, automatically reaching for her weapons which lay at the ready on her nightstand. They looked at one another for another quarter of a second gathering their thoughts before jumping and getting ready.

Cross wasn't sure what was going on, but an alarm like this in the middle of the night could only mean one thing and he was pretty damn sure it wasn't a birthday party.

Cross always kept a spare uniform here in Lizzy's room for times like this when he couldn't sleep and would instead seek her calming presence by napping in her chair. She never questioned him or why he was there, she was had simply gotten used to the fact that every couple of weeks she would wake up to find him curled up in the tiny chair just as he sometimes found her sleeping in his bed.

Within a minute they were dressed and ready for battle, running out into the hallway they followed all the other stone faced exorcists as they ran towards their skidded to a halt, gathering in their assigned groups, walking to their spots from the memory of many, many nightly practices just like this.

Except this was real.

General Devdas joined them a few seconds later, tying his long hair into a messy version of his usual neat tail. He addressed his students calmly and seriously.

"Students, we have received an anonymous call that the Earl is attacking and that numerous Akuma are on their way. We have nothing verify the claim, but we're not taking any chances. We only have about fifteen minutes until our informant said they would arrive, so get to your battle stations and get ready. It may turn out to be nothing to which we can breathe a sigh of relief or it may be the toughest fight of your life. I want you to pray for the former, but be prepared for the latter, now go."

They all scattered quickly and efficiently, running to their assigned stations, the whole gathering and meeting had taken at most six minutes. He and Lizzy ran through the hallways, watching some of the wounded and non-combatants hurry down to the relative safety of the basement. The chilly night air struck him, but he continued on.

They, along with all the upper level exorcists, were given posts outside on the surrounding perimeter. They were the first level of defense along with numerous other exorcists distributed all through the outer and inner perimeters. If the Earl really was coming, he was going to be in for a hell of a surprise.

He didn't have time to check his pocket watch, but going by the moon's position he would say it was sometime after midnight, maybe around three a.m. or so. Lizzy shivered next to him put kept her eyes alert and her guns up.

He got a bad feeling in his stomach as he thought more and more about the anonymous call. While it certainly could have come from one of the Earl's human puppets it seemed unlikely that they would have betrayed their leader so openly. Plus, a secret invasion in the middle of the night? That kind of sensitive information wouldn't be in just anyone's hands.

However it wouldn't be all that unusual for the Earl to tell his favorite Noah of his plans.

Cross gulped and hoped he was wrong, hoped this just a drill or even some drunken exorcist on a mission somewhere playing a prank. But if the call really did come from Neah, then Cross could only imagine the bloody battle that lay ahead of them.

He looked over a Lizzy, the wind blowing her hair every which way causing her to lower her weapons long enough to tie it up. He thought about doing the same, but he was too anxious to let down his guard for something so mundane. The moon was almost full tonight, staring down at them with a blank, impassive gaze, a silent witness to the massacre that might soon unfold. Finally, Lizzy found the courage to speak.

"Cross, do you… do you think it was Neah?" She asked, only letting a little bit of the fear she was certainly feeling leak into her words. God, he wished he could send her down to the basement with the noncombatants, anything to keep her out of this battle. But she was good, damn good, and she was needed right where she was no matter what was going down. The wind settled down as he tore his eyes away from her frightened ones.

"I don't know I-"

"AKUMA!" They spun around to the west where the damning cry was carried across the wind. "I SEE A LARGE PACK OF AKUMA HEADING OUR WAY!" Leaving the other students to defend this area, they ran over to the west tower. He sucked in his breath not only to see the distinctive black shapes coming towards them, but the sheer number of them was staggering.

"Oh my God." He whispered dismally and then they were within range and the purple bullets began to rain down upon them steadily. He and Lizzy jumped back out of reach of the deadly bullets. He grimaced as he saw that some others had not been so lucky.

It grew dark as the Akuma floated in front of the moon, blocking the light. Cross squinted his eyes to get a better look, but they were still pretty high up and he could barely differentiate one from another. It looked instead like some large hole had appeared in the sky, like an infection waiting to be unleashed as the blackness spread. He didn't have to think very hard as to how the massive number of Akuma were transported, it made him shudder to think of those monsters with their violent intentions coming the same way he had so often strolled.

He started firing, realizing that he probably wouldn't be getting a clearer shot, they were surprising well-organized and Cross had to wonder who was up there giving order or if he even wanted to know. The exorcists released their various forms of Innocence attacking one after another. For a moment, there was elation as he saw a large number of Akuma exploded and the very structure binding the Akuma seemed to collapse onto itself. Maybe they would decide the exorcists were more trouble than they were worth and leave.

Sadly it seemed that it was not meant to be, instead the machines descended from the sky and began attacking with a fury. Cross fired instinctively as one appeared right in front of him. As it exploded, a familiar, very unwelcome, face stepped out of the smoke. The grey skin tones with the stigmata, the golden eyes, and the curly golden blonde hair. Cross remembered him well; the Noah of Pleasure, Denis Allender and the Noah Neah had the most trouble with in Edo.

"Well, well, well, I remember you back in Australia. Now, please, answer me honestly-" Denis said sauntering forward and striking out with his fist. Cross did manage to dodge it, but he felt the rush of air go past his face, indicating how close it really was.

"How does someone as noticeable as you live for so long?" Cross side stepped several more faster-than-light punches. He suspected the only reason he had fared so well was because of all the years spent avoiding Neah's angry punches. If he was having this much trouble with the Noah, he could only imagine how the other exorcists were doing_. No, don't about that,_ he chided, _just focus on staying alive._

He was too close to try and shoot and if he stood still long enough to even raise his gun, he would be struck down. And the gleeful glint in the Noah's eyes told him that bad things would ensue should he be knocked off his feet. An Akuma exploded next to them, giving Cross enough time to raise his weapon and fire a random few shots. It wasn't very accurate, but the way Denis stepped back, tightly gripping his right forearm told him that he'd gotten lucky. The Noah's face twisted in rage and pain.

"_Fils de pute_! (1) I will get you for this!" Cross hissed as the Noah was upon him, holding him tightly against the cold stone of headquarters. Cross felt the most dizzying sense of deja-vu looking into Denis's angry, vengeful face and for a moment it was Neah holding him against the wall with hate blooming in his usually kind eyes.

A shot rang out and Cross felt more than saw Denis let go and retreat back; a good amount of blood spilled from the Noah's side. Denis fell to one knee clutching the gushing wound, the light graze on his arm a paper cut compared to this. Denis looked up into two smoking barrels.

"Y-you bitch." He muttered out with extreme difficulty, Lizzy stepped between them and aimed both pistols at Denis's forehead. She had a look of cool rage on her face as she stared into the murdering bastard's face.

"I'm going to enjoy this motherfucker." Cross's eyes widened, Lizzy was so intent on her prey that she wasn't paying attention to her surroundings. Reaching out, he grabbed the back of Lizzy's coat and pulled back as hard as he could.

She stumbled and fell into his arms as another Noah, a small girl with a crazy grin, pulled the biggest axe he had ever seen out the ground where Lizzy had been standing not a moment before. She twirled the axe casually, as if it weighed nothing and she wiped someone else's blood off of her face. She swung her bony hips playfully, smiling as if she were about to play a game.

"Saw-rry, I'm afraid Deni-bear can't play no more. You can, however, play with me if you'd like." She said, hefting the axe high in the air and, with a deranged grin, rushed them. Cross quickly did a mental analysis: pre-teen girl, most likely crazy and very scantily dressed, had to be Saoirse, which meant her other half had to be around here too. Going on some instinct he didn't fully understand, he pulled Lizzy to the ground as another identical axe swung over their heads.

He gave the Noah boy a good hit in the gut with Judgment, causing him to grunt slightly and take a step back. It wasn't much, but it was enough for him and Lizzy to hurry out of the line of fire. He helped Lizzy to her feet as they took in the scene unfolding around them. Akuma were everywhere, an exorcist would destroy one only to have five more replace it. Every now and again a lithe grey shape would dart into the crowd. There were cries of pain and fury and the thick, empty sound of mortal wounds flooded the air.

It was hell like he'd never seen before.

"Oh God," Lizzy whispered. He wanted to console her but there wasn't time, every moment they sat here, another exorcist died. They had to keep moving. He raised his guns up looking for something to shoot. Goddammit! Everyone blended together, he could barely distinguish human from Akuma.

And then, for a brief moment, the crowd parted and Neah came into his sights. Cross twitched and lowered his gun a little. They stared at each other for a brief moment. It wasn't often Cross saw him all decked out as a Noah, so Cross was a bit ashamed to say he'd almost shot his best friend. A guilty look of hurt crossed Neah's face before he was swallowed back into the throng.

"What are we going to do Cross?" Lizzy asked, searching the crowds trying to find Neah again. Cross wondered what his friend was doing now, what he was being forced to hairs on the back of his neck stood up, as electricity split the early morning air. A good number of Akuma suddenly exploded and out of the dust stepped his Master. He wielded his golden lightening rod gracefully, seemingly ignorant to the energy cackling around his knuckles.

General Fleming was right behind him with his Innocence gloves which incinerate any Akuma he touches. The scientist in Cross still has no idea how the hell he does it, but it works so he doesn't complain too much.

General Stein had appeared on the other side of the building, his Akuma monster devouring its brethren. General Stein was, and Cross was fairly confident in this assumption, bat shit crazy. His Innocence, a former level two Akuma which had become fused with the godly crystal, seriously gave him the creeps as did twitchy way the scraggly General looked at him. He sometimes wondered how Klaud dealt with him as a Master.

General Yeegar was the closest to them, swinging his pendulums and igniting all Akuma within a ten meter radius. Cross felt his chest lighten, he didn't know where all the other Generals were, but four on their side certainly evened the odds a little. Taking advantage of the uproar the Generals' presence had caused, he began shooting at the remaining Akuma. As their numbers began to thin out, he was able to see more of the Noah.

_Shit, _he thought counting; _they're all here, which probably means… _

And, like the proverbial bad penny which always turns up, The Millennium Earl descended from the sky on the back of a large Akuma for all the world to see.

Cross had never actually seen the Earl before; Neah had made sure of that. It was so strange to finally see the cause of all the war and death in the world, the cause of his friend's pain and misery, the reason he and everyone else had basically forfeited their lives. He gripped his weapon tightly to refrain from shooting the son of a bitch right then and there. It wouldn't do any good other than to piss off the Noah and draw attention he really didn't want from them.

The Earl smiled giddily, giving a short, insolent bow as the fighting ceased to look up at the devil himself.

"Well, I must say I am surprised to see how motivated you exorcists are, do you always do this at this time of night?" The Earl asked lightly, though Cross could see the strain. He obviously hadn't expected any resistance, an expectation Neah had destroyed with his call. Oh Lord, he hoped the Generals would be smart enough not to mention the anonymous tip and rat Neah out. Master stepped forward, slamming his rod into the ground as he regarded the Earl.

"We're allowed to run late-night practices, lucky for us you chose tonight of all nights to come." A sigh of relief, _thank you Master, thank you so much_. The Earl shrugged and Cross couldn't tell if he bought the lie or not.

"Well no matter, at least now I can declare war properly." Lizzy reached for his hand and he squeezed it tightly.

"Your time has come my dedicated adversaries. The next act of our little play has begun with the closing act soon to follow. Your precious Order is no longer safe and when you fall, the rest of the world will follow suit." So this really was it, he held Lizzy's hand tighter, refusing to let her go. Oh God, what were they going to do now? The Akuma rose into the sky.

"I think we've had our fun for the evening. So go on exorcists, bury your dead and build your defenses. Don't make this too easy for us; we want to enjoy all the fun the end of the world will bring." The Noah, still on the ground were dispatching more exorcists. One particularly big Noah, Edmund, Cross believed, had Denis thrown over one shoulder and with his free hand swatted a young exorcist into the wall, where they slumped limply without signs of movement.

"Come my Noah, we don't want to kill them all now. You can play later, but for now your brother Denis needs attention."

He said lightly patting the back of Denis; while Cross was glad to strike a blow against the Noah, he wasn't sure Denis would be too pleased the next time they met. The Earl paused and turned back to the exorcists with a malicious grin.

"But before we go children, would one of you please take care of that filthy Akuma abomination? I don't want my precious Akuma tainted by Innocence." And just like that, General Stein was surrounded. The exorcists around him who raised their weapons were struck down, leaving only the General and four Noah. Even if Cross ran as fast as he could, he couldn't help; the General was just too far away.

Cross stole a glance over to the Earl; he could just make out Neah's form hiding behind all the other Noah. He probably didn't want anyone in the Order to recognize him; he also probably didn't want the Noah to see how horror struck he was. A part of him was screaming at Neah to do something, he could certainly help the General. The more rational part of him was reminded that unless Neah was willing to expose himself to everyone, he was pretty much stuck where he was.

Cross was willing to bet Neah was going over the same thoughts through his head.

He turned back and watched the General deflect attack after attack, Cross bit his lip. Viktor Stein _was_ a General, maybe he could do this. _You know better than anyone what a Noah is capable of; even a General is outmatched against four of them… _he shook his head.

No, he couldn't believe that, if he surrendered to that kind of thinking the war was already lost. _That's what the Earl wants, to show off the Noahs' power, to scare us into defeat. _

But goddammit was it ever working.

He could see the General tiring as the four attacked without pause, dodging twin axes, deadly puppet strings, and whatever else they were throwing at him. It was painful to watch, but that was all they could do, stand and gape with fear as the Noah wore down one of their best warriors.

A slip, Cross instinctively stepped forward as General Stein dodged an axe swing, only to stumble backwards. A tiny mistake, one of no consequence in a normal battle, but it was enough here.

Cross barely saw her move, but he did see her ram her arm all the way through the General's chest, causing a spray of blood to shower all over her. A few twists later and General Viktor Stein was lying, broken and bloody on the ground twitching away his last moments of life as his Akuma was torn apart and the Innocence destroyed. Lizzy shook and buried herself in his coat, trying to unsee the carnage.

Cross felt far away at that moment, focusing on the faraway image of the once powerful General lying pathetically in a pool of his own blood. Something brought him back to reality and he wrapped his arms around Lizzy, it wasn't much, but it was all he could do at the moment. The girl, the murderer, pushed a glistening curl behind her ears and wiped the excess blood from her face, showing no concern or remorse whatsoever. He dared to take a look around and see the look of horror and dismay on the faces of the exorcists.

"Alright kiddies time to go. Brother, the gate please?" Cross didn't have to wonder who he was talking to as the familiar white gate appeared behind them. He could see the others gape around them marveling and fearing the wonder that was Noah's Ark, just as he had done years before. One by one they piled through the gate. Cross never did see Neah leave but Cross was sure he'd be seeing the Noah before the night was through. The Earl waved one last time before he too stepped through the white door, as if addressing a loyal audience.

"We do appreciate all your dedicated work dear exorcists; you've made this war so much more enjoyable than if we were to take the world unopposed. We'll make sure you get what you deserve." And then he was gone, leaving only the lightening sky and broken bodies and spirits.

_Dear God it's started,_ he thought, looking as exorcists stumbled to their feet. _God help us all, it's really started_. He looked down at Lizzy, still griping his coat firmly, refusing to look at what had happened. He stroked her hair and planted a small kiss on the crown of her head.

"It's okay, it might not be now, but it will be eventually, I promise." She whimpered a little bit as she cuddled closer, looking for comfort he couldn't give.

"I'm scared, I'm so fucking scared Cross, is that a bad thing?" She asked through his coat, muffling her words. He just continued stroking her, if she thought she was scared then she had no idea how the other people felt. At least they had been prepared for this; they had understood what was coming.

"No, we're all scared, we're all fucking terrified. But we'll get through somehow." A moment of silence and to admit and come to grips with their fears. "Come on; let's see what we can do." She resisted for a minute before nodding. So they set to work rebuilding their home and their morale.

**DGMDGMDGM**

**"HOW DID THEY KNOW!"** Neah barely avoided the vase that was thrown over his head. The few brave Noah who still remained in the room ducked and cowered as the Earl vented his rage. Neah tried to swallow his fear as he stared into the Earl's furious eyes, but it kept bubbling back to the surface of his thoughts.

_This is how he'll look,_ he thought with mounting terror, _when he finds out I betrayed him_.

The thought did not fill him with comfort.

He quietly wrung his hands, trying not to betray er- display his palpable fear. It had been worse than he could have ever imagined, he logically knew what the Earl had in mind with such a mission, but to look at how many people died needlessly.

And he couldn't… do… a… damn… thing.

His heart ached to think of all the people who were brutally slain, all of the people he could have- should have saved. But h-he just couldn't, more people would have died had he stood up against the Earl right then and there. No, as much as it hurt, he had made the right decision. They couldn't rush this or all their work would have been for nothing. Now he just had to convince his conscious.

Denis was lying on a couch in the corner in his human skin looking deathly pale and miserable. Any other wound would have healed on the spot, but Lizzy's Innocence was destroying his Inner Noah from the inside out. Neah slowly rubbed his right shoulder thinking of the ugly white scar hidden under his shirt.

Between the bullet wound and the discolored scar on his palm he knew full-well what Innocence could do to a Noah, but he hadn't been as paralyzed as Denis. Analyse put a cool cloth on Denis's slick forehead as his now indigo eyes rolled to the back of his head.

What was the difference between them? Well Denis was a murdering asshole, but that couldn't be it, could it? Neah paused. He'd never wanted to kill, even when he had been loyal to this family, he hadn't been willing to do more than bully exorcists and steal Innocence. Maybe Rachel's Innocence oh so long ago and later Cross's Judgment had seen that he wasn't like the others, that he really did care.

Maybe they had seen something in him that he himself had never been able to see. The sound of a wooden table being slammed forcefully into the wall beside him pulled him from these dreamy thoughts.

"They were informed! I know it! It was an Akuma or even one of those goddamn humans lying around here! I want them exterminated** now**!" The Earl growled as he stalked around the room, his fury coming off in waves. Most of the Noah had retreated upon reaching Edo, fearing they would inadvertently incur the Earl's wrath. The rest had disappeared soon after. Now only he, Analyse and Denis were within the Earl's range.

Analyse looked up coolly, the General's blood still drying on her face, she looked to the Earl completely devoid of emotion.

"Or maybe it was one of us." She didn't look at him, but he could feel the accusations behind her golden eyes. No, the Earl wouldn't-not him-not his favorite. But the Earl was extremely enraged right now, angrier than Neah had ever seen him. He just might believe Analyse's story. To Neah's surprise, however, the Earl whipped around to face Analyse and directed the full force of his fury on her. She shrunk back under his harsh gaze, in a motion alien to her normal composure.

"How _dare _you say that?" He hissed, the sound coming out low and menacing. "How _dare_ you accuse one of your dear brothers and sisters of such betrayal? Was it Denis huh? Lying there trying to purge the accursed Innocence from his flesh? Did _he_ tell the exorcists? Or Neah? Neah, who helped plan this mission with me? Who has stood by my side for my every endeavor?" Analyse bowed her head in shame, looking close to tears as Neah shifted on his feet trying not to look uncomfortable.

"Is that what you are saying my darling because I won't have it. The exorcists are obviously going to put up more of a fight than I had anticipated; we will need all of our strength and numbers to defeat them. I will not having you doubting your brothers and sister and disrupting the balance, not when we need the family together most of all." He stepped toward her and gripped her shoulders hard. She looked up guiltily from her place on the end of Denis's couch as the Earl continued to berate her.

"Family is all we have and I will not have your petty suspicious interfere with my plans." Denis coughed on the couch, rolling his eyes up to Analyse and the Earl, his cheeks pale, but incongruously sweaty.

"D-din't th-they s-s-ay i-it was-was a p-p-pract-ice? B-bad t-tim-ing?" Denis wheezed out before falling back into his languid semi-consciousness. The Earl stepped back, releasing Analyse and straightening his coat as his anger abated a little.

"Yes, why yes, that's right. Of course, they were practicing and we just choose the wrong night to attack. No worries, in fact, I'm glad I got a chance to speak with them. It wouldn't have been very gentlemanly of us to declare war in such a barbaric way, no, they deserve better than that, yes, that's right." The Earl muttered half to himself as the static atmosphere calmed down causing Neah to breathe a silent sigh of relief.

The Earl had outright rejected the idea of betrayal; he had no absolutely idea what Neah was up to. For good or for ill, he would be caught completely off guard when Neah eventually did turn against him.

"Oh yes, Neah, Analyse, please take Denis to his room before you retire for the night. Poor boy is having a really hard time with that Innocence bullet. Too bad he's not as strong as Neah here. He should be better in the morning, if not, well, we'll talk about that then. For now maybe a little pain will serve as a motivator to do better next time." The Earl said cheerily regaining his cool as he tenderly tucked stray blonde hairs from Denis's sickly face. Neah couldn't help but wince at that, talk about tough love.

"Alright off you go now, Analyse remember family stays together and Neah-" he came over touched Neah lightly on the shoulder, the hardness going out of his voice. "You did well tonight brother. We'll talk this over more tomorrow, but for now you should rest." Neah only nodded, not quite trusting his voice. On some unspoken agreement, Neah put his hands under Denis's arms lifting him up while Analyse grabbed his legs. Neah grunted as they pulled his limp body off the couch, Noah strength or not, the guy was freaking heavy.

Denis's eyes fluttered at the unexpected movement, he moaned a little before slipping back into unconsciousness. The Earl had already left, leaving the two of them alone to carry their fallen brother to his bed. Typical.

They stumbled down to Denis's bedroom, which of course was at the end of the farthest hallway in Edo. Neah tried to go as fast as he could, he wanted desperately to see how the others were doing, he had only caught glimpses of them and he couldn't be positive as to their safety. But Analyse was taking her sweet time, studying him intently as she walked slowly and steadily down the hall.

Finally though, they did eventually reach Denis's room.

Now Neah considered himself a nice person, really he did, but after the day he'd had and carrying Denis all the way here; Neah was quite content to throw the older Noah half-hazardly onto his bed. Denis was a big boy; he could straighten himself out on his own. Now to check on the guys, he only hoped that they were alright-

"If you go back to those exorcists one more time, you won't have to worry about me going to the Earl because I will kill you myself." Analyse said from behind him. The chilliness of her words made Neah's blood run cold.

He had always harbored a secret fear of Analyse that had only been increased by her threats against him. But seeing her tonight, seeing her kill exorcists one after another, seeing her thin arm slide smoothly into that General's chest, his fear had elevated to mild terror as he thought of her latest threat to his life. He stood just outside the doorway of Denis's room, his back facing her. He couldn't see her, but he could only imagine the shadows playing on the cool rage of her face.

_She would,_ he reminded himself frightfully. _She would gladly follow through with that threat_.

He'd always thought that Analyse was the most loyal of the Noah, furthering the Earl's plans was the only thing she ever had on her mind. To have her Lord yell at her like that, to accuse her of doubtfulness, Neah could only imagine how much she hated him right now. He couldn't manage a smile, but he did somehow keep his tone level.

"Those are some pretty big threats for someone without any proof. It's like the Earl said, the exorcists were just practicing, tonight was just a fluke. I know you're just trying to protect the Earl, but what if you're wrong? You don't want him to be even angrier with you, am I right?" Judging by her heavy breathing, Neah guessed he'd hit a nerve.

"Well then, it's been a long night. Good work and I will see you tomorrow." He started down the hall, already mentally preparing himself for what he would see at headquarters, though he didn't think any hallway would be long enough for that. God, what would tell them? He heard Denis's door shut quietly as she stepped out into the hallway.

"Goodnight brother and don't make me regret trusting you." She paused and added almost as an afterthought. "The Earl is wrong about one thing you know. You're not supposed to trust your family; they're the ones you need to fear the most." Her soft footfalls echoed down the hallway, leaving Neah to wonder just how much longer he could skate around death.

**DGMDGMDGM**

_Why had things gone so wrong?_ Lizzy asked herself. Even her usual coping method, burying herself into Cross's chest, feeling him caress her hair, was doing nothing to console her. Oh God, why had it turned out this way? There were so many dead she couldn't even begin to keep track. Finders, nurses, exorcists, officers from just about every division had suffered losses.

No one here hadn't lost at least one friend, most had lost many. Lizzy's heart especially went out to Klaud and all the other students under General Stein. She didn't know the man that well, he did admittedly frighten her, but still a General, someone's Master, had fallen this morning.

Generals were supposed to be above it all and yet look how easily one had fallen to the whimsy of the Earl's orders. She seen the power of a Noah, she'd seen Neah punch through walls, heal from fatal wounds in a few seconds, detonate Akuma with but a word, but to see the powers she'd come to associate with her friend used so destructively. She sucked in her breath and resolved not to think about it.

They should be helping, she wanted to do something, but this is where they needed to be.

They were in Cross's room, sitting on his bed, waiting for Neah to come. While everyone else licked their wounds and tried to rebuild, they were waiting for their friend to arrive. He would come, he always came. She didn't think of the long month when Neah didn't come, they were passed that, they were **passed** that.

"He'll come Liz, don't worry, I'm sure he's just tied up." Cross whispered into her hair, ending it with a light kiss. She hoped so, she really didn't know what she would do if he didn't. She felt Cross rub her shoulder absentmindedly.

"Don't worry; he'll be here any minute." She leaned up against her friend, for all his brave faces, Cross was just as nervous and scared as she was. He really did have a close call with the Noah; she doesn't like to think what would have happened had she not been so close by. A bright light across the room got her attention, she was up and out of Cross's arms before Neah even had a chance to step out of the Ark. She wrapped her arms tightly around her friend, seeking some sort of reassurance that everything would be alright.

However, like Cross, Neah did not have all the answers and instead held her close to make up for it.

Maria stepped out silently behind him, Lizzy looked at her and smiled for the first time since this all started. _We're all here,_ she thought happily._ Oh thank God they're all here. _

"I'm-I'm sorry, I know it's late but Denis needed taking care of and then I had to get Maria because this wouldn't be right without her-" Lizzy shook her head, still leaning against his warm, comforting, living body. They were still together. She could deal with the world she had come to know collapsing around her as long as they were all here. She held her friend tightly, feeling the strain in his shoulders. God she could only imagine how all of this was affecting him.

"Thank you Neah, thank you for caring. It's not your fault, you couldn't have done anything." He hugged her tighter. "I'm just so glad you're here with us, we couldn't do this without you." After a light peck on her forehead, Neah turned his drawn face over to Cross. Neah gently pulled her back and walked over to where the red head sat. Cross looked down, running his finger lightly along Judgment's designs.

"Hey Neah, nice to see you, so about-"

"How many? How many are dead?" Cross sighed and looked up at Neah; Maria walked behind Lizzy and wrapped her arms around her waist. The older girl nuzzled her, _is it bad? _She asked without words. Lizzy also said nothing, but gripped Maria's hands, giving her all the answer she needed.

"Neah, Lizzy is right. There was nothing you could have done, standing here feeling sorry for yourself won't stop the Earl. You don't need to-" Neah leaned forward and put his hands on Cross's shoulders stopping him. A panicked sadness filled his silver eyes.

"Yes, I do. I was a part of this, I may not have touched an exorcist, but I'm just as responsible as all the others who did. Now tell me, how many people died." The look of intense sadness on his face suddenly had Lizzy recalling that first time in Derry, when Rachel had died on his orders. Cross sighed, seeming to understand and nodded a little.

"We're not sure yet. The numbers we have right now goes a little over a hundred and eight-" Neah made a little wheezing noise in his throat, Cross looked away again.

"That's about ten finders, thirty-two from medical, seven from communications, eleven from the science section, twenty-one from logistics, thirteen from security and, including General Stein, about twenty-nine exorcists." The silence that followed was deafening.

"It could have been far worse; if you hadn't called, hundreds more would have died. Plus there weren't that many exorcists on the roof, the Noah didn't get inside, so the damage isn't nearly as bad-"

"Stop, just, please-stop." Neah asked, leaning against the wall and slowly sliding down, a vacant look of shock on his face. He hugged his knees, resting his chin on top of them as he thought everything over.

"Neah…" Maria said softly, but he shook his head.

"It's all my fault." He said clenching his fists; Lizzy bit her lip and sat next to him worriedly.

"Neah of course it isn't, you did your best…"

"Yeah well it looks like my best wasn't good enough. I-I don't know what to do… How can we hope to do this if such a random attack did so much damage?" Maria sat down next her. "I mean, everything seemed fine when we were just planning and such, but now, God I don't know if we can do this." Cross stumbled off of his bed and plopped next to Neah on the floor.

"Do you remember our first time together? In the church in Derry?" Cross asked, his knees bent with his wrists balanced on top of them. Neah snorted cynically.

"How could I forget? It was pouring outside and we just sat in that church scared and confused."

"Yeah, back when Lizzy was a bitch, you were a spineless wimp and I was an asshole." Cross said casually, shifting his position so that he was more comfortable. Lizzy gave him a light glare, wondering what this had to do with the topic at hand.

"Gee thanks, love you too." But it was true, God it was all too true. She remembered sitting in there on Cross's shoulder wondering when was the last time she'd sat that close to anyone.

"I'm serious, but don't you remember how that felt?" He asked earnestly, they didn't answer.

"Don't you remember how angry you were, scared to shit that we would be found out? Don't you remember feeling something bigger than yourself when we put our hands in that circle and agreed that we would do anything to stop the Earl?" Lizzy looked down at her hands, remembering the love and exhilaration she had felt at that one moment.

But what did that do them now? That was childish optimism, they were older now and they understood that all the world's problems couldn't be solved with faith, trust and pixie dust.

"Don't you remember what it feels like to hope?" She could've laughed to hear Cross of all people say that. Hope? Hope doesn't save lives; it doesn't reverse time or take back harsh words. Hope is a protective blanket you wear as a child to keep the monsters away, until reality yanks it away from you.

So yeah, she had forgotten, it just hurt too much to hope. Cross sighed.

"What happened to you all? When we said we would take down the Earl, I believed it and I've been working my ass of this whole time to make that dream a reality. And I still believe it. This is what everything we've worked for comes down to, all the times we laughed and cried and fought, it's a test of our faith. Maybe not to God or even to each other, but faith in something we can't see, faith in the idea that one day all of this will be over, faith in the fact that maybe every now and again, hope can prevail."

Hope… it was such a beautiful word and she had forgotten.

She leaned back and thought of all the times they had shared together, all the times she had wished for their safety and happiness, all the times she had wanted something better. A long lost feeling of warmth began to grow inside of her as she thought of a future she hadn't dared to think of in so long.

Cross was right, this wasn't about them.

This is about fighting for the idea, the dream that another kid somewhere would never know this war or experience their death or loneliness. She smirked, for someone who claimed to be a cynic, Cross was being pretty optimistic.

"I-I used to dream of the four of us in a nameless bar somewhere; we were laughing without care or worry just enjoying being alive and together. I used to wish for the war to end so that we could go find that place and live, _really live_, for the first time without someone needing us." Lizzy sighed happily, closing her eyes and allowing herself for the first time in a while to hope for something better.

"I wished for a banquet, there would be food from all over the world and I would eat to my heart's content." Maria chirped, holding her hands between her breasts as she imagined her feast. "We would all be there and I would feel safe and warm, basking in the glow of love and security." Lizzy leaned against Maria's shoulder, feeling the air lighten as they each imagined their dreams, so long forgotten.

Neah was quiet, looking at them with anxiety, biting his lip as he tried to remain despondent, but somehow it wasn't working very well. Against his will, he smiled a little as some color came back to his cheeks. He rolled his eyes into his head timidly as the images came forth.

"I would go anywhere as long as we were together. I guess I always told myself that whenever we had time, I would take you to one of Mana's shows. He really is good and it's so enjoyable to watch." He closed his eyes as the scene danced behind his eyelids. "The cheers of the audience, the smell of sweet, sugary foods, the feel of someone you love brushing against your arm as they applaud the performers." He opened his eyes again; his silver eyes were light and merry as something rekindled in him.

"That's all I wanted, all I ever wanted, was an evening at the circus without the Earl or the Order to bring us down." _Yeah, I would like that,_ she thought smiling as their dreams filled the air. It would be hard, but it had always been hard hadn't it? But it would be worth it, worth it to try and reach for those dreams they'd shoved back into the dark corners of their mind, too afraid they would be disappointed to even look at them.

They would stop the Earl, or at the very least they would give it their best, because their dream of a happy future was worth it.

They were worth the effort to fight for that dream.

"Alright then, we're going to stop the Earl." Neah said monumentally leaning his head against the wall. "And for future reference I would like 'Freedom fighter' put on my gravestone when we die horrifically." Lizzy grinned, nudging Neah in the arm. They were going to destroy the Earl, but they were going to do it with style.

"Hey Cross" she said, he looked from his methodical stare at the floor. "What do you dream of, for after the war I mean?" He shrugged and smiled. It was a nice smile really, full of contentment.

"I don't know, somehow I imagined it looking a little like this. Us sitting somewhere doing something really stupid, but having a great time doing it. I think I would do just about anything to make sure we can always come back to this." Neah laughed and leaned against Cross's shoulder playfully.

"When the hell did you get so soft?" Cross frowned and the illusion was broken. They were still sitting on the dirty floor and they still had a whole war ahead of them, but with her friends and just a dash of hope… well who knew? She was just happy for right now and that was good enough for her.

"I am not soft and get the fuck off me you goddamned Noah." They laughed just like he knew they would and things were good again. They sat like that in comfortable silence for a few more minutes. Eventually though, the good mood had to fade and reality had to be faced. They would dream and live their lives after they won the war. Neah was the one who spoke first in a somber tone.

"I'll go visit Mana after this, let him know what's going on. As for the rest of us…" he sighed and ran a hand through his hair "I don't know, I guess we play it by ear. The Earl hasn't really told me exactly what his plans are, though I suspect it's because he's not quite finished with them rather than lack of trust. I think he's waiting to see what you guys do, so I propose we do the same. If I'm watching both sides, I think we can find the best time to strike and to prevent more massacres like tonight." They nodded and with a tentative conclusion reached, they scrambled to their feet, stretching their aching backs. Neah nodded to Maria.

"Come on, I'll take you back to your base." He turned back to them. "I'll be back in a minute, I-I want to help. You can say it wasn't my fault all you want, I still feel responsible and I want to make things right." They simply nodded; they would be fools to refuse Neah's help what with his strength and durability roughly ten times better than their own. He summoned the gate and Maria was suddenly on him, hugging him tightly with her eyes shut against the world.

"I love you." She whispered deeply, she pulled back and extended her hand toward them "I love all of you." Lizzy smiled, and forcibly grabbing Cross by his sleeve, completed Maria's circle.

For a minute there, nothing and no one could touch them as they delighted in the simple pleasure of the other's presence.

Eventually Neah coughed and Cross squirmed uncomfortably and things went on as they always did. Maria went back home, loudly complaining of the time difference while Cross complained they were all too fucking loud and that they all should get out his room.

Neah, true to his word, did return about ten minutes later and he did spend most of the night helping the injured and moving loose rubble. Every now and again she would look over to him and see the drawn look on his face, whenever he caught her looking he would immediately change it into a smile. He was getting far too good at hiding his feelings and it was starting to worry her.

No one questioned why exactly Neah was there, though a few people who knew him referred to him by name. She thought that they were just glad to see another familiar face not lying bloody in the morgue or infirmary.

So life continued on.

People in the infirmary either got better or died, the dead were cremated and mourned by people who knew them, Neah stopped by at least once a day, often twice, to check up on things and continue their planning. The Order was terse with unspoken anxiety and fear as personal of all kinds readied themselves for the upcoming battle.

Only this time they would be prepared for the Earl and his army as three exorcists, a Noah, a clown and a golem waged a war all their own.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Maria held her hands behind her back and rocked on her heels, so she was on edge, who wasn't? She twisted her hands behind her back as another impossibly long few seconds ticked by.

_Wait here Maria,_ she thought mockingly in her head. _The boys and I need to run some errands before we can practice_. She really should be back at her base, she should be protecting her own people, but she still couldn't find it in herself to leave.

That and she couldn't find Neah to ask and, by the way, what the hell errands did _Neah_ need to run here?

She'd been here in England almost every day for the last week, poor Neah must have been exhausted running them back and forth. She bit her lip. She'd feel worse about abandoning her base if she didn't know that whatever the Earl was planning it was happening here.

The Earl knew very well that the best the Order had to offer was here at headquarters, if it fell, the other Branches would be no match. She nervously wrung her hands. It was crazy here; it felt like the ordered world she'd happily dwelled in had just dropped out from under her and left utter chaos. People were rushing back and forth, trying to get things done as soon as possible, fearing an attack at any moment.

The Earl wasn't stupid; he was going to let them sweat it out long enough to drive them into panic, but not give them enough time to really organize. So really any day now… She twirled her hair with her finger. Goddammit if she could only calm down. She wasn't scared, well, actually yeah she was; absolutely terrified to be more accurate. She was just anxious and-and itchy. Her Innocence would not relax and it hummed in anticipation for the upcoming battle, waiting, craving the thrill of combat. It was all ready to go, if only she could feel as confident.

_Where are they?_ She moaned bending her knees and tossing her head back in a dramatic sigh, if she stood here any longer twitching like an epileptic, she'd run and invade Edo right now.

"Maria!" Fina-fucking-lly. Lizzy's hips swung as she ran up to her and Maria couldn't decide if she looked good or bad. True, Lizzy probably hadn't slept in days, she'd been running around doing a little bit of everything as she planned for the fight of the century, plus she like everyone else was at the edge of her fraying nerves. She must have been freaking exhausted to the point of collapse.

But that light in her eyes spoke otherwise.

She was_ doing_ something; she could pull energy and motivation out of thin air as long as she had a foreseeable goal in her mind. It was an admirable trait, one Maria really enjoyed about the younger girl. Lizzy stopped and twirled her short hair. Maria had been initially disappointed when Lizzy had cut her long, lovely locks, but even she had to admit the short hair looked very nice on the sweet girl. That and Maria imagined it was a heluva lot easier to fight Akuma with.

"Sorry, I'm late, but I was sidetracked, you know General Fleming needed help moving boxes and Sydney Manette got his scythe stuck in the wall and-" Maria waved her hand, cutting Lizzy off.

"-And you saved a kitty from a tree, yes, yes, I know, now turn around and let me see if your angel wings have come in yet." Lizzy flushed and put her hands on her hips in a pout to cover up her embarrassment. Truthfully though, Maria had always been amazed by Lizzy's total and complete selflessness; she had never met a person more willing to help others at her own expense than Lizzy Logan. It made Maria smile and it reminded her just what she was fighting for.

"I'm just teasing; you're getting too serious Lizzy. We already have one somber brooding member in our group, we don't need two." Lizzy smirked and a secretive smile spread on her face.

"Alright, I think it's been enough time." Maria raised an eyebrow, say what? "Oh nothing, come on, the guys are waiting for us and you know how impatient they get when it comes to food."

Food? What was going on here, she thought they were going to practice?

Lizzy said nothing no matter how many times Maria begged, pleaded and poked her very sensitive left side. Just when Maria thought her brain would explode from curiosity, Lizzy stopped in front of a door. Maria actually had no idea where they were in headquarters, it was somewhere in the little used lower levels. Why were they here? Lizzy only smiled.

"We've all been working so hard and at this point, we're as prepared as we will ever be. So, in order to relax our nerves a little bit and go over final plans…" Lizzy smiled lightly as she nudged open the door. Maria gasped and was close to weeping tears of joy.

"We thought we might have a little party." There was food _everywhere_.

The blank stone room had obviously been redecorated for the event; the long table was covered with every kind of delectability available. Neah sat at one side a collection of papers and pictures by his side; he was currently pulling Timcanpy out of the chocolate pudding. Cross sat on the other side, his hair pulled up in a ponytail as he precariously balanced on a chair while he read a magic book.

"Well it's about time; we were going to start without you." Neah said, brightly trying to hold Tim still long enough to wipe the vicious substance from his golden wings. Cross stuck a marker in his book and put all four legs of the chair on the ground; he set the heavy tome aside and gave them his full attention.

"Are you just going to stand there all day or are we going to have a party?" Maria beamed, smiled so wide it hurt, but that didn't matter, nothing mattered anymore. She giggled and pulled Lizzy into the room, what a wonderful world and what wonderful friends she had. She wondered what she would eat first; maybe she would just try everything.

Yeah, that sounded good.

**DGMDGMDGM**

What an evening it was. Maria did indeed succeed in trying everything on the table, leaving only table scraps for the others. Cross had been smart and eaten beforehand knowing that there probably wouldn't be much remaining after Maria was finished. Lizzy and Neah just had to make do with nibbling on bits of parsley.

Maria told bad jokes and the rest of them laughed at every single one of them, even though they were confusing and they had already heard them a hundred times before, but it was just something you did. They spent the rest of the time reminiscing about past events and about all the times, good and bad, they had shared together. Some recollections were better than others and some were just enlightening...

"You proposed! To Lizzy! When the hell did this happen?" Neah asked standing up and slamming his hands on the table not in anger, no, he'd gotten past his jealousies a long time ago; he was just merely surprised. Maria wolf whistled as Cross and Lizzy turned away embarrassed.

"It was an accident, really, a slip of the tongue. I-I mean it's not like I could think all that clearly with Liz snuggled up next to me saying how important I was to her." Cross tugging on his collar, wondering why it had suddenly become so damn hot in the room.

"Are you saying that it was my fault? Do have any idea how -hic- scared I was that I would have to hurt your feelings?" Lizzy said leaning to flick Cross, he pulled back and she ended up falling on the table.

There certainly wasn't any form of alcohol at this party, well not much anyway.

"Besides it was just a stupid mistake." You could have heard a pin drop, Lizzy's eyes widened as she realized what she had just said. "I didn't mean it like that." She said quickly, shaking her hands wildly. Lizzy hadn't had a drop of alcohol before coming to the Order and thus was not very good at holding her liquor. "It was just-you don't know what it's like to be rejected and-and I didn't want to do that to you. And it's not like I don't love you, I do, really, I just love you in a different way-"

"Liz" she stopped "relax, it's okay. It was a mistake. I-" Cross paused, searching for the words as he stared into his wine glass. "I love you too Lizzy and no matter what I am to you, I want you to know that I'm always going to be there for you." Lizzy smiled and reached a hand across the table toward him. His fingers found hers and tightened his grip.

"You're so sweet Cross. Where would I be without you?" She asked lowering her head down to the table, looking dreamily up at her friend. She was a little curious as to why there was three of him, but she'd worry about that later.

"We'd still be arguing in the middle of goddamn nowhere Derry, England." Something hit Cross in the side of the head, something small, round and golden. Timcanpy shook himself and, scoffing his mean Master, settled on Cross's head. Cross rubbed the sore spot as he glared at the responsible party.

"The hell Neah?" Neah grinned lopsidedly and took another sip of wine. His shirt was unbuttoned and his hair was even messier than usual making the normally well-dressed Noah look like a bum, it was kind of funny when you thought about it.

"I don't want to hear about you and Lizzy and proposals." He spilled some wine with his wild movements. "Besides you're ruining the atmosphere, we are supposed to be having fun not getting all sappy and gooey and stuff." This time the wine spilled on Neah himself, Lizzy laughed hoarsely from her spot on the table as Neah shook the sticky liquid from his eyes, cursing heartily.

"Nice, way to make an impression." Cross said, setting down his wine carefully. Seeing where the others were going, he was pretty sure he'd had enough. Neah's eyebrow twitched.

"Oh you think you're so special?" Neah ripped off his stained shirt and threw it dramatically on the ground; he put one leg up on the table and posed. "Well screw you; I don't need you or a shirt to tell me how handsome I am!" Maria applauded, throwing a glass across the room in celebration. Lizzy rolled her head toward Neah admired the view. Cross just leaned back and folded his arms as he regarded his friend.

"Neah what the hell are you doing? We all know you're not drunk, your metabolism simply won't allow you to be." Neah frowned from his place on top of the table and quickly sat back down with a pout. He picked up his wine and downed the rest in one gulp.

He remained as sober as ever.

"No need to rub it in, you humans have it so easy sometimes. Sure I can heal from injuries at a rate a hundred times that of a normal person, but I only had a chance to get really drunk one time when I was thirteen. I figured I had all the time in the world for that." The gay mood suddenly turned dark.

"I guess we all had plans for something else at some point in our lives. I mean where did you guys picture you would be now, before the Order and everything?" Maria cocked her head and thought as she poured more wine.

"I don't know, I guess I always assumed I would be a singer somewhere. I wanted to get out so bad and to do something magnificent." She closed her eyes as her vision danced before her.

"I could just see myself being on a stage somewhere, there's an audience of thousands, all waiting to hear me sing. I come out in this beautiful dress, black, silky and elegant and I would sing, and I would sing so well that I get a standing ovation and flowers thrown at me." She sighed, taking a slow sip of wine with her head tilted to the side as if hearing some far off crowd in her head.

"And groupies too, sexy, male groupies who love me and do whatever I say." She added, helpfully turning toward Neah who had the dignity to squirm uncomfortably at his rather disheveled appearance.

"I guess I would probably still be at home." Lizzy said, sitting up and resting her elbows on the table in a manner that would have gotten her smacked at home. "Or I'd be married to some fat, rich bastard. That's what father did with Lydie and Cathy; I think Jane only escaped it because of her illness. She might not be able to walk for more than ten minutes at a time but at least she's not someone's bitch." She twirled her empty wine glass in front of her.

"I'd probably still be a stuck up rich girl, miserable in whatever I was doing and taking it out on everyone else. It's funny, I thought the world had come to an end when I came here, but really despite all the hardships, I think it was only the beginning." She snorted in a most unladylike fashion. "I can't process this right now, Neah?" she tapped her glass and Neah happily obliged her by filling it up. She took a large gulp and coughed a little at the wine's thick flavor.

"W-what-what about you Cross, what would you be doing without the Order?" Cross rolled his eyes and picked up his wine again, he would need it to tackle this problem.

"I don't think I ever really had a choice, I mean one way or another I think I would've ended up here eventually. My old man worked here way before I was born, I have fucking baby pictures of me in the science department. I'd probably still be a scientist if I wasn't an exorcist, I'm damn good at it and I probably could've been useful there." He tilted his head causing Timcanpy to fall onto the table.

"Exhibit A." the golem fluttered angrily and settled instead in Neah's abandoned, wine soaked shirt on the floor.

"Fuck so is this destiny?" Neah asked incredulously, trying and failing to pull the wine back from Maria. "I mean, I'm twenty years old, I'd have probably left Mana by now… well maybe, I don't know. I guess I would've found something, though the truth is, I never really had a chance to find out what I was good at. I learned a little about life on the road, how to pick pockets and where to find the best places to sleep outside, but nothing really… marketable." Neah admitted, shrugging his bare shoulders where his pale bullet wound was plainly visible for all to see.

He had, earlier in the evening, brought up the glaring incident in Australia which had haunted him for some time. He had been honestly surprised at how well they took it. Cross had even apologized.

"What about the piano?" Maria added helpfully. "You could play the background for my shows; we could tour together and be the most famous act in the Western world." She proclaimed smiling as she began pouring the wine she recovered from Neah. She, however, missed the wine glass allowing the wine to spill languorously onto the table. Cross reached over and pushed the glass so it was within range of the pouring wine. Neah leaned back with a soft smile on his face.

"Yeah, that'd be real nice. We would do this every night and then we would always be together."

"Well not just the two of you." Lizzy said, setting down her glass and assuming a noble and haughty expression the three of them hadn't seen on her face in a while.

"I have always been a lover of the arts, had you two of you performed, I would have been your wealthy supporter following you and enjoying every single show you put on." She smiled, clinking her glass with Neah's as she leaned against him. Neah smiled back, feeling only a little ashamed of himself for taking advantage of her drunkenness. "Now where would Cross be?"

"Somehow I don't see him as a groupie." That got everyone but Cross laughing. "I don't know, he'd be the manager or something, you know, keeping us in order and yelling at us to do things; basically doing what he does now only with an official title." Cross sneered in Neah's direction. Lizzy had pulled back from the conversation and looked at the ceiling deep in thought as the boys argued.

"Do you guys think we'll find each other again?" the others paused in their bantering to listen to her soft voice. "When this is, all of this" she gestured to the general area around her "is gone, do you think… do you think we'll be able to find each other again, you know, in the next life?" She looked at them solemnly.

"Do you think friendships can last more than one lifetime?" Neah smiled and wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

"I don't see why not." He said, quietly giving it a light squeeze "When that time comes, I'll do everything in my power to find you again" he looked up "all of you." Maria scooted her chair so she was close enough to reach Neah's other hand.

"We will meet again, I promise." A warm silence followed as each was reassured in the knowledge that they would never be separated again.

"Well you know, it's a pretty big world out there and even if in the unlikely possibility that we all are reincarnated, the statistical chances that all four of us would meet again are-" Cross said leaning back in his chair thoughtfully as he contemplated the exact numbers.

"Way to kill the mood." Neah grinned releasing the girls from their circle and leaning his head onto his hand. "Knowing you, you'll end up old, broke and alone." Cross sipped his wine, but did not argue.

"Neah that's not very nice! He's just a cynic. Don't worry Cross, we all know how you can be, but we will find your ass and bring you back into our happy little circle whether you like it or not." Lizzy huffed. "We've left a permanent stain on your soul and you're not getting rid of us that easily."

"I thought we weren't going to get onto this mushy stuff." Cross said taking another sip of his glass, now starting to feel a little bit light headed. He had planned on staying away from the wine so Neah wouldn't alone in his sobriety, but hell, if they were going to talk like that…

"Cross is right!" Maria shouted suddenly slamming her fists on the table making the empty plates and hollow wine bottles jump. "This is a party goddammit and we are going to get drunk off of our asses and dance until we pass out!" Neah shrugged and poured more wine, it at least let him pretend he was human and was able to enjoy the simple pleasure of drunkenness.

He really wished he could tell his next reincarnation to drink as much alcohol as he could before his Inner Noah came out; it was no fun being so clear-headed all the time. Especially in this crowd.

"Dance with me Marian!" Maria shouted holding her hand out to the not quite drunk exorcist.

"No." He answered coldly trying to locate the closest bottle of wine, he reached for one and peered inside, empty dammit. "Besides there's no music." He said, placing the bottle back on the table with a dissatisfied thud. As he spoke, a melodious song filled the air, they turned, it was Timcanpy. He had his mouth open and out came some soft music and a series of strange symbols arranged in a circle. Neah grinned proudly.

"I finally finished my music score; it's perfect. Now if only I could get Lizzy to sing it for me." Lizzy blushed and shook her head nervously. "That melody will control everything on the Ark, able to override even the Earl's commands. It's-it's my greatest achievement." They stood quietly for a moment noting the significance of the statement before the party went back to its usual exuberance.

Maria would not be refused now that there was music. Cross sighed and foregoing his search for mind-altering substances, submitted to Maria's dance. He did not, however, submit to the rather invasive way her hands were on him. While Cross informed Maria for the millionth time the definition of personal space, Neah and Lizzy ended up dancing on the side. They swayed in time with the music, though it couldn't really be called dancing, it was more like Neah was trying to keep Lizzy from falling to the floor in a drunken heap.

There was dancing and a lot more drinking and sadly Cross never really did achieve his goal of getting drunk. It was fun, really fun that for the first time in a while they were able to laugh unimpeded.

_This is it,_ they each thought to themselves separately amid the gaiety and drunkenness that pervaded the evening and early morning. _This is the last time we'll be able to be together like this until the war is over. _They'd think and then swiftly push out of their minds.

But that statement wasn't quite correct.

This was, in fact, the last time the four of them would ever enjoy each other's company in this lifetime.

The next is whole other story that hasn't been written yet.

* * *

_War, children, it's just a shot away_

_It's just a shot away_

_War, children, it's just a shot away_

_It's just a shot away. ~ The Rolling Stones_

* * *

In the words of the late, great Jim Morrison 'This is the eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeend'. This chapter marks the beginning of the end of this story. Though don't count me out just yet. Despite the fact that we're at the final arc, there's still about nine chapters left (sweat drops) it doesn't cover much time but a lot of crap happens and it kind of escalated out of control. Still, this chapter is quite the game changer. The Earl has started to launch his final campaign, the Noah have been revealed and the children must prepare themselves to fight a war all by themselves. You know you like these characters if you get teary eyed at that last statement, I know I do every time I read it. This is just one last true moment of happiness before it all hits the proverbial fan.

Reviews make me happy, even the ones which yell at me for character abuse (actually, those are my favorite). So if you like what you see, please drop me a line and feed a poor fanfiction writer's starving ego. To everyone who has read and reviewed (bows) I thank you all and I hope you will let me guide you the last few chapters to this story's conclusion.

Also! Please take a moment to look in the upper left hand corner at the cover I uploaded for this story. It's not perfect, but I must admit I am quite proud of it. Sadly, that's about as big as it'll get on fanfiction. If you desire to see a larger picture of it, it is up on my profile or you can pm me and I will send it to you.

Be kind to one another and hug a puppy or small child today on this lovely (if extremely warm) Tuesday. Happy fourth to you all!

Expect another update on Tuesday July 10th

(1)- Son of a bitch

_Gimmie Shelter_ (c) is the property of the Rolling Stones


	19. London Calling

_Disclaimer: I do not own any part of D. Gray-man nor any of its characters. I can only close my eyes and quietly play dress up with said characters in my head and hope I'm not desecrating Hoshino Katsura's work too much._

For those of you who care, Author's Notes will be at the end of every chapter and any and all questions will be gleefully answered if asked.

* * *

_London calling to the faraway towns_

_Now that war is declared-and battle comes down_

_London calling to the underworld_

_Come out of the cupboard, all you boys and girls._

* * *

Cross yawned as his internal clock pulled him from a rather pleasurable slumber. He opened his eyes and was of course, not surprised to find Lizzy to his right, blissfully asleep with some of her brown hair curled on his fist. She breathed slowly and deeply, lost in the one place this war couldn't reach. God she looked beautiful.

He was, however, surprised to hear moaning coming from the left side of his bed. He turned his head and was suddenly face to face with Maria, her long legs hanging over the end of his bed, as she settled further into her pillow which was, in fact, his pillow. Cross felt the beginnings of a familiar ache rise in his temples as he sat up slowly in his bed, taking care not to disturb the two sleeping girls.

Which brought up the point of why he had not one, but two females in his bed sound asleep.

He was pretty sure they hadn't been there when he had gone to bed. Lizzy was known to drop in every now again, more often than not recently, but Maria wasn't even supposed to be on this continent. This, of course, left only one explanation as to why she was here.

But still, why the fuck did Neah leave her in _his_ room?

He rubbed his head, no, now wasn't the time to get upset. He should be used to this type of stuff by now. He sighed; once upon a time he had been content just to eat and sleep at reasonable hours, now he happy just to wake up in a bed with the same number of people that were in it when he had fallen asleep.

One would be surprised to discover how much a Noah could complicate one's life.

Stretching out his neck and arms, he slowly crawled over Lizzy's form to get out of the bed. She yawned and rolled over, but remained asleep. He sighed in relief. Good, she needed it.

The first thing he noticed once he was out of bed was the note on his bedside table, right next to Judgment. Three guesses as to whom it was from and the first two don't count. From Neah's neat and elegant script, Cross determined once and for all that Neah was an arrogant, lazy, bastardly, son-of a bitch.

Neah claimed he had a horrendously hectic day planned for today and doubted he would have the time to drop Maria off here later in the day as he had done every day for the past nine days.

So instead, Neah decided to drop her off in the middle of the night.

In his bed.

Cross ignored the smiley face at the bottom telling him how adorable he looked when asleep and only the thought of waking the girls prevented him from tearing the note to shreds.

As quietly as he could, he set about getting dressed and getting his persona fixed into place. The pressure was starting to get to everyone; he didn't want his friends to worry any more than they had to. If he could pretend everything was alright, well, maybe it just might be. The sun was starting to rise and in a rare show of sentimentalism, he leaned on his window sill and watched the sunrise.

_Would today be the day_? He thought as the fiery mass of hydrogen many millions of miles away steadily rose. _Would this be the last sunrise he sees? _A nudge to his right and he scooted over allowing Maria to stand next to him, she yawned and ruffled her short, sleep tosseled hair.

"Sorry about this" she said rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "According to Neah, the Earl's going to have him busy all day and since I'm doing nothing sitting at my base watching people run around like chickens, he thought it might be easiest for me to come last night."

"There are other beds in Europe you know, empty ones." She grinned as the sun fell on her face making her white teeth glisten.

"Who in their right mind would go for a cold, empty bed when I have one all ready for me complete with two bed warmers." She winked at him. "Besides, Neah was right, you do look pretty cute when you're sleeping. Did you know that you sleep talk?" He snorted and turned back to the rising sun. "It looks like it's going to be a nice day today." She said quietly.

"Yeah I guess." He suddenly looked over at her and, more specifically, what she was wearing. "Is that my shirt?" She grinned and stepped back to show off her uniform skirt underneath one of Cross's few civilian shirts. His right eye twitched a little as she spun around gaily.

"Yup, I feel so domestic wearing the shirt of a handsome young man." She paused and put a finger to her chin as if deep in thought.

"If I sleep in your bed and wear your clothes does that mean we're going steady?"

Lizzy darted awake a few moments later at the sound of Cross finally reaching the end of his patience. She just sighed and scratched her head as Cross shouted at Maria.

Just another day at headquarters.

The rest of the morning was not nearly as eventful. Cross was eventually persuaded to leave Maria alone and Maria reluctantly took off Cross's shirt. Alone. There was no need to start another argument between the two, at least not this early.

Breakfast commenced as usual, they made light, nonsensical chatter as they avoided any topics that were too serious. One poor kid, a new Inductee Lizzy believed, tripped with his tray and spilled his food all over a few upper class exorcists. Needless to say, Maria had been highly amused by the situation and had laughed quite loudly, much to the chagrin of the dirty, angry exorcists.

There had been a near fight between them and Cross as they had angrily confronted Maria and were only escaped unscathed because a passing General had told them to break it up. In the few short seconds the other exorcists had turned to address the General, Lizzy had grabbed the both of them and dragged them as fast as she could out of the cafeteria.

Like she said, it was so normal it was scary.

They now sat on the roof. She didn't know why she took them up here, it was actually pretty cold out, but they were there now and they might as well make the best of it. Cross was complaining that he could've taken on those exorcists. It really pained her to remind him that he probably couldn't have, so she didn't. There were a few other people on the roof, mostly new Inductees, as the shifts changed for the morning.

They had a massive amount of people on watch during the night hours. She and Cross had actually been on a few of those sucky nights, waiting in anticipation for the Millennium Earl's final attack. Now at seven o' clock on what was turning out to be a beautiful Sunday morning, the bleary eyed people who had stayed up all night waiting for an enemy that never came switched off with the bright-eyed young students anxious to make an impression in a war they had only barely begun to understand.

God she wished she'd had time to grab some coffee.

"What do you think Neah's doing right now?" Maria asked, her legs thrown precariously over the side of the building. A small nudge would be all it would take to push her off. Cross shrugged.

"I don't know, you were with him last night, you would know best." Maria frowned thoughtfully.

"Yeah, but that's the thing, Neah didn't know either. He was pretty jumpy last night, I mean we were only together for about ten minutes, but he was so antsy." She balanced her elbow on her knee and leaning forward, allowed her chin to rest in her palm.

"It was, I don't know, weird. He said the Earl hadn't told him anything and you know how the Earl's been with Neah telling him everything and all, the sudden ambiguity was strange." Cross leaned forward as he studied her expression, now giving her his full attention.

"Is that so, did Neah mention anything else? Did he do anything out of the ordinary?" Maria blushed of all things and turned her eyes downwards toward her lap. Lizzy's eyebrows rose, wondering what on earth could have caused the shameless and hopelessly brash Maria to blush like a school girl.

"Well, I'm sure it's-it's nothing."

"Come on; you can tell us, you know Neah" Cross said. His tone was light, but his deep eyes betrayed his urgency. _What was he up to?_ Lizzy wondered, leaning forward unconsciously.

"As I said, I'm-I'm sure it's nothing, but he uh, he uh kissed me." Cross blinked once and then twice drawing back, clearly surprised by her answer.

"He what?" He squawked, causing some birds on a nearby wall to fly off fearfully. Maria blushed some more and waved off their stunned and penetrating gazes.

"It's not what you think. It was just on the cheek anyway. We got to your room and it was-I don't know- twelve or one in the morning and it was as we were saying goodbye. I told you he'd been real twitchy since he had picked me up at my base and-

_Neah looked up her tenderly, suddenly struck by how much he cared for her. He paused for a second, wondering where the sudden emotion had come from. He shook his head, he was just nervous, he didn't like that the Earl was suddenly being so secretive with him. _

_But still, standing there in the doorway of his friend's room, Cross sound asleep, muttering something indistinguishable under his breath with Lizzy there beside him, Neah felt so terribly alone. _

This is it,_ he thought in a moment of panic. _This is the last time-_ and then the thought faded back to whatever visionary part of his brain it had crawled out of and all he was left with was a bad feeling and an unconditional love for the people in front of him. _

_Prompted by something beyond himself, he found himself standing on the tips of his toes and giving Maria a light, tender and oh so loving peck on the cheek. She gasped lightly as the sudden unexpected show of affection and brought her hand up to the spot where he had kissed her. Neah rocked on his feet uncomfortably, unsure of how to explain the behavior he himself didn't understand._

"_Nea-" _

"_J-just be careful okay. I couldn't stand it if anything happened to you. I-I love you, you know."_

_Maria smiled and held her cheek, gazing down with fondness at her friend, her silly sentimental friend._

"_Yeah, I uh, I love you too. Though I think you're the one who needs to be careful." He smiled lightly, though it didn't even come close to reaching his eyes. He raised a hand in hesitant parting._

"_Well uh, I'll try and stop by tomorrow or uh later today if I can, but if not I'll uh I'll see you around." Maria smirked at his silliness, getting over her shock enough to really look at him. __He looked tired and scared, of what, she could only imagine._

"_You know," she put forward tentatively, as if she was uncertain. "You know w-we will meet again right? I'm mean, this-this isn't goodbye" Whatever moment had passed before was gone before her eyes and the Neah she knew put a hand on his neck in embarrassment. _

"_Ye-yeah, of course I know that, I just, you know, I just want you to be careful." That was Neah, always looking out for others. She had her hand on the door, it was late, she was exhausted and frankly she just wanted Neah to go away so she could get some sleep._

_But he didn't leave and she didn't close the door._

"_Well er… I won't keep you any longer so uh goodnight." He said suddenly, stepping back slowly while still looking at her. "I'll uh see you around and do be careful alright?" she leaned against the door._

"_Yeah, yeah you too, goodnight." She said quietly as she shut the door._

_A fate sealed and another door forever closed, never quite in control of their destinies as they hurtled toward battle._

"-I don't know, I know Neah's got this whole Noah thing going on, but I'm telling you it was weird." Maria finished, rubbing her arms in an attempt to fight off the sudden chill.

"Well, I'm sure it's nothing. Neah can be weird sometimes and with all the stress right now I wouldn't be surprised if he lost it every now and again." Cross replied uneasily. Lizzy shivered, Maria was right, there was something unnerving about the whole ordeal, but to admit that out loud would mean to admit their lives weren't really their own, that something else was at play here.

And that thought was just too frightening to comprehend.

Lizzy stretched her legs suddenly feeling cramped, uncomfortable…

Trapped

_You're being silly,_ she told herself as she slowly kneaded the knots within her twitchy legs._ There is no such thing as fate or destiny; it's just you doing your best to save your friends. _

"You alright Liz?" she looked up to see Maria looking over at her with concern, a light hand on Lizzy's shoulder. Lizzy smiled at her. Things were just stressful, but they'd get through it, they always did.

"Yeah, I am now, thank y-" she paused as Maria's face took on a harsh, alert tension "Is everything alright, Maria? Maria?" the grip on Lizzy's shoulder tightened as the older exorcist suddenly and perilously stood on the top of the wall, scanning the clear, blue skies.

"Maria, you really should come down, it's not safe." Cross said vacantly, looking for whatever had alerted the older girl, Judgment already out by his side. Lizzy gulped, no it was too soon.

"M-Maria. Please, Cross is right you really should come down…" Almost against her will, she slowly began to pull Crime and Punishment out of her holsters.

"Pull the alarm." Maria said suddenly her voice deep and authoritative. "I was too slow last time; you need to pull the alarm now. I can't see them, but my Innocence can feel the Akuma." Lizzy tightened her grip her weapons and took a deep breath. Maria turned back down to them with a fiery glare.

"What the hell are you waiting for? Pull the fucking alarm!" Lizzy was up and on the other side of the roof a few seconds later. Cross stayed where he was, gazing intently up into the sky for Maria's supposed Akuma. Lizzy had a brief moment of panic as she ridiculously thought she would be unable to find to find the alarm. Eventually though she hit the wall and after stumbling for a few seconds, she wrapped her hands around the lever, sent a brief prayer to the God she wasn't sure she believed in, and pulled it down.

A heartbeat went by and then the world fell apart.

The alarm blazed loudly, ringing painfully in her ears, she turned around to get back to the others when a loud explosion caused her to stumble and fall to the ground. Akuma, oh my God Maria was right, they were being attacked. She couldn't estimate given that she was still sprawled on the ground, but judging by the deafening sound of bullets, their numbers were impossibly large.

"Maria!" she looked over to her friends where the explosion had apparently thrown Maria off of the wall she had been balancing on.

Fear and panic can bring a strange clarity to things. Even from the other side of the roof, Lizzy could see the stunned and fearful expression on Maria's face as her feet left the ground, her arms spun and careened forward in an instinctive and ultimately futile ploy to regain balance. Just as Maria's torso was about to disappear from behind the wall, Cross had leaned over and grabbed her hand. _That's right;_ Lizzy thought dimly as she scrambled to her feet and ran over. _He was closer than she was. _

Cross was struggling against Maria's weight, Judgment thrown carelessly to the ground where he had abandoned it in order to grab Maria's hand. His grip slid a little and suddenly he was almost over the wall himself trying desperately to hold onto her. Elsewhere, she could feel the ancient building shuddering violently as exorcists rushed out to greet the new threat. At the moment though, they could have been invisible for all the attention she paid to them. Some things were just more important.

She finally reached them and without hesitation reached over and grabbed Maria's other wrist. The total time elapsed between when Maria had lost her balance to now couldn't have been more than ten seconds. But God it had seemed like forever. Lizzy grit her teeth as she planted her feet to the ground and tried to pull up her much larger friend. Dammit she was heavy!

The rocks on the wall were loosening and if they kept this up they would all tumble over. Maria looked up at them with wide eyes as she took in the scene that was unfolding behind them. The sounds of battle were getting closer and closer...

"You have to let me g-"

"Shut the fuck up Maria!" Cross shouted between gasps. "We are not letting you go, even if we go down with you, we not going to let you go!" His shoulders pitched dangerously as more of the wall fell apart. The judging by the noise, the fighting was getting more intense and it would only be a matter of time before some Akuma took a shot and got them all killed. They didn't have time to waste. Cross's grip on Maria tightened to combat his sweaty palms' attempt to lose her.

"You promised that you would see Neah again. What the hell would I tell him if I just let you go! I will never- never let any of you go!" He leaned back, ignoring the sweat dripping into his eyes. Together with their combined strength and sheer determination, they were able to pull Maria up enough that she could reach a handhold and crawl up the wall.

As soon as Maria's feet were firmly back on the ground, Cross coughed and heavily leaned on his knees as he gasped for air. Lizzy wiped her slick forehead, feeling every ache the exertion had caused. God the battle hadn't even started and they were already completely exhausted. Cross stooped slowly after a moment to grab his forgotten weapon.

"Maria" he said heavily, examining the weapon before looking up into her deep green eyes. "Don't you ever ask me to do something like that again." Another explosion rocked headquarters and the moment passed. Cross held the grip of his gun with fierce intensity. "Alright, it's here. Remember what we talked about, but always be ready to change plans. I don't know where Neah is or what he's doing but we'll meet up with him eventually. Right now, we're here and it's our job to defend this base and kill as many Akuma as we can. I think we should-" he paused as if hesitant to speak his next thought.

"I think… I think we should split up. Lizzy and I work well as a team and we can kill more Akuma combined than apart. And your defensive Innocence would be best served doing your job; protecting the people of this base." They nodded, it was a good strategy of course, but to split up so soon after one of them had come close to death? Maria took a step back and put her hand up in parting wave.

"Understood, I'll be back, don't worry. It's not like I'm going to fall of the building or anything." She turned and ran down the steps, her voice echoing in the collapsing walls. "Good luck and be careful!" Cross stared at her retreating form until she disappeared from view. He turned to Lizzy with serious eyes, Judgment held up at firing level. Lizzy had never been so scared in her life, but she wasn't alone.

She would never be alone.

She raised her pistols and arranged her face to be as strong as Cross's. Without another word, they took off together running in perfect synchronicity, running into battle, running full speed toward the whatever destiny awaited them. She only hoped they were prepared.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Neah lay in bed for a long time that morning, he kept checking his pocket obsessively _-Father gave me this watch, this watch was my father's once, he trusted me with this watch. _He would think half crazed to himself all the while wondering where these bizarre thoughts were coming from- watching the hours tick by.

He'd watched from the time when he had dropped Maria off at one next at one fifteen to one twenty-four, one fifty-six and so on until Neah was sure he was going crazy as the little hand ticked on seven twenty-six. _This is ridiculous, _he thought, forcing himself to set the beaten silver pocket watch on his night table, knowing that it would be back in his hands within a few minutes.

_What am I waiting for?_ He threw his arm over his eyes, lamenting that another night of sleep had eluded him. He would survive, but he wouldn't be happy about it. He kicked off the covers and stood up; ignoring the chilly air that greedily sucked away his warmth. He wasn't doing anyone any good lying here being neurotic, he really should've gone to see the guys hours ago, but he hadn't been able to compel his body from bed. Sometimes he was so weird even he couldn't stand it.

He got dressed slowly and methodically, taking care to straighten every last wrinkle on his white Noah shirt and tame every stray hair. He found himself relishing the coarse, yet forgiving, material of this much hated outfit. The Earl wanted them 'in spirit' for the upcoming ragnorak so they were all required to wear this damn thing.

_God it was just going to be one of those days,_ he thought, checking his watch yet again. It now read seven thirty four and soon even that moment had slipped away never again to be recovered.

Mostly satisfied with his appearance, he stepped out in the hall and was surprised to find nothing. He checked his watch again and found the second hand clicking away unawares. Usually by this time one could hear Amora beating the crap out of her punching bag from her room down the hall. Hassan could be overheard moving books and muttering to himself from the library as Neah passed it. Edmund would be off breaking something, sounds which normally resonated through the halls.

But this morning in Edo, Japan, there was nothing but silence.

And Neah found himself very unnerved and very, very afraid.

_So they slept in,_ he thought disdainfully at his panicked response as began straightening out the wrinkle free fabric of his shirt. _The Earl's been working them hard since the attack on headquarters so they're taking a rest. No big deal. _But he still couldn't shake off the feeling that he was being watched, judged as he walked down the desolate hallway. He fingered his watch in his pocket, resisting the urge to check the time and count how many precious seconds were rapidly slipping through his hands.

He quietly opened the door to the dining hall and found it was also empty. No plates or silverware were set out and no Akuma servant was waiting to aid him. Surely the early risers such as Analyse and would already be thinking of breakfast around this time. He broke down and checked his watch. Seven-forty seven, where_ was_ everyone? He bit his lip, there was only one place he hadn't checked, the only other place they could be. His body fell into an easy rhythm as he traced the familiar path to the Earl's study, his mind rebelling with every step. He had to know, he had to know what was going on.

Even if he really didn't want to.

He reached the study sooner than he would have liked and stood outside the door counting the seconds in his head. It was an improvement from the watch he supposed. Raising his hand with a bravery he did not know he possessed and knocked on the door, it echoed listlessly.

"Come in Neah I've been expecting you " A deep breath and a few passing seconds later, Neah opened the door to the study. The Earl sat there, calm, composed and at ease sipping a hot cup of tea as he looked at his globe. He nodded to Neah and pointed with his head to his usual seat across from the Earl. He crossed the room and sat down in the chair, where a cup of tea was quickly placed in his hands. Almost as if he had been expected.

He decided not to think about this and drank his tea, savoring the familiar comfort of Earl Grey. Neah did, despite what Cross claimed, have a sense of humor and he almost burst out in manic, hysterical laughter. Here he was sitting here in mortal terror seeking solace from the Earl of Millennium in a cup of Earl Grey. He didn't though and merely satisfied himself with more, surprisingly dissatisfying, tea.

"Good morning brother, I trust you slept well." Neah nodded, going through the everyday pleasantries awaiting the shoe that would undoubtedly drop.

"I was going to wake you earlier when your brothers and sisters left, but I thought you needed your rest, you have a big day today." The tea suddenly tasted bitter in Neah's mouth and he set it down with nearly steady hands. The Earl set his cup down as well and dabbed his mouth with a handkerchief lightly as if he had all the time in the world.

"Our time has come brother, as we speak an army of Akuma the Order has never seen is gathering around Headquarters. Some of your siblings are there already, but others are leading their own smaller armies to other Order bases." The Earl said heavily. Neah took a breath and let it out slowly, feeling a little of the tension leave him. So it had really started, at least now he was prepared, at least now that he knew what he facing he could handle it. He just hoped the others could.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked calmly, staring into the Earl's eyes. Anyone else would've mistaken such intensity for loyalty, but Neah could only muster a powerful hatred. The Earl smiled and patted his knee affectionately, still believing in his beloved Noah brother.

"Oh do relax brother; this is supposed to be enjoyable. All our hard work, all these years of hiding and fighting will soon be over. I want to wait a little bit before sending you out. It's just about eight o' clock, so the Akuma should either be attacking or ready to attack at any minute. I'd like to give you about a half an hour or so, time enough to cause panic so your entrance will be unnoticed for as long as possible." The Earl said, his permanent smile never faltering.

"Speaking of which, I have something for you." The Earl said, reaching behind him and after a bit of rustling, pulled out a spotless, wrinkle free exorcist's coat. Neah gulped with the realization that the Earl probably hadn't found it as clean as it was now.

"Rhode pulled this off a dying exorcist on her last mission, it looks to be around your size, but it might be a little big. It won't be that much of a bother either way as you won't have it on for long. While you're wearing this, no one will be able to distinguish you from any other of the filthy, whining exorcist running around. From there you will destroy them from the inside out, allowing the Akuma and Noah to invade and claim the castle as our own." The Earl leaned over and dropped the coat in his lap and clapped a hand on his shoulder. Neah didn't look up and just stared down at the coat with intense sadness. Another life he had been unable to save.

"Don't worry, you'll do fine, you just have to remember that you are the superior being. Just imagine about how wonderful it will be without all these pesky humans to bother us." And Neah could, all too clearly. He shut his eyes against the images of Lizzy, Maria, Cross, Mana and every other person he had ever loved, lying dead and bloody in a circle surrounding him with their blood dripping warmly from his trembling hands…

_No,_ he resolved. _This is it; this is where the game ends. This is where you stand up and meet your destiny, whatever the hell that is; it's time to man up. _Neah gripped his new coat. He would rather wear his own, the one given to him by his friends, but that would only make the Earl suspicious at a time when Neah wanted to appear anything but disloyal in the eyes of the Earl.

Neah wanted the Earl's full faith in him right up until the moment he betrayed him.

Neah let a smile form on his face and for the first time, it was actually a genuinely malicious smile. _I will kill you,_ it said through a mouthful of glittering teeth, _and I will enjoy every minute of it._

"Alright my Lord, I understand." Neah said, giving a short bow. It fluttered briefly across his mind that this would almost certainly be the last time he ever did such an action to the Earl; in fact, this would probably be the last time Neah ever spoke to him, on friendly terms at least. "Do you mind if I get some breakfast before I go?" The Earl nodded turning his back on Neah to hungrily hover over his globe.

"Of course brother, you may do what you wish up until the time you leave. If I don't see before then I want to wish you luck and thank you for everything you have done. I expect great things from you; I do hope you make me proud." Neah hugged the coat hard against his chest, wondering how the others were faring out there in Akuma hell. He could do this, he had to, for them, he just had to.

"Don't push yourself too hard." Neah said extending a friendly hand out to the man he had served for so long "I'll be by your side no matter what happens." The Earl looked up and smiled gratefully before returning to his work. Neah almost felt bad, the Earl really trusted him and here Neah was saying pretty little lies all the while plotting his death. _Nothing you can do about it now, _he thought.

Out of habit more than anything, he bowed before he stepped outside and shut the door. He took a deep breath as a weight fell off of his chest. Well that was it, no more dinners, no dancing around pretty threats with the Noah, no more listening to the Earl and his drivel. His short and spectacular career as a Noah had officially come to an end.

Thank fucking God.

Taking another deep steadying breath, Neah walked down the hallway slipping the coat easily on him. He wondered who this person had been. Obviously a tidy young man, the coat was very well kept, but the feel of the material told Neah that it was a well-worn coat. He, like Neah, had been tall and lanky maybe some kid probably in his late teens or early twenties. He'd probably had dreams just like Neah, dreams of a peaceful life after the war maybe with a pretty girl by his side. Dreams that would remain forever unfulfilled thanks to the Earl.

_I'm sorry,_ he thought gripping the deceased boy's coat. _I'm sorry I couldn't save you, but I promise you this, you will not have died in vain. I will avenge you, you and all your fallen brothers and sisters._

And speaking of brothers, he needed to call Mana, needed to tell him to be ready to leave whenever Neah came for him. After everything went to hell in a hand basket, they would all have to go into hiding for a while. It was all planned; whatever lives they had lived before today were now forfeit, now the only things that mattered were survival and the Earl's eventual demise.

He slid his hands into his pockets as he went over the remaining details of their plan. He only hoped the guys would still be alive when he reached headquarters, they were fantastic exorcists, but they were only human. There was hundred thousand things that could be happening to them right this second. Neah shook his head fitfully. He couldn't think like that, he didn't know what he would do if they were dead, so he wouldn't even allow that to be a possibility.

He felt the watch shift in his pocket and he gripped it tightly. Every moment from here on out was precious, but he was prepared, as prepared as he would ever be. Sitting here, staring at his watch wouldn't make time stop and it wouldn't save the people dying right now. All he could do was relax and prepare for everything he had coming to him.

He would make use of his seconds and count down the moments until he was finally free.

Neah entered the dining hall, still empty and soundless and sat at his usual spot at the head of the table next to the Earl. He surveyed the vacant chairs and held up a glass that had been recently set out, probably preparing for the celebratory dinner tonight. He held it toward the ceiling where the light glinted off of it and, staring off into his imaginary audience, he breathed deeply.

"To you, my family, I give you my all. I only pray it will be enough." His words resounded back at him as no answer came, though he could hear a thousand different replies in his head as his family, his real family, sat around the table alive and happy.

"Master Neah?" He set the glass down and folded his hands looking up the Akuma servant.

"I'd like eggs benedict with a side of hash browns and sausage and please also be sure not to burn the English muffin." She nodded and made her way back. "Wait! Wine! I need wine too! For what I'm about to do, I need to be as relaxed as possible." She left as quickly as she came and Neah was left with an empty glass and an empty hall. He only hoped time would change both of these.

**DGMDGMDGM**

"Fuck!" Cross heard Lizzy curse as they slammed together into a wall. Well to be accurate, she crashed into him causing him to slam into a wall. He regained his breath and grabbed Lizzy to steady her. Her coat had been ripped to shreds by an Akuma and his fingers brushed against bare skin as he pulled his hands away from her hips. He was already exhausted though he imagined they'd only been fighting for half an hour at number of Akuma was seemingly endless; he would kill one only to find ten in its place.

He stepped over yet another body as he lead Lizzy down the hall. It was some kid Cross had seen walking down the halls occasionally, a new recruit with red hair a little lighter than his own and about a million freckles.

He was missing his entire lower half letting blood and… other things to spill out.

Lizzy cupped her mouth and turned away as they walk by, though it really wasn't anything special. There were plenty of dead or near dead bodies lying around, this kid was just another in a long line of tragedies. But they weren't exactly well off themselves.

Lizzy had a bad cut on her face from some shrapnel and her aforementioned coat had certainly seen better days. She'd been slammed into a few too many walls and was moving a lot slower than she had been twenty minutes ago. He also thinks she may have strained her ankle dodging bullets minutes ago.

He had gotten his left arm wretched at an angle the rotator cuff was not meant to go and his arm hurt like fucking hell. At least it wasn't his shooting arm he reasoned with his remaining shred of optimism. He also had a copious amount of blood oozing from a wound along his clavicle where an Akuma had tried to slit his throat.

All in all, they weren't in the best of shape, but they were still out here fighting. He pulled Lizzy back as one brave scientist threw a bomb, causing a large amount of rubble to fall onto some Akuma.

The exorcists alive enough to move were on it immediately, dispatching the Akuma awkwardly and wildly. It was crazy in here, the organization of rank and strategy had quickly fallen apart and now it was about as orderly as a barroom brawl in here. He raised Judgment and shot four Akuma right in a row not taking the time to watch them explode.

He grabbed Lizzy with his bad arm and they continued running.

"Where are we going?" She shouted, between the exorcists' screams of fury and pain, the Akuma exploding and screeching and the hundred year old castle collapsing around them, it was pretty damn loud in here. He couldn't spare her a reassuring glance and risk taking his eyes off their path. There were so many obstacles and you never knew what might pop out and try to kill you.

"Nowhere, we're just killing time and Akuma until Neah gets here. We just need to stay and fight for as long as we can until we go and fight the Earl." He tightened his grip on her hand without thinking. Maria's near fall on the roof earlier had unnerved him more than he would care to admit. What bothered him the most had been her complete willingness to die to prevent them from going over with her.

He decided that exorcists were just too damn noble for their own good.

He would not lose Lizzy, no matter what happened, he would not leave her in a situation where she would have to ask him to do such an awful task. He would never make that decision. If it came down to that, he would see that she didn't die alone. But until that undesirable outcome occurred, he was going to kill as many fucking Akuma as he could and get his goddamned home back.

He was pushed to the side as an Akuma corpse streamed by before exploding. It was General Fleming and beside him was General Lenore Poe, heralding her shadowy ravens to dispense a gruesome level two. She may have been a drunken bitch, but goddamn was she good. He had no further time to admire the awesome power of the Generals as he found himself paralyzed. He wasn't worried though; he could hear Maria's song behind him, getting closer with each second.

Finally it stopped and he felt Maria's hand on his shoulders, alleviating half the stress on his mind. It was crazy in here, it was hard enough just trying to find up from down much less trying locate another exorcist. It was difficult and limiting to keep one hand on Lizzy, but he wouldn't lose her in this crowd. Who knew if he would be able to find her again?

"You guys are okay, I'm… I'm so glad. I was so worried and there a-are so many bodies around and some are missing heads and I w-was… I was-" Maria reached her hands out and hugged him tightly, irritating his numerous wounds, but he put up with it. He knew how she felt.

"We're fine, I'm-we're glad you're okay too." Nothing more was said because nothing more was needed. An explosion and a horrific death cry was heard and the situation was put in perspective.

"Where is Neah? Is he even here yet?" Maria asked, rubbing her cheek absentmindedly. Cross decided it best not to mention that there was a good amount of blood on her face, most of it not hers he bet.

"I don't know, we're just trying to stay alive long enough to reach him. I've caught glimpse of a Noah every now and again but I haven't seen-" Maria stopped and sang, causing a rampaging Akuma to explode. She coughed, bringing a hand to her mouth to cover it; it came back dotted with red. Cross was instantly reminded of the first time he met Maria on the roof of the North American Branch. God, no matter how hard they tried it still seemed that they always remained back at square one.

"Oh shit Maria." She smiled a ghastly smile and he was horrified to see that her teeth were stained with blood. "Oh my God we need to get some help, you should-"

"It's all right Cross, it's worse than it looks. This happens every time I overexert myself. I'm a parasite remember? The Innocence tears at my throat and it bleeds a little, no big deal." She said, waving him off as she brought her hand to her mouth wiping away the blood.

"No big- Maria you are bleeding from your mouth, you are most certainly not okay. You need to come with us; we'll get you help and keep you safe. Are you even listening to me? Maria!" Cross shouted angrily.

Maria frowned, she was really touched by his concern but really, she was fine. It wasn't like she was any worse than all these other poor people. She suspected half of his worry stemmed from her almost fall earlier. She couldn't get his face out of her mind, that desperate painful expression he had as he gripped her hand, willing every part of his body to save her. It had been her own damn fault anyway but seeing him there, seeing him look so worried, she thinks she may be realizing for the first time the true strength of the bond the four of them shared.

Both he and Lizzy had saved her life almost at the cost of their own, she would not forget that and she will not let their love be in vain.

"Cross I'm fine. Just please just calm down and worry about yourself." The best thing she could do for him, for all of them, was to fade back into the crowd and fight her own battles. She was not nearly as quick and agile as they were, if she went with them, she would only slow them down which could cost them all their lives. She was doing enough saving all the people she could, being alone meant she had less protection with her defensive Innocence, but she couldn't- she wouldn't ask them to accompany her.

It was her way of saying thank you and giving them a chance to live. She placed her bruised hands on Cross's shoulder, fighting the sheer authority in his eyes that were demanding that she listen to him and come with them. That and she didn't need a boy almost seven years her junior telling her what to do. She leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. She was doing this for their own good and it wasn't like this was goodbye or anything. They would see each other again one way or another.

"You guys go; there are still a ton of wounded exorcists and noncombatants here that need help. You go on ahead and take care of those people; I'm still needed back here." He jerked away from her and just continued to glare at her, as if that was supposed to frighten her into submission. Goodness, did this boy know her at all?

"You can't! I'm not- we shouldn't have split up; it's too damn dangerous in here! I'm not arguing with you Maria, you are coming with us." _You can't protect every one Mari._ She thought bleakly, watching him grab her arm. _I know how much you try, but no matter what you do, some people just can't be saved._ She took a few steps forward and then jumped back out of his grasp.

"I'm sorry guys, you guys are better off without me! I'll see you soon, we still have the Millennium Earl to defeat, I can't die yet!" With that said, she ran back into the crowd, not thinking about the heavy heaving of her chest and thick pounding of blood in her ears. The coppery taste of blood in her mouth was getting stronger and she spit out a large quantity on the floor.

Her body really was starting to fall apart on her, but if she could just keep moving a little longer…

"Ex-or-cist! Prepare to die!" She turned and barely dodged the Akuma that raced toward her, but she was thrown off balance and tumbled to the ground. She gasped in pain as her old shoulder wound chose the wrong time to protest. She took a hitching breath as she tried to keep the world from spinning. She wouldn't fail headquarters like she had failed her own base. She had promised herself that.

Finding her feet again, she began to sing, her throat seized up and her eyes stung with the pain this caused her, but she sang anyway. She knew she wasn't all that experienced with Carte Garde yet but it was all she could do to keep herself and the others alive. She had to save people and this was the only way she could. It was hard and it hurt her throat and every part of her body like hell, but she kept singing anyways. The Akuma froze in front of her, shaking at the force of her voice and its struggle to free itself.

Something she cared not think about dribbled liberally down her chin and spotted the floor with dull splats. Her legs were shaking and she could barely breathe. She was pushing herself too hard; she understood that on every level. B-but she couldn't stop, not when everyone was depending on her.

_Innocence,_ she shouted in her head. _Lend me your strength; let me be strong enough to protect the people I love. Please let me be strong enough to save these them and be worthy of your power. _

A flash of light burst before her eyes. She couldn't tell if it was in her mind or not but her legs, which had previously on the verge of collapsing now felt powerful with a strength she hadn't know she'd had. Her lungs filled up and her song ceased its shaking tremor and burst forth with startling clarity.

_Oh God,_ she though as the Akuma in front of her exploded. _I think I can rule the world_. She stopped and the magical power which had kept her afloat thus far left her and she fell to her knees, vomiting up all the excess blood which had caught in her throat.

She hurt so fucking bad, but dammit that had felt good. Useful? She had been fucking awesome.

"Oh my word! Are you alright?" A pretty girl probably a year or two younger than Lizzy leaned down next to her setting a small soft hand on Maria's sweaty neck.

"Oh you're bleeding, you need help!" Maria was going to smile, but seeing Cross's reaction she could only imagine how bad it would look with all the blood on her teeth. Wiping away most of blood as she could with her palm, she grabbed the wall and, with the girl's help, managed to stand up. Kid was stronger than she looked.

"Are you… are you alright?" Maria asked the girl at about four different octaves. Maria gripped her throat in embarrassment. Jesus, it was like going through puberty all over again. The girl nodded and pushed her long dark blonde hair from her face.

"I should be asking you. There-there's so much blood!" the girl's face was stiff and pale and Maria actually thought she might faint. She instead closed her eyes and swallowed regaining her senses. "Y-you saved my life. I was… I was fighting that Akuma when I was hit hard and broke three of my fingers. I was in too much pain to bend the light. If you hadn't come along that Akuma would have-would have-" Maria smiled, making sure to keep her mouth closed, and patted the girl's hand.

"It's alright; you're okay now um-"

"Mellie, Mellie O'Hara, please, let me get you some help. I think there are some nurses down a level, let me take you there and-" Maria shook off the girl's touch gently.

"Thank you Mellie, but really, I'm fine. You've already done me the greatest favor by staying alive; I don't think I could stand to lose any more people. Now go on, the battle's not over yet and we're both needed elsewhere." Mellie nodded shakily, bringing Maria's bloody hand up to her mouth to place a light kiss on her knuckles. She looked so small and helpless there, but she had an inner strength in her wide blue eyes that Maria couldn't help but admire.

"Thank you, thank you for your kindness. Please be careful and help as many people as you can with your extraordinary gift." A shrill shout was heard and Mellie whipped her head around where another young girl was in trouble.

"Katie! Katie I'm coming!" without another word, Mellie's lithe form ran back into the crowd, her blonde hair waving behind her and bandaged hands preparing for battles ahead.

Maria leaned against the wall a few seconds more, watching Mellie fading form disappear into the crowd before she started moving again. She ached in places she didn't know she had places but she felt better now, stronger even. She had saved a life, all the times she had been too late or too slow were forgotten as she had for once had seen a life preserved.

She wasn't as gifted as Cross, as fast as Lizzy or as strong as Neah, but they were right, she had her own strength. She could protect people; she could be strong enough if for only one person.

Another scream and another exorcist on the ground, the fear of death radiating in their eyes. Maria sucked in as much air as her lungs could take, squared her feet and her shoulders and closed her eyes thinking of all the people she cared about and refused to let die.

She opened her eyes and she sang.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Neah pulled on the collar of his exorcist's coat. Was it him or was it hot in here?

He checked himself over in the mirror one last time, for all the world he looked like a perfect little exorcist: Nice and shiny black coat? Check. Glistening rose cross on left breast? Check. 'Oh shit I'm going to die' face? Check, complete with obvious second thoughts and dark bags under his eyes.

Oh yeah, he would blend right in.

He had the Ark open before him, all he needed to do was step through, walk the familiar path to the Black Order, open a gate there and… well, you see, that was where it got hard. He checked his watch, it was nine twelve. He could only imagine the uproar at headquarters; if he wanted to cause some chaos, now would be a really good time. But the problem was, he wasn't going there to rape, murder and pillage; he was hopefully going to be saving lives.

And the Earl was going to be massively pissed when he found out.

He looked around his room, not his _room_, but the place he'd more or less lived for the past five years. It wasn't anything special; in fact he had made sure that there was nothing of interest in this room. Everything that had meaning to him was in his secret piano room.

His bed, beautiful and made from the best materials represented so many agonizing sleepless nights taunted by bad dreams, fears and concerns and just everyday teenage confusion.

He'd gotten his best nights' sleeps in an exorcist's base, the various hotels he'd stayed in around the world with his friends, the couch in his piano room and, on one memorable occasion, a church pew.

His closet was filled with nice pressed suits, all probably very expensive, with several pairs of matching shoes, gloves and nice white collared shirts that were stiff to the touch.

He was actually fine with his black coat. The rest of the time nice pants and a collared shirt had suited him. Plus the many occasions he'd found himself without clothes, but that was for another time.

The dresser was filled with pictures and other odds and ends. Other than one small picture of Mana, the rest of them were of the Noah and the Earl all smiling and beaming proudly over their supposed greatness.

Neah had an endless collection of memorabilia from his experiences with friends. Whenever he was glum he would enter his secret room and stare at the frozen smiles of his friends and silly souvenirs he'd saved over the years. He took a quick glance around to make sure that no one was around to see him kiss a stolen lock of Lizzy's hair before he tucked it back inside his watch.

He shrugged and entered the Ark not really sad to leave this room behind once and for all. _What_, he asked himself, _did it have that he couldn't find elsewhere?_ A bed, a closet full of clothes and a dresser? He could get those anywhere. But peace of mind, a handful of amazing friends and cherished memories could never be salvaged if lost. He would protect the things he loved the most. And everything else would fall into place.

He thought a little about what he was going to do. He wasn't going to back out now, in fact, he harbored no feelings of guilt over the cruel treachery he was about to enact. He found he couldn't muster any sympathy for an evil murdering bastard and his demonic children.

Each step seemed a little easier as he walked towards the gate that would lead him to the science section. Hadn't he been preparing for this since he'd first grasped Lizzy and Cross's hands in Derry? Since Maria had first hugged him? Since he'd left and re-joined his friends? Yeah, while he may not have been ready five years ago, one year ago, even one day ago, he felt he could do this now. He could finally cast aside the false persona he'd worn shamefully for years. He might die, but he would die being himself and doing something he believed in.

The gate was suddenly before him. Mana was ready to go at the drop of a hat, the guys would meet up with him after they protected headquarters and the Earl and his Noah would remain blissfully unaware of his treachery until it was too late.

There was nothing else keeping him here in Edo. He opened the gate and stepped inside. _Please be okay,_ he thought allowing his panic to show for once. _Please don't be dead. _A violent explosion on the side of headquarters caused him to spill out of the Ark dramatically. He rubbed his head and got to knees. Neah wasn't sure what he was expecting at headquarters, logically he knew there were exorcists and Akuma here b-but… This was hell; there was simply no other word to describe it.

He stood shakily to his feet, only by chance dodging a stream of Akuma bullets. Or maybe not. _The Earl is watching me,_ he thought as one Akuma looked at him and titled its head before lowering its guns and moving on. _All eyes are on me, hell, this is worse than that one concert when I was nine._

There was blood _everywhere_.

Bodies and charred parts of Akuma littered the floor. It was smoky and he could barely breathe in here through the haze and death. He staggered forward. He had to-had to find them. They couldn't be dead could they? That got him moving. He stumbled into the fray taking in all the horrific scenes around him. All these people were dying. He had to help them; he had to do something, anything.

'_What about the Earl?' his Inner Noah hissed._

_What about the fucking Earl?_ Neah retorted back with a snarl. He was done with the Earl. He was a goddamned exorcist now.

He caught sight of red and blonde and was instantly down on his knees helping the wounded exorcist.

"Are you alright, where are you hurt?" He pushed aside some of the bloody bangs and he realized with a start that it was Klaud. She was stripped down to her under shirt covered in her own blood. She was hunched over with her hand shakily over her eyes; he could see the blood pouring between her fingers.

"Ne-Neah? I-Is t-t-that you?" She asked, reaching her other hand up to grasp shakily for his shoulder. The monkey, whose name he could never seem to remember, tittered anxiously around her feet. A parasitic animal, he remembered, and without its Master to control him, they were completely defenseless.

"Klaud, it's going to be okay, just calm down. Where are you hurt?" He asked again, delicately reaching up to prod her fingers so that he could see the extent of the wound. She hissed and pulled back.

"A-acid, on-on my face. I'm-I'm pretty sure I'm not-not b-blind but I st-still can't see." He frowned, acid was sure to leave a nasty mark and even if she was able to regain her sight, it was a shame to have such a pretty face disfigured.

"Master Neah?" he hunched over Klaud giving her as much protection from the Akuma as he could. "What are you doing?" Neah shut his eyes and prayed Klaud hadn't heard it speak his name.

They weren't doing anyone any favors by staying here, they needed to keep moving, he had to find the guys. He grabbed her hand and ran as fast as Klaud could keep up with him. He almost smirked to imagine the stunned look on the Akuma's face as they ran away. Only the sobering thought of the wounded girl kept him focused.

"Ne-Neah where are-where are we going?" She asked gripping his hand tightly while her other continued to cover her eyes. He squinted and worked hard to avoid any obstacles that would trip the blinded girl, he was completely leading her.

"Anywhere safe." The monkey leaped up and settled on his shoulder due to its concern about further harming its Master. Klaud laughed bitterly.

"Have you looked around Neah, there is nowhere safe anymore." Neah grit his teeth as they continued making their way forward, he refused to believe that. He skidded to a halt trying to round a corner, but he went a little too fast and Klaud was a little too blind and they ended up in the wall. Klaud was gasping from pain and lack of oxygen.

"Traitor!" The sound stopped his heart for a second and he turned, placing his body in front of the scared and shaking exorcist. She fumbled blindly for his coat.

"Neah what's-what's going-" he put a light finger to her lips causing her to stop. Five or so Akuma had surrounded them abandoning their previous exorcist targets to form a semi-circle around them. He'd always kind of wondered what it would be like to be on the other side of an Akuma. Well, he guessed it was true what they said about curiosity and that damned cat.

"I don't know what you're-"

"You're a goddamn traitor! You're helping the exorcists!" one hissed stepping forward.

"Neah?" Klaud questioned fearfully, burrowing further into his coat. He shushed her as gently as he could, meanwhile the Akuma were preparing to attack.

"You're dead you traitor! I will bring back the filthy Noah's head on a platter to present before my Lord the Millennium Earl." One declared proudly, readying itself for attack.

"No, I will!" Neah needed a plan right now. He was already ousted so that severely limited his options. He wondered how quickly the Earl would respond, maybe he would delay…

"Self-destruct." Neah said quickly, if he was going to do this he had better do it now before the Earl came to his senses and cut him off, if he hadn't already. They froze.

"I order you all to self-destruct right this second." He held Klaud tightly against the wall as one by one the Akuma exploded. He pulled back and looked around. A few of the exorcists stumbled to their feet and made their way over to the ones who hadn't. The hallway had mostly been cleared of Akuma thanks to him, but Neah was certain he wouldn't be able to rely on that trick much longer.

He caught sight of a red cross.

No, not the one he had been looking for, but still the sight was welcome.

"Nurse, I have an injured exorcist here! Please help!" He said, gripping Klaud's shoulder and practically dragging her over to a few huddling nurses. He laid her down gently, but she still clung to him.

"Neah, how did… how did you- what was-" she gasped harshly as one weary looking nurse placed a cool cloth on her head. He patted her hand.

"I'll tell you what, we both get out of this alive and I promise that I will take you to a bar and tell you everything." Despite the futility of the effort on her blinded eyes, he smiled. It felt nice for what was turning out to be an awful day. "I'll even buy." She returned with a limp, stretched and pain filled smile, but it was there none the less.

"It's-it's a d-date." He stood up quickly and rolled his shoulders, he still had a lot of Akuma to destroy and a lot of Order to cover before he found his friends. He needed to leave.

"Neah! Neah wait!" Klaud gasped reaching out for him in the wrong direction "You're looking for Lizzy and Cross right?" he nodded and then remember she was blinded and replied yes.

"I saw-I saw them near General Devdas's office, one floor down n-near where the exorcist's ball is usually held. Do you know where that is? They should still-still be there, th-there were a lot of Akuma there l-last I saw. G-go get them and-and t-try not to get lost on the way." He squeezed her hand and she returned it gently as the nurse attended to her.

"Thank you Klaud, thank you so much." A kiss on her hand and he was gone.

He was going to be an Akuma magnet anyway, sticking around one place to long won't improve the survivability of anyone. He entered another hallway filled to the brim with Akuma. They all turned simultaneously, sensing his Noah presence. Some were struck down due to their distraction while others charged him. He grit his teeth and ran forward. Every Akuma he looked in the eyes, he ordered it to self-destruct. The hall was littered with exploding Akuma parts and he closed his ears against the sound.

_They're not- they're not being saved, _he thought sadly. _By not purifying their souls with Innocence, I'm not saving them. _But he didn't-he just couldn't afford to worry about that right now. They were killing exorcists and as much as it pained him, he had to destroy them if he wanted to save people. Wasn't that why he was here? To save people? So he went down the line, one Akuma after another self-destructing and destroying all those human souls for all of eternity. He shut his eyes, _God please forgive me._

"Traaaaaaitooooor." He was pushed into a wall so hard he felt both his shoulder blades crack. He barely had time to register the injury before they were almost healed. The pain lingered a little longer. An insanely large Akuma, it had to be a level three, glared down at him with beady red eyes. "Traaaaaitooooor" it repeated. Neah squirmed in its larger fist, but it only squeezed harder.

"Se-self- de-des-tru-uc-" Neah wheezed out harshly as all the air left his lungs leaving him unable to speak. Shit, if he couldn't talk, he couldn't kill the damn thing. It shook its head slowly.

"Master Neah is a traitor; don't need to listen to you no more." It drolled sluggishly. Neah rasped rapidly feeling the full effects of the lack of oxygen. This was really, really bad.

Neah ducked back as a long, thin sword cut through the Akuma's abdomen missing him by centimeters. "Ouch" it uttered listlessly, pulling back to deal with the bothersome exorcist "Go away, I'm busy." The poor exorcist probably never saw the hit coming, but he might have seen the wall before he smacked into it with a dull crack.

Neah winced, that guy wouldn't be walking again anytime soon or breathing for that matter.

If anything good had come of the brave exorcist's attempts, it had been that the giant Akuma had loosened his grip on Neah enough so that he could gasp for enough air to talk. "Self-destruct, self-destruct you son of a bitch!" It languidly turned its head back to Neah and squeezed hard again, still in one piece and still not exploding.

"Didn't you hear? I don't need to listen you anymore Master Neah. The Earl says you're a traaaaaitooooor." It leaned forward and Neah could almost imagine it was smiling." And I know what to do with traaaaitoooors."

Neah gulped. So he'd finally been cut off, other than the Ark, he'd lost use of all his Noah authority and even that would probably be gone soon. He'd lost all the prestige he had as a Noah. That and the Earl and Noah were now sure to be gunning for him.

Or they would be if he survived this encounter, which was getting more unlikely by the second.

He pursed his lips as the Akuma continued to crush the life out of him. He was still a Noah goddammit, the Earl could take away his ability to destroy Akuma, but he couldn't take away natural born strength. Using a power Neah didn't know he possessed, he slowly opened the Akuma's claws. It looked confused for a minute and then squeezed harder. Neah rasped and strained his body to its limits.

Once he had gotten one arm free, he shot it forward into the Akuma's chest, in the exact hole where the exorcist had pierced its shell. Its hand shook causing the grip to loosen and Neah plunged his arm deeper into the Akuma's abdominal region. Akuma blood poured out onto the floor and all over Neah, he spit some out sordidly and made a note not to touch anyone until he could wash off.

He smirked as he finally found what he was looking for.

He wrapped his much smaller hand around the Akuma's central core, the thing that powered the demon and kept the soul attached to this world. But before that he stared into the creature's widening and wild eyes. He leaned forward and looked right into it mustering all the hate he could.

"You're done; do you hear me my Lord? I will not let you kill any more people and I will make damn sure you do not come back. You were right about one thing, my Lord, whichever way it goes it will end soon. Now you just know where I stand, where I've always stood." A simple clench of his fist was all it took. It exploded less than two meters from him and Neah was blown back feeling the shards imbed themselves in his body. He sat there for a moment on the floor, covered completely in Akuma blood, breathless with pain as he slowly pulled out the biggest pieces before his flesh healed over it.

He needed… he needed to find the guys. They had to get out of here. He had barely gotten to his feet when he was pushed back down again, _Oh God not another Akuma,_ he thought. But it wasn't an Akuma. It was far worse.

It was Bookman Junior, looking sweaty, bloody and really, really pissed off. While one foot held Neah down, the other wiped the excess fluid from his face. Neah hadn't seen him around much, but Cross and Lizzy had talked of him in a most unfavorable light. What the hell was he doing here and, more importantly, why was he bothering Neah?

"Noah," he whispered harshly. "You work for the Millennium Earl." Neah flinched at the chilliness of the words, had the old man really-

"Don't look so damn surprised. It was all written down in the old man's records. Senile moron thought just because he told me not to read them that I would obey him." He scoffed heartily, kicking the ground a little as he did, causing to Neah to wonder just how much the battle had shaken the apathetic kid. Neah held up his hands in surrender. He could easily take this kid down, but he really didn't want to hurt him if he didn't have to. But dammit, he did not have time for this.

"Alright, I give, I'm a Noah. But I don't work for the Earl, not anymore; I'm on your side." Neah grinned, putting on his sweetest face. The young Bookman laughed. He stumbled back away from Neah laughing hysterically and slapping his knee. Neah decided it would be best to remain on the ground for now.

"My side?" Oh that's-that's good." He choked out between laughs after a moment he calmed himself enough to address Neah properly. "I don't have a fucking side, in fact, the earth would probably benefit from the Earl's rule." He sneered in a most unpleasant fashion.

"No more stupid, arrogant people to march around and destroy the planet for the sake of some castle, no more filthy meandering societies squandering its resources to fuel their greedy gluttonous pockets, no more wars fought over petty problems which destroy generations and desecrate our landscape. So tell me why the fuck would I ever support the race of people who have done nothing but cause anguish and misery onto itself? Give me one goddamned good reason." The kid said whirling around and pressing his boot hard into Neah's shoulder.

"You tell me why there is all this war and why the world under the Millennium Earl wouldn't be better. He can't do anything worse than these humans haven't already done." Neah squirmed under the kid's boot and not-quite-all-there scowl.

"Because… because humans aren't perfect. We've known that from the beginning and that's why-that's why we have to live so we can get better. We have to keep walking forward into our future so that we can learn from our mistakes and better ourselves as individuals and as a race." The kid scoffed, digging his boot deeper into his shoulder, causing Neah to wince. It just _had_ to be the bad shoulder.

"Well isn't that nice, aren't you just a fucking ray of sunshine. You're a goddamn disgrace is what you are. You could've had the fucking world and you're throwing your life away to protect soulless vermin?" he spat hatefully with a menace Neah hadn't thought a human could possess.

"Hopefully before the Earl bashes your fucking lovey brains in you'll realize that you have just placed all your bets on the wrong fucking horse and that you just screwed yourself in this life and the next." Neah looked around. The hall was empty, it had mostly vacated after all the Akuma had been destroyed, but there had still been a few stragglers looking to catch their breath a moment ago. What happened to them? An alarm went off somewhere in his head.

"Kid um Bookman, I think we should go, it's dangerous here." He said feeling his heart speed up as he anticipated the danger he couldn't see or hear, but he could feel. The kid laughed again.

"Dangerous? This whole goddamn castle, no this whole fucking planet is dangerous. Why the fuck is this spot any more unsafe than anywhere else on this godforsaken rock?"

"Excuse me human, but I'm afraid I need to speak to my brother." It all happened so fast. One minute the crazy Bookman kid was ranting and raving over him and in the next moment he was lying in pieces on the ground. Neah felt his chest lurch and he had to prevent himself from vomiting at the sight of the once living body slowly trying to come to grips with its own mortality.

Jesus God, his fingers were still _twitching_.

Analyse stood over the corpse looking down at him with a surprisingly impassive face. One by one, she licked her fingers, letting the boy's blood stain her full lips a dirty maroon color.

"You always were so squeamish Neah. You could never be one of us with such a sensitive stomach now could you?" She stepped over the bloody corpse and hovered over him, her shadow hiding everything except her hateful, golden eyes.

"And that's the real issue here isn't it? Sensitivity? Your love for humans and your human compassion have degraded your Inner Noah." He backed up further into the wall. He had nowhere to go, he was trapped. Akuma he could destroy, humans he could brush off, but a Noah, a fully awakened pissed off Noah? Now that was going to be a little harder.

* * *

_The ice age is coming, the sun's zooming in_

_Meltdown expected, the wheat is growing thin_

_Engines stop running, but I have no fear_

_'Cause London is drowning, and I live by the river ~ The Clash_

* * *

You know, throughout this story, I think this may be my first and only cliffhanger. I'm such a bad writer, no sense of tension. Anyway, yey battles, yey angst, yey for a crapload of people going onto their eternal reward. Things are now at the peak and pretty much won't slow down until the last chapter. No more annoying chapters in which I beat around the bush or (gasp) develop characters. Now it's just raw violence and emotion. As stated above, I'd rather not change the rating of this story to M for the last few chapters which are fairly gory, so I'll just put a gore warning at the top of any chapter that have blood and violence. Is that okay? No real comments on this as it mostly speaks for itself. (Shivers) Analyse, what a scary, scary girl. I would stick around for the next chapter to see an awesome Noah fight. I'm not really good with fight scenes, but I was quite proud of it. Oh and please bring a band aid for poor Neah, he's gonna need it. Ouchers

Neah vs. Analyse coming to a computer near you on July the 17th. Pm ilikedan for more details and reviews are loved, but not required.

_London Calling_ (c) The Clash (Holy crap, this time next week, I'll have seen Roger Waters perform The Wall. I still may be in a state of shock then so please be gentle with me. One only has their mind blown a few times in their lifetime)


	20. Blackbird

_Disclaimer: I do not own any part of D. Gray-man nor any of its characters. I can only close my eyes and quietly play dress up with said characters in my head and hope I'm not desecrating Hoshino Katsura's work too much._

For those of you who care, Author's Notes will be at the end of every chapter and any and all questions will be gleefully answered if asked.

**NOTE: This chapter contains blood and death.**

* * *

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night_

_Take these broken wings and learn to fly_

_All your life_

_You were only waiting for this moment to arise._

* * *

Mana had taught him a lot of interesting and useful things in his, along with a lot of skills he had never used in his life (chief among them being unicycling). But for all the insightful wisdom his elder brother had given him, fighting had not been one of them. As Neah stared up at Analyse's grey face, he now seriously regretted this exclusion from his education. He had always relied on his parents and Mana and, later, his innate Noah strength to protect him from harm.

"You could have done great things Neah." Analyse said almost sadly, bending over and letting her tied up hair fall over her shoulder and into his face. "Now you've left me no choice but to kill you."

A twitch of his head and he avoided Analyse's hand as it sliced through the wall where he had just been not a second before. Bringing one of his legs up, he called all his strength and kicked her feet out from under her in a shakily executed roundhouse. It wasn't much but, it gave him enough time to stumble to his feet and make the odds a little better. She got to her feet and snarled at him.

Well, not really.

He weakly held up his hands as if he even had a chance of surrendering. He didn't kill people and thus he didn't have the moves or the instincts the other Noah did. He looked around seeing if there was any chance he could escape. He knew better than anyone how durable a Noah could be and he honestly wasn't sure he could win this one. She seemed to notice his reluctance and charged at him with a dull anger leaking into her eyes. Coming from Analyse, it was a little surprising.

She must have felt betrayed. She was angry at what he had done to the Earl and to the Noah name. And she would make him pay for it all. A duck here, a block there, his breath thudded in his chest as he barely avoided all of her hits. He couldn't keep this up forever; he had to move to the offensive if he even wanted a chance. He shot a hand out in an attempt at a punch but pulled back when it was clear that she would not give him his arm back should he send it her way. He wanted to moan, what a disappointment he was as a Noah and as a man. He was going to die here before the real battle had even begun.

"Why are you doing this?" She shouted suddenly, in a rare burst of emotion. She spun into a kick which he avoided by bending backwards until his palms hit the floor. He winced as the pain flashed before his eyes, _note to self; spines should not bend that way_. He used his momentum to finish his descent. He lowered himself into a back handspring and almost succeeded in smacking her in the face with his foot.

As he righted himself, he and Analyse were separated by about six meters as they stared each other down. He was panting at the sudden exertion while she held herself so tensely; her body shook a little from the strain. Neah tentatively rolled his shoulders, trying to loosen them up and look at least a little prepared. He knew he would have to face the Noah eventually, he just wished he'd thought of a better plan then 'deal with it when it comes.'

Analyse pushed an out of place hair from her face as her golden eyes bore holes in his head. Her posture looked off, as he studied her more, he realized that she was angry. Really angry. She was letting her emotions get the best of her in this fight, enough so that it was affecting her skills. Now that he thought about it, her previous attacks had been senseless and wasteful as she furiously tried to strike him so different from her usual calm, coordinated strategy.

It was probably the only reason he was still alive.

"Why did you leave us Neah?" she shouted, even though the distance wasn't that great between them. "Why would you choose the fucking exorcists over us?" She breathed deeply and struggled to control her rage to no avail. To put Analyse, always calm and composed, into such a state, he must have really hurt her.

And he supposes he did.

The Noah bond was an unusually strong one; it had kept the twelve members of the Noah family bound together to the Earl for generations. They were connected by a bond that went deeper than blood and right into the soul. And Neah had disrupted that cycle with his treachery. Neah frowned and strangled his guilt before it got him killed. But he wasn't a part of the twelve apostles that fought with the Earl seven thousand years ago. He had his own destiny to follow.

"Because these humans, these exorcists, have more heart than all you goddamn people have had in all your reincarnations. The way I see it, I'm not the traitor here, you and the rest of the Noah are the ones who betrayed humanity." She sneered as she lowered herself into a much more precise stance. Shit, now she was getting serious.

"And why should I waste my time on humanity? What did they ever do for me?" She spat. "My Lord, the man who so generously saved you from your pathetic, meaningless existence, will eradicate those precious humans you love so damn much." She charged forward and for once he stood his ground, bringing his left arm up to catch her wrist while the other snapped under her chin. He glared at her with an unfamiliar anger as she struggled out of his grasp. He gripped her wrist tighter and he felt the bones yield under his grip. Who did this bitch she think she was?

"Your Lord is a lying, murdering son of a bitch with dreams of grandeur he can't even comprehend. What will you do when the end of the world has come? When everything is destroyed, what will you have left?" he stepped forward and pushed her down to the floor with unnecessary force. She didn't have time to think of standing up before he placed a foot on her sternum, keeping her firmly grounded as he hovered above her.

"You think you're so goddamn special? You think you and the other Noah are that much fucking better than everyone else? Well what did you do other than have the Noah genes awaken inside of you, other than kill and maim and slaughter, what have you done to deserve _anything_?" He shouted as he let the last few years of rage and misery empower his muscles. The thin bone snapped under his pressure and despite the massive amount of pain she must have felt, she used the air space caused by the break to roll from under his grip. She had barely rolled up from under him when she was on her feet and charging him again. She said nothing as she swung a hefty punch which he blocked with his forearm.

"Good." She said evenly, kicking her leg high enough so that her dress fluttered, giving him a fairly good view of the tight shorts she wore underneath. He fought the blush off of his face and jumped back just in time before she used his distraction against him. "I was hoping you would put up more of a fight, I want to tell the Earl of my great achievement killing the traitor and the story just isn't as entertaining if you don't fight back." She replied condescendingly as she avoided an immaculate axe kick from him.

He growled and launched into another attack by rushing her with intense speed, she side-stepped him and reached for his throat. He brought his arm up to block her assault while he brought his knee up where it dug in under her ribcage. She gasped as the air left her lungs and then, after a few long moments had passed and he realized with horror what he had just done, she smiled.

"You left yourself wide open" she said sweetly and he shook with sudden intense pain as her free arm transformed into sword and stabbed him through his side until he felt the blade come out of his back. He doubled over in indescribable agony and tried to back out of the sword, but with her other hand; she gripped his damp hair holding him firmly in place.

They were close, so close his head was leaning against her shoulder and one of her free curls bounced against his nose as if mocking him for his idiocy. She turned her head so her mouth was right next to his ear, her hot breath sending chills down his spine.

"Such a foolish little boy. Did you really think you could go against us? That you could destroy the Earl of Millennium? Don't you worry, it will all be over soon." the sword was plunged further into him and all he could do was moan. "Maybe your next reincarnation will be a little smarter than you were. Though I really am grateful, this was a good painless lesson. Maybe now my Lord won't be so trusting with young impetuous Noah. Thank you Neah Walker for assuring our victory." He tried to think through the pain, but thinking was getting harder by the second.

One shaky hand reached up to grasp the point where her arm turned into a sword. It took a lot of effort just to keep his grip and he concentrated, knowing it meant the difference between life and death. She tittered contemptuously at his actions and leaned her lips against his ear.

"I could've given you the world Neah pet; maybe next time if you behave I'll show you what a real Noah can do-oo-oo-oo." She gasped with surprise at the sudden pain and instinctively loosened her hold on his neck allowing him to get away from her deadly blade. The sword itself may have been unbreakable, but the arm before that was still mostly human and subject to human breaks and pains. The sword, still covered with his warm blood, reverted back to normal as she snapped the fragmented pieces of her arm back into place.

Before he could think anymore, he rushed her again.

That was Analyse's game, to step back and allow your opponent to slip up before you make your move. He wanted to kick himself for being such an idiot to have forgotten that. A side kick barely missed her head as she dropped into a crouch, ready to pounce on him from below, just what he had expected her to. He'd spent three years observing these sons of bitches; he knew how to play them and how to tear them down.

_If he just calmed down and thought logically…_ He thought as a perfectly timed kick she couldn't dodge rammed her lower jaw up into her skull, shattering it badly. _He could beat her._

The force of the kick knocked her off of her feet and onto her back. She spat out a few teeth and was halfway up before he smacked her down again. There was an imprint on the floor from the force with which he slammed her into the ground. He held his foot down hard onto her neck to ensure that she would stay down there this time. As her jaw reformed, he felt his anger grow once more.

No it wasn't anger, it was indignation.

As she squirmed on the floor under his grasp, he thought what a sad, pathetic little creature she was, what all the Noah were. Blindly following the Earl with no real resolve, no love for anything but themselves, just insatiably driven by the forces compelling their blood.

In a way, Neah almost felt sorry for them, they hadn't chosen to become Noah and he knew their bloodlust stemmed mostly from their genes. It overwhelmed any sense of humanity they'd once had and twisted their souls into something perverted and ugly. But another more dominant part of brain couldn't forget all the people they'd killed, all the towns they'd destroyed, all the times they could've done something good and had just laughed in its face. They were pitiful and they weren't here by choice, but they still gleefully enacted the Earl's law. They deserved nothing as humane as sympathy.

He thought of the General and he thought of the Bookman and the rest was easy. Her body was quickly healing from all the abuse he had given her though it was not nearly enough to keep her down. She would heal eventually and be ready to fight soon. Not that he would give her enough time for that. He bent down to her level, she breathed hard as she struggled on the floor, unable to move whatsoever.

He took a moment to lovingly brush the hair out of her eyes so she could take a good long look at him. To look at the boy she had ridiculed and intimidated for so many long years, to look at the boy she had thought she could control.

"I'm going to destroy every single one of you and when I'm done, I am going to permanently remove your Master from his throne and bring peace back to this world. I'm afraid your part in this little drama has ended. Better luck next time." He said blankly. He raised his arm so to penetrate her chest and he saw her eyes widen in impending fear, probably the first time she'd ever felt such a demeaning human emotion.

"Don't you worry." He said with the barest hint of a smile. "It will all be over soon." With nothing more left to say, he plunged his hand into her chest and grabbed her heart, feeling the fragile tissue dying between his fingers. Blood foamed around her mouth as he ripped the life-giving organ from her body. Her hand shot up in a last ditch effort and twitched along his cheek before falling limply by her side. He tosses the dead heart aside with a carelessness that was downright frightening. With all the concern of a man out for a stroll along the Thames, he dismembered her to the point where nothing, not even her Inner Noah could have brought her back from death at this point. You couldn't regenerate if there was nothing there to regenerate from.

As he stood up surveying his work he felt something wet drip down his face. He frowned and brought a bloody hand up to his face. Tears? He was…crying? Why on earth was he crying, he wasn't-he wasn't _saddened_ by her death, was he? He had hated her, had personally hated her more than any of the other Noah, so why was he crying over her death? He brought his arm up to wipe away the tears as he couldn't stand to look at his blood covered hands.

_She was human,_ he thought to himself, coming down from his cloud of indifference. A_nd I _**killed **_her_.

He hands started shaking and he roughly wiped them on his pants, trying to erase the warm rivulets of blood flowing down his fingers. Somewhere along the way, he started hyperventilating. _Oh my God I killed someone. What have I done? How could I- I can't believe I- _he fell to his knees and allowed himself to weep openly not for the death of the Noah, but for the loss of a young girl from Munich, Germany whom he had never gotten a chance to know.

After a few minutes, he tried to wipe away the tears that just kept flowing. He frowned, so it wasn't just him, Noah was lamenting the death of his sibling too which meant that everyone else probably knew about her-Analyse's-passing as well. He would just have to deal with the tears at the moment, right now he had other things to worry about, like Lizzy, Cross and Maria.

Klaud had only mentioned Lizzy and Cross were together, but what about Maria? She was here too. He wondered where she was, had she gotten separated from the others? He frowned, Maria was strong and determined, but he didn't like the idea of her fighting in this chaos alone. He hoped they were okay. This section was mostly clear thanks to his crazy bouts of Akuma self-destruction so he would head down to where Klaud had last seen Cross and Lizzy; it was as good a place as any to look for them. But first… He hovered over the dismembered remains of his sister, bound to him through blood and soul.

Not sure what else to do, he made the sign of the cross and said a brief prayer.

"An-Analyse Himmler, even though you were an evil, murdering bitch, you were still human and you deserve a proper burial. Unfortunately, I can't even give you that right now. All I can do is wish you happiness wherever you're going now and maybe when you reincarnate again, you'll be a little nicer. Maybe then you'll be able to see why I felt the need to-to kill you. Why I believed in the humans enough to warrant your murder." It was probably wasn't good to start a eulogy by calling the deceased an 'evil, murdering bitch,' but it was the best he could do.

He never knew if God listened to him, but Neah prayed anyway, prayed for him to guide a tainted, wayward soul and maybe direct her onto the right path in the next life. His tears dripped onto her body as he finished. It was time for him to go. He turned and ran down the hallway that he believed would lead him to his friends and tried to push Analyse's dying face from his mind. He only wished he'd had a candle to light.

Something told him she would have a hard time finding heaven on her own.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Cross had no idea what was going on with the Akuma, but whatever it was, he was pretty damn sure it was Neah's fault. He let a grin slide onto his face; this had to be the first time he was delighted at his friend's ability to cause a commotion wherever he went. The Akuma were going crazy. They had lost all interest in killing exorcists to focus on the manic messages they were receiving from the Earl and Noah. He couldn't exactly hear what was being said, but the cries of 'Neah' and 'traitor' pretty much cemented the idea that the Earl's camp was in an uproar over the betrayal of one of their own.

It seemed that none of them could believe a Noah was capable of such a thing.

Well whatever, it had given the exorcists the advantage they had so desperately needed. He felt the air lighten as the tide began to turn a little more in their favor. The Akuma were distracted and disbelieving while the rest of the Noah had all disappeared to find their defector. _Neah was a pretty tough guy, _he reminded himself as he tried to shake off his worry for his friend's safety. _He'll be just fine, don't you worry. _But still, Neah was only one Noah, up against twelve others plus the Earl and all of his Akuma… Cross wasn't completely convinced Neah would be able to handle all of that.

He shook his head, he couldn't stand here worrying about a friend who may or may not be in danger. He had his own problems to worry about right here. Lizzy was looking worse by the second. She was exhausted and he wasn't sure how much longer she could keep running like this. He was tired too and he could still feel the strain in his back and shoulders from when he'd pulled Maria up. He sneered, shooting down a panicking Akuma. And where the hell had she gone off to anyways? Once he found her and thanked God she was alive, he was going to tear her a new one for running off on her own like that.

He'd overheard an exorcist with a radio say that the floors above him had been mostly recovered and the Akuma were concentrated down here in the lower levels. They were winning, for now at least so he made sure not to get too cocky. A heluva lot could happen between now and the day's end. Three more shots and three more Akuma went down. What were they going to do once they took back headquarters? The Noah and the Earl had just been betrayed by one of their own, this confusion would only last so long before they reorganized and came back twice as hard.

Let's hope this all came to an end before it came to that.

"C-Cross, I need to… need to-" Lizzy huffed, leaning against a wall. Cross nodded and stood alongside her, decimating all the Akuma within range. Other exorcists were gleefully killing as many Akuma as they could, unaware that the source of their good fortune was one of the Earl's own disciples. He turned to her and tried to wipe off the pinched look of frustration that felt permanently glued to his face. He put a reassuring hand on her shoulder, which probably wasn't all that reassuring as it just further bloodied her torn coat.

"Lizzy, I know you're tired, but we've really got to keep moving. We know Neah's here and needs our help and I-I'm worried about Maria." There he said it; Lizzy just continued to gasp for air but nodded in acknowledgement. After another moment, she brought a shaky hand to grip his own before abandoning the wall for his shoulder. They staggered forward slowly, but they were moving. They really couldn't afford to move this slowly at this stage in the game, but for her sake, he'd put up with it for a few minutes.

"I know how you feel and I'm worried too. Why don't-why don't you leave me here and go find them? I just can't run like that right now, you go on and I'll catch up with you later." He tightened his grip on her hand, filled the sudden knowledge that if he let her out of his sight for more than a second, he would surely never see her again. No, even if he had to carry her, he would not leave her alone. She smirked as if reading his thoughts.

"Alright, alright, I understand. We really should stick together, though I want to find Neah and Maria as quickly as possible, it's pretty dangerous in here without someone watching your back." He nodded and slipped his arm around her shoulder to steady her. She only protested a little before submitting to his assistance. God, she was worse off than he had previously thought. He risked a quick peck on her temple.

"It's going to be okay Liz. All we have to do is find Maria and Neah and things will be alright. Don't worry." He said, dragging her along. "Just think Lizzy, of what we'll do after the war. Maria will be complaining loudly as she finds the largest, most alcoholic beverage she can, to which she will drink until she passes out." Lizzy smiled and stood up a little straighter as she looked on ahead past the ruined halls to the bright future they were workign toward.

"Yeah, and we'll probably have to carry her to bed again. Neah will be staying with us of course after Edo falls and he'll probably have to bring Mana with him. And you know the two of them; they'll sit around swapping stories of their time on the road hours after everyone stops listening. Neah'll probably drown himself in alcohol with Maria and then get depressed that he couldn't get drunk with her." Cross smiled. True, all too true.

"And what will you do Cross, after all of this is over? Tell me what's the first thing you'll do?" That wasn't hard.

"The first thing I would do would be to give each of you a kiss, yes even that goddamned Noah, after which I would find a nice patch of dirt and pass out until I felt ready to face a reality where I didn't have to feel nervous every time I enter a crowd. Hell, I'll probably get drunk with the others too; I think I'll leave Neah alone in his sobriety this time. I'll need a good stiff drink or nine once this is over." They staggered around a corner where a small number of Akuma were being dealt with by a General. They kept moving, trying to find a place they were needed. "And you?" She thought for a minute.

"I don't know, I might cry a little, just because I could and then I'll probably join you on the dirt for a nice, long nap. I can still remember that awful headache after our last party, so I think I'll just sit back and watch you and Maria drink yourselves into oblivion. Neah wouldn't like to be alone after all of this is done with. It will be nice, just to sit there with all of us together. I can't wait, oh God I can't wait for this all to be over." She sniffled a little.

"Yeah, I can't either, but we got to get through this first and that means we have to find Maria and Neah. There are no Akuma on the upper levels, so they have to be below us. If we just keep making our way down, we'll be sure run into them eventually." Not his best plan, but hey, hadn't he been the one who had once said that plans only got in the way? He helped Lizzy get down the steps as things started looking up.

They were halfway down when the entire floor above them exploded. They fell down the rest of the stairs and he landed badly on his damaged shoulder. Lizzy staggered to her feet and started back up the stairs. Cross covered his mouth at the smoky smell of burnt flesh and grabbed the back of Lizzy's coat with his other hand. She struggled against him weakly and looked back at him with tears in her eyes. Jesus what he would give to alleviate the pain her tender heart caused her.

"Let me go! General Conrad and the others-"

"-Are dead, come on Lizzy, we have to keep moving. The Akuma are beginning to reorganize and we need to find the others now." She didn't move and turned back up to look at the stairs where no signs of life could be heard. "Liz, come on, I'm sorry but there's nothing we can do here." She gasped tearfully as she reluctantly followed back him down the stairs. She covered her eyes with her hands and let him lead her forward.

"Why-why are we always too late? Why is it there is never anything we can do?" She asked quietly. He shook his head slowly and hugged onto her tightly as they made it down to the next level. He poked his head out of the stairwell and was more than a little unnerved to see how quiet it was. There were bodies lying around sure, but there was no fighting, no noise to be heard. It seemed that this little area of headquarters was like a single, horrid moment frozen in tepid agony. They walked forward cautiously with their guns drawn, you never know when something was going to explode on you.

"We have to keep moving, we just have to." He muttered half to himself as he scanned for something, anything, to shoot at. The noise, the bullets, that was an enemy he was prepared to handle. This-this was a stagnant and all-encompassing evil that made goosebumps appear all over his body.

"Keep moving forward, like Neah always- Cross what's that?" she stopped, pointing to a narrow hallway where all the lights had been cut. There were several large blots of blood staining the floor, but no bodies were anywhere to be seen. That certainly wasn't good. Cross unconsciously gripped Lizzy's arm tighter. They could keep moving, they could just ignore the disturbing feeling in the air and walk past it but… he angled his head to look down the hallway, but it was too dark to see anything. There could be someone down there who needed them. Maria or Neah could be down there.

"You stay here Lizzy, I'll go check it out and see what's down there. Don't move, I'll be right back." She furrowed her eyebrows in a familiar show of stubbornness and Cross resigned himself to the fact that she would be coming with him come hell or high water.

"You're the one who said it you idiot, we have to stick together. Now come on let's get this over with, this place gives me the creeps." That said, she stepped forward, leading him down into the dark and dismal hall. The Order's passageways were grim enough as it was, now completely entrenched in the shadows; it was downright frightening, especially when God knows what could be just around the corner.

"Where are we?" Lizzy whispered softly, running her hand along the wall for balance and identification. He pulled out the mental map in his head. Master's room was the floor above them -_the one that exploded, but don't think about that now_- so directly below that was…

"We should be getting near some of the training rooms; you know where we trained as junior exorcists." God how long had it been since he'd been down here? A month? A year? Three years? Lizzy loudly announced that they had reached the end of the corridor when her head connected with the far wall. Other than the suffocating darkness, there appeared to be no monsters lying in wait. Cross frowned, had this just been a wild goose chase? He supposed it was entirely possible that the lights had just gone out in this section…

"Cross, look, there's a light" Lizzy whispered. He squinted in the dark and the found that a few meters behind them was a tiny, muted little light coming from somewhere, presumably one of the doors that should be in this section. But the lights shouldn't be on all the way down here and that meant that someone else was here with them. Lizzy let go of him to hold up her pistols, ready to face whatever threat lay beyond these doors. Cross leaned his shoulder into the door and nudged it open with great effort.

The small light that had trickled from under the door had been deceiving; it was intensely bright it here. He resisted his natural urge to cover his eyes and merely tried to adjust his vision. His mouth twisted as he looked down. No wonder the door had been so difficult to open, there was a freshly ravaged body covering the lower half of the door. He stepped over it and finally he was able to see where his bad feeling had led him.

Jesus God.

"Maria!" Lizzy shouted suddenly, his eyes darted around and sure enough, Maria was down there in the dirt covered training area, a bunch of shivering kids behind her, with _IT_. Cross had seen and killed a lot of Akuma, but this one, this thing was beyond awful looking. He didn't even know how to describe it. It appeared an amalgam of every horrific creature ever conceived all wrapped up into one fearsome, ugly, terrifying demon of the Earl. And his friend was down there with It. The Akuma, if Cross could even call it that, looked up at their sudden entrance and Cross felt more than saw It smile and he suddenly was very, very afraid.

"Cross, Lizzy, you have to leave! This thing is-" Maria started before a tentacle whipped around hitting her square in the chest, causing her to smack back into the wall with an unpleasant thump. She fell to her knees causing the kids behind her to scream.

"Maria!" Lizzy shouted again, running down the steps without hesitation, her pistols blazing with a rampant fury. Cross cursed Lizzy's impulsiveness, but followed her none the less. The Akuma seemed only mildly bothered by their attacks and laughed something awful at their attempts. What the hell was this thing?

While he distracted It, Lizzy ran over to where Maria was. Even from here, he could see that his other friend was in very bad shape, God they had to get out of here. He pulled his attention away from the girls and turned back to the monster, he had to-had to find a- way… to-to… stop… It. They made eye contact and Cross felt very far away. The sound of his gun firing faded into the background as he stared into the creatures dark and malevolent eyes. How many years of death and pain had this thing caused? He shoulder jerked as an image flashed through his mind.

'_Why couldn't you help me Cross?'_

_Lizzy I-_

'_Why couldn't you save me?'_

_Lizzy! Don't leave Lizzy! Where a-_

"-re you doing? Move you son of a bitch!" he felt the breath leave him as he was tackled from the side and collided rather painfully with the ground. He breathed heavily and shakily put his arm under him so he could sit up. Oh fuck did his head hurt. "What were you-were you thinking!" Lizzy asked, panting on top of him. "Why did you stop shooting? You were almost-almost torn in half!" He blinked and rubbed his eyes, how did he end up here?

"Don't look into It's eyes! It can play on your fears and control you. That's how we lost Stan." Maria shouted from across the room, gesturing to the maimed corpse Cross already had the pleasure of meeting. Still, Cross felt relief. As he tightened on his weapon, he let his fingers brush Lizzy's hand. She was still here, she was still with him. She gasped as she quickly hauled him to his feet and started running.

"We have to move right now!" she shouted, pulling him along as the spot they had occupied was crushed beneath a large spider leg. It growled in frustration as they got away. Cross turned as they ran and fired several shots at it, hitting it several times close up, causing it to reel back in pain. Cross winced as he felt It scream once and then twice, once in the real world and once in his head. He heard Maria sing and It was flung across the room and into the far wall.

"Get out kids! Bill, get everyone out of here go find General Conrad and get to safety. Go now!" He heard Maria shout and watched the kids, no more than twelve or so, run out past the monster and out the door where they disappeared from this tale entirely. What did you expect? They were only kids. Now it was just the three of them and It.

He and Lizzy were on the far west end of the facility while Maria was still over on the east end with the monster pulling itself from the wall right between them. He and Lizzy raised their weapons and fired, bearing down on the Akuma. He was not going to let anyone else die and certainly not at the hands of something so ugly. It screeched and raised a gigantic claw to ward them off, they stepped back to avoid the blow and kept firing. They just needed to wear it down enough. It took another half-hearted swing at them before retreating back into Maria's part of the room. Maria was on her knees, struggling to recover after her last attack.

She was wide open.

"Maria! Hey you son of a bitch get back here and fight me." Cross shouted sprinting across the room with an energy he knew he didn't have. Didn't matter, think about it later. Lizzy was behind him with her pistols raised, volleying round after round into the creature's backside. It finally stopped and turned to face them, black Akuma blood dripping from the various holes in It's skin. Good, It's attention was back where it was supposed to be and away from Maria.

"Don't worry Maria, we got you. We'll get you out of this." Lizzy shouted. Maria said something back, but they couldn't hear it over the sound of It's roar. It came at them hard and fast and they leaped to the side to dodge It's attack. It spun and ran toward Lizzy, Cross raised him weapon and fired. He hit the thing every damn time, but still it did not stop.

Even worse, Lizzy wasn't moving.

She at first just swayed on her feet before slowly slipping to the floor, her brown eyes wide with whatever that demon was showing her. Her pistols had long since stopped firing and were hanging loosely in her hands as It bore down on her.

"Lizzy move!" He shouted, running as fast as he could toward her. _I'm not going to make it, _he thought with terror. _I'm not going to get there in time to save her. _"Lizzy you have to snap out of it! Move!" She ignored him and remained where she was with a blank look on her face as It descended upon her. "Lizzy!" A horrid squelching sound and then oh so much blood. Cross felt his heart lurch. _Oh God_ _Lizzy…_

But as it turned out, Lizzy was just fine.

Lizzy let out a throaty moan from the ground, she put a hand on her head as she came back into herself. As she shook herself back into reality, blood dripped down onto her head. When she finally looked up, all she could do was scream. Maria had been closer than he had been, she gotten there sooner than he had and she had paid for it. It gleamed maliciously as it bit down on the rest of her left arm, severing it completely from her body. Maria was flung backwards, pale and shaking as the blood spurted dramatically from her body.

A thousand emotions Cross couldn't name even if he had a hundred years assaulted his system as he watched his friend, his crazy, caring, brave and wonderful friend; quickly bleed out on dirty training room floor.

"Maria!" Lizzy shouted, ignoring the Akuma still dreadfully close to her to crawl over to where Maria lay. She hovered over the fallen exorcist, taking off her coat to try and staunch the bleeding. Anger replaced anything else he might have felt at that moment. How _dare_ that thing harm one of his friends?

"You son of a bitch!" Cross shouted and against all reason, he rushed It. It turned to face him, Maria's blood still dripping from Its mouth. It would pay, It would feel pain unimaginable, It would feel the indescribable pain that was now ravaging his heart. Cross fired furiously at It and It stumbled back under his attacks. It tried to get away from his bullets and was unsuccessful. It let out an awful, pain-ridden cry of agony as It's movements slowed down to practically nothing. Eventually It fell into a wet heap on the other side of the arena, squandering in a pool of It's own blood.

It wasn't moving.

Had Cross been a little calmer and thinking with his head and not his heart, he probably would've gone over and shot at that dammed Akuma until It exploded. But the safety of the girls weighed heavily on his mind and as soon as It was down, he had holstered his weapon and made his way back over to Lizzy and Maria putting the monster entirely out of his mind.

It was dead, it had to be, he had to believe it was.

He shakily knelt down next to Lizzy, feeling Maria's warm blood soaking his hands as he reached out for her. Oh God this could not be happening. He tried to block out the image, but still it remained. Maria had her head in Lizzy's lap, her trembling, twitching body slowly leaking out her life through the gruesome hole where her arm had been. She was pale and covered in blood and sweat and when she rolled her eyes up to him and he thought for a moment that he might cry.

This couldn't be happening.

"O-okay?" She asked quietly through numb lips, not trusting his voice, he nodded bringing his fist up to his mouth. There was too much blood, Lizzy's coat was completely soaked and was doing nothing in the least to slow down the blood flow. There was nothing he could do. Nothing he could fucking do to save one of his closest friends and comrade. Lizzy was openly sobbing next to him as she stroked Maria's sticky hair as she vainly continued to try and stop the bleeding.

"I-I'm sorry." He said leaning down by her head, he could feel the tears coming and he made no effort to stop them. "I-I promised, I promised you that I wouldn't let you-let you go. I had p-promised." How could he have allowed this to happen? How could Maria, larger than life and so full of love, die like this? Die in the dirt from a goddamned Akuma? They weren't-they were supposed to be together until the end. His forehead rested on her clammy one as he tried to will away reality. _Please don't; please don't leave us, _he begged silently through his tears.

"I-I love you." She said softly and calmly through shortening breaths. Lizzy had by this point apparently realized that her efforts were useless and was now hugging Maria's larger frame tightly, as if she could give Maria a little bit of her own life.

"T-tell Nea-ah, I-I'm sorry. I couldn't-couldn't-" She took a moment to fight for a strangled breath. "You-you have to g-give the-the Earl o-one f-for me. I'm-I'm c-counting on yo-ou. So-so d-don't b-be sad, I'll-I'll al-ways b-be w-with you." She gave one last smile, bloody and forced, just like the first one before her body finally threw in the towel. He stared unbelievingly as one of the only people he had ever truly loved was swept blissfully away from this world.

Lizzy buried her face in Maria's neck sobbing and calling her name, trying to call her back from whatever heaven awaited her. _This is why,_ Cross thought to himself, unable to tear his gaze from Maria's still body_. This is why people call upon the Earl_. Never again would he scoff at the humans who foolishly sought the Earl's services for their grief. Never again would he belittle their pain.

Jesus, what was he going to tell Neah?

He reached over and put an arm around Lizzy's shoulder and held her close. He couldn't let Lizzy lose herself in this, they had to keep moving forward, they had to find Neah and destroy the Earl. They may not have been able to save her, but they still could ensure that her death hadn't been in vain.

"L-Lizzy, we have to-have to-"

"We are not leaving her!" Lizzy shouted, shaking her head, causing her tears to splatter. She looked up at him with a mix of anger and sorrow. "She never left us and I am not going to leave her all alone with that thing!" Her shoulders shook and he just let her sit there and cry out her agony as they lamented a life lost. He gently rubbed her back as he struggled for his composure, as much as he wanted to stay here for Maria; he knew that they were needed elsewhere.

"We'll come back for her later. We have to stop the Earl Lizzy, remember that? We have to make sure that she didn't die for nothing." Lizzy sniffled next to him.

"But-but-"

"Remember what Neah said? We will meet again. But for right now, you have to-to let her go and we have to make sure the Earl never ever makes people suffer like this again. Do you understand?" Lizzy brought up one hand to wipe away her tears, her eyes red and sorrowful, but determined. She nodded stiffly.

"You're-you're right. We have to-have to avenge her or she'll never-never forgive us when we see her again." He smiled and leaned over to kiss her temple.

"You'll never leave me, will you Cross?" She asked weakly. "You'll always be with me right?" He reached over and found her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. No matter what happened, he would never leave her.

"Always, wherever you go, I'll be right there." She nodded and shakily stood to her feet. They would be alright, they would continue on and mourn Maria's passing, but they would be alright in the end. He was just about to stand up when a sudden feeling of doom and terror struck him. What was- He was struck on the backside of the head before he could act upon his instincts. The world swirled before him and he fell to the ground a few centimeters from Maria's remaining hand. His vision spun as he felt his own blood dribble onto the floor.

_So now me too, It'll just be Lizzy and Neah, _he thought distantly.

"Cros-" Lizzy started, turning around to face the attacker, however it sent another leg her way and she only had time to raise her arm in defense before she was thrown back behind Maria. From his awkward position on the floor, he could see the bones in her right forearm protruding from the skin as a puddle of blood began to form. Nasty compound fracture, they'd have to fix it before she bled out like Maria. He had to-had to… The Akuma, _It_, stumbled back over to them.

Lizzy was rasping in pain, reaching over with her good arm for her pistols which had dropped over by him. He tried once to push himself up and failed. He moaned, his body wasn't listening to his brain. He had taken quite the beating today, it seemed his body was finally calling it quits and absolutely refusing to move anymore. But he couldn't give up; he had too much to do… and- and Lizzy.

He tried again and managed to get to his knees. He was too late to save Maria, but he wouldn't let Lizzy suffer because of his weakness. His head hurt so much he could barely think. Bring a hand up to the bleeding spot on his head; he shakily raised Judgment to face It. It was about ten meters away, but it stopped seeing the gun raised. It was probably still feeling the pain the weapon had previously inflicted upon it. But fear wouldn't keep It away forever.

Cross could have chuckled at the irony. They were both probably going to die here because Maria, the one who was constantly lamenting that she was so useless, wasn't here to protect them with her Innocence shield. What he would've given to have died in her place, at least then they both would have been safe. His vision swam, he could barely hold his weapon level, much less shoot it. Lizzy was down an arm and her weapons were out of her reach and he didn't dare take his eyes off of the Akuma long enough to grab the weapons for her.

Dammit, if only Maria was still here.

He paused as something popped into his head. A long forgotten spell, one of thousands he had learned over the years, came back to him with sickening clarity. A bonding spell, it was incredibly complex, something he'd learned with the intention of never using it due to its disquieting nature. It had the ability to control a person's movements, sort of like a magical version of Maria's Carte Garde. He gulped as the implications fully hit him.

He needed Maria's Innocence to save himself and Lizzy.

And now he had the means to do so.

No, he couldn't- he wouldn't do that to Maria, to his friend, to treat her body like a puppet. He wasn't even sure he could do it with a living body, much less a dead one. His hands gave from the effort of holding up Judgment fell to the ground. The Akuma sauntered slowly forward, saliva dripping past It's sharp, grinning teeth. _Maria is fucking dead!_ He shouted at himself internally, _D-E-A-D, dead. But Lizzy, Lizzy is still alive. That lifeless shell you insist on protecting is nothing more than organized Carbon, Hydrogen, Nitrogen and Oxygen. All it takes is a few simple words and you can protect Lizzy just like you promised._

He closed his eyes. He couldn't. He wouldn't. There was no fucking way he was doing this. But he had to; he had to save Lizzy where he had been unable to save Maria. Even if Lizzy hated him for the rest of his life, he would save her. And this was the only way he knew how. God forgive him.

"Lizzy, please forgive me, I'm going to do something in very bad taste." He whispered, softly turning away from the Akuma to focus on Maria's body. He kicked one of Lizzy's guns over to her, which she picked up awkwardly. She gave him a mystified, but trusting, look. It pained him to think of her blind trust in him, would she still look at him that way once she realized what he was doing to their friend?

"Keep It busy for a minute; this will all be over soon." He knelt over Maria's body, arranging her in the best possible way, his hands were slick from her blood and he thought for a moment that he just might faint.

"W-what are you going to do to her?" Lizzy asked weakly, he didn't answer and after a moment he heard through his closed lids the firing of her pistol. She didn't know what he was doing, but she was willing to trust him enough to not ask. He held his hands over the corpse and summoned up all of his magical prowess, fighting down the hateful, heart-wrenching guilt in his throat. This was for Lizzy.

_Maria, please forgive me. Please, I just-I can't lose Lizzy like I lost you._

"Abata Ura Masara-Kato On Gataru" He said, forcefully waving his rigid, precise fingers over the body. A flash of light went off in his head as the connection was forged. He bent over breathless as a dull chill stole up somewhere deep inside his chest. He had never tried this trick on a living body, so to form such a tight physical and mental bond with a dead one was… He closed his mind to such thoughts.

_You said you wanted to be with us to the end and maybe this way you will._

Regaining his breath, he slowly raised his arm and he could hear the shifting materials as the corpse of his friend sat up with limp obedience. It was strange; it was like being in two places at once. It felt so very cold. He heard Lizzy gasp loudly and drop her weapon. It clattered noisily on the floor. "Magdala-Magdala Curtain." He ordered as he finally forced himself to open his eyes and look upon the monstrosity he had brought about.

He really wished he hadn't.

The corpse of Maria swayed drunkenly to her feet with uncoordinated, insentient movements. He concentrated harder, trying to even out her stance and make her look a little more human. But goddammit she, it, wasn't human anymore. Everything he had come to love about Maria, her bounce, her smile, her exuberance had all left with her soul and this empty vessel remained as emotionless and stoic as a marble statue.

To see someone who was once so vivacious, be reduced to-to this. It hurt, it hurt real bad.

It was almost worse when her bloodless lips opened and she began to sing the song he had become so familiar with over the years. He crawled over to Lizzy, her eyes wide with renewed tears flowing and her hands covering her mouth in terrified disbelief. He shakily grabbed onto her and held her close, trying to block her view of the moving corpse.

"Oh my-oh my God Cross what did you do to her? Jesus Christ, she's-she's-" He held her tighter, burying his face in her hair trying not to look at the atrocity he had done to one of his closest friends.

"Don't look Lizzy; please don't look at what I had to do."

And Maria, her earthly remains anyway, just kept singing. She no longer knew fatigue or pain, she wouldn't complain or refuse. If Cross asked her to, the body would keep on singing until the end of time itself came upon them and even then, he still might hear her haunting melody ringing in his head. The Akuma raged outside the shield, beating and throwing itself against the barrier to no avail.

Cross hugged Lizzy tighter as they sat inside their circle, trying piece together their new reality where a good friend could be lost in the blink of an eye and a beautiful woman could rise up from the grave to sing such a striking song.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Running, running, running, it seemed Neah had done nothing but run around this goddamn base for hours and where the fuck had it gotten him? Nowhere that's where. He was even more lost than usual. Every time he came to a place that looked familiar, he would round a corner and end up somewhere he didn't recognize at all. He was kinda under a time constraint here. The Earl was pissed.

Well that was an understatement.

He was more like majorly, massively pissed off screaming for the blood of his youngest Noah.

Neah had already killed Analyse and another Noah, Frey, who he wasn't terribly familiar with, but he went down relatively easy, so Neah didn't particularly care. But still, easy didn't equate into anything the Noah did and he was running out of energy. That damned Frey and his parasites had exhausted Neah's strength and he had only won that battle by dumb luck. Never again would he underestimate the destructive power of garden tools. He needed to find the others and get out of here as soon as possible. If they didn't leave soon, all of their plans would go up in smoke and then not even God himself could save them.

The Ark was his trump card and soon even that would be taken from him. The Earl was probably gathering the rest of the Noah right now as he was piling them all into the Ark headed for headquarters where they would eradicate him. Neah couldn't let them have the Ark.

_His _Ark.

It was only thing about being a Noah that he was actually proud of; he loved every part of that damn thing: the weather that was always seventy degrees and sunny, the feel of the stone buildings with their budding flowers. He wouldn't let such a beautiful and wonderful thing be used for such evil. He would blow up the damn thing before he let the Earl get his filthy hands on it ever again.

_But how,_ he sighed, he wasn't sure even he could blow up the Ark and besides he wasn't sure he _could_. The Ark had been given to him by the Earl, it was like his baby and the thought of destroying it was downright painful. _And speaking of painful_ he thought, gripping his stomach. The fight with Analyse had taken quite a lot out of him, not to mention the agonizing pain of Frey's demonic parasites. The wounds had mostly healed and he was still moving, but he knew he wouldn't be able to last forever like this, not with ten other Noah and the Earl to deal with.

They had to run.

He really hated it, but it just wasn't a matter of choice anymore. Once he found the guys, they would grab Mana and go into hiding until they could organize a proper attack against the Earl. They would most certainly, most assuredly die if they fought now. He couldn't think of it as retreating, he thought of it more as receding to fight another day.

That sounded a lot better than fleeing.

"Anytime you turn from battle, no matter how wise or just the reasoning, it is indeed considered retreating. I could quote many historical examples, but I believe I have made my point." Neah skidded to a halt at the gruff voice behind him. He cursed; he wasn't in any condition to fight a Noah right now.

"Right you are little brother, though I suppose I shouldn't call you that anymore, but old habits die hard I suppose." Hassan said, leaning against a wall casually as if he had nothing to fear. "I hope you realize you're not getting out here alive, you're too smart to believe that this little revolution of yours would work." Neah slipped down into a fighting stance which Hassan shrugged off with a smirk.

"Really? You want to fight? It wouldn't be much of a battle, all I would have to do is peek inside that treasonous little brain of yours and stop a few cognitive processes and-" Neah really didn't want to hear Hassan continue and decide the best defense was a good offense.

Neah almost smirked as Hassan was legitimately caught by surprise as he lunged at him. Hassan slammed into the wall to avoid Neah's blow, which made a sizeable dent in the wall. Hassan was right about one thing, the Noah of Wisdom could end everything very quickly with that demon eye of his. It was up to Neah to convince him that he didn't need such measures. Neah pulled his hand out of the wall and smirked at his older brother.

"You really want to impress the Earl right? Turning me into a vegetable isn't going to get you the fortune and glory you crave. You know how competitive the Noah are, if you bring me back drooling, brain dead and in one piece, you'll be laughed at for reincarnations to come." Hassan frowned, just because Neah was the Noah of Pride didn't mean he was the only one with an ego. He just hoped Hassan's was large enough to fall for such an obvious ploy. In the end, the Iranian man returned Neah's smirk.

"What a Noah you would've made if only you had applied yourself." Hassan said, stretching out his arms. "An excellent point you make, I would be declared treasonous myself if I presented you so nice and clean looking. So I suppose I can play along for now, if only for the sake of impressing my Lord." Neah gasped and dropped down suddenly at the speed of the older man's attacks. Shit, he was expecting Hassan, being older and more studious, not to put up much of a fight. After fighting two Noah, Neah wasn't sure he could hold off his attacks and he couldn't afford anymore grievous injuries.

"Just because I read a lot does not make me a feeble weakling. Really Neah, just because you were able to kill Analyse and Frey doesn't mean you'll be able to do us all in." Neah grumbled slightly to himself as the Noah was, quite literally, able to read his mind. Neah didn't stand a chance in hell if all of the Noah would put up this much of a fight, and what of the Earl? He winced as Hassan's last comment caught up to him, so he knew about that.

"Of course, we all know, it's hard to ignore when our Inner Noah's is weeping through us." Hassan brushed past him and Neah was close enough to see the golden flecks in his eyes. Neah jumped back a few meters to put some distance between them while he thought of a strategy.

"So tell me, how were you able to do it?" Hassan questioned, spinning his leg up in what was sure to be a very painful kick to the head. Neah ducked underneath him and attacked from below, but was his attack was sidestepped with the ease of one who saw it coming a mile away. Neah cursed, Hassan could read his thoughts, Neah needed to keep them quieter if he wanted to stand any chance of beating him. And of course through all this, Hassan just kept talking...

"How were you able to ignore the natural cries of your Inner Noah? How could you ignore the blood bond between yourself and the others as you killed them? That is quite a feat in and of itself." An open space and Neah rushed forward, managing to land a pretty good punch to the man's face. Hassan went down hard on the floor and Neah was on him in an instant, feeling the thrice familiar apathy rise in his mind as he hovered over Hassan.

"I see," Hassan whispered softly from the floor as he relocated his jaw. "Your connection to your Noah is not as strong as the others, thus you are able to go against your blood and kill your family." Hassan rolled over quickly, causing Neah to lose his balance. Hassan was back on his feet as Neah got on his knees. "What went wrong with you? Why is your Inner Noah so faint in your mind? Was it Innocence? Or just your damnable human conscious that kept you from fully bonding with your Noah memories?" He then shrugged, letting his shoulders drop out of their practiced posture.

"I suppose it really doesn't matter at this point, the Earl wants you dead and the longer I keep you alive, the angrier he's going to be with me. It's been real fun little brother, but I think it's about time we ended this." Neah narrowed his eyes, he couldn't agree more.

Though Hassan was a dangerous Noah, he did have one crippling weakness that would ensure Neah's victory. He just had to wait for Hassan to relax his body enough so Neah could take advantage of his one physical flaw. As Hassan closed his eyes, Neah made sure to keep his thoughts blank; he couldn't have that son of a bitch poking unnecessarily through his head.

But how easily the mind wanders…

"So it's a girl is it?" Hassan shouted suddenly, a wide patronizing smile on his face, Neah tensed.

"You fell in love with an exorcist girl didn't you? My, my Neah that's pretty bad, even for you. Don't worry, once I present your body before the Earl, I'll be sure to pick her up as well and bring her home to meet the family. It's Elizabeth, am I correct?" Neah was being goaded, he knew, into wasting his one chance at victory. But dammit the bastard was talking about Lizzy…

"I'm sure the Earl and the other Noah would just be so delighted to meet her, they'd give her the _royal _treatment." Hassan teased with a light smile, bringing his fingers up to his temples.

Neah's eyes blazed and he was running at the bastard before he could think any further. Hassan, clearly anticipating such an attack, opened his stance and concentrated. He however, wasn't expecting Neah to rush past him. The man blinked in confusion, it was only a moment, but it was enough to break his concentration. By the time Hassan even knew what was going on, Neah had turned around and delivered a weighty blow right in the dead center of Hassan's demon eye.

Hassan gasped in agony and fell writhing to the floor, clutching his head as if it were on fire. For someone who claimed to be so strong, he sure went down pretty easily. With Hassan's powers disabled, he was veritably helpless as he screamed in pain. Neah could still feel the defensive anger rising in the back of his mind. He would never let any harm come to his friends.

Despite the agony, Hassan let out a strangled laugh through his anguish. He clutched his head and rolled over to his side, staring at Neah with wide, bloodshot eyes. He looked angry. He looked manic. But most of all he looked scared.

"Even if you defeat me, you're not getting out of this alive, not you or your little girlfriend. You've run out of luck, you're going to die Neah and you're going to die horribly and everything you've worked for will be for nothing. Do you hear me! Everything is for-" Hassan's hysterical rant was cut short as Neah rammed his elbow deep into the Noah of Wisdom's forehead, so deep he could feel the floor on the bottom. A gasp and Hassan's eyes rolled to the back of his head as another Noah bit the dust.

"Yeah, I hear you alright and don't you ever fucking threaten her."

_Another one dead that makes three,_ he thought. At least Neah was mildly more prepared when the tears came this time, he wiped them away halfheartedly. He sat down on the floor a minute just staring at Hassan's body. He didn't feel as bad about the death as he did about Analyse.

She died protecting the name of her Master. He died being an ass.

And well, there was Frey. He didn't really know him, but he'd pissed Neah off anyway.

Still a life was a life and he wondered if he would have to go through this ritual of guilt and acceptance with all of the Noah. Or worse, if he would come to a point where he stopped feeling anything at all. He ran a bloody hand through his hair, causing it to stick up at an angle that was sure looked really weird. What would someone say if they came around the corner right now? They'd see a dead body on the floor, a twisted look of anguish on his face. Next to him would be a dirty, grimy kid who may or may not have been an exorcist as the black coat he wore was nearly unrecognizable. Neah almost laughed.

He felt worse about ruining the poor, dead exorcist's coat than he did over his brother's death.

Well, he certainly wasn't getting anywhere sitting here. Hassan was right, the Ark would be out of reach soon and he still needed to find his friends. He wasn't sure exactly what to say to Hassan, Neah had barely known him other than the strange awkward conversations they'd had at times. Neah thought of the one they'd had outside the library. He bowed his head solemnly and, through his tears, said a brief prayer.

"Please watch over him God, I know he gave up on you, but please don't give up on him. It's a hard life sometimes and we all can't handle it, the devil made him an offer he couldn't refuse. Please forgive him and help him understand-" Neah frowned, understand what? Well humanity maybe, understand what it was like to live and think. It seemed the Noah of Wisdom hadn't been all that knowledgeable on empathy, maybe he would find that understanding in death.

Neah hoped so. Everyone deserved a second chance.

He stood up and stretched. God, he was hurting everywhere, but he didn't have time to think about that right now. He had to keep moving. Ah shit, he still had to find the guys. He leaned his head back so he was staring at the ceiling and groaned. Come on, couldn't God cut him a little slack? He would get Tim, who was flying around his secret room on the Ark, to find them, but he would probably only get one shot on the Ark and he couldn't afford to waste it on such a petty matter.

_Please,_ he thought looking at the grey ceiling, _a little help here? A sign? Anything? _He stood there wondering for a minute before he realized that he was humming. That was strange. Even stranger, it was Maria's hymn, what was he doing trying to channel her or something?

He paused. No wait, he wasn't humming it, he was hearing it.

He snapped his neck to the right and concentrated. He could hear Maria's song, it was far away, but at least he could find them now. He couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief. Thank God, they were okay, they were fine.

Well Maria was at any rate.

No time to think about that, with not even a glance in Hassan's direction, he sprinted down the hall that would eventually lead him to his friends. Left, right, another right, he turned in and out of hallways not thinking as to where he was, only following the sweet sound of Maria's voice. He was almost there, God she sounded so close.

"Maria!" He shouted, "can you hear me? Are you alright?" She just kept singing, he frowned, either she couldn't hear him or she was too busy singing to respond. Maybe she was in trouble. He ran faster, whether that was true or not, he needed to find her, hopefully the others were with her as well. He simply didn't have the time to look for them, not when hell was descending upon them. He came upon a darkened hallway, the bloodstains on the floor did not improve the atmosphere, but she was certainly down here.

"Maria!" No answer, he continued slowly down the hallway, lured by her song and ignoring the growing discomfort in his chest. Why wasn't she answering? And he'd never heard her waver once in her song the entire time he'd been running, wasn't she tired? "Maria!"

"Neah is that you?" Lizzy, oh thank you Jesus Lord, it was Lizzy. "Neah hurry!" He started running again; he reached the end of the hallway and entered the door where Maria's song was projecting. The biggest, ugliest Akuma Neah had ever seen was clawing viciously at Maria's shield. He could see Lizzy and Cross hugging inside the shield. Neah squinted his eyes; it must be the lighting because it looked like Maria was missing an arm.

"Hey ugly, over here!" The Akuma perked up and looked over at him. "Why don't you show me what you've got you son of a bitch!" The Akuma abandoned Maria and the others and came at him. Maybe calling it ugly hadn't been such a good idea. Neah leaped to the side as a hairy spider leg crashed down beside him and he barely avoided it as another went over his head. He grabbed one of legs and tried to hold it still, but it escaped his grip.

"Master Neah." It hissed spitefully in the voise of a thousand nightmares. "Lord Millennium wishes to speak with you." Neah winced.

"I'm not taking calls at the moment, can he leave a message?" No dice, the Earl's voice suddenly projected through the Akuma. He sounded calm. Neah could only imagine what he was really feeling.

"Neah, brother, what are you doing?" Neah didn't answer, he had nothing to say to his Lord, as far as he was concerned his actions had spoken louder than any words he could come up with. "Why did you kill your siblings Neah? Analyse, Frey, Hassan and all those Akuma, what are you doing protecting the exorcists like that?" The Earl sounded angry now, really, really angry. But he also sounded sad and confused and hurt. Like he was trying to justify Neah's actions in his head, trying to find some reason his brother would do this.

He sounded just like Analyse had: hurt, angry and betrayed.

"I came home." He said holding his arms wide out to gesture to the Order's facility, in the background Maria just kept singing. "This is where I belong and this is where I'm going to stop you." The Earl didn't say anything, it was quiet and Neah wondered what was happening on the other end. The Akuma suddenly writhed in pain, shakily falling to Its knees as the Earl's shouting voice came forth like thunder.

"**WELL YOU'RE GOING TO DIE THERE TOO YOU TRAITOROUS BASTARD! I TRUSTED YOU AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME! YOU WILL DIE NEAH WALKER, YOU AND ALL YOUR DAMNABLE LITTLE EXORCIST FRIENDS WILL DIE! YOU WILL BURN BEFORE THIS DAY IS OVER DO YOU HEAR ME? YOU WILL BURN NEAH AND YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE FUCKING ORDER WILL BURN TOO AND YOU WILL NEVER EVER CROSS ME AGAIN! I WILL SEE YOU IN HELL BEFORE I LET YOU GET AWAY WITH THIS BROTHER!"** Ah shit.

The Akuma was now shaking uncontrollably by the force of the Earl's message, various wounds on it were bleeding profusely, it seems the guys had done quite a number on it before… before what? Why hadn't they killed it yet? Why were they still hovering inside Maria's shield? He walked up to the thrashing Akuma's face and put a soft hand on its head. Neah was scared, he was scared he wouldn't be strong enough and he was scared of death.

And yet here he was looking death in the eye with a smile.

"I'm sorry you feel that way my Lord but I don't think this is a conversation we should have over an Akuma. We should meet soon; you know over coffee or something, we'll discuss it then." He could hear the Earl's enraged breathing on the other end and Neah grinned and started speaking before he could stop himself. "Doesn't it just gall you that one of your own betrayed you? Your own brother?"

This was stupid, this had better fucking work.

"You pull the Akuma and the Noah out of the Order bases now and I'll face you. I can disappear if I wanted to and you would never find me again. But I'll give you the chance to avenge all the wrongs I did against you, a fight to the death, just you and me, but… only if you pull out your armies. You can continue waging your war once I'm gone, but you will never, ever be able to forgive yourself if you let me go unpunished." Static. Neah bit his lip, trying not to show his fear.

"I hope those exorcists are worth it Neah." The Earl said with barely contained fury. "Because I am going to make your last moments hell on earth. You can have your Order and your exorcists. I just want your head." Neah bowed respectfully, it felt so wrong and he could hear the Earl shriek in anger.

"It's a date, don't bother calling me, I'll call you." He rammed his fist through the Akuma's head and it exploded, causing Neah to be blown back a few meters. He slouched over, catching his breath. He wasn't sure how much more of this he could take, either the various wounds his body was receiving and healing or the number of times he'd almost had a heart attack today.

And why the hell was Maria still singing?

"Okay Maria, you have a lovely voice, but I'm starting to go deaf over here." He shouted, rolling his shoulders as broken Akuma parts fell from his flesh. His wounds were taking longer to heal. He would need about three days' rest and a bunch of food to recover from this. He doubted he would get either.

"Maria I said-"

He heard Cross say something and then there was a dull thunk as Maria hit the floor hard. Neah started, Jesus was she unconscious? He ran over to her as fast as he could, why weren't they doing anything? Was she hurt? Dammit, she had probably pushed herself too hard again; she was-she was-

She was dead.

He skidded to a halt in front of them, he'd been too busy dealing with the Akuma and later the Earl to really look at them, but they looked awful. Lizzy's right arm was clearly broken, messily bandaged with a torn piece of her shirt. She had cuts and bruises everywhere and was almost completely covered in blood, whose he didn't quite know. Where before he had mistaken Cross for hugging Lizzy, he was actually leaning his whole body against her, his eyes were only half open and there was a good amount of blood on his neck. Jesus it looked like he might have a concussion. He also appeared to be favoring an arm as he shivered, looking up at him with an emotion Neah couldn't describe.

And Maria, poor, sweet, lovable, laughable, damnable Maria.

Her left arm was indeed gone and the gratuitous amount of blood surrounding her on the floor showed that it hadn't come off pleasantly. Her face was smashed into the dirt, one pale, green eye listlessly staring at him from the ground. This couldn't be-couldn't be…

'_Why couldn't you save me?'_ it seemed to say, he fell to his knees. Oh God Maria.

"Ma-Maria?" She didn't answer, he put a trembling hand on her shoulder, the one that was still there and shook it, God she was so cold. Her silence was such a terrible contrast to her usual exuberance, it left a hole where a portion of his heart had been. "Maria co-come on we have to go, we-we have a war to win." Lizzy let out a strangled cry behind him. "Come on, we're-we're going to get a drink after this, re-remember?" His voice cracked in a most unflattering way as he brought his free hand up to his mouth, feeling the tears gather. This wasn't like when Analyse or Hassan had died, this was real, a bitter awful feeling as a quarter of his soul was suddenly taken from him. Oh God she was really gone.

"Ne-Neah" He looked up at Lizzy as she held out her good arm out to him, her eyes were red from many, many tears already shed, but still she managed to find some more "I-I-"

He tore off his Akuma blood soaked coat and walked around Maria's body to collapse in their embrace, careful not to disturb her broken arm, careful not the move Cross's head, he held them as tightly as he could, trying to understand his loss. Why did this have to happen? Why did he have to lose everyone he loved? The three of them sat like that, united by their grief, for a brief amount of time. He held them tightly in his arms all too painfully aware that they could disappear at any instant. Just like Maria had.

Cross rolled his burgundy eyes a little up towards him, they were wide and unfocused, something Neah was sure was only partially caused by his head injury.

"We should go." Cross said slowly. "We can't-we can't let this stop us. If we do-then everything we've worked for-everything she gave us will have been for nothing." Neah sniffed, yeah, of course he was right. He could always count on Cross to be the voice of reason while he and Lizzy were bawling their eyes out and Maria was-

Oh Jesus that hurt, he couldn't think about that now.

He gave Maria another quick look, she had obviously been dead for a little bit, but she had just been singing not minutes before. Neah pursed his lips. He knew what a good magician Cross was, but he also knew how much the other boy cared for Lizzy. However much it must have killed him, Neah believed in Cross's judgment to protect those around him, especially Lizzy. So he wouldn't ask, he wouldn't cause Cross anymore pain than he had caused himself.

Whatever punishment there was for doing things like that, Cross would put upon himself tenfold. Neah put an arm under each of them and helped them stand up. Lizzy let go immediately allowing Neah to help steady Cross, he got right in his friend's face, looking at his eyes.

"I don't think you're concussed, but you really need to get that head of yours bandaged and you really should lie down. We also have to find someone to set that arm of yo-" There was a horrible crack as Lizzy gasped in pain as she pushed the bone back into place. The wound started bleeding again. "What the fuck are you doing girl? I meant we have to get you to a doctor! Jesus." He swore, letting go of Cross to catch Lizzy before she fell, she stabilized herself as she took deep steadying breath, leaning into him in a startling display of weakness.

"We have to-have to keep moving." She said breathlessly, leaning against his coat. "You have to keep moving forward until-until the day you-you die." She looked up at him with a deathly serious face. "Isn't that what you said?" He frowned and stroked her hair giving it a light kiss. Yeah, but he hadn't meant it literally. The loss of Maria was already threatening to drive him over the edge; he couldn't even comprehend a reality in which Lizzy didn't exist in. He wasn't going to lose any more friends. He just couldn't handle that kind of pain.

"That doesn't apply to you, not any more, this is my fight now. I'm going to drop you two off somewhere safe and I'm going to finish this. Somehow, someway I am going to end this, I promise. I can't let-I can't let Maria have died for nothing." Cross stumbled next to him.

"You can't leave us now. The Earl saw us here with you remember? We couldn't escape even if we wanted too." He put a bloody hand on his shoulder. "We started this together and we sure as shit are going to end this together. No matter what happens, you're not doing this alone."

"But I-I can't justify letting you come along with me. It's past dangerous at this point, it's downright suicidal." Lizzy continued to breathe raggedly into his chest. He gently angled her so that her open wounds were not in contact with his skin, which was still covered in Akuma blood.

"I'm glad I met you," she whispered softly. "I've been your friend for a very long time and never once have I regretted it. Winning or losing, I want to be there with you, with both of you. If you were to go and die and leave me here alone, well I think I just might die of heartbreak." He closed his eyes against the tears and kissed her lightly again on the head. He looked at Cross.

"Are you sure, I mean, I'm certainly not forcing you and-"

"Just shut the fuck up and open the gate, we need to get Mana and Tim remember?" Neah smiled at his longtime friend. Neah was going to repay them. In this life or the next, he was going to find a way to show these people how much they meant to him. How much he would give to save them.

"What about-what about-" Lizzy sniffed below him, Neah fell into silence.

They didn't have time to bury her right now. It was bad enough that she had even died, but to leave her body like this… Neah let go of Lizzy and picked up the torn and blood soaked exorcist's coat from the floor. Without this coat, he could no longer claim any ties to the Black Order and his formally white Noah shirt was there for all to see. He would have to change the first chance he got, this outfit made him feel dirty, in every sense of the word. He walked over and kneeled by Maria's head. He rolled her over so she was looking at him.

"Hey Maria, we're going to go defeat the Millennium Earl now. We'll be back real soon so-so don't you worry. I'll be sure to give that son of a bitch a good punch on the nose just for you-" God he was going to start crying again, but he managed to restrain himself.

"I-I love you Maria. I promise I will make things right. But this isn't-this isn't the end. We're going to see each other again and then we'll go get that drink." He placed a tender kiss on her forehead and slowly closed her once bright green eyes and laid the jacket over her. "We'll meet again, I promise you, I will find you." He stood up and walked back over to his dreadfully wounded but still living friends and gave them a hug. "Alright bitches, let's save the world."

He closed his eyes and summoned the gate, they were going to have to make this quick if they were going to survive. He turned one last time to look at his fallen friend before the white doorway shut. He closed his eyes, willing himself to be strong. He just had to be.

_But still,_ he thought looking up at the Ark, each curve whispering a new threat, would he be able to?

* * *

_Blackbird fly, blackbird fly_

_Into the light of the dark black night. ~ The Beatles_

* * *

Wow, I don't think I realized this until I edited this chapter, but a lot of crap happens in this one chapter. I'm so used to viewing this as a whole that I forget which segments fall under 'one chapter'. Anyone here read Fullmetal Alchemist? For these chapters, I envision the little drawing Arakawa does at the end of each volume showing the characters who died going to heaven (or hell).

Poor Maria. For those of you wondering about my strange and akward references, this chapter was my tribute to my favorite book IT by Stephen King. It inspired this story and thus is properly attributed here, also two characters in that book die by arm ripping off (the latter almost identical to the way described here) which was how I decided for Maria to go. So Maria goes to heaven while Analyse, Frey and Hassan burn in hell until their next reincarnation.

I do feel a little bad for the virtually unnamed Noah (I named him Frey after the Norse God of storms-rain-corrosion for the Noah of Corrosion) We know nothing about them in the manga so they don't get much action, just a passing reference if they're lucky. Life sucks for our heroes and will only get suckier! Please continue and let's find out all the ways I can screw with these poor children's' lives.

By the by, I'm going to plug for a friend. There is a very fabulous DGM story which is not getting nearly the attention it deserves! It's called _Requiem of the Golden Wheat _by Dobby's Socks and it is absolutely fantastic. It also chronicles the origin of the 14th's war and how the events from 35 years ago have come to shape the current DGM timeline. It remains very much faithful to the manga and is an amazing read! Please check it out, you shant be disappointed!

Next Update should be July 24th (unless of course the zombie apocalypse occurs and I may be a day or two delayed)

_Blackbird_ (c) is owned by the Beatles. (For anyone who cares, my concert was amazing and fantastic and my head is still reeling for the epicness of the whole evening. Roger Waters, thank you for one of the most memorable nights of my life! Good music shall never die!)


	21. Time

_Disclaimer: I do not own any part of D. Gray-man nor any of its characters. I can only close my eyes and quietly play dress up with said characters in my head and hope I'm not desecrating Hoshino Katsura's work too much._

For those of you who care, Author's Notes will be at the end of every chapter and any and all questions will be gleefully answered if asked.

* * *

_So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking_

_Racing around to come up behind you again._

_The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older,_

_Shorter of breath and one day closer to death._

* * *

Lizzy was shaking from both pain and adrenaline fueled terror. She hugged herself with her good arm to steady herself as they stumbled through the Ark. Now was not the time to lose it. She had to be strong. She took another few steps forward, trying not to think about how fucking much her arm hurt. Now that Maria wasn't here… she closed her eyes against the tears and continued. Now that Maria wasn't here, someone had to keep an eye on the boys. Who knew how much trouble they would get in without her?

She took another quick look around the Ark. It was funny, in all the years she had been in here, ran through these splendorous halls, leaned against the walls in frustration and opened doors without a second thought, she had never felt as uncomfortable as she did right now. Maybe because before the Ark had been Neah's, it had been safe, it had been a place where neither side could reach them. Now she wasn't too sure, with the Earl hot on their trail, she could almost feel his eyes boring into the back of her neck. She realized she was lagging behind and ran to catch up.

This was the last place she wanted to be left alone.

Neah paused and, making sure they were truly alone, summoned the gate that led them into his secret room. She'd only been in here a few times, so she wasn't terribly familiar with it, but there was just something so_ Neah _about it that she felt herself relaxing immediately upon entering it. She couldn't help but smile at all the memories taped up on the walls. Her eyes caught one of the four of them together, Maria laughing wildly with a boy in each arm. Lizzy brought her hand up to stifle tears that hadn't fallen, but probably soon would be.

She gently pushed aside Neah's exorcist coat with her foot which lie abandoned on the floor after Neah's last trip to headquarters. Tim assaulted Neah suddenly, banging him pretty roughly in the head. Neah smiled hollowly, rubbing his head as he brushed Tim off and made his way over to the piano. He lightly fingered the cover. Neah had a look of stark determination and with all the blood on him; he actually looked kind of scary. She had a hard time connecting her sweet and gentle friend with this cold, hardened warrior. Just another thing she thought would never come to pass.

"So what are we going to do now?" She whispered though it sounded so loud in the silence surrounding them. "How are we going to escape the Earl? Couldn't he just use the Ark to find us?" Neah frowned and slowly opened the covering, revealing white glistening keys.

"He's not going to take my Ark," he growled venomously, "not if I can help it." _Oh Neah what's happened to you_? She thought sadly, looking at the rough expression on his face. He looked at her sideways and put on a forced smile, it wasn't very good, but at least he was still trying and that had to be worth something. "From here I can control the Ark and, if I play my cards right, I can ensure that the Earl won't ever be able to access the Ark's full power again. I won't have my baby being used for evil, not anymore." Lizzy nodded, he still hadn't answered her question. What about them, how would they get out of here? She dare didn't ask again, seeing his face, she wasn't sure she wanted the answer.

"How's the arm?" Cross asked stepping next to her; she smiled at up him with as much cheer as she could muster _awful, uncomfortable, painful, agonizing, excruciating and so goddamn useless in a time when they needed her._

"It's fine, I'm more worried about your head." He snorted and rolled his eyes as he folded his arms. He was looking a lot better, but his eyes still had an unfocused look that had her more than a little worried. In a perfect world they would be in a hospital treating their injuries, laughing over the stupid mistakes that had put them in there. Well actually in a perfect the four of them would be somewhere together without war or worries just able to be happy.

But as she had repeatedly found out, the world was not in fact perfect. Oh Maria.

Finally after a few minutes of needless tuning and awkward conversation Neah weightily sat himself down at the piano and fingered its elegant keys with longing and sadness. She walked over and gently ran her fingers down his neck and shoulder, trying to show him that no matter how he felt, he was never alone. They couldn't use the Ark any longer; it would be far too easy for the Earl to track him. She could only imagine how he felt right now.

"I want you both to know what you're getting into." Neah said quietly, not looking at them with his fingers still dancing lightly on the keys. "By doing this, I'm denying everyone access to this Ark, it will never again leave Japan under the Earl's power."

"And by everyone you mean-?"

"Yeah, that means I'm locking myself out as well, forever." A heavy silence fell as they mulled over the implications of forever.

"It's the only way to make sure the Ark isn't used for evil. I don't think… I don't think I could live with myself knowing that I let such a beautiful creation be used so disgracefully." Neah finally looked over at her and laid a soft hand on her hand which still rested on his shoulder.

"I'm leaving it available so the next 14th can use it. Only the person with the score and the license will be able to free the Ark. I've already given Timcanpy the score, Mana has it as well. Maybe-" Neah took a steadying breath. "Maybe the person who follows me could find a use for it; use it better than I have by enabling the Earl." He sighed and looked back at his piano. "I can get us to Mana's and then that will be the last time we'll ever be able to access this. Once I shut down the Ark, I'll have clipped the Earl's wings and made it a lot harder for them to locate us, but we'll be running entirely by mortal methods and the Earl still has his Akuma and the Noah…" She smiled and leaned down to give him a light kiss on his cheek.

She couldn't express how proud she was of him right now, of his strength, of his courage, of his desire to save others even as his own life was dying. She could only imagine how he felt at this moment, preparing to let go of the Ark for good and leaving the last bits of his Noah life behind him. She herself knew how hard it was to let go of things you loved, but sometimes it was necessary to save them in the end.

"I-I would love to hear you play Neah. Could you… could you please play me your song? Just one last time?" He smiled and something of his old self shown through as he delicately brought his hands down onto the keys, lightly ghosting the smooth ivory. He stopped and grinned at her.

"I'll only play if you sing; it is your song after all." She smirked and nodded as she gently lowered herself down onto the piano bench next to Neah. Cross wandered over folding his arms and leaning against the piano's body as the soft and beautifully haunting melody filled the air. And she sang. She sighed happily listening to the song float around the room. God she loved it so much and it pained her to think this would probably be the last time she would hear Neah's wonderful playing.

That saddened her more than anything else. But despite herself, it also made her happy.

This song, all of Neah's songs really, always reminded her of her friends. As she sung the lyrics Neah had written for her so long ago, she thought of all the great times they had shared together. All the dances, all the meetings, all the missions and all nights they couldn't handle the world and had found the comfort in each other's arms. All the headaches and heartaches and the days she wanted to give up coupled with the love and laughter and the hope she felt when they were all together. She would miss it; she would miss it so fucking much.

But it wasn't really disappearing was it? Those wonderful and hateful memories would always live on in Neah's song, maybe played a long time from now by another Noah kid with Neah's soul. What a strange thought. She briefly wondered what this kid would be like; if he would deserve the honor Neah was bestowing upon him but brushed it off. Anyone who had Neah's soul in them would be just as lovable and just as pure hearted. She had begun to cry, but she paid it no heed.

She dared roll her eyes over to look at Cross, who was still leaning his elbows on the piano's base. He stared into the white cover, not looking at her or Neah or at anything at all really. Lizzy's voice dipped in time with Neah's song as she studied her friend. She knew he was hurting, hurting in a way she couldn't even imagine, and yet he was still here with them. Cross must have felt her stare because he looked up suddenly and gave her a light, saddened smile. If she hadn't been singing she would have hugged him. She would have told him that what he had done to Maria wasn't wrong, that no one, not she, Neah or even Maria hated him for it. She would tell him later, she supposed concentrating back on her song.

The air began to crackle around them and she felt a dizzying sensation one gets when going down a platform too fast. Neah released one hand and held hers reassuring her and she kept singing. Maria would have been a better person to sing this. It would have only been fitting. But Maria was gone, dead, and Lizzy was paying her tribute in the only way she knew how. She could hear her voice echoing through the room and beyond as the floor beneath her seemed to shift without ever moving at all. It was hard to explain, it was as if something had locked into place.

Neah gave her hand a tight squeeze and then released it to finish off the last few chords. It was usually her favorite part of the song, but this time it just hurt to hear, hearing it meant the end of laughter and soft lies, the end of nights when all they had was each other and that had been more than enough. _No it was too soon, _she thought with sadness. _Please no, not yet, please. Just a little longer._

But the final crescendo was coming and Lizzy's voice lifted with it like an ocean wave crashing over a white beach. She poured her heart into those softly sung words, trying to express all those years of love and misery through only her voice. Finally, all too soon, her part had ended and she sat mesmerized as Neah's deft fingers finished up the last of the chords. He sat there a second, sadly touching the keys before standing up quickly and summoning a gate. It was smaller than normal and had a faded, almost shaky quality to it. Was it just her or was the room changing?

Neah grabbed her left arm and pulled her as fast as he could off of the bench. She stumbled and gave the room one last glance, the pictures on the wall mocked them with their easiness and the ground was cluttered with odds and ends that spoke of the life of a normal young man. Of course there was nothing normal about their situation and the supposed ordinariness of it all was too cruel. It just wasn't fair.

"We've got to go; we have thirty seconds before the Ark shuts down completely and we're stuck here. Now come on! It's programed for Mana's, so we've got to be prepared to go once we land. Hurry! Now!" Neah said urgently pushing them through the white gate. Neah stopped for a second and looked at the room that had been his real home all these years and turned away without a care. He would miss it yes, of course he would, but they say home is where you have your family waiting and he had his home right with him. He would be fine; they would all be just fine, eventually.

Thus two beaten exorcists, one traitorous Noah and a golden golem stepped out of the room and the pristine white gate closed for the last time on their lives. It shut with an unsteady clink and for the remaining few seconds of its existence, the room sat with mild contentment. A few of the papers littering the floor fluttered at the sudden movement and walls echoed with the remnants of Neah's song. A picture had come loose from the wall and slowly glided and spun as gravity compelled it down towards the cluttered white floor.

A boom resounded through the room a moment later which slowly spread throughout the rest of the Ark as a giant flash of light seemed to implode from within the piano. The picture, the one that had the four friends laughing and smiling in a moment of captured happiness, never made it to the ground. As the light died down, the once decorated room had been become clean, white and bare, completely stripped of any trace of the young boy who had lived and died for it. An unforeseen consequence of the curse which would keep it bound to Edo for the next thirty or so years.

And so Noah's Ark remained like this for a very long time as it stepped out of this story for good.

The secret room of the 14th sat smugly as the Earl discovered what had happened to his precious Ark and listened as the demon man spent a good long while cursing Neah's name up and down as he tried to think of a new way to mobilize his armies. It sat quietly in silent mourning as one after another its young charges died. It observed impassively the years without a trace of aging as time slowly passed, patiently waiting for its new Master to come and make use of it.

And then one day, on a day just like all the others before it, he came.

He was shorter than the Ark remembered, his hair had turned a curious color of white with a ghastly scar on his face and he held himself so differently than Master Neah had. But the Ark recognized the look of desperate protection in the young boy's eyes and recognized his Master hidden peacefully below the surface. And so eventually the boy who, at the same time, was and was not Neah Walker began to play the tune had been etched into the Ark's very being. And when the boy did play, his Innocence arm humming lightly with piano's melody at odds with his emerging Noah's dark matter, the Ark relived its last moments conveying all the love, the sadness and the sacrifice those dirty, ragged children had expressed on that day oh so long ago.

But Allen Walker's story is a long way down the road and for now the true heart of Noah's Ark would remain alone in the stark white room, listening to the echoes of lives long past, waiting for the freedom it craved. One day Noah's Ark would fly again, heralded by yet another young man with a mission.

Not now.

But soon.

**DGMDGMDGM**

_They're late,_ Mana Walker thought borderline hysterically as he nervously paced outside his dilapidated tent in an inconsequential town somewhere between Liverpool and Manchester. _Neah was supposed to pick up friends up and come straight back here, so what was taking so goddamn long? _Mana didn't want to think about what might have held them up or what might be going on or what might be happening to Neah this very second while he stood here waiting. He lit another cigarette.

Dammit he was almost out, didn't he just buy this pack this morning?

The smoke did little to calm his ever fraying nerves as he stopped his pacing. Jesus, he was going to have a coronary if he kept this up much longer or just go frigging insane. He had three bags filled to the brim with everything they might ever possibly need while on the run. Who knew if they would have a chance to go into a town anytime soon? Wasn't much help if they didn't come. Mana took another deep drag.

He checked his watch again in an agitated matter that, unbeknownst to him, almost identically imitated his brother about twelve hours before. It was funny how things worked out like that. It was just about noon; Neah had come to see him at about five after eight this morning telling him to get enough supplies and to be ready within an hour or two. True, Neah had said that they would most likely be late, unforeseen trouble and such, but still as Mana sat in the warm June air, he was very, very frightened. He had seen was Akuma could do and he had seen what his brother was capable of.

What if one of those Noah monsters or even that damnable Earl himself had gotten ahold of them first? What would he do then? Would he stand out here in the tepid air smoking cigarettes like it held all of life's answers for the rest of his time waiting for children who would never come? Mana frowned and realized that he just might do that. A cackling sound and the white gate he had been anxiously awaiting for the last few hours had appeared behind him, somewhere to his left. The sigh of relief resounded through his whole body and he jerkily let the cigarette fall from his mouth as he made his way over to the kids.

The first thing he noticed was that they were dirty, bloody and wounded. He then realized that he didn't care, they were here and they were alive and everything else could be dealt with in time. He reached his arms out towards his brother and pulled him into a tight hug, relishing the feel of Neah's skinny, little body beneath him and gripping his fist into his curly black hair. The little golden machine his brother and Marian had made sat on Neah's shoulder, its tail digging through the material of Mana's shirt. He knew they were in hurry, but this-they had time for this. He pulled back.

"Sorry 'bout that. You just about scared me half to death and I was-was" Neah smiled, but it wasn't his normal smile. It was strained at the sides and Mana noticed how tired and old Neah looked in that moment. Mana ran his hand through his brother's hair in concern. There was something wrong here. There was something about this scene he was missing, but what? What the hell had happened to them?

"Maria's dead." Neah said sullenly looking up at him with an unrestrained sadness. "It's just us, we couldn't-couldn't save her." Mana looked up and realized for the first time that the cheerful, tall woman was absent. In his delight to see Neah, Mana honestly hadn't noticed. Mana felt… sad. He couldn't say he knew her all that well, hell he didn't really know any of his brother's friends, but she had been a fantastic woman and he knew how much she had meant to Neah. He leaned his forehead down onto his brother's. Another life claimed in this horrible war and another loved one gone forever from Neah's life.

How much more of this could he take, Mana wondered, before Neah lost all hope?

"I'm sorry Neah, I-I don't know what else to say except that I'm so sorry." Neah turned his head, perhaps so his big brother wouldn't have to see such a shamefully teary expression on his face. _Oh Neah, _Mana whispered in his head, _haven't you learned by now that it's okay to cry? _

"We, um we need to go, as in right now. The Ark is disabled and they'll have a harder time finding me, but we still need to get away as fast as we can. But um before we go can we-can we light a candle for her?" Same old Neah, Mana smiled and reached to give his messy hair a friendly ruffle. The machine, Tim he remembered, flapped its wings causing Mana to withdraw his affections.

"Of course, of course. I've got everything ready so-"

"Wait um," Neah paused, as if wondering if he should say anything further. "We need to probably bandage up Lizzy's arm better and I really think Cross should lie down for a minute. Do you have an antiseptic we could use on Lizzy's arm?"

"I've got some of dad's old bourbon." Neah smirked; it looked out of place on his haggard face.

"I'm sure he gave that to you with his blessings." Mana shrugged relieved to see a little of the old Neah back, the hopeless, faded expression had begun to frighten him.

"Well it's not like dad was using it anyway."

"Neah, I'm fine, we don't have time for this, we have to keep moving." Said Marian stepping forward and placing on Neah's shoulder. As Neah indicated, he stumbled and his hand was shaking a little. Neah gave him a dry look of incredulity. "I'm serious Neah we don't have time to be fucking around. We'll take a minute, properly set Lizzy's arm and then we have got to go."

"We need to check both of you out; I will not have gone to all this trouble just to have the two of you die of infection or something." Marian growled a little in frustration.

"It won't really matter either way if the Earl catches up to us. Disabling the Ark will only stop him for so long Neah, you should know that better than anyone. He's probably got his Noah and Akuma army coming straight toward us as we speak and you expect us to take it lying down?" Neah turned and said something indistinguishable causing his friend to sigh angrily. "Neah I can't hear y-"

"I won't lose you guys like I lost Maria. We have five minutes to get you cleaned up, if we can't take that then what use is there running?" Marian looked like he was going to argue some more. "You know you're just wasting time standing here fighting me, we could get you bandaged and be on the road by the time you finish arguing." After a tense few seconds, the red head held up his hands in surrender.

"Alright, five minutes. Mana could you get that bourbon out for Lizzy, it's not perfect, but it will stop any infection for the moment, we should also re-set that arm. As for me, I think I'll take some of that bourbon too, but in the more traditional sense." Marian said, rubbing on of his eyes with his palm. Mana frowned; the poor boy looked utterly exhausted. A good night's sleep would do him a world of good, but Marian was right, there simply wasn't time. Mana nodded stiffly and helped the young lady into his tent while Cross stumbled along not accepting, but also not denying Neah's assistance which more than anything else proved that he was worse off than he claimed.

After settling the two kids, Mana grabbed his alcohol and couldn't help but smile fondly. He had swiped it from his parent's liquor cabinet last time he'd been at his house. It was a gorgeous, expensive bottle and he had originally taken it out of spite, but with all the recent stresses, he had finally found better uses for it. It was a little less than three quarters full; it should be enough for the two of them. He couldn't help the smile. Really, he couldn't think of a more fitting way to use said liquor, the first and last thing his parents would ever do to help Neah.

"Will this really help your head?" Mana asked; cautiously handing the bottle to the boy, Marian smirked.

"Probably not, in fact, I'm pretty sure it will make it worse. But at the moment, I'm willing to sell my soul to alleviate this goddamn headache." Marian said bitterly, taking a quick gulp before Neah roughly grabbed it from his hands. Neah played with the bottle all the while glaring at his friend.

"I read somewhere that one is more prone to a secondary concussion if you've had one recently." Neah eyed his friend with a touch more severity. "It's only been about five or six months since your last head injury right? If you push yourself too hard you may cause permanent damage." Marian scoffed and reached again for the bottle.

"Shut the hell up Neah, now is certainly not the time to be worrying about that. If I die it's gonna be because we're moving too damn slow, not because I hit my head a long time ago." _Boys will be boys,_ Mana thought with disturbed amusement as he watched the two friends argue, not that he was really complaining. They were only arguing because they cared. Mana took a hesitant seat next to Elizabeth who was sitting quietly on the side, clearly uncomfortable with her arm, but unwilling to say anything about it. Goodness these kids, what was he going to do with them? He gently held out his hand to her which contained some fresh bandages and medicinal tape.

"May I?" he questioned lightly, gesturing to her arm. He'd been stockpiling medical supplies for the last few years specifically for this type of event, despite this; he had always secretly hoped he'd never have to use it. She gave him a smile that belonged on the face of an angel, not a bloodied, weary warrior.

"Really Mana, I'm fine-"

"Elizabeth" he said slowly, beckoning her with his free hand, "your arm." She smiled warily and with her other hand, started to undo the bloody sling she had around her right shoulder.

"I kind of set it in place back at headquarters, but I'm not sure how accurate it is. Really, I'm sure it'll be fine if you just bandage it again." Mana only barely stifled the horrified grimace upon seeing the gruesome wound. Now he wasn't a doctor or anything, but Mana was pretty sure her arm anything but 'fine'. Mana hadn't dared ask how the kids had acquired these injuries, but he could tell that this had been a bad snap from the darkening of the skin surrounding the exposed bone. He bit his lip; medicine was getting better, but still not that good. He suspected that even if they got her to a proper hospital immediately, she would never regain full use of that arm, if they would even be able to save it at all.

He slowly undid the sordid, dirty cloth she had used as a bandage, not unaware of her muffled gasps of pain but ignoring it all the same. He prodded the wound gently noting that most of the tissue was already dead. He needed to disinfect and try and replace the bone as accurately as possible. He looked up at her, trying to wipe the ever mounting anxiety off of his face, and smiled gently.

"Now this is going to hurt love, okay, but I need to do this to prevent infection alright? Can you be strong just a little while longer?" He said taking the bottle from Neah who slid next to his lady friend, slipping his hand around her shoulder. She straightened herself and nodded, silently preparing for the worst. Pouring the burning liquid onto her wound, she closed her eyes and jerked her head back in controlled pain. Neah rubbed her shoulder and whispered in her ear as Mana started bandaging. She choked down a cry of pain and leaned against Neah's shoulder, her face mere centimeters from his. Neah stroked her hair gently as he kissed the spot just between her eyes and told her to be brave and that he loved her.

Mana smiled lightly as he tightly dressed her wound, taking care to set the bone in approximately the right place. Look at how far they had come, look at little Neah and all he had become. He spared a discrete glance up at his little brother who had somehow grown taller without him noticing, Neah was now almost as tall as himself now. Mana thought of the Neah of old, the kid who would squeak with fear at every unfamiliar thing on road the while travelling, the boy who would come home from the Earl with absolute terror in eyes, the young man who had childishly fought with his best friend for the affections of a girl.

As he slowly taped up the girl's arm and retied the sling he realized that Neah had gone and grown up on him while his back was turned, it hadn't happened all at once and it certainly hadn't been easy, but his little brother had undeniably become a man without him noticing. It made Mana proud to see how well Neah had turned out under his less than orthodox parenting methods. But in reality he hadn't done much, he smirked, everything had been all Neah.

It was Neah who had decided to come on the road with him, to travel and learn.

Neah who had gone to the Earl's and worked against every odd there was to maintain his soul.

Neah who abandoned the secure, luxurious life of a Noah in order to fight for the world he believed in against the demon who had offered him every temptation.

It had been Neah who had formed such a strong bond with these kids, these crazy, selfless, exorcists that Mana watched his brother stand tall, ready to die for them.

_Yes, Neah's done pretty well for himself,_ Mana thought stepping back and allowing Marian to sit on Lizzy's other side, stroking her shaking right hand lovingly. Deciding to give the children a moment alone, he stepped outside the tent and lit his last cigarette. He watched the smoke blow away with the breeze as he looked around at the other tents. He wondered if he would ever make it back to the circus or if this crazy crusade would kill him as well. He was still mulling over this when his cigarette was nothing more than a pleasant memory and Neah stepped outside to join him with Tim fluttering next to him.

"You okay?" Mana asked looking at him up and down, he'd been so concerned with the obvious injuries of the other two that he hadn't had a chance to check out his brother. Neah tugged awkwardly on his strange white outfit which was now stained dark brown from dried blood.

"I'll live." He shifted uncomfortably under Mana's intense gaze. "It's not all mine you know, I um… I had to kill a few Noah to get out of there." Mana choked, killed, as in-as in _killed_. Neah looked away in shame as Mana tried to fit this information into his new reality. Neah had killed a person, an evil, godforsaken Noah, but a living person none the less. He couldn't imagine Neah, his sweet, little Neah, hurting so much as a fly. God what had this war done to his brother? What had it forced him to do? Neah looked down and played nervously with his hands.

"I-I know, I feel the same way, but they… they were evil Mana. They killed humans, innocent humans and I-I had to stop them." Neah looked over at him with wide, fearful eyes and Mana felt a little better despite himself. If Neah could still look like that then the war hadn't completely taken him yet. Mana leaned forward and put an arm around his brother's shoulder and brushed his lips in his hairline.

"You don't need to explain to me Neah. You did what you had to do to save yourself and your friends and that's all that matters to me." Neah let his shoulders drop, relaxing in grip like he had so many times before. Whenever the world got too rough or too difficult, Neah could always seek shelter in his older brother's comforting embrace. Tim flew overhead, saddened to have lost his perch.

"I-I couldn't save Maria or the countless other exorcists or even prevent Lizzy or Cross's injuries. Some savior I am, no matter what I do the people I love just keep dying." Mana sighed.

"You're not invincible Neah, you bleed and you feel pain, you fall down and occasionally you fail. It doesn't make you a bad person, it just makes you human."

"Human," Neah whispered sadly. "So many times I've wished to be human, to be just like everyone else and now when I need my powers the most, I'm suddenly mortal again." Mana chuckled a little, sensing the light nature in his comment. He knew his brother well enough and he could see that his words had comforted him, even if only a little. It was nice and quiet as the gloomy English sun shone down on the two brothers.

"Mana." Neah stated dreamily as he clung to Mana's chest. "Thank you, for everything. I couldn't have done this without you."

"That's what big brothers are for." Mana replied, lightly ruffling his hair; this was how it should be. He wished they could stay here forever; here where he could hold his brother tightly to his chest and not let him go. He would keep him safe here, protect him from the outside world and make sure he never ever left his side. But all good things must come to an end and after a few moments of embracing, Neah cleared his throat.

"Well um we really do need to get going, but we would attract some severely unwanted attention as dirty and bloody as we are now. Is there any chance-" Neah said suddenly pulling back with a light but serious look on his face. Mana nodded back, allowing Neah to slip out of his embrace.

"On it, I got some clothes holed away in the back for you guys. They should be about your size." Neah smiled and patted him warmly on the back.

"Geez, do you think of everything?" Mana just shrugged, it was the least he could do after all.

"I got to with you all crazy kids running around. But everything else is ready, you guys get dressed and we'll hit the road. There's a train leaving about three miles from here in about an hour, we could probably make it if we hurry." Mana smiled and looked up at the sun, a light expression his face. "It's kind of like old times brother; you know, you and me against the world, riding the trains, begging for food." He turned to Neah and his smile vanished. Neah was also looking up at the sun, but the lines around his eyes and the grim expression had returned.

"Yeah, but the stakes are higher this time, this time we have a lot more to worry about than finding a place to sleep and eat." Neah turned and the sun bounced the shadows off his face in the most menacing way. "Now we have all of hell of on heels. From here on out, it's just us and them." Mana tried to smile and failed. _Us and them huh?_ Mana thought grimly, _God I wish we had better odds than that._

**DGMDGMDGMDGMDGMDGMDGMDGMDGM**

"WHERE IS HE!" The Earl shouted, his rage resounding through the quiet country. His remaining Noah -_That son of bitch had robbed him of not one, but three of his pawns er children-_ shrunk back against the wall and for once he paid them no heed. These pathetic excuses for Noah couldn't even find their runaway brother and his sniffling human friends. _Oh brother how could you, how could you do th-_

"WHY AREN'T YOU OUT FINDING HIM!" He demanded, throwing a chair against a wall. It smashed into pieces with a decisive crack. It didn't matter, nothing mattered anymore. All he could think was that traitorous bastard had been smiling at him without the slightest hint of shame on his face in his study mere hours ago. Hours ago he had trusted his brother with everything in this world and still that boy had betrayed him, now when the Earl had needed him the most.

_And for what?_ He thought spitefully. Humans? And not just any humans, he growled, Neah had to leave him for writhing, insignificant exorcists! When the Earl got his hands on that skinny brat he would, he would… he paused. He would what? Denis raised his finger hesitantly. His Noah should be out crushing the Order and here they were cowering and all because of that filthy, slimy, no good-

"W-we have no idea where to even begin looking. By disabling the Ark, Neah made it a lot harder for us to track him, even if we knew where he was, we wouldn't be able to get there very fast with only the Akuma." The Earl's sneer returned. The Ark, he had almost forgotten about what that-that _boy_ had done to his Ark. How _dare_ that impious little brat take his Ark away from him? He had given that little upstart permission to use the Ark as he pleased and instead he breaks the damned thing down, preventing it from leaving this godforsaken country.

The Earl had originally thought the curse was an annoying, but temporary, inconvenience, but the Skulls had thus far been unable to disable the lock the 14th had put on his Ark. They kept insisting they would have it down soon, but the Earl knew better. He knew how smart and how thorough Neah was, if the 14th didn't want the Ark leaving Japan, then in Edo it would remain until the 14th decided to release it. So not only were they unable to track Neah and his crew, but the 14th had essentially stranded them here in Japan, preventing them from using the Ark against him or the Order.

That devious, wicked, clever bastard.

"Well we know where he's going; he's going to get his brother the clown. I'm sure they've already left by now, but without the Ark they won't get very far. I say we go and tear all of England apart to find that little rat bastard and show him what a real Noah can do. Goddamn fucking traitor is going to feel a hurt unimaginable when I'm through with him." Amora said flipping her hair and sneering to show off her canines in a way that boasted instability as much as ferocity.

"You will not lay a hand on him!" The Earl shouted suddenly, emotion dripping heavily from his words. The others stopped and stared at him with identical looks of fear and astonishment. He pursed his lips and tried to recover as best he could. "I want that traitor brought before me as alive as you can catch him; I want to punish him myself, to make sure he knows the error of his ways before he meets his horrific and untimely demise." They all nodded shakily, still fearing his volatile temper; at this point he was sure they'd agree to a family picnic if they thought he'd stop screaming.

Sheep, they were all goddamned sheep… well not Neah. Neah had never been so dependent.

The Earl was angry, unbelievably, incredibly angry. He wanted to tear that boy into pieces and show him what happens to those who defy the Millennium Earl, to cause the same anguish and pain and betrayal that the Earl felt tearing at his own heart… and still the thought of his brother out there on the run, the thought of him cold, alone and scared, the thought of him _dying,_ well it hurt him like he'd never been hurt before.

_Why did you have to do this brother, why did you have to make me do this? _The Earl thought, his sadness almost overwhelming his anger, but that was for later, later when he was alone and the 14th was nothing but a dead memory. He stared down at his remaining Noah. The two boys, the Noah who had neither angered nor impressed him, were leaning against the wall. He supposed they were expendable, if anything, he reasoned, fighting them would slow Neah down. He would send them first to tire Neah out for the final strike delivered by the others.

Edmund, Amora and Denis sat hunched on the floor looking wary of his outbursts, but also angry and anxious. They were probably his best fighters; he would send them out once Neah was weaker and had expended most of his energy. Daniel was praying on his knees, he would really be of no use and frankly the Earl thought he would probably be the next one to die. No real loss, maybe the next reincarnation would be better.

Rhode was heartbroken, leaning against the wall with a despondent look on her face. He couldn't ask her to go and kill the brother whom she had loved so much.

Shohei and Saoirse were lying in each other's arms on the floor. They worked well as a team; he would keep the two of them together here where they would best serve him. The Earl didn't want to send all of the Noah after the 14th, not for the boy's benefit because he_ certainly_ wasn't worried about Neah's safety. No, he just wanted to minimize his casualties. He knew how powerful Neah could be when he wanted, if Neah was prepared to kill three Noah then he was prepared to kill them all. A small, very small, part of him was proud of his brother to be able to bring down such fearsome opponents; he of course did not express these feelings to the others. They just wouldn't understand.

"Lennie, Cain," the two straightened up. "I want you all to go first. You should be able to track down where they're running to. You can separate if you must to cover more ground. Your goal is to find them and keep them where they are and wear them down. Do whatever you must, kill humans, burn towns, I don't care if you do a goddamned polka, just keep them in place until reinforcements arrive." They nodded and were off. He doubted very much he would see them again, but found he didn't care all that much, all that mattered now was capturing Neah. He turned to Denis, Amora and Edmund.

"You three, take anything you wish, Akuma, weapons, anything at all and you kill those exorcists that stole your brother and you kill them good and slow and in front of Neah if at all possible." He took a breath. "Then you capture Neah and drag his treacherous ass back here where he will face judgment unparalleled. The rest of you will remain here with me." Denis brought a hand to wipe away some dead exorcist's blood from his face.

He had been in Asia when Neah's betrayal became evident and the Earl had called them all back. The Earl thanked somebody that he'd been able to get them all back before _that person_ had disabled the Ark or else they'd have been even worse off. All of the Noah were dirty and covered in the blood of felled exorcists, each looking shocked for various reasons that their youngest brother had turned traitor.

Denis especially seemed hurt and confused. He knew the French Noah had been tutoring Neah and he could only imagine what a shock it was to have the little brother he had been fond of betray him. But one thing that was lucky was that other than Rhode -_and himself-_ none of the other Noah really much cared for Neah, there would be no chance of their feelings getting in the way of their capturing him.

It was the reason he was sending his Noah out instead of getting the son of a bitch himself.

"Why don't we just continue our attacks on the Order? You know _mon ren_-uh Neah's fondness for humans, instead of us running all over God's creation trying to find him; we can make him come to us. It would save a lot of time and eff-" The Earl brought his hand down on the blonde boy's head with a resounding smack. Denis looked up at him, clutching his bruised head with worry and confusion.

The others took a step back as the Earl huffed over Denis. How could he say such a thing? How could Denis expect him to break his promise to Neah? Except…Neah had already betrayed him and the Earl owed him nothing. He stopped and thought. Why _had_ he hit Denis? It was a perfectly reasonable, if not the most logical course of action to exploit Neah's obvious weakness in such a way. But-but…

"I made a deal with Neah; a chance to face him one on one in exchange for the Order's ensured safety. It was a deal made between _men_-" Denis flinched, "you wouldn't understand." The others found better places to look than his eyes and Denis bowed his head in shame.

"But he's not a man, my Lord, he's a traitor." Amora spat out haughtily. "He doesn't deserve any special treatment from us; the only thing he deserves is a pitiless, painful death." He turned to glare at her. She-they just didn't understand.

Neah was his_ brother_; he cared for that bastard more than he had ever cared for any one of his Noah. There was something about Neah that made the Earl want him by his side always. He couldn't-couldn't imagine lying to him and doing something so underhanded. Traitor or not… The Earl still loved him and he would not have his brother treated so disrespectfully, like common garbage.

Neah would die, but deserved that at the very least.

"I don't go back on my word darling." He said in an icy tone that had all of them cowering again. "Would you like if I went back on my word all the time? If I skipped out on dinner? If I said that I loved you one minute and then killed you the next? Wouldn't that make me as bad as him?" silence "WOULDN'T IT!" they hastily whispered their approval. He sneered down at them in disgust.

Pathetic.

His brother may have been a cursed traitor, who deserved death, but at least he had _spirit_, he had _audacity_, he had a _motivated_ and _cunning_ personality that the Earl couldn't help but be drawn to… Neah Walker just had this _shine_ about him that he couldn't resist. _But it was too late for that now,_ he thought sadly. Neah had betrayed him for the exorcists; his brother would not be returning home, the Earl could no longer count on his quiet wisdom, never again would he see that easy smile to see him through a hard day. He would make his brother's death as quick and painless as possible, he may have been a traitor like Amora said, but he deserved to die with dignity. He deserved to die like a man. To die…

_But this isn't the end,_ he reminded himself quickly, _the 14th will come back again soon enough_. The Earl vowed that the next time around, in the next reincarnation of the 14th Noah, he would not be so easy on his brother. He would keep him close; destroy any human relations he might have to prevent another catastrophe like this from happening again. Neah would come back, it could be ten, twenty even thirty years from now, but he would live again and when that time came, he would not betray him and the 14th would be by his side always. _Yes,_ he thought, _I'll wait forever if I must, but someday Neah, you will be mine again._

He took a breath and straightened his coat as he observed his Noah. Well, there was no need to yell at the children any more, they were silly and foolish, but they would serve their purposes. Hadn't it been Neah after all who had once said that the Noah weren't being utilized properly? Maybe now that the war was going to continue on a little while longer, he would take his brother's advice and bring them out a little more. They were so terribly weak and maybe if he drew them into more fights, they would gain an insatiable hatred of exorcists so that no other Noah would ever love them.

_Yes, that would work. Thank you Neah, even now you continue to help me._

"Alright now, that's enough of that. Now be off, they can run but they won't be getting far. And remember, I don't mind if you rough him up a little, but I want him here alive. Do you hear me? Alive." The three nodded and stood up, Denis still rubbing his head. Denis didn't have Neah's brains or charm or brilliance, but he hadn't deserved such treatment. The Earl patted his shoulder. "I do apologize Denis; this is quite an emotional time for all of us and with you saying such silly ideas..." Denis averted his eyes submissively. Yes, next time he would do better, next time his Noah would be invincible and then nothing, not even the Black Order, could pull them away from him.

"No, I'm sorry my Lord. You were right, he is-was family, this is something that needs to be dealt with personally." Denis looked up at him with a dark glint in his eyes. "He will pay for what he did, I can assure you that. We'll bring him back and he will pay." The Earl nodded thoughtfully and patted Denis affectionately. He wasn't Neah, but he was loyal and that had to count for something.

"Be safe pet and for what it's worth, I am sorry." Denis and the others nodded before running to prepare for their mission. He watched their retreating forms and without any more children to yell at, his thoughts wandered reluctantly back to Neah.

_Brother,_ he whispered sadly, _what are you doing right now? I wonder if you are as saddened as I by this turn of events?_

"-ord, my Lord?" he looked down at Saoirse's young, ingenuous face. "Are you alright?" she questioned, clutching tightly onto Shohei's hand. He straightened up; he had to be strong for the others. He couldn't coddle them anymore. Neah had shown him what happened when he was too lenient with his Noah. He had to be tough on them, for them, to make sure that they would never betray him again. To make sure that he wouldn't have another generation of weak, passive children. To make sure that no other Noah thought of abandoning him for the exorcists.

The thought got his blood boiling all over again. He wondered just how much the Order had known about Neah, worked with him. He thought of the nightly attack a few weeks ago, undoubtedly spoiled by Neah, and that smooth lie of theirs. Well they thought they could pluck his Noah from him did they? He would show them, it was personal now. Those exorcists wanted war and he sure as hell was going to give it to them.

"I'm fine. Once your _brother_ is captured I want all of you to gather in _the room_. There I will demonstrate what happens to all who disobey me." The young girl bit her lip in fright. Too bad, he couldn't afford to be nice any longer. He would make sure no one betrayed him again. "I want the rest of you to guard this place with your lives. I'm not sure what information that traitor gave to the exorcists, but there's a chance they may come here. However, should your siblings fail I may send you after Ne-after the 14th. I want you all to be prepared for such an occurrence."

"Do you really think he could defeat all five of the Noah you sent out?" Shohei asked quietly as he pulled Saoirse a little closer. The Earl thought of Neah's bloody and solemn face, gazing into the eyes of that Akuma. It was the face of a man who was willing to do anything and everything to protect the things he believed in. It was a face worth taking seriously. He so wanted to avoid a war with Neah, but that damned fool was set on it, so they had to be prepared for everything.

"I'm not sure, but I'd rather be over than underprepared. Now be off, go to you duties." He held out his hand, "except you Rhode dear, I want you to stay here with me." Rhode hadn't moved and instead lowered her thin body until she was sitting on the ground. He stood next to her, watching the other three scamper off to their assigned tasks. He didn't expect much of them, but it was better than no security right? He hovered over Rhode as she hugged her knees tightly.

"Why would he leave us my Lord? Wasn't he happy here, didn't he like us?" Rhode asked looking up at him with genuine loss and sadness. Of all the other Noah, Rhode had seen what Neah had been capable and had fallen in love with his smooth cadence and easy ways just as he had. The others had scoffed his gentle ways as weakness, unable to see his hidden radiance. He gave her a gentle pat on the head knowing that it did nothing to alleviate the pain.

"I don't know my dear, but it's not your fault. I suspect your brother became tainted on one of his early missions, those damn exorcists have probably been manipulating him this whole time." He said, trying to keep the rage from his voice, now was not the time to be angry, not when his precious Rhode was suffering so. She leaned her cheek against the wall and stared at nothing in particular.

"No, I don't think so. I've seen the way he looks at us. And I've seen the way he looks at them, people I mean. He didn't- doesn't belong here; he belongs out there with them, with the exorcists. He loves them my Lord, he loves them far more than he ever loved us." The Earl frowned; no he couldn't have her, any of them, thinking such things. He now saw how tenuous his hold on the Noah were, he couldn't have any of them thinking that escape from him was an option.

He would never lose another Noah to the exorcists, never again.

"Now, now dear, I'm sure that's not true. Your brother was corrupted is all, we'll get through this little incident and he'll back with us before you know it." He leaned down and helped her off the ground. "Now dear, it's been a long trying day for you, why don't you go onto bed…"

"But the others-"

"Will be just fine without you, they're big Noah after all. You just go to bed and get your rest and when you wake up; all of this unpleasantness will be over, just as fleeting as one of your dreams, alright?" She looked down and nodded slowly and started toward her room, one shoulder languidly pressed against the wall.

"I miss him my Lord," she said quietly. "But no matter you do or say, Neah won't come back to us. He was never meant to be one of us. Please, please just let's just get this over with and-and forget all about him. For his sake, don't force him to come back, no matter how many reincarnations he goes through, he won't ever be happy here. It goes against his nature. So please, if you care for him like I do, let him go." With nothing more to say, she disappeared around the corner leaving the Millennium Earl alone for the first time since he'd spoken to Neah.

This was a dangerous situation he had here, he had to reassert his authority and convince his remaining Noah that they should remain with him. He never thought he would have to deal with this. Never had a Noah shown any signs of betrayal. It hurt and enraged him that of all the Noah to turn on him, it had to be the one he loved and trusted the most. But dammit did he love him.

Neah Walker had a one of a kind soul, something so special that the Earl had only begun to understand its depth. He wanted him, he _needed _him on his side and he would kill him before he let any exorcists get their hands on his Neah. He just had to try harder next time. He would keep an eye out for the 14th's next reincarnation, get him young and make sure the little bastard stayed by his side for all eternity.

He would not just let him go, the 14th was **his **and his alone, mind, body and soul and in due time he intended to collect what was rightfully his.

The Earl banged his fist into the wall, once again cursing those exorcists for their evil, sneaky ways. How dare they go to such lowly methods, to take his beloved Noah away from him? Well he wouldn't make it easy for them, not now and not ever again. This cold war was over, he was going to crush those soulless exorcists for their misdeeds and they would never again know peace. If they thought the last few months had been hard, they hadn't seen anything yet.

_Well Neah,_ he thought, _you've just given me just cause to end this war, another little present you have inadvertently laid before me._

He frowned and stalked off to his study _not_ thinking of his youngest Noah, _not_ thinking of how much he would miss the traitorous, murdering son of a bitch and most certainly _not_ wishing his children would fail just so Neah could live a little longer. He had a war to win and a world to rule, he couldn't afford to be held down by such cumbersome emotions. But still… he looked down the empty hallway and wondered just what the end of the world would bring him with no one to share it with.

**DGMDGMDGMDGMDGMDGMDGMDGMDGM**

Cross folded his arms as they stepped off of the train and entered a crowd and for an exorcist, a crowd was not a happy place to be. They were near Nottingham and not nearly far enough away for his taste. They had to keep moving, the Noah and the Earl could be upon them at any minute, they had to move faster dammit.

Neah had already fought one of them earlier in the day, a sad and skinny little Noah who made Neah look masculine. Needless to say that between Neah's panicked desperation and the Noah's arrogance; it had been a fairly quick fight. He had tried to frighten Neah was a series of complicated moves, but in the end, Neah just put a hole in his chest. Cross had managed to distract Lizzy while Neah er… finished the job.

Pity really.

Mana had been getting the tickets and had thus missed the day's most unimpressive fight. But weakling or not, the Noah were clearly on their trail and it worried him to no end. Though Neah had shrugged it off with a weary smile once they were safe on the train, Cross could see the effects of the fights starting to show on his friend's body. Quick or not, the Noah kid, Lennie he thinks Neah said his name was, still put up a heluva fight. It made Cross's body wince in pain just watching the punishment Neah took out there from the attacks of a scrawny kid. How the hell would they fare against one of the more vicious, well-trained Noah?

Cross tried not to look scared, but he couldn't help pulling down the cap covering his conspicuous red hair and scanning every section of the station. They couldn't afford to relax or be leisurely, every move had to count. He slung an arm around Lizzy's waist to help support her, she probably scared to death right now, but she was also swaying in a way he didn't much care for. He really wished he could get her to the hospital, get that arm and all her other various wounds treated. God she was looking really bad.

"Where are we heading?" Mana asked quietly, trying hard not to look as frightened as he felt. Cross had to admire the guy, they were on a one way ticket to hell and he still managed to keep it together. Neah may have gotten his strangeness from his brother, but he also got his strength.

Neah jerkily pulled the heavy jacket tighter around him, though he must be warm in the damn thing he needed it not only to hide the recently acquired bloodstains but Tim as well who was fluttering anxiously in his pocket. They didn't need to draw any attention to themselves right now and bloodied clothes and flying machines had a habit of being attention grabbing. He watched as Neah also did a quick survey of the people and Cross was relieved to see him relax. That was one nice thing about Neah; at least with him he could sense the Akuma and Noah before they attacked.

"We have to get out of England, out of Europe if at all possible. We need to find some place to hide out for a while, someplace where we can regroup and decide our next course of action." Neah ran a hand through his hair and grimaced when it came back covered with dried blood. "I'm sure we could all use a bath as well. We need to heal all of our wounds and prepare ourselves. We can't give the Earl enough time to launch a real attack, but we will die if we try to fight them now." So with that cheerful thought in mind they all stared at the ground.

"So where exactly is this miraculous hideout?" Cross asked, pulling Lizzy against him. She sighed and leaned her head on his shoulder, panting a little from the exertion the long walk had caused her. Neah huffed and wearily fell onto a nearby bench; Mana sat next to him in concern and rubbed his brother's back. Cross could only imagine how worn down his friend was, it was kind of scary.

He'd always thought of Neah as immortal or the closest thing to it, to see him so physically exhausted reminded him just how human his friend really was. Even that pathetic fight a few moments ago would have killed him, one of the Order's best, in seconds. Neah was losing his strength and vigor with each battle and there was still eight Noah and the Earl left. Jesus, did they have _any_ chance at winning?

"We're here just outside Nottingham." Neah said, pulling out a map Cross didn't know he'd had and pointing to their location. He smirked despite himself; he'd probably snagged it from some unwitting passenger, some habits died hard he supposed.

"And we should get down here to London to catch a boat out of England." He said heavily, there were only so many trains in the less industrial parts of the country. It would take them at least a day or two to make their way back down to London. Did they even have enough time for that? The Noah were rapidly approaching and time was indeed precious. Mana broke the gloomy tension by slapping his thighs and standing up dramatically.

"Well, we'd better get started then, but before that, I think we all need to take a little break and get some food. I don't know about all of you, but I am starving so let's lose the sad faces and get something to eat." After a minute, Mana's faced morphed into one of wary confusion. Well it was no wonder; Cross could only imagine what their faces looked like at that moment.

Maria.

God he'd had no idea how much he would miss her: her cheerful exuberance, the way she could lighten every mood, the gentle way she could help you out with just a smile and a few kind words. And after what he had been forced to do to such a beautiful girl... _No, don't go there, not now,_ he thought bitterly. They'd been too busy running to really think about what they had lost already to this war and what more they stood to lose. Lizzy nuzzled his shoulder and he gripped her tightly. Never again, never again would he lose a friend like that. He promised.

"Mana-Mana is right. It's almost dark, we can take a few minutes and have something to eat and maybe find some real antiseptic for Lizzy." Neah said, casting a worried glance in her direction. Cross would agree with that, she was doing worse and he feared that despite their efforts, she may have gotten an infection. Lizzy smiled wearily through her wan face, she was trying so hard and it was almost painful to watch.

"I'm fine really, just a little tired is all, a little food and rest and I'll be good as new."

"What about tonight?" Cross asked, looking down at Lizzy and fiddling with her loose hair. It was getting colder as the sun started to set and yet she felt pretty warm. "It is getting dark out. Maybe-maybe we should think of finding a place to, you know, stay the night."

"I thought you were the one who said we should keep moving?" Neah asked, folding his arms. Cross closed his eyes, yes dammit they had to. They couldn't-they couldn't be stopping now. But Lizzy, oh Lizzy was looking so bad and he was so afraid that she would die if they pushed her any more. What would he do if he woke up on a train tomorrow and found her dead? How could he live with himself knowing that he could have saved her if only he had given her a chance to rest?

Did he sacrifice a few sacred hours to get Lizzy the help she needed and possibly damn them all or keep moving and hope that she would strong enough to survive the travel? How could he be forced to make that decision? So soon after Maria? Neah uncrossed his arms as he seemed to read Cross's thoughts. It was nice, the ability to read each other without ever saying a word. He wondered if he would ever feel that kind of connection with anyone ever again. He hoped he would never have to find out.

"Well you know a few hours might not be a bad idea." Neah said slowly, rubbing his neck nervously. "I mean, we can't keep going like this forever. A little rest to revitalize ourselves might do us a world of good in the long run." Mana nodded heartily and placed a hand on Neah's head.

"Yeah, yeah, you kids really should take a little break. I mean we've put a good distance between us and them and without your Ark thingy, they'll have a harder time finding you right?"

"Well, we haven't really gone that far and they can probably predict where we're going plus while they don't have the Ark if they get close enough they can find me via our Noah bond…"

"It's not like a short break is going to kill you or anything." Mana said cheerily before wincing, after a second he sighed and let his shoulders drop.

"Yeah sorry, but all joking aside" he said softly. "I hate seeing you kids like this. I know this is serious and I know we have to rush, but if you keep up at the rate you've been going then you'll die before the Earl ever gets near you and I-and I just don't want to see that happen." People hustled around them, completely ignoring them and blissfully unaware of the ensuing drama. "Please, for me, don't push yourself so hard. I don't want to see the three of you consumed by this war, you just-you just can't let it win or else everything you've worked for will have been for nothing." There was silence until Neah sighed and looked over at Cross with worry and indecision.

"Well, what do you think?" He asked, "Do we have a few hours to spare or should we keep going forward?" Cross leaned his cheek into Lizzy's hair, he would do just about anything to keep her safe. He would move heaven and earth to save her. But he thought back to their conversation not too long before about the nature of fate. Maybe they weren't really in control of their actions and maybe he should stop trying so damn hard to prevent destiny and instead learn to roll with it.

A few hours couldn't be _all_ that bad.

"I-I think we should rest a little bit. Some food and sleep will do us a world a good." He took a deep breath to dispel the mounting sense of foreboding swelling in his chest. He was doing this for Lizzy and for the rest of them, Mana was right, they just couldn't keep this up any more. "We'll leave early tomorrow morning; Mana and I will take turns at the watch so you two can sleep. We'll head south from there until we find another train." Neah frowned and opened his mouth to speak before Cross cut him off. "Neah you've been working way too hard. Noah or not, you need sleep too. We need you in top form when we decide to attack the Earl and sleep is the only way to regain your strength."

"Well at least let me at least take one watch." Neah sighed from the bench. "It's not like I'm going to sleep all that well anyway what with everything that's happened." Lizzy shifted and turned to look at Neah with gentle, almost playful expression on her face.

"You'll be sleeping a lot better than if you had stayed with the Earl." Neah smiled and reached for her, her hand slipping into her grasp just as easily as the first time.

"Yeah, I suppose you're right." Neah looked long and hard at Lizzy before turning his gaze to the rest of them a caring and passionate face. "I know things have been hard and they are only going to get harder, but I just want you all to know that I'm proud and honored to call you my friends and comrades and that-and that no matter what happens I-I love you all of you." He gently rubbed circles with his thumb on Lizzy's hand while Mana just smiled. Cross smirked, what a crazy bunch of people he had surrounded himself with.

"Neah, you're my friend." Cross started leaning over to put a hand on his friend's shoulder, he would die for them without a second thought, but he didn't need to say it, none of them did because they all just knew it. "But I'm sorry; I just don't like you that way. I hope we can still stay friends." Neah started chuckling and after a minute they were all laughing. Lizzy leaned against him with a radiant smile on her face and Cross was reminded again how beautiful she was, even with all the suffering she'd endured. Wasn't there a saying that a star shines brightest just before it burns out? Mana clapped Neah hard on the back, pretending not to notice the way he flinched.

"You set yourself up for that one brother, now come on, let's get some food and find a place to stay the night." They stood up, stretched and grabbed their bags, ready to keep trudging on. Lizzy finally let go of Cross, insisting that she help carry something and wandered over by Mana where he heard them lightly discuss normal things. Both he and Neah watched Lizzy walk away a little unsteadily, but walking none the less.

"Cross." Neah said softly, never taking his eyes off of her retreating form "are you sure about this?" Cross pursed his lips and brought a hand up to rub his aching head through his cap. He had no idea what he was doing and he couldn't quell the bad feeling in his gut, but they didn't have many options. They could keep going, maybe even make it to London and out of here, but they were falling apart at the seams and what would he do if he made it there but everyone else had died in the journey? Life or death, they were sticking together and that meant they needed to rest.

"Of course not, this could very well be the bad decision that kills us, but what choice do we have? Lizzy isn't going to make it much farther without sleep and real medical attention." Neah nodded slowly before standing up, Cross couldn't help but wince at the way his knees cracked, but Neah didn't seem to be bothered by it.

"Yeah I know, I trust you, you know. Lizzy's always been a little too emotional and Mana doesn't understand. You're the only one I can trust to help me make these hard decisions. I-I really appreciate it." Cross smiled at Neah's open honesty and he realized that should something happen to him Cross would miss him very much.

Well, he just had to make sure nothing happened to him, to any of them.

"Alright come on girly, let's get you some food and sleep before you fall down. I thought you were supposed to be invincible or something." He said causing Neah to smirk and trail behind their companions who were nearly out of sight by now. Once far enough away from the populous, Tim was allowed freedom from Neah's coat and snuggled onto his head seemingly not caring that it was grimy and blood stained.

"I guess I left invulnerability cape back in Edo." Neah joked casually, putting his hands in his pockets as they slowly caught up to Lizzy and Mana who were discussing shoes of all things.

"-I'm telling you, clown shoes are pretty practical. I mean maybe not for fighting monsters and such but I could walk a thousand miles in these babies" Mana proclaimed to Lizzy's unbelieving face. Jesus he was surrounded by lunatics. He smiled as Lizzy started to get into the fashionable qualities of her exorcist boots, but he wouldn't have it any other way.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Lizzy yawned, leaning back in her chair and enjoying its comforting embrace despite the fact that it was old, full of holes and covered it God knows what. She winced as the simple motion had caused a wave of pain to shoot up her arm. What was even more worrying was the fact that the pain was becoming less acute each time as it settled into dull numbness. One didn't have to be a doctor to realize that her arm was essentially dying.

She tried to hide her frown as Mana shuffled his cards in between bites of a turkey sandwich. She couldn't afford to lose an arm right now, not when she had two pistols to shoot. She wouldn't be a nuisance now, now when everyone was counting on her.

Cross had passed out on the bed about an hour ago. _So much for taking the first watch,_ she thought with a wry smile as she watched his long red hair spread out on the bed gently moving up and down with every breath he took. Timcanpy had, for once, chosen Cross over Neah and the little golem was happily asleep in the sea of red. The easy expression on his face gave Lizzy some relief that at least the stress and death couldn't reach him in his sleep.

Neah was also looking utterly exhausted but, of course being the nice guy that he was, would stay awake until everyone else decided to go to sleep. She really should rest too, but no matter how much her body ached or how heavy her eyelids felt she just couldn't bring herself to fall asleep. Instead of lying in bed pretending to sleep, she decided to stay up and watch Mana and Neah play cards. She had played a few rounds, but found that she wasn't very good at poker and was even worse with only one working arm. So she was now content to just watch the two brothers duel.

Neah raised an eyebrow studying Mana's blank face and slowly took a card from the pile as he discarded another. Even through his cards, Lizzy could see the small smirk on his face. For all the lying and scamming Neah had done over the years, one would think he'd have a better poker face. She almost laughed at the crestfallen expression on Neah's face five minutes later when Mana laid out his three aces beating Neah's full house. The score was now Mana-sixteen Neah-one, and that one win was due to the fact that Mana was so distracted helping her that he hadn't been paying attention to his own cards. She yawned again.

"Hey Liz, why don't you join Cross and Tim over there on the bed, you're the worst off of all of us. It would really make me feel better if you got some sleep. We're leaving early tomorrow remember so please sleep, for me." Neah said as he shuffled the cards sloppily, causing a few of them to spill on the table. She waved him off, watching as Mana grabbed the cards from him and shuffled them properly.

"I'm fine really, it's not like I could sleep anyways."

"Really my dear, Neah may be a terrible poker player-" Neah stuck out his tongue "but he's right, you should be resting that arm of yours. I still can't believe a town like this doesn't have a goddamned doctor, but at least we got you some better medicine than stolen liquor." She settled deeper into her chair, ignoring their justifiable concern. Truthfully if worst came to worst, she would be the first to die with her damnable handicap. She would sit there and smile and laugh at Neah's poor card playing skills all the while understanding that she probably wouldn't live to see the end of this war.

At least Maria wouldn't be alone now.

She tucked her hair behind her ears, watching Neah's eyes narrow as he watched Mana skillfully shuffle the cards. If she wanted to, she could probably go to sleep but she didn't want to miss a moment. She wanted to stay awake as long as she could, memorizing her friends' every feature.

She watched as Mana lit his fourth cigarette that night and pushed a black curl out of his face as he studied cards, thinking about how to best humiliate his brother.

Neah frowned, unconsciously sticking his tongue out of his mouth in concentration. He looked, despite the dark circles under his eyes, despite the paleness of his skin and the hollowness of his cheeks, perfectly content playing card amongst friends.

And Cross lay on the bed completely dead to the world, an arm hanging limply over the bed while the other was hidden behind a splay of fiery hair. Tim's wings were curled behind his golden body, lost in the tangle of hair and Lizzy smiled; imaging Cross would have a hard time extraditing him.

She took a deep breath, taking in every detail, trying to burn this calm before the storm into her mind so she could always remember and treasure this one moment of peace. They sat up for about another half an hour or so and soon even her impressive will could not ignore her body's whims anymore and she found herself dozing in the chair. The world came and went in waves as she struggled to keep awake.

"-izzy? I think she's- hould we do?-ove her?"

"Let her be-she'll be fine Ne-"

"I'm just worr- working so hard-cerned is all."

"-tough girl-lucky to have he- she deserves it, let her sleep."

"I just want to keep her safe is all; I'd do anything for her."

Lizzy rolled her head and finally fell asleep, the last few years of life dancing before her eyes as the final battle hurtled closer. In her dreams, she begged for the safety of her friends and for their eventual victory over evil, but in the end, she wasn't really worried about either. The war would come and go just, like everything else in life. Soon the Earl and his empire would fall, she couldn't have said how she knew it in the waking world, but in her dreams she was completely assured of their victory over evil and all its demons.

Not now.

But soon.

And as for she and her friends, she believed in the promise that the four of them had made that they would meet again. This would not be the end, once all the war's horrors were over and the people could feel safe again, they would be together again. She just knew it.

So she fell deeper into sleep leaning on the chair in the most comfortable way she could. Neah, fearing he would wake her, had simply thrown a blanket over her and kissed her forehead as he himself turned in for the evening. Mana kept the watch that night, stubbing out his cigarette, listening to the chorus of breathing and thinking along with Lizzy that maybe things just might be alright after all.

All they had to do was get through the night first.

* * *

_The time is gone, the song is over,_

_Thought I'd something more to say. ~ Pink Floyd_

* * *

Whee! I'm back! Now then back to business. To me this is an emotional chapter (aren't they all?) but this is the one that shows the actions and reactions of all the main characters to the soul-sucking violence of the attack at headquarters. It shows strength in weakness, hope in death and the upcoming darkness peaking over the horizon threatening to do in our young heroes who refuse to move out of the line of fire. It also tests toward the end the conflict of priorities. How good is running and escaping with the things you love if all that you hold dear is dead and gone by the time you get to safety? You'll just have to wait and see if the decision to rest for the night was worth it or if it will mean another exorcist will be swept from this world. You may form whatever opinions you desire but know that not everything is set in stone and not all is as it appears to be. Keep an open mind my dears and maybe all will be well (snorts) yeah right, but isn't it pretty to think so?

So expect an update next Tuesday on July 31st on (guess who!) Marian Cross's birthday! What a well-planned coincidence (it really is, I just noticed)

Thank you all once again for your lovely reviews, they make me smile :) I hope you enjoyed this installment (though this isn't exactly what I would call a 'pick me up' chapter...) and hope all of you will endeavor to finish this off with me. It's not long now! Ciao for now!

_Time_ (c) is owned by Pink Floyd


	22. Summer's Almost Gone

_Disclaimer: I do not own any part of D. Gray-man nor any of its characters. I can only close my eyes and quietly play dress up with said characters in my head and hope I'm not desecrating Hoshino Katsura's work too much._

For those of you who care, Author's Notes will be at the end of every chapter and any and all questions will be gleefully answered if asked.

**NOTE: This chapter contains gore and violence**

* * *

_Morning found us calmly unaware_

_Noon burn gold into our hair_

_At night, we swim the laughin' sea_

_When summer's gone, w__here will we be?_

* * *

Neah sat up in bed, panting as he gripped his chest where his heart refused to stop pounding. _Oh my God, they were-_ he frowned, they were what?

The remnants of his terrifying dream slipped away from him before he could grasp it, leaving him sweaty, confused and gasping for air. He looked around the dark room, observing his friends. It was downright frightening to think that a little over twenty four hours ago they had all been happily asleep, Maria had still been alive and everyone had been safe. Now he wasn't so sure they'd live to see another gloomy English morning.

As he calmed down, he looked over to see that Cross was still asleep on the other bed, not having moved since he'd passed out there last night. Sometime when he'd been asleep, Tim had crossed the room and was now lying on his pillow with his tail occasionally bouncing against Neah's face. Lizzy still sat in the stuffed chair over where he and Mana had been playing cards last night. He hadn't the heart to move her, not when she looked so tired, so he had simply thrown a blanket over her; hoping she was comfortable in her sleep.

He turned over to Mana and rolled his eyes with a wry smile. His brother had fallen asleep leaning against the window. Really, he was supposed to be keeping watch, though it did seem a bit silly. If the Noah did show up now, well, there was no way they would be getting out of this. But still, everyone looked a lot better then they had and this stop was worth it. They were so damn lucky to even have this place. The kindly pharmacist who'd gotten the neccesary drugs for Lizzy had let them stay in his guest house for the night free of charge. It reminded Neah that not everyone in the world was a psychopathic murderer

Neah rubbed his eyes irritably, sleep now just a pleasant memory, and decided it would be best to get up and start preparing for another day on the lam.

He instinctively reached over to the night stand to grab his watch and his heart skipped a beat when his hands grasped nothing but empty air. Hadn't he put it there last night like he alwats did? He got up slowly and patted himself down, going through all of his pockets twice and coming up with nothing each time. He took deep, calming breaths and thought back to when he could've possibly dropped it. He moaned, it could've happened in one of many places. Battling at headquarters, the Ark, Mana's tent, and everywhere else in between. He hunched over and ran a hand through his hair as the full weight of the loss set in.

How could he have lost his father's watch? It was the only thing from his civilian life he had taken with him to Edo, the only thing he'd had left to remind him that he actually had parents. He stared down at his hands, how could he have lost it?

Well, he reasoned, he had been busy trying to keep himself and the others alive and he just hadn't been thinking about it. He supposed he really didn't need it. It had been an old watch even when it had been new to him. It would break every so often, prompting him to fix it and often times the clasp would stick and he had to carefully pry open the cover without tearing it off. But it still had been his father's watch, the greatest, most thoughtful present he had ever received from the man.

If Neah closed his eyes, he could still see the big house that he hadn't seen in many years. He could see Mana, minus a few years and a few chips on his shoulder, lighting the candles on his cake with a focused frown on his face. But no matter how hard he tried, Neah couldn't picture his parents' faces.

He remembered how dad had ruffled his hair as Neah opened the wooden box containing the watch, but he couldn't for the life of him see his face. Neah squinted in concentration, his father had had a beard hadn't he? Neah knew that his hair had been black like his and Mana's, but he couldn't for the life of him remember if he had gotten his silver eyes from his mum or his dad. When had he stopped being able to picture them in his mind? When had they, just like his watch, become unimportant, just a faded photograph that had collected dust from disuse.

He rubbed his hands, turning them over in the dim light. His hands had gotten bigger in the last year or so and he had been genuinely surprised at how close he had actually gotten to Mana's height. It was weird to say the least. He leaned back to look up at the ceiling, maybe he didn't need the watch anymore. He thought about it as he watched the morning light start to filter through the darkened curtains. The watch had always been his good luck charm, something he would cling to when things got tough, to remind him of old times when his parents were around and he didn't have to deal with all of this. Maybe it was finally for him to let it go and acknowledge once and for all that his old life was over.

He had a good family here, they had loved and accepted him far more than his parents ever had and even now, at his bleakest hour, they stood beside him following him into the heart of darkness. What would he do without them? He smiled and, in the darkness there surrounded by friends, he felt complete. He stretched with a sudden strength, might as well get everything ready. They should probably leave sooner rather than later, but this had been good for them, now they could continue on a little farther without fear of falling over.

He scratched his head and grimaced as a shower of bloody flakes fell down. Right, he needed a bath first of all. He entered the dirty bathroom as he peeled off his sticky, sweaty shirt. A light sound caught his attention and he had whipped around, summoning all of his dark matter to face the enemy he kept expecting to appear. It was only Lizzy. She yawned and rubbed her eyes lazily, seemingly unconcerned by his paranoia. He lowered his stance quickly, hoping he hadn't frightened her.

"Morning Liz, sorry about that, you kind of snuck up on me. Did you sleep well?" She grinned cheerily and she did look a lot better than she had yesterday and that caused Neah to smile with relief. Yeah, this stop was totally worth the risk.

"Yeah, as well as could be expected on a chair like that. I heard you get up, so I thought I might as well get up too." She held her bad arm stiffly and he could only imagine how much it was paining her. Once they had more time, they would stop in a hospital and get her some decent treatment, but until then she would just have to carry on with the rest of them. "What time do you want to leave?" She asked, brushing off his pitying gaze with a haughty head toss as she wandered over to the mirror and turned on the faucet. She leaned down and splashed some water on her face. Somethings he supposed would never change.

"I don't know, pretty soon I guess, we don't really have time to waste after all. How about I wake the others and start packing while you take a quick bath?" She grabbed a washcloth and wiped the water off her face. She furrowed her eyebrows and frowned at his statement.

"But Neah weren't you about t-"

"I'm fine; I'll use it when you're done." He said quickly, cutting her off before she could argue. When he noticed she still had that unbelieving look on her face, he cheekily winked at her. "Besides, I want you to look your very best for the long day ahead; your beautiful, irradiant face is the only thing that keeps me going through these dark days." He replied dramatically, getting down on one knee. She smirked and rolled her eyes as she dropped the washcloth on his head.

"Right, I'd say the same about you, but you look like hammered shit. Please be sure to wash up once I'm done. I'm not sure I could handle another day with your bloody, disheveled appearance." She gently shut the door in his face and after a moment, he heard the bath water begin to run. He smiled ruefully as he picked himself up off of the floor, God he loved that bitch.

Turning away, Neah picked his abandoned shirt off the floor and, after noting the wrinkled, dirty color, decided that he should probably get a new one. He quietly crossed the room, so not to wake the two sleeping boys or Tim and began digging through Mana's bag where a clean shirt should be awaiting him. Amid his searching, he shivered suddenly and he looked around with unease as he pulled out a clean shirt. He shook his head dismissively as he slowly buttoned the shirt up. _You're walking around without a shirt on, you idiot, of course you're going to be cold, _he thought sternly.

He mentally chided himself for his foolish paranoia. _Relax, there's no need to freak out and needlessly worry everyone, everything is going to be fine. _Once he was decent, he wandered over to the window where he caught the first glimpses of the glistening sunrise. He leaned against the sill contently, staring out into the lightening sky. It looked like it was going to be another nice day today. He smiled, relishing how good it felt after so much pain yesterday.

A grey face suddenly obscured his view.

"I found you little brother." Amora hissed outside the dirty window with an even dirtier grin on her face. Neah blanched and took a few frightened steps backwards. Oh God, they were here, there were fucking here.

"Lizzy, Cross, the Noah are-" The window smashed and Amora, clad of course in something very scant and tasteless, entered their dingy little house looking very, very pissed off. At the noise, Mana had fallen out of his chair and was now visibly shaking from his muddled spot on the floor near the other window. Neah also heard Cross sit up out of bed and reach for Judgment which lie on the table on the other end of the room where it had been thrown last night. Amora ignored them both and continued to grin at him like she had been waiting for this one moment her entire life.

"We've come to take you home Neah you traitorous, little bastard. The Earl wants to speak with you before he does you in so we've been told to bring your stinking, wretched body back to him all in one piece. However-" She darted her eyes over to Mana, who was scrambling to his feet in order to get away from Amora. "-we were first ordered to kill all your little human friends in the most elaborate way possible." She grinned maliciously with bright eyes as she crouched into a fighting stance. Mana was already across the room by this point, pushed up against the wall as far as he could, staring at Amora wide, panicked eyes. Neah didn't dare take his eyes off of her long enough to see what Cross was doing and- oh shit what about Lizzy?

Neah was halfway turned to run to the bathroom and save a defenseless Lizzy when the sound of rapid pistol fire was heard and Edmund crashed through the wooden door. He fell to the floor with a loud grunt as he clutched the new oozing holes Lizzy's Innocence had created. Lizzy stepped out with her smoking gun held out in front of her, ready to shoot despite her handicap. Her hair was tied up in a loose tail and her shirt was unbuttoned giving him a good view of her brassiere, but she was alive and she looked really, really pissed off. Neah sighed in relief, one of these days he would learn to stop underestimating her.

He heard Amora shriek and charge at him, but she was stopped in her tracks by a bullet hitting her in the upper thigh. She gasped and fell to one knee as Cross, having finally acquired Judgment, aimed his weapon at her head. Amora breathed heavily, her eyes alight with fury as she spread out her hands in a manner very familiar to Neah. Before he could do anything, he heard the sickening sound of weapons clatter to the floor as Amora's power took hold of the two exorcists. Neah growled and kicked her hard in the face before she could even think of doing anything worse. Amora reeled back and slowly stood up with a light laugh. She wiped the blood from her face, Neah grimaced, great, she was enjoying this.

"Don't concern yourself with them Neah, they're perfectly fine at the moment. I was told to kill them good and slow, to make them feel as much agonizing pain as the human body could possibly withstand... but you know, I think I'll do that after I kill you." She leaned over and rubbed her wound yet she never lost her feral smile. "Now don't think about them, I don't want you thinking about anything else but this fight. Look at me, I want your very best little brother." She slowly swung her hips playfully, like a dog that has just caught sight of its favorite toy and flipped her hair over her shoulder.

"The Earl says I have to bring you in alive, but I know that if I bring you in he will grovel and cry and maybe even spare your useless life and that cannot happen. No matter what the Earl says about you being so fucking special, you are going to die here Neah Walker and I'm going to make sure your filthy soul never comes back to shame our clan ever again." Neah ducked, mildly more prepared for her attack, but not by much.

He had already fought and killed four Noah, so he wasn't as dazed and hopelessly naive as he was before. But he was already feeling twinches from his last few fights and he also had Mana, Lizzy and Cross to worry about. Not to mention Edmund.

Neah spun on his heels using Amora's momentum against her as he brought his knee into her gut. She wheezed and gave him enough time to smack Edmund back down to the dirty floor as he was slowly struggling to sit up. Edmund coughed in pain as Neah's fist dug into one of his many bullet wounds; the American boy fell back to the ground gasping and clutching the gushing area.

Neah's momentary distraction had given Amora enough time to lose his footing. He found himself tackled to the ground as Amora regained her awareness; he struggled on the floor not far from where Edmund lay as she straddled him. She didn't bother to brush her wayward locks from her face, but gazed down with a righteous fury. She brought her fist up and punched him good across the cheek, his head recoiled by the force of the attack and he spit out a little blood.

"That was for Analyse!" She shouted, raising her arm again and smacking him on the other side, he winced; pretty sure his jaw had broken in at least two places by the strength in her fist. "And that was for Hassan!" The world became a bright light for a moment as he tried to reorient himself. Everything came back into perspective just in time to see her raise both her arms with a manic and malicious glint in her eyes, preparing to strike him again.

"And this is for what's their names!" Neah grit his teeth and brought up his knees hard, driving them into the small of her back. She lost her balance and careened on top of him. He sputtered under her not unsubstantial weight and pushed her off roughly, scrambling to his feet as she got to her knees. He raised his foot ready to bring it down on her head, but she held out her hand to the other side of the room and he heard Lizzy yell in pain as her broken arm was twisted cruelly. The worry and concern that flooded him took his attention off of Amora long enough for her to get to her feet and send another punch his way. He only barely avoided it.

"N-N-Neah, d-don't worry abo-about us. Just-just k-kill th-that bitch." Lizzy muttered between gasps, her face deadly pale as her arm was badly bent again. She sunk against the wall as her body convulsed with indescribable pain. Rage consumed him, that-that bitch.

Picturing Lizzy's pallid face in his head, Neah whipped around avoiding Amora's blow while putting one of his own into her throat. He didn't give her a chance to make further use of her hostages as he grabbed her wrist and rotated her arm backwards so that it was dislocated and broken in many places. She instinctively reached to grasp her wounded arm, but he had yet to let go of it and instead used it to fling her down on top of Edmund, who was once again struggling to his knees. Edmund flopped back down to the ground as Amora's body weighed him down; he let out a throaty moan. Neah dug his foot hard into Amora's exposed stomach, not disliking the way she panted in pain as her body healed.

She had always told him that he was weak, she'd called him pathetic and stupid and she had thought less of him because he had cared for the humans. Well despite what she said, his friends and his love for them was his greatest strength, not his weakness. The Noah fed on fear, oppression and hatred and somehow against everything he had managed to thrive on his love and affection and that's why he could beat these sons of bitches because love was stronger than hate. He ground his heel into her further, feeling the not unpleasant sensation of her soft skin break beneath his strength.

That and no one hurt his Lizzy, not nobody, not no how.

With Amora as wounded as she was, the strings holding the others were released and Neah saw Cross shakily walk over to Lizzy out of the corner of his eye. Cross gently pushed her hair from her eyes as he attended to her arm. Lizzy was still shaking but Neah could see her lean up against Cross in a pitiful manner so different from her usual fiery independence. _Amora would pay for that,_ Neah thought with a growl, _she would pay dearly. _

"You care that fucking much for those humans!" Amora shouted even as he dug further into her abdomen. "I'm going to fucking kill you, you fucking traitorous bastard!" She shouted, ignoring the pain in her gut; she took a moment to hiss through the pain before looking at him with glaring, near manic, hatred.

"Even if I fall more will come, oh yes, more will come and you will die Neah, you will die and I will fucking laugh because when you reincarnate, when your filthy goodie two shoe soul resurfaces we'll be ready Neah oh we'll be more than ready and we will kill you again and again and again until there won't be anything left of you to come back from and-" Neah wasn't sure if she had anything more to say, but he had a world to save and friends to help and listening to a dying woman rant wasn't helping anything.

He leaned down and, through the hole he had made in her gut, grabbed a hold of her spine. He watched as thick, oozing blood poured from her wound and drowning whatever else she had to say with a squelch. "Alright, I'll see you then bitch." He replied as he ripped the bones out, watching her back arch loosely as her body lost its main support. She flopped lifelessly to the ground without complaint, her angry eyes turning a dull gold as her blood began to drench Edmund who still lay beneath her lifeless corpse.

Neah kicked her spineless body off of Edmund and she flopped to the floor with a dull thunk. He leaned down to his elder brother trying to get a good look at him. Edmund was huffing in pain from the numerous bullet wounds littering his body. Neah smiled; even down one arm, Lizzy had done a pretty damn good job on him as Edmund was bleeding from no less than three holes in his chest and abdomen. The Noah moaned and turned his golden eyes up toward Neah.

Neah almost felt a little bad for the guy, Innocence really hurt after all. It was weird, for all his bravado, it appeared that Edmund just wasn't as strong as he pretended to be. Oh well, might as well get this over with. Neah wiped away the blood on his face as he watched Edmund's grasping, twitching hands rip up the bloody floor beneath him. He was muttering something hastily under his breath, something Neah couldn't understand.

"I'm sorry what?" he asked, leaning down to better hear his brother. Neah was going to kill him here; the least he could do is listen to his last words.

"Don't forgive, don't forgive, don't forgive, don't forgive, don't forgive, don't forgive, don't-" Edmund suddenly reached up and grabbed Neah by the throat. Neah struggled under his larger brother's grip, clawing at the meaty fingers blocking his airway. "FORGIVE!" Edmund shouted struggling to his feet, still bleeding, still wounded, but compelled by an angry force he really wasn't in control of.

Edmund's skin took on the glowing, glistening quality of gold as he fully activated his Noah powers. Neah's body jerked violently as Edmund ran an electric current through his body. This was bad, none of the other Noah he had fought really had a chance to activate their full power, that or they were too confident in their own abilities to feel they'd needed it. Neah wasn't sure he could beat a fully active Noah. Neah panted once the electricity stopped and continued to struggle against the ever tightening fingers around his throat. But he was slowing down and his body hurt oh so much.

"Neah!" he heard Lizzy shout, or was it Cross? He supposed it really didn't matter at this point. He heard one of them start firing upon the enraged Noah. Edmund growled and took his attention off of Neah to turn to the exorcists. The energy cackled around them as Edmund located his targets.

Neah panicked and struggled harder under his brother's grasp _No!_ His mind screamed _Look out! _But_ a_ll that came out was a wheeze. Edmund opened his mouth and sent a bright and deadly beam of light across the room where Lizzy, Cross and Mana were. Neah could only watch with wide, frightened eyes as the light slammed into the wall bringing down the entirety of that section. The roof overhead shuddered as well, miraculously remaining standing by only a few shaky supports. Neah reached a hand out in their direction, hoping that despite the devastating attack, despite the crushing rubble, they were still alive.

He glared up at Edmund with a fiery hatred; he knew a thing or two about not forgiving as well.

Edmund was wounded, fairly badly from what he could see. But in a last ditch effort for survival, his Inner Noah had overwhelmed his meager sensibilities. Edmund's body was at this point acting on pure instinct, compelled by an innate and powerful hatred of Innocence that controlled every aspect of his life. Perhaps now after all this time, he finally understood Edmund, perhaps he was sympathizing with him over his inability to feel anything but exacting, uncontrollable hatred for everything. Neah growled as he continued to claw at his captor.

No, not really, he just wanted the son of a bitch dead.

His greatest strength was his greatest weakness as well. Edmund was running on rage alone and that wouldn't last forever, not when Lizzy's Innocence was burning him from the inside out. He stared into Edmund's golden skin. It was hard, but it wasn't unbreakable, maybe if he just... Neah couldn't help but grimace, dammit that was sure to hurt, but it was better than sitting here being choked to death.

Using what little strength he had, Neah raised his fist and summoning all his dark energy, rammed it into Edmund's chest. The golden skin dented and cracked, but did not yield as Neah pulled back his mostly broken and charred hand. It slowly, very slowly began to heal; crap he was really doing bad. He really wasn't sure how much more of this abuse he could take. But he had to keep trying.

He rolled his eyes over the rubble where he caught no sight of movement. He felt his own anger rise and he raised his fist again, ramming it in the same spot twice as hard. He couldn't feel his hand anymore, but that wasn't important now as the dent becoming bigger and deeper. Edmund roared and clenched Neah harder as he summoned his dark electricity again.

"I WON'T FORGIVE YOU! I WON'T FORGIVE THE INNOCENCE! I WILL BURN EVERY LAST PIECE UNTIL THEIR GOD IS DEAD! DO YOU HEAR ME? DEAD!" Neah fell back almost passing out as an unspeakable amount of electricity assaulted his body. The hole he had created in Edmund chest had exploded eliciting an electric current that had Neah second guessing his own name. He raised his hand weakly for one last punch but let it fall beside him. _This was it, it was all over now,_ he thought as the last of his strength left him. He was pulled from his stupor as he felt a weight on his shoulder; he turned his eyes to see Judgment balanced on his shoulder.

"Don't move" Cross said, steadying his weapon and firing multiple shots right in the hole Neah had created. Edmund screeched as the Innocence made its way past his protective skin and into his heart. He finally released Neah, who flopped listlessly to the floor. Neah struggled to run, to sit up, to move at all, but he couldn't-he just couldn't. Cross grabbed him under his arms and dragged him away from the dying Noah. The house was all but destroyed and the last bits of Edmund's energy were being used to bring the rest of the place down upon them. Neah held out his hand, watching as more of the structure fall upon itself, he had to-had to-

"Lizzy and Mana are safe, don't worry, we just have to get out of here." Neah nodded and with great and painful effort, staggered to his feet and leaned against Cross as they escaped the carnage. _Oh sweet Jesus, _he thought as they walked, more like crawled, away from the wreckage._ I do not want to do that again, ever. _They were blown forward as Edmund's body released one last explosion, completely decimating the building and leaving only scattered bits of woods and fabric. Neah took a hitching breath as all at once the tears came. He wiped them away as yet another pawn was taken off of the board.

He paused with his palm still on his face, wait a minute, what about Amor-

He ducked away as burned and bloody grey hand grabbed him by the back of his hair. He turned and observed his sister's complete transformation. She was hunched over, her lips in a tight snarl revealing all of her sharpened teeth. Through her madness, he could see the tears falling as her Inner Noah wept for Edmund as well. The entire right side of face was badly burned, now slowly healing over, from where she had laid on the floor when Edmund began destroying the floor.

Careless, he had been careless. He should know that a Noah could recover from such a devastating injury given enough time and strength. And he had given her plenty of both while he'd been battling Edmund. Her body shook and he surmised that despite literally growing a new spine, it wasn't quite what it used to be, not yet anyway. He struggled out of her grip, but she dug her long fingernails into his scalp.

"You think-" she brought her other had to wipe the bloody spittle dribbling from her mouth. "You think, you c-can defeat me? Just like that? I'm gonna-gonna fucking kill you because-because you're a weak little mother fucking bastard a-and you don't-you don't deserve the hon-honor of k-killing me." She yanked his neck back hard and he was sure this time he heard some of his vertebrae crack.

She contorted his body until he was flat on his back lying on the dirt. She fell on top of him, panting at the effort and holding him down by the neck as Edmund had done not too long before. Her eyes were wide and devoid of anything resembling human emotions. He squirmed under her, realizing that her grievous injuries had awakened her Inner Noah as well. Whatever shred of humanity that lived in her before was gone, consumed in Noah's quest for survival, blood and revenge. She leaned down real close to him and whispered.

"I'm gonna make this hurt real bad Neah and I am going to enjoy every moment of your misery." She pulled back with a malicious, if slightly vacant, gleam in her eyes. "But before I do that, I'm going to kill those pathetic little human friends of yours that you're so damn insistent on protecting. I want you to see how easily they break and show you just how poorly you chose your friends." No, no he wouldn't let her. Neah struggled under her grasp and she laughed, it was a hoarse and unstable sound that fouled the air. "Aw look at little Neah, thinks he's big enough to save his friends." She sneered as the rest of her burns healed over.

"You're weak, you've always been weak. You could've been someone in Edo, but you threw away your power by caring for the humans. Love is impotent. It holds no real strength, at least not compared to the raw force of a Noah." She gripped both sides of his head and with a quick movement of her arms, he jerked as his spine snapped in two just above his clavicle. Agonizing pain followed by agonizing nothingness.

Neah rolled his eyes, the only thing left he could move voluntarily, to take in the horrendous scene. Cross was huddled a meter or two from him, Judgment was gripped tightly in his hand but Amora's strings prevented him from using it. Lizzy and Mana were out of his sight, but he was sure they weren't very far. They too were most likely kept in place by Amora's power and were unable to move, unable to defend themselves.

"I hope you enjoy it." She whispered, taking a moment to brush back her hair and look a little more presentable as she slowly came back into herself. "I hope you like watching your friends die. It must hurt pet to be so close to them, close enough to reach out to them, but at the same time being absolutely helpless to stop me from tearing them apart." A cheeky smile and a wink as she stood up.

"So be a good boy and stay there, this won't take long. I'll be back to play with you some more once I'm all done." No, no, no! Neah had a limited amount of movement in his arms with which he reached out to Cross, but dammit he couldn't move much more than that. His bones would heal, eventually, when his friends were dead and it was too late to do anything. He had to move and he had to move now. He turned his eyes upwards to the light cloudy sky.

_Please, I know you've never listened before but please let me save them. Please let me be strong enough to destroy that evil bitch, please, I need-I can't lose them._

If God was listening he didn't say anything, no dramatic lightning bolts fell to the earth and he didn't hear an ancient voice guide him onto victory. Instead one weighty drop fell on his face soon followed by another as a slow steady rain began beat down upon his numb and broken body. He rolled his eyes over to see Amora hovering predatorily over his friend and he felt a love and protectiveness rush through him unlike anything he'd ever felt before.

He would give anything, absolutely anything, to be there for his friends right now.

He frowned as he turned to back to sky. He would move, even if it killed his body, he would move right now dammit. Ripping pain coursed through his deadened body as he flipped over onto his stomach. He took a few gasping shuddering breaths to keep himself conscious as he dragged himself forward. He didn't know if God was helping him or what, all he knew was that he needed to get over there and save his friends. He would not be too late this time, not like with Maria.

Another centimeter forward then two then six then ten.

As he slowly crawled forward, he realized that he was regaining feeling in his legs; he grinned and pressed on as he moved faster. He was healing sooner than possible, he would probably be feeling the effects of it later, but for now it didn't matter and he continued to hungrily draw on the power keeping him moving. As he neared Amora and Cross he found the strength to sway drunkenly to his feet. He fell the first time, grabbing Amora's attention; she gaped at him with disbelief.

"You can't be-not yet, how the hell are you walking!" She asked, charging him with an angry terror. He ducked under one of her swings, noting the pain it caused him, but ignoring it entirely. _He would kill her,_ he thought as he avoided a low kick, _and this time he would make sure she stayed dead. _He was moving at this point on instinct, focusing on her angry, mindless expression as she attacked without thought, without purpose just slashing and diving at him with anger fueled imprecision. She called him weak for caring for people, but in his mind he was never stronger than when he was protecting someone he loved.

He thought of Lizzy and Cross, smiling through their injuries still willing to fight with him. He thought of Maria, loving and always there for him, dead and finally at peace. He thought of Mana, his brother by blood, but his father and friend by experience. He thought of all the other humans, exorcist or not, who had cheered him on, laughed with him and given him support all along this crazy journey of his. He thought of everyone in his life and the rest was easy.

Amora was just finishing up a roundhouse kick as he dashed forward going for her throat. She never had a chance to move, but could only widen her eyes as his hands dug into her soft flesh. A stream of blood came forth as both of her carotid arteries were severed neatly.

She was on her knees.

He brought his knee up and gave her a good kick across her face.

She was on her hands.

He brought his foot down on her head.

She was flat on the ground with blood pooling around the base of her neck.

He kneeled down, not thinking of his not-quite-healed body and let her take a few more rasping breaths. He would end this; he would end this hatred and destruction. He would do it in the only way he knew how, by protecting and cherishing the things he loved.

Love wasn't less powerful than Hate, Love was Hate's vanquisher. And it was about time Amora learned that.

"Not now or ever again will I let you lay a hand on my friends you bitch." He hissed, she grabbed at the grass, but even she had to realize that it was all over. "You know Amora; maybe you should learn a little more about the love you scoffed so much, you might last a little longer next time." As the rain continued to fall impassively, he brought his foot down and bashed her head in.

A few minutes later, the remains of her body were torn so that no one would ever mistake her for human, not that that had been possible even when she had been alive. He didn't stop until the tears came back, intermingling with the summer rain. He sat back and tilted his head up to the sky, closing his eyes and memorizing the feel of the rain sliding down on his pale skin.

_I don't know if you played any part in this, but thank you, thank you for letting me save them._

"Are you crying?" Cross asked, flopping next to him a moment later. Neah hadn't heard him approach and his voice seemed to be coming from someplace very far away. Neah nodded dimly, too lost in the rain, lost in some inner peace he had found in desolating his sister's corpse.

"No, not me, Noah." He replied dazedly, he felt very light headed at the moment. It seemed like nothing could touch him right now, he breathed in deeply as the feeling continued. God he felt so light he felt he just might fly away, wouldn't that be nice? He smiled in the rain. Wouldn't everything look so small up there? Wouldn't all the wars and problems and sadness just seem so far away from the sky? They would be someone else's problem and he could just float away. That sounded nice. The grey sky grew darker as the world turned on itself.

"Neah!" but Neah had already flown away, going on ahead to play a few rounds of cards with the angels. He could only hope they weren't as ruthless as his brother.

**DGMDGMDGM**

"Oh my God, Is he dead?" Lizzy asked coming forward. Neah lay in Cross's arms, having suddenly collapsed after dismembering the Noah girl. She tried not to think about that as she stepped over a piece of meat that she thinks was once the woman's thigh. She knew what Neah was capable, but she didn't think he would actually, ug she really didn't want to think about that anymore. She didn't care what Neah was, he was her friend and he would always be her friend. Seeing him so… violent changed nothing about how she felt about him.

She slowly knelt down next to them, brushing the wet hair from her friend's eyes to see the soft and peaceful look on his face. It was so different from the hardened lines and fearful worry she'd seen on him as of late. She'd almost forgotten what he looked like so relaxed. Tim hovered anxiously over them, he'd been flying around in crazy circles when the Noah were attacking and she had grabbed him when the building collapsed. Tim finally settled on Cross's head and looked worriedly at Neah.

"No, he's just unconscious. Not that I blame him, Noah or not, the bitch broke his back, that takes a lot to heal and he pushed himself way too hard trying to-" he licked his lips "trying to save us, to save me." Cross looked down at Neah, holding him gently as if he feared his friend would break with too much movement. "Guy wore himself down to the bone. I think he deserves a little rest." He looked up at her.

"How about you? That arm looked pretty bad last time I looked at it." She looked away and held the offending appendage close to her body. It hurt, a horrible, screeching pain that raced all up and down her arm and was slowly leaking into the rest of her body. But how could she complain? How could she say her arm was hurting when Neah was out here struggling, fighting against his body and the odds with his entire being and literally breaking his back to save them? She couldn't complain one bit, not when her friend was hurting so much more than she was.

"Oh you know, it's fine really." She said waving him off, the motion upset her arm causing the nerves to howl in agony. She bit down on her tongue to keep from crying out. Cross narrowed his eyes studying her and he looked like he was about to questioned her when she coughed into her fist. "What are we going to do about Neah? We can't just stop here, if the Noah caught up that quickly we have to get moving again." Cross nodded as his attention turned from her back to the problem at hand.

"Yeah, the rest of them could be on us at any minute. Mana!" He barked over at Mana standing vacantly about ten meters back, he didn't even flinch. "Mana!" The older man jumped as if he'd been slapped, turning to them with a dazed expression on his face. "Get your ass over here you damn clown, can you help me carry Neah? We need to get out of here." Mana nodded, bringing a hand up to his head where a good lump was beginning to form. He ran over and bent down to Neah taking a moment to rake his eyes over his brother before looking at Cross.

"Oh yes Neah, is he-is he alright?" Mana asked blankly, as if he had just noticed his brother's injuries for the first time. Lizzy pursed her lips lightly, but said nothing. She noticed Cross observing him as well, but continued anyway.

"Well he won't be if we don't move, as in right fucking now." Cross groaned, hefting Neah's upper body. Mana took the cue and grabbed Neah's legs, lifting him off of the ground. Lizzy turned back to the room and frowned.

"I'll go see if there's anything left for us." She said running back to the broken and burned house which had been standing not a half an hour before. There probably wasn't a crumb left intact, but it was better just to make sure. She took a moment to shift through the rubble, Neah would be awfully disappointed if they went and left his pocket watch here. She knew how important it was to him and if there was even the smallest chance it could have survived the explosion, she was willing to take a few minutes to look for it. After all Neah had done for her, it was the least she could do for him.

She frowned as she came upon the charred and ruined remains of the night table in between their beds. Neah was a creature of habit, he always set it here, so where was it? She frowned, catching sight of the remains of Mana's bag; maybe Neah had stuffed it in here. She reached her left arm out to grab it and screamed as a harsh whisper echoed throughout the debris. Under all the rubble, she could just make out the arm and a pair of angry, dead eyes. "_Don't forgive_."

She ripped her hand away, afraid of what might try and grab her and took a few steps back. Still not satisfied, she pulled out her Innocence and shot every shadow in the floor she could find, trying to finally get rid of the evil that just wouldn't die. She took another step back, holding her gun close with a trembling hand, staring into the darkness hoping once and for all that monster was dead.

"Lizzy! Lizzy what is it? Are you okay?" He heard Cross yell, she took another look at the ground and was only moderately pacified to see nothing move.

"Um Ye-yeah I'm fi-fine. I um I just saw a-a spider. Sorry about that." She yelled back, she heard Cross grumble something and yell at her to hurry up. She took a breath and holstered her weapon rushing back to the relative safety of her friends.

Fuck it; she would buy Neah a new damn watch when this was over.

**DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM**

Damn was that boy light. Cross made a mental note to feed Neah some more. The four of them left the broken and smoldering remains of the house as quickly as they could. Neah was wrapped tightly in Mana's coat in Cross' arms bridle style with his head leaning listlessly against his shoulder. If it weren't for the shallow rise and fall of his chest, Cross would've sworn his friend was dead from the resolute stillness of his body.

Mana had been holding him for a while, but he couldn't keep Neah steady, so Cross had decided it would be best if he held the unconscious Noah. Cross wanted to be angry at Mana's complete lack of composure, but he had to remind himself that Mana had no experience with this sort of thing. It was one thing for Neah to complain about the Noah, but another thing entirely for him to fight and kill one so viciously. It was sobering to be reminded of what Neah could do.

They took the back roads out of the town as the sun lifted higher into the sky. They were a mess covered in soot, grime and blood. It was best that they avoid public places for now. Tim was settled on his head, swinging his tail casually. Cross frowned and looked around at the forests surrounding them; he could sense the bad feeling in the air, but couldn't quite grasp it.

There was a safety in towns, an anonymity that acted as a shield almost. Out here, all alone on a beaten trail that ran alongside darkened trees, he couldn't help but feel like they were being watched. And he didn't want to know who or what was doing the watching. Lizzy walked closer to him, sparing a glance down at Neah. She looked tired and beat up and desperate for something to go right for once.

"How's he doing?" She asked quietly, Cross just shook his head wearily.

"I can't really tell. I mean he appears to be unconscious but I don't really know Noah physiology all that well, he could wake up any minute or well…" She looked away bringing her left hand up to rub her shoulder. He sighed, unsure of what to say to her to reassure her. How could he tell her that Neah would be alright when he didn't know himself? He blew some annoying hair out of his mouth. It was times like these he wondered why he didn't just cut it, it was quite the inconvenience.

Oh right, Maria had told him it looked good long.

"You wouldn't happen to have an extra hair tie would you?" he asked throwing Lizzy a small smile. Her expression softened and she smiled back.

"I did, but it went up with the rest of Mana's stuff, I'm afraid this is the only one left." She said, giving her small ponytail a quick shake. He blew away more hair, figures.

"Does anyone have any idea where this road leads?" Mana asked, coming up between them, his arms behind his head. "I don't want us to be wandering in the wrong direction, plus it might not be a bad idea to get Neah checked out." Both excellent points, it seems Mana's mental abilities have not been completely fried.

"Yeah, we're going south, towards London, I was looking at that map and if we move fast, we could make it to the station which will take us to London by nightfall. As for Neah…" he moved his arms to readjust the position of the tall, but surprisingly light, boy. "I'm not sure what a doctor could do for him. I think this is something he needs to sleep off, if he's not awake by the time we get to the station then we'll do something." Mana nodded, not taking his eyes off of Neah.

"I could-I could take him, you know if you're tired." Mana said quietly, Cross unconsciously held Neah closer to his body. He trusted Mana, he really did, but Cross could see the strain was starting to get to the man. Cross didn't want whatever happened before to happen again and making him carry the comatose body of his only remaining family might be more than the clown could handle. Cross smiled, trying to look as sincere as possible.

"I got him for now, but I might take you up on that offer later if that's alright." Mana smiled back and hung back a little, staring vacantly into the trees. Lizzy frowned and shot Cross a look of concern. Cross returned the look with a shrug, careful not to disturb his unconscious friend. He just hoped Mana could keep it together just a little longer, he wasn't sure what they would do if he lost it completely and Neah would never leave him behind.

Not willingly anyway.

Cross sighed and hoped he would never have to make such decisions. He'd already had to make too many hard choices and _he_ might be the one going crazy if this went on much longer.

"You look tired." Lizzy said, stepping a little closer to him. He only smirked.

"Are you kidding, I slept like twelve hours yesterday, I'm fine." But she frowned and crossed her arms not convinced. For good or for ill, he could never lie to her, without fail she was always able to see right through whatever bullshit he fed her.

"There is a difference, you know, between sleeping and passing out." She pointed out dryly.

"We don't have time to worry about that," he sighed giving her a look. "You saw what happened the last time we stopped to rest." She winced and averted her gaze. "We have to keep moving, they're closing in on us and with Neah as he is right now…" he discreetly looked over his shoulder to see that Mana wasn't paying them any attention "-with Neah unconscious like this, we wouldn't stand a chance if the Noah attacked now. That's why we have to keep moving and pray that Neah wakes up soon." She chuckled sadly and stared down at her holstered pistol.

"I should be insulted by your assessment of our skills, but you're right. When did we become so reliant on Neah? We're exorcists right? We should be able to handle the Noah on our own." He sighed for the hundredth time.

"Under the best of circumstances maybe, but with us as beat up as we are now, trying to defend Mana and Neah… well you know." He looked up at the sky. "It would take one hell of an exorcist to take down a Noah like Neah did; I just hope one day, I'll get to repay him for all he's done." Lizzy smiled against everything and nudged him arm with a light expression on her face.

"You mean like as a General? General Cross, it sounds nice, pretty badass." He smirked and nudged her back. It was nice, to be able to joke again, to see her smile like that. It felt like years had passed since they'd been able to do such a thing, but really it had been just over a day.

"Well not just me, I'll have General Logan right there with me." Her smile faltered slightly and she turned her eyes upwards, he frowned. "Come on Liz, you'll be there with me right?" The smile was back again as she turned to face him, the darkness suddenly gone from her eyes.

"Of course, I was just thinking how General Logan doesn't sound nearly as cool as General Cross. Maybe I should change my name." He smiled, though it felt distant, hollow; he hadn't liked the look in her eyes when he had said it. She had better not be giving up, not now, not after all they've sacrificed to get here. He wanted to tell her not to die. To tell her that he would always be there for her and that she should trust him more, trust him to protect her. Neah stirred in his arms suddenly, startling Cross from his thoughts.

"Neah, Neah can you hear me? Wake up you son of bitch!" He shouted giving his friend a light shake. Lizzy stepped next to him, leaning on his shoulder to look at Neah; Mana was on his other side a moment later. Slowly, Neah's eyes fluttered and bleary silver eyes stared up at them. Neah blinked, trying to get his eyes to focus. He brought up a hand to rub his eyes, disturbing the coat he was wrapped in.

"Wha-what's going on? Why are you all in my face?" A collective sigh of relief went around as Lizzy leaned down and kissed his forehead tenderly.

"No reason, we're just so glad to see that you're okay." While Mana and Lizzy fussed over Neah, who insisted on being set on his feet and not carried like a sack of potatoes, Cross stared at Lizzy. What was up with her? He couldn't put his finger on it, but Lizzy was different. Calmer, more patient, more acquiescent and it worried him to no end. The girl he knew, the girl he fell in love with, was someone who would fight until the very end. She was stubborn and tough and willing to battle all the forces of fate to save herself, her friends and the things she believed in.

Now as he watched her hug Neah and pet his hair affectionately, he could only hope that his friend, the strongest person he knew, would be able to stand up to the pressure. Maybe he shouldn't be questioning Mana's stability when Lizzy seemed to be falling apart right before his eyes.

The rest of the day and early evening passed uneventfully. Neah had stretched and shooed off the concerned prying hands of his friends and brother and declared he was perfectly fine. He took a few steps forward and then a few more and then tripped on a tree root popping up in the path. Cross chuckled under his breath and helped his friend to his feet, not commenting on his coordination for once. After all the guy had been through, he at least deserved that.

They kept on walking, the flow of conversation occasionally seeming normal, but mostly slipping into a silence that wasn't all that uncomfortable.

It had been a long few days for them all and they didn't need to fill the air with empty words to gain comfort, their presence was enough for that. And as each thought separately to themselves as they continued walking, they could almost imagine the sorely missed absent member of their group walking quietly beside them. And for a while thing were as they should be.

That is until Timcanpy got anxious and flew ahead of them, prompting the weary kids to chase after the golden golem before something ate him again. They walked and walked until they couldn't possibly take another step forward.

And then they kept going anyway.

Lizzy was leaning against Cross, a tired and strained look on her face as she wrapped her good hand around his. Mana stumbled behind them, looking a little better, but he still had an empty look in his eyes, like he didn't quite believe what was happening around him. Neah walked in front, he'd brushed off any offer of assistance and walked forward with as much purpose as he could muster. As he walked he kept muttering to himself almost as a mantra.

"Don't stop, keep walking, we have to keep moving forward."

The others paid him no mind, allowing Neah to take comfort in whatever kept him conscious and moving away from the Noah. Still, the day wore on and before they had realized it, the entire day was almost behind him as the sun dipped lower in the sky. Neah stopped suddenly, squinting his eyes against the dying sun and leaning forward in concentration.

The act of stopping caused Lizzy to lose her momentum and she fell to her knees, breathless. Cross leaned down and held her against his chest. There were small beads of sweat forming on her head and her cheeks and head felt far too warm to be of any good. Despite all this, she shivered and cuddled closer to him. Cross felt an acute fear rip through him as he realized that Lizzy might actually die out here, not by the Earl or his Noah, but by a measly infection from a broken arm. He kissed her damp hair affectionately as he tried to soothe her. Neah turned back with a wide smile.

"We're almost there! I can see the station; it's not very far, only about ten kilometers or so. We can make by the time its dark out, we can get to London and-" his smiled faltered as he looked at Lizzy; he slowly strode over to her and carefully knelt beside her. "Hey kiddo, think you could make it just a little longer? We're almost there." Lizzy smiled a little, but Cross was the only thing holding her tp.

"Neah, she's-" he bit his lip and his eyes told the young Noah the words he couldn't bring himself to say. "She's not doing good, she-she needs help." Neah looked at her worriedly, reaching out to brush away some of her hair. She really did look bad and Neah would never be able to forgive himself if something happened to her. Lizzy shook her head slowly, putting on the false smile again.

"Really, I'm just tired, we should-we should keep going. We can't stop now, not when we're so close." She struggled to get to her feet and only fell back down into Cross's lap. It seems the last few days' events had left her completely and utterly drained. It seemed that no amount of determination could move her broken body from that dirt path now.

"We can-we can carry her, we can get her some help once we get to London, there's a ton of doctors in London and the Noah won't be able to find us in such a large city and everything will be fine." Neah said desperately, reaching out to stroke Lizzy's hand. But they all knew she wouldn't make it London in her present condition.

"We can-we can make this work." Neah said quietly, holding her hand to his face. _Not her, not her too, please Lord,_ he begged heartily. _Please no, please you can't take her too, I won't let you, you hear me? I won't let you have her! I've lost too much, just don't-just don't take Lizzy from me._

"There might be a doctor in town." Mana added hesitantly, hovering just outside the little circle. She was a sweet girl and he would do anything to help her, but she wasn't his friend and this wasn't his time to interfere. "Maybe someone can help her there." Neah nodded enthusiastically.

"Yeah, yeah a doctor. I'm sure there's a doctor-" he turned to look back to where the small town lie ahead, as if noticing the great distance for the first time "in… town... can you hold out until then Liz?" Her head bobbed listlessly in what might have been a nod or a dismissal.

"Are you tired?" He asked urgently. "Because we can rest for a little while, yeah how about we do that, you can sleep and regain your strength and then-and then we'll go into town and we'll get you better and everything will be just fine." Cross looked at Neah over Lizzy's head.

"Can we really afford to stop again? I mean you saw what happened last time we stopped." Cross said softly, Neah winced visibly, but the nigh manic look never left his eyes.

"Look at her! She can't go on anymore!" He shouted, rubbing Lizzy's hand. He shrunk back as if ashamed of his outburst and spoke quieter. "It'll only be for a little bit, an hour at most, just enough for her to recover to make it to town." Cross looked down at Lizzy with concern, he was so worried for her, but he wasn't sure a break was worth it. They still had the mission to think of and what would they do if the Noah attacked them now? Lizzy would just have to hold on a little longer.

"Neah, I really don't think that's a good idea. I'll just carry her and if we hurry, we can make it to town in half the time and-"

"And what?" Neah asked shouting again, all pretenses forgotten as Lizzy sat before him dying. "What if there is no doctor Cross huh? What if we get all the way there and there is no fucking doctor? Then what? Do we just sit in the station and watch her die?" Cross sighed, understanding his friend completely, but still unwilling to endanger all their lives.

"Neah relax-" Neah stood up abruptly, letting the shadows menace his face, not hearing Cross.

"Well I can't do that! I can't just sit here and let her die, I won't-I won't let you kill her!" The birds in some nearby trees took flight suddenly. "Unlike you, I actually care what happens to her you heartless bastard! You might be willing to sacrifice Lizzy for your damned noble cause, but I'm not." Cross looked up at Neah with a stunned and hurt expression, he didn't even protest as Lizzy was scoped out of his arms.

"We're taking a short break." Neah said resolutely, conveying that no argument was to be made. He turned away from his friend with Lizzy's still form lying prone in his arms. He stared down at her soft face and added quietly almost as an afterthought. "You're always complaining about how evil your Order is sacrificing exorcists for the war effort, so tell me, how are you any different from them?" Without another word, Neah walked over and leaned up against a tree propping Lizzy up on his shoulder about fifteen meters away.

Cross sat on the ground, looking at his friend trying to reconcile the pain he was feeling. He gripped the spot over his heart, where Lizzy's warm body had been not a moment before, as if trying to understand why she was no longer there. Mana stepped forward and put a hand on his shoulder.

"He didn't mean it." Mana replied quietly, so Neah couldn't hear. "He's just worried and nervous and he says some pretty hurtful stuff when he's upset." Mana looked up at the sky, which was growing darker by the minute, with a contemplative expression on his face. "I remember we got into this huge fight during our first week travelling together." The clown said kneeling down next to the younger boy with a bit of effort.

"Neah was frustrated with life on the road and was complaining up a storm. We started arguing and Neah demanded that I take him back home." Mana rolled his eyes. "He was fourteen at the time and I couldn't very well leave him alone in the house, not after last time. The fight went on for days until finally Neah snapped and-and said some hurtful things." Mana paused and looked to the ground.

"He said that I didn't care about him, that he was just another piece of baggage for me to carry around and that he hated the circus, that he hated sleeping outside and-and that he hated me. I remember I got angry to try and cover his cruel words and gave him some money and told him that if he was so miserable then he should just go back home." Cross said nothing, but listened to the man as he sighed.

"He did leave and a little later it started to rain. I sat up the rest of the night, wondering if I should run after him and tell him how much he meant to me. He beat me to the punch and came back just before dawn, wet and shivering with wide, tearful eyes. He told me he was sorry and that he hadn't meant it." Mana chuckled a little as he lost himself in the memory. "He looked so cute that night, cuddled in my coat across my lap. He actually caught a bad cold from wandering around lost in the rain and we used the rest of the money to get him better." Mana stared down at his dirty, slightly bloodied hands, rubbing them together slowly. "That was the last time he was sick actually, a little over a year later and he was you know…" He reached over to give the silent redhead a light ruffle, Cross leaned away in irritation.

"Don't worry about it, Neah just needs some time to calm down and he'll be over here apologizing before you know it." Mana said brightly, he wasn't good with demons or Noah or whatever, but one thing he was good at was cheering up dour, young children.

"It's not that I'm worried about." Cross said softly "Neah's right, we've been pressing on this whole time and Lizzy's just been getting worse and worse and-" Cross leaned down and rested his forehead upon his knees. "And now I think she's going to die and it's going to be all my fault." His arms gripped his legs tightly as the consequences of his actions haunted him. He looked up as he felt Mana pat his back awkwardly.

"You-you don't know that." Mana said slowly, now drifting out of his comfort zone once again. He could only cure frowns, not diseases. He was only a simple clown after all. Not for the first time, Mana wondered just how over his head he was with these kids. "I'm sure Lizzy will be just fine. Sitting around moping like this won't help get her any better. If you've already dug a grave for her, she's nothing to do but fill it in." He gave a worried smile, wondering if he was treading too far. "If you give up now, what hope has she?" Cross turned up to look at Mana, who continued to smile awkwardly. Cross slowly smiled back.

"Yeah…maybe." He said turning back to his two friends. "We can't afford to lose hope now, not when we have everything against us." He gave Mana a light smirk. "Thanks Mana." The clown personally breathed a sigh of relief and clapped the boy lightly on the back.

"That's what I'm here for." He stood up suddenly, "now unless I'm mistaken, it's getting dark out, I have a fire to build and you have friends to attend to." Cross looked up at him owlishly. "Off now," Mana said, waving his hands and causing the younger boy to stagger to his feet and slump over by the others.

Neah looked away for a moment before turning to address his longtime friend. Cross smiled lightly and gave Neah a casual punch on the shoulder, dismissing whatever Neah had said. Things were right again, as right as they could ever be, but in their situation it was all they could hope for. Mana came back a few minutes later with some wood and slowly started the fire. The three kids gathered lethargically around the fire.

Despite Cross's fears as to their safety, Lizzy did look a little better; she even had a real smile on her face along with some color. Cross leaned back on his hands, he was glad she was doing alright, so glad. He watched as the sky darkened and the stars slowly started to appear as he tried to relax. He couldn't help but look over his shoulder every few moments, unnerved by some invisible enemy. He looked over at Lizzy, who comfortably leaning against Neah's shoulder, the small fire lighting up her face. Despite all the hardships, she looked quite content staring into the fire with a gentle smile.

She turned to him as if feeling his gaze and with a nod of her head gestured for him to move over. He smiled; he never could refuse her and obligingly scooted next to her. He felt a little better as she snuggled against him. There was no safer place then sandwiched between a Noah and an exorcist.

"You feeling better?" he asked, slipping an arm around her waist, a gesture which both of them knew to be nothing more than an offering of comfort. She made a little noise in her throat as she gratefully accepted his comfort and his warmth.

"Yeah, I guess I was pretty tired." She looked up at the sky, taking note of the darkness. "Shouldn't we get going again? Pretty soon we won't be able to see the path." Neah nuzzled his cheek into her hair, looking perfectly content just being with her.

"We can wait a little longer. The station isn't far from here, and I personally think a little time under the stars will be good for all of us." he said, taking a deep breath.

"But you never know what is waiting out here in the wilderness, Neah pet." Neah was up and on his feet, hovering protectively in front of his friends as Denis stepped out from the shadows. He held an unlit cigarette between his teeth as he carefully took in his brother's appearance.

"What a mess you are boy. Honestly, didn't I teach you better than that?" A dark scowl appeared on Denis's face as his eyes lit with anger. The general easiness of his face contorted into something wicked, something inhuman. He spit out the cigarette. "Did you ever listen to anything I told you Neah? Or have you just been playing us this whole time?" Neah raised his arms and settled into his stance, lightly gesturing for his friends to step back. Denis sneered as he took a step forward, grinding the unused cigarette into the ground as he observed Neah.

"This is what you left us for?" He spat dirtily, glaring down as they made their way out of the path. Cross lowered his eyes as he practically dragged Lizzy out of the line of fire. Cross was willing to fight to the death to stop this son of a bitch. But this was Neah's fight, more than the last few had been.

This was something to be settled between brothers.

"Children?" Denis demanded spitefully. "Sniffling, dirty children? Exorcists of all things?" Denis said, straightening out his shirt and regaining his composure as he prepared himself to fight. "I am saddened _mon renard_, I thought you were smarter than this, but this-this was a very stupid move on your part." Neah held up his arm, instinctively blocking Denis's fist as he came at him, once he saw that his friends were out of the way, he responded in like with a kick to Denis's face.

"Do you know why it was so easy for you to defeat the other Noah?" Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Cross raise his weapon with the intention of shooting Denis. Neah wanted to shout for him to stop, to tell them that they should run far, far away. Denis also noticed the movement and grinned. "My you exorcists sure are rude. You try anything else cute and you'll find yourself involved in a battle you couldn't possibly hope to win." Neah growled, he would not allow him to threaten his friends in such a fashion. Denis turned back to him.

"Now where was I? Oh yes, the Noah." Dennis threw another weighty punch that missed Neah by centimeters. "Those other idiots, they underestimated you. All of them thought they were better than you, thought they could control you by manipulating your love for humanity. They were killed because they went easy on you." Neah wheezed as Denis managed to land a good kick to his stomach. He instinctively held the area and stumbled back, Denis was on him in an instant.

"I am not like them pet, I know just how smart you are and I know what you are capable of. I also know that a man prepared to die for something he loves is a man to be feared above all else." Denis's eyes softened for a brief moment as he brushed away Neah's bangs. "I do not intend to go easy on you brother and I do not intend to let you go and this night, you will die by my hand." Neah gulped gasping at the air; he was going to die here unless he did something, anything.

* * *

_Summer's almost gone_

_We had some good times_

_But they're gone_

_The winter's comin' on_

_Summer's almost gone. ~ The Doors_

* * *

Opps my bad, it seems there was another cliffhanger in here. This chapter was intense and bloody, I do apologize if you are not fond of that but it just fit the characters. I believe this is as gory as it gets but be prepared for more. For those keeping track, this chapter marks the beginning of day two on the run. Chapter 19, London Calling, was the start of day one so not a lot of time has been covered.

For those of you wondering, my description Lizzy's infection is mostly correct. Bacterial infections, this is most likely Cellulitis, normally take a lot longer to set in and even longer before symptoms start showing but these are extraordinary circumstances. For one it was an extremely bad break that was never treated aside from some bourbon and a few bandages. Not to mention all the other injuries she suffered made her more prone to infection and the continual running without stop has only exacerbated it. While the rough environment they've been traveling in has caused the infection to rapidly worsen, Lizzy's response have mostly been to a failing immune system and sheer exhaustion than to the actual bacteria itself. It's like trying to race a car with internal damage with low gas, it's bad all around.

Also just to clear up confusion: Analyse was the Noah of Lust (Lulu Bell), Frey was the Noah of Corrosion (not introduced in DGM) Hassan was the Noah of Wisdom (Wisely), Lennie was the Noah of Pity (not introduced in DGM), Amora was the Noah of Desire (Sheril), Edmund was the Noah of Wrath (Skinn), Denis is the Noah of Pleasure (Tyki), Daniel is the Noah of Judgment (not introduced in DGM) and Saoirse and Shohei are the Noah of Bonds (Jesdebi). Just so you all can keep the characters straight.

The fight with Denis will commence sometime on Tuesday August 7th.

Oh and happy birthday Marian Cross! Who knows how old you are, lessee, you were born approximately around 1830 so... you're way too old to be as amazing as you, but we all love you anyway. For those wonderful people who review this chapter, please be sure to wish our favorite (missing, and possibly deceased) General a very happy birthday. This, of course, would not be complete without wine. He needs wine as well :P

_Summer's Almost Gone_ (c) the Doors


	23. Brown Eyed Girl

_Disclaimer: I do not own any part of D. Gray-man nor any of its characters. I can only close my eyes and quietly play dress up with said characters in my head and hope I'm not desecrating Hoshino Katsura's work too much._

For those of you who care, Author's Notes will be at the end of every chapter and any and all questions will be gleefully answered if asked.

* * *

_Hey, where did we go, days when the rains came?  
Down in the hollow, playin' a new game_

_Laughin' and a-runnin', hey hey, skippin' and a-jumpin'_  
_In the misty mornin' fog with our, our hearts a-thumpin'_

_And you, my brown eyed girl_  
_You my brown eyed girl_

* * *

Neah stumbled back away from his brother as Denis stepped completely out of the shadows. Denis was gazing down at him with a fondness that was so fake, Neah wanted to be sick. "You know, I must admit, I am a little disappointed that it had to end this way little brother. The other Noah are so boring, so evil, you were the only interesting one of the bunch." Denis tilted his head to the side as he studied Neah's protective stance.

"What are you thinking about right now _mon renard_?" Neah frowned sadly, he never really liked Denis and he was as psychopathic and evil as the rest of them but still… Denis had always been nice to him and had really tried to help Neah while he was in Edo. Neah straightened up and looked at his brother with honest regret.

"It's sad, it would have been good if we could have just been friends and nobody had to die." Neah whispered softly, Denis smirked giving a little shrug.

"Well there's always next life I suppose. For now, we are past that and its time you learned your lesson little brother. You did give me three exorcists to play with, so I guess I'll have to make this quick. The Earl was very specific as to the fate of your companions." The twisted grin returned. "I would make you watch as I killed your friends, but I don't want you to be getting any ideas like you did with the others."

"No." Neah whispered quietly, turning his gaze over to shadows where he could feel, rather than see his friends hovering anxiously. His heart rate picked up and he felt his anger rise similar to when he had been fighting Amora. How _dare_ that son of a bitch think he could touch them, touch his family!

In a burst of rage, Neah ran at him and punched Denis hard across the mouth, hard enough that the older man fell down clutching his jaw. Denis laughed from the ground, starting off slowly and getting louder with each second. After a moment, he stood up and brushed the dirt off of his clothes. He grinned playfully and ran his fingers through his hair showing off his stigmata normally hidden by his blonde bangs.

"I knew you wouldn't go down without a fight, not when I dangled them over your head like that. You are going to die this night Neah, but at least make it worth my while." Neah stared into the glittering depths of his brother's eyes and was reminded once again how much he hated this man's arrogance.

"I've never fought a Noah to the death before; try to make it interesting alright?" Neah was ready as Denis finally began to attack, running at Neah with frightening speed. Neah leaped into the air, avoiding Denis' swipes. He had to be careful to make sure Denis stayed far, far away from him. His ability to choose what he touched was hampered only by Innocence and thus he could very easily slide through Neah and wreak all sorts of havoc inside his body.

Dammit this would be so much easier if he had Innocence.

Neah growled, keeping his distance and mostly remaining on the defensive due to his inability to attack Denis straight on. He needed a strategy, something that would keep him from directly touching his brother. He landed over near where the guys were crouched watching the fight. He leaned on his knees and took a deep breath. He should not be this worn out this soon into a fight; his body really was falling apart on him.

"You guys okay?" He asked. Lizzy leaned forward, reaching out to him.

"Neah please let us help, you can't take him alone please-" he held up a hand cutting her off, there was no way; no way would he endanger her, never again. Also, though he wouldn't say it, they would probably be more of a hindrance than help. He would just be too busy making sure they were safe to really focus on Denis.

"No, this is my fight." He wasted a few precious seconds to smile at her and try to allay her fears. "Besides I'm a lot tougher than I look, I'll be fine, really." She smiled back at him, but it felt empty. Lizzy went wide eyed as a dark shadow fell over Neah.

"I hope these humans aren't distracting you Neah, because if they are, I might just have to kill them now so you'll give me your full attention." Denis purred. Neah's heart stopped at the proximity between his all too human friends and his demonic brother. And then that familiar rage beat in his temples like a drum.

He couldn't think, couldn't breathe.

All his enraged mind could think to do was lash out at Denis, to get him away from the people he had sworn to protect. Before Neah could think the better of it, he turned and delivered a wild punch straight to Denis. It stood absolutely no chance of success. Denis caught his fist easily, it hadn't been hard, Neah wasn't thinking clearly and by the time his senses came back to him, Denis had him at his mercy. He grinned as he forced Neah to his knees. He grit in teeth as he felt his knuckles begin to fracture under Denis's strain.

Neah silently cursed himself. Why couldn't he think goddammit? He could win this fight if he just stopped being such a protective, reckless idiot. His eyes couldn't help but roll back to see his friends looking worried and frightened, but still safe. For the moment at least. That was why he had to win this fight because he knew exactly what Denis would do to them if he died.

"My, my I'm disappointed pet, really I am." Snap went four of Neah's fingers. Neah dug his free hand into his knee, biting back the pain. "These humans have ruined you brother, look at what you've become. You're an emotional wreck, you can't even keep your eyes on our fight you're so concerned with your little pets." A dirty smirk appeared on Denis's face. "They seem more of a liability than an asset."

Neah sneered. No, they weren't. No matter how hard it got under the Earl, no matter how much he complained or wondered how much easier it would be if he just stayed with the Noah, his friends were never something he never regretted. Even if he didn't always know it, they were the most important things in his life. If he wanted to win this, he had to let go of his fear, he had to trust that they would be alright on their own so that he could focus all of his attention on Denis.

When Denis's hold loosened somewhat, Neah was able to wrench his hand free and roll off to the side. Neah stood up slowly, but resolutely, as Denis quickly turned to face him. Denis grinned as he settled into a more precise, more serious stance.

"I'm glad you're finally taking me seriously. Now please brother, give me your best." Denis jumped into the air and Neah followed him. They parried blows until Neah landed on a tree branch while Denis hovered in the air using his abilities. _A good defense is a good offense,_ Neah thought as he charged through the air toward Denis. Denis held up an arm in defense, but was still pushed back by the force of Neah's attacked as they flew back through the air. Denis could only grin.

"Yes Neah, good. Use your opponent's strength against them; you can control their movements with your own momentum." Denis said, still smiling as their dark auras clashed. Neah gnashed his teeth in frustration.

"Stop treating me like a kid and fight me dammit!" Neah shouted, aiming a hefty punch Denis's way which he avoided by jumping onto a nearby branch.

"As you wish." And the fight progressed, a continual give and take, almost like an elegant but violent dance that hovered just over the tree tops. As Neah barely dodged another attack, he wondered again if he could really do this.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Cross was losing sight of the two Noah as they began to move further away. Neah probably wanted to get Denis, and the resulting destruction, away from them. Cross growled under his breath, but remained where he was.

He hated feeling so goddamned useless. He should be out there fighting with Neah not hiding here in the dark like a bunch of frightened kids. He frowned, however frustrating it was, they couldn't fight now. Aside from the fact that they had already been beaten within an inch of their lives, he just wasn't sure how much they could do against a fully awakened, pissed off Noah.

They were good, but not that good.

He didn't stand a chance in hell and with Lizzy as she was... He glanced over at her; she was at his right, straining her bruised body to look over the trees where the battle could be heard, but not seen. She bit her lip and folded her good arm at her breast. He had a feeling she was feeling the same restless helplessness he was.

"Please Neah, please be okay." She whispered softly, Mana patted her lightly on the back.

"Maybe we should step back, I mean, I'm not sure how much help we are here and we don't want to make things worse for Neah by making him worry for us." Mana had a poi- what was that? Cross's head snapped in a direction to his left, perturbed by a sound that he couldn't place.

He couldn't remember what the sound had been and it hadn't been all that loud, but it still had set off all sorts of alarms in his head. He couldn't be that crazy as Lizzy was also looking in the same direction with a blank, searching face. Mana frowned looking back and forth between them; he then stared into the dark trying to see whatever it was that had frightened them so.

"What it-?" Mana whispered, Cross silenced him by holding up a hand. He stood up slowly, Judgment in his hand and ready to fire in an instant. Lizzy started to stand too, but he stopped her. It would be quieter if only one of them went. Whatever it was, he could handle it alone. She frowned, but settled back down with one of her pistols lying ready on her lap, reminding him that she was here if he needed help.

A whole conversation had passed between with nothing more than hand gestures.

As silently as he could, Cross stalked over to the approximate place he had heard the noise. It had been soft, barely perceptible and it was hard enough to distinguish anything over the sound of fighting and crashing trees, but it had seemed so important… Something white caught his attention and he raised his weapon putting the barrel less than five centimeters away from a pair of golden eyes.

_Neah,_ he thought automatically and almost lowered the gun. But Neah was out fighting in the forest with Denis and Neah wasn't that short and thin and no matter how angry or hurt he was, Neah never, ever had that dark and empty look in his eye.

"So you're the one." The girl said with a thick timber, she looked right at him with small tears gathering in the corner of her deadened, angry eyes. "You're the one who stole my brother from me." She sneered sadly and brought a frustrated hand to wipe her eyes.

"I couldn't believe it. Even after Neah spoke to the Earl and killed the others, I just couldn't-couldn't-." She closed her eyes and opened them again. "I won't forgive you, any of you for what you have done to me and my family." Cross took a step back and shot. She dodged it easily and he heard a commotion behind him as Lizzy and Mana became aware. He just hoped they had enough sense to stay where they were. He had to keep this girl-Rhode it had to be- away from them. Her dark eyes darted in their direction and she cocked her head as a dangerous smile appeared.

"So there are more of you." He widened his stance, stepping in front of the area where the others were. He would fight her to the death if it kept her away from Lizzy… and Mana too of course. She appeared to be amused by his descison to fight and he was reminded again that he a solitary and very wounded exorcist stood very little chance at beating a Noah in their prime.

"So you want to play with me do you?" She purred, bringing a thin finger up to her lips. "It seems Deni-bear and Neah-pet are busy, so I think I can spare some time for you. Let's make a deal, okay?" She winked at him and put her other hand on her hips. "If you win, I'll leave you, Neah and all the others alone. I'll sneak back to Edo and I won't ever tell the Earl where you are." He frowned; this had bad idea written all over it. But he had no other choice, he wanted to keep Lizzy out of this fight and this seemed the only way.

"And if I lose?" he asked glumly, not sure he wanted the answer. Her grin took a predatory form as her smaller body seemed to radiate darkness.

"Well you won't be around to give me anything, so I guess if you lose I'll just kill all your little friends." Her eyes glittered mischievously, but he could still see the hurt behind them. "It makes sense don't you think? You took my family so it I would just have to take yours." He smiled lightly as he readied his weapon.

So this was Rhode, Neah's favorite little Noah.

It was too bad, Neah had had such high hopes for her, but it seemed there wasn't much hope for her at all. Cross reminded himself to apologize to Neah for killing her later, because he was going to win this fight. He wasn't going to let anymore of his friends die due to his weakness.

"I didn't take him girly; Neah came on his own." Her eyes flared dangerously. "I accept your challenge, but I just thought I'd let you know that I don't intend on losing this fight." Her smile had returned, a truly dark and frightening thing, as she ran a hand through her hair.

"Fine then." She lilted. He blinked as the world around him seemed to fade in the background as it was consumed by black. Rhode herself faded into the dark, leaving behind only twin golden eyes and soon even those were gone, leaving him all alone in the darkness.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Neah grunted as he rammed into a tree, he moaned, not pleased with how his body ached with every movement. _Please,_ he begged, _just a little longer_.

He moved to another branch just in time as Denis had rammed his fist through the tree Neah had just been in front of. He couldn't afford to take his attention off of the bastard for a second. Denis was being absolutely merciless, he kept up a calm and casual demeanor, but Neah could tell by the hardness in his eyes how seriously he was taking this. _Well no wonder, _Neah thought blandly as he avoided another blow. For all his jokes and advice, Neah could only imagine what Denis was feeling.

He had trusted Neah, been fond of him in a way an older brother might enjoy a young, naïve little brother or a dog or something. They hadn't been terribly close, but Denis had cared for him, had trusted him. Even for a Noah, that had to count for something. They were wandering further from the guys which was both good and bad. Good obviously because they were out of danger and thus Neah could focus more on the battle. Bad because they were going into unfamiliar territory and who knew if there were people out here? Not to mention that he would be alone if this fight went the wrong way, a possibility which was looking more likely by the minute.

Denis was behind him and Neah leaped up to avoid his hit. Denis followed closely behind him, diving straight for him. Neah only barely avoided the attack by jumping to a nearby branch. Well sort of. Apparently Denis hadn't been aiming for him, but the branch upon which he had landed. Neah gasped as the branch was severed and gave out underneath him, causing him to fall the twenty meters to the ground. Neah hit the ground hard and took a few precious seconds to shudder in the pain before he got to his knees. Denis landed softly in front of him and wagged his finger patronizingly.

"Don't tire out on me so soon _mon renard_, this is just starting to get exciting." Neah staggered to his feet, careful to avoid getting too close, and swung his leg up to Denis's head. He dodged it easily. It was almost pathetic how one-sided this fight was.

"If only you could be like your little exorcist friends with their Innocence." Denis said with a casual shrug of his shoulders. "Then this would be truly thrilling, a duel for the ages." He preened, "I might actually be afraid of you then." Neah frowned and jumped back trying to get some space to breathe. It would be easier with Innocence, at least then he wouldn't be so worried about Denis's abilities. No matter how he looked at, Noah just weren't made to fight one another.

If he were at the top of his game Neah imagined this fight could last for hours, even days, but he wasn't and it was becoming clearer and clearer to see who was winning this battle. Denis paused about five meters in front of him, making a spectacle of stretching his arms languidly.

If he wanted, Neah thought shamefully, he could probably get away. He never would do it, but a small part of his brain, the part that enjoyed living, couldn't help but recount how easy it would be just to run and leave everyone behind. But he had made a promise to the people important to him. He steadied his stance and locked eyes with Denis, promising himself that he would not run. He would give it his all, just as he had given every other fight his very best and if he died, well then, he died defending the things he cared might live if he left now, but he would never, ever forgive himself if he did.

Denis narrowed his eyes and charged him with startling speed. Neah's first thought was to step out of the way of the juggernaut, his feet had even begun to move, but he stopped himself. He rooted himself to the ground and held up his arms in preparation for the assault with almost manic devotion. He would stay here and fight to the end, defending the people he loved.

Isn't that what being human was all about?

Denis smacked into him and he could only imagine how widespread the blast was. Neah grit his teeth as he tried to maintain his stance and hold Denis back. Despite this, he found himself sliding backwards little by little. Denis was practically glowing with his dark energy, his eyes taking on a hateful quality as it fueled his energy_. Great, he was feeding his Inner Noah with his anger, _Neah thought. A wide, unhinged grin spread on his brother's face.

"Look at what you gave up Neah!" Denis shouted, pushing forward. "This is absolute power! You left us for that foolish God and your little friends, but I'll set you free!" Neah grit his teeth as he pushed against Denis's overwhelming force. He was starting to lose control of his breathing and his legs were shaking with the strain. "I am going to break you Neah Walker." He wasn't sure how much longer he could keep thi- Neah thoughts stopped as he felt something inside of him snap painfully. The air left his lungs and his hands fell lifelessly to his sides giving Denis an opening to push him back.

Neah went flying, he wasn't sure how far back he went until he smacked very painfully into a tree. His whole body shook with exertion as his bones lethargically healed themselves at a pace slower than he had ever experienced as a Noah. He shakily gripped the remaining fabric of his shirt as the remnants of Noah's agony faded to the back of his mind. _Oh my God,_ he thought rasping harshly, _much more and Denis would've actually killed me. _

He was scared.

He was going to die here alone in the woods and he was fucking scared.

Denis had his hands in his pockets as he slowly made his way over to where Neah had crashed. Even from this far away, Neah could make out the toothy grin on his brother's face. He felt a rush of fear course through with alarming intensity. He couldn't-he couldn't fight anymore, he couldn't-

"Neah!" he turned to the sound but he never took his eyes off Denis. "Neah are you alright? Neah please answer me!"

"Neah! Neah shit! You can't give up, look at me dammit!" He shifted his eyes and saw Lizzy on his left and Mana at his right looking worried and concerned. He blinked wearily, had they really made it back here? Lizzy brought her hand up to his face and cupped his cheek. "Neah please don't give up, please I believe in you."

"Really Neah, even you with all your delusions should be able to see that you are fighting a losing battle. One more hit to your Inner Noah and you'll be at my mercy. It's been real fun little brother, but the Earl is getting impatient. Don't worry Neah, I won't kill you now, I'll just drag your half-dead carcass back to Edo where you will recieve your punishment. That is, after I've shown your companions what a real Noah can do." Mana cursed and gave his shoulder a good shake.

"Dammit Neah come on, show that uppity punk whose boss here, get up!" But all Neah could do was stare lifelessly past their faces, watching Denis step patiently forward almost as if in slow motion. He couldn't move his body anymore and his chest throbbed painfully. He couldn't fight Denis, he was older and stronger and relying on the strength of his Inner Noah. He couldn't possibly hope to muster the strength to defeat that kind of evil. He slowly closed his eyes as Denis approached.

"D-Don't touch my friend!"

His eyes snapped open to see Lizzy stepping in front of him. He stared at her back in amazement as she widened her stance, looking prepared to fight as one her pistols was shakily held in her left hand. But-but she was injured and-and sick, how could she-why would she? "Don't come any closer!" She shouted again. What was-what was she doing? Even Mana had been smart enough to step back as Denis drew closer, close enough that Neah could count each stigmata on his forehead. Denis smirked and removed a hand from his pocket, watching as the dark energy sparked dangerously in his palm.

"I normally don't like to hurt women, but if Neah insists on sending little girls to fight his battles for him." Neah look a deep rasping breath and gripped Lizzy's shoulder. She turned to him with fear and worry with tears brimming in her brown eyes, tears for him and his safety. He would find the strength for her, so that she wouldn't have to cry anymore for someone as undeserving as him.

"I won't let you do this Denis." Neah wheezed slowly as he pulled his broken, aching, dying body from the tree. Lizzy stepped to the side as he stumbled out, still gripping his chest, not looking Denis in the eye. He was too busy trying to bring the world back into focus, trying to prepare himself for another round of fighting Denis. His body hurt just thinking about it.

"What's wrong pet? Have I been too rough with you?" Denis teased, Neah felt a little spark of anger rise in his heart, but the pain quickly extinguished it. He was reaching the end of his rope. There had been too many Akuma, too many Noah, too many broken bones and flesh wounds. He just couldn't fight anymore. He looked to Lizzy. She was almost as bad as he was and yet here she was, standing in front of him, prepared to fight Denis in his stead. God, he loved her so much for that, for that indomitable strength she could call upon in the bleakest of situations.

He took a hesitant step forward and brought his hand up to his mouth as he spat some blood out. He swayed a little on his feet, but kept himself upright. He had to keep moving. Lizzy trilled worriedly next to him as he used her to steady himself.

"Neah, please don't be so reckless. Your body can't handle anymore; you have to be more careful with yourself. I-I can't lose you too!" He smiled and gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze before he pushed her out of the way. She wasn't involved with this, he would fight his own battles and he would win.

"Denis," he coughed harshly. "You've always underestimated humans." Denis at least had the decency to look confused as he paused just a few meters away. Neah curled his hand into a fist as his strength and anger returned. It was the first thing he had come to dislike about the Noah, their utter disdain for humanity.

He never could understand it. They themselves had once been human and, to a certain extent still were, and yet they despised humanity so much. Neah had never considered himself better and many years with his friends had shown him just how powerful humanity could be. Seeing his best friend stand here in front of him did he, now more than ever, believe in the true strength of humans. He felt a little power return to his body as he rubbed his chest.

"The Noah have always thought they could control humans, that they were weak and powerless when compared to the innate Noah strength." He glared up at Denis as he felt his body heal itself, drawing strength from his resolve. He was a Noah, given amazing power and strength by his genes, but he was also human and he gathered his strength from the love and support of his friends and his desire to succeed. "But it's those humans you should really be afraid of." He took another step forward and Mana stumbled back, feeling the force of his concentrated power. Lizzy stood where she was.

"Even if we are weak, destitute, with death drawing upon us, we can summon strength from our friends to see us through. My heart is tied to humanity and until the day this body dies, I will continue to exist in this world and protect the things that I love!" Neah charged at his brother compelled not by his anger, by his love for the incredible people around him.

He would win this, for them, he had to.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Cross studied the darkness, he couldn't make out any discrepancies in it and it appeared to be pretty consistent. On the floor was a black and gray checkerboard pattern, but it was the only variation in color he could see. He took a small step forward, analyzing the viscosity of the air. He should've known better than to agree to a_ Noah_ battle like this, who knew what the hell was going on? _Okay think,_ he told himself in an attempt to remain calm, _what do you know about her?_

Dreams, he remembered something about dreams. He racked his brain thoughtfully, it was-was like the Ark he remembered suddenly. She could create parallel dimensions of her choosing which she could control. He frowned, no wait, he was forgetting something. He was so occupied with his thoughts that he almost missed her small form pop up in front of him.

"I suppose Neah's told you all about me, about us." She sadly stated, looking a little put out. It was gone a second later replaced by a rapacious grin. "You might be some big shot exorcist out there in the real world, but in this world you're all mine." He raised Judgment to her forehead, her black hair gently dusting the end of the barrel. _Why wasn't she moving?_ He wondered before deciding that he didn't care.

He pulled the trigger and nothing happened. He started and looked at his gun. It looked and felt just like his Innocence, but it was nothing more than a toy. He groaned and tossed the useless weapon to the ground where it shattered, the girl tilted her head, placing her tiny hands on her hips. "Your Innocence doesn't work here, Marian Cross, you see, you can't fight me in here. In here I am supreme!" She grinned, throwing her arms in the air gesturing to the area around her which seemed to bend at her will. "I will break you, exorcist and leave your shattered husk for Neah to enjoy."

Charming, so he couldn't use his Innocence, so the only weapon he had left was his words.

"You can play all the games you want kid, but it won't change the fact Neah choose us over you and your shitty little Earl." Her easy grin faltered a little bit as her form stiffened. "He's not coming back with you, even if your Master offered him forgiveness, Neah would never bow down to such an evil asshole. He might not be perfect, but he's my best friend, what is he to you?" She flushed angrily.

"You don't know what you're talking about; this is a family matter dammit!" She stomped her foot down and the whole structure of the realm crumbled a little. He grimaced, maybe provoking her wasn't the best idea, but he didn't really have any other options.

"He's my family too." Her eyes raged as a large split shook the ground. He took a few steps back, away from her as the ground surrounding her cracked.

"He is MY family!" She shouted painfully. "He is my big brother and you can't have him! It's all your fault you stupid exorcists! You tricked him, you took him away from me, you-you turned him against us with your pretty girls and your nice words. But he is mine and he will always be mine!" Another step back and he panicked when he felt nothing but open space beneath him. It was too late to regain his balance and he watched Rhode slowly disappear from his view as he fell into the dark crevice. Despite the fact that he couldn't see her, he could still here her sugary voice echoing around him.

"I own your heart now Cross, you will not leave this place, not until I have broken you, not until you understand what it's like to lose something important to you." As he continued to fall, he closed his eyes and thought of his friends. He had to keep his head; if he lost it now then everything will have been for nothing. He had to stay focused and remember the things he was fighting for.

Lizzy with her selfless ways and giving smile, Neah and his awkward gestures but kind heart, Maria's crazy behavior that couldn't hide how much she loved.

And then suddenly, he was in the training room back at headquarters.

He closed his eyes and then opened them again, but the training room was still there, looking a heluva lot cleaner than it should be at this moment. He took a deep breath; Rhode was the Noah of Dreams right? This was just an illusion, none of this was real and he had to remember that if he wanted to win this.

"Is it really? Have you ever thought that this might be reality and that the pathetic little life you've built for yourself is just as fake, built with fraudulent hopes and petty delusions?" Cross turned at the sound of the voice and was surprised to see himself. The other Cross was leaning against a wall on the other side of the room. The Other's red hair was tied up in a tail and thrown lazily over his shoulder. He wore his exorcist uniform, looking neat, trim and organized all with a calm, but malicious smile.

Cross never claimed to be a nice guy, but he never grinned like the Other was right now. The Other smirked and put his hands in his pockets, stepping away from the wall and walking toward him with his head angled toward the floor. The grin remained just the same.

"Something wrong with the way I look? That's funny coming from you, seeing as you always used to look like this; apathetic, uncaring, and distant; you actually went through most of your life like that." The Other finally reached him and looked at him with a nasty grin. "Don't you see? I'm you, the you before your logical mind filled with all these silly thoughts of hope and friendship. The you that didn't care." Cross took an angry step back, staring into face the Other.

"Even at my worst I was never like you. I don't need to listen to this crap, I know who I am. I am Marian Cross, I am an exorcist for the Black Order and I'm going to destroy the Millennium Earl."

"Oh really?" the Other said with an amused smile on his face, crossing his arms. "Now tell me, are you doing it for the safety of the world and the glory of the Order-" his eyes narrowed knowingly "Or are you just doing to save the lives of you and your little friends?"

"I can do both, I can fight for both. I believe in both, I can save them, I don't have to choose." Cross said hesitantly taking a step back, unnerved a little by the question. The Other rolled its eyes.

"You sure about that? Why didn't you tell Master or the Great Generals about the Noah? If you really were fighting for the Order, you would've given Neah up a long time ago, let them in on your little scheme." The Other shrugged and the harsh smile returned. "The truth is that you've become weak, years of punishment from the old man left you alone and suddenly when a few people come into your life, you become willing to throw all your principles out the window for them." His easy smile morphed into a glare. "You claim to be an exorcist fighting for God, but all you care about are your comrades." Another step back and Cross clenched his fist.

"You're wrong, I believe in what the Order stands for, not for what corrupt officials have made it into." Cross said, stepping forward angrily as if to confront the Other. "I haven't given up on my principles; my friends have just shown me that that I should fight for the right thing instead of just doing whatever my superiors tell me." The room spun and suddenly he wasn't alone in the training room. He noticed a large crowd of junior exorcists huddled in groups.

He immediately noticed himself amongst the crowd, standing apart looking bored and uninterested. He looked to be around thirteen or so, standing around waiting for Master to arrive and begin the training session. He stood with his hands in the pockets of the uniform he wore for these occasions. He watched as his younger self sighed and brushed hair from his face. A girl looked over at him and blushed; another girl giggled and gently gave the first girl a slight push toward him. The first girl then took a deep breath and, still flushing, stepped awkwardly next to Cross. She smiled and bit her lip anxiously.

"Um hi Ma-Ma-Marian, um I don't know if you know me but um I was wondering if you know if you weren't busy later maybe we could um-"

"Don't-" he answered abruptly, causing the girl to take a step back. He spared her a scathing look and the girl wilted under his gaze "-ever call me by my first name." The girl, her name unimportant in the grand scheme of things, nodded hastily and slunk back to her friend as quickly and quietly as she could. His younger self merely huffed and angrily wondered why all these damn people kept trying to talk to him.

On the other side of the room, Cross looked sadly at his former self. It had seemed so different back then. Watching it now, with everything he'd gone through, he could see how lonely he had been and how terribly he had treated people. No wonder he hadn't had any friends. No wonder he had been unhappy.

"You may have been alone, but you were loyal. You were serving God in the way an exorcist is supposed to." The Other said, stepping out of nowhere to appear next to him. "Now look at you, you've discarded your Order and your God for some humans who are all just going to die anyway." The Other sneered. "Look at how far you've fallen; these friends of yours have made you weak. You don't deserve to wear that rose cross or claim to be an exorcist of God. You claim you want to destroy the Earl, but in reality don't have the strength for such a task." Cross froze, stung by the Other's words.

It wasn't-it wasn't true. Even if he was protecting his friends, he was still an exorcist and he was helping people, he was doing the right thing. The Order was evil; he could defeat the Earl without them. The Other grinned.

"You don't understand, you can't serve the Order and not believe in it at the same time. Face it, you've strayed off the righteous path, you're a heathen who has sacrificed his beliefs for something as immaterial as friendship. It's sickening to see you feign loyalty to a cause you abandoned long ago." Cross frowned trying not to let the Other's words affect him. He was an exorcist; he was protecting the world from the Earl. But his mind couldn't help but wander to his comrades fighting Akuma at headquarters, how he and his friends had left-abandoned- that gruesome battle to wage their own war. But that wasn't-they wouldn't-

"Oh look" the Other grinned suddenly, pulling Cross from his guilty thoughts. "Speak of the devil."

Cross looked up to see a younger version of his Master saunter into the room. Cross hadn't had time to think of it, but he really hoped the man was okay. The guilt and worry were starting to put doubt into his mind. He should be at headquarters, protecting his much older Master. He should be standing by his fellow exorcists against the horde of Akuma. He should be there fighting for the Order. The illusionary Master clapped his hands cheerfully, addressing his students.

"Alright children, it's everyone's favorite time of year, I've just gotten my list of our newest Inductees and my what sweet kids they are. I hope all of you will treat them nicely now and make them feel welcome. I'm pairing each of you with a new member so you can train together today and it would also be nice if you showed them around later." He cleared his throat and consulted his list.

"Lessee here. Martin Watson? Yes you lad, you're paired with Mr. Holmes over there, the frightening looking boy with the messy black hair." The blonde boy was pushed over to his reluctant partner. The other boy, Benedict, stiffly greeted him, before continuing to poke a dead bug. "Richard Grayson? You're with Mr. Wayne who is… dammit where is that boy?" Master jumped as said boy materialized out of the shadows behind him. Master grinned awkwardly and placed the terrified young Inductee in front of him. "Here you go, try not to lose him okay?" Once they had materialized back into the shadows, Master looked down at the list again.

"Now um Miss. Logan," he looked around. "Would Elizabeth Logan please step forward, now don't be shy dearest. You'll be paired with another firearm Accommodator like you named Marian Cross, Cross raise your hand so Lizzy can see you." Cross watched as Lizzy walked in, missing two or three years and as many inches, but still undeniably Lizzy. She flipped her long hair and stared off into space, looking extremely unhappy to be there.

"Lizzy" he said reaching out, but was stopped by the Other. He watched as Lizzy walked rigidly over to where his younger self stood. A curt hello passed between them and suddenly he could feel the animosity sparking between them and see the others stepping back warily as the beginnings of a legendary rivalry were formed. He smiled just a little; they still had a long way to go and a lot to learn.

"Look at where this got you, where _she_ put you" the Other spat venomously. "On the run from the organization you swore your life to serve, conspiring with a goddamned Noah and you're still not any better for it, you claim you want to get stronger to protect your friends but they are in fact the source of your weakness!" Cross shook his head, no, that wasn't- he refused to believe it. He blinked and all the exorcists turned to glare at him, most looked wounded, some with injuries that were surely fatal. They held out there hands in a bitter and accusatory fashion.

"You left us, you abandoned us for the Noah you traitor." One boy muttered, a dark liquid dripping from his mouth. Another girl, the one younger Cross had callously brushed off, also spoke.

"Were we not important enough that you had to seek your comfort in the enemy?" he took a step back as they came upon him. He shook his head, no, he wanted to protect everyone, he didn't-didn't abandon them and Neah wasn't-he wasn't-

He backed into someone and he knew who it was even before he turned; he would recognize the feel of her silky hair anywhere. It was Lizzy. Her pale, bloody arms, wrapped tightly around his body and he found that he couldn't break out of her grasp. She was covered in blood, coloring her chestnut hair a dark, dirty brown. Her face was hollow, bruised and absent of any emotion that he could tell. She parted her lips leaning up to him as blood dribbled down her chin.

"I know that you've always wanted to kiss me haven't you? I've seen the way you look at me." He tried to break away, but her grip was strong and her sultry words strangely compelling. The other exorcists drew closer to them. She touched his face. "You can have me now if you like, you just let it all go and we'll be together finally, isn't that what you wanted? Isn't that why you left your detestable God? So you could chase me?" She said leaning into his ear.

"I can give you everything you want." She whispered in a soft voice that sounded like Lizzy, but lacked all of her warmth. She ran her corpse-like fingers through his hair. "All you have to do is surrender. Forget about the fighting, the war, the Order and just stay here forever with me." F-forever… She bit her lip cheekily, looking up with her dead, vacant eyes "All I want in return is your heart." H-his heart? She smiled and pulled back a little, taking her hand from his face and reeling back.

"Yes Cross darling" she whispered seductively. "Give me your heart!" She shouted, bringing her hand forward with lightning speed as if to pierce his chest, but before she could penetrate a voice echoed through the darkened room.

"Cross!" Lizzy (_no, _Cross thought shaking his head, _she wasn't Lizzy, she was just another one of the Noah girl's illusions_) stopped her hand and gaped up at the nonexistent ceiling at the sound of Neah's voice. Cross looked up, with her wondering where his friend's voice was coming from. "Cross can you hear me? Whatever Rhode is showing you it's not real! You have to come back!" Cross pushed not-Lizzy away, grabbing his head as the fog cleared from his mind.

The exorcists, no the illusions, around him recovered from their daze and began to come at him again. He frowned and punched the person nearest to them in the face causing them to stumble and fall onto the other zombified exorcists.

"To get out of the dream you have to kill Rhode's body in there. She likes to take the form of those closest to her victim, so me, Maria, Liz-" Cross spun on his heels to see Lizzy with tears gathering in her eyes mixing with the blood on her face. _She wasn't Lizzy, she wasn't,_ he told himself as he took in every aspect of her form which perfectly mimicked that of his friend. Before he could think about it any longer, he rushed her and grabbed ahold of her head. Not-Lizzy began to cry and he felt her soft blood stained hands on his face.

"Please Cross don't do this, please you said you would always protect me." She garbled as the tears fell freely. "Please, you're scaring me, please you know that I love y-" He couldn't listen anymore and with a brief prayer for forgiveness, he twisted her head until he heard her neck snap. Nothing but a gasp escaped her as her dead and paralyzed body hit the ground with a loud thud. As soon as she hit the ground, she dissolved into the floor and once again the ground broke beneath him. He didn't even have time to cry out as once again he found himself standing on open air, falling back into the abyss.

He awoke with a start taking a deep gasping breath, feeling his heart race which still reeling from the excitement of the fall. He was slumped on the ground leaning against a tree. He looked down to find the real Judgment gripped loosely in his hand. Neah's hands were firmly planted on his shoulders shaking him back into awareness. Cross looked up to find his friend mere centimeters from his face.

"Oh thank God you're awake, come on we need to go! Hurry, there's not much time!" Cross was pulled rapidly to his feet as he was given a chance to examine Neah. He was bloody, his shirt was in tatters, barely holding together and he was covered in all sorts of cuts and bruises that had yet to heal. Worse than anything was the panicked, fearful look on his face. His eyes were wide and under the blood, he could see how pale his face was. Tears fell down his face as he shakily grabbed Cross's hand and started running out of the forest.

"Please hurry, oh God, I don't know what to do, oh God Lizzy." Lizzy. Cross's heart stopped, he had killed her. He gripped his head, no that hadn't been Lizzy that had been the Noah girl, Rho-

"Neah?" Neah stopped his dragging long enough to look up at his sister. She had tears in her eyes as she looked up at him with fear and sadness. She looked so small, so helpless there rubbing her neck unconsciously, staring at Neah, at the brother who had betrayed her. "Neah why? Please just-just tell me why. Why would you leave us for the exorcists?" She took a breath. "Why would you-" She shouted, closing her eyes letting the tears fall.

Neah released Cross's hand and walked over to her. He lightly gripped her shoulders and gave her forehead a light kiss; she just looked down and continued to cry.

"I'm sorry" he said quietly taking a moment to run his hand through her hair.

He then gripped the back of her hair and rammed her hard against a tree, so hard Cross could hear her skull shatter against the bark. Cross gaped, Neah, his friend, his gentle kind and loving friend, had just killed her without a second thought. Her lifeless body crumpled to the ground hollowly. Neah stared down at her before turning to address him, to reassure him.

"Don't worry, she'll live." Neah said taking a deep breath allowing the tears to continue falling, he ignored them as he weightily said the words Cross had hoped to never hear "but-but Lizzy won't."

**{A few minutes earlier}**

-and protect the things that I love!" Neah charged his brother summoning up his energy to enter the fight again. He knew he couldn't keep this up forever and soon no amount of willpower could keep him standing. Denis was only mildly prepared for his assault and the look of surprise on his face gave Neah a small amount of satisfaction. Denis couldn't move fast enough and Neah got him good.

His fist pounded into his older brother's stomach and he felt no less than five ribs snap under him. While Denis doubled over, Neah brought his other elbow up and delivered a hefty blow to the back of his neck. It cracked like a nice Maine lobster and soon Denis was on his knees. Neah wouldn't make the same mistakes he made with the others; he would not give Denis the chance to do anything clever. He would end this here and now.

"It's over Denis; I'm not letting you hurt anyone else." Below him, Denis started to laugh.

"Well aren't you something Neah? It seems that you grew some balls when I wasn't looking." Denis said giving his neck a light massage as it stitched itself back together. "To show you how proud I am of you, I think I'll do you the honor of giving you a really cool and manly death, something to impress that girl of yours before she dies." Neah was bearing down on him as Denis slowly got up off of his knees.

"Reject!" Denis shouted suddenly and the world exploded. Neah was blown back by the force slamming painfully into yet another tree. _Crap,_ he thought. _He rejected the oxygen in the air creating an explosion; I can't get near him without_- His strength was beginning to fade as he pulled his body from the tree. He caught sight of Denis's silhouette as the remnants of his attack began to fade. Neah took a deep breath and gathered his dark matter, one last attack to end it all.

Either Denis would be defeated or Neah's energy would run out leaving him vulnerable.

The dark energy cackled at his fingers tips. He had never cared for it, using it only in passing and when it was necessary. It was ironic that he was finally using it now, to destroy another Noah. That was life he supposed. He really wished it didn't have to come down to this, that he didn't have to kill all these people just to survive. He swore that one day he wouldn't have to, that he would become strong enough that he could save himself and everyone else without any more blood on his hands.

"Denis!" he shouted and through the fog, he saw the dark blonde turn his way "catch!" With a grunt he sent the ball of concentrated dark matter in his direction. With his energy completely gone, Neah fell to his knees. He heard the impact of energy on flesh and even felt a few drops of blood dot his hands even from this far away. He closed his eyes against this feeling. He had hit him, that was good right?

Taking another second to catch his breath, Neah struggled to his feet and only managed that by leaning against a broken tree. As much as he hated all this bloodshed, he really hoped Denis would stay dead this time because there was no way in hell Neah could do that again. He gripped his chest where his Inner Noah continued to scream in agony. Ignore it; he had more important things worry about. He hoped Lizzy and Mana were okay and speaking of which where the hell had Cross wandered off to? Hadn't he been with them? That son of a bitch had better be alright or Neah would resurrect him just to kill him again.

The fog from Denis's rejection still hung densely in the air and he didn't see Denis's body until he had almost tripped over his leg. The first thing he noticed was that there was blood everywhere. It seems that Neah really had hit him good. He choked down a gulp. At least now he wouldn't be hurting them, or anyone else, ever again. His heart didn't listen to such logic and continued to pound him with guilt.

He unconsciously brushed his cheek, expecting the tears to be flowing freely, but was mildly perturbed to find nothing. So that meant Denis was still alive. He knelt down closer and was finally able to see the full extent of the damage he had caused.

It was frightening.

Denis had a large hole in his side from his left shoulder all the way down to his hip and it cut in to about where his spine should be. The fact that Neah had probably just missed his heart was probably the only thing that was keeping Denis alive right now. Even covered in his own blood, lying there on the ground with his own death rapidly speeding toward him, Denis still managed to look victorious. There was a light smile on his face as he looked up at Neah with a mischievous glint in his eye.

"W-well played li-little b-brother." He choked as blood poured out of his mouth, no doubt because he was missing at least one of his lungs. "I-I lo-lose this-this b-b-battle, b-but-but I'll-I'll b-be sure to-to b-beat yo-you n-next time." Neah looked down at Denis, for all his faults, he had done his best to be friendly to Neah in his own strange way. Neah laid a gentle hand on his brother's remaining limb; it wasn't much, but at least his brother wouldn't die alone. "T-that's a-a p-pretty b-b-brave g-girl yo-you h-have there Ne-Neah." The smile widened. "It's to-too b-bad she-she w-wasn't fa-fast e-enough." Neah's heart skipped one beat and then another, he stood up and looked around, where were they?

Where was Lizzy?

Denis chuckled a little bit, an awful, grating laugh that grew softer with each moment as his life drained away and Neah moved further away. By the time Neah eventually did find Mana and Lizzy, he could already feel the tears streaming down his face.

And not all of them were Denis.

She was lying on the ground, but he couldn't see how she was doing as Mana was kneeling in front of her. His heart dropped to the lowest levels as he stood behind Mana in disbelief. Lizzy. Oh no Lizzy. No, not her, no she couldn't-she couldn't be hurt. He had promised that he wouldn't let her die.

"L-Lizzy?" He asked falling next to Mana; she turned her eyes up toward his. Oh God. She was bleeding everywhere. When Denis activated his reject, the shrapnel from the trees exploding must have… The tears that had originally been for Denis soon fell onto her pale face. She was wounded enough as she was, with all those deep cuts in her legs and legs she stood even half a chance. If that were all he'd be doing his damndest to staunch the bleeding and save her life.

But the large chunk of tree buried through her chest kept his hands still and the tears flowing. "L-Lizzy?" For once she couldn't put up a brave face, she couldn't smile and tell him it was okay, she just stared and gave his hand a light squeeze.

"C-cro-ss." She muttered, turning her eyes over to Mana. Mana could only stare down at her. He was slowly tying off the worst of her injuries elsewhere, but it was only delaying the inevitable.

"Cross heard a noise and he went to check it out." Mana replied robotically, not evenly looking over at Neah as he ripped up more of his coat for Lizzy's wounds. "I heard him talking to someone, it sounded like a little girl. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but I heard your name mentioned." Neah looked down at Lizzy and gave her forehead a loving kiss before he ran off to find his other friend. What would he do if Cross was already dead? Lie down and die? His heart ached painfully, he couldn't save her, he couldn't save her, he couldn't-

**DGMDGMDGM**

-save her. Cross stared out the window of the train. He held the stolen coat closer to his body to calm his shaking fists. He couldn't help but look over at the empty seat where _she_ should be sitting. She would probably be asleep, drooling in an unladylike matter that he would tease her for later. Or maybe she would sit up with them and congratulate them on their victory.

But the seat remained empty and she was still dead. Dead like Maria and dead like any sort of hope that remained in him. Lizzy. He closed his eyes against the tears, he couldn't cry, not now, not in front of Neah. Neah was curled up in the seat next to him wearing stolen coat number two. His head was leaning against Cross's arm, hugging himself tightly in what appeared to be a most painful manner. Cross was certain if he checked he would find his friend's eyes wide open, staring at the very same empty seat that Cross was. Where did it all go wrong?

Cross sighed and leaned back, gently so not to disturb Neah's self-imposed penance and tore his eyes from that damnable empty seat to stare back out the window. They had made it to the train station and purchased their tickets to Oxford. It was a little less than a hundred kilometers from London, something they would normally be cheering about, but Lizzy's… absence made any victory seem bitter and tasteless.

What would they do now? He supposed they should go stop the Earl now, to avenge not one, but two friends' wrongful deaths, but he just couldn't muster the will anymore. He had been devastated by Maria's death, he loved her dearly, but Lizzy-Lizzy had been very special to him, to Neah as well. For both of them she had been their first friend and their first love. Cross felt the loss echo painfully in his heart and his eyes wandered back to that empty seat.

Would he ever feel that way about someone again? Would he ever be able to be that comfortable with anyone else but her? To know their every mood and thought from a glance? His time with Lizzy had taught him how invaluable his friends were to him, the question was, could he learn to live without them again now that-now that they were gone for good?

Lizzy's last moments flashed through his mind and he leaned quietly against the seat, trying to keep the noise down. If he was going to cry, he would at least do it so Neah wouldn't notice. He brought his hand to his face to stop the angry tears before they fell. Goddammit Li-

_-zzy! Lizzy, oh my God, Neah what are we going to do?" Cross had barely recovered from his battle with the Noah girl and now-and now. Cross wasn't a doctor, but he was a soldier and he had seen people die from far better wounds. He fell to his knees next to his friend, his love and his world. He gripped the hard and charred ground, leaning his head down on Lizzy's shoulder much like he did just a few days ago with Maria. He breath hitched as the tears flowed shamelessly. This wasn't a time to be cool or to make an impression, this was a time to say goodbye to someone he didn't think he could live without. _

_Neah flopped on her other side, grabbing her hand and bringing it up to his face as he kissed it over and over, muttering something indistinguishable into her soft, vulnerable flesh. _

"_L-Lizzy, can I-can I get you anything?" Mana asked meekly from his spot at Lizzy's feet. Cross wanted to snap at him, to demand that he leave, to say that this was a private moment between friends and that he had no right to be here. But that wouldn't be fair to Mana, the poor clown looked utterly distraught with a look of hopelessness on his face as he watched Lizzy slowly slip away. _

_The corners of her mouth twitched vaguely upwards and it hurt so badly. Cross began to stroke her blood streaked hair as he stared down into her eyes, memorizing every line and crease in her face. He never wanted to forget this; he wanted her face to be with him always. What would he do if he woke up one day years from now and realized he couldn't remember the exact shade of her warm, brown eyes? _

"_Lizzy, I love you." Cross stated suddenly, capturing her eyes. It was dark and he couldn't quite distinguish all of her features, but he could feel her gaze on him. "I've always loved you Lizzy and I will never stop loving you until the day I die." He put his free fist to his mouth as he slowly started to lose his nerve, but he had to say this before she was out of reach and she couldn't hear him anymore. He shakily pulled his hand back and continued. _

"_We're going to keep fighting for you Liz, Neah, Mana and I, and we're going to go kick that son of a bitch the Millennium Earl's ass just for you and Maria and-and when it's over we're going to come see you again and we'll all be together again. This isn't goodbye, I'll find you again, I promise." There, he'd managed to get it all out. He tried to will away his tears as they were beginning to blur his vision and thus his image of Lizzy. _

"_I-I love you too Lizzy, I didn't get to know you all that well, but you're a damned good woman and you've-you've done wonders to my brother and-and I want to thank you for that. I just-I just wish I could've done more." Mana said bringing his hand to cover his eyes while his other hand lay protectively on her ankle. _

"_I don't think I can say something any more honest or beautiful than what the two of them have said." Neah said in a surprisingly calm voice. Cross looked up to his friend who Cross had expected to be hysterical by now. Neah was still holding Lizzy's hand to his cheek, letting his silent tears roll quickly down his face. _

"_I'm glad I met you." He whispered quietly into her hand, turning to stare lovingly down into her eyes. "No matter how far the distance between us, one day I will be with you again. When all of this is over, when we're in the next life enjoying the peaceful new world that we created here and now, I will never leave your side again and we'll be together always." Neah looked up at him and held out his other shaking hand over Lizzy's body and Cross reached over and grasped his hand tightly, enjoying the feel of his warm, rugged skin. Neah turned his smile back down at Lizzy._

"_Just believe in us Lizzy, we'll make things right again, just you wait and see. The Earl is going down; the exorcists will be free from the chains the Order places on them." He smiled and Cross thought it was the saddest thing he had ever seen. "And we'll finally enjoy the peace we've wanted so badly, all of us, when this is over, we'll all be there. I promise, but I'm going to miss you until then." Lizzy gave a wheezing sigh._

"_Ne-Neah" A light squeeze to Neah's hand. "C-C-Cross," Her fingers tightened briefly around his own hand. "I-I lo-ove you b-both so-so much." She said as her own tears flowed, it was coming soon, he held her hand tighter trying to will away the unavoidable. _

"_B-but yo-you k-know how p-p-pushy M-Maria c-can be. She-she needs me n-now." She stared up at the sky with sadness and longing. "The-the stars are so-so b-beauti-ful t-tonight. M-makes me fe-feel l-like I'm j-just a small p-part of-of t-this b-bigger w-w-world. T-take c-are or each-each other, b-b-because no one-no one else will." She said nothing more and a few moments later, still staring at the stars she loved so much, not looking at either of them, she took her last breath and the most beautiful person in the world went to place where all exorcists go._

_As her head lolled to the side, Mana lowered his head and began to mutter something, it sounded like a prayer, under his breath. Neah shoulder's shook fitfully as his control slowly slipped away along with the last remnants of Lizzy's soul._

"_Lizzy! Lizzy come back! Lizzy please! Lizzy don't leave!" Mana reached over and laid a hand on his brother's shoulder as Neah began to sob. Neah looked up at him and leaned his head on his brother's shoulder still sobbing. "Please Lizzy, please…" he said quieting down. _"_Please don't leave me alone." Cross looked down at Lizzy, at the nightmare that had always haunted him now suddenly a reality. _

_He leaned down and planted a kiss on her cheek and with as much courage as he could muster, gently closed her blank eyes, still locked onto the stars. He was shaking; he realized after a moment, it was colder now that the sun had set but he was now just realizing it. He looked up at Neah who was still buried into Mana's shoulder, trying to find some solace from the bitter world. _

_Cross frowned, Neah was too kind for this sort of pain, but Cross wasn't. He had to be strong for his friend, the only one left. He stood up and tried to look as calm as possible, for Lizzy, they couldn't stop here or her death would have been useless. And that was worse than anything else._

"_Neah." He looked up at him sniffling. "Let's bury her, we couldn't give Maria that luxury, but out here under the stars, it's the least we can give to Lizzy." Neah fitfully rubbed at his eyes._

"_You-you want to bury her? Al-already? Is that-is that all it takes f-for you? Five minutes of-of mourning and then-and then you move on!?" Neah shouted incredulously. Cross tried to keep a straight face against his friend's words, remembering what Mana had said earlier. _

"_Of course not, Neah." He replied softly, trying not to let the words affect him. "But-but" come on, he had to say it "Lizzy is dead and we need to go. We can't leave her out here unburied so let's do it now so she can finally have her peace." Neah just continued to cry. "I know it hurts Neah and I'm hurting just like you are, but we have to defeat the Earl, like we promised Lizzy and Maria. We have to keep moving forward remember?" Neah glared up at him._

"_Moving forward?" he spat "Where the hell are we supposed to go now that Lizzy is gone? I don't-I don't know what to do anymore! It's gone, everything is gone and you're talking about moving forward you son of a bitch! Well unlike you, I can't forget about her so easily, I loved her!"_

_Cross looked down at his friend, unable to keep the hurt from his eyes. They shouldn't be fighting like this, not after they'd just lost the girls, not when they needed each other the most. He had to keep strong for Neah until he had a chance to get a grip on himself and start back on the path they had been walking, for good or for ill, for three years. But still, Cross would not let Neah get away with calling him heartless. Not when Lizzy was concerned._

"_Don't you know Neah" he said quietly, looking his friend right in the eye, Neah tried to look away but Cross held his gaze. "Don't you know that I loved her too?" a moment of quiet. Neah looked away shamefully, looking down at a spot just next to Lizzy's head._

"_Yeah, yeah of course I do, I- I'm sorry, really, I-I didn't mean it. This is-this is hard for all of us and I'm-I'm not making things any easier. Y-you're right, we need to-need to bury her and-and get moving. She'd be-she'd be pretty disappointed if we let this stop us." Neah choked out, leaning his hands on the ground, Cross put a hand on his head and ruffled his messy, matted hair. At least he was trying. Neah stumbled drunkenly to his feet with a pained look on his face. The three of them stared down at the body wondering just what they would do with it. Cross cleared his throat._

"_There are some large chucks on wood that we could use as shovels. We won't be able to go very deep but it's-it's better than nothing." He said, Neah nodded and mechanically began shoveling into the earth. Cross stared at him for a moment before following his lead. Neah was a big boy after all, if he wanted to talk he would come to him, but Cross would leave him alone until that moment came. _

_Who knows how much time passed, an hour, two? But still sooner than he would've liked, the grave was deep enough and wide enough to fit Lizzy. It had been easy to talk about burying her before, but now he wasn't sure he could do it now that the moment had come upon them. He and Mana gently lifted her body and laid her in the ground. The three of them stared into the hole blankly, wondering how to proceed._

"_Does um anyone want to say anything?" Mana asked, wiping the dirt from his palms. Neah looked down at the ground and Cross turned to the sky. What was there left to say to a corpse? Everything he had to say to her she already knew, that girl knew him inside and out. His fingernails bit into his palms._

"_I'm going to kill him." Neah said softly, staring into his bloodstained hands. "I'm going to kill the Millennium Earl for Rachel and Rachel, Bookman junior, General Stein, Maria, L-Lizzy and all those other people I didn't know, I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I will make sure he never takes another friend from me." The wind whistled its approval as Mana and Cross exchanged looks, feeling the significance of the event. Cross had the distinct feeling crawling up the back of his neck that Neah intended on keeping his promise one way or another. _

Things are about to get crazy,_ he surmised quietly as he wondered where this road would lead them. He just hoped they'd stay together. They'd been through too much to drift apart now. Neah opened his mouth to say something else, but instead turned away and held himself as the wind blew and he looked off into the distance. Mana put his coat around his brother's shoulders and kissed his head._

"_Come on, we're almost done. Let's put her to rest and then get out of here before any other unexpected guests show up." Neah nodded and kicked a little dirt in. It fell on her hands which lay on her chest. Neah took a deep breath and Cross thought he was going to start crying again._

"_I love you Lizzy and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."_

_Tim fluttered anxiously around them as they slowly piled on the dirt. They worked hard to keep it off her face until finally it was unavoidable. It nearly broke Cross to think that the soft lips he had always imagined kissing would now only touch dirt from now on. He couldn't think about that or he would never be able to get through this. The dirt rose and pretty soon he couldn't see her anymore. It was done. _

_Tim landed on Neah's shoulder and snuggled into his tangled hair as if to comfort his Master. Neah brought up a hand and absently reassured the little golem. Cross's eyes wandered back over to the woods, he wanted to talk to Neah about it, but wasn't sure how to broach the subject._

"_Let's go" Neah said without warning, tugging Mana's coat so it covered his lanky frame and began walking in the direction of town. Cross and Mana stood there stunned at Neah's behavior. There was a difference between composure and apathy and Neah was leaning toward the latter._

"_That's it?" Cross asked disbelievingly "We're leaving?" Neah stopped and turned to him with a hard look in his eyes that was almost worse than the tears._

"_I made a promise and I intend to keep it. There is nothing here for us now so it's best that we keep moving. Lizzy wouldn't have it any other way." Cross scoffed. _

"_You know what I mean Neah, what about the Noah girl, Rhode? She's still out there, what are we going to do about her?" _

"_You mean she's not dead? I thought you boys took care of her." Mana started nervously as he twiddled his thumbs, looking around for another threat to appear._

"_It's fine, just leave her. She probably already left by now anyways; I heard her moving a little while ago, while we were digging the grave." _

"_And you're okay with that!?" Cross shouted. "You say you want to destroy the Earl, but to get through him you have to get through his lackeys first. You know that little bitch is going to go right back to Edo and tell the Earl right where we are-"_

"_She won't" Neah replied quietly with some uncertainty._

"_How do you know Neah? She's a Noah for Christ's sake! You can't trust those sons of bitches!" Cross shouted._

"_Oh so does that mean you don't trust me?" Neah sneered and Cross winced. Neah's gaze softened a little and he ran his hand through his hair. "You're right, I have no proof that she won't tell, but I just don't think she will. I know she's a Noah and I know she's evil, but-but-" he rubbed his eyes roughly. _"_I just couldn't Cross, okay there you have it, after Lizzy I-I just couldn't kill her. She wasn't like the others, she was sweet and I cared for her and I just couldn't do it." Mana looked away, but Cross just looked at his friend as he regained his composure. _

"_You can hate me for it and I'll take full responsibility for whatever happens, but I just kept thinking that if I destroyed the Earl and the rest of the Noah, then she could be free." Neah smiled a little, looking up to the stars. "You and Lizzy and Maria showed me how precious life is, and-and I want to preserve that life as much as possible. If she could make it out of this ordeal, alive and away from the Earl's influence then maybe I wouldn't have failed everyone." _

"_Neah, I'm not sure, I think-" Cross put a hand on Mana's shoulder, silencing him._

"_I trust you Neah, I think you're crazy, but I trust you." Cross said giving his longtime friend a small smile. Neah nodded gratefully and took a deep breath addressing that endless sky. Somewhere up there Lizzy was twinkling as brightly as she had on earth. It brought a little relief to his broken heart._

"_We're gonna go now Lizzy, we'll see you soon alright?" Neah said and Cross grinned and walked past his friend, clapping him gently on the back._

"_Hopefully not that soon, we still have a lot of work to do and the two of them will be pissed if we come back empty-handed." He brought his fist up. "Let's make them proud okay?" Neah nodded and ignored Cross's fist to ruffle his hair. They turned their backs and walked forward, one step at a time._

**DGMDGMDGM**

The train whistle blew and Cross blinked himself into awareness, wondering where the time had gone. The light was just starting to peak out over the horizon as the fast moving train distorted the sun's rays. He blinked calmly, watching as the light slowly consumed the dusty hills.

This would be the first time the sun would rise on a world without Lizzy Logan. Logically he knew this was not true and even for him it had only really been true for the last few years or so, but still, it seemed that the sun was just a little dimmer without Lizzy here to share it with. It was all just so wrong. He found his eyes drawn back to that empty seat, the seat where his friend should be sitting.

"Cross, I want you and Mana to go home, or at the very least get away from me." Cross looked down at Neah, who was still propped up against his shoulder. Cross couldn't help but sigh in annoyance, he had been expecting this, but it still pissed him off. Did Neah really think things like that would help?

"Nea-" Neah turned his head to glare up at him before rolling his eyes over to his brother. Mana sat across from Neah, completely dead to the world. They spoke in hushed voices so not to disturb his well-deserved slumber.

"I'm serious." Neah continued to glare, but it dissipated quickly, melting back into that look of guilt and exhaustion he'd been sporting the last few days. "It's way too dangerous to be around me. I cannot-will not lose any more friends to this war, to my family. I can finish this on my own and I can make it through knowing that you and Mana are safe."

"Bullshit," Cross called, folding his arms. He felt his friend's head loll with the movement, a silent reminder that he was still here. "I know you Neah; we've been friends a long time. You're going to go do something stupid and get yourself killed before you can even lay a finger on the Earl. And how good will your promise you made to Lizzy and Maria be then?" Neah winced, indicating that Cross had hit a sore spot.

But Cross understood. Neah was watching his friends, his reason for fighting, die in front of him. Of course he would propose this; he was trying to protect him and Mana from further disaster. It was what any good friend would do. And it was his job as a friend to refuse him.

"We're not leaving Neah. We made a promise, Lizzy died keeping that promise she made with us a long time ago in Derry. If I were to leave now, then I would be discrediting not only our promise, but everything we have sacrificed to get here." He shifted his shoulder to make sure Neah was paying attention. "There is nowhere I'd rather be than right here fighting with you." Neah sniffed and sat up as he rubbed his reddened eyes. Cross smiled, pretending not to notice as he nodded in Mana's direction "And while I certainly can't speak for him, I'm sure Mana feels the same way."

"I suppose there's no arguing with you." Neah said with a small smile, leaning against his seat.

"About time you realized that, it would've saved a lot of time and trouble if you just would've realized that three years ago." Neah chuckled a little and stared at the empty seat with Cross.

"Do you think she's okay, up there I mean?" Cross looked back out the window where the sun continued to rise. _You are watching this aren't you?_ He thought with a smile, _except you and Maria have the best view in the house. _He put his hands to the glass, feeling a little more at ease knowing she hadn't really left. She would always be watching him and she would be waiting for him when his time came.

"Yeah of course, you know her; she's probably already running the place by now, getting those in angels in line and all. You know how bossy she could be." Neah smiled and rolled his eyes up to the ceiling at the image.

"What a girl" Neah murmured half to himself, Cross nodded and the two of them stared out the window watching the sunrise, smiling to themselves, knowing that their two friends were watching it with them. They would fight the good fight and when they finally went on to their final reward, they could smile happily knowing that there would be two girls there to greet them with open arms.

* * *

_With you, my brown eyed girl  
You're my brown eyed girl. ~ Van Morrison_

* * *

I am so sorry. So very, very sorry. I never thought I would be making this apology for this death (an outcome that was sealed from the very first moment dear, sweet Lizzy appeared) but I also never thought that my little OC would receive so much love. I'm astounded to say the least at all the reviews I have received telling me how much people liked Lizzy's character and begging that I not kill her. So while I'm sad I have to disappoint you all, at least I won't be alone in my tears. OC's are difficult. People usually hate them, you've got to find the right balance to make them work with the real characters and you've got to make them believable people and not the ever hatable Mary sues. I suppose I did something right with my assertive and slightly insecure exorcist if people liked her so much. Thank you so much for all your reviews, they make me happy (please don't stop now that Lizzy is dead, I really do like reviews :)) Thank you to all the people who supported these characters, OC or not, through this difficult journey. Thank you for all the love and support I have received.

By the by, for those of you who were trying to guess how Lizzy would die, I bet absolutely no one saw death by tree. If you did well stop hacking my computer. Lizzy was going to die of her infection which had been steadily getting worse. She would have staggered on another day or so before out and out collapsing. But I caved. I couldn't hurt her anymore so I wimped out, not only does she die relatively quickly, but she dies in battle as an exorcist. I'm getting soft in my old age.

Also you hardcore DGM fans may have noticed the parallels between the big fights here and the fight Allen, Lavi, Lenalee and Chaoji have on Noah's Arc with Tyki and Rhode. It starts at about chapter 112 to about 124 with some very obvious differences. No one dies in DGM and my Cross is shaken from Rhode's dream before she can really screw with his mind like she did Lavi and Denis actually does die and not go psycho Noah on everyone. There are even some near direct quotes from DGM here, see if you can spot them. By the way, I don't own anything just so you all know. I am not secretly Katsura Hoshino is disguise much as I'd like to be, then I'd understand the current DGM canon.

In related news, I put up character profiles up on my account. I had hoped to get these up before I started killing off main characters but you know how it is. As always, FF is trying to obstruct my desire to show off drawings so if the links don't work, please tell me. Thank you again for reading and I will see those who do not want to kill me for Lizzy's death on Tuesday the 14th.

I guess I also have to thank my beta because she's getting upset that I haven't mentioned her in a while. Maybe it's because she's done nothing but look over the last few chapters and has made no major changes to any chapter other than fix spelling mistakes. Or maybe it's because she's determined to get me sucked into another lengthy fic which will undoubtedly take up all my free time for the next several months or so. So yeah, thanks a lot Going Sideways now where's my story?

_Brown Eyed Girl_ (c) Van Morrison.


	24. Hey You

_Disclaimer: I do not own any part of D. Gray-man nor any of its characters. I can only close my eyes and quietly play dress up with said characters in my head and hope I'm not desecrating Hoshino Katsura's work too much._

For those of you who care, Author's Notes will be at the end of every chapter and any and all questions will be gleefully answered if asked.

* * *

_Hey you, out there in the cold_

_Getting lonely, getting old, can you feel me?_

_Hey you, standing in the aisles_

_With itchy feet and fading smiles, can you feel me?_

_Hey you, don't help them to bury the light_

_Don't give in, without a fight._

* * *

They got off the train in Oxford feeling a lot better than when they had got on. _Good, _Mana thought, _their hearts deserved a little reprieve from their sufferings_. After all, everything those poor boys had suffered was his fault. Mana Walker walked slightly behind the two young men, nervously twitching his fingers, hoping they wouldn't be able to see his plainly obvious guilt.

_They'll hate me, both of them and they'll look at me with their sad, angry faces and-_

So far they had been too heartbroken to see it, but they were smart boys, they would see soon enough. He brought his knuckle up to his mouth and began to gnaw on it, an old habit he had thought he had dropped years ago. He hadn't slept a wink all night, well, all morning as it was. He'd just _pretended_ to, he nodded to himself. He may be a clown, but he could be clever when he wanted to be. He had _pretended_ to sleep; he had listened to the boys whisper amongst themselves, talking about the girl- _good, yes, like little boys ought to_-It made him feel happy that they were recovering and oh so guilty at the same time.

It was his fault that the pretty young lady had died -_Not the first one, he hadn't even been in the same town when she had died and besides she was older than him so she wasn't a young lady, but an-._ Mana narrowed is eyes as he trailed further behind his brother and his friend. If he brought his guilt, Mana was sure Neah would brush him off with smile like he always did when Mana was upset, but he knew-

_He knew!_

-that Neah was already secretly hating him, planning some way to do him in that would be appropriate for him heinous crime. And Mana would accept his punishment without complaint because he deserved it. He was guilty as sin, guilty as the time he stole that bourbon from his father's drawer-

_I'm so sorry father; I didn't mean to, I was wrong!_

-guilty as that crazy person killing prostitutes in London or was it hookers?

Ah never mind.

He'd had the watch that night in the broken home, he was supposed to guard them, to protect them, and they had trusted him. The other children were so tired from their physical and emotional battles and he was the oldest, he was supposed to keep them safe from the demons that sought them.

But he had fallen asleep. He frowned, no that wasn't quite right.

**HE HAD FALLEN ASLEEP! **

His shame and guilt were overpowering and he just wanted to crawl into a hole and die. He had fallen asleep and that girl had hurt her arm more and Neah had gotten injured and, worse yet, he had to watch his little brother kill two Noah-_PEOPLE!_- and then it just got worse and worse. If only he could've stayed awake, if only he had been able to keep an eye on the children, then everything would've been fine.

_There was nothing you could've done,_ a part of him whispered softly, _true you fell asleep, but you couldn't have fought those monsters and it didn't really have anything to do with Miss Elizabeth's death-_

_Of course he could've done something,_ he berated himself angrily. He was the oldest brother, he had to protect these children and already two of them had died because of him.

_But Mary wasn't there, but it was still his fault, he was sure of it. Someway, somehow he-_

He held himself, fighting off all these conflicting feelings as he trailed further behind the boys-

_Why was he letting little boys lead him? He was the eldest he should-_

-feeling confused, guilty and so very afraid.

He was scared, he was so scared, and he had never been so frightened for his own safety in all his life.

His eyes darted in front on him, resting the longest on his brother's back. Neah had his hands in the pockets of his coat; the little flying thing was perched on his shoulder- _I bet that little thing hates me too, he knows- _looking deceptively at ease.

But his face was a façade, Mana could tell.

His brother really hated him behind that light smile.

He had never known Neah could be so vicious. Mana hadn't believed it when he saw Neah fighting those monsters, it couldn't be his little brother giving and taking such punishment out there. Sweet Neah who was always clinging to his shirt seeking comfort from the outside world. Little Neah who cried every time Mana left him alone for too long. His baby brother who loved so much, it always ended up hurting him in the end.

Mana couldn't believe that the Neah of his memories was the Neah he saw before him now, tall, weary and with the troubled eyes of someone who had seen suffering unimaginable. Surely they couldn't be the same person, right? He took a deep breath to steady himself. He had to calm down and get himself together. He had already failed his brother once in the hospital and he wouldn't do it again here. Neah needed him now and he didn't need his brother losing his mind in the middle of the battle.

Though he'd like to, lose his mind that is, wouldn't that make things nicer, simpler?

"Mana!" He looked up to see Neah far ahead of him, giving him a bemused expression. "What are you doing standing back there?" Neah said sweetly, smiling so nicely at the brother who had failed him. Mana repressed a shiver to think what Neah was actually saying behind his shiny white teeth and loving words.

"We're going this way, come on, we don't want to leave you behind." His friend next to him gave Mana a look he couldn't pin down, before turning shyly away to look at his feet. Ah, so his friend knew as well, knew that Mana was to blame for the girls' death. He couldn't blame him and Neah, sweet little Neah, look at that smile. No one could smile like that after such tragedy; he was surely faking, hiding his true feelings from his brother.

Of course, he would only put up with such a failure for so long before he used that scary Noah power on him. Mana put up his own smile; if Neah could fake his happiness then he could as well.

"Coming brother!" He shouted, eliciting a response from the people around. By the time he caught up to the children, Neah was rubbing his neck, an old, familiar habit that seemed so strange on this new person who was wearing his brother's face.

"You don't have to be so loud you know." Neah muttered, giving Mana a light punch in the shoulder. How often had they done that? Wrestled on the floor and such? Had he been this afraid of his little brother back then? Back when Neah had been more than a head below him and still missing some of his baby teeth? Mana chuckled, nervously rubbing the spot where Neah had touched him. It didn't hurt, but Mana imagined that it could have, that had Neah chosen, he could've killed the clown right where he stood.

Yes, maybe losing his mind wasn't such a bad thing if little brothers were capable of such things.

"Ready Neah? We've got to keep moving forward remember?" Neah nodded cheerfully and they kept moving, walking off in a direction that frightened Mana. He was sure he would see Neah kill more people, he would see his brother's easy expression slowly morph into one of hate, he would watch as his world crumbled and where would that lead him? He smiled, clinging to the last bits of sanity for reasons he couldn't understand.

Why down the rabbit hole of course, down into a wonderland where things were right and there was no death and fighting and he and his brother could be happy. Yes, madness didn't seem like such a bad idea at this point.

**DGMDGMDGM**

_Just keeping smiling,_ Neah told himself, _just keep smiling and all will be well. _His cheeks were starting to hurt from the constant strain, but he kept smiling anyways. He had to or he was certain he would go crazy. Each step forward seemed harder as he knowingly walked closer to his death, to the death of his friends and he was scared and so terribly alone.

His body ached from Denis's last attack. For the first time since he could remember, his muscles were sore, his head pounded with sudden clarity and every part of his body was littered with half-healed cuts, bruises and scrapes. It was ironic that he had never felt more human than at this moment when he needed all of his superhuman strength most of all. His smile faltered a little bit as his thumbs traced the feel of his fingers with their dried blood and broken, peeling skin underneath.

He was dying, plain and simple; with everything that had happened, his Inner Noah just couldn't keep him alive much longer. He, like Lizzy and Maria, would not live to see his next birthday. They continued walking as they were. Mana walked aimlessly, staring ceaselessly up at the sky with a blank look on his face that worried Neah to no end. Cross was walking by his side, looking a little nervous for Mana as well, but was also discreetly scanning the area for Akuma or worse.

And Neah led the odd little procession through the towns, they were hoping to run into a train station that would take them to London, but they very much doubted that they would reach that great cesspool. The Noah were falling one by one and the Earl wouldn't put up with it forever. Sooner or later he was going to stop sending his Noah to slaughter and to fight Neah himself.

It couldn't be stopped, only delayed.

Cross himself was quite worried about such an encounter, he'd tried to bring it up to Neah but the bastard kept brushing him off. Neah was barely moving as it was, he would most certainly lose if he tried to fight the Earl now. They weren't ready; they weren't even close to ready. If the world was kind, they would have months to train and time enough to regain their strength, to gather more resources and supporters to help even the odds a little more.

But of course the world was not kind, so why did he even bother going there?

While Cross was trying to strategize their final battle with the Earl, Neah had his hands in his pockets, just enjoying the feel of the sunshine. He knew he wouldn't be around to enjoy it much longer, so he intended to make the best of it while he was here. His only real concern was Mana and Cross, he knew they had the best intentions by staying with him, but it also meant that would just as vulnerable when the Earl eventually caught up to him.

Neah was happy to die fighting the Earl, but he wouldn't drag the others down with him. Not again. He wished they would listen to reason for once and go home, somewhere safe and away from him where he could be assured of their safety and let him just die in peace. Tim flapped his wings as a cat on a nearby bench eyed him hungrily and Neah had to stroke the area between his horns to calm him down.

He yawned as yet another little town came and went, as much as he hated to say it, they were making great time without Lizzy to slow them down. He pushed his hands deeper into his pockets as he let his smile dip into a momentary frown; he did not just think that. How could he ever think Lizzy had slowed them down? Lizzy was-Lizzy is his whole world; he would never think something like that about her. He turned his head to sky where the sun was beginning to make its way downward and Neah was struck again by Lizzy's memory.

This time yesterday she had been alive, they had been walking side by side and she had been smiling, looking tired and sickly, but goddammit she had been there. Neah had thus far been able to push his grief out of his mind, instead turning to focus on the mission, but found all at once that he couldn't ignore her marked absence anymore. He brought his hand to his face to dispel tears; he couldn't lose it now, not when he had promised everyone he would keep going, they had to keep moving. They had to. He put one foot in front of the other and tried not think about the reality of Lizzy's death, about how he would never see her again.

Not on this earth that is.

'_Look at you, look at where you are, look at what these humans have done to you.'_

Neah raised an eyebrow in surprise; it had been awhile since his Inner Noah had decided to complain, since before he had left Edo in fact. He had been too busy and too worried to even think about the little bastard and now, when he was on the verge of breaking down, did it come back to haunt him.

_You can go back to sleep anytime now, _he said to himself. _I don't have time to deal with you or lamentations right now. I'm with the exorcists and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it._

'_Don't you think I realize that you fool?' _It hissed, _'you could've been something great my boy and instead look at where you are, marching to your death with only a couple of idiots by your side.'_

_Don't you-_ Neah started, but the sentient shadow in the back of his mind continued unimpeded.

'_My sweet, foolish little Neah. You could've had it all. You could've taken the Earl down as you wished, that blundering buffoon deserved it anyway, and saved your precious little humans. You could've taken his place, had the Noah and everyone at your feet, my boy, you could've been eternal.'_

Outside in the real world, Neah winced. He could still feel the cold, hard floor of the hospital and hear the Earl's voice telling him the very same thing as he took away Neah's life and his future. He shuddered despite himself and gripped the insides of his pockets.

'_Maybe it's better that a damn fool like you dies like this, dies lying down with the dogs you swore to protect.' _It spat with a bitterness that was surprising. In all the years Neah and his Noah had been arguing, he had never recalled it getting this angry at him before.

'_So go on, die you pathetic, little human and let us pray your weaknesses die with you. Don't you see child? I am immortal. Your life, your memories, everything that makes you who you are is bound within this fragile, mortal shell. I do not have such a problem. I will be reborn and I will see that my next host is twice the man that you are.' _

'_I thought I could sway you with my words, but next time, you will fear me. I will haunt your every living moment and you will see just how mean I can be. Wait and see Neah Walker, the 14th Noah will rise above the rest and destroy the Earl and Noah in your place and take his throne for himself. And while you're in your precious, little Heaven I want you to look down and see what could've been.' _Neah smiled a little and bit his lip to keep himself from laughing.

All this time, Noah had been so sweet to him, calling him 'love' and 'darling' and now to hear it chew him out so, it was rather funny. Still, Neah couldn't help but feel bad for his next reincarnation; it seemed Neah had burned all his bridges on the Earl's side and the next kid was damn well screwed. Neah wasn't meant to be a fighter, or a leader, or a savior. Perhaps that was why everything has fallen apart around him. He could only hope his successor would be smarter, better and faster than he was

He would have to be if he wanted to win this war that Neah had begun.

_Alright, I understand but before you go, one last thing, you can do whatever tricks you want to in our next life. But something's go a little deeper than the physical body and you can bet your non-corporeal ass that the next 14th isn't going down without a fight. _

'_I don't intend to lose to another spineless, cowardly-_

"Shut the fuck up." Neah muttered, he looked up to see a young lady look up at him and blush furiously before stomping off in anger. Cross just grinned at him.

"Word of advice, the best way to make an impression on a girl is not to swear at them."

"It worked with Lizzy and Maria." Cross smiled sadly, it hurt to bring them up like that, to mention their names so casually, but Neah couldn't spend his time hiding from his feelings. He'd loved both of them dearly; but now he had to learn to let them go, to let them find the peace they deserved. No matter how much he wished it wasn't true, Lizzy and Maria were dead and he just had to find some way to live with it. Both of them did. He looked down at his hands and found dark brown flakes buried under his fingernails. He clenched his fist tightly, it seems that after all these miles, Lizzy still hadn't left him. Even in death she had yet to leave him completely.

"Yeah, but Lizzy was a one of a kind girl, not many girls could talk or fight like she did and still look so damned beautiful." They both smiled lost in their memories of an amazing girl as the sun began to set on their day. It would be awhile before he couldn't look at a sunset without thinking of her, if that day ever came, but maybe that wasn't a bad thing. As long as he didn't lose himself in his grief, was it such a bad thing to keep his memories of her close?

Neah mulled over Noah's words, the being had retreated to the back of his mind and Neah doubted he would hear from him again anytime soon. He then started wondering what he would be like in his next reincarnation. Would he still care for the exorcists or would he fall victim to the Noah's hatred of Innocence? He would never know he supposed, from what he could tell, the Noah only retained the basic personality traits of their previous reincarnations and the rest was lost to time.

He wished he could talk to the poor kid who would follow him about all of this, to sit him down with a cup of tea and try and make him understand. To tell him that there wasn't just the Earl and the exorcists. That there was another side to the war, a side that had no allegiances to either party, the side that fought solely for justice and salvation. That was free of the corruptions from either side.

The sun dipped lower casting long shadows. The thing he wanted to tell the next 14th most was that no matter which side he eventually did choose, no matter what he believed in, that he should never forget his friends. He thought of Lizzy and he closed his eyes, picturing her pretty face. His mind wandered next to Maria and her wide eyes as he had given her a kiss on the cheek for the last time.

He hoped his reincarnation would have good friends who would support him when need be. He hoped that the kid would realize the true value of his friends and would treasure them as much as Neah had. If the kid could just find friends as good as the ones Neah had, then the war was already won.

They kept walking until it was dark out, they were all tired, weary and hungry, but no one dared ask for a break. The two times they had stopped had ended in disaster and no one was willing to bring that down upon them again.

Mana sighed and thought about how much his feet hurt before his thoughts drifted to the sound of a nearby owl.

Cross yawned and tried not to look as tired as he felt, he would need to get some sleep before their next fight or he'd the next martyred exorcist.

Timcampy flicked his tail over Neah's shoulder playfully, hoping to alleviate a little of his Master's stress.

Neah cracked his neck, wishing this could all be over.

They had just left another town behind and it was getting cold out again. If Lizzy were here they would have an excuse to cuddle, instead, boys being boys, they strayed awkwardly apart not willing to sacrifice their pride for the warmth they craved. Finally after evading the topic for so long, Neah finally said it.

"Why don't we stop for a few minutes, get something to eat." Mana immediately fell to his knees and was on his stomach sound asleep a few moments later. Neah bit back the smile on his face and slowly sat himself down on the ground, ignoring all his aches and pains as he pulled out their small reserve of food. Cross sat next to him, taking a sip of water from the canteen before passing it to Neah. A few minutes passed and then an hour before another word was spoken. The boys huddled over a small hastily made fire just enjoying the momentary rest while Mana continued to doze beside them unawares. Tim decided to nap too and curled up alongside Mana. Cross cleared his throat.

"Neah, I know you want Mana to be safe and all." Cross started slowly, cautiously picking his words so not to upset his friend, "but all of this is killing him, I think it would best if we-"

"I agree." Neah said quietly, taking a small bite of his bread. Cross was surprised, Neah was very protective of his brother, and Cross had expected to argue for hours and was thus taken aback by Neah's ready acceptance. "Mana isn't a part of this, while I had to get him away from the circus where the Earl could easily find him, I can't justify taking him much further." He turned to look worriedly at his brother. "Mana is handling this even worse than I had expected, much more of this and there won't be anything left of him to save." He sighed. "I don't know what to do with him though; I suppose we could give him some food and money and drop him off in the next town, but then what? What will he do then?"

"He'll do what he does best, he'll find a circus and put on a show." Cross smiled. "He may not be a warrior but he is, and always shall be, an entertainer. As long as he has that, I'm sure he'll be fine." Neah smiled to himself as he held his knees, looking down at the ground.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. It's too bad though, I really wanted you guys to see one of Mana's shows. It really is something special, something I wanted the four of us to share together."

"There's still time, after we kick the Earl's ass, we'll have all the time in the world to catch a show. I'll even buy." Neah smiled, but it was hollow and Cross immediately jumped on it. Hadn't he seen that same look on Lizzy not too long before, when he had mentioned their future together? "Neah come on, you can't think that way. You can't go around thinking you're going to die or it's going to come true. You have to stick around a little longer, who else am I going to talk to now that Lizzy is gone?"

Cross looked away and whispered almost to himself. "What will I do if I lose all of you?" Neah didn't answer and instead curled into himself a little more. Cross sighed and looked away playing with his bread; he suddenly wasn't very hungry anymore.

"Neah Walker~" Neah looked up and turned around with an annoyed expression on his face.

"I've already killed seven Noah, what makes you think you're any different Cain?" Cross jumped and reached for his weapon seeing the Noah stalk silently out of the woods. He wore a darkened cloak, but Cross could still make out the dark grey skin tone characteristic of the Noah. Neah didn't even move, barely even looked as the other Noah approached, if a tad bit more hesitant than before.

"I was sent by my Lord the Millennium Earl to-"

"-to capture and bring me back so that I may be taught a lesson before being brutally murdered to set an example for future Noah." Neah finished dully, turning to face the other. Cain paused mid-step.

"Why yes and I am-"

"-expendable; the Earl has told me before. So most likely you, Lennie and Frey, who are both dead by the way, were sent to keep me busy while Edmund, Amora and Denis mobilized and prepared for an actual fight. They're all dead too by the way so I can assure you right now that there is no back-up coming for you." Neah sighed and looked up to the sky with a bored expression on his face.

"Daniel is pretty much useless in a fight so the Earl's probably keeping him close to him to serve as a distraction during our final battle. Saoirse and Shohei are also good for that same purpose albeit a little more competent. Road came, fought, lost and left of her own will. So you're most likely not going to see them saving your sorry ass." Neah finally stood up and with his hands buried into his pockets addressed his brother face to face.

"So tell me, what chance do you believe you have against me, who despite being exhausted, am still massively pissed off and looking for something to direct my misplaced aggression at and a fully realized exorcist who I have yet to see miss a target." He jerked his thumb over his shoulder. "Then there's my brother but he's tired, so we won't bother him. So before we begin our meaningless and absurdly short battle, I would like you to give me something, anything that makes you believe you can win this because you'll just be wasting all of our time if you don't."

Cross brought a hand to his mouth to stifle the smile; it wasn't just the casual way in which Neah just broke down the proud Noah family but the scared look the other Noah had. The Noah, a kid really who looked to be a few years younger than they were, had the look of a rabbit caught in a trap as he stared wide eyed at Neah. Neah sure knew how to play the Noah, they might be able to avoid a fight altogether if Neah scared him enough. Sometimes Cross forgot how clever his friend could be. The Noah raised his finger weakly. _Yeah,_ Cross thought failing to keep the smile off his face, _we've won_.

"I am-" Cain paused to take a breath. "I am a representative of the Millennium Earl and-and you are a traitor and-and I have to bring you in!" He finished unsteadily, widening his stance, looking prepared to fight. Cross pulled his gun closer to him, seeing the fear leave the Noah's eye. It seemed they were going to have to fight after all. It shouldn't take long though.

He turned to Neah and was surprised by his friend's expression. No matter how much the Noah kid fought, this should be a fairly easy match and Cross expected Neah's nonchalance to carry through the whole of the fight. Instead Neah's face was scary looking, a sneer of disgust gathered on his pale face and, to the shock of everyone, he dropped back to ground and spun away from the Noah. He gripped his knees angrily from the ground, refusing to look at any of them.

"I'm not fighting you, I'm not going to fight and kill another defenseless human being. You're sick and you're brainwashed so please just turn around and go back to your mom and dad and get the fuck out of here. Forget the goddamned Millennium Earl and get your own damn opinions." Neah spat, Cross and the Noah kid exchanged awkward looks for a moment before the kid regained his composure.

"I'm-I'm going to capture you, Neah and kill your companions and bring you back to the Millennium Earl for punishment. You act all high and mighty, but you're just scared like the rest of us. I-I don't need you; I don't need any of the Noah to prove myself to the Earl." Faster than Cross could see, the kid was charging Neah, even worse the damned stubborn idiot wasn't moving. Neah just sat on the ground, his back facing the kid, ignoring him as death ran him down. Cross panicked.

"Neah!" He shouted, but his friend did not respond, much less move. The Noah was meters from him and without thinking Cross cursed, raised Judgment and fired five consecutive shots. The Noah stumbled and skidded on the ground just behind Neah who, despite everything, still hadn't moved. Mana jerked awake by the sound of his shooting and started shouting, demanding got know what was going on. Cross ignored him and instead whapped his friend upside the head, much like Lizzy had done to him in the past. Neah took the punishment silently which only further served to aggravate Cross.

"What the hell is your problem? He was going right for you and you didn't move a damn muscle. You could very well be dead if I hadn't killed him." The Noah moaned on the ground and in his anger Cross trained Judgment back on him and fired three clean shots right into his head. The Noah's hands twitched once and then lie still.

"As I said, if I hadn't killed him you would've died. What would we have done then Neah? What about Mana? Would you just leave him here? And me? Would you send me alone to stop the Earl to fulfill the promise you made to Lizzy and Maria? What the hell, I just-I just don't understand you sometimes you stupid son of a bitch!" Cross shouted waving Judgment to exemplify his point. He wanted to kick Neah right in the face, smack him again and again, anything to get a reaction from the guy. Neah still said nothing, the only action he made was to bring up his hand to half-heartedly wipe at his cheek. He turned his hand over to observe the tears trailing down his hand.

"His name is-was Cain Morgan and he was fourteen. He came from a small sheep farming town in Wales, I-I can't remember the name. He was the quietest of the Noah, he was always very nervous and determined to prove himself to the Earl. I didn't really know him, but he had always seemed like a lost child, trying so hard to fit in, to be something he wasn't. I guess I always felt a little bad for him." Cross stopped his raving to listen to Neah. Now that they were out of danger, Cross actually had a moment to think about what he had done. He had killed someone, a Noah maybe, but still a living person.

A kid younger than him.

Who had grown up on a sheep farm in Wales.

Who was quiet and unsure, trapped in an environment he couldn't hope to understand.

Cross slumped to the ground next to Neah, suddenly understanding the burden his friend had been shouldering this entire time. He didn't regret it. The Noah was working for the Earl and was out to kill Neah, he hadn't had a choice, but it still hurt. From here, Cross could see that Neah was crying freely only wiping away the tears occasionally as he continued to stare at the ground.

"The Earl doesn't really care for the Noah; he only uses them like puppets. But they're-we're humans too and he treats us like we're goddamned pawns. He's told me all this once; he told how willing he was to sacrifice a few Noah if it furthered his goals. It's just-I can't believe-can't believe someone would be so heartless to completely destroy that kid, to brainwash him so entirely that he had no free thoughts left other than to serve the Master, it just-it just makes me so mad." Neah said, his voice taking on a dark and impassioned quality. Cross looked over to his friend and watched the lethargic sadness turn into rage. The tears kept flowing, but his face was terrifying.

"Who the fuck does he think he is that he can play with people's lives like that? The Noah, the exorcists? Who is he to say who lives and who dies, that fucking bastard." Neah said, standing up suddenly. He paced around the kid's dead body, letting his tears fall from his bright his eyes.

"What's going on? Why is there shooting? Neah! What's going on?" Mana shouted, gripping his hair frantically as he looked back and forth between the three of them. Tim, also awakened by the sounds, flew in wild circles over Mana's head which Cross was certain was not helping the clown's state of mind.

"I'm going to get him, that bastard. It's not just Lizzy or Maria anymore, it's his goddamn arrogance. He thinks he could just throw anything at me, sends goddamn kids out to war and for what? Entertainment? Something to distract me for a few minutes while he prepares his real attack?"

"Neah…" Cross cautioned looking around, Mana was still shouting and Neah was ramping himself up into a full-fledged rage. Wherever this was going it wasn't good.

"Neah what is going on? Who died? Where are we? I don't understand?"

"Goddamn son of a bitch, I'm going to kill him, no more I'm done, I'm sick of it. I'm not going to let him kill any more people, not let him sacrifice the people loyal to him all for the sake of some holy war that no one even understands anymore."

"Neah…"

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND! I DON'T UNDERSTAND! I DON'T UNDERSTAND!"

"Will you shut the fuck up Mana! Can't you see there are bigger things going on here than you and all your petty little fucking problems! So just sit down and shut up!" The noise suddenly stopped. Cross heard Mana breathing harshly as he continued to shake his head in disbelief. Neah took a deep breath and sighed. "No Mana, I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean it. I'm just-I'm sorry, please, I'm so sorry." Neah said, putting his head into his hands.

Through everything, Cross had never thought he had seen his friend look so defeated as he did at that moment with his slouched shoulders and pained expression. It was the face of a man who wasn't afraid of anymore suffering or even death, the face of someone who was outright begging for it all to be over.

"Mana you just-you just sit there and try to get some rest. Cross and I are going to bury Cain now, we'll be right back, so you just sit tight." Mana yelped as he looked up with wide, frightened eyes.

"No, you can't leave! I won't see you again, mum and dad left and now you're leaving too and what will Neah say if they don't come back, I don't know what to do and I-" Neah patted Mana's head and addressed him as one addresses a small child.

"It's okay big brother, it's all going to be okay. Just calm down and go back to sleep. Cross and I are going to take you into town soon and this will all be over for you. Things will be right again, I promise."

"We'll go back out on the road, right brother? I know how much you love the circus. It'll be fun." Mana said softly as he gripped his arms tightly. Whatever Mana had been clinging to for sanity was gone now, looking in the man's eyes, Cross could see nothing but emptiness. Neah smiled sadly.

"Yeah, I have to do something first, but I'll be with you as soon as I can. Just one little thing I need to do, do you hear me Mana? It's all going to be okay." Mana nodded and muttered something under his breath as he fell back asleep as if nothing had happened. Neah sighed and turned to Cross.

"Help me bury Cain will you? I-I don't think I could do it by myself." Cross nodded stiffly and together they found some hard pieces of wood and began digging. Neah was tired after the first scoop, but they still had a long way to go. "I'm sorry, I blew up at you, at both of you." Cross waved him off.

"I-I think I understand now, your thing with the Noah. You don't have to say anything." Neah smiled at his friend, who said nothing but just kept digging.

"Yeah, I know, but it doesn't hurt." They dug in silence for a while and when they were about halfway done Neah spoke again. "I'm going to fight the Earl. I'm going to face him soon, maybe even before the night is over. One way or another, this is ending now." Cross stopped and stared at him.

"Neah what the fuck-" he gasped

"I can't let this go on anymore. Three years, three years I've let him have his way with people; three years I've watched humans and Akuma die by his hand. I won't allow it, not anymore. I've been thinking about it. He's angry at me, which means his emotions will cause him to makes mistakes. He's down most of his Noah and the others shouldn't be that bad. I know it's a long shot-"

"More like fucking impossible…"

"But I don't think I can do this anymore, I can't-I can't keep running away. Don't you see? Don't you see that we're just delaying the inevitable? That we're increasing the body count everyday we're on the run? If he doesn't find us soon, he's going to start attacking villages, innocent people, to try and draw me out. You can't honestly tell me that you're okay with that." Cross snarled.

"So you're just going to die? To throw away your life because you can't take it anymore? I know it's hard Neah, but you just have to endure. Just think about it for one goddamned moment. Think if we wait a little longer, if we wait we can finish the Earl off once and for all." Cross paused for a moment lick his lips and think of the best way to argue this.

"People might die in between, but dammit Neah, if we don't stop him now people will continue to die. If we wait a little longer then no one else will have to die Neah, you won't have to die for this manic cause of yours and everything will be alright if you just think with your head instead of your heart for once." Cross said exasperated, gripping his makeshift shovel intensely glaring up at Neah.

"I know, I know, but I-I just can't. It is stupid, but it's the only shot we have. I won't let this continue Cross and even if I do die, I have to do something or my guilt will kill me first. If we take the offensive, we might catch him off guard and maybe we'll be able to win or at least cripple him enough that some other exorcist could come along and finish the job. I know this is something big to ask and I know it's downright suicidal, but-but will you come with me? I can't do this alone, but with you there…" Neah looked up at his friend, who was gazing angrily into the hole.

"That should be good enough." Cross said, turning away from Neah to grab the Cain's body. "You grab the arms and I'll get the legs." Neah looked down shamefully and complied wordlessly.

Of course, how could he be so stupid? A frontal attack on the Millennium Earl in the shape they were in? It was-it was crazy. It was so inconceivably fucked up that no one would even think of pulling such a stunt. So that was it. Now he was alone. He was fighting the battle on his own and he felt not fear pulling down on his heart, but a terrible loneliness. As much as he wanted his friend to be safe, he really needed someone now, now when he had one last chance to make all of his sacrifices worthwhile.

"I didn't know him, I only shot him, so do you have anything you'd like to say, Neah?" Cross asked quietly after Cain was lowered into the shallow grave. Neah shook his head slowly.

"I didn't really know him either. But-but we were brothers, we shared something that I was never able to understand. I'm-I'm just sad that I wasn't able to help him, that I couldn't save him from the fate put upon him. All I can say is that next time I'll do better, I'll save him and the rest of the Noah, if it's the last thing I do. I don't-I don't want to hurt anymore people, I won't." Cross smiled sadly.

"Really Neah." He said, slowly drawing out his name affectionately as they began to shovel dirt into the grave. "Sometimes I think you're just too good for this world. You can't save everybody and yet you try your damndest to do. I'm not sure whether it's admirable or stupid." Neah looked up.

"I have been and always will be your friend. I think what you're doing is stupid, insane and downright suicidal, but if you're determined to go through with it then the least I can do is to make sure you're not doing it alone. Wherever you're going, whether it's another crappy little town or hell itself, you'll always have me. We have to stick together, because, like Lizzy said, we don't have anyone else to count on."

Neah felt tears, real tears, start to form in the corners of his eyes as he was filled with an unconditional love for the person in front of him. Neah could never have imagined on that day in Derry that Marian Cross, stiff and awkward, would stand here three years later prepared to die for Neah's cause. Who else would follow him to his death? Who else would be by his side right until the very end? Neah could not have gotten better friends if he had waited a hundred lifetimes.

He would make things right, he would make the sacrifices everyone has made for him worthwhile. He would not forget everything they have done for him. No matter what happened or what became of him after this, he would never forget this bond he felt with these amazing and wonderful people. Friendships like this did not fade, but only grew stronger with the passage of time.

He discreetly wiped his eyes and put his hand out over the grave. He stared at his friend with deep fondness, trying to think of any way to thank him for everything he had done.

"Cross, I-I-"

"Neah, didn't I already tell you? You don't have to say anything." Cross smiled taking his hand. Neah smiled and pulled Cross to him wrapping him in a hug. He held his friend awkwardly to him relishing the physical contact, delighting in his presence, the only stable thing left in Neah's life. Cross hugged him back after a moment and Neah thought that this might be the last time this happens.

It made him sad to think that, in death, he would lose the simple comfort of a hug from a friend.

Cross pulled back and stretched his arms, completely ignoring the significance of the moment or perhaps just choosing not to think about it. Neah rubbed his neck feeling a little better knowing that he wasn't going into this alone. He noticed a flower off to the side, not yet bloomed do to the murky English weather. He stooped and picked it up and laid it gently on the newly dug grave. It wasn't much, but it was something.

There wasn't much point in sticking around any longer, so while Cross gathered what little remained of their supplies, Neah gently roused his brother. Mana sat up and blinked, still retaining the wide, empty look in his eyes. It made Neah a little sad, but it was also a little comforting to think that all the harsh things of this world couldn't hurt Mana anymore. All his worrying and all the times he had to act so grown-up were now behind as he looked up at Neah with childlike innocence.

"Why are we leaving now Neah? It's dark out, we should be sleeping, you know people won't want to hire me at night. Clowns perform during the day." Mana explained through a yawn. Neah nodded slowly and patted Mana's back. He couldn't ask Mana to continue with them anymore, not when he had finally escaped, Neah would make sure he was safe and then go finish this.

"It's okay Mana, I heard there's a big circus the next town over and I just wanted us to get there before any of the other clowns did." Mana smiled, a very free and open smile that looked nice on him.

"You're so smart little brother, mum and dad would be proud." Mana said ruffling his hair before sitting up and stretching. _Proud huh?_ Neah thought, _yeah he could live with that. _Cross stepped next to him with the remaining bag thrown over his shoulder. He looked tired and battered, but ready to go, ready to march on into hell. Neah's eyes shined pride.

_That's my friend;_ he felt like saying to no one in particular, _that's my friend right there._

He didn't though, he didn't need Cross thinking that crazy was catching and instead they moved on, occasionally slowing down to coax Mana in the right direction. Mana babbled incoherently, drifting from one subject to the next with without pause. It was alright though, the night wore on and soon even Mana's nonsense faded into the background as they marched on.

The road behind them was littered with misery and blood and the future surely had more waiting for them. But Neah couldn't but gaze up at the moon and smile; he whispered a silent prayer to Lizzy and Maria and told them that he loved them.

He was walking towards his death, but he wasn't walking alone.

And somehow that made it seem alright.

**DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM****DGMDGMDGM**

"Alright Mana" Neah purred gently while Cross watched on sadly. "I'm going to go now. Remember? I said I had something to finish? Now you be good and I promise I'll be back as soon as I can." They were in a small town, perfectly un-extraordinary in every way and it was for that purpose that they decided to leave Mana here. For the light smile on his face, Cross knew this goodbye was tough for his friend.

They both knew that the chances that he would see his brother again were slim to none. Not that Cross considered this man-child to be Mana anyhow. The Mana he knew, the man he had come to respect, was stubborn and independent. He had cared for Neah his entire life and made it out in the real world at an early age just to prove he could. He'd always liked Mana and was thankful for all he had done for Neah and for his friends.

It was a little sad to see such a great man reduced to this.

"But Neah," Mana whined. "It gets so lonely here without you. What am I going to do by myself?" Neah just continued to smile. Cross wasn't sure how he did sometimes, smiled when everything around him was sad.

"Just do what you do best Mana, continue to make people happy." Neah set Mana gently down on a bench and put his hands on his shoulders as he stared at him. "Now listen to me very closely, this is important." Mana nodded vigorously, seemingly unaware of the severity in his brother's tone.

"You have to keep a low profile okay? There are some people, some very bad people, who want to come and hurt you, so it's important that you not draw attention to yourself. Do you understand Mana? You have to always keep moving around, never stay in one place for too long and maybe they won't find you. Do you understand?" Mana nodded slowly.

"Good, now I have to go. It'll be alright Mana, I promise, somehow I'm going to make things right again and then we won't have to live in fear anymore. But I need to go right now, alright? I need to leave for a little while and I want you to stay here for a few days and then move on." Mana blinked.

"But-but Neah" Mana stuttered, seeming to understand for the first time that Neah was really leaving him. "I can't let you go alone. You're only fifteen, I know you turn sixteen soon, but I still just can't let you wander off on your own! I'll go with you." Neah leaned down until his forehead was on Mana's.

"I can't let you come Mana; I can't put you in anymore danger." Neah smirked, "besides, I'm not alone, I'm taking Cross with me, you remember Cross right? He almost shot you the first time you met in your circus tent." Mana tore his eyes from Neah to look at him; Cross was not surprised by the lack of recognition in them, Mana turned back to Neah and pouted.

"Neah, you really should introduce me to your friends, I don't want you running off with someone I don't know. He looks kind of scary." Cross stepped forward and stuck out his hand.

"My name is-"

"_Your name is Marian correct?"_

"-Cross and I'm a friend of Neah's, it's nice to meet you." Neah wearily threw him a look of gratitude. Mana stared at the open hand and then grasped it warily. _Damn,_ Cross thought, _even his handshake has changed. _He studied Cross for a moment, a mere shadow of the scrutiny he had endured the first time.

"Nice to meet you. Tell me, where are you taking my brother-"

"_So Neah tells me you're going to take down this Earl."_

"-are you going to a show?" He looked up, his golden eyes wide with curiosity.

"You could say that." Cross smiled sadly. "We're going to see a drama, one with lots of action and a tragic ending." Neah made an uncomfortable face while Mana smiled brightly.

"Well you seem like a nice young man-"

"_But you kids are good for Neah, so this old clown is prepared to do anything in his power to make this journey of yours easier."_

"-I hope you two have fun at your show." Cross lowered his head and stepped back. Even though Mana was standing right here in front of him, Cross felt like he had just lost another friend. Neah smiled and patted him on the back like he was a goddamned dog or something.

"Alright Mana, well we have to be off. I'll see you later okay? And remember, you have to keep moving forward and never stop until the day you die. Never stop walking okay?" Mana just smiled up at his brother. "I-I love you and I-I guess I'll see you later." Neah said quietly. He turned from Mana. "C-come on, let's go before I do something stupid." He whispered to Cross.

"Neah." Mana said mournfully from his spot on the bench and then suddenly lunged forward and buried his face in his brother's back his hands locked around Neah's chest. Neah's face was unreadable as he lowered his head; Mana's shaking shoulders jostling him slightly. Cross could hear Mana crying into Neah's back and his hands were shaking as they clung to the front of Neah's dirty shirt.

"Ne-Ne-Neah." He choked out, "p-please don't go. I ne-need you Neah, please-please just stay here with me. Re-remember how happy we were? Please don't go, we could-we could be happy again… Just please, don't leave me." Neah brought up his hands and gripped Mana's larger ones tightly. Maybe Cross was wrong; maybe Mana wasn't as blithely unaware as he had previously thought. Maybe he knew that if he let Neah go, he would never see him again. Maybe he knew that Neah would die horrifically at the hands of a demon he'd heard so much about. God that must be tough. Tim snuggled deeper into his hair at the painful family display.

What would Cross do if Neah agreed, agreed to forgo his crazy ideas of single-handedly saving the world and destroying the Earl? Cross would probably first breathe a sigh of relief and then go somewhere and sleep for the next week or so. He would then go back to the Order, he supposed, continue working towards a peaceful world the safe and normal way. He would spend the rest of his life alone and miserable, working for an organization he had come to hate. It left a bitter taste in his mouth.

What a bunch of crap.

Three years with these people had taught him the meaning of bravery and sacrifice and doing the right thing. If they left now, Lizzy and Maria would just be more lost souls, more casualties soon to be forgotten. They had to end this, because they'd promised God and the girls and more importantly, because they would never forgive themselves if they stopped right now. All they had left was to keep moving forward, be it to heaven or hell, they had to keep walking.

After a moment more of gripping Mana's pleading hands, Neah slowly and gently peeled them off of his shirt. He still kept his head down, but Cross could imagine the expression on his Neah's face. He knew how much Mana meant to him and to leave him like this was… painful to say the least.

"I'm sorry Mana," Neah replied hoarsely. "I'm sorry, but this is something I have to do." He took a deep breath and stated slowly.

"Mana, I want you to do something for me. I want you to always keep walking. No matter what happens and no matter how hard things get, you always have to keep moving forward. If you do this-if you stay strong and if wait for me, I'll come back for you one day. I promise you Mana, this isn't forever, I will come back and we'll be together again. Okay? This isn't goodbye."

Cross looked away and folded his arms, _that idiot,_ he thought sadly. Mana was still crying, but Cross could see him nodding and slowly, ever so slowly, he released his brother's hands. Neah took a deep breath and leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on his brother's head.

"Be good Mana and remember always keep walking. I-I love you and I'll see you soon." With that Neah spun on his heels and walked forward. Cross looked back to Mana and gave him a nod before going after Neah. So soon after Maria and Lizzy, saying goodbye to Mana must be killing Neah. Cross ignored the way Neah would harshly rub at his cheeks and the tense way he held his shoulders. Tim abandoned his head for Neah's, draping his golden wings lovingly on his well worn position.

So in typical Cross behavior, he confronted his discomfort with criticism.

"How could you do that to him?" Neah looked over in his direction, but refused to meet his eyes. "How could you make a promise like that? I'm all for optimism Neah and I'm by no means digging our graves, but-but how could you tell him you'll be back? Look in his eyes and promise him?" Neah tugged on his coat and kept walking on, walking away from Mana and on toward whatever lay ahead.

"I'm going to die out here Cross and no amount of optimism or good cheer is going to change that." He pulled his hands out of his pockets and stared at them. "But no matter what, I'm going to come back to Mana, I owe him that much." He sighed and finally looked up at Cross. He looked tired and worn down as if he had already resigned himself to death.

"I'm a Noah Cross, no matter how much we pretended, I was always the Noah, always different. And now-and now it's finally come in handy. I'm going to destroy the Millennium Earl, Cross, somehow, someway I will kill that bastard for everything he's done. But I don't think that's going to happen in my lifetime." He closed his eyes and clenched his fists and looked back at Cross with stark determination.

"I'm going to reincarnate someday. The new 14th will be someone else entirely; they'll have a different name and a different face, but will still be me to a certain extent. I'm-I'm going to find my way back to Mana somehow and we'll be together again." He smiled and his face lit up with fond memories

"I don't know what this kid will do, who they'll be or what side they'll choose, but whoever they are, they'll always have Mana." He rubbed his arms, "and-and you guys too, you all have left a mark that goes deeper than the flesh. I think I'm always going to remember you guys, I've gone over every memory, trying to engrain it into my soul. You, Mana, Lizzy and Maria and everyone else, I don't want to ever forget you or at least not how important you were to me."

"Neah I-"

"Watch over-watch over Mana for me Cross." Neah looked up to the sky and let out a deep breath, watching his breath fog in the early morning air. "It might be awhile before I come back and I need someone to make sure he's alright. Just every once in a while, just to make sure he's alive and out of the Earl's grasp." He looked over. "Could you do that? for me?" Cross frowned and looked away. If Neah was certain he was going to die then Cross, just a pathetic human, didn't stand a chance. Even if by some miracle he did survive, the idea of being alone, of surviving in a world without his friends, that sounded like a fate worse than death. He sighed.

"Neah, I'm your friend and I'm not going to have you stand there and write your life off so easily. You had better fight your fucking ass off or I'm going to make your next life a living fucking hell, do you understand?" The genuine chuckle from Neah eased his fraying nerves a little. Despite his tone, he was terrified; terrified that he really might end up alone again. And what would he do then?

"You fight, you fucking Noah and you fight hard to stop the Earl and to not die." Neah was still smiling but his eyes spoke otherwise, he wanted a promise. Cross sighed "But-but, should you fall, I-I promise you that I will watch over Mana for you and I'll watch out for your next reincarnation because Mana's too damn nice a person for you to disappoint." Neah shook his head lightly as he looked up to the sky.

"You know Cross." He drolled easily. "I can always count on you to tell me exactly what I need to hear. So am I, even after all our time together, still a fucking Noah?" Cross snorted.

"You could stop the Earl and end world hunger for all I care and you'd still be the fucking Noah, but you're my fucking Noah and when you come around again, I'll make sure you stay my fucking Noah. I'm not letting the Earl take you, whatever it takes, you're staying with us whether you want it or not." Neah nodded slowly as he gazed up at the sun. They were out of the town and on their way.

"Cross do you think-" Neah started before trailing off, Cross looked over to him to see him lost in his thoughts, watching the peaceful town fall behind him. Cross decided not to question Neah further, if he had something to say he knew Cross would listen. He just pulled his coat tighter at they continued on their path. He could taste how near it was and he shoved his hands in his pockets so Neah wouldn't see them shaking or maybe so he himself could pretend that all was well.

Ready or not here they come.

* * *

_Hey you, don't tell me there's no hope at all_

_Together we stand, divided we fall. ~ Pink Floyd_

* * *

Jeez this is depressing. I tried to add some dark humor in here, but no, this whole chapter is bleak and sad and not without purpose. I like this chapter, not for it's overwhelming angst, but to show the last and final progression of the characters that had been building since the first chapter. What I especially liked about these characters is that they developed and became who they are without any conscious thought on my part. The majority of this chapter was written after I'd gone back and reviewed previous chapters (I had to take a break after I killed Lizzy, I think I was more upset by editing old Lizzy chapters than by actually killing her, go figure) and realized a few things.

For one, Neah is not a strong character. He is easily intimidated, insecure, ruled by his heart and oh so very sweet. While he bears many characteristics similair to one Allen Walker, he is simultaneously a very weak person. The death of Maria and the Noah have been slowly breaking him until Lizzy's death left him without hope and ready to get it over with. Sad, but if you look back, it follows a pattern (IE Neah giving up the fight for his soul in the hospital when Mana left him in chapter 14). I'd rather not explain Mana now as I feel the epilogue does him far more justice than I could now. But I am overall pleased with how developed the characters ended up becoming and how their actions through out the story are more or less predictable to their personalities.

Will you believe it? Tuesday the 21st will officially be the last chapter followed by the epilogue the week after. What will I do with my time now? I guess focus on another story- er I mean, on my school work! I hope you've all enjoyed your daily dose of unremitting angst (actually this may be considered an overdose so do be careful!) and I hope to see all of you back here next week for the last official chapter!

_Hey You_ (c) belongs exclusively to Pink Floyd


	25. Jungleland

_Disclaimer: I do not own any part of D. Gray-man nor any of its characters. I can only close my eyes and quietly play dress up with said characters in my head and hope I'm not desecrating Hoshino Katsura's work too much._

For those of you who care, Author's Notes will be at the end of every chapter and any and all questions will be gleefully answered if asked.

_**For my Pumpkineater, whom I love and miss so much. Thank you for inspiring me with your love and wisdom**_

* * *

_In the tunnels uptown_

_The Rat's own dream guns him down_

_As shots echo down them hallways in the night_

_No one watches when the ambulance pulls away_

_Or as the girl shuts out the bedroom light._

* * *

The rest of the day passed rather quickly. It was filled with halting conversations and before they knew it, the sun was on its way down. It was obvious that Cross was exhausted beyond words and was only able to jerkingly stagger forward by sheer determination and it worried Neah to no end. He was tired too, every muscle protested his constant movements and he hurt absolutely everywhere. But he could handle it, he wasn't human, but Cross was. If they were going to do this crazy thing then they needed to be well rested, at least enough that they wouldn't collapse before the battle had even begun.

The only problem was that Cross was a stubborn bastard.

It had been easy enough to take breaks when Lizzy had been here. His friend was the type to do everything to ensure the comfort and safety of those around him, but was unwilling to give himself the same treatment. Neah grumbled and wished his friends could be more selfish sometimes. He'd have a few more of them if they were. Neah sighed and ran a shaking hand through his blood soaked hair; neither of them would make it much longer like this. He wondered if Cross would believe him if he said he was tired, he shrugged silently, it was worth a shot.

"Well," Neah yawned, stretching his arms in a way that actually hurt a lot. "I don't know about you, but I am exhausted. Why don't we stop for the night and get some rest? You know so we'll be better prepared to face the devil?" Cross gave him a look that professed 'you have got to be fucking kidding me' and they continued walking without another word. Neah rubbed his eyes in irritation, plan B he supposed was to beat the idiot into unconsciousness, but Cross already had one head injury to deal with and Neah didn't need to make it worse.

He sighed, plan C it was then.

"Come on Cross, this is ridiculous. We're both exhausted and won't do anyone any good if we fight as we are. Besides, where the fuck are we walking to anyways?" Cross stopped and looked at him.

"We're going to Lon-"

"You want to fight the Earl in London? One of the most heavily populated cities on earth?" Cross shifted uncomfortably, upset that his beloved logic was being used against him.

"Now come on Nea-"

"Don't 'Neah' me!" Neah shouted, feeling the tides beginning to turn in his favor. "We're about twenty kilometers north of London in the middle of freaking nowhere. I think the best thing is to find a place to stay the night somewhere around here and we'll deal with the Earl tomorrow." Cross began to protest, but Neah interrupted. "And if the Earl and the Noah do manage to find us, all the better, we want to face them anyway. But at least we'll be rested and ready."

Cross yawned and rubbed his eyes, muttering something that sounded like an affirmation. Neah could only smile, victories like this over Cross were few and far between. It took them about another half an hour to find a house. It was a small place, far out of the way of the road and they were lucky as hell to have found it. It was brown down, dilapidated and obviously hadn't been well kept, but beggars can't be choosers.

They had originally intended to ask the owners for a place to stay for the night as they had no money, but were surprised to find the house itself abandoned. It wasn't in the best shape, but it was still a little weird to find an empty house like this. While Cross grumbled about suspicious, creepy houses, Neah couldn't help but sigh in relief. Not only was it great not to play twenty questions with the owners, but now if they did get caught up in battle here, there would be no one around for miles to be swept up the in chaos. Yes, this would do just fine for the night. There wasn't much left, mostly dust and broken furniture, but on the floor was a mostly intact mattress and some spare sheet covers could serve as a blanket.

Cross immediately flopped onto the makeshift bed and within a minute or two Neah could hear his breathing slow down as he fell into a deeper sleep. God he could be so predictable sometimes, not that Neah blamed him. Things have been impossible since the Earl's attack on the Order. Had it really only been five days or five years that it felt like? He gently lowered his bruised body on the bed next to Cross, he should sleep too, but he somehow couldn't find it in him to sleep.

Perhaps his friend's perfectly justifiable paranoia was finally getting to him. Neah sighed and forgoing the horrendously uncomfortable bed, decided to inspect the rooms. If worst came to worst and they had to fight it out in here; he might as well pretend to be prepared. Tim flew after him, fluttering around him before landing on his head if he had not a care in the world.

As he toured the house, Neah ran his hands along the walls and smiled a little bit at the feel of cracked and peeling paint. He remembered when he had been in the hospital battling his Inner Noah for his soul. He chuckled as he recalled how upset he had been when he'd thought that the last thing he would ever feel would the scratchy bed sheets. But now it was three years later and the possibility of death was upon him once more, would he live to feel a dry, decaying wall like this again?

He very much doubted it. The smile fell listlessly as if it had never there.

He leaned against a wall and stared out a window as the weight of what lie ahead seemed too heavy for him to bear. He was to going die. That was pretty heavy stuff, was he ready to die and if so, where would he go afterwards? Were Noah, even poor, repentant ones, allowed into heaven? God he hoped so, even just to see Lizzy and Maria just one more time.

He looked out the dirty, grimy window out into the picturesque landscape as the setting sun painted the world in gold. A sunset for the ages, beautiful as it drew out the last chapters of one almost completed story while at the same time beginning to weave a new tale. He smiled and rubbed his eyes, he was getting sappy in his old age. He lazily ran a finger down the brown tinted window and watched with mild fascination as his finger wiped away the dirt, leaving a single, mostly clean trail down the dirty window. It almost looked like a teardrop to him, weeping silently for something he couldn't even begin to understand.

He tilted his head as he contemplated his mindless actions. Staring at the stripe, he realized that it was_ real_. He had left a mark upon the world, just as he had left a mark upon this window. If he really was to die, then this window would still retain this clean stripe until the time when the window was dirtied again. But even so, he had changed things forever, however small it was, and the stripe was his mark on the world.

In an act of impulsiveness, he brought his finger up and in big sprawling letters wrote 'Neah was here' covering the whole window in his distinctive cursive script. He took a deep breath and leaned his head on the wall next to the window. No one would probably see it, a passing drunkard might take notice of it, but like Neah, the marks would soon fade into forgotten oblivion. But that didn't matter, the marks were there now and Neah was still here and that was good enough for him.

He closed his eyes and wondered for the first time what death would be like. He knew logically that he wasn't all that important, but it was still strange to wrap his mind around a reality in which he did not exist. He snorted, that is until the time that another person who was and was not Neah appeared. It was funny; up until the attack on the Black Order, he'd never before considered the person who would succeed him as the 14th Noah. He supposed it was actually pretty selfish of him to be running around screwing up the life of his heir like this, but to be fair, he was still new to this whole reincarnation thing.

What would he (or she, but it was too weird for him to contemplate coming back a woman) be like he wondered? He'd like to be taller, a little less scraggly looking perhaps, but he honestly wasn't sure what to expect in his next life. His successor had a lot ahead of him and Neah only hoped they would be up to it. What he really wanted was to be able to speak with the kid, to hug them, to apologize for everything that was sure to happen, to try and make him, or her, _understand_.

What Neah did was crazy and, out of everything, what Neah feared the most was that the kid would resent his misfortune and take the path of least resistance, the path that led to hell and all its demons. He wanted to tell the kid his story, to explain that you can live through things you didn't think possible, that if you keep moving you will one day find the light at the end of the tunnel, that while not every story had a happy ending, most of them usually worked out some way or another in the end.

As if reading his mind, Timcanpy flapped his wings and burrowed further into Neah's head. Neah smiled and gently pulled the sleepy golem from his perch. He might not survive to tell the next 14th all of these things, but Tim sure would. He held the creature in front of him. "Timcanpy, listen this is important," the golem came to attention. "I want you to record me; I have a message for the next 14th." He paused and pointed to himself. "Do you feel me? Would you be able to recognize me?" Tim nodded hesitantly.

"Good, now in the event something happens to me, I want you to find me again alright? I want you search all over the earth if you have to, until you find me again. It's important Tim, okay, can you do that? Could you recognize me, even years from now?" The golden ball shakily shook its wings in understanding. Neah swelled with pride in his creation, he did not doubt Tim's word, and it brightened his mood to think that he would meet both his brother and Tim again. And at the moment, the simple comfort of knowing someone was waiting for you was good enough.

He laid the golem gently on the windowsill which bore Neah's transient script and took a few steps back. He ran a hand through his hair and straightened his shirt and realized all at once what a mess he must be. The next 14th would probably scream in panic if he saw Neah looking like this. Tim sat patiently at the sill and Neah decided to hell with it, the kid'll have to deal with a lot worse than a shabbily dressed Noah. Besides, he had to do this before he lost his nerve. He took a deep breath and gestured to Tim. He coughed once and then twice into his fist and then stared into Tim's recorder.

"_Hello there little one."_

**DGMDGMDGM**

The rest of the evening passed uneventfully. Cross awoke a little later and pushed Neah into bed for some well-deserved rest while he took the next watch. They traded one more time during the night so that by the time the morning arrived, both were a bit more rested than when they had stumbled in the night before. Neah threw on his coat as he got out of bed, upset by the chilly morning air on his sensitive skin. They didn't have much food left, so they decided that they would just finish off what they did have right now when they were alive enough to enjoy it. Their meager meal was enjoyed at the cracked kitchen table as the sun illuminated the room. They didn't talk much over breakfast, but what was said was deep and meaningful.

"What are you? Gay? I'm telling you, big breasts are attractive." Cross said slowly, leaning over on the counter with a deep and serious expression on his face. Neah just shook his head as he bit down on a stale piece of bread.

"I guess to some extent but, come on, you know what Lizzy says about them, about how annoying they are and how they always get in the way, it just seems, I don't know, inconvenient like-" Cross sighed loudly and leaned back in his chair in exasperation.

"Will you stop thinking like a goddamned girl for once, I'm talking about sheer primal attraction and in that area large breasts are aesthetically pleasing." Neah turned away from him and put chin in his hand, fighting down the blush that was threatening to appear.

He wasn't nearly as crude as Cross and though he loved to admire a perfectly rounded face or china white neckline, he wasn't as interested in those features as in those of the mind or the heart. He smiled a little thinking of Lizzy, who was lacking in every department Cross had thus deemed 'critical' in a woman. Neah would be more disgusted by his friend's open vulgarity if he didn't know that Cross also valued the deeper, more important stuff.

He couldn't have loved Lizzy if he didn't.

Cross shook his head with dismay, the small smile on his face the only evidence that he was teasing. This was what Neah would miss the most, the easy companionship that had formed between them, the bond that had only strengthened with the passing of time. Cross stood up and stretched wandering over to the window to look outside, the teasing smile gone from his face as he looked up to the sky.

"It's kind of cloudy out; we might want to get going sooner rather than later. This place won't hide us forever and I'm not all that comfortable with defending ourselves in this crappy little house." He turned back to Neah, his blank expression returning as the gaiety left the room. Neah felt the smile leave him along with his good cheer, back to business as usual.

"We can leave some of our stuff here. We don't have that much, but we don't need most of it. I say we backtrack a little, to find a good defendable place where we can fight-" Neah nodded and stood up slowly before pausing halfway. He felt dizzy all of a sudden; he gripped the table as he tried to isolate the sensation.

"Neah?"

He ignored his friend as he turned his thoughts inward. What was this feeling? He felt something terrible looming over him, an impending sense of something he couldn't quite place pounding furiously in his head. It was disquieting and he was hit with a sense of desperation. Without really thinking about it, he held out his hand to Cross, his breath coming in short, ragged breaths.

"Get down!" Cross gave him a looked of confusion that didn't last long as the window next to him exploded. Cross had barely stepped out of the way as glass shattered across his face. Neah reached out, but was relieved to see when the smoke had cleared that his friend was indeed alright other than some ripped and singed clothes and a bloody cheek. _It could've been far worse,_ he told himself as he watched the blood drip slowly to the floor as if to remind him of his failure.

"Neeeeeeeeah, why don't you come out to plaaaaaaay…" Came a flighty voice that danced on the wind and through the broken window. They were here. They were all here to kill him. They had hurt his friend, tried to kill the only person left in Neah's shattered life. "And bring your little friend too! We haven't been properly introduced!" Neah felt a sneer grow on his face and hate bloom in his chest. Why would they do such a thing to him? Did they need to strip everything dear from him? They'd already taken the rest of his family from him and now they wanted Cross too? The hatred warmed his chilled body and got his blood flowing.

He moved towards the window and the jacket fell off of his lanky body. Cross had slumped to the floor and Neah stalked over to him, purposely hovering in front of the window. He was through hiding; he was finally ready to end this. Cross held his cheek and studied Neah deeply, the blood seeping slowly between his fingers.

"You don't have to do this Neah." Neah smiled, he couldn't help it, he finally understood. After all this time, he finally understood his purpose in life. His purpose, from the very beginning, had been to die. It was so obvious now that he wanted to laugh at his idiocy.

_He_ wasn't meant to do something great.

_He_ wasn't meant to save the world.

_He_ was supposed to start something.

He was the first one to betray the Earl, the 14th apostle who had killed the current members of the Noah clan, who had sided with the exorcists. His ultimate destiny wasn't to, as he had originally thought, destroy the Earl, it was to set things up for the person who eventually would. And he'd succeeded, the only thing he had left to do was to finish the three others off and die for his cause. Cross's eyes burned intensely up at him.

"Don't look at me that way you bastard!" Cross shouted, his eyes filling with rage. "Don't you ever fucking give up you-you fucking Noah! I am not going to sit here and watch you get yourself killed over something so goddamned stupid!" Cross took a quick, calming breath through his teeth and spoke slowly and deliberately. "We don't have to do this right now, we can still find a way to escape, live to fight another day when we stand half a chance. Please Neah, think for Christ's sake, this isn't how it's supposed to end."

The air whistled between them. Neah couldn't see them, but he could feel the others outside waiting for them just as they could surely feel him in here. They had nowhere to run, not anymore. His smile never faltered and he extended an easy hand out toward his longtime friend. The truth was, Neah was tired. He was tired of being helpless, tired of all the abuses life had thrown at him in his short years, tired of watching the people he knew he couldn't live without be stripped from him. Neah just wasn't strong like that, no matter what anyone said, he just couldn't take it anymore.

So the Earl had already, in fact, won this battle. It had been easy; all he'd had to do was break Neah's heart.

"Come on; let's go put on a show they won't forget."

Cross sighed a little in his throat, but obligingly put his hand in Neah's. Neah helped him to his feet and saw that Cross's wound had already begun to stop bleeding. Neah clapped him lightly on the back. "Only God can help us now" Cross muttered half to himself as they wandered out into the hastily chosen battlefield. The sun peaked over the horizon through the muddied storm clouds as the wind lazily tossed the spinning cattails back and forth. Neah could have sat and watched them sway elegantly in the breeze forever.

However, a much more sinister spectacle demanded his attention.

"Hello Brother." The Earl said with all his normal cheeriness, Saoirse and Shohei were to his left while Daniel hovered in the background by his right shoulder. Despite the unflagging smile on the Earl's face, the aura of anger and betrayal radiating from him was enough to choke him. Neah nodded in acknowledgement.

"My Lord." A good distance separated them, perhaps seventy or so meters. Cross wiped his cheek on his sleeve and pulled his coat closer in an attempt to grab his weapon without the others noticing. Neah wished they could just get on with it, he'd had enough of running and he was tired of these games. But first, he wanted the Earl to know why he had betrayed him, to make his motivations known so maybe to inspire some other idyllic young Noah or exorcists somewhere down the line. Neah cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry it has to end this way my Lord-"

"As am I, my boy, as am I." He replied menacingly in a voice that shook Neah's spine.

"-but I don't regret anything I did." The Earl paused, indicating that he was listening. Neah breathed deeply and cast a sideways look at his friend.

"You thought just because I had the genes of Noah in me that you could control me, that you could own me. But you couldn't, you never could. I wasn't for sale and I wasn't willing to sell my soul to a demon like you." He whispered harshly and the trees threw his answer into the wind.

"I just want you to know-" he began heavily "-that no matter how much you try, how much you force, how many human, Noah or Akuma souls you throw around, I will never, not in this lifetime or the next, bow to you. I will never stop fighting you and one day, I will kill you." The Earl's smile morphed into something akin to a smirk as he tipped his hat forward shielding his face from view.

"My, my, such big words from my youngest Noah." He brought his head back up and black, beady eyes peered over his glasses. Neah could see the hate and rage in them even from a distance. "So you won't come easily will you? I was hoping you would come quietly, but it seems we're going to have to fight for you after all." He took a step back, allowing the three remaining Noah to step forward. "Children, if you may, and remember, I want it to be a clean and tidy death. He may be a traitor, but he's still your brother." He gave one last look to Neah as he retreated further backwards.

"Don't ever give up fighting me brother; it will only make it sweeter when I finally have you in the end."

Neah wasn't positive who it was that attacked first, but either way chaos descended upon the quiet field a moment later. And everything else dissolved into a blur of rage, blurred grass, blood and sorrow. It seemed he barely had time to register one attack before there were three more headed his way. Saoirse and Shohei stuck close, attacking him with cool cunning he hadn't expected from them. He grit his teeth as he dodged the twin swords. He supposed he shouldn't be surprised; he wasn't as familiar with the Noah of Bonds, so unlike Denis and Amora, their attacks weren't personal. To them, he was just another nuisance to be eradicated.

He had lost track of Cross, but he assumed that his friend was engaged with Daniel. Neah couldn't help but worry a little bit for him, but Daniel shouldn't be too troublesome for the exorcist. Cross was always beating himself up for being human in a war of super-humans, but truthfully, he was one hell of an exorcist and Neah wouldn't relish an actual battle with him.

He sucked in his breath as the blackened sword raced in front of him, cutting his shirt and coloring the tip of the sword red. Neah staggered back as the relatively minor wound healed bit by bit. He had to pay attention; this wasn't the time to dawdle. Neah rushed forward narrowly avoiding another shot and threw his weight into Shohei. Separation was the key to beating these two. They worked best close together in coordinated attacks. If he could keep them far enough apart and confuse them, he just might be able to beat them.

Shohei buckled a little, but brought his sword up in an attempt to skewer his brother. Neah stepped back to avoid the sword, but brought his foot down on the unfortunate boy's hand. It crunched under his strength. Neah wasn't foolish enough to believe he had crippled his enemy or that the injury wouldn't be healed again in mere seconds, but the distraction was good enough. While the bones healed in Shohei's hand, Neah spun around and knocked Saoirse back. He knew she would come running, of the two she was the weak link, the dependent one. If he could defeat Shohei, Saoirse should be easy prey. His roundhouse had a lot of power in it and Saoirse flew back a good bit.

He was actually surprised at the strength he felt, after each battle he had lost a little bit of his vigor. But now, on this his last battle, he was fighting as well as the fully rested Noah. He wasn't holding back as he watched Saoirse roll to the ground maybe twenty meters away. He had already succumbed to the fact that this would be his last battle, there was nothing waiting for him outside of this flowing field. This was the time to make a difference.

As Shohei wrestled himself from the ground, Neah caught Cross engaged in battle with Daniel out of the corner of his eye. He couldn't tell how the battle was progressing with him, but he was still alive and still fighting Daniel and that was good enough for Neah. Neah watched as Shohei held his sword in front of him calmly, but he didn't move. Neah settled himself into position, wondering just what the younger boy was planning.

He caught Shohei's eyes dart ever so quickly at a spot behind Neah's shoulder and his acute sense of hearing heard Saoirse picking herself up from off of the ground. They were up to something and he just had to make sure they didn't do it. He had to keep them apart and more importantly he had to keep them distracted. Their greatest strength was their bond and if they were mentally connected, they could wreak havoc.

"Really Shohei," Neah said loud enough so Saoirse could hear him. "It's too bad you got stuck with such an airhead. You could've been quite the threat if you weren't weighed down by your imbecilic other half. I was looking forward to a fair fight, but that won't happen as long as Saoirse is here to ruin it."

Shohei's left eye twitched a little, the only sign betraying his anger. Saoirse, on the other hand, was about to start on fire in her rage. Neah smiled, it usually wasn't a good idea to rile a Noah up, but in this case, an angry Noah behaved more erratically than a calm one. Pissing Saoirse off was the best way to keep her from mentally connecting with Shohei. He had always wondered how the Noah of Bonds could be so close while still different, but for now, it was his advantage.

"You slimy, filthy, son of a bitch!" He heard her shriek behind him and a smirk pulled on his lips. His hand fisted slowly as he heard the unmistakable sounds of Saoirse charging behind him. Shohei's eyes dared to Saoirse and then back to him. Shohei reached out with widened eyes, prompting her to stop, but she was going too fast and was already too close. Right before she was upon, right as he felt her displace the air behind him, Neah gracefully swung under her erratic attack. He had just enough time to catch her expression, a dulling rage being overpowered by confusion.

And in her confusion she hadn't realized she had just impaled her partner.

Neah winced as blood splashed on his face and the incongruous sound of metal and soft flesh fell on his ears. Shohei gurgled as his body jerked, trying to regenerate. But the impact had been made, sure the Noah boy would recover, but Saoirse's spirit wouldn't. "Shohei!" The sword was pulled violently from his body as Saoirse gently laid Shohei's body on the ground. She was crying, wiping at her eyes screaming apologies and demanding that he be okay.

Neah stood back for a moment before hovering over Saoirse's body. He watched her shoulder's shake and her stained red hands implored the boy who shared her soul to get up. Neah knew that feeling well, that ceaseless love. He then remembered that he had felt that empty sorrow as well, because of these people. Shohei gripped Saoirese's head as his wide golden eyes stared up at Neah's face.

_What did he see? _Neah wondered grimly. Was it death? Or hatred? Or was he frightened by the abject sorrow reflected in his eyes? Either way it would be over soon.

"Goodnight." He whispered softly, quickly twisting Saoirse's head to the left. She made a small gasping sound as her neck snapped and then fell lifeless to the ground. Neah closed his eyes and took a breath as he finished the job piece by piece as Shohei watched on horrified. He didn't stop until he felt the unwanted tears roll down his face and hear Shohei's strangled gasps as his own tears came forth.

It was over, the Noah of Bonds were dead. Shohei's wound had surely healed by now, but without Saoirse he was nothing, a lock without a key, a sock without a mate, a souring glass of milk with no warm cookies to be enjoyed. Neah heard soft footstep behind him and saw Cross walk up next to him. He seemed fine except for a few more cuts and, from the way he was holding himself, more than a few bruises, but he was here and Daniel was not and that was all that mattered.

Shohei breathed harshly next to him, lying on the ground clutching his chest where Saoirse had just left another big hole in his heart. Quiet, emotionless Shohei lay there on the ground and openly sobbed, almost choking himself with the force with which he wept. Neah hovered over him, trying to quell the horror and the guilt in his chest. He kept telling himself he was doing it for Lizzy and Maria and all the other exorcists, but did any of that warrant the pain he had caused? Shohei looked up at him, breathing rapidly through his teeth as tears streamed.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Neah whispered preparing himself to finish off the lost boy. It wasn't murder he told himself, it was mercy. Shohei sneered at him through his tears.

"How could you do this? How could you do this to us? And for them?" Shohei spat as his eyes darted to Cross. Neah said nothing, keeping his face purposely blank. Shohei's breathing evened out and his blatant rage died down into simmering hatred.

"You think you're special? That you can justify all of this with love and justice? Well I want you to remember this, to burn this single moment into your memory. I want you and every one of your incarnations to see this always. This is what you became for your damned Order, a murderer! You think you're better than us? Well look at you now! Look at you no-" Neah lost count of how many shots Cross fired, but Shohei's face was all but obliterated by the time he had finished. Neah sniffed and wiped his dirty bloody face trying not to think of Shohei's words.

But he was right.

He looked down at his hands and saw them shake, his shameful, awful, deadly, bloody hands. All the people who had died by his hands, all those who died in his name, all the people his friends had killed for him, it was all his fault. He had truly become the monster he had always been afraid of.

"Neah" He wasn't listening "Neah…"

"No, no, I-I can't-I'm-I'm-" He closed his eyes and gripped his head, trying with everything he had to block out reality, the voices and all the blood before him.

"It's okay my brother you did wonderfully."

"Neah get back!" Neah never did get the chance to figure out exactly what had happened. All he could piece together was the sound of his friend's voice; the sound of his body hitting the ground a few seconds later and vibrant red hair become colored a more sinister color red. Neah felt his arms go limp as he gaped down with terror at the sudden and resolute stillness coming from his friend's prone body. The only thing that moved was the ever growing puddle of blood crowning his head.

Alone.

He was all alone.

With a monster.

The Earl planted his sword into the ground, unperturbed by the body lying between them and just looked at Neah with that awful, hateful grin.

"Now then, all the puppets have danced accordingly and all the needless pawns have been moved off of the board, so why don't we have that chat now?" The Earl said, picking up his sword again. His grin widened to malicious proportions as he stared down Neah with the most genuine hate he had ever seen.

"Your little toys are all dead and my Noah are gone as well. It's just you and me brother, we have until the end of the eternity to decide who is the victor in this world. Will that precious God of yours save you now? Just like it saved your friends or all the hundreds of thousands of exorcists I have slain? Come on now brother, we've nothing to lose now, fight me and give me every last bit of your strength so that when I strike you down, you will know who the better man in the end is."

Neah turned his eyes from Cross's still body and looked up into the eyes of hell itself. He was right in one sense; he had nothing to lose now. Nothing to protect, no one to put on a show for, it was just a one on one battle, the light against the darkness, life against death. Emotions Neah couldn't understand, much less name, gave him back his strength and his will. He was sick of fighting, he was sick of death and he was so tired of being alone again and again.

But for now he would fight, because he had to, because he was meant to.

The Earl must have seen something in Neah's eyes, because he suddenly brought his sword above his head as his smile practically glowed with malice.

"Come brother; let us dance for all of eternity in hell!" He could've dodged the swipe; he could've jumped back out of harm's way. But he was angry and desperate. He charged forward his eyes fixed on his body, he would die, but he would not leave this world a coward. He grit his teeth as he felt the sword slice into him, but it was worth it, oh so worth it to feel the Earl's soft, vulnerable flesh beneath his bloodied fingers. He gripped his Lord's coat and held him close the still air the only thing separating them.

Through the dizziness, he felt nothing but rage and unimaginable hurt at the man who had stolen everything precious from him. No matter the cost he would give everything if he could just bring this man down with him, if he could hurt him the way Neah had been hurt. The Earl only grinned.

"Such rage in your eyes, my brother." He purred, letting each syllable dance across his tongue "Revel in it; this is what builds empires Neah Walker. That hatred you feel for me, for the Noah, for the world and anyone in it, that is true strength. You believed so much Neah, believed in the power of love and kindness and the blinking frailty of humankind and you lost." The Earl's eyes dulled a moment, scanning Neah's face still twisted in its passionate fury.

"I am sorry, brother, I am sorry I let you stray from your path. I was so caught up in other things that I hadn't realized how far you had fallen and for that I do apologize." The sadness was gone the next second as the anger returned. "You've made your choice brother and I can do nothing but respect it. You can be one of those filthy exorcists just like you wanted, lying dead at my feet as I create a new, more perfect world." Neah's grip tightened as he stared into the heart of darkness, the Earl shifted his weapon in his hand.

"I should be thanking you brother, this war with the exorcists has gone on for far too long and now I've a reason to end it. When the Noah return to me in just a short while we will storm your precious Order and, in your honor, destroy that which you have worked so hard to protect. No human will ever be safe again and a new world will rise from humanity's ashes. And when those pathetic, lonely little creatures cry into the sky, demanding to know who it was that delivered their fate, it is your name I shall whisper."

The Earl raised his sword a grin shaping on his face, splitting through his anger turning into something awful. "You wanted to end this war and now you have, humanity will fall and your conscious will bear their blood." The sword came down almost as in slow motion, but that was the last thing Neah was paying attention to.

He had killed them all.

All this time he had worked so hard, sacrificed everything to try and save people from the Earl but in the end all of his efforts had not only ended in spectacular failure, but in the eventual destruction of the human race. A barrage of people through his mind as he thought of all the people who had been lost on the way here.

Rachel and Rachel, Laura and Erik, Jason and the General, all the other exorcists and other people who had been swept up in the tide of battle.

Just centimeters from his head, he effortlessly caught the blade. The Earl made a small noise in his throat, not one of anger, but one of surprise and maybe a little amusement. Their eyes met and Neah's passion was fueled not only by his own hatred for the Earl, but for all the people he had come to love. That was the Earl's legacy, death and hatred, but Neah wouldn't let it be his.

Maria and Lizzy and Mana and Cross.

He'd loved and lost them all, but they would never be his weakness, and even though they were all gone, they continued to be his strength.

No matter what it took, Neah would not go gently into that good night and if possible, he would drag this demon down with him and fulfill the promise he had made to himself to save the people he loved and all the wonderful people he would never get to know. He didn't even flinch as the sword bit into his palms and caused fresh streams of blood rushed down his arms. It didn't matter; nothing mattered anymore, nothing except keeping his promise.

Another surprised tone came from the Earl who tried to wrench the sword back, but Neah already had his grip on it and using the man's momentum, plunged the sword backwards into his oversized gut. The blood exploded from the mortal wound as the Earl's pristine hands, at which so many lives had met their end, shook with blood and pain. The air grew quiet, as if the whole world was holding its breath, waiting to see how this battle would end. The Earl looked at Neah and slowly, very slowly, the grin climbed back up on his pallid face.

"Are you-are you satisfied my brother? Satisfied to see an old fool die by your hands? To see another life claimed in this war you say you despise?" Neah froze and that moment cost him dearly. The Earl's hand, now covered in both of their blood, gripped at his throat with stark intensity for one who had just taken such a grievous wound. The wound still gushed as cuts caused by his beloved sword were painful to any form of life, however as Neah's oxygen starved body cried out, he realized that his body wasn't going to cooperate with him anymore.

Damn.

The Earl took a deep steadying breath and then two staring into Neah's eyes as his struggles gradually grew weaker and weaker. "You did well brother, I am indeed proud of you." The Earl proclaimed with a breathless huff that Neah had never heard from him before. Neah tried to bring his leg up to kick the Earl, but he could barely find the strength to twitch his toes. He felt like he was being buried, as if layer after layer of sand was being put upon him so that his thoughts and movements were being slowly suffocated and shut down.

"Hush now," the Earl whispered bringing his other hand up from his wound to run his fingers down Neah's paling face. "Hush, it will all be-be over soon my brother and when you wake up again, there will be a whole new world waiting just for you. It will-it will be alright, the next time won't be as hard, I w-will make sure no humans will bother you again." Neah gasped as his eyelids flickered.

"I love you." The Earl said bringing his head down next to Neah's. "I-I always will and I'll be-be waiting for you when-when you c-come back. Then we can be together at last, my brother." The Earl said heartily, a few tears falling from his eyes in what may or may not have been in reaction to another Noah's imminent death. Neah's own bloodied hand gripped the Earl's, his eyes still aware despite their bleary gaze.

"The next time- I-I see you-I'm-I'm g-going to k-k-kill y-you."

The next sound the Earl heard was the squelch of his sword burying itself into Neah's abdomen; curiously enough with his hand was still attached to the hilt. With a panic he knew he shouldn't feel, he ripped the sword out and let Neah fall to the ground. Very little blood came from the wound and there appeared to be no signs that Neah's body was even going to try to heal the wound at all. Despite the awful, painful, _shameful _injury in his stomach, he fell to the ground where his precious brother lay. His clouded eyes stared up at the sky and did not respond to the Earl's pleas as he shook the younger man's body. He had known Neah had to die, but to see him here, now, the blood around him and the smile gone, it seemed unbearable.

But Neah Walker, the one thing the Earl could never have no matter how much he'd tried, had once again slipped his through his fingers. Now he had gone ahead to the one place the Earl could never follow. The thought enraged him. Who did this boy think he was? The rage warmed up his frozen body as his hands gripped the limp, dead flesh. He _would_ have Neah Walker, he _would_ have his brother back exactly where he belonged and he _would_ keep him there for the rest of eternity.

That slippery bastard could only hide for so long before the Earl finally got his hands on him.

A hiss and more blood, his blood, dripped to the ground. No, now was not the time for this. He stood up and mentally called all the Akuma in the area toward him. He would have to rely on these half-wits for a while now that his Ark and his Noah were gone. Through the heart wrenching sadness, a smile formed anew. But these were not things which would be gone forever, his Ark would be reclaimed and if not reclaimed then rebuilt and the Noah would soon be reborn and no matter how hard or how far he ran, Neah Walker would someday be his. Forever.

The thought made his pains ache a little less and made the smile grow back to its normal exuberant proportions. _Yes,_ the Earl thought as he watched as a few dark spots flew toward him, coming from the horizon; _just a short while brother and I'll be waiting, waiting ever so patiently._

So preoccupied was the Earl with his future plans and his Akuma, that he didn't notice a light stirring behind him nor did he notice when he left on top of an Akuma minutes later that one of the bodies had vanished leaving only a dark red stain to prove anyone had been there at all.

But then again, as the Earl would find out many years later, Marian Cross was very good at disappearing.

**DGMDGMDGMDGMDGMDGMDGMDGMDGMD GMDGMDGM**

The Order was quite perplexed to say the least.

The Earl had announced a week ago that he would end the war and destroy all of the exorcists. A large scale attack was indeed mounted on the bases, but then as soon as it had started, the war to end all wars had stopped. In the middle of the fight the Akuma from all the bases had just left for no apparent reason that the exorcists could see. It wasn't as if they had been winning or anything, for every Akuma defeated at least two to three Order personnel had been lost.

Intelligence, Communications, Security, Medical, Administration, Exorcists.

Every branch suffered significant losses and everyone who had survived the devastating attacks seemed to be as lost as the dearly departed. Students mourned their Masters and Masters wept for the children they couldn't save. In the overflowing medical department, Klaud Nine blindly held the hand of one Lani Kamalei as she recovered from spike driven through her leg and from the devastating loss of the beloved General Devdas. Froi motivated the exorcists that could still move to help clear debris and save friends, keeping the light smile plastered on if only for the sake of relieving some kids of their pain. Marilee took but a moment to wipe her brow of sweat before continuing to sift through the rubble for survivors. She worked alongside a young fire Accommodator named Aiden in silence and it was not until many hours later did they find the common connection between their mentors.

It is thus unsurprising that amid all the chaos that no one noticed three more missing and presumed dead exorcists.

They did however question when one of said missing exorcists was found just outside of London by a band of drunkards, missing his right eye and refusing to explain how he had gotten there. Sitting in his hospital bed back at headquarters, he wouldn't answer any questions, wouldn't say how or why he had been so far away from the base or how he had gotten the injury to his face. He would only stare off straight ahead, not looking at anything in particular while the world went on around him.

The only response they would get from him was the occasional time when he would turn his head away from the hovering officials questioning him, turning to look at the wall instead. And only when asked about the whereabouts his known associates, Lizzy Logan and Maria de Monaco.

As the whole of Headquarters was rebuilt and cleaned, a large amount of blood was discovered in the southern most training room. A few shivering kids, missing a few more than the last time they were seen, had claimed that a woman matching the description of Maria de Monaco had been protecting them. Aside from the standard question as to why the North American Branch Guardian was at European Headquarters, it seemed no one, not even her home base, could locate her now.

Marian Cross, of course, had no comment on the matter.

Eventually the whole episode had been written off by Central much to the anger and dismay of the suffering Order members. The events leading up to the attack and the actual battle had been deemed nothing more than, in layman's terms, the Earl fucking with their minds. The Akuma attacks returned to slightly more manageable levels and life seemed to move on in the Black Order and eventually new smiling young exorcists came in and the event was officially and unofficially forgotten.

But not everyone forgot.

A wistful, young man going prematurely grey from the stresses of life, would wander the halls and still see faces he knew had been long dead.

And another scarred young woman worked even harder to succeed to prove herself worthy to the men, to the _man_, who had saved her life that on awful day.

An inspector from Central, a young man in an old man's game. He had been watching suspiciously from the shadows the unfolding events surrounding Marian Cross and his company, especially the dark haired boy whose name he could never remember. The official had done some research based on a hunch and found that the boy was no more an exorcist than he was the Queen of England. Several inconsistencies that didn't add up were miraculously explained one day when the mysterious grey skinned people known as the Clan of Noah was brought up at a meeting. The official could only smile and wait for the time when that troublemaker Marian Cross would slip up and finally be at his mercy after so many long years.

The representative to the Bookman clan had faded out of the Order as if he had never been there and, to most people, he hadn't. He just slipped out as soon as he could, avoiding answering all sorts of questions like he had promised the young Noah. He left as he had come; writing in his books the events as they occurred to the best of his knowledge. He really wished he could get that remaining exorcist to talk, but Bookman knew a broken spirit when he saw one and knew he would have to get his information elsewhere. Maybe one day Marian Cross would finally tell him what had really happened to the 14th and the other exorcists, but that was for another day and besides he had a new apprentice to find.

After a long and drawn out investigation, Marian Cross had been deemed the unfortunate victim of an Akuma attack which had swept him far out of reach of headquarters. Unable to get an answer or a reasonable explanation from the young man, his companions were declared deceased along with hundreds of other exorcists across the globe; their death recorded as unknown. A certain moustached official claimed that the boy had been in league with the Earl, but he was mostly disregarded. Still, many people did not trust Cross or his strange and unresolved involvement in the aforementioned events and he certainly gave them more than enough fodder for their distrust.

The solemn and intellectual young man had undergone a complete transformation after his recovery. Perpetually drunk and obnoxious, Marian Cross dodged every order, every rule, every bit of common sense laid out before him. It was amazing he even made it to General all those years later. Those who had known him before could never hold it against him, for they too knew the pain of loss and what it could drive a man to do. It had never occurred to them that grief wasn't the only motivator for his irrational behavior. Cross would just leer and let them think whatever they damn well wanted.

He had a fucking Noah to wait for.

Meanwhile, all the way across the world in Edo, Japan, the Earl and his only surviving child were also waiting and wanting for the same brilliant, young individual. As that long empty table began to fill up with new and unfamiliar grey faces, the Earl could only grin and count the hours until Neah finally returned to his side.

In a rundown orphanage on the outskirts of London, a small unnamed infant hung on the border between sleep and wakefulness, his deformed left arm hanging limply beside him and his silver eyes were gently closed. The child who would one day be called Red and finally, in an ironic twist of fate, Allen, shifted a little, but otherwise barely noticed as the Noah spirit entered his body. Noah settled more comfortably into its new host and began preparing itself for the day it would awaken. The green cross in the boy's hand which had so repelled his caretakers glowed momentarily in protest, before recognizing a kindred spirit.

The young boy, who, unbeknownst to him, was being sought after by no less than three separate parties, was calm and quiet at the moment at odds with the chaos his future would bring him. Out of nowhere, coming from somewhere deep within the child's subconscious, came a haunting and beautiful melody. A lone piano crooned loving as slowly, ever so slowly, the child slipped into a peaceful slumber awaiting the day he could finish what he started all those years ago.

_So as the boy fell to sleep,_

_The fire in the ash engulfs the air._

_One, by one..._

* * *

_Outside the street's on fire in a real death waltz between what's flesh and what's fantasy_

_And the poets down here don't write nothing at all, they just stand back and let it all be_

_And in the quick of the night, they reach for their moment and try to make an honest stand_

_But they wind up wounded, not even dead. _

_Tonight... in... Jun...gle...land. ~ Bruce Springsteen_

* * *

Well there we go, that is the way the cookie crumbles in this madcap fantasy I've constructed that bears little resemblance to the original material. Oh well, that's life I suppose. So pretty much every one of importance dies in a horrific way and the survivors live on to reluctantly stumble through life searching for a way to make it up to the people they let down. Depressing, but this chapter is a lot lighter then last chapter.

Also while we all know the Cross would live, I gave a little clue for those who have some knowledge of anatomy. It is a common misconception that bodies bleed postmortem. If you cut a corpse, gravity will eventually cause blood to leak out but it will not bleed like it a normal body. Had Neah had such knowledge he would've been a little more suspicious of the large pool of blood coming from his friend. Bad Neah for not studying!

I don't really have much more to say as I feel it speaks for itself. I wanted to dedicate this chapter to my Grandpa. I wrote this section this past December when I was at my Grandparents house to be with my Grandpa before he passed. He'd had a stroke and for two weeks we sat with him and watched him slowly fade away. Needless to say, death was perpetually on my mind during that period thus Neah's existential rant in the middle of the chapter. Death is meaningless if you do not have a life worth protecting and I wanted to thank my Grandpa for teaching me about how to make both count. I love you Pumkineater, you were such an inspiration to me and you continue to inspire me with your kindness and worldly wisdom.

Epilogue will be up next Tuesday on the 28th, I hope to see you all there! Thank you again for all your support and your comments.

_Jungleland_ (c) is owned by Bruce Springsteen and the E street band.


	26. Epilogue: In My Life

_Disclaimer: I do not own any part of D. Gray-man nor any of its characters. I can only close my eyes and quietly play dress up with said characters in my head and hope I'm not desecrating Hoshino Katsura's work too much._

For those of you who care, Author's Notes will be at the end of every chapter and any and all questions will be gleefully answered if asked.

* * *

_There are places I remember _

_All my life, t__hough some have changed_

_Some forever, not for better_

_Some have gone and some remain._

* * *

**EPILOGUE: THE CIRCLE CLOSES**

**_Mana Walker_**

_So this is what it's like to be free_, Mana Walker would think as he passed through another nameless town to put on a show for a faceless audience. Standing in his small tent, he put his arms into the air and turned around to greet his brother as he walked in.

"Neah, there you ar-" but as always, there was no one there. Mana turned back, his frustration and sadness temporarily overwhelming his good mood. There were some days when he would wonder just where Neah had wandered off to with that red haired friend of his and why he hadn't come back yet. When he was really thinking about it, Mana would wonder about the giant gaps in his memory and he would ask himself what had happened to him that was so awful that parts of his life seemed too unbearable for him to even remember.

But most days he would just shrug off these inconvenient questions and plod on through life unawares.

He was only eighteen after all; he still had time to make new memories.

One thing that had always bothered him was the peculiar way people would look at him when he said he was eighteen years old. He would then look in a mirror, a shop window or even just a puddle and find to his horror that he was indeed in the body of a sad, old man. But that wasn't right, he was still only eighteen and Neah was fifteen almost sixteen. They were travelling together looking for work in circuses. Neah had gone out with a friend for a short while and Mana was waiting for him to return. After a while these thought would just drift off and be forgotten and the next time someone questioned his age he would show the same look of utter confusion and misunderstanding.

He stretched and began his morning routine, Allen faithfully trotting beside him. There were many things people could say about him, but no could say that Mana Walker did not love his dog. He reminded Mana very much of his little brother and sometimes he would find himself spending the whole of training talking to Allen and asking him if he remembered what had happened. Allen never answered, but Mana never questioned it. He knew how fussy teenagers could be, so he gave Neah his space. Allen was barking at something now and Mana shook his head, how silly he had been. After so long spent training, his brother would certainly hungry. Mana knew how impatient Allen could be so, with a smile, he excused himself to go get some food for them.

_It's okay, Neah, you don't have to thank me. That's what big brothers are for. _

He came back to the tent several minutes later and found Allen gone, making the tent seem cold and lifeless. Mana pouted for a minute before slowly settling in to eat his own food, gently setting Allen's off to the side. Neah was always running off like that, running around with his friends and such. But he would always come back, he had promised Mana that he would come back and so Mana would be content to wait until then.

Somewhere outside, a young orphan was meeting his namesake.

The next day as Mana was coming back from his last show for the night, he watched as several other clowns glared at him before going back to their conversations. Mana ignored them as he always did and kept walking like Neah told him to. Mana didn't really like talking to people. They asked too many uncomfortable questions he didn't know, or didn't want to know, the answers to. But he did love performing. It was something he had always done and, hopefully, would always do. He liked how he could say such powerful things without ever opening his mouth and how it always made the audience happy. But their praise was nothing compared to Neah's small hands applauding Mana's every move.

Where had that boy run off to again?

The thought drifted away again as a familiar voice came from the other side of his tent, Mana started.

"Neah?" He asked, his hands shaking and his lip quivering, had Neah really come back to him? After so many long years, had Neah returned like he had promised? The light voice paused a moment before entering. It was a young boy, perhaps around 9 or 10 with dirty, reddish brown hair tied in a messy ponytail.

"Uh no, I'm just bringing your food." The kid answered gruffly, turning his head to the side and holding out the plate. Mana's jumbled senses snapped back into place as he shakily grabbed the plate.

"Oh dear, I'm sorry," he found himself whispering in his cheerful tone. "I thought you were someone else." The boy looked down at his dirty feet and without another word scampered out of the tent leaving Mana holding the plate and staring at the place the little boy had previously occupied.

A tear made its way down his face without his notice, smearing his makeup. Neah, Neah had finally come back. It didn't matter that his Neah was taller, older and a lot cleaner than this kid. It didn't matter that this kid looked nothing like his brother or that his mannerisms were the opposite of the soft and sophisticated way Neah had carried himself. He could just tell, as his older brother, Mana could practically hear Neah calling out to him.

And now he had finally come home.

**DGMDGMDGM**

Mana Walker watched as his new charge slept peacefully on his makeshift bed. He didn't remember Neah ever sleeping so soundly, but now wasn't the time to think about that. Mana achingly rubbed his head where he had been hit after the attack,_ the Akuma attack, _something faraway whispered inside of his head. He brushed all of this off; Neah needed his attention more right now. _But still,_ he thought quietly, allowing his mind to stray to the things he was so terribly afraid off.

To the dark demons that had ravaged his circus.

The fat man with the wide grin and his brother's blood on his hands.

The red haired priest with the giant revolver who had caused him to feel oh so alone.

But such thoughts, as with everything else in Mana Walker's life, just slipped away. He gently put his hand out to rest it atop the boy's head, but pulled back at the last moment. Neah didn't remember him. Earlier that day, when he had spoken to Neah for the second time over Allen's dead body, the boy had given him a look of anger and later sadness, but none of recognition. Mana set his hand back in his lap and continued to watch the small boy's chest rise and fall slowly. That didn't matter, Neah was here now and everything else would come with time. He would help Neah remember who he was and maybe, just maybe, Neah could help him find himself again. Neah was always good at helping people like that.

Despite Neah being the younger brother, Mana had always been impressed by his bravery and kindness. When Neah had disappeared, Mana had found himself sorely missing those little habits. That sweet, polite smile coupled with his humbled speech. It had seemed in those long and lonely days when the dog wouldn't talk back that Mana could bring a little bit of Neah back with those same gestures. Mana smiled again and slowly patted the boy's back as he had done when Neah was little, causing him to stir and open his silver eyes. He rubbed at his eyes in a way that was so adorable, Mana couldn't help but coo. Neah frowned and brushed off his hand.

"I'm sorry to have woken you; you just looked so cute sleeping like that." Neah blushed and said that he wasn't cute and Mana could only smile. His time away had made Neah very coarse, but no matter, Neah would soon be back to normal and life would continue on as it always had.

"So Allen, would you like some dinner?"

**_Marian Cross_**

Marian Cross, exorcist General for the Black Order, had spent much of his youth dreaming of his bright and wonderful future saving the world alongside his friends. In his worst, more horrendous nightmares, he had never imagined his adult life could ever be as bad as it was now. Thirty five years, thirty five fucking long years had passed since he'd been happy, since he'd had friends, since his life had anything that vaguely resembled meaning. Sometimes he wished that one night he'd end up drinking just a little too much or he would finally be overcome in battle, but for some reason, Cross just kept on living and only a dead man's promise kept him from turning his well-worn weapon on himself.

So time passed as it occasionally has a tendency to do. It passed, as far as Cross was concerned, too fast and too damn slow at the same time. Hadn't it been only been yesterday when he had held Lizzy's soft hands in his own, pushed away Maria's wandering ones or had cheerfully ruffled Neah's unruly hair? Or had it really been the thirty odd years his body felt every day?

Whatever, don't think about it, have another drink, wait for Neah to come back.

During those awful, agonizing,_ loathsome_ times when Cross did not have enough liquor to drink himself into a drunken stupor, he thought of his wonderful and oh so painful memories and he thought of things he'd really rather not be thinking about.

He thought of finally burying Maria and putting his guilt behind him once and for all.

He thought of what he would do should his superiors, and he used _that_ word loosely, discover his connection to the Noah.

Mostly he thought about what he would do should he actually _find_ Neah's reincarnation.

He rubbed his aching temples as he did the walk he guiltily forced himself to make at least once or twice a year. He ambled slightly off balance -he never could do this thing completely sober after all- toward the shining circus tent which stood as a gleaming testament to his failure. The tent was different every time he saw Mana, but the cold weight settling onto the General's shoulders was the same as it always was.

To see a man he had once consider a friend and a supporter lose his mind a little more each year.

To see a face long dead stare back at him as he wondered with morbid fascination if Neah would've looked like that had he the chance to see as many years.

Timcanpy fluttered alongside him and plopped contently onto his shoulder. Cross brought his hand up to delicately stroke the golem's nearest wing as he'd done since the creature's inception. As much as it hurt to have a permanent reminder of his past constantly following him around, he couldn't let go of the damned thing he and Neah had slaved over just like he couldn't let go of Maria.

Shit, don't go there, not now.

A few questions later and he found himself in front of Mana's tent, nervously twiddling with Judgment, trying to think of any excuse to postpone this misery. He wouldn't have much time as the man would be performing soon, which suited Cross just fine. Just because he had to keep an eye on Mana didn't mean he had to mommy the idiot man. He respected Mana too much to watch him be degraded into something so disgraceful. Still, Cross resolved once again to never make so damning a promise to someone.

It was harder to drink himself into forgetfulness if he had to keep chasing after ghosts.

He never went in and actually spoke to Mana, no, that would be too difficult for the both of them. He always hovered on the outside of the tent, just long enough to assure himself that Mana was alive and relatively well. He was about to turn away, satisfied to find his friend's brother still breathing, when the sound of a child's laugher stopped him cold. Even Timcanpy reacted to the light, melodious sound, flapping his wings wildly, but Cross held him down with what little motor control he had left. _No,_ he thought with dim panic, _it can't possibly be_.

"You fell down you idiot, why do stay in the circus if you suck so much?" asked the young voice again and Cross's shoulder's relaxed just a fragment. The voice was different and Neah would never speak to anyone, much less Mana, in such a rude fashion, but still Cross couldn't dismiss the chilly feeling making it's way up his spine. That small burst of laughter had set off bells he hadn't heard in thirty five years.

"You know why Allen. I am looking for my brother; he went away for a little bit so I have to travel around so that I may find him again. I really think you would like my brother, you two would get on very well." Came Mana's light voice filled with more hope and exuberance than Cross had heard in a very long time. He took a step backwards and then another and then he ran as fast as he could. He ran until he was far away from the circus, until his abused body couldn't go any further, until that damn laugh, so familiar and yet so different had finally stopped echoing in his head. He slumped against the nearest tree and greedily took deep, gasping breaths.

He brought his hand up to push his thick hair from his face and found it was shaking. Christ he was jumpy, and for what? There was probably nothing to worry about. Tim flew in circles over his head, making Cross feel even dizzier as the world came into focus again. He didn't know what to do. He had always said he would find Neah again, but it had been thirty five years. He was starting to believe that Neah wouldn't come back at all. The cold air did not answer him and did nothing but burn his raw throat.

So what the fuck was he supposed to do now?

He slowly sank to the ground, watching his breath mist in the chill December air. He used to feel guilty about this, about his life, but eventually that had passed as he let himself become quite the bastard. Bastards didn't feel guilt after all, so it had seemed the logical conclusion to keep his sanity. His breathing evened out a little more as he began to calm down. He frowned thoughtfully. He wasn't as spiritual as the others had been, but he had always believed that he had survived for a reason. And it certainly wasn't to be a lazy General for a corrupt Order.

If this kid really was in fact Neah, then Cross had to do something about it. And what of Mana? He frowned and pulled his coat tighter as the winter air finally caught up to him. The fact that Mana had the kid, if he really _was _Neah, was disturbing. If Mana were all there, Cross would slap him on the back and wipe his hands of matter and find the nearest bar to forget his memories. But with Mana as he was now, who knows what sort of messed up ideas he'd put into that kid's head? And if he was meant for something more, then Neah certainly wasn't supposed to come back as a nut job clown either.

"_I'm going to find my way back to Mana somehow and we'll be together again."_ A ghostly voice from long ago whispered in his head. He rubbed his temples, upset by the fact that this evening was rustling up a whole bunch of stuff he'd rather not remember. He sighed and slowly lifted himself off the ground, making his way over to nearby tavern for some mind numbing booze and a place to stay the next few nights. Really, it wouldn't kill him to confirm his suspicions would it?

**DGMDGMDGM**

The boy was good; Cross had to admit watching the kid balance on a ball with natural ease.

That didn't, however, mean that Cross was any more comfortable around him. His shoulders were tense watching the hesitant smile form on the kid's face as people dropped coins into his hat. The sense of familiarity, the desire to be with the kid was too disconcerting and it was giving him a headache that had nothing to do with tremendous hangover he'd woken up to this morning. It had taken surprisingly long to find the kid again, it turned out there were tons of orphan kids running around the circus and Cross had been too unnerved to get a good look at the brat in Mana's tent. It had taken him almost two days to find the kid who followed Mana around which led to disturbing feeling number two.

The kid had fucking Innocence in his fucking arm.

As if being the reincarnation of a goddamned Noah wasn't bad enough, the kid had to be a goddamned exorcist too, thus the pounding headache. Normally he'd have taken the boy, tossed him to the nearest finder and been on his merry way satisfied that he was at least pretending to do his job. But this was different.

The kid was Neah; Cross was absolutely certain of it, as certain as his hair was red and that his head ever motherfucking hurt. If asked to explain why, he couldn't find the words. The kid looked completely different, spoke different, walked differently, and could not have been more unlike the smiling and refined guy Cross had loved like a brother if he had tried. But still the feeling persisted, the little things Cross paid close attention to, the light shrug of the shoulders, the occasional smile and those damned familiar silver eyes that had brought him comfort and happiness so long ago.

Cross should take him far away from here. He should take the brat under his wing as an exorcist and train him for the Order while he prepared his brain for whenever Neah decided to come out. But he just couldn't. He was getting goose bumps just standing near the kid, and he couldn't even imagine training him. Not to mention the fact that he didn't train anyone. As a General, technically he was required to find and train exorcists, but Tiedoll was such a goddamn saint taking them all in and Cross just really couldn't care less about kids or their problems. He had his own problems to worry about without thinking of some snot-nosed brat's

Or that's what he told himself anyway, it _certainly_ wasn't because he was afraid of getting even marginally close to anyone again at risk of once again being alone. That would require a heart and that had been stolen a long time ago by the Millennium Earl. Being a bastard had its occasional benefits.

The kid, Allen he believes Mana had called him, smiled as another coin was thrown in his hat and Cross felt his spine shiver. It was unnatural to see that smile again and Cross would have no part of it. He'd watched out for Mana all these years because Neah had thought Mana would be alone. Well now he's got his brother's reincarnated spirit to pal around with so Cross wasn't really needed anymore.

He rolled his cigarette to the other side of his mouth as he continued to watch, not liking the uncomfortable feeling settling in his gut. Well, bastard or not he wasn't sure he was alright leaving his best friend's soul in the hands of a delusional clown. Even he had to have some limits. His feet taking on a mind of their own, he found him standing in front of the boy whose wide, silver eyes bore into him with a guilty vengeance. He briefly wondered if he could afford the amount of liquor it would take to forget this entire episode.

"What's your name kid?" He asked to the startled kid who instead tried to ignore him and turned away. Cross growled under his breath, Neah always had to make things hard, didn't he? "I asked you your damn name kid, is it Allen?" The kid finally looked up at him and Cross felt as if thirty years had just fallen away. The moment passed and the kid, the host necessary for Neah's resurrection, slowly shook his head. Cross breathed the glorious smoke into his lungs and dug into his coat for a coin, if he was going to leave the damn kid alone, he might as make sure he had enough money to live on. This kid, Allen, had to live long enough for Neah to be reborn. Besides, he wasn't a half bad clown.

"Don't get too close to Mana Walker." He said, quickly turning and walking away as fast as he could. It wasn't much, but it was something at least. Maybe the kid could enjoy what little time he had left before he lost his soul to the demon lurking inside of him. Cross buried his hands deep into his pockets, trying not to imagine the horrific future that awaited that poor little bastard as he walked away.

Though a small part of him wanted to turn around and spend a little more time with the kid, but in the end he just kept on walking because he _could_ walk away from this. He had to if wanted any hope of staying out of this. He knew better than to get mixed up in the affairs of the Noah family again, next time he might not have the luxury of being able to limp away from the battle. So Marian Cross walked away, his golem reluctantly flying after him leaving Allen and Mana Walker to themselves. Well mostly, the fact that no Akuma after that first night ever got within eyesight of the two was purely coincidence.

Because Marian Cross was, above all else, a bastard and bastards simply did not care anymore.

**DGMDGMDGM**

_It's too soon,_ Cross thought kneeling down to the ground, _it's too damn soon_. He didn't want to be here, he really wished he were anywhere but here right now. But Mana's death couldn't be ignored and the crying kid even less so. Three years, three goddamned years Cross had been running from this, from this moment he knew had been coming since he's first laid eyes on that damned kid.

Neah was coming back and he'd be coming back into this brat and taking from this poor kid his life and his body. It made him sick just thinking about. Neah would never have wanted something like this to happen, he never would have allowed another person to be hurt at his expense. Cross grit his teeth, why did he have to deal with this? Hadn't he been through enough shit in his life? He wanted to ask Neah, but the kid was crying and Cross didn't he'd be much help anyways.

Goddamned kid.

He didn't want to go through this, not again, he'd watched Neah die once and he certainly didn't want to see this fucking kid die. Not because he_ liked_ him or anything, it just wasn't fair was all. Cross had been doing a fine job of running away. He'd ditched headquarters and had just recently been given a legitimate excuse to stay away for a while. The powers that be had decided he should be given a near impossible mission to find the Earl's Akuma factory, most likely just to get him the hell out of headquarters. Fine by him really, he could milk that one out for _years_ if he wanted to.

He'd been watching Mana and the newly christened Allen Walker – with a name like that, maybe Mana wasn't as out there as he'd previously thought- for a while now, watching as he grew to be more like Neah every day and things had been just fine like that. Mana was happy, Allen would be happy until the Noah appeared and Cross was happy to be far, far away from it all. And then Tim had to ruin it all by rushing back to tell him that Mana had died and that Neah was all alone.

Allen, Allen was all alone.

Well of course, Cross had to come back and make sure the damn kid didn't kill himself and put thirty years down the drain. And good thing he hadn't gotten there a moment later 'cause the stupid kid had actually summoned the Millennium Earl to resurrect Mana.

Fucking hell, he'd never been closer to a heart attack then seeing the Earl so close to Ne-Allen. Cross had considered intervening, doing something, anything, to save the kid from the inevitable fate of all those who call upon the Earl. But as soon as it had started, it was over. The Earl had disappeared in a puff of smoke; Mana's Akuma was destroyed by the kid's parasitic Innocence and now the damned kid crying. When Cross didn't have a crying kid to deal with he'll think about why the Earl had spared Allen. Had he, like Cross, sensed the familiarity lying just below surface? Fuck that, he'll think about it later when he was drinking.

But the kid…

He knew what he had to do, finally after all these years. He understood why he had been spared the same fate as his friends, knew how to fulfill the promise he had made to the people he still loved even after so long. All he had to do was say it. He swallowed the lump in his throat as the kid looked up at him through the nasty cut on his right eye that had Cross wondering if the kid recognized him. Somewhere in there, Neah was watching and waiting. He reminded himself that he wasn't doing this for himself or even for the goddamned kid; he was doing this for Neah.

"You wanna become an exorcist?"

**DGMDGMDGM**

"Master, wait up!" Cross did not yield, if anything, he walked faster. Maybe if he walked fast enough, the damn kid would really leave. But the kid, _his apprentice_, had the advantage of youth and soon caught up, trailing just slightly behind him with the expression of a beaten puppy. His cigarette hung limply from his mouth as he glared down as the much shorter kid- Cross would not deny the satisfaction he felt at finally being taller than Neah- wandered a little closer to his side.

Ever since he'd gotten the kid out of his stupor a few weeks ago at Mother's house, the clingy brat just wouldn't leave him alone. Everywhere he went, the kid just trailed behind, taking every abuse Cross had to throw at him calmly and quietly, just like Neah would have.

Christ, he needed a drink.

Cross hadn't really decided on how to train him, Cross wasn't exactly what you would call 'teacher material' unlike Tiedoll who was determined to save the fucking world. Maybe if he let the kid follow him around, he'll pick up on the important stuff and when he was marginally trained, Cross could drop him off at headquarters and wait for Neah to emerge and figure out what to do from there.

"Master where are we going?" Cross said nothing and resisted the urge to smack him if only because it would require him taking his hands out of his pockets and that was too much damn effort this early in the morning.

"This way, now shut up." The kid was quiet for a moment before looking up again.

"Are there Akuma over there, is that why we're walking this way?" Cross felt his left eye twitch in a manner he hadn't experienced since Tiedoll last tried to throw him a birthday party. How did the man put up with all these kids and their damn stupid questions? Tim flew between them, unsurprisingly protective to the boy who would one day turn into his master. Cross once again did not hit him because then he would have to face Tim's wrath and he'd had his ear chewed on enough these last few years thank you very much.

"Sure, whatever, now shut up." Couldn't the damn brat keep quiet for one minute? At least Neah knew how to be quiet every now and again. The kid frowned.

"When are we going to stop and eat Master? I'm hungry." Cross wanted to sigh and beat the kid senseless. How hungry could such a small kid be? He just ate enough food to feed a small army not an hour before. A thought, half forgotten, floated through his head. Maria had been that way as well a long time ago when she had been capable of enjoying food. Parasitic types, he remembered, burned through energy more quickly and therefore required more food to fuel their Innocence. The thought of the kid sharing Maria's trait kept Cross from smacking him.

"We're outside; you can have anything you want out here." The face Allen made at the thought was pretty damn amusing and Cross almost smiled. The not smile disappeared quickly and he picked up his pace again causing the kid to chase after him once more.

Neah, his name was Neah. Allen was just a temporary name given to him by a dead man.

That's what Marian Cross told himself as he and his newfound apprentice kept moving forward, but not once that day did Cross ever lay a hand on the boy except to drop Timcanpy onto his head. It wasn't like he cared, he just had to get through this apprenticeship and wait for Neah to return. The kid next to him giggled a little as Tim settled more comfortably into his white hair. Kid looked pretty happy right then not knowing what awaited his future, it was almost sickening to watch. Cross frowned again and kept on walking all the while wondering what he would do when he reached his final destination. Cross didn't have an answer and only growled as he continued forward, his young apprentice and Tim right behind him.

Neah had better get here real fucking soon because there was no way in hell he was going soft, not again.

**_The Earl and the Noah_**

Tyki Mikk slowly exhaled the smoke from his lungs, enjoying the patterns it made in the stagnant air.

God he loved smoking.

He raked his eyes lazily over his surroundings as he took another long drag. The Noah were, as usual, being total and complete morons. But that was okay, they were family and they were allowed to act as ridiculous as they wanted. As the Earl came in and took his seat at the head of the table, Tyki sighed and reluctantly ground his cigarette into the ashtray. He knew better than to test the Earl's patience on things like etiquette. He didn't really care about all that fancy stuff, but he knew the rules. To the Earl, their dinners were sacred above all else.

As the other Noah greeted the Earl, Tyki let his eyes wander over the table again. He was still getting used to all of this Noah stuff, but the most bothering aspect of the whole ordeal was that whenever he looked at the Noah, it felt like he was seeing double, like he was expecting to see someone else there in their place. The Earl told him that it was normal, that it was just the previous Noah's memory settling and coming to grips with its new life and memories. Tyki just hoped that _it_ would end soon and that _it_ would take the unexplained heartache with _it_.

And so, the 12 members of the Noah clan and their patriarch began their Friday night dinner as always.

Or was it 13?

There was something wrong about that too, he had questioned the other Noah, but they either didn't know what he was talking about or would curtly brush him off. Worse, Rhode got this sad expression on her face and told him not to think about_ it_. And dammit he certainly was trying, but the uneasiness refused to go away. He pushed his food around on his plate and wondered what his friends, what his _human_ friends, were doing. The Earl had not liked them, it had startled Tyki how much the Earl had not liked them. Only the assurance that he wasn't attached to the humans in any way and that he only used them to kill time kept them alive. It had been the first and hopefully the last lie he would ever tell to the Earl.

Tyki had lived the majority of his life as a regular human, so he couldn't understand the Earl's problem with him keeping a few acquaintances outside of the family. But of course Tyki wouldn't ask. If the look on his Lord's face when the topic was broached was any indication, he really didn't want to know the answer. He rubbed his head wearily as his Inner Noah continued to whisper in his head. He didn't understand half of what the damn thing was saying, but the French accent was really starting to piss him off.

As he made light conversation with Sheril, he tried to push away the foreboding feeling in the back of his head, like he was missing something important, like there was something he should be remembering. Or someone. Unbeknownst to the Noah of Pleasure, the others would occasionally have similar thoughts in their heads which were immediately ignored and forgotten until something triggered _it_ again.

Lulu Bell quietly ate her soup, pointedly ignoring the company around her. _They weren't important_, she would tell herself, _all that mattered was serving her Master_. A half remembered mania would seize her as she vowed to always do the best to serve her Lord and never let anything stand between him and his goals ever again. Though for the life of her, she could never quite pin down what _it_ was that had impeded him in the past.

But whatever _it_ was, she was determined not to let _it _happen again.

Sheril, as he teasingly ruffled Tyki's curly hair, did not think about _it_ all that often. He had just been appointed minister of a country and was soon thinking of getting married, just for the hell of it, so he really didn't have time to think about such silly things.

On the occasion his thoughts did stray to the past, to Noah's past, he would feel a dirty, unquenchable rage and pain. Such feelings would be brushed aside with a cough and a smile. He couldn't have that; that was Skinn's job after all. So he would just smile and love in his own suffocating way, not imagining where his newfound love had come from.

Skinn angrily stabbed his steak and growled with distaste. Why did they try to give him this? Why couldn't they just give him something sweet? He growled some more and vented his rage on a nearby Akuma servant as he demanded for something with lots of sugar in it. He only half listened to the others as they joked and teased causing a dull anger to beat in his temples. They didn't understand, none of them did. They didn't know what it felt like to really hate. _It_ burned deep within, a hatred not just born of blood, but of painful experience. The mere thought of Innocence was enough to send him into a berserker rage.

_It_ wasn't just instinct, _it_ was personal.

The next exorcist he saw, he would mutilate and tear apart and destroy. It was thoughts like these that would temporarily quell his fury. He then ferociously dug into his ice cream, his natural hatred gelling with the instinctual hatred of Noah. He couldn't exactly remember why he hated Innocence as much as he did, but _it _was there and _it_ was real and he would never, ever forgive _it_.

Jasdero and Devit pushed each other, laughing and pointing their guns at one another gaily. They continued like that until Jasdero got his long hair tangled in Devit's fork. Devit could only sigh and make fun of the damn idiot, but helped him untangle his hair anyway.

It was the way it had always been.

Once there had been a time, longer than any of the current Noah cared to remember, the Noah of Bonds had been different as night and day, two sides of the same twisted coin, the calm and the crazy split between two bodies. But life had shown them that separation was dangerous, _it_ had shown them the horrific possible consequences if they weren't connected in every single way... they could possibly lose each other like they had so long ago.

There were nights where one or the other would wake from sleep, the horrible feeling of solitude beating loudly in their temples and they would cuddle closer to their other half. In the morning _it_ would be forgotten, but Noah would always remember that searing feeling of watching the other die, of watching loneliness take hold.

Rhode would smile and laugh along with the others, just enjoying their presence, just happy to see them here and alive after so many years. It wasn't quite right, she thought, seeing Amora as a flirtatious young man instead of a brutal woman or observing Lulu Bell's sleek blonde hair so different from Analyse's curly black locks, but that was alright. Anything was better than the long and terribly lonely years where it was just she and Earl at this big table, their forks clinking silently on their plates as they waited for their family to come back.

All of this chaos was better than the insufferable silence that had prevailed in Edo for so long.

It was during these loud periods that she could retreat inward and wonder the traitorous thoughts that would occasionally keep her awake at night. She would wonder if Neah had reincarnated yet, where he was and what he looked like now. Did he still remember her? Did he still plan on destroying the Earl? What would she do if she saw him again? Who would she choose this time, had she the choice? Her brother or her Lord?

Her eyes wandered over to the Earl and she would frown with a bitterness that did not suit her youthful appearance, well she didn't need Neah. Neah had betrayed them, stolen her family from her, why would she ever betray her Lord who had cared so much for her all these years for the brother who had abandoned her? So she would then smile just a little brighter and chat with her newfound family, not once questioning her loyalties.

That is until a certain white-haired exorcist with very familiar eyes came along.

The Millennium Earl, the bringer of darkness and the destruction of the human race, had come close to dying at the hands of his youngest and most trusted Noah.

It was a mistake, one he did not plan on repeating again in the future. These new Noah were well trained, he had not coddled any of them, he had not let any of their weak human emotions overtake them and he kept a careful eye on them all to ensure that none would step out of line as Neah had. In a few years, they would be sent out into the world to battle the exorcists openly so he could cultivate their hatred and ensure that no Noah would go where Neah had.

The ugly scar in his stomach burned at the thought of his brother, now long dead, but who lived on eternally in his memories. Soon, very soon, the 14th Noah would be reborn and the Earl was determined have him once and for all. He would find that child as soon as he could and purge him of all the things that made the previous 14th so traitorous. The Earl smiled broadly, giving his eldest daughter a knowing grin, very soon indeed.

But as the years passed and he continued the cold war, he grew frustrated by Neah's lack of appearance. He should have reincarnated by now and yet the Earl could find no traces of him. The Earl spent many hours deep in concentration, searching the world for any trace of his youngest Noah. But there was none to be found. It had never occurred to the Earl during those long hours of searching that Innocence in Neah's new body had corrupted his Inner Noah and prevented him from being found. No, Noah simply were not born into exorcists' bodies. But then again, Noah also did not betray the Millennium Earl.

So he, like Mana Walker and Marian Cross, contented himself to wait. And it was as he patiently waited, playing with his dolls and planning his victory that the 14th did indeed reincarnate and was already well on his way on his path toward the Earl's destruction. It had not dawned on him the depth of his brother's hatred for him until he caught the first few glimpses of Neah hidden within Allen Walker, an exorcist who bore a grudge against him for the death of one Mana Walker.

Mana Walker, the same man who had stolen Neah from him in the first place.

Somewhere, the 14th was laughing as he once again slipped just out of the Earl's reach.

**_Neah Walker_**

Neah Walker wasn't really alive in the technical sense of the word, but everything that had made him who he was still lived on in one Allen Walker.

That was how the genes of Noah worked, they overrode their current host's DNA and fitted the personality so that by the time the host became aware of themselves as a human, they were already on their way to becoming a fully awakened Noah. So after being reunited with Mana, the little bits of Neah slowly started to leak out of Allen to the delight and dismay of those who had known him in his previous life.

The sweet and encouraging words combined with the ever present smile, the ability to love without fail and those hauntingly familiar eyes that made it very hard to dislike the young boy soon to be exorcist soon to be Noah. But there were differences as well; differences General Cross had ensured were there in order to delay the 14th's awakening. Not because he _cared_ for the annoying brat who followed him around or anything, he had just decided it was just too damn soon for Neah to awaken. Allen was honest and not as comfortable with lying as Neah had been. He was also unwilling to stoop to the blood ridden levels Neah had in those final, desperate days. Noah or not, he believed that they were still human and were just as deserving of salvation. His boundless determination to succeed at whatever he did was one of the things that characterized him as Allen Walker and separated from Neah Walker, who had spent many years just drifting in his opinions.

His friends would later remark that such qualities really didn't fit with Allen's overall disposition. Little did they know that such odd deviations had only made it more difficult for his Inner Noah to emerge and, in the end, would give Allen a fighting chance against the Noah who wished for his soul. The Noah who lived within Allen would not give up easily though; it had lost the battle once with its previous host because it had thought it could persuade the boy with kind and loving words. This time it was determined to scare the boy into submission, to beat his spirit down and finally achieve its destiny as the ruler of this world.

Nineteen years of nothingness and an additional sixteen dwelling within the recesses of Allen Walker's mind had caused it to forget just how strong the boy could be. When they met face to face for the first time, the Noah remembered the last words Neah had spoken to it and it realized that even after thirty five years, it just might lose this battle again. Some spirits, it seemed, just could not be broken.

So that was how the years went as Allen grew up along with the dark entity residing within him.

He joined the Black Order with high hopes and a bright smile with the feeling that he had been searching his whole life for this place, not knowing that, in a way, he had been. He quickly became settled at the Order, finding the place comfortable despite its bleak halls. If only he could stop himself from getting lost, he would probably enjoy it all the more. The people whom he would later became close with were people he just drifted toward without ever really knowing why.

The Asian girl with a comforting smile and enough love to support Allen through all of his troubles.

The buoyant and eccentric Branch Chief whose love for his adorable charges bordered on paternal.

The clownish young scientist who was dedicated to supporting the weary exorcists in any way he could.

The somber and stoic Japanese swordsman and the intelligent and witty red-headed boy, who despite their vast differences, just seemed to work well together.

People and personalities that Allen had been drawn to, just as Neah had been years before.

The Order embraced Allen Walker for his sweet and charming personality and just a little bit of familiarity. A certain General or two would pause every now and again and just watch the boy and wonder about another silver eyed boy from so long ago who disappeared without a trace.

Allen himself was not completely unaware of the Noah inside him. It was like the ghostly shadow that one can only see out of the corner of their eye. Something that was unknown and unseen, but was always there, lurking just out of sight. Allen would merely smile and shake off the strange, misplaced feelings and memories and try and catch up to his Master who always walked too fast.

It was during these periods that Allen Walker would feel his gaze pulled toward the sky as he tottered after his not-quite-sober Master and think of things he didn't really know. He would think of bright and brilliant emerald eyes and wide smiles, a brusque hug from a quiet and caring red man, the softest color brown he had ever seen and an absolute feeling of love and determination that Allen himself would later find in others.

It was times like these that Allen Walker almost remembers his past and friends with whom he shared it.

* * *

_Though I know I'll never ever lose affection_

_For people and things that went before_

_And I know I'll often stop and think about them_

_In my life, I've loved you more_

_In my life I've loved you more. ~ The Beatles_

* * *

Well what a jolly good time that was! I actually like this epilogue; I think I did a fairly good job connecting my past to the present and so on and so forth. So this is the end of the story! The only real note I have is for Mana and Cross's stories, they make many references to the DGM reverse volume three Lost Fragments in the Snow. I think it'd be easiest just to go to the DGM Wiki like I did if you have any further questions on that. Whew, I can't believe I actually did this, I mean there was a point I wasn't sure if this story would be written, finished or put up on here but I'm very glad I did. It was (most of the time) a joy to write and I'm once again really excited about writing. For you Detective Conan fans out there, I'm planning the doozy to end all doozies, a story that ends the eighteen year old manga X_X Please, a little luck might be nice if you all have some to spare.

But seriously, this project was very much a part of my life for so long and while I'm glad to see it reach its conclusion, I'm also a little sad. Thank you reviewers and readers alike for your comments and your patronage, it's nice to know that all the nights I spent furiously typing on my laptop were not for naught :P I take my hat off to all of you for being such a beautiful audience. I'd also like to thank my Timcanpy doll who sat on my head for inspiration and my giraffe dolls who were soft and cuddly when plots were hard to come by. Hmm am I forgetting anyone else... oh yes, I suppose I _must_ mention my beta, Going Sideways. Thank you for the hours I stole from you on Skype, for putting up with all my confusing ideas and sentences and for correcting all the mistakes I missed whilst my eyes were bleeding. I look forward to working with you again on IY!

Alright kiddos thank you again and I will see one last time on Tuesday the 4th...

Wait what!? Yes you read that right! As a special little treat, I have a short little goodbye present for all of you. This is for the people who were sad when the characters were killed off one by one. Nothing really important to the overall story, just a happy little what if for all you dreamers out there :)

_In My Life_ (c) is owned by The Beatles


	27. Everybody Lives

_Disclaimer: I do not own any part of D. Gray-man nor any of its characters. I can only close my eyes and quietly play dress up with said characters in my head and hope I'm not desecrating Hoshino Katsura's work too much._

For those of you who care, Author's Notes will be at the end of every chapter and any and all questions will be gleefully answered if asked.

* * *

_Everybody lives! Just this once Rose, everybody lives! ~ The Ninth Doctor, The Doctor Dances_

* * *

It was a hard, vicious, painful and brutal battle against darkness that had spanned a hundred years and claimed an uncountable number of lives on both sides. But in the end, the war was finally over and peace was restored to the utter relief of the war's protagonists. The scraggly kids who had made a promise in a church had defeated the Millennium Earl and had banished him forever to the darkness from whence he came. As the final cries of the just and the wicked alike faded into memory and all the enemies of light were vanquished, they held each other's hands and thanked God for their safety.

Of course, once the battle was over, the whole story broke out: who Neah was, what they had been doing and how they had collected their power to end the endless war. There were a few people, i.e. a certain grudge bearing, mustachioed Central officer, who was furious with the kids and their flagrant disregard of the rules. He demanded that the children pay not only for their crimes against the church but for their heinous act against him on the walls of Central. Luckily, few people paid him much attention and instead cheered for their heroes, be they human or Noah, who had finally stopped all the killing. The previously mentioned incident was never really resolved and it remains to this day an open case much to Leverrier's dissatisfaction.

Maria smiled and cheered with the rest of them, dancing and skipping around with such enthusiasm, one would have thought she had planned for this moment her whole life. Truthfully, she could only smile. She had been certain that her life was to be forfeited in this war, that she was destined only to be another casualty on the battlefield of life. But now she had many, many long and wild years ahead of her to which she hadn't planned on having and that was perhaps the most glorious feeling in the world. So she drank her liquor, held her friends close to her body and wept tears of happiness.

Mana was on a similar high as he held his brother for the first time after that last long and dreadful battle, feeling his brother's impossibly messy hair and living, breathing, warm body close to his own. Mana had thought he would go insane there for a little bit, watching all those people fall and seeing his brother fight for his life and yet here they were now, happy, smiling and just so damned happy to still be of this earth.

He and Maria sat together, drinking away the stresses of the last few years as they had tried to keep the younger kids from killing one another. So there they were, sitting off to the side and belting out as many barroom tunes as they could collectively remember. He cheered and loudly toasted with the other exorcists, not caring that he looked like a fool, not caring that Neah was pretending not to know him and certainly not caring about how much his head would hurt come tomorrow.

All that was really on his mind at the moment was the first sunrise of the rest of his life and gorgeously drunk girl next to him with whom he would soon share every one of those sunrises with.

Cross couldn't believe they had actually done it. He just sat there in stunned belief, rubbing his eyes as if expecting all of these people, all of these wonderful people whom he loved so much to disappear before him. But Neah wouldn't stop smiling and clapping him on the back and Maria had spilled more than a little alcohol on him and Lizzy just kept beaming and tugging on his hand. They were here, they were all here. He slowly began to grin too; hot damn, they really did it.

So he kept good on his promise awhile back and gave everyone, yes even that goddamned Noah, a hearty, and a little too enthusiastic for anyone's comfort, kiss on the mouth. He didn't, however, pass out on the dirt like he had planned; the air was just too electric to even think about sleep right now or ever in fact. No matter how much his body ached and his head spun, he wouldn't miss this jubilation for anything in the world. He took a moment to himself and sat off to the side on a wooden bench with a half filled drink in his hand, watching the festivities and wondered what he would do next.

Now that the war was over and the Earl and his demons were gone, there was no need for the Order or exorcists. He was still thinking it over when Timcanpy landed lovingly on his head exhausted from having been passed around and admired. He always supposed he could find a job as a scientist somewhere. Who wouldn't love to have their own personal golem around the house after all? Maybe he'd find a girl too, one to settle down with and enjoy the rest of his life with now that it could be measured in terms of years rather than hours.

Lizzy flopped next to him a moment later looking completely and utterly smashed. Despite her promises earlier, she had immediately taken to the alcohol and it didn't look like she was stopping anytime in the near future. He'd probably have to drag her unconscious body back to her room later, but what would he do afterward? He grinned at her and gave her a good natured nudge to which she messily ruffled his hair in retaliation. She leaned against him in what looked to be a mix of utter comfort and an inability to sit up on her own.

He still loved her, hell, he thinks he'll always love her, but maybe she'd been right in that this friendship that had, this love that the five of them shared, was too deep to be squandered on romance. His eyes wandered over to Klaud who was standing alone in the corner, a beautiful smile on her face as she watched the merriment ensue. Gently repositioning Lizzy's body, he got up to talk to the blonde. They still had a thing or two to discuss and who knew where that might lead to?

Lizzy laughed between hiccups as she sat alone on the bench Cross had previously occupied. She even snorted once or twice as she tottered over to the temporary bar. She brought up a hand to stifle the giggles but she couldn't help it, it was just too funny. Who would have guessed that sweet little Lizzy Logan, Lizzy, who had never had any sort of physical training until she was thirteen, would end up saving the whole world from the ultimate evil? Not her certainly.

Such thoughts just made her want to shout with delight and pour herself some more alcohol with unsteady hands. Dammit if she didn't deserve it. She was so glad, so goddamned fucking glad that it was all over and they were still here. Such thoughts, thoughts that had previously been considered impossible, only brought her to tears. But that was okay, she could afford to cry now, she could afford to rest and breathe and enjoy all the things she'd missed. She didn't have to save anyone from evil; she didn't have any kids to reassure or any enemies to run from, she was now free to be as goddamned imperfect as she damn well wanted to be.

Neah suddenly grabbed her from behind and spun her around the room. She laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck for support while enjoying the feel of his heartbeat against hers, a subtle reminder that he was still with her. They danced for another couple of minutes before her Master interrupted and asked if he could intercede. Neah smiled and bowed in that sweet way he always did and allowed Lizzy to be taken from him as her Master's firm, brown hands led her away.

She felt the way Neah's hands lingered on hers and a half forgotten fear went through her. The fear that the boys would do something stupid again and sour this perfect moment, that they would expect her to give them something she couldn't possibly hope to give them. But in the end, Neah only smiled and let go of her hands only to fade back into the crowd. She just smiled back._ I love you, I love you all and it's because I love you so much that I can't love you in the way you think._

She looked across the room and noticed Cross had also switched dance partners as Klaud good-naturedly stepped aside to allow Lani a dance with her much beloved mentor. As she leaned up against her Master, she though for the first time since the war's end what she would do now. With the war over, she could pursue other careers, she had always wanted to be a dancer as a kid, but now she thinks she might like to be a teacher. As the room spun in more ways than one, she realized that no matter what she ended up doing with her life, she would be happy as long as she had this one moment. She lightly shook her head as she tripped over Master's foot again, oh well, maybe later. That's for a time when she's sober... so probably much later.

Neah had never recalled being this happy in his entire life and seeing as he'd survived eighteen years of it that was saying something.

He felt like a giant weight that had been suffocating him was suddenly lifted, allowing him to see life as it really was, infinite. He'd wined and dined with the exorcists, answering their questions and shaking off the distrusting looks a few still gave him. It will all be fine; everything would be fine from now on. As he passed Lizzy off to her Master, he grinned as Klaud sauntered up to him without a partner and they danced around for a while as he answered all of her curiosities just as he had promised. Mana was here as well, having a grand ole time with Maria and, if the looks they were giving each other were any indication, Neah just might have a new sister soon.

Neah sighed happily though it was unheard over the din of drunken chaos. It was all over finally, all the lies and deceit, all the hatred and sadness they'd all felt had dissipated the moment the Earl had fallen for the last time. He hurt, Noah or not, he was hurt really badly as he was once again reminded as Klaud accidently prodded a nasty wound on his shoulder. But that was alright, he would heal and life would go on as it always did, only minus the looming shadow of death.

Somewhere in the middle of their little celebration, Neah found a disused piano in the corner (why it was in the science department to begin with Neah_ really_ didn't want to know) and showed the Order just what it meant to be the musician. He banged on those keys so hard, he was surprised they didn't shatter, but they made the most marvelous sounds as the party continued on and on and on… Now with all the death in the past, it was time for him to find out how to deal with his new life. As his songs colored the air and the people danced joyously, Neah thinks he may have just found his calling in life in a world where he had a choice for his future.

Hours (maybe even days who knows?) after that initial celebration ended, three weary and mostly drunk exorcists, one near unconscious clown and a tragically sober Noah quietly snuck away from the Order and wandered down the empty London streets in search of a quiet place to themselves. They found it in a lonely tavern off of the beaten track; the only occupant being a pissing drunk sailor knocking on a broken piano, not looking like he would give it up anytime soon. Neah hadn't minded though, he was sure his fingers would soon bruise from all the playing he'd done today. They sunk into the sticky bar stools, leaned against the cool rounded bar table and took a deep breath, breathing in the musty smell as they took it all in.

The war was over and they were all still alive to see it.

Maria started it first by reaching for Neah's hand next to her; Neah gripped it tightly and found Lizzy's next to him. Lizzy grinned and grasped for Cross's, though it took a time or two as the world continued to spin in her head. Cross kissed her hand gently as he found Maria's other one. Mana lay on the floor beside them, empty bottle of bourbon still clutched in his hand as he slept off what was sure to be an impressive hangover. Timcanpy fluttered around and, not sure which head was most acceptable for his perch, settled comfortably on Mana's head as he took a break from all the excitement of the last few days. Golem's needed rest too.

The four friends smiled soberly at each other, the gaiety gone for just that one moment as they felt the warm flesh of each other's hands in their own. They had done it, they were all here and now they would see what life had in store for them now, together. The moment passed and Maria demanded that the bartender bring down one of everything and bill it to the Black Order. They drank every penny the Order had that night while Mana and Timcanpy continued to doze on the floor. And life continued on, only for once giving a happy ending that is so rarely found in stories such as these.

Mana and Maria married that fall and were expecting their first child the fall after that.

Cross and Klaud dated steadily for many years before eventually deciding to tie the knot and get it over with. He got a job as a scientist and, with a little help from his sometimes Noah partner, made a killing off selling golems. He and Klaud were living quite comfortably when the first kid, the first of many, arrived.

Lizzy hung up her pistols for good and met a nice man outside of the Order with whom she became very attached to. The poor man was roasted not once, but twice by her overly protective male friends who grudgingly consented when he cautiously had asked for their permission to marry her.

It was funny how both Neah and Cross had imagined being in a wedding with Lizzy, only they hadn't imagined being the ones to walk her down the aisle only to give her away to another man. But Lizzy was smiling so beautifully that day, wiping away stray tears, and the boys were only too happy to let her go for good if that lucky son of a bitch could keep that smile there. No one had to elaborate on the destruction that would follow should the man not meet their incredible expectations, though for now he _was_ a nice enough guy and Lizzy _did_ seem happy so they let well enough be. Retired or not, Lizzy was still a crack shot.

Neah did indeed become a famous concert pianist, or he was when he wasn't helping Cross with some crazy scheme, helping Lizzy with her classes or watching three sets of his friends' kids. It was times like these that he often wondered about finding a nice girl of his own and starting a family like everyone else had. But still, he couldn't push the frightful times when he'd wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat out of his head. It was during those times that he would be reminded that darkness has a way of coming back and he'd wonder just what awaited their future and if they would ever really be able to escape the Earl's dark shadow.

His answer came in the form of a young boy, a young embittered orphan he had come across one cold December day while visiting Mana and his family at the circus. Neah remembered smiling down at the kid who had kind of reminded him of Cross with that red hair of his. The boy, not liking the patronizing way Neah was looking at him, responded only with a kick to his shins. Neah cursed and grabbed his bruised leg while the kid laughed and, before he knew it, Neah was laughing as well.

Neah could never say what it was that possessed him to take in that dirty, foul mouthed kid, one just like all the others in the world, but Neah had immediately formed an unexplainable connection to little Red on that crisp and cold Christmas morning. It had just felt natural, as if both had spent a long time to get to this one point where they could look back and say that things had indeed gone right. So Neah and Red prepared themselves to face a world were dreams do come true, where hard work does pay off and the best of friends could forever remain that way.

So as Neah led Red, soon to be Allen Walker away, he thought of the future, of his friends, of the little boy on his back and he was happy.

* * *

(Wipes stray tears) You can blame this completely on my beta, Going Sideways. She was about halfway through editing the character death chapters when she became quite upset. Was there _no_ way I could save them? Did they all _really_ have to die? A conversation on Doctor Who (any Whovians out there? Know my friends that it is here again! Season 7 is now amongst us!) brought about this idea, a happy ending where, as the 9th Doctor once shouted, everybody lives. It's not an explanation of how the war was won, why they were able to prevail, how on earth I managed to keep everyone who died alive and well... it's just a fun little ditty, something for all you people who stuck with me for so long. It's nice, you know, to walk away from a big project like this, one that was filled toward the end with strife, death and a soul sucking loss of hope that I could just bring back a little (completely fictional and not mine by the way {points to disclaimer}) light to the gloom and doom the last ten chapters or so brought.

Call me a sap, call me an optimist, call me an idiot with dreams of grandeur, but I believe that while it is true that not everybody lives, sometimes you can learn to find the best in a bad situation so in the end, you never really lose, only gain. Fanciful and full of crap but, to quote a book I otherwise despise, isn't it pretty to think so?

(Takes a bow) Thank you all for your support and for your reviews. This was a fun project to write and I hope you all enjoyed it. Please, thank you for your patronage and come again soon!

~ilikedan, started On May the Third, 2011, finished on March the Fifth 2012 (seriously, weird huh?)

_Doctor Who_ and all its quotes and characters (c) BBC


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